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Shawn Hallstrom Obituary
Canandaigua: Age 22, died unexpectedly on Saturday, November 1, 2008.
He is survived by his mother, Debbie (Thomas) Hallstrom; his father, Charles Hallstrom; his fiancé, Leah Lippincott and her children, Dominic, Destiny, and Atreyu; his sister, Jeana (Thomas) DeWolf, his brother, Brandon Hallstrom; his grandfather, Buster Grubb; his aunts and uncles, Robert Grubb, Michelle (Brian) Reynolds, Shirley (Ralph) Case, Chris (Gary) Reed, Janet (Vincent) Viaone, and Paula (Richard) Alger; his niece Madison; his best friends, Nichole Reynolds and Christopher Lotto; and many cousins and friends.
Friends may call on Tuesday, November 4th, from 2-4 and 7-9 p.m. at the Johnson-Kennedy Funeral Home, Inc., 47 North Main St., Canandaigua, NY 14424. His funeral service will be held at the funeral home on Wednesday morning at 11:00 o'clock. Contributions in Shawn's memory may be made to the American Lung Association, 155 Washington Ave., Suite 210, Albany, NY 12210.
To plant trees in memory, please visit the Sympathy Store.
Memories and Condolences
for Shawn Hallstrom
Paul Stewart
February 24, 2010
happy birthday shawn
i have not post anything on your message board for sometime now cuz i dont know what to realy say to u bro i been reading what your sister and mom said on here puts tears to my eyes im tryin to stay strong.I just wanted to let u know u was and still is my best friend in the world.I cant wait to chill again one day and am try to get to a dallas cowboys home game like we was planning to do ill see you there if i can get there for you.
Jeana DeWolf
November 15, 2009
Hey little brother,
This will be my last posting. Don't really know what to say. All I can really say is I love you and miss you more than words can say. We got through the first year farly well I have to say. It went so fast It's still hard to believe that your gone. I still find my self waiting for your phone call and for you to yell at me cause i'm doing something the wrong way. Maddy is getting so big she is so smart oh and she talks alot. I will do my best to make sure maddy will always remember you. I have to say I'm doing a damn good job at that. Just know that I am very proud to be your big sister and so proud of the man you were. I will always love you and you will always be in my heart. Hugs and kisses. Until we meet again sleep well.
Jeana
Thomas
November 15, 2009
Shawn:
It is now over a year since you tragically died in that freak accident. We recently visited the spot on the road where it happened - a lot of brush has grown over site, but the memorabila are still there.
The accident site is an allegory for life. The past year was difficult for your mom. It took a lot for her to accept and get over the fact, that you are no longer around here. And even though the wounds have healed and new growth has sprung up, the signs of you and her grief are still there. She still thinks of you - esp. around holidays and your birthday, she still sheds a tear for you. And she will until the end of her time on this earth.
But - you mom is strong. I knew that when I fell in love with her, I knoew that when she broke down that faithul day in November 2009 and in the weeks and months after that. And now, she is strong again living her life as normal as she can.
You gave her strength to survive with the endless memories of you as a child, as an adolescent and as a grown up young man. She draws from these memories daily.
I know that you two will be united again one day. I hope and pray that it will be in many, many years for my own sanity - but I know that you have the patience and will welcome here again in your arms once she sees you again.
Me and my baby boy
Debbie Hallstrom
November 9, 2009
Well my beloved,
This will be my final posting to this web sight. I will not be renewing this sight as I have decided to continue my letters to you in my personal journal,
A year has come and gone and it amazes me how quickly it flew by. I remember those first days it seemed I would never make it through the hardest thing I could ever have imagined, happened in my life. I lost 1 of the 3 most important people in my life, my beautiful son. I have cried so much this past year that I can’t even believe I still have tears. My days are easier now but my heart is still broken and I know it will never completely heal. I am doing better now and I have become stronger because of my loss. Who would ever have thought I would continue to go on with out 1 of my children? I didn’t and I know many other people didn’t think I would either. I have learned more about myself in this past year then I ever new. 1st is that life is way to short. Cherish each and everyday. 2nd I never said I love you enough. (Yes I know you know how much I love you, now and then but the words need to be said often and always), and 3rd god gives you only what you can handle. I believed he needed another beautiful angle to watch over us and he chose you. That being said, does not completely justify you leaving me and all who love you, but at least I now have some peace. Not a single day goes by that I don’t wait to see you walk through the door. Hello mother are the 2 words I will long to hear for the rest of my life. I have met and spoken to many people who new and loved you since you passed and again I say how proud I am of the man you became and that I was the one you called mother. I love you Shawn Eric Hallstrom. You brought so much joy to my life and that is a gift I will always cherish and be grateful for. I want you to know I am going to be okay. I will never move on but I am moving forward and I think that is all that can be expected. I miss you everyday and love you more now then I ever could. Sleep well my blue-eyed angle boy.
Hugs & Kisses
Mommy loves you!!!
Debbie Hallstrom
November 1, 2009
Shawn,
A year has gone and passed us buy, and still it seems I always cry.
A blessing to me you will always be, the one that I’ve called my precious baby.
I look to the heavens high in the sky, and promise you never to say goodbye.
The love that I have will always be, to you my son my precious baby.
I MISS YOU, I LOVE YOU,
Mommy
November 1, 2009
Shawn,
it was a year ago today that i found you. i took a ride down that road, in your memory. i pray that you are at peace.
Gale McClellan
Sarah Alger
October 24, 2009
Dearest Shawn,
I cant believe it's almost been a year cuz, I miss you soo much! Im sorry I havent been able to write to you yet. It doesn't seem real Shawn. I remember he last time I seen you when you and Uncle Bob came down. We had soo much fun! Shawn, I think about you all the time I'm sorry I could't be there to say goodbye to you. I wish I could have. I'm doing okay now though, I've made a few bad choices and now I'm doing all I can to try and fix things. I constantly find myself asking God to help me and give me the strength to mend my life back together again and I know I feel Him there with me in my heart helping me and I know I'm never going to turn away from Him again. Shawn I will see you again one day! I know you are safe where you are and I know you are there with Grandma Pat taking care of eachother! I love you Shawn, sooo much! Until I see you again!
Debbue Hallstrom
October 20, 2009
Hello my love,
I’m writing tonight cause my surgery is on Thursday and it will be difficult to type for a few weeks. I have had a busy couple of days. We redecorated my bedroom this past weekend. Ripped up the carpet patched and painted the walls. I have new furniture being delivered tomorrow, and with the new carpet and window treatments it looks completely different and I am very pleased. During the painting and prepping I kept thinking were is Shawn he should be doing this for me. Yeah I still look for you to walk in and take over. I don’t think that will ever change. The kids spent the night on Saturday (they have been doing that for the pasted few weeks – coming on Saturday and leaving late Sunday). I went to bed pretty early and was awakened buy your sister coming into my room hysterical. I haven’t seen her that upset in a while. Well come to find out she had a very vivid dream about you. She says that it was real dark then a door opened with bright light and you walked threw. You came face to face with her wearing your tux from her wedding. You winked at her then Signed I LOVE YOU! . She woke and you were gone. It was so real to her that she became so upset to find it only a dream. It took me a while to calm her down, but I told her it was just you saying you’re with her and it was a good dream. She said she knows that but she is so made that you are gone. She ended up sleeping in my bed and cuddled in my arms while I rubbed her hair and soothed her to sleep. She had to work on Sunday but came home early tired and wanting mommy. Madison is something else. Very hard to keep her occupied but I turned Teen-age-mutant-turtles on and she sat there in a trance watching them with me just like you use to. She is my princess. Jeana is coming over on Thursday to take care of me after my surgery. I’m glad she came to me on Saturday; she hides so much from me these days. She doesn’t want to upset me. I have told her I need her to open up to me; I need to know how she is doing. November 1st is next weekend; we are going to the crash sight and laying flowers down. Aunt Tam won’t let me come back and cry all day so I am not sure where we are headed but alcohol is probably part of the agenda. I don’t think I will be able to write that day but I want you to know, you are always in my heart and on my mind. I love you more then I ever have and miss you more then I can say.
I love you baby,
Hugs & Kiss
Mommy
Debbie Hallstrom
October 1, 2009
Hello my love,
I know I haven’t written in a while. It isn’t that I didn’t have things to say. I have actually come to this sight every day for the past 3 weeks and I start to write and am over come with grief and then I have to sign out. My birthday and your (would be) wedding day passed and we are into October. My how this year has flown by. I can’t believe you have been gone for 11 months! I still can’t believe it. I miss you so much Shawnee, I wish I could see your smiling face and hear your voice. Thomas tells me I have been crying and screaming in my sleep. I don’t remember it so I assume it is over you. I have been spending quit a bit of time lately with Aunt Tam & Johnny. I was actually there tonight. Grandma Allwood and Nick were there. I had a talk with grandma to get some advice. I don’t know if she realizes this or not but it helped me talking with her. After she left Aunt Tam & I went up to her room and were talking, Nick joined us. I started to cry and nick just rubbed my back and of course Aunt Tam is always there with love and support (an of course stupid comments) that make me laugh. I wish she new just how much I depend on her. She says I need to refocus on the joys in my life. Jeana & Madison and remember you in happier times. It is hard when you lying in that casket seem to pop into my head at the most inopportune times. That usually throws me in to a panic and of course the tears fall. I am so dam mad Shawn. Angrier then I have ever been. It kind of scares me cause I feel like I could blow at any minute. I just don’t understand why. People tell me god had plans for you. I wish someone would tell me what they are. Football season has started and Dallas is doing ok, (you probably know that already and have the best seats in the house). Uncle Bob is doing okay. He misses you so much. It just isn’t the same. I came home tonight to find him working on you box. He spent 2 hours sanding it and he put the first coat of stain on it. It is going to look beautiful when it is finished. He stuffed you in the bar (LOL) while he works on it. Tommy & Jeana have been coming over on Saturday and staying the weekend. Madison is beautiful as always. I bought her, her Halloween costume. A bat, boy does it look cute. I went to the surgeons today and my wrist surgery is on the 22hd of this month. I can’t wait for my fingers to be back to normal. Well my love, my doey boy, my Shawnee river I am going to sign off for now. I love you so my baby and miss you always.
Hugs & Kisses
Mommy loves you
Your Priss
September 25, 2009
Shawn,
It's been nearly a year since you passed and here I am again, sitting in the same spot that I was when I first found out. I can't believe you're gone, even thought it's been a year I still can't help but cry thinking about this. I am not going to deny the tears that keep coming as I think about the last moments I spent with you. I wish, with everything that I am, that I had seen you one more time before I left. I remember talking on the phone to you just a few months before you passed, you said you wanted to come and see me because you missed me. Thinking back I wish to God you'd come and seen me. I miss you so much, you were such an amazing person even through it all. I am so sorry that I never got a chance to properly tell you goodbye. I can almost see your smile, almost hear your voice. I miss you and I always will. You are forever in my heart and on my mind. I will never forget you or what you did for me. Forever your friend and forever your Priss.
Mommy Draft Day 09/05/09 - Wearing my Witten Jersy you bought me for Christmas 2007
September 8, 2009
Aunt Mick & Uncle Bob Draft Day 09/05/09
September 8, 2009
Ron Maxwell Draft Day 09/05/09
September 8, 2009
Tommy & Denise Draft Day 09/05/09
September 8, 2009
Aunt Mick, Uncle Bob & Ron Draft day 09/05/09
September 8, 2009
Mick, Uncle Bob & Ron DRAFT DAY
Debbie Hallstrom
September 8, 2009
September 8th, 2009 – 12:30am
Hello my precious love,
I know I said I would write on Sunday or Monday but with our draft this past weekend it was just to hard to sit down and write. We had a house full on Sunday. Aunt Mick & the girls, Ron, Lisa & Denise and of course your sister, Tommy & the baby. I took some pictures of us all during the draft and will post some to this sight for you. We all had a bit to drink after the draft. It was a bittersweet day. I had a few moments during the day but held it together most of the time. Aunt Mick slept with me and she told me that I was crying in my sleep (I new this cause it woke me), the only thing I can say is that my subconscious let loss when my conscious was sleeping. My mind is never very far from you these days. I try to hide it but my heart is broken and I just can’t seem to get passed my loss. Some days I miss you so bad Shy, I just want to scream at the heavens and never stop. I don’t though cause I no once I break lose I won’t be able to stop. I am so angry all the time. I just want this nightmare to end and for you to come walking threw the door asking what is for diner or are we ready for some football? Thomas is taking me away this weekend for my birthday. I am looking forward to some time away. Uncle Bob is doing okay. He misses you though. The closer we get to football the more he wishes you were here. It is funny, the little things we shared we took for granted. I miss my son and want you back! I try to focus on the joy you brought to my life baby, some days are just harder then others. I love you Shawny and I miss you more and more.
