Doreen Elizabeth Harbour

HARBOUR Doreen Elizabeth (Gotro) Tragically, at her home, in Quesnel, B.C., April 4, 2008. Mrs. Harbour was 49 years old. Doreen Elizabeth Harbour (nee Gotro) was born October 23, 1958 at Kelowna General Hospital in Kelowna, British Columbia to Norman Francis and Alma (Kerslake) Gotro. Doreen was the youngest of 9 children. Doreen began her education at General Gordon School in Vancouver, B.C. She then attended Our Lady of Perpetual Help School, Bishop Carroll Secondary School in Calgary, Alberta, finishing Grade 11 at Kitsilano Secondary School in Vancouver, B.C. Doreen also attended business college in Coquitlam where she excelled in computer technology and secretarial studies. In the eulogy to her life, Doreen's brother, Paul, wrote: "No death is easy, but one can always rationalize that perhaps the life that has passed spent its final moments at ease, comforted among family and friends. But Doreen's death was tragic, lonely, and despairing of the world. We all expect, at the least, to die in the embrace of love, to have someone there to reassure us. But to die without anyone knowing, and to believe that no one cared, is beyond our comprehension. Nevertheless, this was Doreen's reality. It is real, it is heartbreaking, and it is guilt-inspiring. It's sometimes difficult to face this sort of reality, particularly when that reality has a harshness so intense it exceeds one's ability to grasp it emotionally. But God does not like cowards; thus, whatever our relationship with Him, we must find the courage to express the truth, whatever face it has, to ourselves. Doreen left us, alone, lost amid a multitude of paranoid demons, her suspicion of the world, and her paradoxical and hellish flight inward and away from the people she most wanted to be with. [We] have challenged [ourselves] over these past few days as to whether [we] might have alleviated [Doreen's] loneliness more than [we] did. With these things in mind, it may be difficult to remember our happy little "Do-dee," whose smile lit rooms, a little girl we all packed on our shoulders, whose stroller we raced - with her in it - down Maple Street hill. It may be difficult to remember her growing into a pretty young woman, romantic, full of dreams. It may be difficult to remember her becoming a mother, raising children, going about the business of caring for her home and family. It may be difficult to remember her shouting those immortal words, "Quit showing off!" It may be difficult to remember the Christmases, the holidays, the family events that meant so much to her. It may be difficult to remember the photo albums bursting with pictures of births, marriages, and even deaths. It may be difficult, but nevertheless, this, too, was Doreen's reality. This, too, is real. It is uplifting and it is awe-inspiring. And with these things in contradiction, we will seek to rationalize them. We can't help it - we're human. Which of these two people was Doreen? Was she both? Yes, she was. When did it begin? [We] don't know. We will find reasons to analyze, and to believe, about the end of our sister's, our mother's, our grandmother's life. Our analysis will probe the psyche of mental illness; it will dissect the means by which human beings become lost, even to themselves. And we will be no further ahead because our reasons are selfish. We are shocked by this death and we want to be forgiven for what we did not do, could not do, should have done, would have done. We feel guilty that we are here and she is not longer. This is natural. Doreen, however, would approach things more simply. Unlike us, perhaps, her faith in God was unshakeable - His existence, and her existence with Him, both in, and beyond this world. She believed deeply in His presence in the universe - He filled her life. Even in her darkest moments, she turned to God for her comfort and her answers. [We] mean no disrespect when [we] say that [we] have felt envious of God. And of Doreen. But [we] are comforted by Doreen's complete and unalterable confidence that God would lift her up, support her, and send angels to defend her against her own despair. As a testament to her faith, Doreen wrote hundreds of poems. Her later ones are erratic and confused, but all deal with her absolute commitment to the idea of resurrection and life beyond her simple humanity. [We] believe, without a doubt, that she wished the faith of this vision for all of us. In one poem, Doreen writes: Ç dear sweet spirit which as captured my heart And made my life all that is beautiful, I wish to thank you for the serenity Ç you have granted me Ç In another, she says: Ç He reaches his heart out to me in love, He holds me tightly. No words are spoken, But the presence of love is Ç warm Ç [Let us all] remember the sweetness of Doreen's words and of her life; do not dwell on the tragic circumstances of her death - rather, understand them, then focus on the circumstances of the moments she lived with [us]. [Doreen] loved you, and you loved her. When all the fine words are said, that will be enough." (From Eulogy to the life of Doreen Harbour (Gotro), April 30th, 2008 - Paul Gotro) Doreen is predeceased by an older brother, Mark Gotro (1950) and her father, Norman Francis Gotro (1997). She is survived by her mother, Alma Gotro (Duncan, B.C.); Brothers, Michael (Vancouver, B.C.), Paul (Quesnel, B.C.); Brian (Port Moody, B.C.); sisters, Cathy (Crofton, B.C.); Patsy (Nanaimo, B.C.); Maureen (Port Coquitlam, B.C.); Sheila (New Westminster, B.C.); former husband, Raymond (Coquitlam, B.C.); daughter and son-in-law, Carly and Alistair Hadden of Langley, B.C.; daughter, Chelsea (North Vancouver), son, Luke (Coquitlam); grandchildren, Jordy, Noah and Gracie; a favorite cousin, Pierrette St. Louis (Ottawa, Ontario); and a large extended family including many close friends. A memorial service to celebrate Doreen's life was held at St. Ann's Catholic Church in Quesnel, B.C., on Wednesday, April 30th, at 11:00 a.m. Father Dale Normandeau officiated the service. Funeral arrangements and cremation in Quesnel were entrusted to Clayton Funeral Home. Further arrangements for burial entrusted to Ocean View Burial Park, Burnaby, B.C. A burial service at Ocean View (Evergreen Gardens) for family and friends will be held on Saturday, May 17th, 2008, at 3:00 P.M. A family dinner to follow. The family wishes to extend their gratitude to all those who gave their time and support to our daughter, sister, mother and grandmother during her time of need. Particularly, we wish to thank Dorothy, Gladys and Anne, Doreen's neighbours. Their generosity to Doreen and their compassion towards Doreen's family following her death will be remembered always. Gratitude is also extended to Quesnel R.C.M.P./Victim Services for their immediate and compassionate response to our sister's death and care of Doreen's brother, Paul. Special thanks to Len and Laura of Clayton Funeral Home in Quesnel for their exceptional service to the family. In lieu of flowers, anyone wishing to, may make a donation to their local S.P.C.A. Doreen loved animals very much. Doreen is at peace now - in the loving arms of her angels.