• Whitehurst Sullivan Burns & Blair Funeral Home
    Fresno, CA
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Carmen U. Adame 1954 - 2010

Carmen U. Adame

Saturday, November 13, 2010
Everytime I miss you, I find myself here in this journal. I think besides me, everyone feels its the closet thing we have to you. Looking at your picture or even everyone's thoughts. The holidays are coming around and I feel my chest getting tighter everyday. I don't know how to cope with this loss, really. I lost my one true best friend and I am hurting not knowing what to do with the feelings I get. I Love you caramel, wishing I was all just a nightmare I had and you were still here.....Love you and going to hurt even more when the holidays are here.
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Its been four months today, an I cant stress enough how much i miss you!!!! I think about everything I want to say to you when I go to visit you at the cementary, but when i get there.... all i do is cry for you!!! My stomach aches with so much pain from the loss of you. Sometimes im annoyed by everyday life.... I wakeup some mornings & remember me an my sisters life growing up with you as far back as i can remember till the day you left us. I can play it all back in my head all day long, then i realize its time for bed.... I know I could say this a billion times and it wont even matter, but I wish I could just hold you in my arms & tell you how much I love you, that im thankful for the life you gave me an the blessed memories you shared with me & my family!!!!! You were the BEST MOM ever to me, my sisters & our friends when we all needed you. Thanks for everything and for just being you!!!

I LOVE YOU MAMA,
Your mija, Veronica
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Hi Mommy, I know I say this all the time but I miss you soooo much!!!!! Everyday to and from work I listen to your Mariah Carey CD and just cry because no matter how upset I am and if I'm having a bad day I feel like the words in some of the songs are meant especially for me. Like you are trying to tell me that you are with me no matter what...and it gives me some comfort. I am trying my hardest to be strong and do all the things you have taught me from being a good mother and wife. But sometimes it's so hard because I have no one to tell me that they are proud of me and the job I am doing under these difficult circumstances. I knew the kids loved to make you proud but I never knew how just by you telling them you were proud of them and all the encouragement you gave them to do good in school would make such a difference in their lives. I know the words you spoke to them are still fresh in their minds but what scares me is that in time they will forget because the have no one else besides me & Javier to tell them and lets face it they think we just say it cause we have too because we're their parents. You didn't have to encourage them but you did because you loved them like no other grandmother could. You would be so proud of your little morito mommy, he is doing so well in school, at home and even is doing GREAT in cross country. I always remind him that nana is probably saying "good job Big Daddy, so proud of you" and he says "yeah I can hear nana telling me run moro run"

I am going to need you to be by my side when I go to have my procedure next week because you always made me feel safe even though I know you were scared for me. I love you and miss you so much and can't believe how much my life has changed with out you being here. May you continue to bless me & our family as you walk with the good lord you beautiful angel. XOXOXOXO
Friday, October 15, 2010
Well its been three months since you've been gone and i still dont want to accept things the way they are.... I wait everyday for a phone call or for you to show up at my door, to tell me why haven't i called you!!! I miss you so much & feel so lost an helpless without you here!!! I sometimes find myself grouchey or moody with my family & friends... don't know why it happens, just does. I guess i am mad at the world an have to blame somebody for taking you from me!!!
Yesturday was Valeries birthday, an we went to Castillos for dinner, but didn't feel quite the same. I expect to see you walk in with gary :(, I think about how all the Holidays are slowly approaching an will not be the same because your not here to start the party!!! You always brought so much joy to our lives as a family an thats how all familys should be!!! Thats why i am so thankful for the life & memories we shared!! You were a beautiful women & person in everyway, shape or form... I'm glad we were as close as we were, because there are alot of daughters who don't have that kind of relationship with their mother & wish they did!!! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, an i feel like my heart is breaking into a billion pieces and i'm only waiting for you to bring your loving, healing hands to mend it with your big beautiful smile & big squishy hugs!!!
As for my man, you would say... He misses you to, because without you, there would be no me & what you taught me... how to to be strong, love, an take care of him, & put him in his place every now an then!!! You Know what I mean, Remember Mi Vida Loca!?!? The kids miss you alot, sometimes they laugh & sometimes they cry... I have to get on them from time to time when they are being bad. I tell them, Nana is watching you and shes probably upset. Then they pray to you at night an say their sorry. But you would say, their just being the Montanez's!!!
Well one day I know I will see you again... Just wish it was under different circumstances... You were one of the best things to have happened in my life and I will never, not in a billion years forget you or let my kids forget you, for you are the inspiration of our evryday lifes!!!

Loving you always, Your mija # 2, Veronica
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Here I am again. I thought of you on your birthday, I think about you when I am on the road, I think of you when its just me and my son and I just think of you every minute I get alone or when songs come up on the radio. One day as I was driving to school the song "in the arms of the angel" came up and I just started crying with this heartache inside and my stomach turning and eyes burning. The painful loss. Everyday I tend to lie to myself that your still here just been a very busy women like you always say. I haven't even called dad because everytime it feels like a reality check for me that you are gone. I don't care I admit I am in denial, oh well. I don't know what else to do and how don't know to fully except yet, but to think your here just havent had the time to chat. Today is one of those days that is hard on me and writing to you is the closet thing I have to you so here I am. I Miss YOU sooo much, give us all the strength to those who love you dearly to get through this painful loss. I love you caramel....
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