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Salvatore Culosi Obituary
Of Fairfax, VA on Tuesday, January 24, 2006 at Fairfax Hospital. Beloved son of Salvatore and Anita Culosi; grandson of Mr. & Mrs. Frank Culosi; brother of Constance M. Gulley (Steven), Cynthia A. Sauer (John) and Christopher J. Culosi; uncle of Victoria, Stephanie and Jennifer Gulley, Christopher, Michael, Alexandra and Matthew Sauer. Friends may call at the MONEY AND KING FUNERAL HOME, 171 W. Maple Ave., Vienna, VA on Friday, Saturday and Sunday, January 27 - 29 from 1 to 4 and 6 to 9 p.m. Mass of Christian Burial will be offered on Monday, January 30, 11 a.m. at St. Michael's Catholic Church, 7401 St. Michael's Ln., Annandale, VA. Entombment, Fairfax Memorial Park Mausoleum. In lieu of flowers, contributions may be made to the Old Dominion Eye Foundation, 9200 Arboretum Pkwy., Suite 104, Richmond, VA 23236.
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Mom
July 24, 2025
Dear Son. On this 19 Years and 6 Months Remembrance Day of your loss to our family, it was a car problem that prevented me from being able to visit you at your resting place today as I have done on every 24th of the month since 2006, when your life was stolen from you and our family by those who put you at unnecessary risk and in harm's way. with no margin for error in their reprehensible excessive use of force plan, Their policies, practices and protocols were not best police practices. God may forgive them for what they caused to happen to you. but I can't. May God bless you as you keep watch over your sisters, their families, your brother and Dad. I love you Salvatore, and you are in my thoughts each and every day, and in my prayers always. as I miss you so very much.
Mom
June 24, 2025
Dear Sal, It´s another of our Tuesday´s, that is now marking this "19 Years and Five Months Remembrance Day...of what they caused us to grieve, ever since that night so many years ago. Its been a slow start for me today for a number of reasons, so I haven´t gone out yet to pick up the flowers that I will bring with me to your resting place when I visit you a little later. I pray that you are happy and resting peacefully in His light, and I thank you for watching over your sisters, their families, your brother and Dad. God bless you son, and know that you are loved, prayed for, and missed so very much by all of us. You are in my thoughts and prayers always..
Mom
June 16, 2025
Dear Sal...Yesterday my cousin celebrated his 50th jubilee as a Franciscan priest. S did the driving up to PA so that we could attend. It was great to be a part of it and to visit with him and his family who are our very dear cousins. The church of Our Lady of Mt Carmel was beautiful. It had such a holy and peaceful atmosphere, that you could really feel the presence of God. I prayed and lit candles for you; my brother, my sister, my parents and all of our relatives who are now with God. I pray that you are resting peacefully in God's promise and that you have a very blessed "God"/"Father's Day." God bless you Sal...as you keep watch over your sisters, their families, your brother and Dad. I love you and miss you so very much.
Mom
May 24, 2025
Dear Son...Today, Saturday May 24th marks the 19th Year and Four Months Remembrance Day of your devastating loss to our family. I did visit your resting place and left flowers there and at the St. Joseph statue...in your memory. I pray that you are resting peacefully and that one day we all will be together again. God bless you Sal, as you keep watching over your sisters, their families, your brother and Dad. You are loved, very missed and always in my thoughts and prayers.
Mom
April 24, 2025
Dear Salvatore...Today is Thursday, April 24th that is marking this Nineteenth Year and 3 Months Remembrance Day...of your devastating loss to our family...and even though it´s been a long time since that Tuesday night in Jan. 2006, when your life was stolen from you...the heartbreaking reality of what happened to you then, is also what our family has been made to live with each and every day since then, as we miss you so very much. God bless you son, as I pray that you are resting peacefully in Our Lord´s promise of perpetual light. Thank you Sal, for continuing to watch over our family. I carry you close in my heart and in my thoughts each and every day. You are in my prayers always.
Mom
March 25, 2025
Dear Son...this is one of those times when I have not been able to visit your resting place, nor post my thoughts on this page on the exact remembrance date of your heartbreaking loss to our family...which I always mark in monthly time increments, Yesterday was March 24, 2025 marking the 19th Year and 2 Months remembrance date of your loss to us. Because Dad had to have a tooth extracted a few days ago and due to one of his meds, he had a difficult time with healing . So I was waiting to find out if I would have to go to an additional oral surgeon for him, so all else had to be put on hold until now, and that included my posting and visit to you yesterday. I will be back to my usual "new norm" and visit you today; a day later than planned, but still our special Tuesday. Sal you are always in my thoughts and in my heart as I pray that you are happy and resting peacefully in Our Lord's promise. God bless you as you keep watching over our family. You are so very loved and missed. I pray that you are happy and resting in peace in Our Lord's promise. You are in my prayers always.
Mom
February 24, 2025
Dear Sal...Today marks the Nineteenth Year and One Month Remembrance Day...of what was told to me on that heartbreaking night; as I opened our front door...and it all remains seared in my psyche as I miss you each and every day since then. As I carry you close within my heart, and in my daily thoughts. I pray that you are resting peacefully in God´s perpetual light. You are loved and very missed by all of us. God bless you son, as you as you keep watching over our family. You are in my prayers always.
Mom
January 24, 2025
Dear Son...Today, Jan 24, 2025 marks the 19th Year Remembrance Day of your being stolen from your life and ours. I say stolen, because you were in the prime of your life, and your potential and right to happiness and a future, and all that could and should have been a part of your life...was tragically and unjustly taken from you; by them. Their policies and protocols, which in my opinion, contributed to their over excessive show of force that put you at unnecessary risk and in harm´s way with no margins for error...all contributed to their reprehensible plan...and our family´s devastating loss of our wonderful son, loving brother, and for your nieces and nephews, their dear uncle.
Our family too was robbed...of your presence in our lives over these many years. Although your nieces and nephews all knew you first-hand, their little ones will know of you through their parents memories of you. Your eldest niece did give her little girl a middle name starting with the letter S in your memory. Sal you are loved, very missed, and you are in my thoughts and in my prayers always, as I carry you close in my heart, and in my treasured memories of you. This weekend your role model sister is expecting the arrival of her fourth grandchild. May God bless you Sal, as you keep watch over your sisters, their families, your brother and Dad, but most especially your niece J and the arrival of her new baby boy.
Mom
January 1, 2025
Dear Son...I started to leave a reflection on this site last night, as I wanted to wish you a blessed New Year´s Eve, but Dad was getting impatient and wanted to start out for Con´s, since we were spending the Eve with her and two of your nieces. So before I was able to hit the submit window, I decided to let it go until I´d get back home. But we got back quite late in the am, so I am back at it again today, which is actually New Year´s Day...so I hope it is a happy and blessed one for you. I want you to know that you were my first thought when the new year was finally counted down. After wishing everyone there, a Happy New Year, I called Cyn to wish her the same, and then we got a call from Aunt Jo, and PB too, wishing all of us a Happy New Year. While we waited for the countdown, your brother in-law decided to put on home movies of the 2004 Christmas holiday. Your nieces were little girls then, and so excited as they opened their presents. It was a nice trip down memory lane. Chris wanted to stay home, so he missed getting to see a much younger and thinner version of himself from way back then. Con pointed out that Dad and I were the same age then, as she and Steve are now. All I can say is...it´s a precious gift and shouldn´t be wasted. I´m happy to say that your sister and her family are aware of that...and have made the most of it...and are continuing to spend it wisely. There was also footage of you, relaxing happily...as you playfully interacted with your nieces. Tanya was there too. Jen who was only three then, decided to hang on you, and had her arms wrapped around you, like you were a tree, and she an ornament. It was so cute to see the way she was content to hold up her own body weight, wanting no help from you...and proud being able to just hang on. Seeing you and hearing your voice, as you were enjoying family time with all of us...was a priceless gift to me. How I wish time would have stood still. I love you Sal, and I pray that you are happy. Sadly, as this new year begins, it´s already on the wrong path for some more families. Las Vegas, and New Orleans are in the news as evil people have struck again. Our world is not the same as it once was. There are too many sick minds out there that are bent on inflicting pain, grief and evil on others. It makes no sense that good and caring human beings are the ones who are losing their loved ones, to the evils of this world. I hope and pray that sooner than later, the good will start to outweigh all the wrongs that we are seeing. I miss you Sal, and I ask God to bless you for being a loving son, brother, and uncle. You are in my thoughts and prayers always.
Mom
December 26, 2024
Dear Salvatore...I Didn´t get to wish you a Merry and Blessed Christmas yesterday, so better a day late than not. I was running on slow all morning trying to gather all the things I didn´t want to forget to bring with me to your sister´s house. I couldn´t find decent artichokes so that was a bummer, I knew would disappoint your nieces.. Then I forget to add the ground nuts to the butter ball cookies that S likes, and I even ran out of time for making the strufoli. I don´t know how or why, but...I managed to be ill prepared time-wise, and it ran out. Fortunately the rest of the day went well, and we all had a good time in each other´s company. Cyn came with Chris, so that was nice too. Once more your sister and brother-in-law were their gracious selves in bringing our family together for a very good time, and delicious dinner. C really thinks of everything and I know she exhausts herself. The little ones were excited to open presents and it was a joy to watch it all happen. Even Viv who is only 9 months old, was smiling, and looked excited as she watched her brother and cousin Kav open up the wrapped presents. I´m hoping I will be able to get a do over for the New Year, and find and make the things I missed making, for this holiday. So far it´s a slow start for this morning as we got home late last night. My kitchen is a disaster, thanks to my trying to rush craze, so it´s cleanup I´ll be attempting today. Con and Steve are a great team, and he is a hands on and helpful husband, so she is not left with the solo task of "clearing up" and the "putting back" chores on the day after. Dad was never that guy. Now, It´s a more considerate generation of husbands than it used to be back in the day. As it´s said, "timing is everything." My era missed that perk. I love you Sal, and you know all that is in my heart, so thank you...and God bless you for keeping watch over our family. I carry you close in my thoughts...in my heart, and in my prayers always.
Mom
December 24, 2024
Dear Sal...Today is Tuesday, the 24th of Dec., and it is Christmas Eve that is also marking this´s "18 Years and 11 Months Remembrance Day" of what should have never happened to you...and one more holiday...without your presence, and...has me missing you so very much, which is what I do...each and every day. We are hoping to get to the 5 pm mass later, provided I can through with what I´d like to make for tonight. Of course, it will include the shrimp cakes that I know you always enjoyed. For a long time I couldn´t bring myself to making them, and the jury is out on how hard it will be for me to get them done...as the senses cause so many heartbreaking memories of all the things that are no longer the same as they once were. I pray that you are in the company of family who are also loved and missed, and that you all will have a blessed day. Tomorrow we will be at your sister´s home, and hopefully being with your nieces and their little ones...will be a bit of a distraction, to help me to remember to count the blessings too...that we as a family can still be thankful for, despite the heartbreaking losses we now know. God bless you son, as you keep watch over your siblings, their families, your brother and Dad. You are always in my thoughts and prayers.
Mom
December 17, 2024
Dear Son...Today is Tuesday, December 17, 2024, and it´s your birthday. It is also another of our Tuesday´s, which is also the day of the week on which you were born, back in 1968. So today is marking your 56th birthday. The last one we spent together was your 37th in 2005...before our lives were forever changed because of them and their reprehensible plan and unforgivable actions, that stole you from your life and ours. I was thinking back...and remembering Nan coming to VA when you were born, to help me with you and your two little sisters. She was going to stay for as long as I needed her to, but with Christmas only eight days away, I didn´t want to spend Christmas in VA. Fortunately you were a healthy, 10 lb, 23 inch newborn, so at my insistence, although my Mom didn´t want me to travel having just given birth, I packed everything I would need for you and your sisters, and with my less than one week old you, and your two little sisters, who were 2 ½ and 3 ½ yrs old then, off we went. We stayed in NY til after the New Year, and even had you baptized in our parish church where Dad and I were married. I couldn´t imagine not being home for the holidays and VA just wasn´t home to me. Dad hadn´t been stationed in VA all that long...so I didn´t feel any ties to being here. Many times I wish I had never lived in VA. as I missed my NY family, and friends; and with three little ones, I needed the support of my family and familiar surroundings, and they weren´t in VA. With what happened to you and our family here, is all the more reason for wishing I had never moved here. Over time, and despite making some dear friends here, it has all paled by what they caused to happen to you and our family in 2006. I just want you to know that I love you, and I miss you so very much. You are in my thoughts each and every day as I pray that you are happy and at peace until we are together again. God bless you Sal and Thank you for watching over your sisters, their families, your brother and Dad. Your nieces and nephews now have families of their own, and their children are a true blessing and joy. Wish you too, could have known and shared in these blessings; but, because of them, and their unforgivable actions...that stole you from your life and ours...well, that is their shame to share in. I pray that on this special day, you are in the company of our family, and your friends, who have also been called back home to God. I pray too, that you are having a blessed and happy birthday. I love you Sal, and I miss you beyond words. You are in my thoughts and in my prayers always.
Mom
November 24, 2024
My dear Salvatore...on this 18th Year and 10 Months Remembrance Day, I was only able to visit the St. Joseph statue and leave flowers there in your memory. I should have made my visit to you earlier in the day, but anymore my best intentions get away from me. We had been at your sister´s and once your nieces and their families arrived, I didn´t want to leave too soon after they got there. Before I realized it, it was 5:30 and already dark. So I will make a visit to you at FMP tomorrow. You would have loved getting to know your little grandnephew and nieces. They are all adorable. and so very smart. You know too, how I feel about this season...which once was looked forward to by us, but now, and ever since what they caused to happen to you, is bittersweet to say the least. I think of all the phone calls you would make, asking what you could get for your nieces and nephews in this holiday season. and then wanting to know too, what would be going on re family and holiday plans. Now your nieces and nephews are parents and have little ones of their own. Our forever changed lives are not what I ever would have imagined. Your being stolen from your life is what I find most unforgivable. All of these years taken from you. All of the last time this and the last time that, are remembered by me, especially in this fall season...that you always looked forward to, and that I find so hard to get through. I love you son, and I miss you beyond words. I carry you close in my heart, and in my thoughts each and every day. God bless you as I pray you are at peace in His perpetual light and Promise of Eternal life. Please keep watching over your sisters, their families, your brother and Dad. You know what my concerns are for each of them. You are always in my thoughts and in my prayers.
Mom
October 25, 2024
Dear Salvatore...Today marks the Eighteenth Year and Nine Months Remembrance Day of your loss to our family. I am still counting the Tuesdays, and the 24th of every month. I expect I will continue to, until...You are in my thoughts each and every day...and that is how I get through them. It doesn´t get any easier, as I miss you so very much. God bless you son, as you keep watching over your sisters, their families, your brother and Dad. You are in my prayers always.
Mom
September 24, 2024
Dear Sal...Today is another of our special Tuesday´s, in this season of the year that you most looked forward to...and that now marks the "Eighteenth Year and Eight Months Remembrance Day" of your loss to our family. It´s also the season that I dread, ever since it became the one that preceded all that led to that heartbreaking Jan night that changed our family forever.