Hugs and kisses baby,
Mommy Loves you!!!
Tammy Hopkins
September 2, 2009
Shawny,
I have been thinking about you alot lately, Friday I took min out shopping to go back to school. I saw a young man that could have passed as your brother, well that was until I saw the Buffalo Bills Jersey he was wearing. I starred at him for a bit, missing you and your big smile. You grew into such a nice young man, loved by everyone who knew you. Missed by all. I am so very proud of your mom and I know you are to. She has her days, I try to redirect her and tell a funny story. I dont always have the right words, but I wing it. But I never would have imainged she would have made us proud for you. She said she wasnt going to do halloween, well I told her to dress up like the wicked witch and give away the best candy but scare all the kids and tell them the candy will rot there teeth. lol I am so funny sometimes, I know you enjoyed that one too. I try to get her to celebrate you, in things she does. Your bug still misses you so very much, sometimes I dont know what to do for her, but again I do my best. She has friends, but you will always be her best friend. No one can ever replace you in her eyes. She doesnt even try. And how about Jerry Jones, does he not rock, I saw that statium and knew you were right there on the sidelines. I got chills just thinking about it. So enjoy your sideline seats, make them hit a little harder, throw a little further and make the touchdowns baby!!! Know that a day doesnt go by that I dont think of you or your mom, sister and family. That I love you and miss you sweet boy. Go Cowboys forever. Love Aunt Tam
Dancing with crutches - Helen's & Travis's wedding
Debbie Hallstrom
September 2, 2009
Hello Baby,
Well it is now September. I was feeling real bad yesterday, as it was the 1st. 10 months have come and gone. I can't believe it. Some days I feel you right next to me, then I realize your not. It amazes me how things have changed. I use to love the fall now it just brings that awful day closer to the surface.
Aunt Tam is having a food party on the 19th. That would have been your wedding day. Jeana and I will focus on eating and that should help us get threw.
I went to the Orthopedic on Monday and will have my wrist surgery in October. Uncle Bob and I are doing some need house repairs on Monday including your chest. We still haven’t stained it or gotten the plaque we want for it. I bought a cross with a candle in it for the wall above you. I light a candle for you almost every day. I don’t know why but it does help to sooth me.
Our draft is on Sunday. I know that it will be a bad day. We will have a house full. Aunt Mick & the girls, Ron, Lisa and probably Denise and of course Jeana, Tommy & Madison. I will be waiting as I always have for your smack talk from the living room with Uncle Bob. "Mom that was a stupid pick"! Football season is finally here. It just won’t be the same, with out you here. Hopefully Tommy will continue coming over every Sunday like he did last year after you passed. It really helped Uncle Bob. No one will ever take your place; Uncle Bob just needs another male to bond with. Well I am going to sign off for now. I will write Sunday or Monday. I know you will be sitting on my shoulder. Make sure I do well.
I love you baby, I miss you everyday.
Hugs and Kisses,
Mommy loves you!!
Debbie Hallstrom
August 25, 2009
Hello my love,
Sorry I haven’t written in a while. I have so much to say and yet I don’t know what to say. Uncle Bob & I worked on this sight a couple of weeks ago. The opening song, (No Address in the Stars) we posed to this sight is so accurate that it is amazing. It is like some one wrote it just for me.
I went to the Dr’s yesterday all is good. Dr Kurian still thinks I should go and speak to a professional therapist. I told her absolutely not. She tried the guilt trip on me (your son would want you happy ect…) I told her that I no you are proud of me and although it may not look it to everyone I am moving forward. I said I get up every day and am living. So what if I haven’t moved faster then some people have or others expect. You are my son and I am living with out you. I told her about when I got my tubes tied. Dr Ellsworth made me wait until you were 6 months old and said that what happened if I lost you or your sister, I wouldn’t be able to have another child. I told her that no one could replace either of you so it was a no brainier. I only ever wanted 2 and that is what I have. I must admit, I have been feeling kind of bad that I didn’t have 3 (for Jeana’s sake) but as she has said if I did have 3 you and her wouldn’t have been as close. God I miss you Dou. Uncle Bob is doing okay. He set up the qb killers and believe this or not we have 20 teams this year :O! He has set 5 each into groups. It is going to be very interesting for draft. Aunt Mick is all moved in to her trailer and doing fine. I haven’t talked with her in a couple of weeks, but Uncle Bob has and things are progressing for her. Aunt Tam & Johnny have joined our football league this year and so has Mindy. Jeana is working hard and Madison well she is a pistil. Always on the move, never stops. I just laugh and laugh when she is here she really is my little princess, and boy does she know it. Tommy is not working but will start school in a couple of weeks. I have been throwing around he idea of going back to school myself but still haven’t committed to it. I have to have carpel tunnel surgery on my right wrist soon and hopefully will be able to make some decisions after that. Helen Anne is also pregnant, I am not sure if I told you or not. She is due on your birthday Feb 24th. I know I shouldn’t feel this way but I sure hope she goes earlier or later not on that day. Travis emailed me some pictures of you and I at their wedding as soon as I get them downloaded I will post 1 or 2 on this web page. Well my love I guess I have babbled enough for today so I will sign off. You are never far from my thoughts and always in my heart.
Hugs & kisses baby,
Mommy loves you!
Jeana DeWolf
August 8, 2009
Hey you,
Where do I start? I just want you to know I love you. I've been thinking about you alot lately and can't tell you how much I miss you. I could really use a nice big hug and kiss from you. I keep thinking about the week I had maddy. You were such a big help and you could tell that you loved that little girl with all your might the moment you held her in your arms and she loves you too. Were doing our best to make sure she knows who you were and we are being sucessfull at it. I really want another baby but the time or money is'nt right. Want my little boy so I can name him after the best man I know. It tares me up inside knowing that you won't be there the next time around. Maddy is growing up to fast she is so smart. She's starting to learn her ABC'S and used the potty once, hey it's a start right. Mom is right she deffenitly is a dare devil nothing phases her just gets up and keeps on going. I love that girl so much she is my most precious gift. I love to watch her learn and play and listen to her bable on about god knows what. I just wish you were here to see it too. I should probaly get to bed. I have to work tomorrow. I love you and miss you so very much.
Sleep well,
Jeana
Debbie Hallstrom
July 24, 2009
07/23/09 – 03:11am
Hello my beloved son,
As you can tell I am up late tonight. Been reading and decided to write. I have been thinking about you a lot tonight and here is why.
Jeana, Tommy & Madison came over today. I will attach a picture or 2 to this posting. We had a very nice day. Maddy loves her pool and had fun splashing and running around. We had sausage *tausage* as you once called it, with peppers and onions. It was really good. After diner we all went out side on the deck and my little princess (DARE DEVIL) decided to take a dive off the top of the ramp straight on to the patio below. Jeana screamed, I about had a heart attach and Maddy ended up with a nice size knot on the side of her head. She is fine but she really scared the snot out of us. Poor Jeana I thought she was going faint she was holding her breathe so long. I got Maddy out from under the deck and wouldn’t give her to kit until I new kit had calmed down enough to hold her with out crushing her. Maddy cried only a couple of minutes and became her old self after a couple of sips of nonies soda, a spoon on her head and a couple of kisses. The little imp went right back to doing what she shouldn’t have been doing in the first place. (I have to just shake my head) She really reminds me of a little boy I know when he was about her same age taken to the hospital for stitches every other week. Hm sounds like um YOU!!!
She has absolutely NO FEAR. She must get that from her Uncle Shawn. She needs to wear bumper pads from head to toe tills she 80. She has Jeana’s coordination and your fearlessness. Yeah right good combination. Well at least she gets right back up and dusts her self off. I think she knows she scares the hell out of me cause she sure laughs when I screech or jump. She keeps me smiling though. Jeana is a really great mom Shawn, you would be so proud of her. Maddy is so smart and happy. God bless her. Just do me a prop and keep a better watch on her K. I’m getting old and my nerves can’t take it. On a better note, I just wanted to tell you she kisses your picture every time we say give Uncle Shawn kisses. She takes mine or kits cell phone all the time and calls you. Always babbling and kissing your face (our wall paper on the phone). She loves the conversations you 2 have. It really brings us joy that she know exactly who her Uncle Shawn is. Well I should probably get some shuteye. I miss you every day and love you always.
Hugs and kisses my sweet angle boy.
Mommy loves you!!
Washing the face
July 23, 2009
Lets play some ball
July 23, 2009
Bucket in the pool
July 23, 2009
Lets go swimming
July 23, 2009
Debbie Hallstrom
July 16, 2009
07/15/09
Hello my Doey boy,
This may sound jumbled but hey your use to my ranting. To be honest I have been kind off missing our little tiffs. I could always count on you to give me a good row and a run for my money. I haven’t had a good argument with anyone since you passed away.
Well any ways I have been having a real bad couple of weeks. I found out something (I will not share what as it will upset certain people) that kind off threw me into a tizzy and started some nightmares again. With Cayman’s neuter, Ashley’s wedding, Aunt Mick & Brains break up I have been pretty busy and once everything calmed down I started focusing on you again throwing me into an emotional melt down. (Aunt Tam predicted it by the way) I felt very guilty that I hadn’t been thinking about you and instead of focusing on good things I was focusing on my loss. My son is gone and as hard as it is I know life goes on and so must I. I went to Aunt Tam’s for diner tonight. Nick was there and we had a great night, just talking and joking around about things I hadn’t thought about in years. I thank god for your Aunt Tam Shawn, she has this knack of pulling me back from the darkest points. She truly is my best friend and sister. I am feeling better after seeing her tonight and have made a plan. I’m going to contact FLCC tomorrow and see about taking a class or 2 for now and going for my masters once I get back into it. Hopefully I will find something I really like to do and start living again. I know you would want me to be happy and baby I am trying. I just miss you so much. My life has always been about you and kit and it feels so hollow with out you here. Uncle Bob says although I can’t see you, or hear you, or feel you, you are here, he says alls I have to do is remember you are in a better place. You are happy and will always be in my heart. I want you to know how proud I am that you are my son. It is true that the ones who are left behind are the ones who hurt. I miss you doey so much that sometimes I don’t think I could go another day. My new thing is what would Shawn want me to do. I want you to be proud of me so I move forward and keep trudging threw no mater how much it hurts to do so. I want you to know I will be okay and wherever you are your mother loves you and thanks you for being my son.
Hugs and kisses my sweet boy.
Mommy loves you always.
Debbie Hallstrom
July 6, 2009
Hello baby,
Cayman was neutered today. It is a bittersweet day. I just couldn’t breed him with out you here. You always told me I had to give you 1st pick of litter. He would have made some very smart and beautiful pups. This was the best decision and although it was hard for me to make I think he will be happier. He is such a great pup Shawn. He loves the water and playing fetch. You would by now be taking him on play dates at the beach. I take him as often as I can.
July 4th was on Saturday. Aunt Mick came over and I cooked steaks on the grill. I know your mouth would be watering. You probably already know what Uncle Bob did to me. (Probably put him up to it I mean). I had just lit the fire on the grill when he lit firecrackers behind me. He scared the hell out of me. I said that you would be high fiving him and saying way to go Unk. Yeah he got me good. We both laughed about it and remembered when he lit them outside your bedroom door when we lived in Palmyra. Uncle Bob set up QB killers. Draft is on Sept 6th. I am playing and hoping to have a better showing this year. He asked if we should do it I told him you would be mad if we didn’t.
Aunt Mick closes on her trailer in a couple of weeks and the house has been showing pretty good. Hopefully she will get an offer soon and be able to move on from that part of her life.
We are all doing okay. I have been emailing with Aunt Sue. We both have a face book page. It is easier then playing phone tag with each other. Her and Uncle Charlie are having a cook out on the 25th so we will all go and do the family thing. It will be nice to see everyone. Your sister is well and Maddy, (well what can I say) is absolutely priceless.
