I never imagined writing to you here. I never saw myself without you. I never thought I could lose you.
Now I am writing to you here, making arrangements no one should ever have to make and having conversations no one should ever have to have. My heavy broken heart aches and longs for you and now I finally know your pain and agony in losing Grandma. I'm so sorry I didn't, couldn't fully understand what it was like to lose your mom. I am so lost and alone without you. Now I understand. Now I understand.
Mom I hope you are at peace and even happier than you were here during our short time together. I wish you joy and elation with a God that you trusted in to keep us safe every night. Thank you Mom for asking God to watch over us. Thank you Mom for believing so strongly in God, in your family and in yourself. Thank you for shaping me into the kind of woman I am proud to be. Thank you for being the kind of mom whose absence sends you crashing to your knees gasping for air, unable to escape the pain.
Thank you for being my mom. Thank you for being the type of mom that will make me ache for your infectious smiles, your beautiful voice, our secret language, the smell of your soft skin, the warm & healing touch of your hands and our friendship forever.
Thank you for the deep, awful, agonizing, unrelenting pain in my chest that I have never felt before. I feel as though something has punched a hole inside of me as big as the month of August. Thank you for this pain. This pain can only mean one thing: I lost the most amazing person I have ever known.
Thank you for blessing me with so much. Thank you for always staying true to yourself and showing me how too. Thank you for being with me my whole life.
Thank you for you.
I never imagined writing to you here. I can't see myself without you. I am so lost and alone.
Thank you for being the kind of mom and friend who is missed so painfully.
I love you mom.