As I recognize that time is not a healer and just how much I am still grieving your heartbreaking and reprehensible loss...because of them...and I always will...and, until....it takes different forms to take me back to that knock on the door. If a song that you once sang, plays on the car radio...or an aroma of a food you enjoyed, comes wafting through the air in a grocery store...while I am shopping...or a family occasion that you are missing from...they all serve to get me to relive the 3 am knock on our door in 2006. So even though I´m not a FB devotee, today I went on the site to see if there were any cute reels to distract me from my somber thoughts and I happened to come across a young cousin´s page. She must have decided she needed to understand grief and had posted on her FB page an author´s thoughts on the subject. Since I am still grieving your loss and always will until...I started to read some of the writings that she had posted on this all too familiar topic.
Below are the insightful and well-expressed thoughts that ring true to me as I live them. "The reality of grief is far different from what others see from the outside. There is pain in this world that you can't be cheered out of. You don't need solutions. You don't need to move on from your grief. You need someone to see your grief, to acknowledge it. You need someone to hold your hands while you stand there in blinking horror, staring at the hole that was your life. Some things cannot be fixed. There are losses that rearrange the world and they can only be carried."
Loss changes the way you see everything, and the Grief tears everything down. There is Pain that transports you to an entirely different universe, even while everyone else thinks nothing has really changed
There are the kind of losses that rearrange the world and are out of the norm. The personal loss and most unbearable one is to bury your child.
Grief is visceral, not reasonable: the howling at the center of grief is raw and real. It is love in its most wild form."
"When someone you love passes on, you don't just lose them in the present or in the past. You lose the future you should have had, and might have had, with them. They are missing from all the life that was to be. My mom knew this grief when she lost my brother, also too young and too soon. And now I know what she suffered for all those years too. Maybe finding the words to express what is felt may be a type of healing...I don't know, but I had to include them in this reflection. I hope you know how very much you are loved and missed. May God bless you son as you rest peacefully in his light. Keep watch over our growing family,
You are in my thoughts each and every day and you are in my prayers always.
Mom
August 24, 2024
Dear Son...I brought the usual floral arrangement to leave at your resting place today, to mark this 18th Year and 7 Months Remembrance Day of your heartbreaking loss to our family. I have continued to do this on the 24 of every month since you were taken from our family in such a reprehensible and senseless way so many years ago. I miss you each and every day and you are always in my thoughts. You are loved, very missed and in my prayers always. God bless you Sal for being a loving son, brother and uncle. I pray that you are happy and resting peacefully in God´s perpetual light and in His promise of eternal life. You know what is in my heart...and I thank you for watching over your sisters, their families, your brother, Dad, and your grand nephews and nieces, who are such adorable additions to our family.
Mom
July 24, 2024
Dear Salvatore...Today marks this Eighteenth Year and Six Months Remembrance Day of your loss to our family...and I pray you know, that since you were taken from your life and ours, I have carried you close in my heart...and in my thoughts...each and every day; as I miss you so very much. I hope you are in the company of our family, happy and at peace in God´s perpetual light. God bless you son, as you keep watch over your sisters, their families, your brother and Dad. You are in my prayers always.
Mom
June 24, 2024
Dear Son...Today, is another 24th of the month, so I will add it to what now marks this Eighteenth Year and Five Months Remembrance Day of your tragic loss to our family. I can only hope you know how very much you are loved, thought about and so very missed. When I visited your resting place today, I left my usual floral arrangement in your memory. While I pray that you are happy and resting peacefully in His light...I also ask that you continue to watch over your sisters, their families, Dad, and your brother. I also stopped at the St. Joseph statue and left a flower there as I prayed for you, Rich and Vinny. Tomorrow I will go to church to light some candles for you and your boyhood friends, as well as for all those in our family who have also been called back home by God. I want you to know that your new little grand nephews and nieces are absolutely adorable, and I wish you could have been here with us to know and enjoy them. Keep close watch over them as they are going to grow up in a world so very different than the one you knew. Sal, you are in my daily thoughts and always in my prayers. God bless you for being a loving son, brother and uncle.
Mom
May 25, 2024
Dear Son...As I mark this 18th Year and 4 Months Remembrance Day of your loss to our family...I also want to acknowledge your becoming a Grand Uncle for the fifth time...as both your sisters are now grandmothers. Your role model as you dubbed her, has three grandchildren; one boy and two girls. Your other sister has two new infant grandsons. So right now the boys are in the lead... three to two. How I wish you could have been here with us to see them. Who knows...given time you may have married and now would have had children of your own too. So many of life´s milestones, were stolen from you and us, and it was all because of their, in my opinion, cavalier and reprehensible actions. I still find myself wondering if those involved in such an unnecessary and excessive show of force plan...that put you in harm´s way, have any remorse for what they caused to happen to you. Every so often it is something that just crosses my mind. Sal, You are in my thoughts and in my prayers each and every day. God bless you as you keep watching over our family, especially your nieces, your brother and Dad. You are loved and very missed by me.
Mom
April 24, 2024
Dear Salvatore...I ordered the flowers yesterday that I will take to your resting place and the St. Joseph statue today, to mark this 18 Years and Three Months Remembrance Day of your loss to our family. I wish you could have been here to be a part of our growing family. There were initially five of us. Your brother made us six. As your sisters married and started their families, we grew to fifteen. Now with your nieces and nephews becoming adults, marrying and having families too...we number twenty five. So many of life´s milestone events have taken place over these many years...and you would, could and should have been here with us to be a part of all of them...if only they had not caused such an appalling, unjustifiable and egregious act ...that stole you from your life and ours. Our entire family has been forever changed, and this new normal we all live with, is anything but. As I´ve said before, time is not a healer in the kind of loss that our family was made to suffer because of them. It was a reprehensible action on their part and it should have never happened. Someday I hope to have the answer to my 'why did it, and what purpose did it serve?" You will be in my thoughts as we all will be attending another celebratory occasion in 10 days, when another of your nieces gets married. It will be another occasion that you should have been here for. Your sister had a BBQ on Sunday to celebrate with family, J´s last time before her surname will change. It was nice to spend time with them and both your married nieces and their families. Xan is talking in long sentences and Kav is adding more words to her ever growing list of them. They both are for Dad and me...and now with the addition of Viv too, the blessings and joys that we as great grandparents are fortunate to know. I pray Sal, that somehow you know what is taking place, and that you are happy, and at peace in God´s perpetual light. We all miss you and pray for you always. God Bless you Son as you continue to watch over everyone in our family as it continues to grow. I love you, and I miss you beyond words.
Mom
March 31, 2024
Dear Sal...It is Sunday, Easter morning, as I pray that you have a blessed day. We will be joining your "idol" sister´s family for dinner. She just became a Nonna again to her third grandchild. That also makes you a grand uncle again, and for Michael´s son too, as Cyn also is a Nan to one grandchild, with another on the way, when her daughter Allie has her baby, who is due on Mother´s Day. Your oldest niece just had her second baby who was due on April 12, but baby girl chose to arrive a bit early. She was born on Wed. March 27 and weighed 7 lbs. 12 oz. Her parents couldn´t decide on a name but finally agreed on Vivienne Sienna. V wanted to name her for herself because she really likes her own name, but hubby thought two exact V´ names would be confusing. She did get a V name though, and the S that starts her middle name was in memory of your name starting with an S. She had wanted to use the S letter of your name the last time for giving her son a middle name that started with an S in memory of her "Uncle Sal." She cried when I told her I didn´t think at that time that it was a good idea. I felt badly after saying that to her, but she accepted the reasons for why I felt as I did, and then decided to use another relative´s initial for her son´s middle name. I had felt since she had a son, that doing that might not be wise, and although I´m not truly an old school Italian, I did feel that although both my brother´s name and yours, being I named you after him and in his memory...that perhaps because of how you both were taken from us much too soon, and much too young, that it might be time to give that name and the letter it starts with, a pause. I thought about all the Sal´s I knew and although I still think it is a beautiful name, none of the Salvatore´s I knew had the good fortune to enjoy their lives. Your niece told me what she wanted to do with her little girl´s middle name and that is why she now has the middle name "Sienna", in your honor. She is a pretty little girl and I hope you will watch over her just as you are watching over all of your nieces and nephews. Dad will be starting his new treatment tomorrow, so we hope he will tolerate it well as you watch over him too, as well as your sisters and your brother.
God bless you Son. You are very loved...always in my thoughts, and I miss you beyond words. You are in my prayers always. Happy Easter son, or as Nan and Gramps would say...Buona Pasqua!" I will visit your resting place in a little while.
Mom
March 24, 2024
Dear Sal...I´m sorry that I neglected to leave a February Remembrance Day post...although I did visit your resting place that day...and afterwards I went to church to light candles for you...my brother, my sister, Nan and Gramps, all of our relatives and in-laws on both sides of our family, some friends, both yours and mine...and Michael Gordon whose father has become a supportive friend...via email as we both have loved ones on the ODMP site. There weren´t many candles lit when I went into the church, but the light and thermal energy was definitely increased by the time I left, and that was due to the several rows of votive candles I lit for all those that I mentioned by name and in prayer, who are loved, missed and not forgotten. On another note, Dad wants to go to 10:30 mass today, even though that time will interfere with his medicine schedule. I know he wants to make a fresh braided palm cross to leave at your resting place...so of course I´ll get him there. Last week we went to a baby shower for Cyn´s daughter Allie who is expecting a baby boy in May, on Mother´s Day. We also got to see Cyn´s new adorable grandson. Michael and Marygrace are his parents. Vic is also due to have a baby girl in May, right around the time that Jen will be getting married. We are hoping she will have the baby on time so that she can attend the wedding. Our family is continuing to grow and I wish you could be here with us to enjoy the little ones as much as we all do. I hope you are happy son, and resting peacefully in God´s light and in His promise You are loved Sal, very missed, and you are in my prayers always. Keep watching over your sisters, their families, Dad, Chris and all the new little additions. God bless you for being a loving son, brother, grandson and Uncle.
Mom
January 24, 2024
Dear Sal...Today it´s a Wednesday that marks this 18th Year Remembrance Day...of your loss to our family; and there has not been one day in these last 6574 days leading to this day...that didn´t have me thinking about you throughout each of those days...while wishing that you were here with us, and missing you more than mere words can express. The latter is a sentiment that any parent who has outlived his child, can also attest to. You had a right to the lifetime of years ahead of you... but they were stolen from you by the ineptness of those who were sworn to serve and protect...and that, added to the FFX County PD's poor policies, protocols, practices and lack of proper training for their officers, along with their over excessive use of force plan, that put you at risk, and in harm´s way, with no margin for error...is what caused you to be stolen from your life and ours too. Of course this is my opinion, but I know there are others who would totally agree with me. I just hope and pray that you are happy, and in the company of our family and your boyhood friends, who were also called back home by God, much too soon and much too young. God bless you son, as you watch over your sisters, their families, your brother and Dad. I pray you are resting peacefully...in God's promise of perpetual light and eternal life. You are remembered Sal, by others too...on this day...as I heard from David, and Mrs. C, who both wanted me to know that you were in their thoughts esp. today...and that you are not forgotten by them. I love you Sal, I miss you, and I pray for you always.
Bob and Carol Gordon
January 21, 2024
You and all of your family members are in our thoughts on the anniversary of your passing. Continue to keep watch over all of them especially your Mom.
Mom
January 2, 2024
Dear Sal...As this is the first day of the New Year, I hope it will be a blessed one for you...as I pray too, that it will be the beginning of a more peaceful time for our entire world. We spent the eve with your sister and her family at your Godchild´s home. I had as pleasant a time as possible, considering this "new normal" I live with. You were my first thought when the Times Square Ball dropped at midnight. I also texted Cyn to wish her a happy new year since she was at home and still not feeling well. The broadcast celebrations of welcoming in the New Year, have become loud, displays of noisy awfulness. Gone are the sentimental days of Guy Lombardo and Auld Lang Syne...which I remember fondly. His orchestra music would lend itself to reflecting on the ending year...while also welcoming in the new one with hopes of it becoming a better year for all. I miss you son, I love you, and I pray for you. God bless you Sal.
You are in my prayers always.
Mom
December 25, 2023
Dear Son...Today is Sunday; and Christmas Eve, that is marking this 17 Years and 11 Months Remembrance Day of your loss to us. Who could have imagined then...that Christmas Eve in 2005 would be the last one we would spend with you. That was 18 Years and 11 Months ago. I think back and I remember you calling to ask what time dinner would be and your wanting to know what I was making. After telling you, there was the real question...and it was..."shrimp cakes too right?" since they were a favorite of yours. The answer was of course. I had never made the full seven fishes dinner, because Dad, and even you children didn´t care for fish. The one exception being lobster tails. I did manage to get all of you to eat shrimp sauce with thin spaghetti, but that was pretty much it for carrying on that tradition. When I was single and living at home, the Eve was very traditional. Nan would make all the different fish dishes since Gramps enjoyed them. She would make filets of sole, cod, and haddock, then scallops...some breaded and some broiled, clams, two different ways, shrimp both in a batter that we called cakes, and cocktail ones too. There would be four kinds of sauces. A white clam sauce with linguini, red shrimp sauce with thin spaghetti, crab sauce, which was my favorite... and a black ink octopus sauce that only Gramps liked. He liked smelts too. My brother, sister and I didn't even like to look at them, let alone try them. My favorite was my mom´s crab sauce. It was delicious. I guess you had to be brought up eating those different types of things, and because I didn´t make them after becoming a mom myself, I counted myself lucky if I could get you and your sisters to eat tuna fish. Back then we´d go to midnight Christmas mass and afterwards, we would come home to sausage and peppers to eat. That was if we were still hungry, while opening gifts. These are my long ago "yesteryears" recollections...and I miss those times...but mostly, I miss you.
Sal, I do hope you are in a better place; and happy. God bless you as you keep watch over our family. I love you, and I pray for you always as I carry you close in my thoughts and in my heart.
Mom
December 17, 2023
Dear Sal...It is a rainy Sunday that is marking what would have been for our family, a celebration of your 55th birthday today. I pray it is a blessed birthday and one that finds you in the company of all of our loved ones and your friends who also have been called back home to God. There have been far too many years of missing you, and all of your past birthdays. Bittersweet for me too, are the many holidays, and family gatherings that you haven´t been here for; as we celebrated some of life's milestones being reached by your nieces and nephews, which I do count among the joys and blessings that they are meant to be; but your absence and the grief I know because of your loss is also a heartbreaking reality for me. Your presence in our family, could and should have been, just as it once was...and then well into everyone´s future too. These last 17 years, 10 months and 23 days were stolen from you and us...all because of them. It saddens me to think of the many more birthdays, life milestones, and happy occasions which were also taken from you. Our family would, could and should have been able to have you here with us all this time...if only they hadn't overreacted, which put your life at risk with no margin for error. I will never forgive them for what they caused to happen to you, nor understand how those involved in such an ill- conceived plan that took your life from you...can even look at themselves in a mirror. Sal you were in the prime of your life, and with the longevity we had on both sides of our families...you still had so many more years ahead of you...to enjoy all the rewards of your hard work and accomplishments. I am so sorry that all these past years and your future ones were stolen from you, in such an unforgivable, inexcusable and deplorable way by those who were sworn to protect life, and then so blatantly failed when it came to protecting yours.