Well baby I miss you I love you always.
Hugs & Kisses Mommy
Debbie Hallstrom
June 28, 2009
Hello my darling boy,
I’m writing tonight because Uncle Bob & I went to see Transformers – rise of the fallen. I said to Uncle Bob just before the movie started that this was for you my love. I couldn’t help but think you would have been with us to see this flick. It was a good movie not quite as good as the first one but you would have really enjoyed it. The last few days I have been really thinking about you. I had dreams about you the other night and have had you on my mind every since. I really miss you Doey. It amazes me that it is almost 8 months now. I still catch my self at times saying well Shawn can help, or Shawn will be here. I have been spending a lot of time with Aunt Mick. Her and Uncle Brian are getting a divorce. He moved out the day after Ashley & Joe’s wedding. He moved back to Macedon and is staying with Uncle Ron & Marybeth. As I said before the house has been put on the market and Aunt Mick purchased a doublewide trailer. The closing is July 30th and Ashley will be moving in with her until Joe comes back from Iraq. We found out the other day that pudden is not the only pregnant Reynolds. Yes Jenny is also pregnant. Ashley’s due date is January 29th & Jenny is due the end of February. I asked her not to give birth on the 24th. It would be very difficult for me if she had her baby on your birthday. I guess I am doing okay. I still get very emotional and cry at the drop of a hat but now I am able to pull it together quicker. I have this tendency of always looking up into the sky. I guess it’s me looking for you. I still want to scream your name at the top of my lungs but I don’t because I am not sure I would be able to stop. It still slaps me in the face at odd times that you are gone. I just shake my head because it is still so inconceivable to me that you have been taken from me. I still ask why (all the time) you are gone and I will never see that hansom face smiling at me again. I found my mothers day card from you last year. You wrote that no mater who you where with I would always be your #1. I miss you so much baby. All my love baby.
Hugs & Kisses Mommy
Debbie Hallstrom
June 21, 2009
Hello my baby,
I decided t write tonight because for some reason I have been thinking an awful lot about you this weekend. No tears just missing my son.
As I am sure you know I have been pretty sick this past week. I finally went to the Dr’s and I found out that I not only have a nasty sinus infection, I also have a urinary tract infection. I have been put on some pretty strong antibiotics and am feeling much better. My voice still comes in and out but it is getting better.
Uncle Bob and I went out to buffalo yesterday and looked at some trailers with Aunt Mick. She has put the house up for sale and is going to buy a single-wide in a beautiful park right around the corner from where she lives. It will be perfect for her and the dogs. We all came back to Canandaigua late last night and Aunt Mick left this afternoon. Ashley may move in with her until Joe comes back form Iraq. He leaves in the morning for training (about 45-70) days then he comes home for a 2 week leave then ships out for up to a year. Please put your angle wings around him and keep him safe.
Today was of course father’s day and we had a very peaceful day.
I will be baby-sitting Madison a few days this week. She is so beautiful and makes me laugh so hard. She still has an awful temper but hey what can you expects with me as her Nonie and Jeana her mom. Leah no longer comes around. I haven’t seen her in quit some time and the kids longer then that. She has a new love and has moved on. Like I promised you I would stay in her life for as long as she allowed it. It is easier for her I think not to see me. It is still a hard reminder of your loss.
I try to talk a lot about you now. It is soothing to voice your name and remember your quirks. LOL I really do miss the hello mother phone calls and that grin is permanently etched in my minds eye. I still start saying I’ll ask Shawn and catch my self. I miss you terribly baby. I love you always,
Hugs and kisses Mommy
nikki bursley
June 17, 2009
hey you,
This is the first time that I have been to this website... Brian told me about it. We had his bday party the other day.... The big 30! I tried to mess with him as much as I could but I know that you could have done better. We are together now... and you are part of the reason we met in the first place...
We miss you and think about you all the time.... We even knocked back a few after a toast... how much we wished you were there. We even shared the story of Beachball... and I know your laughing hysterically right now...
Miss you honey!
Ashley & Jenny - Happier times
Debbie Hallstrom
June 10, 2009
Con...
I left Aunt Mick’s yesterday and she was doing much better. She had not broke down since all this started. Jenny moved in with Shawn. She leaves for boot camp on August 12th. Aunt Mick is going to put the house on the market and buy a trailer close to the girls in Buffalo.
Vito Tandoi passed away on Friday (I am sure you already no that) You are both probably in a casino room drinking, playing poker and picking up girls. LOL
As I said I had a lot to write about. With some many changes in the past 7 months, starting with your death I have come to realize this!!!!!!
Each minute is a memory, each week a gift and each year a blessing. Don’t sweat the small stuff. Always say I love you and live each day as it could be your last. I miss you more then ever baby and love you more then you could ever no.
Hugs & Kisses mommy
Mr & Mrs Joe & Ashley Giabrone
Debbie Hallstrom
June 8, 2009
June 8, 2009
Hello my love,
Well where to begin. I have a lot to say so this may be more then 1 posting. I will also be adding a few photos.
This past weekend was Ashley & Joe’s wedding. The weather was absolutely beautiful. We couldn’t have asked for a better day. As I already told you in my last posting I went to Aunt Micki’s on Friday. We spent the day getting manicures & pedicures. Ashley didn’t have a Bachelorette party so Friday night Aunt Mick, all the girls and me took Ash bowling. It was a very nice night.
Saturday morning was a very busy day. Aunt Micki and the whole wedding party went to get their hair & makeup done. When they returned home the limo was waiting and the photographer was here. It was a bustle of activity. Dresses were on and away to the church they went. Uncle Bob & I road to the church with Aunt Micki.
It was a beautiful ceremony and went off with out a hitch. The reception was held, the cake cut and the dancing done Ashley is now Mrs. Giambrone.
It was a very emotional day. During the mother and son dance I became over run with tears and had to go out side to pull myself together. Joe requested will I see you in heaven as his song and it just cut threw me like a knife. (Just a little to close to home). I pulled it together with out any more tears and really enjoyed my self.
Debbie Hallstrom
June 4, 2009
Hi baby,
I just wanted to write today cause I will not be home the rest of the week end. Pudden's wedding is on Saturday and I am meeting her and the bridal party at Aunt Micki's tomorrow morning to start weekend prep. I am really looking forward to it. I have been a bit sad the past week, missing you and Thomas. Oh I may not have mentioned he had knee surgery last Friday and is unable to go to the wedding with me. Aunt Micki went home this morning and I just got off the phone with her. She sounds okay and I will write more on her after the wedding. We all found out 2 days ago that pudden is pregnant. Her due date is Jan 29th, 2010. We are all looking forward to a new bunddle of joy. She is hoping for a boy. It is hard to believe she is actually getting married and having a baby. Joe leaves for Irac soon and Ash is very sad about that. At least now she has some sunshine to look forward to. Jenny pumpkin past all her entrance exams for the guard and leaves for boot camp on Aug 12th, 2009. She is very excited about that and we are all so proud of her. She has a new love. His name is Shawn Edward. The first time he told me his middle name I said to Jenny oh you have a Shawny. She just smiled. He is a good man, nothing like any of her past boyfriends. She is moving in with him on Sunday. Well my heart I will sign off for now. Please use your blessings and send love and sunshine to Ash and Joe on Saturday. I love you so much baby and miss you more each day. Kisses and hugs Mommy
Debra Hallstrom
June 1, 2009
Hello my darling boy,
Well today marks 7 months. I have been real emotional. Last night I had a dream about you. You were only a baby about 1 year old. Me your father and you went Christmas shopping. I found 3 outfits for you and liked one so much I put it on you. I asked your dad to pick 1 of the others ones and he said buy both. You were smiling and laughing like you always did when you were little and I woke up. I was so happy to finally had a dream about you, but was sad it ended. I always seem to feel sad on the first of each month and today was no different.
Ashley's wedding is Saturday. We are all excited about it. I know it will be beautiful. Your sister is doing much better. She finally had her Dr put her on some anti depressants. They have really made a difference in her whole attitude. She is much calmer and even seems happy at times. Madison is something else. Boy is she a pill. She has your personality, Jeana's looks & temper. She gets into every thing now and ignores the word no. She cracks me up. You would be so proud of how beautiful she is. Well I will sign off for now. I love you baby, and I miss you so much.
Kisses & Hugs, Mommy
michele haas-traina
May 12, 2009
Ms. Hallstrom,
In reading your journal to your son I know all the feelings that you have. I too lost my son Joshua on November 2 2003. He was only 13 yrs young. I had came upon your sons name on legacy.com while i was searching...and editing my sons. I do have to say that i am in ahhh of that special quilt that was made. I so wished that i was able to have one of josh too. It would be nice to have hugs from him once again. I wish you the best and know that our boys are looking down on us and keeping us safe.
Our beautiful memorey quilts from Aunt Tammy & Grandma Allwood-- WE LOVE YOU BOTH MORE THEN WE CAN SAY--Thank you from the bottom of our hearts. Muah
May 10, 2009
Debbie Hallstrom
May 10, 2009
Mother’s Day 2009
Hello my darling,
Well today is Mother’s day. It has been spent with Aunt Mick, Ashley, Jeana, Maddy and Uncle Brian. Jeana and I took Maddy to Aunt Mick’s yesterday as it was Ashley’s bridal shower and we spent the night. Your sister, Aunt Mick and I all spent the evening in the hot tub drinking, talking and bonding. We had a nice time and did a lot of reminiscing about you my handson son.
Aunt Tam told me when you died that she was going to ask her mom (Grandma Allwood) to make a memory quilt for me filled with your pictures so that when I was really feeling bad I could wrap myself up in it and be surrounded by you. I have been waiting anxiously for this quilt. I told her that I would also like to have one made for your sister. Aunt Tam and I printed out some pictures and we went to grandma Allwood's to help with the quilts. Grandma wasn’t sure she could have both done by mother’s day and she asked me which one I wanted done first? I said Jeana’s. Well grandma was able to finish both. Aunt tam brought them with her yesterday and after the shower presented me with mine and after we all ogled and ahhed about it she handed a box to Jeana saying that I had ordered her some things from a food party Aunt Tam had. Jeana looked at me and said I thought you said you couldn’t order me anything and I said well I did just open it and see what I got you. When she opened the box and removed the tissue paper to fine a quilt for her just like mine she was completely surprised and started to cry. I told her that I felt she needed to get hugs from you too, so I wanted her to have one just like mine. (Jeana’s was a surprise she had no idea I was having one made for her). She slept with it last night. I am attaching pictures so all can see or matching quilts made with love from Aunt Tam and Grandma Allwood. It is one of my most treasured gifts I have ever recieved and will be a great comfort to me always. Each time I look at it I see my beautiful son and the love of my best friend and her mother. I have not cried at all today, even though my heart aches terribly for want of you. I know I will eventually so I will sign off for now. I miss you my baby.
I love you always, Mommy
Jeana DeWolf
April 16, 2009
Hey brother,
I’m sorry I haven’t written in a while. It’s just really hard to put my feelings into words there just so many and it breaks my heart to go to your website. It used to bring me some comfort now it makes me think about that dreadful day all over again. I’m missing you a lot these days. I think about you all the time. I still can’t believe you’re gone. I love you very much I hope you know that. I still feel very alone sometimes and I don’t think people will ever understand my pain. Madison had her Easter pictures done I almost got bunny ears for her to wear just to make you mad. Last year you got so mad that we put them on her. You should see her now she is so beautiful and so independent. She is very smart she amazes me every day. It breaks my heart that she is going to grow up never knowing her Uncle Shawn. I just hope that she will have some memories of the short time you spent with her. She brings me such joy I was really blessed to have such a wonderful little girl. When I am having a bad day one look into those eyes and I now things will be okay. She is such a clown and her laugh and her smile makes my world go round. My birthday was okay I was still a little sad for you are always one of my first calls of the day. I caught myself looking at my phone for a text or a call from you saying happy birthday sis I love you. I wish I could bring you back even if it was just for a little while. I know that’s selfish of me. I am glad that we had a close relationship though sometimes I think it might be easier if we didn’t maybe I wouldn’t hurt so much. But then I would have a lot of regrets and because we were so close I can say I don’t have any but one and that is only knowing you for 22 years. But I’ll take 22 years over none in a heartbeat. I will never forget you and I will always love you and no one will ever take your place in my heart you are and will always be my best friend and my brother. Until we meet again sleep peacefully my love. Hugs and kisses. Love always and forever sissy.
