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Fern Holland Obituary

Click here for NewsOK.com's special interactive report on Fern Holland.

Fern Holland: 1970-2004

By Judy Gibbs Robinson, The Oklahoman

No one who knew Fern Holland was surprised when the 33-year-old Oklahoma lawyer decided to go to Iraq just two months after the official fighting ended in May.

Worried, yes; surprised, no.

After all, this was a woman whose adult life had been one adventure after another: traveling the world after college; living in a remote village in Namibia as a Peace Corps volunteer; investigating sexual assaults in a violence-plagued refugee camp in Guinea.

For fun, she once descended into the ocean in a steel cage to see great white sharks up close. Even back home in the United States, she had a way of plunging into dangerous situations.

In college, she went jogging alone at night, frightening her sorority adviser.

"We always called her 'Fearless Fern,'" said LeAnn Harmon, a sorority sister at the University of Oklahoma.

"We figured Fern would live through anything; it's everyone else with her you have to worry about."

But Fern Leona Holland, the little girl from Bluejacket who became a spitfire lawyer and human rights activist on multiple continents, couldn't live through an ambush by five Iraqi gunmen determined to kill her.

She died March 9 in a hail of AK-47 bullets that also claimed the lives of American colleague Robert Zangas of Trafford, Pa., and her Iraqi interpreter, assistant and close friend Salwa Ali. She was buried Saturday in the Bluejacket cemetery near the graves of her parents.

While her four siblings and their children mourned back home in Oklahoma, word of Holland's death quickly spread to her many friends: school teachers and classmates from Miami; Delta Gamma "sisters" from OU; fellow Peace Corps volunteers; African refugees; lawyers in Tulsa and Washington.

Leading feminists from the National Organization for Women, the Feminist Majority Foundation and the National Council of Women's Organizations issued statements praising Holland's work.

Residents of a refugee camp in Guinea renamed the legal clinic she started there the Fern Holland Legal Aid Clinic of Nzerekore. The city council in Miami, where she grew up and graduated from high school, observed a moment of silence and then discussed a memorial to honor her.

The Cherokee Nation, of which she was a member, passed a resolution saying she "died as a warrior."

A life just 33 years long left a big wake. ...

Click here for NewsOK.com's special interactive report on Fern Holland.

To plant trees in memory, please visit the Sympathy Store.

Published by Oklahoman on Mar. 12, 2004.

Memories and Condolences
for Fern Holland

697 Entries

jack

August 3, 2025

It is Sunday August 3,2025, the end of the weekend. I am still working, not retired. I'll be back at work tomorrow and Tuesday August 5,2025 will just really be more of the same. Today, now is my time with you, two days before your birthday. August 5,2025, you would have been 55 years old. I am way past 55, but I remember 50 and 55 being momentous. I saw what you were doing in Iraq but there was nothing that either of us could have done or said that would have prevented the horror that resulted. Your life is best understood by looking at your big goals and by your achievement of those big goals. When I think of you I think about all the things you sought to accomplish and how you sought to bring the world closer to the idea of equality for all. That idea still remains as an objective. That objective has not been diminished. It survives for me as the purpose of your life and as my reason to cherish you until I meet you again. Happy Birthday my very special friend, Fern Holland.

John

March 7, 2025

It's a Friday, 36 hours away from that time 21 years ago when you were killed. It's the end of the day, the end of the week and I am alone in my office at work just as it was when we first met many years ago. You would think that I would have somewhere to go, particularly now at the beginning of a weekend, but the truth is this is my time for you.
I've never recovered from the tragedy of your life. I've had very few days when I have not thought of you and of all the promise ahead of you in life. I've tried to live that promise out in my own life just for the sake of thinking that I did not let you down. That at least one of us made an attempt to illuminate some small dark corner of the world. That's all that I came to say.... You are all still so sorely missed. You, Bob Zangas and Salma, three beautiful people gone much too soon. You are loved and missed.

John

December 7, 2024

A war is not a good time or place to make long-lasting loving relationships. But it has been my experience that the friends I have lost in war, I also don't forget. I lost you and Ken Begley in Iraq. There may have been others, but I was a contractor not military, not civilian and contractor deaths for the most part were announced once and then no more. You were the first and the exception. Regardless of whether you were the first, you were memorialized largely due to your impact. Our meeting was no less significant. When others were fearful, you were brave. It was obvious to me that you were mission driven and that distinguished you from the many that were in Iraq. That is only one of the reasons I remember you today.

Jack

May 27, 2024

I have worked as a DoD Contractor for 24 years now. On May 31,2024 I will stop working. I thought I held a title and a position of prestige and authority, but I was mistaken. Fern was a DoD contractor too. I believe she felt she had some authority and the ability and power to accomplish her job in Iraq. I know at least one thing about Fern. I know she tried very hard night and day to accomplish her job, her mission.

Today is Memorial Day. The US celebrates and remembers those like Fern that responded to the country's need for protection and defense. In Fern's case, she did not carry a weapon. She presented a gift. She went to Iraq, not to fight, but to explain equality, democracy, civil rights and freedom and not just for the women of Iraq. But for all Iraqis.

My point is this. Fern's mission in Iraq was far broader and much deeper than simply calling her an "Advocate for Women". Her role in Iraq was much larger than that. When others were too afraid to go outside the Green Zone, Fern was living unshielded and unprotected in Al Hillah. Others that had the prestige and authority to get the job done, were hunkering down inside the Palace waiting for the situation in Iraq to cool down. It never did.

If you are looking for a woman of courage on this Memorial Day, let me mention Fern once again to you. She was a proud, courageous woman of conviction, that I will never forget. Like myself, she might not have had all the tools, authority and power to get her job done, but she never stopped trying to make a difference and positive impact. She is a hero and a national treasure, never to be forgotten.