I love you Sal and still cannot forgive myself for failing to keep my promise to you. You deserved justice and so much more.
God bless you my dear and precious son. I pray you have a happy heavenly 55th birthday. Your niece V sent me a text this morning saying...Happy Birthday to Uncle Sal. You are not forgotten.
You are always in my thoughts and in my prayers as you keep watching over your sisters, their families, your brother and Dad. Rest peacefully, my very loved and sorely missed son.
Mom
November 24, 2023
Dear Sal...Today marks the Seventeenth Year and Ten Months Remembrance Day of what should have never happened to you and our family. I am always back to square one when this date arrives each month...so I guess that´s what happens to a broken heart when it´s promise for the justice owed to you, wasn´t able to be kept. I can´t forgive myself. I did leave flowers at your resting place when I visited you earlier today, and then left another arrangement in your memory at the St. Joseph statue too.
Yesterday your sister once again out did herself with all the cooking for, and then hosting of Thanksgiving Day. I have said it many times...she and your brother-in-law work well together and make for a wonderful and well-matched twosome.
Their grandchildren were an additional treat to spend time with while we were there. I know everyone thinks the babies in their family are adorable...but I don´t just "think" that about ours...since they are both so beautiful and smart...we "know" ours are more than adorable.
They are a joy and true blessing.
Well before it gets any later...and I run out of steam...I better stop here and begin reclaiming my kitchen which is in disarray, since I left it in a bit of a mess when leaving the house yesterday. The babies were my focus...and wanting to see them, outweighed my usual clean as I go messes.
Son, I love you, I miss you, and I just hope you know that you are never far from my thoughts... and that you are in my prayers always.
God bless you Son, as you keep watch over our family.
Mom
November 23, 2023
Dear Son...We were supposed to be fourteen for family dinner at your sister´s today, but we just heard from Cyn that she and her son are sick so they won´t be able to join us as planned. Of course all of us are very disappointed...so there goes another not as Happy a Thanksgiving Day as it might have been, and once was...before our family was forever changed...because of them... and what they caused to happen to you and us. In truth, for us these holiday seasons haven´t been what they were meant to be...a time for everyone in a family to come together...like it used to be for our family. I´ll be thinking of you and missing what once was...while being thankful for the two beautiful babies we´ve been blessed with. They are the joys and I wish you could have been here to know them and watch them grow. God bless you Sal as I ask you to keep watching over your sisters, their families, your brother and Dad. I pray you are happy, at peace and somehow able to know how much you mean to all of us. You are very loved...missed beyond words, and you are in my thoughts and prayers always
Mom
October 24, 2023
Dear Son...I awoke this morning to a YouTube video playing on my cell phone. Don´t know how it happened, but there it was, Andrea Bocelli singing the Elvis Presley song..."Can´t Help Falling In Love." Because it was a song that you also sang, and I might add that you sounded much like Elvis did...I listened to it as a sign from you...on this 17th Year and 9 Months Remembrance Day. I even have a cd of you singing it, and the Dance too...and I am and remain very grateful to Bobby D...who at that time, and unbeknownst to the both of us...decided to record you singing both of these songs, and then the one with Chris too. It was one of those times when we had asked you to join us at Peyton Place where Bobby D was the DJ. You actually surprised us by showing up...and you even got up to sing. Since you were a fan of both Elvis and Garth Brooks songs...you chose to sing a song from each one...Elvis´ Can´t Help Falling In Love and Garth´s "The Dance." The applause you received were thunderous. Both you and your brother inherited Dad´s vocal talent...and when Chris coaxed you into singing with him...you two got a standing ovation. He wanted you to sing Billy Joel´s "Tell Her About It" with him, but you kept quietly saying Nooo to him...as it wasn´t your key or style...but he insisted and you finally caved. The two of you were a joy to watch and hear...and when you finished singing together, it brought everyone there to their feet, and they kept telling Dad and me, that we should be bursting with pride at having such vocally gifted sons. Little did they know that even your sisters could sing. That cd is a treasure to me and I cherish it...but in light of all that followed; and even as much as I want to hear your voice...I find it so hard to listen to...as it breaks my heart to hear you singing The Dance lyrics. Sal, this is that season again, that you always looked forward to...and it remains the one that I continue to dread...because it´s that time of year when families gather together to enjoy each other´s company, amid the laughter and fun from being with one another...while making the happy memories to look back on...and those times were stolen from you...and from all those in our family who remember the way it once was for us...before we became...because of them...this now forever changed family. Hopefully, your nieces and your nephews who were just children back then, and who are now adults with children of their own... will begin to make happier, blessed and the most joy filled memories possible...as they experience well into their future...all of life´s most wonderful milestones. God bless you Sal as you keep close watch over your sisters and their families...your brother and especially Dad.
I love you son, and I miss you beyond what mere words can express, as I carry you close...in my heart...and in my prayers...always. You are not forgotten.
Mom
September 24, 2023
Dear Sal...Once again I wasn´t able to get to the florist in time to get the flowers I usually leave at your resting place to mark this monthly date. So I will find another way to mark this "Seventeen Years and Eight Months Remembrance Day" when I visit you. These last few months have left little time budgeted to the routine things I use to find time for. Since August, Dad has been having a rough time of it. He was initially hospitalized the first time for observation...after feeling dizzy, and lightheaded. It was believed to be vertigo which was attributed to an inner ear infection. Tests were done to rule out more serious causes and since none were found he was discharged...but after being home only one day...he spiked a fever which sent him back to the hospital for an additional eleven days and even more tests. He also got Covid and developed pneumonia. Fortunately his symptoms were mild except for a terrible cough and he has responded to all the treatments for it. So to say it's been hectic here, is not an exaggeration. He has been improving slowly and is tolerating all of the meds... but still needs to gain back the strength he´s lost by being ill. We even had to put his CLL treatments on hold because his doctor wants him to get a bit stronger than he is at the moment, so that he will be better prepared to receive and withstand the treatments. He is also having difficulty with memory and it is a very frustrating and stressful time for him. We are hoping that once he is able to get treated again...it may improve his cognitive ability. We also recognize how blessed we are to have so many caring, thoughtful and supportive friends at this time. Their Get Well wishes and cards, saying that he is in their thoughts and prayers, along with the many phone calls asking about him...are very appreciated by all of us.
Your sister and brother have been most helpful as they come with us to every doctor´s appt...qnd there are many. Con has a good understanding of his medical needs and as they say, two heads are better than one.
Cyn has him on just about every prayer list she´s involved with too.
On a brighter note...I got to spend a little time with Xan today. He is beginning to recognize and say some of the alphabet letters when pointing to them. He also knows numbers and the names of many colors. He is a pure joy to be around...and is a very happy and lovable little boy. I don´t get to see Kav as often but she too is learning and exploring all the new things around her. I am counting the blessings where I find them.
Yesterday it touched my heart to read a comment left on this site from one of your childhood classmates. Just for no apparent reason, you came into his mind so he decided to leave a comment. It´s nice to know that you are not only in our family´s thoughts, but that you are also thought about and remembered by other people too. I remember Sean as a nice and pleasant boy; happy, and always with a big broad smile. It´s comforting to know that you are not forgotten.
God bless you Son... as you keep watch over our family...esp Dad. You are loved Salvatore, very missed, and you, along with our family who have also been called back home by God...are prayed for always.
Sean Wheeler
September 20, 2023
Thinking of Sal today. No anniversary, just came to mind. Blessings on the Culosi family.
Mom
August 24, 2023
Dear Son...I didn´t get to pick up the flowers yesterday that I was going to take with me when visiting your resting place today. So this "Seventeen Years and Seven Months Day of Remembrance"...will be marked a day late. We had Dad´s appointment for treatment yesterday, and although he got a good report, as the numbers are going in the right direction, I obviously messed up on the time that I had allocated for my trip to the florist. Better late than never, so I will get there tomorrow and then make my visit to you. Today is also Dad´s 81st Birthday, so I guess we can view the good report as a present for him. He is being seen twice a week and that will go on until December. Hopefully the numbers will continue to respond in a positive way. We will try to celebrate his birthday on Sunday if all goes well.
Today I went with Con to look at Mother of the Bride gowns... trying to get a head start on Jen´s...Spring of ´24 wedding. Since getting everything done takes time, she is trying to stay ahead of the curve.
She and your brother both got Covid again, as it is making a comeback. Fortunately is was a mild strain and both are feeling fine now.
My nephew called to tell me that Aunt C who hadn´t been able to see well or even communicate in more than seven years...was called back home to God on Sunday, Aug 13. I will miss my loving big sister, but it was a blessing because she had suffered far too long. I will hold all of my precious memories of her close in my heart...and I will keep her in my prayers, along with Nan, Gramps, my brother and you.
God bless you Sal, as you keep watch over your sisters and their families...as well as your brother and Dad.
You are loved, so very missed...and, you are in my thoughts and in my prayers always.
Mom
July 24, 2023
Dear Salvatore...Today´s weather has been a nice break from what it was this past week...when it was extremely hot and very muggy. It was actually a lovely summer day...one that You should have been able to enjoy out and about. Sadly, it marks instead, the "17th Year and 6 Months Remembrance Day" of your loss to us. To say I feel aggrieved, for the blatantly unfair treatment you received so unnecessarily, at the hands of those who were sworn to serve and protect...doesn´t even scratch the surface of how I view what they did and caused to happen to you and our family. I wonder at times, if any of those involved, in the over excessive use of force plan that was brought to you on that night, have any remorse...or ever think of the part they played in putting you in harm´s way...and their actions that stole you from your life and ours. They have changed our family´s lives forever by what they did...and it is unforgivable. This past week has also been hectic...as Dad spent it in the hospital with dizziness and intense pain in his neck. They ran a battery of tests, that included two MRI´s. two CAT scans, an ultrasound, and umpteen blood tests. It may be an inner ear issue, but we won´t know for sure, until we see the ENT doctor tomorrow. Because ENT doctors are so very specialized...the equipment needed by them in order to diagnose and treat a person with ear problems, are all very costly, so hospitals don't acquire them, nor do they list ENT doctors as part of hospital staff. They are not part of the ER either. Our health care systems is overloaded with patients, and there are not enough doctors, nurses and even hospital rooms...to accommodate those in need of them. Hopefully tomorrow´s appt will shed some light on the inner ear problems that have cost him his hearing. I´m hoping it is temporary and that an amplifier or hearing aid may be able to help him. On a happier note, we also had a very memorable dinner, celebrated with family, but Dad couldn´t join us. Jen had a very "Golden Birthday"...as she turned 23, on the 23rd, in Year ´23. We went back to S for cake and to play a game. I found out that Clue is not my game. I took great notes but then didn´t make the best deductions from them...but there were some laughs, even though they were at my expense.
We finally got the car back, after 21 days. Now we will wait to hear what the insurance company will do.
Allie´s wedding is also coming up in another week or so, and I´m hoping the Ear doctor is the miracle worker that will get Dad´s hearing back to normal and rid him of the vertigo, so that he can attend.
God bless you Son, as you keep watch over our family.
There is not a day that goes by that I don´t think of you. I love you son, and you are in my thoughts and in my prayers always. God Bless you Sal, as you rest peacefully in His Light.
E.L.H.
June 26, 2023
A mother´s grief is like the ocean ... it comes in waves ... ebbing and flowing. Sometimes it´s relatively calm ... other times, it´s ferocious... powerful ... overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim ... fight the waves ... swim toward the shore ... toward those we cherish ... and believe ... `someday´ ... we will see our son´s beautiful smile, feel his embrace ... and cry no more.
Mom
June 24, 2023
Dear Son...Today marks the 17th Year and 5 Months Remembrance Day...of what should have never happened to you...and to our family. I am in a reminiscing frame of mind at the moment... and I remember after losing my brother and living with the void and sadness that it caused my family to endure...my asking God to never permit that kind of devastatingly, unexpected and heartbreaking occurrence to ever happen again to anyone in our family...especially in the way that it impacted my parents lives...who were never the same people that they were before my brother´s loss.
I was a teenager back then and although I didn´t think so at the time, in hindsight, I recognize that my thinking, reasoning and asking was naïve. I had felt that as one of my brother´s sisters, we somehow after experiencing that kind of sorrow and grief, should now be spared, any further sorrows going forward with our lives...perhaps giving us a type of "pass" so to speak...to keep us from ever going through that kind of grief again ...after all, we had already been there, done that and paid the price by losing our brother...and I believed that "once" was more than enough...to go through that kind of heartbreak...most especially in the way that it impacted my parents lives. Nan and Gramps were never again the same people they had been before your Uncle´s accident. After it happened they would go to the cemetery religiously, every Sunday...and they did that together until Nan passed in 1987...and then Gramps would go alone until he moved here to VA to be with us in the late 90´s.
Before that July day in 1961, they would often take a drive up the NY Thruway to just get out of the city for a while, at least that was the excuse, but it really was to get a chance to visit with my brother at the Tarrytown barracks, even for a moment so they could just drop off a favorite Italian meal of his...with always enough to share with the rest of his fellow troopers, who at that time, also lived at the barracks. Your Uncle Sal was my parents' pride and joy...their golden boy. Everyone who knew him admired him for so many reasons. He was smart, well-read, very intelligent, fair-minded, unpretentious, and he had a great sense of humor and keen wit...and even more importantly, he had principles, and goals...and Lord knows he tried to motivate me as a teenager to at least "pick up a good book, read it and broaden your outlook on life," he would say to me. Being a teenager, I didn´t take his advice... and I regret it to this very day. I don't like thinking I may have disappointed him...with my foolish attitude...and fortunately for me, he let it go. Sal had a warm and likable personality...he really was a very special person...and I hope my indifference to his advice didn´t cause him to think less of me. Years later, when Dad and I attended a dedication of a Troop T memorial in his and another tpr's honor...who had both made the ultimate sacrifice as they served and protected...one of his superior officers´ said to me..."your brother," in his uniform was such an impressive sight...that he looked like he should be the recruiting poster for what every NY state trooper should look like." I wanted to add...and "emulate"...but I chose to just agree with him, since my brother was tall...well-built... had very broad shoulders...and was handsome. He also had integrity and was a decent human being. Maybe that´s why God wanted him back so soon. As the saying goes...only the good etc...
How naïve I was to think that we should have had some kind of immunity from that kind of hurt and devastation repeating itself, since we had already been through it...and that one time, I felt should be more than enough to remember for a lifetime. But here I am, living my mother´s life. Her son was taken from her...and you were taken from all of us. We each lost what no parent should have to in their lifetime. Both my Salvatore´s called back home by God...much too young, much too soon...and under tragic circumstances. I know my mother lost a part of herself with your Uncle´s loss...and a part of me too, is with you.