Debbie Hallstrom
April 14, 2009
Hello my beautiful boy,
I write today, as I am so very emotional.
As you know, today is Jeana’s birthday. It seems that today has been tougher on me then your birthday actually was. I think it is probably because there were so many friends and family around I stayed strong as to not upset anyone else. Today it is just my thoughts and me.
I am going to put into words what I feel in my heart. I have told many people about the closeness you and your sister shared with one another. A love and commitment to each other that I for 1 have rarely seen in any other siblings. You and Jeana were each other’s rock, best friend and closes confidant. You shared your secrets, your dreams, your sadness and your joys together your entire lives. I always smile when I hear something now that she and you both knew and I had no clue about. You shared so much. I see how truly lost she has become and knowing how much you loved one another just breaks my heart. I wish with all my might I could just snap my fingers and time reverses and there is no November 1st. That you are here with us laughing and smiling bringing us joy and being the man we loved. Unfortunately I do not possess that power so instead we go on each day the best we know how.
I remember how you use to say that I loved her more. We use to joke about that all the time. The truth is I think you loved her more. You know how much she loves you. No one was allowed to hurt her baby brother. I catch her looking out into space or staring at your picture and I feel her pain and loss. We both miss you so my darling. Please send angle kisses to her tonight. I love you baby,
Mommy
Debbie Hallstrom
April 12, 2009
April 12, 2009
Happy Easter my darling boy,
Today was a pretty good day. Aunt Micki, Ashley, Jennifer & her new boy friend Shawn all came for Easter dinner. Of course your sister, Tommy & Madison were also here. Aunt Mick, Me and Ashley all started to make some plans to work on her wedding flowers and I will be spending the weekend of May 16 at her house to work on them. I am doing okay. I have had a few bad moments. I think about you all the time and all holidays seem to make me sad these days. I was worried no one would help me eat all the black jelly beans but grandpa seems to like then too so I have had some help with them, not nearly as much as you but he can hold his own. I made ham for dinner and Jeana made sure that TJ got some. He misses you too I think. I think I am doing better but it still tears at my heart so bad some days I just can't breath. I miss you my baby. I love you always,
Mommy
~
Debbie Hallstrom
April 2, 2009
03.02.09
Hello my beautiful son. I know I haven’t written in a while. I think about you every day and want to write, but each time I go to the sight it breaks my heart. I still can’t believe you are gone. Well it is now the beginning of spring and you would be gearing up for spring clean up with Mark and Tom. We had quit a bit of snow this past winter and it feels good to see the sun shine and geese coming back form their winter roost. Tam, Johnny and I went on a road trip about 3 weeks ago. We drove to Denver CO to get Jessie who had gone on one of her adventures. It was a 4-day trek down and back. A lot of miles and a lot of driving but it also gave me time away and time to think and relax. I came back calmer then I have been in the past 5 months. Thomas and I went to Aunt Mick’s and Uncle Brian’s 2 weeks ago. We picked Maddy up on our way. It was a nice day and they will be coming here for Easter. I am sure you probably already know this but Ashley & Joey decided to get married. The wedding date is June 6th, 2009 so Aunt Mick is rushing to get things organized for it. I told her if she needed any help from me to let me know and she wants me to go with her to pick out an outfit for her to wear. Ashley has already gotten her gown and has 1 more fitting in May. Aunt Micki laughs and says well at least she gave me more time then she gave grandma Pat. I am excited about the happy event but a little sad, as we should be getting ready for your wedding in September. I haven’t seen Leah since your birthday. We have texted back and forth a few times but that is about it. Aunt Tam invited me out to a birthday lunch yesterday for Nicole. Grandma Allwood, Johnny, Tam, Nick and my self all went to buffalo wild wings. I am so proud of Nick she did wonderfully. No tears were shed at lunch but I must confess I shed a few in the car on the way home. I miss you so much baby and I always will. I love you Shawnee River, hugs and kisses,
Mommy
Debbie Hallstrom
February 25, 2009
02.24.09
Some reason this didn't post last night Hello my love,
Well today you would have been 23, It was a sad day. As I already told you we all went and got tattoos today in your honor. I will attach them to this posting. I woke up at 9am with out the alarm. I took a shower and waited for you sister to get here. Believe this or not she was actually early. LOL I was doing really well until your sister presented me with a gift bag. I told her I didn't want it but she insisted. I opened it to find a white bear with a picture of me you and Maddy last Thanksgiving. It brought me to tears. So far they are the only tears I have cried today. My heart hurts but I have been holding it together for everyone's benefit. Jeana, Leah, Tommy and I all drove to the parlor together and Aunt Tam, Nick & Alley met us there. T.K. did mine and your sister's tat and Leah did Leah's & Nick’s tat. They both did a fantastic job. I am very pleased. It is really ironic that this very day last year you took me to get my first and today I ended up getting one to honor you. We all did really well. Nick’s was very painful as she had it done on the inside of her arm. That is one of the most sensitive spots to have it but she made it threw. You would have been so proud of Jeana she didn't even flinch. She was so brave. I didn't think she would have handled it as well as she did but she did you proud. Leah got 2 tattoos 1 on her wrist and you name on her foot in Irish. She did great too. I am really proud of all of them. My tat only pinched a time or 2 but nothing like my cherub on my left breast. I will get 1 more cherub on my right so both my babies’ are represented. Mindy came in from school this evening and Jenny, Beth and the kids along with Leah, Destiny Jeana, Tommy and Madison came over tonight and we had pizza and wings. It was a good night, no tears and just bonding. I wish I could see the girls more often but they have busy lives so I don't see them as much as would like. Uncle Bob has been having some pretty ruff days. He misses his boy and it is hard for him to talk about it. Well my darling boy I am going to sign off for now. I miss you baby and love you more then any words could say. Happy Birthday doey! Mommy loves you – Hugs and Kisses
Mommy
February 24, 2009
Nick's Tat 02.24.09
February 24, 2009
Jeana's Tat 02.24.09
February 24, 2009
Leah's foot 02.24.09
February 24, 2009
Leah's wrist 02.24.09
February 24, 2009
Mommy's Tat 02.24.09
Melinda Reynolds
February 24, 2009
Shy Boy, Ill try and make this letter more grammar acceptable since you'r mom hates the way i write. Well buddy Happy Birthday. I woke up feeling like something was missing and realized that it was your birthday so i broke down crying in class. Ya i know a little pathetic but i miss you so much. I try and keep strong but it's days like this that i just need time to myself to think and remember all the good times. My friend Joey saw a cloud that looked like wings as we were passing Deer so i don't know if that was you saying something to me. But thank you if it was you. I smiled and put on some Chris Cagel. It's good having friends up here that you can talk to that will make you laugh. My friend Sara says Happy Birthday. She is a trip you would have loved her. I have been behaving myself i had a rough week last week. But i'm pushing through more and more everyday. Trying to get ahold of Ruggs because i know that he will say something to make me feel better. But i wanted to make this short and sweet. Hope your partying with Jesus and God tonight! Hey if you see Elvis take a shot with him for me! Love you Shy Boy!
Susan OLoughlin
February 24, 2009
Happy Birthday Shawn, You always will remain young in our memories of you. I lit a candle for you this morning in your honor. We love and miss you very much Shawn. I will give your Mom a call today to just be there for her, I know its so hard for all your family,everything is a first without you. Im sending you lots of hugs and kisses. Love Aunt Sue & Uncle Charlie xxxooo
Debbie Hallstrom
February 20, 2009
Hello my darling,
I know I said I would write more on your birthday but I have been having a pretty hard day so decided I would write tonight. Thomas and I went to dinner and grocery shopping this evening and I had an episode in the store. As you know I always purchase Easter candy as soon as possible because your sister only eats white chocolate and I can never find it. Well, I found it today and broke down in the middle of the isle because it hit me no one with fight over the black jellybeans with me this year. I am not sleeping good I toss and turn all night. That is when I think about you the most. Aunt Tam tells me I have to focus on a good memory but I always end up seeing your face and remembering something you did. I have even caught myself saying well I’ll ask Shawn to do this and then I realize you can’t your not here anymore. Simple things hit me hard and leave me winded and saddened. It is really strange how silly stuff hurts so badly. I have come to realize this. You always take for granted the little things and then when there gone you realize that the little things are as important as the big ones. Like you stopping in asking what is for dinner, or do I have any snacks. I will admit this my grocery bill has gone down as I am not stocking my shelves for you to shop in them. I am trying to be strong my son but I miss you so much. I would give anything for you to say hello mother to me just 1 more time. I love you so very much baby.
Mommy
Debbie Hallstrom
February 18, 2009
Hello my dooey boy,
I know it has been a while since last I wrote. It is not that I don’t miss you every day. I find myself thinking of you all the time. I found yours and kits newborn baby pictures the other day. It broke my heart all over again. You were the prettiest baby I have ever seen and I remember that day with vivid clarity. Your Birthday is soon approaching. I feel sadder as it inches closer. We are going for tattoos as I already told you.
Leah and the kids came over on Monday, so did Jeana & Madison. The kids are doing okay. Trey was playing the I love you more game with me. He is too cute for words and reminded me of how you and I use to play that very same game. Destiny and Dominic seem to be doing well but they are both more interested in Cayman and TJ to play with Nonie. Madison is a pill. I called and talked to Jeana the other day and Maddy wanted the phone so I talked to her and said give Nonie kisses she did then promptly hung up on me. LOL Jeana, Maddy and I went to lunch on Monday. We got strawberry shakes and Maddy was in heaven. Once the shakes were gone she started to rock & roll cause she was hunger. Alls I had to do was start running my fingers threw her hair and she quieted right down. Jeana was amazed. She said Shawn use to quit down just like that. It made us both smile. Thomas and I went to turning stone on Saturday. It was the first time I have been there since the weekend before you died. I remembered that you slept in my bed that weekend. I had some hard times on the way to the casino but once I was there I thought Shawn would want me to have some fun. I lost 100 bucks but I did have a nice time.
Aunt Mick is coming over on Saturday with Jenny. I talked to her last night and asked her too as your birthday is on Tuesday and I am already having bad moments. Every one will be here on Tuesday it will be a hard day. I will sign off for now and will write more on your birthday
I miss you so much baby, it doesn’t seem to get any easier. I love you sleep well my angle boy.
Mommy
Mindy Muffin
February 4, 2009
Hey my Shy Boy, sorry its been so long things have been crazy. im back up to school. trying to make the deans list for you. i know that you would be so proud of me. i think about you all the time. i got a tattoo your mom told you about. the guy brian who did it joked the whole time about the cowboys star as i told him you didnt know shawn unless you knew him as a cowboys fan. i went to show ruggs who hates the thought of tattoos on me but he loved it. couldnt stop looking at it. saying "that was for you boy wasent it?" as i said "yupp my shy boy" as i smile.i show it off at school all the time telling everyone how much you meaunt to me. always saying he was amazing. the blonde hair, blue eyes, and your dimples. everyone laughs and thinks its cute that i remember you in the positive ways. everyone up here knows who you are and how amazing you are. the tattoo was the wost pain in have been trough yes even worse then my ear being off. but as i sat there Brian said "just remember who your getting it for" as i started crying not cuz it hurt but cuz i miss you so much some days. hopeing that you will walk through the door to come see nick. but i know you are my angel that has my back for life!
Lovelovelove,
mindy berry muffin! <3
Mindys tat 02.01.09
February 2, 2009
Mindy couldn't say Shawn boy, so from the time she could talk he was always Shy Boy.
My angle
Debbie Hallstrom
February 2, 2009
Hello my darling boy,
I am sorry I haven’t written in a while. It is not that I don’t want to it is that I have so many thoughts and it takes me time to sort them all out. Today marks 3 months that you have been gone. I find my self-looking at your picture more often. I am still waiting for you to walk through the door. I know I am delusional. Oh well we already new that didn’t we. Today was the super bowl. No Dallas did not make it. Pittsburg and the Cardinals went and Pittsburg won. Tom is very please. I have been busting on him all night through text messages. We also celebrated Dominic’s 8th birthday so Leah and the kids were here. Jeana, Tommy and Madison along with Thomas were also here. It was a nice day.