Jeffrey Green

March 9, 2024

Remembering you twenty years after that tragic day, Fern. But the ripple you started in Iraq at that time continues to inspire people today. It will produce incredible amounts of fruit. In many places around the world, it already has. You are greatly missed and dearly loved, and you will never be forgotten.

Jack

March 8, 2024

I remember your eyes..... not quite blue not quite green....almost the color of Hyacinths, Hydrangeas, or Morning Glorys maybe but not quite that blue...As an amatuer gardener, I learned that the color of a flowering plant depends very much on the acidity of the soil. In strongly acid soil (pH below 6), flowers turn blue. In alkaline soil (pH above 7), flowers turn pink or even red.
This is the 20th year of your assassination. On March 9,2004, we lost you, Bob Zangas and Salwa Ourmashi. Three people that were changing perceptions in Iraq.
If all you ever knew were red or pink flowers, think what a wonderful surprise to discover a blue or pale blue flower?!
You were that flower for me. You were the surprise. I associate anything that I see as pale blue with you. That is how I remember you. That is how I will always remember you, particularly in the Spring even 20 years later.

Jack Dunbar

February 25, 2024

I recently saw a documentary on the life of Mickey Mantle, who grew up in Commerce OK less than 30 minutes from Blue Jacket, OK. And on this the 20th anniversary of Fern's murder, maybe I understand better what motivated her to live her life with such intensity. I will always love her for that passion. She was willing to exhaust herself for the sake of others that needed her help and she was always willing to give that love and encouragement. Fern will forever be in my thoughts as brilliant a Legend as Mickey Mantle, actually more brilliant. Fern was beautiful, thoughtful and indomitable. And justice needs to be done to those responsible for her murder.

Willie LIVINGSTONE

September 14, 2023

Your memory will never leave us but God has you in the mansions up there.

Ernestine Greaves

September 13, 2023

Fern, I came to say hello today as I think of you. It's almost 20 years but I remember you like it was yesterday. Rest in Peace my friend.

John

July 29, 2023

August can not arrive without me thinking of your birthday. Now it has been 20 years since you arrived in Iraq and in March 2024 another 20 years since your assassination in Iraq. It was between your arrival and your death that we met. And all the time since your death, I have not stopped thinking of you. In my mind, I felt that I just wanted you to know how much I appreciated spending just such a short time with you. Our time together was just moments, moments. But I let you overtake my life. I gave you everything that I could, because I saw you were on a mission that I could not slow for even a moment. That is what you did to me. You caused me to pause and pay attention to your need to your mission and risk my life for you. And then you moved on with your mission but I did not move on. I continued to think about you. And I have thought about you ever since. I should visit your gravesite someday. I should leave a rose and say a prayer and tell you how sad I am. And maybe even say goodbye. I have carried you in my heart all these years and there are many more words that I would like to say but only between you and I. Not here and not now. But I am here on your birthday to say I love you and good night.

Jack

March 6, 2023

Baghdad, Iraq Current date and time Monday March 6,2023 1256 PM.

People say that "Time is precious". And Time is ever so precious when I think of you. And we both know that I think of you often.

What happens when we die? The best response I've heard to that question was, "I don't know, but what I do know is that we are never forgotten by the people that we loved and that loved us" - Keanu Reeves.

I can tell you that you have not been forgotten. You live on inside of me every day. I feel and try to share the love that I had with you and many others because it is the only way that I can feel, share and return you to my world. You are special among my many friends because our time together was very short, dangerous and very purposeful. You entered my life for only a moment but the time was ever so precious and meaningful.

The day of your murder is not one that I want to commemorate. Though it is a day I'll never forget. Never, ever forget. We all miss you and love you.

John

May 27, 2022

We honor our national heroes this weekend. To my mind, I have met few poeple as openly heroic as you.I have many thoughts as to how I might have influenced you to slow your pace but that would have been against your nature. You saw something that needed to be done and you were full bore. I only hope that there are many more people that learn of your heroism and seek to be as selflessly heroic in their lives as a result. I know you are observing us all from afar. I know I steer my life towards a glow in the distance believing you are out there still in that westerly direction.

Jeka

March 7, 2022

Fern.......It's 3/7/2022 900PM MTN time. Baghdad time is 3/8/2022 and I don't want to know the exact hour. This is the 18th year that you have been gone. But usually several times each week I think of you. I then pause a lot to remember you . My grandchild is Ukranian, Russian and American by birth and when I look at her I often think of you. I think she looks like you and even acts like you. She is a beloved and joyous child at 30 months. Just as you were at 33 years. You are always with me just as I am always with you. I know you are sending your love to us as we struggle to end this war between Ukraine and Russia. I wish you were here with us because your love was overwhelming and tangible. And we can use that level of love in our world right now.

Kent

December 5, 2021

I'll always remember seeing you for the first time in Iraq. That memory will always live with me. Just know that there were many of us that loved you and you'll never be forgotten RIP

Martin

August 3, 2021

Fern.....I have special memories of you. There are months in my life that are special because of you. August is one of those months. August 5 you would have been 51 years old. I wish you had been 51 when we first met. Maybe then, you would have looked twice and agreed to go to dinner with me. I admired you for being so mission driven, but there was a perspective that you just blew past. I am thinking of you on your birthday as I do frequently time and time again

Jack

May 28, 2021

Memorial Day 2021 is in 3 days. Today is Friday and the beginning of a long and traditionally beautiful early summer weekend. As I age, the meaning of "Memorial Day" is more acutely focused. Memorial Day was meant to commemorate the real heroes of this world, those like yourself that sought to reverse an injustice. I think of you often. My memory of you endures through the seasons and the years.