Didn´t know then how my Mom got through her days...but I do now. You are my first thought in the morning and my last at night...and at any other moments throughout my day. I´m sure she felt this same way too about my brother. The emotions come in waves at first...you think you are coping ok...and then the floodgates open, triggered by whatever, as they wash over you...and you´re back to square one...with all the questions...the why´s, and wanting to know what purposes were served by such a loss. There aren´t any good answers as far as I´m concerned...nor have I ever had any. It is so wrong for any parent to outlive his child and have to bear this kind of grief. Someday I am hoping to learn the answers to all my questions. But until then...
Yesterday, while I was on my way to the florist to pick up the flowers to take to your resting place... my car was hit by a truck that had been parked in a space in a private parking lot...and although I had the right of way...he obviously didn´t see me, and suddenly started to back up, and he hit my car on the left rear passenger door...leaving a big dent in it, along with scraped off paint. We tried calling his insurance company but it was closed and won´t reopen until Monday morning. It´s not exactly how I envisioned this week to start.
But I do thank God and you for watching over me, because it could have perhaps been worse; if he had hit the driver´s side of the door, I could have been hurt.
For the last two weeks, I have been picking up the mail and packages for C&S, but that stops now since they are due back from the beach today.
Sal, I had seen in you some of the same traits that my brother had...and you should know too, that you also had made us so proud of you...on many occasions...when you were just a boy...and then again as you grew into a young man. I am so sorry that your years to experience other areas of life´s many blessings, were taken from you and us, because of them. They too would have given all of us proud moments.
God bless you Sal, as I pray that you are resting peacefully in His perpetual light. Keep watching over our family. You are loved, so missed and you are in my thoughts each and every day. I pray that you are in the company of our family...and that as my brother´s namesake, he too is proud of you.
You are in my prayers...always.
Mom
June 18, 2023
Dear Salvatore...Today is Father´s Day...and even though you didn´t get to experience so many of "life's milestone's and blessings" that still would and could have been in your future; a future that was stolen from you, and our family, because of them...I still want to wish you a Very Blessed and Happy "God-Father´s" Day...since you did have two "Baptismal" Godchildren. Your brother being the first, and then your niece, S. Keep watching over each of them...as well as your siblings, their families, and Dad.
On a different subject...Vic called us and asked if we´d like to have dinner with her and Z, in their new home. Dad hasn´t seen it yet, nor has Chris, so it will be nice to do both.
C & S are still in NC, so tomorrow I will lend Z a hand in watching Xan in their absence. V & Z´s hired sitter will start on Tues. I hope it will be an easy transition for him. You would have enjoyed him Sal, as we all do, since he is such a happy and personable little guy. Kav is also a joy, but we don´t get to see her as often as Xan.
On my way to visit you...in a little bit. I love you son, and I miss you each and every day...as I carry you close in my heart. God bless you Sal, as I pray you are resting peacefully In His perpetual light.
You remain in my thoughts...and in my prayers always.
Mom
May 24, 2023
Dear Son...I got to your resting place on this "17 Years and 4 Months Remembrance Day"...a little bit late this afternoon. Actually, I almost didn´t get there. I had some errands to do beforehand and was running late while driving there. My phone rang and it was Dad asking where I was. I told him where I was heading and he asked if I was going to go with him to Milano´s which is where we meet with his WP classmates once a week on Thurs. night. I told him today is only Wednesday, and he said no it´s not, it's Thursday. I knew it wasn´t and said again it´s Wednesday. He then said it´s the 24th, Thursday. So I then thought...could I be wrong? I told him to check his calendar. He said he didn't have one. Really!! I should have told him to ask echo´s Alexa, but I didn´t and decided instead to check my phone. Maybe "I" was mistaken...but still didn´t think so.
I checked anyway and it said Wednesday, May 24. So I was going to call him to confirm that it was indeed Wed. because I know how he is about time and being prompt and with him thinking it was Thurs, we would´ve had to leave by 4:15 to get there by 5. It was already after 5, so I knew I needed to call him so that he could breathe a sigh of relief. He has such a weird thing about time.
Next thing I knew, I hit my left front tire against the guard rail in the left lane I was in. Correcting it I went a bit to the right, still in my lane, but a car coming up fast on my right...must have thought I was going to go in his lane, so he swerved and I went back to the left in my lane, and wound up too close to the rail and scraped the side of my car and broke the glass on the left side of my headlight. Fortunately, I didn´t get hurt nor cause anyone else a problem and I regained control and continued on to visit you. Hindsight...It could have been a win, win. If I totaled the car, and maybe was badly hurt too...then he wouldn´t have to repair it, and maybe I would have joined those that are with you...whom I also love and miss.
Granted, we expect to lose our parents...but to lose a young sibling...and then your own child...is beyond heartbreaking...as that loss is always felt and the grief has no end. I don´t mean to sound however I´m sounding...but I have been told to remember that good comes from everything. That might have been the "good" coming from hitting that rail. I don´t actually ascribe to that saying...but it did cross my mind afterwards. I will never think there is good to find after a tragic and untimely loss...and I speak...as is said...from my truth...having lost both my brother and then you...much too young, much too soon, and under heartbreaking circumstances.
You each had so many more years ahead of you... years that you should have been with our family and also could have shared with others the gifts and talents God gave to each of you. I view the loss of both my Salvatore´s short time here with us...as the breaking of God´s Seventh Commandment...which is...Thou Shall Not Steal.
I know there are no guarantees in life...but an average normal life expectancy of a healthy individual, which you both were...is well into their 70´s. We even have longevity genes and good DNA on all sides of our families. So to be taken with your best years still ahead of you...amounts to what I believe, is having those years stolen from you. From conception to natural death is what I think was intended for us. Sadly...I guess not every intention is realized.
As for parents...well we all expect to lose parents at some point...but to lose a young adult sibling... and then your own young adult child...is beyond heartbreaking...as that loss and the grief...are the most difficult to bear. I also need to count the blessings...so I want to share with you the other side of what is meant to balance the hurts in life. Those ARE the joys and blessings...one of which was your niece Jen´s graduating this weekend from UVA´s Engineering School with "The Highest Distinction." That translates to her having a GP average of 3.8 and above for all four years of her college experience...which did get impacted by having to deal with Covid as part of what should have been an otherwise new and happy chapter in life´s journey. She did great in spite of that.
We also got to meet her future in-laws at a lovely after graduation luncheon that your sister and brother-in-law hosted. Jen´s fiancé is a very bright, kind and caring young man. His family is a very tight knit and close one...which is a plus to marry into.
I also got to baby sit Xan yesterday...he is a lovable, happy and adorable 15 month-old bundle of energy and personality. I enjoy him so much. Stef´s baby is also a blessing...and a little beauty.
God bless you Sal...as you keep close watch over your sisters, your nieces and nephews, your brother, Dad and the two newest additions to our family. Xan & Kav.
You are loved Sal, and very missed. You are in my daily thoughts, in my heart, and always in my prayers.
Mom
April 24, 2023
Dear Salvatore...This morning I went to the florist ...to pick up the two floral arrangements that will mark this "17th Year and 3 Months Remembrance Day" of your loss to our family. I will bring one to your resting place...and the other to the statue of St. Joseph with the Boy Jesus...which is now back on its outdoor pedestal at church.
I was expecting this newly replaced statue, to look like the original one...but there are distracting differences that I see...and they are disappointing. It is much darker in color than the original, which was a lighter bronze shade. The Boy Jesus´ face on the original one, had features that were more defined and delicate looking. This new one has a pudgy face...so I´m not sure that it was, in fact, cast from the original mold...or if a new one was made. Strangest of all, both figures were given eyes by the person who made this statue.
I guess since Father D has absorbed the cost for this replacement; I will have to adjust to these changes...and deal with the..."it is what it is." We had told the people at Sacred Spaces when we initially ordered the statue from them; that it was to be in honor of our founding pastor...and donated by us parents...in memory of our sons... all of you schoolmates...(You, Vinny and Richard) ...as each of you were taken from our respective families...under both tragic, very unexpected, and heartbreaking circumstances...in a relatively close time to one another. It does appear that God calls the best of His children back to Him first...but you all were much too young...and called back much too soon. As for the statue...we were told it was meant for outdoors...and had an additional poly-coat added that would withstand the elements, with little to no upkeep. That didn't happen, and the statue over time, began to look badly weathered and even started to peel in a number of places. As Gramps would say...nothing lasts forever...and now, even Sacred Spaces is no more. Covid impacted most everyone and also everything.
This past Friday night we all gathered for an early (date and timewise i.e.) celebratory dinner for me...at C & S's country club...to mark a milestone birthday...that truth be told, I would have liked to NOT acknowledge...because it is a shocking one... with a number, that I don´t "feel"...nor can even relate to. I did however...blow out the candles on the very pretty cake, so that I could make wishes in behalf of your sisters' and their families...who went out of their way to attend...with all of them having to drive a good distance...and in the height of traffic. J and her fiance came up from school, but had to return right afterwards. Your nieces, V and S, now two new Mom's...had to interrupt their babies' daytime schedules, and then their normal bedtime routines as well. That wasn't easy for any of them...but it was wonderful to take some pictures of those two little dolls together and then with their parents. I did blow out the candles on the pretty cake...as I wished for blessings for my children, grandchildren and their families...asking they be safe in these crazy times we are living in...and for them to be kept out of harm´s way...blessed with good health, peace of mind, and happiness. I always pray that prayer...but it wasn´t enough of a prayer for you... because of them. Forgive me, son.
Your brother didn´t join us in person...since he had pink eye, and he didn´t want to chance giving it to anyone else...but we did get to face time with him...and he was able to see everyone and then interact with all of us too.
Of course, and again, but for them, you would have been with us too. If only... I did have you in my thoughts, as I carry you close in my heart always.
This week...we also celebrate your "role model" sister´s birthday. It was her idea too...to suggest a round table type of..."Grandma roast" at dinner. Fortunately, my S grandchildren went easy on me...as my G grandchildren wanted to know if their cousins, may have had a different Gma than theirs. Bless them all.
Son, God bless you...as I pray that you are resting peacefully in God's perpetual light...as you also keep watch over your sisters, their families, your brother and Dad.
I love you Sal...and miss you more than mere words can express. You are in my thoughts...and in my prayers...as I hold you close to me always. Mom
Mom
April 9, 2023
Dear Son...This is going to be a non-traditional Easter meal and gathering for our family...as we will be ordering in...rather than have your sister expend the energy she normally would...in preparing her leg of lamb dinner...with all its trimmings...in addition to the ham and its sides... in her effort to satisfy everyone's preferences...as we mark this holy day. Con has extended herself for some time now...as she has willingly taken on the family holiday gatherings...and she does an excellent job of it...with I must say...very little help from me. She is organized and focused...and quite the cook too. Unfortunately she isn´t feeing too great... as her grandson shared a cold he caught at the babysitter's...with almost everyone in the family. It was so sad to see him not feeling well...and then both of his parents also got sick. Although at this time of year...between seasonal allergies and the changes in weather...everyone seems to be coughing and having respiratory issues. Con got an added setback...as she also got a pink eye infection which caused her a lot of misery. She went to see Dr. R and he prescribed an antibiotic that she has to take four times a day, for seven days, and an additional steroid drop to relieve the pain she was having in her eyes. I also had my seasonal bronchitis...but that's what happens when one lives in VA. The pollen counts have been exceptionally high thus far and almost everyone seems to be coughing and sneezing. I never had these issues growing up with concrete sidewalks...so maybe trees and grass are a bit overrated. We all are feeling somewhat better now, and Con with only two days on meds is a bit less miserable, but still not up to par...and since she doesn´t want to chance giving it to anyone else...there will be no hands on cooking...so ordering in will be fine. I know Jen was making a cake and some cookies per her Mom's request. Still not sure if Stef will join us...she doesn't want to chance her baby catching anything...and we all understand that. I haven't been to a Good Friday service in some time...and even though it is always my intention to go, I somehow at holidays end up having too many things to do and don´t manage to get there. Yesterday, things must have been aligned correctly...so I was able to go to the 3 pm Good Friday service and I´m glad I did. While at church I saw that the St. Joseph statue in honor of Msgr. Scannell, that was donated in your memory as well as Vinny´s and Rich´s...was sitting on the ground and covered by a tarp. We were told when we purchased it those many years ago...that being an outdoors statue...it would withstand the elements...but after all this time...it took on a strange patina, and began to crack and peel in places. Fr. D said he would fund a new one...and although he did, and it has arrived...it has not been lifted onto its pedestal yet. Hopefully it will be soon. On another subject...your great grandnephew was not happy with his visit to the Easter Bunny. V sent me the photo they took of him crying, and it is priceless. I think most parents have a "right of passage" holiday picture of their own crying child sitting on a costumed stranger´s lap too. It´s what a baby does when put in that position. The one I have of you looking over your shoulder and beginning to cry...as you are trying to get away from Santa; is a precious treasure to me. Even though these holidays are bittersweet...and the babies are too young to understand...I did make each of them an Easter basket...as I´m trying to not lose the spirit. April holds special moments for our family...as yesterday was Con´s & Steve´s 34th Anniversary, and today is Cyn´s 57th birthday ...with Con´s to follow in seventeen days. Lot´s to celebrate...as we wish you could have been...and should have been...here with us, but for them.
God bless you Sal...as you keep watching over our family...and as I wish you a Happy Easter...or as Nan and Gramps would say..."Buona Pasqua"... know too, that you are loved and very missed by all of us. You are in my thoughts each and every day...as I carry you close in my heart...and in my prayers always.
Mom
March 24, 2023
Dear Sal, No matter how I mark these Days of Remembrance...which now number "17 Years and 2 Months" of them; or 206 Months, or 895 Weeks, or 6268 Days, or 150,432 Hours...however the time is counted...all I know is...that "time" does not heal, nor lessen the heartbreak of your loss to our family.
Each and every day since they caused what so wrongfully happened to you...that stole you from your life and ours...I have in this "new normal" we´ve been made to bear...held...and continue to hold you close...in my thoughts...and in my heart, so that anywhere that I am, you are too.
There aren´t many minutes, seconds or moments, that you don´t cross my mind...nor are there enough words to say how much you are grieved for...and missed by me.
My prayer is that you are happy, and resting peacefully...in God´s perpetual light...and in His promised reward of eternal life.
God bless you son, as you keep watch over your sisters, their families, your brother and Dad.
I love you my precious son...you are in my prayers...always.
Mom
March 19, 2023
Dear Son...Hope this St. Joseph feast day was a blessed one for you...since Joseph is the name you chose to take as your middle name...when you received the sacrament of Confirmation.
I love you Sal...and you're in my thoughts...each and every day...and in my prayers always.