Mindy berry muffin stopped by this morning. I am not sure if I told you this but a bunch off us are getting memorial tattoos on your birthday. Mindy was not able to be here then so she got hers this past week. I am attaching pictures to this post so you can see. I also wanted to get 2 tats but not in the same day so I have already gotten one. It is of a baby angle with blond hair and blues eyes holding my heart in its hand. I got it on my left breast. It is of course symbolic of you my love. I am getting one on my calf on your birthday. It is kind off ironic that the first tat I received was from you, last year on your birthday and you went with me. Wow how things have changed since then. I miss you everyday. I look at your picture and your eyes cut right into my heart. What I wouldn’t give to hear your voice. Uncle Bob and I went to the movies on Saturday. We saw “Underworld – rise of the lickings”. The whole time I keep thinking Shawn would love this movie. Well I will write more soon.
I love you my son. Hugs and kisses,
Mommy
Nick Reynolds
January 18, 2009
buddy,
so i dont write as much as i should or neither do the things i should as in visit your mom uncle bob leah and the kids and your sis and maddy.. but its hard for me becuz usually the only reason i would see them is becuz you were with them...i am still in denial i just keep telling my self you are in flordia workin that horrible job and you will be back soon...i know you are with me i feel you i just wish i could talk to you...you never had the right words but lol i always found my self turning to you for the answers...im glad our mothers are as close as we were ..it makes me proud ! they are two very strong women and they keep me together more than they know.Ali too has been amazing..we both just wish we spent more time with you and leah...i call leah once in awhile just to keep in touch ...shes a great girl and also very strong...and o boy destinys got a boyfriend but i will scare him away lol Doms birthday is comin up and i cant wait to be there...i figured i would get him golf clubs and that could be our thing to do since you were my golfin partner! I miss you so much i keep in contact with chris which means alot to me and robbie and i go out often ! thanks foreverything you have done for me and thanks for showin me a good friend ...most people dont have good friends longer than 2 years but i had one for 22 ! we all are goin to get tattoos on behalf of you...were all that crazy lol i love you and i miss you ! love always
and p.s i always keep a nice cold heneken in the fridge now lol weird eh !
Debbie Hallstrom
January 15, 2009
Hello my beloved son,
I am sorry I haven’t written since January 6th, but it has been very hard for me to go to the sight. I am still in disbelief and tell my self you are just gone away and will call or walk in any minute. I no I am in denial but it helps me cope.
Jeana & Madison are still here ever 2 or 3 days. I am so worried about your sister. She has it in her head that I wish that it were her and not you to pass away. I tell her that I would wish neither of you to be gone. I tell her that I would mourn her as much as I mourn you. She feels guilty though and alls I can do is keep showing her how much I love her and need her now more then ever. Madison is walking now and gets into everything. I tell Jeana she reminds me of you but with Jeana’s temper. She is so independent. You can’t tell her no. She just blabbers; you can tell she is explaining why she should be able to do what ever she wants with out us telling her she can’t. She is very out going like you were. She is afraid of nothing or no one. She does have Jeana’s temper and is very stubborn. You would be so proud of her Shawn. I finally finished her photo book today. Alls I need to do now is have it engraved.
Thomas bought me a bunch of photo albums for Christmas and I will soon start working on them. I have been printing pictures like crazy and have even scanned a lot of the pictures from when you and your sister were growing up. It will give me something to concentrate on.
We went to Aunt Micki’s this past Sunday. Her and I have become so close. She is very comforting to me and I love her very much. Uncle Brian purchased guitar hero for them for Christmas. Aunt Mick is addicted to it. She kept asking me to play with her. She wouldn’t take no for an answer so I had to tell her why. It was of course something you really enjoyed. She felt horrible cause she didn’t know. I explain she had nothing to feel bad about and that you would be pleased she enjoyed it like you did. Jenny and Ryan came over and us girls really did some bonding.
Uncle Bob is doing okay. He has been very busy at work and comes home exhausted every night. He always makes an effort to hug or kiss me. He truly has been my hero. Through out all of this his unwavering support of your sister and I has brought such comfort. He is really an amazing man and I thank god for him every day. I talk to Tam very often. She can figure out in seconds my mood and has the ability to make me laugh. Something I don’t do much of these days. She knows how much I hurt and it breaks her heart. She is truly my best friend and sister. Without her I know I would have gone insane.
Well my love I am signing off. I love you so much and miss you more each day. Sleep well my beautiful boy. Hugs and Kisses.
Mommy
michele haas-traina
January 7, 2009
hello there. my name is michele. i heard about the passing of your son and i am very sorry. i too lost my own son, at the age of 13, 5 years ago in a car accident. as your loss is kinda different than mine the pain is still the same. nothing worse than losing a child, no matter what the age. time will heal, but as i have tried to move on with my life..i try to think that my josh would want me to be happy and try to live a normal life as much as possible. as the days and months pass by, you will become a much stronger woman than you were before that dreadful day. i know that our sons look down on us and help us get through each passing day, cause if it wasnt for that, i know i would not be here today. i dont live for the future anymore cause you dont know what its going to bring you. but i do try to live a normal life, i have 3 other children and a husband that i have to be there for. you too will learn to do the same. its helpful to write to him like you been doing. i too have done that and continue when i am at my worse moments. i have also made a special memory page in his honor. its joshuahaas.legacy.com. feel free to view it..you too can make one if you have not already. it really has helped me. i just wanted to tell you that i am in your everyday thoughts and if you would like to talk to me more you can email me anytime. god bless you and your family. i hope you find peace one day very soon.
Debbie Hallstrom
January 6, 2009
Well my love,
It is again 3:30 in the morning and I am not sleeping. A lot has happened in the past few days. We made it threw the Holidays although there were some very ruff moments. I thought that once we got threw them things would be a little easier but as always something else has to happen. Tom decided to let me go today. I guess I just did not live up to his expectations. I was pretty surprised. I thought he might let me go after tax season but Uncle Bob dropped me off this morning and Tom was waiting in the conference room with all my stuff packed and ready for me to take with me. I had to call Uncle Bob right back (as you know he takes the car in the winter). I guess I really can’t blame anyone, I have changed .I guess it was just time to move on. I hope you are not disappointed in me. People probably think I have fallen apart since your death. I have to some degree, but I thought I was coping or at least leaving the allusion of coping better then I really am. Some days are better then others but my heart still wrenches with loss. I don’t cry as often as I did in the begriming. I guess the anti depressants are working to some degree. I still hurt as bad as the first day but am at least able to function. Jeana & the baby are still coming over pretty regularly, about every 2 / 3 days. Maddy is walking now. She is too cute. She gets so excited that she starts to run then tumbles to the ground. She just giggles and picks her self up and takes off again. She is quit a handful these days. She tries to test me all the time knowing I will not be truly upset with her and she gets her own way. She definitely has the Grubb side of a temper. Just like her mom. I tell Jeana that Maddy is my payback. LOL Jeana and Tommy are going to try for another baby soon. They are hoping for a boy. His name will be Shawn Eric DeWolf. Has a nice ring I think. Your sister misses you so. Sometimes I think even more then I do if that’s even possible. She is lost without you the 2 of you were so close. I never had any worries about you 2. She always protected you and you protected her. That is how a brother and sister should be and I am so proud of you both. Uncle Bob is doing okay. As you know he isn’t a big talker but I can see in his eyes he misses “his boy”. He keeps trying to come on the sight to post something but gets all chocked up and can’t put his grief into words. He has been so strong for you sister, and me but I can see it is taking a toll on him. There is very little laughter these days but what laughter there is we both just kind of know Shawn would like that. We all miss you baby. I love you so much my heart breaks more each day with out you here. Kisses my sweet boy.
Mommy
Jeana Dewolf
December 30, 2008
Hi Shawn,
I am so sorry I did not write Christmas Day. It was a very sad day and I had so many emotions going through me. Merry Christmas little brother! Maddy loves the purse you got her. I am going to put it away for her till she’s a little older. I want her to know and understand who got it for her. I had no idea you had already started your Christmas shopping so early, you always wait till the last minute. As you can imagine Maddy was so spoiled she got lots of very nice gifts and she loves them all. Christmas Eve was very hard for me. Heather made her pepperoni sauce and her Chocolate mint cookies that you love so much. I kept thinking you would have eaten as much as you could. Christmas Day was the hardest on everyone especially when it came to doing the presents since you’re the one who usually plays Santa and hands them out to everyone. Mom gave me the best gift she ever gotten me. She had two black and white pictures framed in black frames for me. One of me, you and Tommy and one of me and Tommy. She also gave me this gorgeous daughter music trinket with all twelve birthstones that you can change out. The one birthstone you can’t change and it was yours and then I put mine in the one that could be change. Tommy gave me the best gift he’s ever gotten me, it’s a gold heart shaped locket with mother of pear background. He put two pictures in it for me the two happiest moments of my life. One of me and you at my wedding and the one of you and maddy the day she was born. He told me this way I always have you by my heart. I miss you more and more every day I hope you know that. I was real proud of mom she had a few meltdowns, but she made it through like a champ. You’d be real proud of her. She is honestly one of the bravest women I know and I look up to her more than she knows. I know how much she hurts and it kills me that there is nothing I can do. Maddy and I go out to moms at least three times a week it helps her to see Maddy and it helps me to see mom. Maddy is like our saving grace at this point. She is our light when all else is dark and She helps us keep going on. I think she is also Uncle Bob’s light. You should see them together they play like we used to with him. Oh how she tires him out she just wants to keep going. She loves him very much and he loves her. I’ll write again soon. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year Shawn. I love you always and forever. Sleep well…Hugs and Kisses.
Jeana
Debbie Hallstrom
December 26, 2008
My boy,
I am sorry I didn’t write last night like I said I would but as I am sure you would know yesterday was very hard on me. I woke to the smell of bacon cooking and immediately felt sad. Uncle Bob did cook breakfast for dad and me but I just couldn’t swallow it down. Uncle Bob had some bad moments yesterday especially when he made Christmas breakfast but true to his word remained a constant and strong support for your sister and me. I did pretty well all day. Leah and the kids showed up around 3:30 and I held it together until the kids finished opening there presents. Leah got me a beautiful angle with your birthstone and I was done. I had a very bad episode and hid in my room while the floodgates opened. Aunt Mick joined me about half an hour later and we both cried for a while. I finally pulled my self together to finish diner but the remainder of the night I was very emotional. I finally went to bed around 2 but didn’t sleep to well. When I woke up this morning and saw the tree still standing I decided it had to come down. I did the tree and Christmas for the kids and I am sorry but that was all I could handle. Today I am really emotional again. I have cried a few times already and have insisted your sister stay tonight also. Ron has been a big help. He new I needed the tree down and made sure I had everything done and put back in the shed. Aunt Tam asked me if yesterday was better, worse or about what I had imagined and alls I can say is it was horrible. I’m sorry but it is true. There was not one minute all day that I didn’t think of you. There was not one minute of the day I didn’t wait for you. Christmas was not Christmas for me and no mater how I tried I just couldn’t fell merry. Your sister did wonderfully I am so proud of her. She is my strength and I love her so much. The kids all seem pleased with their gifts and Leah really liked the daughter in law box I got her. Nana came and got the kids around 8 and Leah stayed and played euchre with Jeana Tommy Uncle Bob and Ron. Aunt Mick and I drank Alabama Slammers all night but she became sick and was in bed by 10:30. Well I think I summed up pretty well how I am doing so I will sign off for now. I love you Shawn Eric Hallstrom, My Doey boy Merry Christmas where ever you are. Kisses & Hugs Mommy
Nick
December 25, 2008
DUUUUDDDE,
So its christmas morning and nothing is the same ..ever since we were younger we found our selves callin each other every christmas morning to brag bout what santa braught us..i got a puppy from santa and im very excited...nothing is more loyal than a dog... my mom also got me a dallas cowboys picture frame for our picture from jeanas wedding .. o how i miss the good times .. new years eve is coming up and i think that will be the hardest.. i just gotta know are you frosty lol he keeps going off at weird times ....awkward dude if thats the way you came back just to say hi ...i miss you alot i find my self cryin over a boy and never thought in a million years that would happen I miss you so much dude...love u
Debbie Hallstrom
December 25, 2008
Well my beautiful boy,
It is now 2 days until Christmas. I am off from work until Monday. I slept really well last night and had beautiful dreams of you. You were a little boy in the dreams and we played and laughed. I sang your song to you I asked where was momma’s dimples, you showed me and hugged me and kissed me just like you did when you were little. It felt so good to finally have a peace full sleep I didn’t want to wake up. When I did finally wake even though I felt sad the dreams had ended I finally felt rested.