Martin

April 12, 2021

We celebrate Patriot's Day in April on the third Monday. The Boston Marathon due to COVID was a "virtual race" not run on Patriot's Day and has been moved to November 11 (Veteran's Day) in 2021. When I would train for Boston my endorphins would accelerate and fear and pain would disappear and I imagined I was flying. I had a dream over the weekend and when I awoke I thought of you. My brave friend running against time. I see you in my granddaughter and I see my granddaughter in you. You haven't disappeared from my life, Something always triggers a loving memory of you.

March 10, 2021

Fern I didn't forget you yesterday. Actually I woke at 1:20AM yesterday and immediately thought it was 1:20PM in Baghdad and that 17 years ago you were gone by this time on that day. I wanted the entire day to pass. To live my life as I had every other day before and after your death and to feel the full effect of your loss. I know now the feeling of your loss will never pass.

March 1, 2021

I know you are protecting me. I know that whatever happens you are on my side. You knew from the moment that we met I was not afraid to help you. It was unspoken. It was unsaid. We didn't need to verbalize it. We didn't need to make a pact. I haven't forgotten you since the day we met. You are still in my life. We are still in each others lives and memories. There is nothing more to say. Your spirit, your faith and your love lives and lifts us all every day. I fear not.

john

November 11, 2020

Veterans Day 2020. Is there anyone in Blue Jacket OK that will bring a wreath or flag to your grave today ? That is what we do for our veterans today. But you and I were contractors in Iraq so usually no special mention of our service. The only special honor is that I remember you so distinctly. So when I think of those that made that special sacrifice I always think of you as well.

October 9, 2020

Today would have been my Dad's 99th Birthday.....earlier in the month was my Mothers 98th Birthday.... When I think of them I also often think of you. It's the Love. It's the way that you all lived your lives...It's also of course that I miss you all and wish you were here with me. The "Good" too often depart this world and leave the rest of us feeling more sad and a little hollow inside. We miss you all, but we carry-on. God will decide but we also get a chance to leave a trace of ourselves behind. This is to say that you left me feeling more love because you were nothing but love. I feel that to this day 16+ years later.

July 31, 2020

Fern... If you were alive, today might be the last day that I could US Mail a Birthday card to you and have it arrive on time. Think about that. maybe it explains why I am wishing you a Happy Birthday today... You have never been lost for me...For me you are still here among us....just not immediately present...A spirit such as yours never truly leaves...actually I think it just embodies itself in and among the people that have loved you. With each passing day my time on this earth also decreases. But for the moment, your spirit is contained in my thought, action and words RIP

martin

May 18, 2020

Memorial day will occur 7 days from today and a lot has happened since my last visit here to be with you. I keep losing friends...this is to be expected...but you were the first to be unexpectedly lost... I come here to feel the loss, but also to tell you I remember...you have not been forgotten.... you will always live on inside me until the end of my days.

March 16, 2020

I thought of you, I just didn't make it to the page to write to you this year. I was following one of my favorite missions/passions if that makes it better. Hopefully, the diversity we bring to the scientific world will bring a different lens to such things as the current health crisis. And the world has gone crazy. You wouldn't believe it! I hear the refugee camps will be devastated. And I wonder if they will really be able to help them. But, WHO is trying. I'm looking forward to April, I hope things get better. Remembering you.
ITB

martin

March 8, 2020

My dear Fern: I have a granddaughter now (born August 28 2019). There is a resemblance between you and her. The shape of the face, the positioning of the blue eyes and the nose, the curve of the lips and the mouth, the roundness and the softness of the chin, the smile, the laugh.... will she be your image?..... I think it is possible that she may look much like you....At 6 months she is beginning to express herself and engage with all of us and show humor and joy.....That's probably enough information for now...My real message is you are never far from my conscious thought. I think about you often. Today is International Women's Day and in the USA we turn our clocks forward one hour for daylight savings time. I wish I could truly move time forward and back but not by an hour. Today is your day and I am thinking of you alive today. M

Ernestine Greaves

February 19, 2020

Fern, I've never forgotten you or the work you did in Guinea for us refugee women. I've never forgotten your legacy you left behind, the Fern Holland Legal Aid Clinic. You still inspire me and a lot of what I do today. Rest In Peace my dear friend. Know that we love you...

Jack Dunbar

February 13, 2020

February is always a difficult month for me because I know that March is only 28/29 days away and then it is time to speak with you. That is why I chose today, the day before St Valentine's day to say I love you. The fewer words the better here, but I wanted there to be a reminder from me to you on St Valentine's day. I suppose there are times when love is expressed after the fact or much too late to make a difference. But I don't think the timing of the thought makes a difference here and it might just be that an expression of love many years later though bittersweet in this instance is just the same equally as heartfelt...maybe more remorseful here but also maybe more genuinely sincere. On St Valentine's Day you deserve to be told how deeply we all loved you and .we still do to this very day, everyday.

December 7, 2019

Just so you know I am thinking of you today.... the day we first met 16 years ago....you have been always on my mind.....throught the good..... through the bad.... wherever I go.....you are never forgotten....

Alan Sturdivan

October 14, 2019

Alan Sturdivan

October 14, 2019

October 13, 2019

Fern.... I see that in many small ways each year more and more people are becoming aware of you and of the life that you lived. I am one of the few that knew you only from our time together in Iraq. I visit here because I believe that courage can only be reinforced by associating with the courageous and with those willing to be champions for others in life. You were that for us all.

August 6, 2019

Dear Fern: On your 49th birthday the single thought that resonates in my mind are the lyrics "What the world needs now is love, sweet love,,, that's the only thing that there's just too little of" That song was released in April 1965 and it is more true today than it was even back in those dark days of the 1960's. You were love personified. That is why I keep coming back here to remind myself of you. The less words the better 143

June 6, 2019

The 75th Anniversary of the D-Day invasion is happening now. I think the thought of honoring the courage and bravery of all involved in that mission also causes me to think of you. You marched forward seeking to help the oppressed in a foreign country and lost your life. My life goes on, but you are always in my thoughts.