Mom
February 24, 2023
Dear Sal...Today marks the "Seventeenth Year and One Month Remembrance Day" of your loss to our family...but despite the amount of time that has passed...it has not healed the proverbial wounds. Our family remains changed because of what they caused to happen to you. We are no longer the family or people we once were. Each of us has been impacted in different ways...by all that we were made to bear. The stress we all felt as we were supporting one another in seeking the justice you were owed...did not come without a cost. Your sisters and brother...were paying the price; physically, emotionally and even spiritually ...over those 5 years of courtrooms...and appeals that moved slowly. Dad was worn down...and that, plus the toll I saw it taking on your siblings... was why I couldn't keep my promise to you any longer. I was prepared to go the distance, but that was my makeup...and l had to take into account what it was doing to everyone else. So...
Dad after working all day, would rush home to attend and participate in FFX county meetings on police practices, with dialogues that also dragged on. All of this at the same time...in addition to the grief we all were bearing. I still haven't forgiven myself for breaking my word to you, and I probably never will.
There has not been a day that goes by when you are not my first thought in the morning...and my last thought at night. You are also in my thoughts throughout my day too. It´s just how it is for me.
Sal, our world has not learned anything yet, as there are lives still being lost in questionable over the top police circumstances. These are crazy times.
On a pleasant note, we are sitting for Xan tonight ...the disappointment is...he will be asleep.
Both your great-grandnephew and niece are very beautiful babies. I'm not being biased. They just are. How I wish you could have known them...and they you.
God bless you son, as you continue to watch over our family.
You are loved, very missed, and you are in my prayers always.
Mom
February 14, 2023
Dear Sal...As this is Saint Valentine's Day...I want you to know that you are loved...and so very missed.
God Bless you sweetheart.
You are in my thoughts and prayers always.
Mom
January 24, 2023
Dear Son...Today is January 24th, and it´s once again falling on a Tuesday...just as it did in 2006, when that pounding on our door...and the four words that were spoken to me...changed the lives of everyone in our family...forever. I don´t know how many times over these many years, a January 24th falls on a Tuesday...but this one is marking the 17th Year Remembrance Day of your tragic loss to our family. I don´t think that those responsible for what happened to you...want to remember this date... nor what their reprehensible act...that put you in harm´s way...caused. More than likely, they have been trying to forget what they senselessly and unnecessarily permitted to happen...from that first moment...that stole you from your life. I on the other hand...cannot and will never be able to forget what they did...as I have marked each and every day of your heartbreaking loss to us; missing you...but I wonder too...how they have been able to live with themselves after what their policies and protocols allowed for back then. All of which permitted for an over excessive show of force to be brought to you...which then put you at risk and in harm´s way with no margins for error. The poor police practices, accountability and consequences for actions back then...would have in today´s climate...and in my opinion...resulted in a much different outcome now...for all those involved...and my promise to you...for the justice you were owed, would likely be realized. The phrase timing is everything is a valid one. I however, seem destined to wait for God´s due time...and my hope in His justice...that my long overdue promise to you will be considered by Him. Mrs. C reached out to me with an email, as she has done since the beginning of your untimely loss to our family...to let me know she and her husband were also thinking of us...and you...on this sad day. Cyn and your nephews called to lend their support...in wanting me to know that they too were thinking of and praying for you on this day. They pretty much pray for you daily. Con´s call earlier, was her way of letting me know that you were also in her thoughts today...as we all miss you so very much. I find that your being remembered by others, and not just by our family...helps all of us to be reminded of the happy times we all shared in with one another...and that you were such a large part of. God bless you Salvatore...as you rest peacefully in His perpetual light.
Thank you too...for keeping close watch over your two sisters, their families, your brother and Dad. You are loved Sal...and you are not forgotten by any of us whose lives you have touched.
Know that I hold you close in my heart each and every day...and that you are in my thoughts and in my prayers always.
Mom
January 1, 2023
Dear Sal...We spent New Year's Eve at your Godchild's home...but it didn't set well with me that your brother couldn't join us because he wasn't feeling well. He insisted that he would be fine on his own and told us to go ahead as we planned. I did call him at midnight and he was able to be on his speaker phone and wished all of us a Happy New Year...as we were all saying the same thing to him.
As usual there was too much food, to include Dad's pizzas that you always looked forward to. While waiting for the ball in Times Square to drop, we started a board game that everyone seemed to enjoy except yours truly. Any game that has a booklet of very lengthy instructions to decipher in order to begin playing, is beyond my idea of a fun game...although everyone else enjoyed it.
The weather both going and returning home was awful. Rain, fog and mist does not make for ideal driving conditions at any hour, let alone on New Year's Eve after midnight, while other drivers who were likely partying...were also on the road and going home. We did make it home safely and so did your sister and her family, so thank you...and God for watching over all of us.
While I pray you have a blessed New Year's Day...I hope you know how much you are loved and missed as we begin another year of our new normal. I did visit your resting place today, and I also stopped by the St. Joseph statue and prayed for you there too.
God bless you son as you continue to watch over our family. You are in my thoughts and in my prayers...always.
Mom
December 26, 2022
Dear Sal...We just got back from Con's...but it's a little later than we anticipated. Your sister and brother-in-law once again out did themselves.
They both expend a lot of time and energy to accommodate family on these holidays. God bless them for all that they do.
Both babies were there and they are adorable. Xan has a winning smile and personality. Kav is the sweetest little girl...and now that she is beginning to make herself heard...she makes the cutest sounds as she is discovering her voice. It was so nice to see both babies and to get some photos of the two of them together. Wish you could have been here to see them too. You were missed, but thought about throughout this day.
Before this day is over though...I want to wish you a Very Blessed Christmas Day.
Again, I ask that you keep watching over our family...esp the new little ones and their parents. God bless you Salvatore...you are not forgotten.
I love you son, and you are in my prayers always.
Mom
December 24, 2022
Dear Son...This Christmas Eve marks the "16th Year and 11 Months Remembrance Day" of your unnecessary and tragic loss to our family...and yes, I am always counting the days. Just want you to know how much you are loved, thought about, and so very missed.
Too many holidays..and milestone occasions have been bittersweet for us...because of what they caused to happen to you and our family. You should have been here with us...for all of these family events...as you were just in the prime of your life...but because of them...our world was turned upside down and is forever changed. That is the pain and sadness I feel that counters the joys and blessings.
Tomorrow we will be spending the day with Con´s family, which will be the "First Christmas" for both of her adorable grandbabies. They are the joys and blessings I mentioned...and we are grateful to be here...to see them and get to know them. I wish you could have known them too.
We went to mass this evening, and tomorrow before going to your sister´s house...we will visit you at your resting place.
Sal, you are always in my thoughts, as I carry you close in my heart.
May God bless you Salvatore, as you keep watch over your sisters, their families, your brother and Dad.
Hope you had a blessed Christmas Eve...in the company of all our loved ones who are also missed by us.
You are not forgotten...and you are in my prayers always.
Mom
December 17, 2022
Dear Son...Today would have been your 54th birthday...and you should have been here with us to celebrate it...and your many future birthdays too.
All the years that were still ahead of you...stolen... by them...because of what they unnecessarily caused...to happen to you...and to our family.
Time is not the healer people want to think it is.
I just hope you know how much happiness you brought to our lives...in the 37 years we had with you...and, most of all, how much you are loved... and so very missed by us.
I read something that said...a son is always in two places - in your thoughts and in your heart. I can attest to that...since I carry you in both too...and, additionally in my prayers...always.
You are my first thought each day...and my last thought each night.
As I wish you a Happy and Blessed Birthday...I´d like to believe that you are in the company of your Grandparents...my Brother...and, your younger cousins...and friends, V and R...each of them...also called back home to God...much too soon.
Please keep watching over your sisters, their families, your brother, and Dad. Keep all of them safe...and out of harm's way.
God bless you Salvatore...as I pray that you rest peacefully, in His perpetual light.
You are not forgotten.
E. L. Milanese
November 27, 2022
Dear Anita ... my thoughts and prayers remain with you, your husband Sal, & your family during this holiday season & always. I understand your pain ... I truly do.
It is said that "time heals?"
True absurdity! Not for the loss of a child....not for the loss of a child! What time does is `teaches us.´ It teaches us how to breathe everyday, how to smile, how to cope, how to pretend ... essentially, `how to fake it.´ How to comfort others into not feeling uncomfortable around us. But as you are painfully aware, the intense feelings remain ... profound loss, heart wrenching memories, pain, anger ... all very vivid, in tact, & crystal clear.
I think of you & Sal often ... I think of your precious son and I think of how his life was taken away so senselessly & tragically.
People may ask `why´ would something so tragic occur? My question would be `how.´ `HOW´ something so tragic could be allowed to occur. How?´
Your son is safe now ... and he hears your heart & thoughts ... and that, I truly believe
E. Laura
Mom
November 24, 2022
Dear Salvatore...It´s Thursday, and Thanksgiving Day...that is marking this"16 Years and 10 Months Remembrance Day."
I dread this season of holidays...that I once looked forward to...way back when...we just had a normal life...and not this "new normal" existence that was foisted upon us...because of them...and what they caused to happen to you and our family. I miss you so very much.
I made a few things today, to bring to Con´s house on Friday, since that is when we will celebrate this holiday. I was somewhat grateful when I couldn't find artichokes this season...since I have to make so many...so when I was told by 3 different store produce managers...that they weren´t expecting any to be shipped...with a "maybe" at Christmas...I must admit...I was kind of glad...and thought...ok, I´ll just try again next holiday. But then...because of my Italian guilt...and also knowing how much the girls enjoy them...I decided to try one more store...and the small miracle happened. They had just received a truck...and a crate of artichokes was unloaded. So I gave myself a break, and only bought ten...which I stuffed this morning...and will surprise the girls with them tomorrow. As Con´s two girls are now married, the holidays have to be shared with their in-laws...so this year was their husbands´ turn to spend today with their side of their family...but they will be back on Friday...so that´s when our side of the family will get together.
God bless Con and Steve...since they have taken on the challenge of these holidays...even as our numbers increase. Cyn is spending today with her family, at her married son's in-laws.
I wish I didn´t have to visit you today...and that you could be here with us...but I will...because of them. I pray that you too will have a very Blessed Thanksgiving Day.
Our family is thankful to God...to have had you in our lives...if only it could have been for a longer time. Son, you had so many years ahead of you... and it breaks my heart that they were all stolen from you...by the FCPD's inept officer...and their absurd and excessive use of force fiasco. I´ll never understand what purpose any of what happened to you served. Hopefully, God´s going to explain it to me...someday. But even then, I doubt it will set well with me.
God bless you Sal...as you keep watch over your sisters, their families, your brother and Dad.
You are loved...very missed...and you are in my thoughts and in my prayers...always.
Mom
October 24, 2022
Dear Son...Today marked the 16th Year and 9 Months Remembrance Day...of your loss to our family...so after visiting your resting place this morning...I also stopped by the St. Joseph statue this afternoon...and prayed there too.
There isn´t a day that goes by without my thinking of you...and missing you. You are my first thought in the morning and my last at night...as I will never stop thinking about...and questioning the..."why?" and, "what?" purpose would be served...by what they caused to happen to you...and to our family.
It´s said God works in mysterious ways...and I do hope to ask Him someday...since it is a mystery to me...exactly what the purpose or reason was...for two untimely and tragic losses to occur in our family...that caused...both my mother and me...to bear the greatest loss a parent can be made to suffer...she, the loss of her son...and me...the loss of my son too.
I imagine there are those...who wouldn´t dare to question Our Lord...but I know His Mother would understand...my wanting to have an answer...so someday...I intend to ask my question...and even if I may not like His answer...or even get one...I will at least know that I did ask.
God bless you Sal...as I pray that you are resting peacefully in His perpetual light...and that you are in the company of other loved...and missed family members...who were also called back home to Him.
Keep watching over your sisters...their families... your brother...and Dad.
You are not forgotten...as I carry you close in my heart...and you are in my prayers...always.
Mom
September 24, 2022
Dear Sal...The weather is beginning to change...as Fall is in the air...and you know...what that means for me...as I mark this "16 Years and Eight Months Remembrance Day."
It´s once again...that time of the year...that brings me right back...to that Tuesday night...when it all went so wrong...for you and our family...because of them.
What was your favorite season...because of all the things you most enjoyed about it...has become for me...my most dreaded one...since all that they caused to happen to you...and our family...200 months ago.
It´s now football season...and you...like most young men...always looked forward to the excitement of watching the games...along with looking forward to...the upcoming holidays and celebrations...from Halloween...to Thanksgiving... to your Birthday...and then Christmas and the New Year. Even the crisp air...and the cooler days were enjoyed and appreciated by you.
I knew it back then...with that knock on the door... and what was told to me...that I would never ever forgive any of them...for their use of such a most unnecessary...and excessive show of force plan... with no margin for error...that put you in harm's way...and stole you from your life...and ours. That is still how I feel about all of them...who were responsible for causing what happened to you that night.
I know God will judge me for that...but they will also be judged by Him...so that is when the justice you are owed...and my promise to you...will finally be kept.
Sal, our family of six...after all this time...has grown to be twenty-one. Many of life´s milestones ...that I wish you could have been...and should have been here for...have taken place...and my hope is...that somehow you were able to share in them...as you kept watch over everyone.
Your sisters...and their families...have added to their numbers...and along with your brother...and Dad...I ask that you intercede if you can...to keep all of them safe...and out of harm´s way. I hope you know how much you are loved...so missed... and that you are not forgotten.
God bless you Son...as I carry you close in my heart...and in my thoughts...each and every day... and...you are in my prayers always.
Mom
August 24, 2022
Dear Son...Once again, I had to miss picking up the flowers...with which to mark...this 199th Month...or counted another way...this 16th Year and 7 Months Remembrance Day.
This also was due...to my latest surgery on Aug 16 on the right eye. It didn´t do as well as the first one. Although it was the exact same operation... for some reason the glaucoma pressure, although a 13 reading on Wed...the day after the surgery, and a vision test of 20/100...which was a cloudy, and hazy distortion of my vision...I was told I no longer needed to go back to the surgery group... and instead should make an appt in three weeks with my regular optometrist.
I was told my eye was swollen and that´s what was accounting for the poor vision.
By Friday I was getting nauseous, and had the beginning of a slight headache, and began to feel strange. You know me, I wasn´t going to wait for a 3 week appt. before addressing this...so I called the surgery group and made an appt for Monday. When my pressure was measured...it had gone from the 13 to a spike of 37, then 43 and finally 51. It was attributed to perhaps an allergic reaction to the post-op Omni prednisolone in the drop solution...or the opening to correct for the glaucoma...had sealed itself. Allergic reaction didn't seem plausible to me...since I had used the OMNI formulation in the left eye for four weeks without any issue.
I was then given an eye drop which is known to quickly drop the pressure, but it didn´t. So then I was given a tablet that is also suppose to do that...but it didn´t work either. Then doctor B came in...and using a fine needle...he put 8 holes into several areas of my eye...in order to drain and release the pressure behind the eye...so that it could drop.
That too wasn´t a great success. So I went home with two of the tablets and was told to take one at bedtime...and the other before going in the next day for another pressure check. I also was given a different drop to use in place of the post op ONMI solution.