I have been dreading Christmas like the plague. Aunt Tam keeps telling me 24 hours that is all, once they are gone it is over and I will feel some relief. So I keep saying 24 hours for the kids I can do 24 hours. I look at the tree and all the presents under it and I know you would be so proud of how well I did, but I resent the fact you wont be here and I am left to celebrate with out you. Jeana and Madison came over today. They were here on Sunday and I didn’t expect to see them again until Thursday. Your sister is so sad. I try to keep her smiling and it is increasingly difficult to do. She is going to Aunt Shirley’s for Christmas Eve and is really not looking forward to it. She fears everyone will keep asking how she is doing. She can’t handle that question any easier then I and is afraid she will blow up at the wrong person.I must go to the grocery store now so I will write more tomorrow night.
Well it is Christmas Eve. I clean all day and did my usual baking. Banana bread, apple bread and brownies. Uncle Bob requested Lasagna for Christmas diner so I will make that a nice salad with some garlic bread. Ron and the boys, Aunt Mick & Uncle Brian, Leah and the kids and of course your sister, Tommy and Madison will all be here. I am afraid to go to sleep. It will be the very first time since your sister was born that I will not wake my children up on Christmas morning. Jeana is coming in the afternoon and will stay the night and of course you are gone. I think so far I am doing okay but I know tomorrow will be very difficult. Uncle Bob is trying to be so strong but he is hurting and misses you. He will make breakfast for me, grandpa and him and that will be hard as you and he always made Christmas Breakfast together. I will try to sleep now baby. I will write a posting tomorrow evening. I miss you so much my son. Sleep with angles baby. I love you!!
Mommy
Jeana DeWolf
December 24, 2008
Hi Shawn,
I miss you so much. Well it’s Christmas Eve and everyone is going to Aunt Shirley’s today. It won’t be the same without you there. Nothing will ever be the same. I just can’t believe you’re gone. I never ever thought that I would lose you. We never went more than two days without talking to one another and here it’s been almost two months. I’m going to try and make the best of today because I know that’s what you would want me to do. I know I will be waiting for you to walk through Aunt Shirley’s door, I guess I have to be realistic and know that won’t be the case. I truly am lost without you. You were always so confidant, strong and the outgoing one. I have always been the shy timid one. Even though you’re with our grandparents I wish every second of every day you were still with us. I love you very much I hope you know that. I hope wherever you are that you’re happy. That’s all I ever wanted for you was for you to be happy. You will always be welcome so stop by once in a while. If you do please let me know that you’re here, there’s so much that I want to ask you. Merry Christmas Eve little brother. I’ll write again tomorrow Maddy’s starting to throw a fit and a fit she knows how to throw. I love you more than any words can say. Sleep well…. Hugs and kisses.
Love always and forever,
Jeana.
Debbie Hallstrom
December 16, 2008
My son,
Today was a very bad day. I woke to the postman and a delivery from the department of treasury. It was your personal belongings. Your wallet and cell phone. They finally released them to me. I looked at the box for an hour before I opened it. I know I should have waited until your uncle Bob was home but the mom in me couldn’t wait and once I opened it I realized I should have. The relief of finally having them was out weighed buy the anger and sadness I felt. I examined everything intently and was stunned to find the numerous pictures you had of both Madison and your children. I never new you carried them with you. I turned on your cell phone and also found more pictures of the kids and your Leah. I will have uncle Bob retrieve them from your phone for me. Jeana and Madison came over today and even that did not help my wounded heart. Uncle Bob came home and he and I again went threw everything and it hurt him as much as it hurt me. We cried together and had a long talk. We have both decided that fate keeps throwing punches at us; we have better days then bam we are punched again. It seems the closer we get to Christmas the worse we feel. We both wear masks. On the outside everything seems fine but our insides are completely hollow and empty with out you. We try to hide our emotions from everyone. We don’t want pity and we don’t want to upset anyone else so we swallow our grief and try to function normally. It is very difficult at times to even get out of bed, but I know you would want me to go on. I worked some more on Madison’s album. It is the first time I have touched it since Halloween when I stayed up until 3am printing pictures (that is why it was so difficult for uncle Bob to wake me when the police showed up the next morning to tell us you died in a car accident). Well I can’t write anymore tonight, I am pretty raw with emotions so I will say again. I love you my precious son and I miss you. Say hello to Gram and my mom for me. I love you baby.
Mom
Susan O'Loughlin
December 16, 2008
Shawn, The first time I met you, you were about 5 yrs. old. I can still see those big blue eyes and your beautiful smile. Thats how I see you when I think about you. I question God on why he had to take you. They say your in a better place, but its doesn't make sense to me. It really makes me mad. What is so tragic is that no one got to say good-bye. I have come in here and read the notes your Mom, Jena, Uncle Bobby,Aunt Micky, and all the people who loved you wrote, its heart breaking. What a wonderful man you grew up to be, everyone is real proud. We all have to remember all the things you did in such a short time and hold onto those memories. Im so sorry you had to leave, but I know your with Grandma Pat. I do believe that. Shawn we love you and always will. Love Aunt Susan xxxooo
Mindy Muff
December 11, 2008
My Shy Boy,
Oh wow there are so many emotions that i have never felt before. I miss you like crazy the memories we have shared you were always like the "real" big brother i never had. Always there to say "hey Min." I remember when you lived next door and we would play baseball for hours even when it was freezing cold. Seeing your face when i got on the bus, you always made me smile when i saw your face. I think i took it for granted having you all to myslef without Nick around. You were different.. more of a brother to me more than anything. i remember seeing you for the last time. you were of course wearing my shirt. and i was tyrying to get you to buy me booze for school. then my mom looked at you and said "i know all your deepest, darkest secrets" lol i wish i could have spent my big 21 with you but it will be celebrated like it should. IN VEGAS! i loved our debates about who is better at poker. Well that one time when i played with your friends obviously i was the one but when it came down to just u and the fam by the stash your mom found it was you. you always gave me someone to argue with and i think ill be a better lawyer because of it. i loved how we played darts at BWW" Buffalo Winld WIngs" and you just treated me like one of the guys while we watched the Yankees get Beat. i'm still mad you ate my face on at my grad party! i beleive that everything happens for a reason and god needed you much more than we did. he knows how great of a man, son, brother, friend, father, and husband you are! he needed you to show other people in heaven what it means to be a great man, they needed to experience your smile! i will miss you and there is not a day that goes by that i dont think about you. i im looking foreward to get a tattoo in your rembrance so i can let everyone know how much you meaunt to me. i tried holding it back because i have so much more anger than anything. I prosmise to take care of your mom for you, see her when ever i get the chance. Destiny is the cutiest thing ill make sure to show her the ropes with the boys! I wish i just had more time to spend with you. as you always said :the good die young but the but the old grumpy men live forever!" My first start in Lacrosse will be dedicated to you and i will look up to heaven when im playing knowing that you will get a kick out of me getting hit with the balls at 65 mph. i love you shy boy till next time.
nick reynolds
December 9, 2008
shawn ...dont think i didnt forget bout you ... i write entrys in here all the time... and i guess you cant use inappropriate words so that means all mine have been shafted lol go figure..i do miss you a lot . i will see you in heaven.. ali and i went out for coffee with leah...it was nice it lasted 3 and half hours not that i mind spendin the time..but didnt realize where the time had gone ...its been awhile since time has flown right bye...i miss you buddy... i love you
Debbie Hallstrom
December 8, 2008
My baby boy, This is the remainder of the prior posting.
Uncle Bob and Tammy seem to be the only 2 that always know how I am feeling. They are both wonderful and so tolerant. They both know my anger, fear, sadness and emptiness. Don’t get me wrong everyone has been wonderful, everyone has tried to help but those 2 read me like a book. I try to hide a lot of my pain from your sister, she hurts so bad and struggles every day to keep up a front. I am so glad she has Maddy to keep her busy. Aunt Mick too has been a god sent but she is in Buffalo and doesn’t see the day to day roll-a-costar my emotions put me through. Thomas tries to help but it is hard for him, as he doesn’t know what to do for me. I know how much everyone loves me but I still feel so empty inside. My heart is broken and I don’t think it will ever mend. I am trying everyday to get through another day. Christmas will be hard but for your children, Leah, your sister and Maddy I will try. I miss you so much Shawn. I am so thankful for the support of everyone but wish that you where here every second of everyday. I love you baby.
Debbie Hallstrom
December 8, 2008
Hello my son,
I again find myself writing to you. I use this sight as a journal. It seems to help some writing to you. Uncle Bob and I had Dr.’s appointments today so I was not scheduled to work. Unfortunately the Dr.’s office called at 9 to reschedule our appointments as the Dr. was out sick. What that means is because I was not working I had nothing to keep me occupied and way too much time to think about you. It has been a pretty bad couple of days. Leah came to my office on Thursday; she was having a bad time and just needed mom time. We talked and cried together for about an hour. Her and Destiny came over on Friday night and she told me that Destiny, when leaving the store looked up into the sky and said Mommy I see daddy he just winked at me. Leah asked were did she see you and Destiny said he is right up there next to his star and he is winking at me. I smiled at that because for the first time since your death I dreamt of you Thursday night. It was not a sad dream. I feel you were telling me mom I am here but with Leah right now. We decided to put the Christmas tree up on Saturday. Aunt Tam & Nick came over to help. Jeana, Tommy & Maddy were here and Leah dropped Destiny off, she had to work. Leah actually showed back up about 2 hours later after telling her boss we were doing the tree and she had to leave. Nana brought the boys over later. No one wanted to put the tree up Shawn, but we all new we had to. Nick and Leah opened the tree I bought last year after Christmas (I was in my room with Aunt Tam and Kit) they both new the minute they saw it, it was not going to fly. I came out of my room and almost cried. It was the worst tree I have ever seen, worse then Charlie Browns. It was horrible. We all decided we needed a new tree so Nick, Tommy, Leah and Jeana all went to Wal-Mart. Nick picked out a beautiful tree and said this is what we are getting, everyone was a bit worried because it wasn’t pre lit and Nick says so we buy lights. That is exactly what she did. The tree we ended up with is 7.5 feet high and absolutely beautiful. I think it is the biggest tree we have ever had. Uncle Bob wanted to put it where the bar is and I just couldn’t do that I told him all kinds of reasons why then finally told him that it was because I didn’t want to move you. Your on the bar baby, right under yours and Jeana’s Christmas picture from last year. We ended up moving the furniture around and the tree is in front of the window. Uncle Bob and I did the lights and I was going to pull out the ornaments and Leah had already found Bianca and Bernard. She was going to hang them and I told her no, Jeana needed to do them. I know you understand why. I would have helped with the decorations but I went into the box and right on top of the ornaments was your stocking. I lost it then. I was really mad because every other year I have to tell you to bring your stocking back because you always took it home with you on Christmas night. Not this year, it was already here. I said I needed a cigarette and everyone new why. When I came back Jeana, Tammy, Leah and Nick were all doing the decorating for me, they did a beautiful job. Uncle Bob and I were not doing to well and had a little tiff about the garland and house decorations. He wanted to know if I planned on putting them up and I wanted to know if he thought we should. Well we didn’t I figure we had to do the tree I couldn’t handle anything else. I hope you understand why. Destiny was putting the finishing touches on the tree; you know the stuffed animals that go on the bottom to keep the cats out of the limbs. Well each one she put on Maddy followed right behind her and took them off. It was really cute. She just couldn’t understand why we were putting (in her mind) toys on the tree instead of just giving them to her. Each time we put them back up she would take them right back down. God she brings me such joy, she is my light when all else is dark. Uncle Bob and Tommy started on the outside lights yesterday. They got the bushes done and decided the house lights would go up another day. I talked to Uncle Bob last night after everyone had gone home and he said he wasn’t sure if he could do the remainder of them. I told him he did not have too and that you would understand if he didn’t. He agreed to just keep it the way it is right now. Maybe next year we can go all out again but as this is the first without your help we did the best we could and as much as we can handle.