May 24, 2019

Memorial Day approaches and each year I have to add another departed friend to my list of those that have passed yet need to be remembered this weekend. You of course (sadly I must say) remain in my mind. My President JFK was born May 29, 102 years ago and so I always think of him this weekend. Another excellent friend also passed away some years ago just prior to this weekend, so I think of him as well. We honor warriors on this weekend so yes my dear, you qualify. There was no one in Iraq more courageous, more determined more dedicated to doing good than you my dear ( unless it was me ). You and I both understood "Here on earth God's work must truly be our own" was our job while we were together then and now.

March 14, 2019

Here is a Youtube video of Fern prior to her death https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eNFgNPFl2Dw&t=4s
This is the woman that I remember. Sweet, soft spoken, direct to the point, no nonsense, determined to get the job done yet caring, compassionate, beautiful, lovely sense of humor, smile, blue eyes, youthful, full of energy....I ask myself how could it be that I miss her so much and the best answer that I can give is that she was meteoric. I felt the heat, she was incandescent. It hurts to watch this short video, but also warms the heart to be in her presence again. Please leave your hearfelt comments here. It helps to know that others have also been truly touched by this gentle, thoughtful woman.

March 8, 2019

At 7AM my time it already is 5PM in Baghdad... that means if I don't tell you that I love you today by this time tomorrow you'll be gone....I love you....I met my match in you....You were all grit, all guts,,, no backing down,,, all work.... pure joy in living.... and that is why 15 years later I am here with you...And their actions were all very premeditated... they had to kill you on International Women's Day...March 9th... just to spread the terror and the fear that much more....so they thought...But they haven't...if anything... I am resolved to remain undefeated entirely for your sake...I'll never give in to the pseudo-terror. Maybe once fooled but never again.

February 28, 2019

Fern... I stopped by in advance of the Day...because I do not like to be late...March gnaws on me..As soon as the month begins I can only think of you...You know this and I know this..so we share this time in March together...I think of you and I tell you I love you...Love is a wonderful emotion... our love makes us more human and vulnerable...I'm glad we had a brief moment together before I knew I loved you....when all I could do was watch and be amazed by your grit and determination...That's enough for now..Rest in peace my lovely friend.

February 16, 2019

I keep the words bottled up inside me.... holding them too long....but today they have escaped..I think of you often, but I also think about others that I have loved. I think about Dad, Mom and Fern. January for Dad, February for Mom and March for Fern..... that's how I mark time now in my life. I remember you because we shared the same mission with the same dedication and purpose. I saw that in your character and behavior and I was impressed and as a result I became curious about you. I remain curious about you because I do not believe your spirit has departed from this world. When I think about you now, yes I am saddened but also sometimes indignant. I feel compelled to push back for the sake of justice. That is why I visit you, just to let you know that I am thinking about you and to tell you that I feel you still in my life. We were friends for a short time 15 years ago and we are still the same today. We are separated only by time. I will catch up with you someday, someday too.

Willie Livingstone

January 24, 2019

Your memory lives in my heart forever Fern. I love you now, forever and always.

John

December 4, 2018

We share my birthday again in a few days.... and you have arrived on time and I have allowed you into my thoughts again.... perhaps sadly even now I say welcome back ..but it's ok, I do want you here with me... we were meant to share my birthday together ..we have a tradition now and I still do want you here in my thoughts.

As I get older I see more clearly the more obvious circular pattern of life..This morning for instance I am seeing the beautiful pink glow of a new day and thinking of you I also think about the arrival of the all-religious holiday season and I tell myself the clock does not exist.

Sadly, I also see perhaps a more brutal tribalism today than ever before yes but I also understand better that I need to forgive 7 times 70. I imagine you and how you might have been at age 48 this year...How much more mature and graceful might our first meeting have been if you were then age 48? What a curious thought is that huh?

I still don't know if I could have or would have tried to slow you down a bit..Would I even have tried?... No, probably not, though I did try. But you were much too determined as a woman on a mission to be deterred and so we made our pact and I went to dinner alone. At 48 you might have regarded your situation at that time differently.

As time and life passes I apply the brakes slightly more frequently...this morning for example...Yes I know we customarily meet exactly on the day...but not this year...I miss you.....I'll always miss you....and the love... it will always be there..I wanted to uncork this sweet bittersweet emotion just a little sooner to give myself time to breathe.....I've been missing you for quite a long time.... but you are catching up with me in age. It won't be long before you are older....I stopped counting birthdays a year after you were gone...Now it's your turn to catch me...

Jack

October 7, 2018

Fern.... Some years ago I met your "cousin" in Houston,TX.....A woman, an attorney, a fiercely independent spirit, wickedly smart, brave, beautiful, determined to get justice for her clients.... I'll say no more....I know why I woke this morning thinking of you and it was because of your work for women. You and I do not need words to communicate, you know my thoughts. I am with you my dear. I will always be with you. You are in my heart, you are in my mind. We have been together through 14 years and we will always be together. Send me a message and send one to Casie. Let her know she is not alone. God bless you, my dear. Jeka

August 5, 2018

Fern....... I woke up this morning thinking of you....My thoughts are still scattered....I am in the Arizona higb desert now. Even with binoculars my neighbors are mostly out of sight. It is early morning and I hear cattle mooing, bugs buzzing and zinging, birds cheeping, chirping and cackling and an occasional car coming down the highway....These are all sounds of an early Sunday morning in Arizona..

I think about you and it all begins to fit into place somehow....These are sounds that are reflective of the distance (the bees are humming and buzzing now too),,, the very real distance that exists between where I am and where you are....Relevance.??!! .I just know that what was done to you was hate-filled. I am reminded to be careful and cautious in life. Thinking of you I am reminded that I need to find room in my life for love..you were love personified ...Thinking of you I am reminded to be the same...I am reminded to listen and to accept the discord, look for the relevance and to keep love in my heart... Happy Birthday my sweet princess. Jeka ....