I had to go in again today...and I saw Dr. M. The pressure is back down to13...so I hope it will stay there. I see Dr. P tomorrow for another check on pressure...which I hope is a final visit with them... and likely he will write a prescription for the new drops...which are a replacement for the OMNI solution. Dr. P only had one sample on hand...so that is what he gave me yesterday. I must say the staff...the doctors...and the techs...are all very pleasant and accommodating individuals. So no lack of care or concern there.
OK enough of that...but it could and would have been so wonderful and reassuring...to have your input and advice...if only...but, because of them.
On a happy note...your Godchild gave birth to a beautiful baby girl on Thursday, Aug. 11...at 2:25pm. Her name is Kavanaugh Juliette. She was 7 lbs. 13 oz. and 20.5 inches. Quite a delivery for our petite Stef. They are planning on calling her either KJ or Kav.
So now we have Xan and KJ. They are both joys... and we have been blessed by their addition to our family. Thank you God.
How I wish you were here...to see them and get to know them.
God bless you Sal...as you keep watch over your sisters...their families...your new grandnephew and grandniece...your brother...and Dad.
He had his milestone birthday today...and is now an octogenarian. Where has all the time gone.
I love you son...and I miss you so very much...you are in my daily thoughts...and you are in my prayers...always.
Mom
July 24, 2022
Dear Sal...I couldn´t get to the florist for this "16 Years and 6 Months Remembrance Day"...because I´m not permitted to drive until at least next week.
However, I will make my usual Sunday visit to your resting place...after mass today...but the flowers will have to wait until our Tuesday.
I had cataract surgery...and since I´m still seeing a bit blurry...I have to wait a few more days before driving.
I asked Dr. B if he knew you...and he said yes. He remembered you as a nice young man...with a good sense of humor.
Last night we went out to a family birthday dinner ...for your youngest G niece, i.e. Jen, who turned 22 yesterday...and afterwards we went back to C´s for J's birthday cake...and family game time with her, Dennis, Stef, Alec, Con, Steve, and Chris.
Milo, as always...had a stare down contest with your brother...he just doesn´t like him. Chris said it´s because M is trying to dominate as an alpha male...and C won´t let him. So much for man´s best friend.
Of course Dad and I lost at the...Think `N Sync game...which is advertised as great minds thinking alike. Since our answers seldom matched...I guess that ship has sailed. Jen and Dennis won...so it´s good to know that at least they´re on the same page.
Chris was in rare form and provided us with some needed laughs...so it was a pleasant evening.
Aunt J´s grandson is going to have a stem cell procedure...next week...and his sister being the match...is his donor. Their family is going through a very stressful time...and we are all praying for the best of all outcomes...for G. It will take a good while before knowing if it will have benefitted him, so it´s one day at a time...with God´s help...as they go through this.
Keep special watch...over your sisters...their families...your brother...and Dad.
As for your nieces and nephews...they all are moving on to young adult milestones. S is due to have her baby girl...any time now. Vic also needs some interceding...as she will be moving back here...and looking for a job...while also being a new mommy to Xan. M, will be getting married in early Sept., so there is that too.
I just want all of them to be safe...healthy, happy, and out of harm's way...in these crazy times.
God bless you Son...as you rest peacefully in His perpetual light.
You are loved...and very missed...as I carry you close in my thoughts...and in my heart...each and every day.
You are in my prayers, always.
Mom
June 24, 2022
Dear Salvatore...I´m marking this "16 Years and 5 Months Remembrance Day"...with a trip to the florist first...and then a visit to your resting place... and on the way back...to the St. Joseph statue. Dad removed the plaque today and brought it to the people who made it. Since it has a lifetime guarantee...they are having it remade. It appears that the elements have oxidized it along with the statue...even though the finishes on both...were supposed to last indefinitely. The statue needs a restoration of the fiberglass...on some parts of its surface. We are trying to find a local company that can do this...as Sacred Spaces where it was purchased...is no longer in business. Right now the statue looks chalky...which I have read is part of how it ages. Usually a bronze finish...over time gets a patina of bluish-green...so this chalky look doesn´t seem right. In any case...we will search until we can find someone who can take care of the problem...and restore it to its original finish.
I´ll get to see your grand-nephew on Saturday when his entire family is due back from Nags Hd. Although they will be returning to NY on Sunday... we are hopeful they will be back in VA to stay...by August. Xan the man...as I refer to him...is such an adorable and precious lil´ boy. He now knows when he is being played with...and he has finally found and is mastering his giggle. Before long he will get to meet his new baby girl cousin...as your Godchild´s little girl is due in early August. Your sister´s family is growing quickly. Who could have imagined...your big sister is now a Grandmother.
It is so unfair son...that you are not here with us... to enjoy all the years that were still ahead of you... but for them. I hope and pray that you somehow still know...what is going on in our family...as mile-stones continue to be marked...by your nieces and nephews...as our numbers increase in size.
Please keep watching over your sisters...their families...your brother...Dad...and our extended family too.
God bless you Sal...as you rest in His perpetual light and eternal peace. You are loved...missed beyond words...and you are in my thoughts each and every day...as I carry you close in my heart. You are not forgotten by any of us...and you are in my prayers...always.
Mom
June 19, 2022
Dear Sal...
Hope and pray that today...will be filled with
many blessings for you...as I wish you A Very Happy "GOD-Father's" Day!
Love you and miss you beyond words...as you keep watch over both of your Godchildren...and our family. God bless you my precious son.
You're in my thoughts and in my prayers...always.
Mom
May 24, 2022
Dear Salvatore...Another of our Tuesday´s...a rainy gray one...is marking this "16 Years and 4 Months" Remembrance Day...as we continue to mourn your loss to our family.
Wish you could have been here with us...to see and participate in all the milestones...our family is reaching...as time goes by.
Last weekend...your "role model" sister...gave a baby shower for your Godchild S...who's expecting her first baby...a little girl...in early Aug.
C has become quite good at this...given that she also recently planned Vic´s baby shower this past Jan. That makes it 2 new arrivals within 6 months of each other. Feb/boy and Aug/girl.
She switched the decorations from blue to pink... again ordered too much food...made a new guest list...ordered different Shower Q & A games...and had Amazon gift cards wrapped...to give to the winners. It was a good time...and there were a lot of laughs. As a Mom to be...S looked adorable.
We also got to see Aunt J and Cousin R who drove down together from NJ...and two of C & S´s friends who flew in from MA. K&D...are a carbon copy of your sister and brother-in-law. They are a great couple...down to earth, sincere, and are genuinely good people. I was very happy to see them...and I really enjoyed their company.
Your sister C and her daughter A drove up...and a few of S´s Calc teacher friends came too...as well as S´s in-laws and your brother-in-law´s family. New thing is...baby showers now include the men in the family too.
The highlight in all honesty...besides S´s joy as she opened her baby's gifts...was getting to see...for the first time...in person...our new great-grandson Alexander...aka Xander...but to me...as Xan.
V & Z came down from NY for the shower...and spent the prior week at C´s...so I got to see Xan almost every day. He is a beautiful boy...God bless him!
Since he will be Baptized here on June 4...with his Aunt S and Uncle A as his Godparents...we will once again gather as family...to witness this very blessed occasion...and this too...will have me wishing you could have been here with us...as well as all the other days...over these last 16+ years... as we miss you...on each and every one of them.
I went to the florist yesterday...to pick up the flowers that I will leave at your resting place today...and at the statue...when I visit both.
I haven´t been to a mass in church for the last several weeks...even missed Easter mass because I tested positive for Covid...and since then...I´ve been streaming mass on line...even though it may no longer be an acceptable means to an end.
Today however, I did attend mass in person...not only for your intention...but also for the daughter ...of two very good friends of ours...A & G...who have been going through a very difficult...and heart-wrenching ordeal...over the last several months...as their daughter has been on life support...while waiting for a heart transplant.
I also asked your sisters to keep S and her parents in their prayers. It is...as I know all too well...very hard to keep the faith at times of great upset...and WHY God allows for such upset...I will never ever understand.
What I do understand is the worry, anxiety and helplessness a parent feels...when watching their child suffer through a serious health issue...and how the hours drag as complicated surgeries are performed. It is gut-wrenching...as you hope and pray that it all will turn out okay.
I know that each time your sister...over the years... courageously would face another surgery...I would beg and plead with God...to get her through it... and to guide her surgeon´s hands. I was praying that for S and her doctors too.
C called me last night asking if I had any updates yet...about S. I was going to call A several times yesterday...but hesitated since I wasn´t sure when the Monday surgery would be over...so I kept putting it off.
The phone rang a few minutes ago...and it was A. She told me that S had passed away this morning. I was devastated for her. I was so hoping and praying that this operation would buy S the time she would need...to get her to the next phase... that might actually take care of her need.
I guess that wasn´t God´s plan for her...or her parents...and here it is...the 24th...on another of our Tuesday´s...that has delivered such extremely sad news...of what is a parent´s worst nightmare... the loss of their child.
God, bless her parents...with the graces they will need...to help them cope with this untimely and tragic loss...of their very beloved daughter.
Eternal rest grant unto her soul O Lord...and let perpetual light shine upon her. May her soul and the souls of all the faithful departed, through the mercy of God, rest in peace. Amen
Sal, I hope you can be there to welcome S back home to God.
Son...please keep close watch over your sisters... their families...your brother...and Dad.
God bless you Salvatore...You are loved...and missed beyond words...as I carry you close...in my thoughts...in my heart...and in my prayers...always
Mom
April 24, 2022
Dear Son...First I apologize for not wishing you a Blessed Easter on April 17th...as it is now the second Sunday after Easter...that is marking this 16 years and 3 Months Remembrance Day of your loss to our family.
I wasn´t able to order and pick up the flowers with which I normally mark this occasion, nor am I able to visit your resting place today. Dad and I both tested positive for Covid, me on Holy Saturday and he the Wednesday after Easter Sunday.
We had been with several of his classmates and their wives, at a recent classmate gathering on Holy Thursday evening...and although they all had been vaxed...and even got the two additional boosters, at least a half dozen of them, got and tested positive for this new strain of Covid. It goes to show that vaxed or not, it does not protect you from coming down with it. Fortunately it is a more mild strain, like having a cold, and not the more serious one that cost so many people their lives over these past two years.
We had to isolate and therefore missed both Easter dinner with family, and couldn´t get to meet our new great-grandson in person either. We did get to see a lot of photos of him...and he is a beautiful boy.
Your Godchild´s baby shower is in May so we will get to see V with him when she comes back for her sister´s shower.
I actually feel pretty good...but Dad ran a very high fever for a day, and has a terrible sounding cough. He is also extremely tired but I do think he is improving. Chris had already had Covid a while ago...so I hope he doesn´t get it again. I also have to schedule a cataract surgery...and met with a doctor who said he knew you. He told me that many of your colleagues are still appalled at what happened to you at the hands of the FCPD. All of it so unnecessary, avoidable and tragic.
C & S are getting the beach house ready for renters...while also preparing for the shower. J called and is dealing with a strep throat and her semester finals are also on the horizon. V & Z´s baby will be getting baptized in early June, and then hopefully things will calm again, until August when S & A´s baby girls is due. Cyn´s M is getting married in Sept. so there is that too.
I pray that you are watching over all of us...and that you are aware of all the changes taking place in our growing family...and, of how much you are loved and so very missed by us.
God bless you Sal...as I carry you close, in my thoughts...and in my heart each and every day. You are in my prayers...always.
Mom
March 24, 2022
Dear Sal...While today marks the "16 Years and 2 Months Remembrance Day" of your tragic loss to our family...yesterday was the "Thirty-fifth Year Remembrance Day" of Nan´s loss to us...and also 2 Months since Gma M passed away. February 21 also marked the "21 Years" since Gramps was taken from us too.
It appears that the first three months of any new year...will always be marked by recalling how very much each of you mean to us...and how much you all are loved...thought about...and are missed by us.
I wanted to leave a flower at the Blessed Mother statue yesterday...in my Mom´s memory...but the rain caused time to get away from me...so I will do that today...after my visit to the St. Joseph statue... in your behalf...and afterwards...your resting place too.
Your sister is improving slowly...but still needs to take it easy...as she recovers from her recent health issue. Thank God she is doing better each day...but in order to fully recuperate...she really needs to eat a nutritional diet...and get plenty of rest over the next several weeks...while building her blood back.
Keep watching over all of your siblings...as well as your nieces and nephews...and Dad too.
I love you son...and I miss you beyond words.
God bless you Salvatore...and know that you are in my prayers...always.
Mom
March 19, 2022
To My Salvatore JOSEPH...It is once again the Feast Day of Saint Joseph...as well as your "name" day... since you chose the name "Joseph"...for your middle name...when your received the Sacrament of Confirmation.
Today after the 5 o´clock mass...I made a visit to the St. Joseph statue in your memory. I prayed that you have a very blessed day...as you keep close watch over our family...as we have been going through some very concerning times.
Our extended family too, has been dealing with some serious issues...and I hope as you keep watch over them as well...that things will soon begin to resolve themselves.
I pray that God will show His mercy to each of them...as they cope with their most difficult challenges.
You are loved son...and very missed...as I carry you close in my thoughts...and in my heart.
God bless you Sal. You are in my prayers...always.
Mom
February 27, 2022
Dear Sal...We just got back from our Sunday visit... to your sister´s house...where we were given very surprising but wonderful news.
Your Godchild S is expecting a baby girl in August. So your sister will be getting ready...for another baby shower in May...after just having one for your older niece at the end of this past January.
C has been up in NY this past month...helping V & Z with Xander...and now she'll get to do it all over again...down here with S & A.
It will be really nice to have the two little cousins just six months apart...and for C & S to once more become grandparents...to both a grandson and a granddaughter.
We also have an upcoming wedding in September ...when your second sister´s son...your nephew M ...plans to be married.
Don´t think either of his two cousins...will be able to make the wedding...given the time crunch...but I´m sure everyone involved will understand and appreciate the reasons why.
I only hope...that you do know...how our family is growing and changing...and how very much I wish you were here with us...to share in these happy life changing events...that are both blessings and joys.
God bless you as you keep watch over everyone in our family...especially the newest addition...and the expected one.
My prayers too are for the valiant families in the Ukraine...who are fighting to keep their homeland free. God protect them.
You are loved son...thought about... and so very missed. You are in my prayers always.
Mom
February 24, 2022
Dear Son...It's now the "16 Years and One Month Remembrance Day"...since the world as our family knew it...was turned upside down for all of us... because of what they caused to happen to you. Living as we did before..is no longer possible...as our lives were...and remain forever changed...by your loss to our family.
Over these years...our family has seen so many "life events" realized...by both your nieces and your nephews. Life does go on...at least for this next generation...and while I am happy see each of them reach these milestone occasions...I am also saddened that you are not here with us...to also be a part of their proud moments. I can only hope that somehow...you are aware of all the good things that are taking place in their lives...as our family continues to deal with...what should have never been...our "forever changed" lives.