Mommy
PS a second entry will follow as I wrote too much for one entry.
December 3, 2008
Hi baby brother,
I miss you so much. I still don't understand why you had to leave me. Mom always said you would break a million hearts. She was right. I never in a million years thought you'd break them this way. Thanksgivin was hard on all and Christmas is fast approching. I'm not looking forward to it cause you won't be there but I'm doing my best for Maddys sake, for I know youd be upset if we did not give her the Christmas she deserves. I'm still hurting more then I probly let on for I'm trying to also be strong for mom. The only thing that brings me some comfort is watching maddy pick you out of a picture. We ask Maddy wheres Uncle Shawn and she points right to you, no matter what picture your in. She knows who you are and that brings me some comfort. She'll even give you kisses when I tell her to kiss Uncle Shawn and she dose. I just hope ypu know how much I love you and miss you.
I was in my basement and found the wedding card you gave me. In it you wrote "Jeana your my sister and I'll always love you no matter what happens I'll be your backbone when you need me. I'll be your punchingbag when your mad. What I'm trying to say is that I love you more then you know and I'll always be ther no matter what." All I could do was cry because your not here anymore. I was so angry at you after I read it for you lied to me. Then I realised that it was not your choice to leave us. I just want you to know I love you and think about you all the time. There will always be a gaping whole in my heart that yerns for my brother and my best friend. I have to go know Maddys getting fussie and wants to eat some lunch. I love you more then words can say. Sleep peacefully little brother
Love always,
Jeana
Debbie Hallstrom
December 3, 2008
Hello Baby,
I decided to write tonight to release some of my pent up emotions. We went to Aunt Micki's for Thanksgiving and although I was with her, Uncle Bob, Jeana and the baby I still had a ruff time of it. I was mashing the potatoes and mixing the stuffing (stove top. who ever heard) and I started to tear up. I went right into the living room and grabbed Maddy right out of your sisters arms and took her into the dinning room so as to calm down and fed her some sweet pickles. She loved them. We then had dinner and it just didn’t settle well with me. I kept thinking Shawn would be tearing that drumstick up. Aunt Mick and Uncle Bob and myself all went out to smoke and Aunt Mick asked me about Christmas and of course the floodgates opened. She felt horrible and didn't know about the promise you had made me in reference to Christmas dinner. I explained it all to her and told her she never needed to apologize to me again. We all cried together and Uncle Bob of course was my rock.
That was just the beginning of a very bad weekend for me. I would start to tier up and run to my room and just hold your picture or grab Maddy and just draw my strength from her.
Uncle Bob was at Aunt Mick’s all weekend helping Uncle Brian and I think that that was part of my depressed mood. It was the first time he was not here since your death.
Yesterday was the 1-month anniversary of your death and I tried to hold back my tears all day but found after Uncle Bob came home there was no more holding back and I had a major break down. He tells me I need to stop beating my self up and that you would not want me to be up set. I say no you wouldn't want that but you know me so well and at least would expect it. It is so hard for me Doey. I still can't believe you are gone. I hear a car that sounds like yours and always look to see if it is you, or my phone goes off and I wait to hear hello mother. Jeana is doing better, but it still hurts her so. She misses you so much and I try not to have emotional out breaks in front of her. She worries so much cause she knows she can't help me so I try real hard to just be a rock in front of her.
People think I am doing so well but alls they see is the out side. My insides are hollow and my heart aches more each day. Tam has been the best friend any person could ever ask for. She makes me laugh when all I want is to cry and she comforts me when I do cry. I can tell her anything and she is always so brave and supportive. I really don’t know what I would do with out her. I went to wal-mart today and stopped in to see Leah. She is as beautiful as always and is trying her hardest to be strong.
Christmas is fast approaching and I am so not looking forward to it. As you know it was my favorite holiday and now I just wish it wouldn’t come. I have done some shopping and it hurts because I see something that you would like and I have to stop myself from buying it. Thomas tries so hard to help but has come to the conclusion that the only thing he can do is be comforting and supportive. I love him so and know I have pushed him away. It is hard enough trying to keep my self together and help your sister that I can’t waste energy on anything else.
I am so angry Shawn, I try and try to figure out why this has happened and there is no rhyme or reason to it. I just hold on to the memories I have and the love we shared. I miss you baby I really do. I love you my son.
Mommy
Tammy Hopkins
December 2, 2008
Dear Shawny,
I must start by saying how much you are missed. I would like to think that it will get easier. But I am realistic and know that our hearts will not let go so easily. Your mom is hanging in there and you would be so proud of her. I told her to let it out when she needs to I cannot imagine her pain. Nick misses you so very much. She is truely lost without you. She went out with bobby last week, it was nice of him she enjoyed hanging out. All I could think of was it should be shawn instead. I find the tears I cry are for your mom, nick, jeana and uncle bob, your sweet leah and those babies. Then I realize some of those are just from me. You will always be in my heart. Words cannot express how much I will miss your smirk, or just seeing you with nick. She will never find a bud like you. She comes over gives me a hug and says i am missing my friend. I know in my heart that we will see you again sweet boy. Love aunt tam p.s. your mom found your winnings from our high stakes poker game lol
Donna
December 1, 2008
Thanksgiving is over and the memories keep repeating over and over in my mind. Now that we are in the Christmas season, we are finding it more difficult to celebrate. We are trying to help Jeana get through this as best we can. I know these times are hard but we are all here for her. I have no doubt that with time Jeana will be able to cherish the new memories with her friends and family, not only for herself but for her husband Tom, and daughter Madison.
We know that you are not going to be with us physically but you are in our minds and hearts. My whole family is grieving, we all miss you terribly. We are always talking about you, it is very difficult for us to except your loss. I went to Hess to get gas and guess what I saw? Yep, it was the Hess Truck. I remember running Jen all over going Hess to Hess to buy you that truck, every store was out, I even think Jen had everyone she knew keeping an eye out for it as well. You have been asking for it for a long time and Jenny wanted to buy it for you that year and she finally found it. You were so happy to get it, you bragged to everyone that you got the Hess Truck. I remember hearing you sing that song as you walked into our house. “The Hess truck is back and it is better than ever.” The jingle will always stay with us and think of you every time we hear it.
Marci Schneider
November 29, 2008
Shawn,
You are missed by everyone in my family. Lilli asks about you almost everyday and is saddened that you will not be coming to Darien Lake with us this coming summer. You are like a rockstar to her. SHe couldn't wait for you to come over and hang out with her. You had such a way with children. She is working on a letter to send to heaven on a balloon for you.
Ron and I had our son on November 7th (a month early) and all we could do was laugh a little in the OR as Kolton was born, since you always asked about your baby. Oh yeah, I told Ron that I must watch The Godfather just for you!
You were a great guy and will be missed by us everyday. I wish your family the best during this difficult time especially with the holidays coming.
Marci, Ron, Lilli & Kolton Schneider
Debbie Hallstrom
November 26, 2008
Hello son,
We celebrated Maddy's birthday on Saturday. I tried to keep things light, as I know you would want NO tears on her day. It was difficult, I kept looking around for you and was saddened you where not there. Jeana did well you would be proud of her. Maddy started the day pretty grumpy but warmed up and became her happy self, especially after we gave her cake. LOL she just loves it and it really shows. A lot of people were there it was a bit overwhelming at times but we made it threw. Jen and Beth with the kids came over on Sunday and Taylor gave me a February bear with a picture of you and I in it. It touched my heart but again saddened me, as I wish everyday for you not a picture. Leah and the kids have come over every Sunday since your passing. The kid’s ruff house with Uncle Bob and Uncle Tommy as Jeana, Tommy and Maddy come over for football every Sunday also. Tommy has been wonderful; he is bonding with Uncle Bob trying to help fill the void of you not being here. He has also been strength for me. He give really great hugs and tries to ease my pain. I have returned to work. It has been hard. My heart says stay in bed my head says you need to get up. My heart is broken and it seems so unfair that the world continues to turn when my world has been torn apart. Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, and we are all going to Aunt Micki’s. I know that it will be a very hard day for us all. I decided I would put up the Christmas tree this weekend. Nic & Tam are coming over to help. I really don’t want to celebrate the holidays, but I know you would be very disappointed in me if I didn’t at least try to make them special for Dominic, Destiny, Atreyu and Maddy. Some days I feel so lost. I miss you so much and my arms ache with wanting to hold you one more time. I was at work yesterday and needed a ride home as Uncle Bob is now taking my car to work, I thought I would just call you and ask you to pick me up and then it hit me straight in the face that I couldn’t call you. I told Tam that I feel cheated as I never had a chance to say good-bye and she made me realize that even if I had I would not have been able to say good-bye to you. I have been told that as time goes bye this will get easier, Tam laughed and said Deb I never told you that lie. I feel it gets harder because it makes this more real as each day passes. I am confronted with your death harder each day. I have actually been able to get some sleep now but have not dreamt of you since all this started. I do believe that when you feel I am ready you will come to me. I have thought a lot about things I should have done differently when you where little. I cried with Aunt Tam last night and she said no mater what happened when you where little the honest fact is that you turned into a great man and that I was responsible for that. I found the mother’s day card you gave me this year, and in it you wrote, no mater who is in you life I would always be your #1. I know how much you loved me my beautiful son and I prey you know how much I love and miss you. With gods grace I will see you again, and I will hold you again. Sleep well baby,
Mommy
Paula Alger
November 26, 2008
Shawn,
Sorry its taken so long for me to write this, but I am trying to find the right words to say (if there is such a thing). We were all so proud of the young man that you'd become. We were really looking forward to next summer. I'll never forget when you and Uncle Bob came to Florida...Playing alot of Euchre, getting your first tattoo & going to the mall (getting your mom a nice lighter then not being able to take it on the plane and the chess board incident...lol), or the way you would call us out of the blue because you were so excited about something and wanted to share it. I so miss your smack talk, reading it at work...getting hysterical (because it was too funny). But I feel sure that you are watching over all of your loved ones. Till we meet again Shawn.
Love you
Aunt Paula
November 22, 2008
Today we celebrated Maddy's first birthday. It was good to be able to celebrate life and try to put the tragedy behind us. I know that Shawn is not truly gone and he was with us today and will be with you always.
Michelle Gilbert
November 20, 2008
Dear Debbie and family,
I just wanted to tell you all how sorry i am for your loss and how honored and special i feel to have meet your wonderful Shawn. I worked with Debbie this past tax season and had the great pleasure of meeting her children. As i have gotten to know debbie, i felt i knew her children too. i will never forget the first time i met Shawn, he was in his mom's office, sitting there with THAT smile, what more can i say. Whenever i think of him i see that devilish smile he had sitting while there, almost like the cat that ate the carnary. He was and still is a fine, polite young man. He is the son us parents hope our children grow up to be. I also want to share a story. i went to the tax office just a few days before Shawn's passing and Debbie showed me that beautiful sapphire ring that shawn had given her. The pride and love in her eyes was priceless and i will never forget it! And in fact, i was very envious of her. I can only hope that my children love, respect and think of me as much as her children do. My thoughts and prayers are with all of Shawn's family and friends and feel so grateful to have meet him.
Uncle "B"
November 16, 2008
Shawn, there's much that I should have told you before, but for whatever reason, I couldn't.....But I know that you knew how much you mean to me. You are more than just my sister's son; you are the closest thing to a child that I will have in my lifetime. It's taken me weeks to be able to sit down and let you know "out loud". Not for a lack of trying though, but I would get stuck after the first couple of sentences. Me? Not being able to finish a rant? Who knew? I know you're laughing about it right now and that's fine by me.
Anyway, I had the opportunity to be a big part of your life and did my best to be your mentor and set a good example. I'll never know how much of an impact I actually was on you, but I've seen some of my traits and personality in you and that brings a smile to my face.
You've shown me nothing but love and respect and for that I am grateful.
I always enjoyed the time we spent together. You would always ask for my opinion about something or want me to "show" you how to do it. Whether it was who you should start on your fantasy team or the first time I showed you how to throw a spiral with a football. At times I would feel more like your "teacher" than an uncle and you the "student" because you wanted to learn! It made me happy, regardless of the task or question, that you trusted my guidance. I'll admit I didn't always have the right answer, but I could usually "sugar coat" it enough to at least make it look or sound logical. I'm sure with your intuitiveness, that you knew that as well, but never said anything.