August 1, 2018

Brendan and I were thinking about what we should do for your birthday....We finally decided to ask Juan to stop by, say hello and happy birthday to you and then as a present to play some Flamenco guitar for you....

Who says the living and the dead are disconnected? I don't feel disconnected from you and neither I nor Brendan feel disconnected from Juan..... It's a great big circle of lights, dark and shadows.... I see you then I don't... we see and we feel Juan and then we don't..... but neither of you are really missing..... you are just not present.... we still feel you both .... we know you are with us and in our lives and we love you both..... we always will... John and Brendan

July 26, 2018

Amici Carrissimi....my dear friend....I think about you often and I am well aware of your birthday very shortly.....You are never very far from my thoughts...Before your birthday takes place I wanted to say how much you are missed. You are still loved and admired by your many friends Jack

May 12, 2018

Fern...Your name came up in some correspondence with a friend..Prior to that correspondence, I relocated from the East Coast to Arizona..So much coninues to happen in my life..but yet there are always bread crumbs that remind me of you...that lead my thoughts back to you....I am getting aged but I do think about what we would look like in Iraq standing side by side...both blond, blue eyed, me ..you...It's too painful a thought..I'm not sure that any interruption in the flow of events or timeline would have mattered.. I am here and you are not..but you still fill a space in my thoughts...Your many friends are still here and we all love you.

March 9, 2018

Happy 14th Angel Day, milady! The fruits of your labors continue to grow, as seen in other countries where brave women like you step forward to inspire and empower other women to be self-sufficient where they were previously oppressed! Your legacy lives on and continues to inspire these women! Your battle will rage on and continue toward victory, especially since you are still one in spirit with your sisters in freedom! Lead on, brave lady!

John

March 9, 2018

Another anniversary of your profound loss just when the world needs more like you. You would be making such a difference if that fateful day had never happened. You are always a blessed memory.

March 9, 2018

Fern...It occured to me now that my lovely new wife has a bit of you in her. She is small and about your size. And she turns heads as you did as well. But she is all business, no frills, no fantasys. She is not from the US and she celebrates and appreciates International Womens Day as an international woman. I tell her how much I love her every day and I tell her I am her protector but yet she knows that for a woman the world is a far more fearful place than it is for a man.
Now I have you both in my life. Two angels. I promise you that I will try harder as a man to bring more peace and more calm to my world and maybe it will ripple outward and have the butterfly effect of a warm and gentle rain across the earth and around the world. We will talk again, we always do. You hold me in the palms of your hands and I fell that love and tenderness in my life. I love you and I miss you but we will meet again. And I thank you for sending me the angel that is now in my life here on this earth. Her smile and her dancing eyes melt my heart every day. Her joyful attitude, playfulness and kindness motivate me to be kind, loving and strong as well. Good bye my lovely Fern. Jeka

March 8, 2018

The year really flew by. I made a conscious decision to let go of the negative, to not let it take hold, but to put it into my peripheral vision. Too many things that are positive and that can really help. I moved forward with GC with a second year in the field and lab. I know we will help make a difference when its done. You made a difference. It bothers me that you still had so much left to do. I just hope that those around you were inspired to continue, not retreat. From the posts that I read, that seems to be true.
Missed.

February 18, 2018

Fern...... The day,,,,,that day......keeps creeping up on us......maybe someone would say it is approaching once again.... regardless "International Women's Day +1" was the day wasn't it? And so what was their message when they took your life? My blood still boils when I think about the horror and the tragedy of the violence against you. But the best way to avenge you, the best way to crush this brutality is to teach peace to the next generation. The best way is to cut off the source blood. Mahatma Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Nelson Mandela, maybe even Jack Kennedy we have seen leaders in the past that have moved entire populations towards freedom and peace. We need to be done with those that would demean, demonize or destroy a life or a population. I think of you and I think of your sacrifice and I know that you are touching me even now even from so far away. God bless you my sweet woman. I love you and I miss you. I am doing my best to demonstrate your courage in my daily life, every day. I can't be conquered nor could you. Your beautiful spirit does truly still live on in me. At some time we will surely meet again Jeka

December 6, 2017

Well as is always the case now, whenever my birthday arrives... you and I are inextricably bound together once again....Should I tell you now Happy Birthday...Yes the day has arrived for me once again..and once again I share it with you..I try not to celebrate it...yes it is actually December 7...."the day of infamy" and perhaps that "Pearl Harbor Day-Day of Infamy" now has a more and additional and tragic reason for being...Lucky you, I need to go to work otherwise I would allow my pain to drift off into additional thoughts of you. I tell myself that I stood in line for you and I did my job for you. I persevered when others were losing their heads and I continue to persevere. We both had that much in common and we both worked at trying to do our best for the Iraqi people.143

November 5, 2017

Once again we meet to talk..This time I must tell you that I got married. After so many false starts and after almost 14 years of missing you. I am happy but my life still remains chaotic. People say that our lives are mosaics. I only wish that was true. But our lives are not mosaics. I think of you and I imagine standing at Zabriskie Point looking at the sediment that is now core rock. This is the point where I met Fern. This is the crushing memory of oh so many years thinking about you and only wishing that I could have done more to help you. All of that is compressed inside me. Compressed to the point that if you did not live through this terrible tragedy how might you explain to anyone how hard the rock inside has become? I'll stop right here because you know all my thoughts.I love you still but it was time for me to move on and yes maybe even fall in love again. You are 47 now and we are both getting older. 143 my sweetheart.