Worldwide...others lives will also become forever changed...as the news continues to be worrisome. The Russian military invaded and are attacking the Ukraine. News reports are calling this horrific undertaking...the darkest hour for Europe since WW II. A sovereign country has been invaded by a nuclear power...that then put the US and NATO on notice...to not interfere with their tyrannical plan... to increase their Russian Empire. It cannot end well...and I feel for those families...who will lose loved ones...as they try to defend their beloved homeland. God help them...as I pray I that I will be wrong.
God Bless you son...as you keep watching over our family. May each of them be kept healthy, safe and out of harm´s way.
Sal, I miss you each and every day...as I hold you close in my thoughts...and in my heart. You are not forgotten...and you are in my prayers always.
Mom
February 14, 2022
My Dear Salvatore,
I should have left this reflection a few days ago... ago...but so much has happened since Grandma M´s passing on Jan. 23...and the marking of the 16th Year Remembrance Day on Jan 24th...of your tragic loss to our family...that I am only now beginning to collect my thoughts.
Grandma M´s wake and funeral mass were on Jan. 31 and Feb. 1. Dad, Chris and I drove up to NJ on Monday...expecting Chris to do all of the driving... but then Dad insisted that he could and should make the drive...so he did. C & S went via NY so they could pick up V & Z to attend the wake.
As it turned out V wasn't feeling well...so she and Zach didn´t get picked up...and things got even more hectic from there.
In less than a week...we lived the full life cycle of...the Alpha and the Omega...albeit in reverse.
At the Funeral mass for Grandma on Tuesday, Dad sang the Ava Maria and gave the Eulogy. Both Cousin Roseann...and Chris...did readings from the altar. Dad, Chris, Steve, Cuz´ Anthony, Uncle Ken, Brad and Grady were the pall bearers.
Aunt Jo and Uncle Ken had shouldered the full responsibility for all of Grandma´s care and needs over these last 20+ years of her illness. We in VA were of little to no help...as distance was a factor. So we were more than grateful and appreciative... of all that your Aunt and Uncle had to sacrifice in that undertaking for all those years.
After the mass...we all went to the burial...and then to the repast with Aunt Jo's family. We went back to VA on Tues. evening...and got home a little after C & S did.
However...they did a turnaround...and had to go back up to NY the next day...as Vic still wasn't feeling well...and wound up in the hospital on Wednesday...in an effort to squelch what was happening to her...which was a bit too early. She ended up giving birth on Friday, Feb. 4th...in what was called a late-term premature delivery. She wasn´t due until March 12...but because she wasn't able to hold anything down...she became very dehydrated...and that set into motion a number of other things...that weren´t able to be reversed...so that she could be sent home on bed rest for the remaining time. Nature has a mind of its own. She was there for 7 days...and went through more than a first time Mom...should have experienced.
Didn´t mean to digress .
Sal, I hope you can know how much you are being thought about...as I wish you a very blessed St. Valentine´s Day.
I pray you will be keeping close watch over the newest addition to our family...who was just born ten days ago...to the same niece who made you an "Uncle" for the first time...and has now made you a "GRAND Uncle" to her 'new little son.' He was 5 weeks early...and he weighed 5 lbs 7 oz.
She and her husband...throughout her pregnancy ...were finding it difficult to choose a name they could both agree on...so the baby was nameless for several days even after he was born. Granted they thought they still had another month to come up with one...but then "coming earlier" than they were expecting...threw them into a tizzy.
In our tradition...it is customary to name a baby boy after his paternal grandfather...although I didn´t do that with you. I had a promise to keep.
When my family suffered the unexpected... and untimely loss of my wonderful brother...I was still a carefree teenager...but that July 6th day....in '61 changed everything...not only for my parents...but for my sister and I as well. We were all devastated and forever changed by what happened. I made a promise then...that if I ever had a son...I would name him after my brother...and I did...when I named you Salvatore.
I wanted to keep his memory alive...and so I made sure to tell your sisters, you and your brother everything about him...and what a great guy he was. Even my grandchildren know the stories about my brother.
When we lost you...your nieces were 14, 10, and 5...and your two nephews were 7 and 6. The older two may have their own personal memories of you...but not sure what the younger ones can remember. You never got to meet your last niece and nephew...but they too know about you...their Uncle Sal...who is their Mom's brother.
I've made sure that neither of my very loved and very missed Sals' will be forgotten.
In light of that...because it is customary in the faith of her husband...to give a middle name to a baby...starting with the same letter...as the first name of a loved one...who has been called back home to God...she phoned me on face time...to tell me that in your memory...she wanted to pick a middle name for her son...that started with the letter S for you...her Uncle Sal. She was in tears because her Mom told her not to do that...but she wanted to.
I felt torn and also badly...because what her Mom told her was because of me. I had always thought Salvatore was a beautiful name...but a couple of years ago...in one of my more reflective moments ...I started to think back... about all the Salvatore's I had known...and at least five of them passed at young ages...and in life...they undeservedly also received a bad hand. So I told your sister back then...that I was beginning to view the name Salvatore as maybe...a hard luck name. Not a thought our faith would support...but then again... I don't know what to think anymore...about a lot of things I see...that seem senseless and unfair. I only hope I didn´t speak in haste then.
I told Vic what I had expressed to her Mom way back when...and that I understood her heart and her intention...and that I was touched by her love, sincerity and desire to honor you in that way...and didn´t want her to feel badly about what she was told by her Mom.
She looked sad...but said, well...then I´m going to use a D for my husband's Aunt. I had met her at V´s bridal shower and again at the wedding...and she was a very sweet person. Her name was Debbie...and she had recently passed away. She was also her mother-in-law´s only sister. Because that side of his family...all came from Dayton, Ohio...their little boy finally was given his first and middle name..
So we now have Alexander Dayton. They want to call him Xander for short.
Because she was still looking upset to me...in an effort to make her smile...I said I was glad the name didn´t start with a C...and that they weren´t from TN...because Chattanooga would be a bridge too far. She smiled and gave me one of her looks ...and that is all I wanted from her...just a little smile.
He is a beautiful and lucky little guy to have her and Zach...for his Mommy and Daddy...and he couldn´t have asked for a better foursome...to have as his Grandparents.
God bless you son...as you keep watch over our family. Esp A "X" DG.
You will not be...nor are you...forgotten.
I love you sweetheart...and wish you could have been here with us...to see how our family has grown.
I miss you each and every day...and you are in my prayers...always
E. Laura
January 25, 2022
Thoughts, prayers, & blessings always ~ for a beautiful soul ~ Dr. Salvatore Culosi ... and for his mom, Anita ... his dad, Sal ... his family, & so many near & dear to Sal. He touched so many lives during his very short time on earth ... it was a life taken `much too soon.´
Sal, Anita, & Family ... `your son will never be forgotten´ ... his life on earth shined much too bright.
Mom
January 24, 2022
Dear Sal...To mark this "16th Year Remembrance Day"...of what remains a heartbreaking loss to our family...I will make a visit to Church...and the St. Joseph statue...in your behalf. Afterwards, I will go and pick up the floral arrangement that I had ordered on Friday...and take it to your resting place.
We usually go to your sister´s after our Sunday visit to you...and yesterday was no exception. We weren´t there long...when Dad got a phone call from his sister...telling us that Grandma M had just passed away. She hasn´t been doing well recently...but we were still hoping she'd get to her 102nd birthday on Feb. 7th. Uncle Sal, who passed away on Jan 10...was the youngest...and last of her remaining brothers...at six years her junior. He was also born on Feb 7th. The last time we saw him...was at Grandma M´s 100th birthday in 2020...when he turned 94. Now, his oldest sister has joined him...and for us...this marks the end of that generation of "Q" relatives. We know that we were fortunate...to have such longevity on Dad´s side of the family...for as long as we did...and they all will be missed. Hopefully they all are together now...resting peacefully in God's perpetual light.
I hope and pray that you are in the company of both sides of our extended family...in that better place...happy and at peace too.
Son, this is no longer the same world you were raised in. You would not recognize what our country has become...nor what our society has turned into...over these last 16 years.
Every time I turn on the news...there are reports about another family being forever changed...as a result of the actions taken by some evil or crazed
and mentally ill person...who has taken the life of their loved one. I hear these accounts...and I am disgusted...because in too many of our cities and states...random killings are a daily occurrence.
We've people in positions of authority who seem to care more about the rights of these criminal types...than they do about their victims. It is an upside down world...with few if any consequences for those abusing any rule of law and order...and common sense approaches to stem the violence... are no longer considered. It´s like we are going backwards in time. People are shooting guns in the streets...robbing people on their way to work.. looting stores and walking away with all kinds of merchandise...without anyone to stop them. They are also pushing people off train platforms and onto the train tracks...beating and attacking any person they come across...as they are just walking to work...or waiting for a bus...knocking down and destroying statues of past historical figures...in attempting to erase our history...rather than learning from it...robbing freight trains...on and on...it´s a hi tech, current day Wild West. We may also be on the brink of a major confrontation with an old enemy...and Lord knows how that will go.
None of what is going on...or any of these liberal attitudes...is for the better...in fact, we all are less safe.
I can only hope and pray...that as you continue to watch over your sisters, their families...and your brother...that they will be kept safe...and out of harm´s way. God bless you too son...as you watch over Dad.
You are loved Sal...and very missed...as I carry you in my thoughts each and every day. As always too...Mr. & Mrs. C...sent us an email earlier...to let us know that they were also thinking of You, Us and what happened on this day. You and this day are not forgotten by them...and I find your being remembered...a source of comfort. Another friend, whose family also knows a "new normal" owing to the loss of his police officer son...has also been kind over these years...in remembering both your loss and my brother's. May God bless both the C's and Mr. G for their compassion and caring.
Salvatore, I love you and I hold you close in my heart...and you are always in my prayers.
Bob Gordon
January 21, 2022
Thinking of you this week as that horrible day arrives again. Please keep watch over your Mom and family. Your Mom is the foundation of your family and needs your strength. You will never be forgotten by those that love you.
Mom
January 1, 2022
Dear Son...Today...is the beginning of another year...as I wish you a Blessed and Happy 2022.
We had a quiet New Year´s Eve. Our family was scattered in five different locations. Covid concerns became the issue...so we either zoomed or had to phone in our wishes to one another...for a better year ahead for all.
Lord knows the one we were saying good bye to...was a hot mess. With any luck...maybe this next year´s holidays...will allow us to celebrate them in a more normal setting.
God Bless you Sal...as you keep watching over our family.
I love you...I hold you close in my thoughts...I miss you beyond words...and you are in my prayers always.
Mom
December 25, 2021
Dear Sal...It´s now Christmas Day...so I hope you are having a very Blessed one...as I wish you A Very Merry Christmas.
Prior to Christmas 2006...I bought a small tree... decorated with tiny ornaments...for you to have at your resting place.
I brought it to you...for the first time...on Dec. 25, 2006 and took it down on Jan. 6, 2007...which was and is...the time frame...that spans the 12 days of Christmas.
In what was to become the "new normal" for us... because of what they caused to happen to you... and our family...I just couldn´t think of your not being here with us...to be a part of our family at Christmas...so that tree allowed me to...in some grieving way...to keep you a part...of our family´s marking...and celebration of Christmas.
I have kept that same tree all these years...and every Christmas since then...I bring it to you on Christmas Day...and remove it on Jan 6th...the Feast Day of the Epiphany...or as some cultures call it Little Christmas.
Growing up...I remember Nan always putting our tree up on Christmas Eve...and taking it down on Jan 6...so doing that same thing...was something that became a part of what I did too...when you kids were small. It may sound crazy...and even though I always carry you close...in my heart...and in my thoughts...it´s become my tangible connect ...for keeping you present with us...my "knowing" you have a tree...at this time of year...somehow helps.
This was indeed a strange Christmas...one of your nieces was home with her husband...both under the weather...so they couldn´t be with the rest of their family...Dad and I were home...with your brother...and Cyn was home with her children... and all of these separations...were thanks to the issues caused by Covid. Not a holiday I want to see repeated in this way ever again.
I love you son...and you know how very much I miss you.
God bless you Salvatore...as you keep close watch over your sisters...their families...your brother... and Dad.
You are in my prayers...always.
Mom
December 24, 2021
Dear Son...It´s now the 15th Year and 11 Months Remembrance Day...that is marking this 2021 Christmas Eve.
We just got back from the 5 pm mass...where we met Vic, Zach and Jen...but of course...we were at the specified observance re distancing.
It´s a weird holiday for most everyone. The new Covid variant is quite contagious...although not as deadly for most that get it. Flights and travelling are effected...and while people may get to go... wherever...they may not be able to get back. Stef and Alec are dealing with Covid now...so they are homebound...and the gathering at your sister's... has dwindled down to five.
Dad made a few pizzas since Vic had a craving... but if not for that...I don´t think he would have made any. He is slowing down and doesn´t have the energy to be bothered. The joy we once felt at this time of year...is now gone...for a host of reasons...and the traditions we once held near and dear...have fallen by the wayside. It's like Gramps would say...everything comes to an end.
I had asked Cyn to come for Christmas Dinner on Saturday...with her family...but then I had to cancel it...because your brother had been in the company of a few friends...who recently told him that they tested positive for Covid...and although he has thus far tested negative...it can take two to three days to show signs of being infected...and we just don´t want to risk...exposing anyone else... if he should test POS. in the next few days.
With both C's issues and V´s expecting...we all thought it best to ZOOM Christmas...from three different locations...if need be.
Life for everyone is very changed...and none of it for the better.
Tomorrow when we visit your resting place...I will remove the Advent wreath and candles...and replace it with the same Christmas tree...that I first brought to you...on Dec. 25, 2006.
Sal...these holidays are tough to get through...ever since what happened to you...it has just become... every year...from Oct into January...a season of sadness...for me.
God bless you Sal...for watching over our family.
I love you...I miss you...and I do hope and pray... that you are happy and at peace.
You are in my prayers...always.
Mom
December 17, 2021
Dear Salvatore...Today would have been your 53rd Birthday...and I pray that you are at peace and happy. I'd like to believe that you are able to celebrate this day...in the company of my Brother, Nan, both of your Grandfathers, and other loved family members...as well as your friends...who were also called back home to God...some much too soon...and much too young. God bless you Son...and each of them.
I can only imagine...how much could have transpired for you...in all these years. Likely, a marriage, children, and the rewards provided to you...by your chosen profession...and on and on.
It breaks my heart...that all of this time...was stolen from you...as well as from us...and because of them...you didn´t get to live your hopes and dreams...for that bright future...you had planned for...and so deserved to have.
I attended the Noon mass today...in your behalf. The Gospel was about Jesus´ genealogy...on this Friday in third week of Advent. There sets of Fourteen generations of names...were read aloud.
Don't know how many generations we can go back...but we do have longevity...as Grandma M will be...God willing...102 on her next birthday... and considering...that both your Grandfathers' were into their 90´s...before being called back to God...by all accounts...you too would have had..so many more years...ahead of you...in which to enjoy and live your life.
My hope and prayer for you...ever since we´ve been made to bear this "new normal"...which should have never been...is that you are resting peacefully...and that you are happy. I am also relying on God´s promise...of...the day when He will reunite us...with all of our loved ones...who have been called back home by Him.