I am so proud that you've become the man that you are and it pains me that I'll never see the ending to your great story. Now I find myself wondering why you had to go. What was so urgent that you needed to leave us without even saying goodbye? I believe everything happens for a reason, but there's definitely nothing logical about that. The only solace I have is knowing that you're in a better place and learning wonderous things that I can't teach you and can only dream about. My nephew....my friend.....my brother.....We will meet again....that I promise. And when that day finally comes, I will no longer be the teacher, you will. I'll be your student........
More to come later.....Sleep peacefully.....
Micki Reynolds
November 15, 2008
Shawny River
Its been two weeks since you have passed. I hadn't been able to bring myself into going in here yet, because I guess actually doing it makes your being gone too real. I think about you everyday...those baby blue eyes, dimples, and that incredible smile. I just can't believe you are gone. How could someone so wonderful be taken away so young and so tragically. I know how much pain your mom, sister and uncle Bob are in, and it kills me that there is nothing I can do to help them.
I remember the day you were born. The doctors were inducing your mom, but you were being stuborn and didn't want to come out. I had left the room to call Grandma Pat to tell her they were going to try again the next day. When I returned, you decided that you were just teasing. There wasn't enough time for me to leave and call grandma back, so the next time grandma heard from us was after you were born. OMG...she wouldn't talk to me for 2 weeks after that. Thats how you lived...always the jokester.
I have been told that god takes those whose jobs are done. I'm not religious, so I don't know if I believe that or not. I can't figure out what "job" he had in store for you that would cut your life so short. The only solice I get is knowing that you are with Grandma Pat.
Shawny, please help your mom, sister, and Uncle Bob. Please look after them and console their hearts as best you can.
Hugs and Kisses
Aunt Micki
Priss
November 12, 2008
Shawn, there is nothing I could do and nothing I could say that would change what has happened here. You were an amazing person and you always made me smile when you came into my work. I remember the first day we met, I was taking a razor blade to the paint on my nails and you thought I was doing them. You called me a Priss... Everything just went from there. You always came in and made the end of work fun for all of us and I know deep in my heart that you are in a better place. I will never forget our deep love for anything Italian and the Godfather. May your soul rest in peace... Now, I would give anything to hear you call me Priss, just one more time...
Potete riposare nella pace.
May you rest in peace.
I Miss You!
November 10, 2008
Together
November 10, 2008
Captured Heart
November 10, 2008
Me and My Shadow
November 10, 2008
The Best Dad Ever
November 10, 2008
Our Happy Family
November 10, 2008
Forever Love
November 10, 2008
Leah Lippincott
November 9, 2008
It has taken me awhile to get on here and read what people have writen. Every note, every memory that I read, I read with tears in my eyes. There is nothing I can say bad about my Shawn. I miss him so much! I remember getting mad at him, because he didnt help with planning the wedding. I would talk about different ideas, and he would just look at me. He looked at me one day and said baby, I dont care. All I care about is you walking down the aisle and saying I do! This man, was the perfect man. I know I will never find another man like him. I never met a man so caring, loving, understanding, and willing to marry a women that had three kids. I have clung on to his family, my family, and friends now more then ever. Shawn you are my one and only true love. You brought me so much happiness, and love. The children for once in their life, knew a fathers love. And I for once, I knew what it ment to be loved by a man. I miss you and the kids miss you. Destiny is her little drama queen self. Atreyu loves his chainsaw. And Dominic still loves to sit and play his games. But you know that, you look down on us everyday. I can not wait for the day when we get to see you again.
Beth Hasenauer
November 9, 2008
Shawn,
I miss you more than words can say, your random texts and phone calls just to say hi and ask about Landon. You will forever have a place in my heart "little brother". I watched you grow from annoying little kid,( always tagging behind me and Jeana) to a great man who wanted nothing but to see us happy. I'll hold on to the memories of all our times together and someday i will see you again.
Love always,
Beth
michele haas-traina
November 9, 2008
As i was reading my son Joshs site, I was glancing at the recent entries. I felt compelled to read Shawns. I know exactly how you are feeling and as I read more, i cried. I am guessing that he was lost in a car accident? Both of my sons were in a car accident, as i could have lost both of my boys, but I feel i was spared by god, by not taking justin, age 14 then, that night. I lost my 13 yr old son Joshua on November 2, 2003. I wish there were words i could say to take away your pain right now, but I know that only time will heal your hearts. As time passes on, you will remember all of those special memories of Shawn. I will never forget my son Josh. I am not a spiritual person, but I do believe that god has reasons for taking our loved ones from us way to early, and in the dreadful world we live in, we all know that he needs more special angels to watch over us. Cherish all of his memories in your heart, as I too have done that these past 5 years, as its the only thing that keeps me alive.
RICHARD ALGER
November 8, 2008
Hey kid I WILL FORGET THE TIME UNCLE BOBBY AND YOU CAME DOWN TO SEE US AND ALL THOSE GAMES OF EUCHRE WE PLAYED I LOST A BUNCH OF THEM AND HEY BENSON COULD YOU GET US A BEER AND ROTATE THE TIRES WHILE YOUR AT IT LOL IM GOING TO MISS YOU KID UNCLE RICH
LaDonna Dirks
November 8, 2008
Shawn
I have watched you grow from a young boy into a man and I would like to thank you for being a part of all our lives, even though it was for a short time. You have given all of us all so many wonderful memories and they’ll be cherished forever. I remember and enjoyed the times you used to come over for dinner and just talk about what ever was on your mind, which I can tell at the time was an important memorable time in your life. You were always welcomed into our home, after all you were family.
Justin and Joshua think about all the times all you guys shared together; like going bowling, telling jokes, acting silly, ordering pizza and playing video games for hours and I mean hours, even when you broke my couch together. There were even times I would get home and you’d be here, I wanted to just relax with my kids, but you always seemed to fit right in that category. I enjoyed watching you all play and eventually I’d play too. You guys always enjoyed each others company and so did I.
Jeana, Tom, Jennifer and Chris shared the most wonderful memories with you. You guys seem to be inseparable. None could ask for a better brother/friend. As you all grew together you all become closer and closer, soon you weren’t only friends but family. You shared many good times like going to Darien Lake, family gatherings, concerts, hanging out and weddings; especially the wedding of Jeana and Tom. You were so happy (as you always were) like if you were getting married yourself. They will never forget their brother and best friend and as time goes by we will try to help them through the sorrow and remind them of all of the sweetest memories.
I remember seeing your face as we all waited in the hospital for baby Madison to be born. Your face was like a kid in a candy store with all the money in the world to buy what ever you wanted (total happiness). You were going to be a uncle and you were so proud. You were a wonderful Uncle and it’s sad that she will never know the she put a special spot in your heart and the gleam in your eyes. We will all continue to tell Maddy how proud you were of her and how much you loved her. She will know her Uncle Shawn by us telling her and showing her pictures she will have the best memories and stories of you that we all know.
Together we all shared our individual memories and we will keep them going forever.
Shawn you are going to be deeply missed but never forgotten. You were taking from us all, you were cheated from life and it wasn’t fair for someone who truly loved life and who lived each day to its fullest.
Donna, Justin, and Joshua
Judy Switalski
November 8, 2008
I am brought to tears when I read your entries, as I too have lost a most precious son. My son was born in March of 1985, and passed in June of 2007. I share your pain. I understand the devastation and heartache. No other loss can compare. My thoughts and my prayers are with you, your family, and your handsome precious son, at this MOST difficult time.
Debbie Hallstrom
November 8, 2008
I am unable to sleep tonight as 1 week ago was the last I saw your smiling face. You were so happy in your Halloween outfit taking the kids trick or treating. I hold on to that vision. I am writing an entry tonight, as I would like to share a story with all who loved you. As many may know you came to me one Friday afternoon and told me you and Leah were getting married. You told me you had not purposed because you wanted to wait till you could afford to get her a beautiful engagement ring. I told you, you could have mine and you made me ask Thomas if it was okay before you accepted it. When you realized that you could not resize it to fit Leah's tiny fingers you told me mom I am having a ring made for you with your setting for Christmas. (You took the stone from my ring and had a new setting made for Leah) I will never forget the day; you called me and asked where I was? I told you I was at work and you said okay Leah and I would be over. I thought for sure you would tell me she was pregnant. LOL You walked into my office bold as always and sat down like you owned the place. Leah and Atreyu were standing in the doorway and I was talking to a client on the phone. I remember Atreyu placing a box on my desk. I hung up my call and looked at the box and looked up at you. You and that grin. I opened the box to find a single solitaire blue sapphire. (I have told may people in my life that the man who loved me the most would be the one to give me a single solitaire sapphire). I put the ring on my finger and stood up to hug and kiss you. You told me I couldn't wait to give it to you mom, I love you. I had tears in my eyes and hugged you tight and then kissed Leah and Atreyu. I am so glad you didn't wait baby. I will never take this ring off my finger and each time I look at it I will be reminded of my son who couldn't wait to give me a gift no other ever could. I love you baby and I miss you more each day.
Sleep well my love,
Mommy
Madison DeWolf
November 7, 2008
Hi Uncle Shawn
I just wanted to say I love and miss you. Thank you for being the best Uncle Shawn ever. I know I'm very young but I'll never forget you.
Love always (hugs and kisses)
Your niece Madison
Jeana DeWolf (Hallstrom)
November 7, 2008
Dear my dearest brother,
My heart is broken in so many ways then one. It has always been me and you and now your gone. During the last week if been thinking about all the memories we shared. The one that makes me laugh the most is the day you bit me because you wanted me to get off my pony cause you wanted it. I don't know why you were taking from me and I guess I'll never know. You have alway been there for me know matter what, where or what time it was you were the one I could always count on no matter what. You were and are more than just a brother to me (you know what I'm talking about). I want to ask you to do me favor and look after Maddy for me always keep her safe from harm. The last couple of nights i've put her to bed and gave her the care bear that you got her to sleep with. You'll be happy to know that she held it tighter than shes ever held anything before. Oh how I long to hear your voice and see your smile. I call your cell phone everyday, every time I get the chance hoping and praying you'll pick up and say " Hi siss whats up" It realy is true what they say the people that hurt the most is the people that are left behind. I want you to know how much I love you and I miss you dearly
Love you,
Sissy
Christopher Colon
November 7, 2008
May God bless your family. My deepest condolences. RIP Shawn.
Forever with love
Chris, Taylor & Emma
Jennifer Colon
November 7, 2008
A great man was lost on November 1, 2008. A man whose heart touched so many lives. This man loved so much and so deep that you couldn't help but love him back. And let's not forget those "Baby Blues" as he called them. One look into those eyes and you were lost inside him. No matter how hard life hit him, he kept standing tall, you could never keep him down. He loved life so much and refused to let a moment pass him by. HIs love for life was so pure and so beautiful, it's a tragedy that his time was so short. After 22 years of life and love, charisma, friendship and true happiness, he leaves us. He leaves us to wait on the other side where one day we can join him and share the love his beautiful spirit has to give. Till that day we will keep you with us in our hearts and in our thoughts. Your memory remains forever alive within each and everyone you touched.
Shawn Eric Hallstrom you are forever in my heart. My brother; my friend I miss you dearly and will always love you. May you rest in peace.
~With Love Jenny
Nick Reynolds
November 7, 2008
Shawn,
DUDDDDDDDDE! Theres never been a friend out there that could ever compare. You are my world and always will be . I will miss the good times and i will miss you every day until i see you up in heaven. You better have a cold bud light waitin for me ! This has been so hard for me you could never imagine losing the most important friend in your life. I still feel you with me and i cry to every s ong on the radio. I realized why i was gaining weight.... it was so i could fit into your clothes lol buddy i miss you so much..I want to thank you for all that you have done for me.. and admiring me and always boosting my ego when it didnt need to be! I will always love you Shawny boy ! I went to Buffalo wild wings to have some wings and a cold bear(lol) and it wasnt the same without you ! You will always be in my heart ! You have made me realize what a good friend you really were and thats all i can be for the rest of my life..I will always be your best man ! I LOVE YOU BRO
-LOVE ALWAYS
NICOLE
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