August 6, 2017

Fern.... I have lost all track of time....maybe that is what happens when a memory is fading... I thought your birthday was 8/8 not 8/5... (8/8 is another dear friend)... My one lone lasting consolation after reading your letter to law school below is that I did not fail to assist you when you asked for my help. How could I? But in retrospect I do wish I had slowed you down. I do wish I had told you to take some time for yourself. There are several other things I think I might have said had I known the future. But I didn't. All I can say is that from the first moment I met you I thought I was looking at an angel. And I still think that to this day. Because I was. That much is now truly clear in my mind. I was face to face with an angel and I'll never forget you.

August 5, 2017

Happy 47th Birthday, milady! Thanks to you, the name 'Holland' means so much more than a country known for its tulips and windmills; it now means guaranteed basic human rights by law! We seem to be gaining the upper hand against ISIS in Iraq and Syria, with allies scoring victories by our side in the Middle East! I know that you're smiling from Heaven as the forces of good continue toward final victory! Enjoy your mana cake with your mother again, milady, until we are all reunited as one great family forever through our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ! :)

John C.

August 5, 2017

This is another day of remembering a birthday missed because of your dedication to your values and beliefs. The light glowing from your birthday candles continues to be missed as is the light you were to those who knew you. Your legacy needs to continue as you were a beacon to all those around you.

Viola Holland-Christianson

August 5, 2017

August 5, 2017
Happy Birthday, Fern ... I miss you, still.

Below is Fern's application letter to The University of Tulsa Law School. It is my sincere hope that her words might remind us all of our shared humanity.

Vi Holland

March 1, 1993

To Whom it May Concern,

After graduating from the University of Oklahoma in May 1992, I traveled and worked abroad for 7 months. I had intended to study medicine, but during the last two years of college my outlook and focus on life change considerably. I decided I wanted to study law and work in the area of Human Rights and Environmental Law. I took a year off of school to review my decision by exploration of self which is inseparable from the exploration or others. Hence, my decision to travel and experience life in other cultures.

I worked in Israel for a few weeks as an Archeologist. I spent time in the West Bank in attempt to better understand the situation. I then traveled to Greece and Bulgaria before meeting the organization Volunteers For Peace in Moscow. I went with VFP to Sverdlovsk, previously a military town in Siberia, where we worked in a children's hospital. Most of the children were ill due to the nuclear catastrophe in the area. While in Russia, I met and stayed with a Russian family who would force an end to any romantic views of communism one might have from studying Marx. I proceeded to Czechoslovakia and back to Western Europe until the end of October at which time I left for South Africa. I worked in Sun City Squatter Camp at a school which also functioned as a soup kitchen for the community. I traveled more of the area and then back to Johannesburg before returning to the United States.

My experiences abroad changed my life in many ways and strengthened my faith in humankind despite the political and social atrocities I encountered. I remember working in South Africa at an all black pre-primary school. The children were amazing. Ranging in age from 3-5, they had more faith, hope and confidence than I had ever imagined possible. Despite their third world living conditions in an industrialized nation, they were as happy as any children I had ever seen. In contrast, their parents were the opposite. Subdued by the drugs of political oppression, they were tired and without much hope for a better life for themselves or their children.

I recall the pain and helplessness I felt as the concept of interconnectedness became a reality for me. I looked at these beautiful children who were so full of pride and thought to myself, "When will it happen? When will they lose their self worth? When will they begin to believe they were not created equally? Will they really think themselves to be subordinate? When will they realize they have been denied opportunity by law and what will it do to them?" I knew at that moment my decision to study law was and is essential. I am determined to spend my life helping to create the most equal and just global society obtainable.

Thank you for your time.

Cordially,

Fern L. Holland

Vi Holland-Christianson

August 5, 2017

Fern

Vi Holland

August 5, 2017

April 29, 2017

Fern.... I'm not used to the heat at my new duty station.... It was so hot today that it felt like Iraq...I think of you often, but the heat today made me think of you again. I realize I will always be sad about what happened to you. I wanted you to know that such a simple thing as a rise in daily temperature can cause me to think of you. We were friends in a war zone and I made it home. But you are still with me.I'm pretty sure you will always be with me.

Cisco Dunbar

April 8, 2017

Fern. I understand you want me to keep this short, so I will simply say I got your message and I will do my best. I know you want me to have a happy life and I am doing my best to be happy. Thank you. I appreciate. Your sweetness.

John

March 9, 2017

Another anniversary of your death and all the good that you brought. You were a light to all who knew you and will always be missed.

John

March 9, 2017

It's been a busy year. I continue to work to increase diversity in science and academia and ironically I'm on a panel this week that helps further that goal. Alternate lenses allow for interesting interpretations. Additionally I'll be going back to GC again this year, aiding with victims of genocide and testing new methodologies to help with identification and reconstruction of events. We all do what we can- even if it's just to pass along a smile.

Missed.

John

March 6, 2017

Fern.....This will be a busy week of work for me so rather than being late in talking with you I wanted to tell you that as is customary and usual in my life, I think of you yes usually daily sometimes many times during the day. When I have a tough honest and even ethical decision to make I come to you. I think of you. I try to decide what you might counsel. That's about it. You and I both know there is more to be said but I want to hold as much of you as I can in my heart.

Jack

December 6, 2016

Fern...it was this night 13 years ago that we first met. It is a testament to you, all of you , to every little thing about you , that I keep recalling you and once again every thing about that occasion. I'll stop here because I want my thoughts about you to remain very private. You only need to know that it was my pleasure and always will be a matter of pride on my part to have helped you as I did.

October 25, 2016

I can't explain this but for whatever reason I thought of you again today...That's not really unusual because I think of you a lot regardless usually every day. But with a hint of cold weather coming and darkness overtaking the light... well that's how we met..It was early evening at the beginning of winter in Iraq when we first met. But it was as if night had suddenly changed to day when I first looked at you. Your hair glistened blonde beneath your black headscarf and I could see just enough of your hair to know that my life would change... little did I know that it would change forever. And that's all that I want to say.. I could scream about the hurt and the unfairness but none of that would bring you back. I'm the only one with the power to bring you back and you are back here with me every day oddly more frequently than ever. And that's the mystery. I just haven't been able to forget you from the first time we met.

Jeffrey Green

August 6, 2016

Happy 46th Birthday, milady! As you hold your mother's hand and Jesus's hand, your mother will feed you your cake with her other hand! :) You know you made way too big an impact here in your short life for you to be forgotten, right? Only one other individual I can think of did more in 33 years than you did--someone who also had a mother named Mary, a father named Joseph, and a brother named James; who also died a martyr's death for a grand cause; and whose life has changed others' lives for the better. And you're holding His hand right now! We thank Him for opening the doors to His Father's kingdom for us, and we thank Him for you, milady, a champion for the cause of good! We shall see you when He calls us home! Keep on shining as you enjoy your birthday cake, made from 100% real manna! ;)

jack dunbar

August 2, 2016

Fern....It has been 12 years now. That is a long time. Your birthday will be soon. I keep remembering. It is hard to imagine that you would be 46. I need to stop and imagine you at that age. 46 is just about all grown up. I regret that I didn't tell you to go home. I regret that I wasn't prescient enough to sense that you were in danger. As I get older I can only imagine how you might have blossomed as a woman as an attorney as a leader and possibly as a lifelong friend. I am saddened but soon on your birthday each year I do stop to think of you and of course I do wish you were here.

5879866248

Willie Livingstone

March 10, 2016

Gone but not forgotten. Your memories live forever.

Kent T

March 9, 2016

You have been present in this day since the start. I met 2 Afghani's and a member of USAID today. What I have learned from you I mentioned to them. It was as if you were sitting right next to me. I understand now that you haven't left us only your body has been removed. For me you are present and I see that as the way it will always be for me. You are not gone. You are not forgotten. I still see you. In my life and in my imagination you are still here with us all. I am sad but I'm alright. The lesson(s) of your life remain within me. Good night.

John

March 9, 2016

Another anniversary of your tragic death has arrived. Your gifts and abilities are always missed. Few possess the type of compassion and empathy that you had for the less fortunate. Your dedication to worthy causes should be emulated more. There is less joy in the world in your absence. There is a noticeable void in your loss that can never be replaced.

March 9, 2016

I went to GC this year to work with victims of genocide, sad but important work. We each carry on in our own way, and I hope that we are able to help both the living and the dead. How could it have been another year so soon.

Missed.

Bill J

March 7, 2016

Today is March 8 in Iraq, the last full day of your life. I think of you most every day. I recently moved to Washington DC. I remain uncertain as to God's will for me. But of course I do know that you lived here, maybe I'll also find more of your spirit here. I hope so.

A Friend

November 19, 2015

I recently visited the Montgomery,AL Greyhound Bus Station where approx 53 years ago much history was made. The Bus Station is now a museum. I hope someday there is a museum in Iraq that attests to your courageous work that may someday result in a woman leading Iraq. I hope to live to see that day . I think of you and I know that day will come. There will eventually be a season of peace in SW Asia. The tide will turn as it has here in our own country over the last 53 years. My Beatitude for you, your life and mission and for the people in Iraq is "Blessed are they that live in peace for they will be gifted with mercy and justice. I miss you more not less each day.

Mike

September 1, 2015

More than 11 years now. I still think about you often. Still miss you.

August 7, 2015

Maria Popova wrote "And yet I find, over and over, that the fullest people the people most whole and most alive are those unafraid and unashamed of the soul." That above is the reason why I miss you. You were all soul and all spirit and joyful to be around.

August 6, 2015

45th birthday

James brought the birthday cake - We drank wine and reminisced.

You will remain in our hearts, always.

Mary Ann, James, Vi, Courtney, Logan, Stephen, Zachary

Miss you, still.

John C.

August 5, 2015

Not sure what your age on this birthday would have been today, but I remember and honor what today would have been had you been here. Your absence is profound and the loss noticeable because of the compassion, intelligence and beauty you brought to the day. Your memories are always blessed.

March 11, 2015

For the first time, I almost forgot. Life has gotten even more challenging, but, I won't complain. There's so much to be done. Wish you were still experiencing it. I think its safe to say that you are still helping. 11.

March 11, 2015

It's not enough that they took your life....But they took you away from all of us..You were someone special to each of us..The attack on you goes far beyond the loss of your life...It is the loss of you in our world...The whole equation shifts..I think of you often..

Willie Livingstone

March 11, 2015

Every March, I have that feeling of something missing. This morning my phone buzzes and reminds me though that the missing link, Fern Holland, a households name must be resounded. I remember you today. God bless.

John C.

March 9, 2015

Yet again another anniversary of this tragic and unforgettable day has arrived. It is incomprehensible that someone who loved people like you would be killed for your devotion to human rights and dignity. Your kindness, intelligence and beauty are noticeably absent and irreplaceable.

March 7, 2015

Once more I am here with you just two days away from that day 11 years ago . I do not expect that my sadness over what happened to you will ever leave. I only wish I could have been of more assistance to you and that a stronger friendship could have grown between us. 143.

December 5, 2014

Once again my birthday is 2 days away, and once again I always also think of you. I remember that unforgettable first meeting with you. I wasn't sure what I was seeing as you walked down that long dark corridor dressed in a black abaya with the scant overhead lights beaming off your golden hair. That is my most striking memory of you and my first impression was that I was looking at an angel. And I was. RIP.

Jeffrey Green

August 6, 2014

Sorry I'm a day late, but Happy Birthday, milady! The fight for equal rights for Iraqi women and women like them in many other parts of the world rages on, but they will never forget the beautiful and petite but headstrong blonde Amercian girl who set aside a high-paying law job to fly halfway around the world to pioneer that fight! You will never, EVER be forgotten, milady! Your mission is completed; we shall join you when we complete ours! Until then, rest soundly in the arms of Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior!

August 5, 2014

John C.

August 5, 2014

Just remembering what would have been your birthday. The sacrifices you made to help make the world a better place deserve your continued recognition and admiration. Your intelligence, compassion and beauty are missed daily.

August 5, 2014

Once again August 5 arrives. This year you would have been 44. I can imagine you still beautiful at 44. I see I am alone here for the moment, just me thinking of you. I am one of approx 7 billion people on this planet but I am here with you my dead friend because I loved you.

Reagan Fern Romano

March 20, 2014

Nine year old Reagan Fern Romano, named after the loss of our dear friend, was awarded the Metro Milwaukee YMCA person of influence award (youth) 10 years almost to the day of the loss of her namesake. We have been inspired by both the Fern's in our life. http://blog.minikani.org/?p=1551

March 20, 2014

I didn't forget. I was traveling. Actually, if I think about it, I was looking forward. Can't be discussed, but, you would have considered the task a worthy effort, ensuring diversity in science and future scientists! And, definitely a global perspective. I walked away feeling positive an hopeful. Another year.
ATM

Willie Livingstone

March 18, 2014

Why do bad things happen to good people and good things happen to bad people? I was one of four pioneer staffs recruited by you in
March of 2002, as a legal assistant.
I stayed and saw your dreams come to fruituition while serving as the first Liberian local program officer
for the legal aid clinic in NZerekore,
which was named in your honor
when your sister Viola and ARC top
brass including Colleen Strigel,David Duklaus and others visited
NZerekore in 2003.Words can not
express how much you mean but
just remembering you here in
Edmonton, Canada. You are a rose
that blossoms in the hearts of many
like me, forever. Rest in peace, Fern.

Ali

March 17, 2014

Good morning Fern , good morning honey , hope our God will please you , I still remember your smile every day the matter which support me to work hardly as promised you before.

Yaya Sidi Sackor

March 10, 2014

Indeed I still remember yesterday, March 09 2004 when I was informed a day later that you have left the face of Planet Earth.

Last month, I travelled to Guinea and saw in both N'zerekore and Kissidougou preferctures, symbols and structures of what you fought for at the time to establish "Free legal Aid for Refugee Women from Liberia, Sierra Leone and Ivory Coast". I even visited the birthplace in 2002,the venue used in N'zerekore to conduct the first meeting with refugee women to better understanding obstacles they are faced with in accessing justice as a result of violence. I also had dinner with my colleagues at the same restaurant we spent hours with you in early 2003 with ARC, interviewing a Guinean Prosecutor to better underastand the criminal and civil procedures in the country when it comes to violence against women.

The six weeks we worked together always seem to be a never ending period for me because I learned so much from you, things that have inspired me to stand up against all forms of violence and discrimination against women.

You will always be remembered, Fern. RIP, the seed you planted has germinated and now producing lots of fruits in Africa and beyond!!!

John C.

March 10, 2014

It hardly seems possible that it has now been ten years since your tragic death. No one has taken your place as a beacon of compassion for your fellow man. You are greatly missed on a daily basis. How sad that your beauty and intellect are no longer available.

March 9, 2014

A decade ago today, an incredibly bright star, nearly as bright as that which hailed our Savior's birth, was suddenly dimmed. The impact was so great that many people felt it...people like me, who had only heard of you, and still other people who had never heard of you until after that day. Even I, who have the emotional doldrums of a golem or a Vulcan, wept for two months after your tragic passing! But you were then promoted from earthly angel to heavenly saint, and the lioness' spirit continues to burn on within you, my dear lady! Your star has regained its brightness, and you continue to lead the oppressed to freedom! Your bravery and selflessness continue to awe and inspire, even as it awed and inspired me ten years ago today! Long live the lady lioness!!!

March 9, 2014

I didn't forget...it was yesterday 10 years ago

March 5, 2014

Once again I am sleeping and dreaming and there you are. Just moments ago my dream was about the "butterfly effect" of your life. What happens to the world when someone lives their life with fearlessness, not forcing their own opinions on others, rather assisting and helping? There is a freedom of choice there that is so uncommon.

Picture with me this magnificent multiple colored butterfly. You are flapping your wings to little effect somewhere in this world. But I am imagining you still out there. I am imagining you still and I still see all your colors. I still see you hovering and moving in your world. I still feel the pulse and beating of your wings. Thinking of you still has the same effect on me. I've never met anyone more beautiful, more fearless nor less self absorbed than you. That was the "butterfly effect" that you had for one very brief and fully engaging moment in my life.

February 26, 2014

February is a short month with 28 days, then begins March. Eight days into March and then suddenly if I didn't prepare myself in advance, March 8th could fly right by. But I don't want it to fly by. There is a reason for me to think about March 8 and it is you. It will always be you. Every March 8 and for a time every day before March 8 it will be you..

Jim

January 11, 2014

I didn't caution you then and for that lapse in my judgment I now truly regret. I think we all understood and had calculated our approximate personal danger. My mistake was thinking that you were more angelic than human.

Mary Ann Dunn

December 18, 2013

Well Fern, one of your darling nephews is getting ready to get his drivers licenses. And as I recall the first time he drove was about this time of year in 2003. I knew nothing of this until the deed was done. Thank you so much, dear baby sister. When he got home and told me you had let him sit in your lap and drive in OKC – yes I freaked. And I am freaking now with the thought of him driving by himself without being under my control. Are you having a good laugh up there I hope? I love and miss you every day.

September 18, 2013

Fern = Spirit

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