Sal, God bless you...as you keep a special watch... over both your sisters' and their families...your brother...and Dad. You know what my concerns are...for each of them...so...please keep a very close watch on them.
I wish...as I have wished every year...for the past 16 years...that you could have been here with us...to celebrate your day.
I do wish you...A Very Blessed and Happy Birthday Sal.
I love you son...and I miss you beyond words...as I carry you close...in my heart...in my thoughts...and in my prayers...always.
Mom
November 25, 2021
Dear Son...Today I will be counting my blessings... thanking God for each of my children and my grandchildren.
I am also grateful for my extended family and all my dear friends.
God, bless my family...and friends...and keep them safe and out of harm's way...as we are all living in a very mixed-up country and a crazy world.
Wishing you a Blessed Thanksgiving Day Sal...and wishing even more...that you were here with us.
All my love...and with my prayers always.
Mom
November 24, 2021
Dear Sal...Today is Thanksgiving Eve...and....it is also...the "15 Years and 10 Months Remembrance Day"...of your loss to our family.
I just got through prepping some foods for tomorrow´s Thanksgiving dinner...and before the night gets away from me...I want you to know how much you will be missed at our family dinner table.
I love you son...and I miss you each and every day.
God bless you... as you keep watch over your sisters and their families...your brother...and Dad.
You are in my thoughts each day...and in my prayers always.
Mom
October 24, 2021
Dear Salvatore...It is once more...another lovely Fall day...that is now marking this..."15 Years and 9 Months Remembrance Day."
Each one of these past 189 Months...has been counted by me...either in moments, hours, days, and weeks; adding up to the months and years... that I have missed you...and will continue to miss you...and grieve your loss...until that time...when we can be together again.
This season...always ushers in...the most dreaded time of year for me...as each day...causes me to think back...on what they led to...and culminated in...because of them.
All the "lasts"...for the things you most enjoyed... during this time of year...in addition to the family being together...for the upcoming holidays...which sadly...aren't the same as they once were...now spark my memories of..."the last time"...I heard your voice...saw you...and had ALL my children... around the dinner table...laughing and enjoying each other´s company. This "new normal" we have been living...is anything but...instead...it is an unbearable heartache.
Outliving your child...is a parent´s worst fear...and in this crazy world...there are far too many of us...who have come to know this. I can only pray that His promises to us...of being reunited with our loved ones...will one day be kept.
We went to mass this morning...and then drove to your sister´s house...where Dad likes to have his breakfast...on Sundays. I keep telling him to cut them a break...it´s not a contract that he has to fulfill. There is a fine line between being a guest... and a pest...and I´m sure he has caused us to cross that line...many times over.
V was in from NY this weekend...so we were invited to a family dinner...and board games on Friday night. She is starting to show a little...and is still having some morning sickness...actually it´s throughout the day sickness...although she said the Rx...given to her...to help in minimizing her upset...is beginning to work.
Cyn and her family are going through very dire circumstances right now...so I hope and pray... "Please God"...allow things...to soon take a more positive turn.
Son...Keep close watch over your sisters´...and their families...esp now. Remember your brother too...as well as Dad...and as for me...I need to develop the "patience" skills...I seem to be lacking.
As usual, I left flowers at the statue...and also at your resting place...when I visited you today.
I love you Sal...and you are in my thoughts...each and every day...and in my prayers...always.
Mom
September 24, 2021
Dear Salvatore...It is a beautiful Fall day...that marks this "15 Years and 8 Months Remembrance Day."
It´s once again, the season that was your favorite time of year...yet it´s the one that gets me down the most... because I know how much it meant to you. Who could have thought...that all the things you looked forward to...as the weather cooled...stadiums filled... leaves turned those beautiful colors...and all the upcoming holidays...that were being anticipated by you...somehow would become...the beginning of the end.
You enjoyed it all so much...but it was stolen from you...by them...for no good reason...and because of that injustice...what´s stored in my head...continues to break my heart.
I just got back from visiting you at your resting place... and while there I ran into J who was paying a visit to her little girl R. I commented on the sky being such a beautiful blue...with not a cloud to be seen...and that I thought it was a perfect day...that the two of you should have been experiencing.
I said to J..."we can only hope...that in that better place...it is even more beautiful and perfect...and that each of you are happy...and at peace." She smiled in agreement...but as parents...our hearts say that our children should still have been here...with us...and able to live out their life. I only hope...as I´m sure she does too...that one day we all will be together again.
God bless you Sal...as you keep watching over our family...especially your nieces and nephews. They are at the beginning of their adult lives...and I pray that in these crazy times...they remain healthy...safe...and are kept out of harm´s way.
I love you son...and I carry you close in my thoughts... and in my heart...each and every day.
I miss you beyond words...and you are in my prayers always.
Mom
September 11, 2021
Dear Son...I watched the entire coverage...of the 20 Year Remembrance Ceremony of 9/11 today...in honor all those who perished on that day in 2001.
I was in tears as the pictures and ages of those lost... were being shown in the lower part of the TV screen ...as their names were also being read aloud. The list of names was alphabetized...and the two readers assigned to each list...alternated the reading of the 40 to 50 names...that appeared on their monitor. As each list would near the end...both readers had the opportunity...to say the name of their lost family member last...and offer a reflection about their loved one. It was very moving...and lent insight into who these lost loved ones were. They ranged in age from the unborn...to 70 plus.
I felt a sense of duty...to look at each face...of those whose names were being read...because I wanted to honor their memory...for what they were made to sacrifice...on that day...and they deserve to be remembered...and what happened to them...and our country...should never be forgotten.
There was also interim music played...or a song sung...that was appropriate to the occasion. A bell was rung...for a moment of silence...marking each time...of that day...when a plane had hit either tower ...or the Pentagon...or the towers fell...or the plane crashed in Shanksville. The actual memories of that NY day...are very vivid to me.
I can so relate to all those families who lost their loved ones...in such an unexpected and tragic way... and who remain as heartbroken today...these many years later...as they became...on that Tuesday, Sept 11, 2001...when evil struck our country.
Former Pres Bush was in Shanksville, PA...and gave an inspiring and poignant reflection...to honor those on Flight 93 who rose up...after taking a vote...to challenge and fight the terrorists...in order to regain control of their plane...hoping to thwart the terrorists' plan...to fly that plane into the Capitol. They all sacrificed their lives...in order to save many others from being targeted.
Courageous, heroic...and selfless...each of those passengers and crew...giving their lives...and showing the greatest love anyone can...by laying down his/her life...so others may live. God bless their souls!
Our country was united on that day as one...all proud Americans...and for the past 20 years...thanks to all those patriotic young people...who volunteered to serve in the military...to fight terrorism...we were kept safe from attacks...by those who want to destroy us... and our American way of life.
Sal you wouldn´t believe what is currently going on... ...we are not looked up to the way we once were...and it is evil in its purest form...that wants to upend our country.
I miss you and love you son...just like all those other families miss and love their family members...who were also stolen from their lives...on that fateful day.
May you...and each of those souls...rest peacefully in God´s perpetual light...until we...and their families too...can be together again.
God bless you Sal...as you keep watch over your sisters´ and their families...your brother...and Dad.
I do have one bit of good news...before I close. Your niece V...who made you an Uncle for the first time...is now going to make your sister a Grandmother...and you a Grand-Uncle. She and her husband are expecting in March. Please keep close watch over her.
I carry you close in my thoughts and in my heart... each and every day.
You are in my prayers...always.
Mom
August 24, 2021
Dear Son...Today, another of our Tuesday's...marks this "15th Year and 7 Months Remembrance Day"...of what should have never happened. Additionally it's also Dad´s birthday...his last one as a septuagenarian.
Con had us at her home...for a birthday dinner for him last Friday...four days short of this actual day...so that at least two of the grandchildren could be with us. Your Godchild and her husband...and your niece J...before having to leave for her junior year at UVA on Saturday...were able to be with us...along with your sister and brother-in-law. Your other sister...was preparing to go to...the Franciscan University of Steubenville, Ohio...where her daughter is enrolled...in this year's freshman class. So many milestones...over these many years...that you should...and could have been here for...but for them.
It is extremely hot today and very humid...as it has been for the last week or so. We´ve had torrential rains...and thunderstorms every PM...and parts of our country...in particular TN...have been hit very hard...with life threatening flooding.
In addition to the weather...our country is in a mess. The powers that be...have screwed things up royally. Our fellow Americans.. and many of their Afghanistan interpreters...who served with them over the last 20 yrs...after we were attacked on 9/11...and sent our troops there...to seek out the terrorists hiding in their country...are all now...sadly, in very dire straits.
It looks like the current admin...is going to leave behind...a good number of our fellow citizens...and those who helped them. They are on their own...to try and get themselves safely...to the only airport we have control of...and because the Taliban is in charge...of the checkpoints en route...and are either turning them back...or ripping up their passports...or beating them...it may be an objective they cannot meet. With an Aug 31 deadline for getting to the airport...some may be left...with no way out.
It was a badly bungled withdrawal...that took our troops out first...instead of getting our American citizens out first...and those who helped them. Our tax payer funded...military war equipment...should also have been considered...and not be allowed to fall into the hands of the enemy...who want to destroy our country and way of life. The military troops should have been withdrawn last. But that is not what happened.
We are looking spineless and are being disgraced on so many fronts...that even our allies are calling us out...and rightfully so. It is a very sad day...for the America you once knew.
The people of Afghanistan...in particular the females...have experienced relative freedoms...over the 20 years US and NATO forces have been there. They were allowed to go to school...and to pursue higher education. Women held professional positions outside of the home. But now...as we are leaving...and the way in which it's been done...has allowed the Taliban to take over again...call the shots...and be in charge...so for females...this all will come to an end...and cause an extremely difficult set of circumstances...for so many.
I pray that we will be able...to get all of our fellow Americans back to the US...and those who helped us too...safely and soon.
But because we don´t have strong leadership...I fear that it will not happen. If we can´t or won´t even try to turn this around... we will never again be trusted...by those we consider allies...and our position as a world power...will be threatened. It will then take our country years to recover from this.
Between the Covid rules and mandates...our southern border being overrun by illegal aliens...our economic and inflation woes ...arrested criminals being allowed back out on the street...no bail...no consequences...to commit more crimes...of all kinds in our cities...it´s bedlam...and both parties are voicing their anger.. and are appalled by this very latest catastrophe. God help us.
I don´t know if those who voted for this president...are having "buyer´s remorse"...but it makes no difference...as we all will suffer the consequences of his inability to lead.
Despite all that is being broadcast on the news channels...I am going to ask Dad...to blow out the candles on his choice...lemon meringue pie...and make a wish...and I only hope he makes an encompassing one...and that it comes true.
I love you son...I miss you...and I thank you...for keeping watch over our family.
God bless you Sal...and know that you are in my thoughts...each and every day.
You are in my prayers...always.
Mom
July 24, 2021
Dear Son...
Today marks the 15th Year and 6 Months Remembrance Day...of our family´s "new normal"...
because of what "they" unjustly caused to happen to you.
Your niece who was just 5 ½ years old...and in pre-school...when you were stolen from your life and ours...just turned 21 yesterday...and is now a rising junior...in the Engineering school...at the University of VA...which was your Alma Mater...as well as that of her parents...and her two sisters.
So much time has passed...and in that time there have been so many family occasions..."milestone ones"...that you would and should have been a part of...but because of their deplorable policies and protocols...along with the reprehensible excessive use of force tactics...that they chose to use...we all were robbed of the joys...those years and occasions would...could...and should have been...if only you were here...to share in them with us.
You were home on the day...that your sister...on her way home from the hospital...with her new baby daughter...had your brother-in-law...pull into our driveway...so you could see your new niece. You got into the back seat of their car...and I took a photo of you...looking in awe at J in her car seat...and your facial expression was priceless...as you looked at me...with your eyes opened wide...because you could not believe how tiny she was. It´s one of my favorite pictures...and with her arrival, you became an uncle to five...three nieces and two nephews. The next ones you got to see were Cyn´s last two. That made it a total of seven...another niece and one more nephew.
They were all so young when we lost you...but the older two were very impacted by what happened. Your Godchild in particular...who was just about ten back then...became fearful of the police...and her parents had to reassure her night after night...that the police wouldn´t be coming to their house...to also harm her and her family.
It was also told to us by J´s preschool teacher...that J wasn´t her once happy little self in class...and when one of her playmates asked J..."why don´t you want to play with me?"....the teacher overheard J say..."I don´t want to play...I´m sad because of what happened to my uncle"...and the other little girl that she had always loved playing with...said..."Oh...well then I´ll sit next to you and be sad with you." Little children...so innocent and instinctively compassionate...they are definitely the best of God´s creations.
I visited your resting place and the St. Joseph statue earlier...leaving flowers at both...in memory of this day. Because it hurts too much...to see your name engraved on that memorial plaque...I only stay just long enough...to say some prayers for you. It is not true...that with "Time" things get easier...or that it heals anything...because it doesn't...and it never will.
We did go out for dinner to celebrate J´s milestone birthday...but not all of our family...was able to be there. V & Z are in NY and C has a badly sprained ankle...and has to be off of it...for another week or so...and then on to PT.
God bless you son...as you keep watch over our family.
Salvatore...you are loved...so very missed...and you are in my thoughts...throughout each and every day...and that is not an exaggeration.
You are in my prayers...always.
Mom
June 24, 2021
Dear Son...Another month has passed...and it's now Fifteen Years and Five Months since your tragic loss to our family...and soon I will be marking the 60th Year Remembrance Day...on July 6th...of my brother's devastating loss too.
I hope someday...that I can accept the answers to the many questions I will be asking...when it's my turn...but knowing me...I doubt that I will be able to.
I just got back from visiting the statue of St. Joseph...in your behalf...and also from your resting place.
Yesterday and today have been beautiful ones weather-wise. They are the kind of days that I know you'd enjoy...but because of "them"...they along with all the seasons...over these many years... have also been stolen from you.
As they all go on with their lives...I wonder if they ever reflect on what they caused to happen to you...and to our family. It's another one of my "I doubt it" thoughts.
Someone placed flowers...which were now wilted...in one of the four vases we purchased from FMP...but three of them...which still haven't been personalized and inscribed with any of our names... sometimes get flowers put into them...that are intended for other people's lost loved ones. While I don't usually mind...this time I tossed the dried out flowers...and when I placed the vase back to its inverted position...it got stuck. Fortunately two groundskeepers were driving by...and they were kind enough to address my issue... when I told them what happened. Maybe if I'd have left the dried flowers alone...it wouldn't have presented a problem...but it did... and now it's resolved.
C is till in NC...but two of her girls and their spouses...are already back at their respective homes. While each got to spend time with their family...there was only a minor overlap when everyone was there as the same time. Thankfully the weather provided some sunny days for each of them...with just a couple of cloudy ones.
Your brother is still rising early and going to work. I'm just happy that his clock may be turning around and that he is up and about in daylight. Just looking for the small pluses...that's me. It also has been feeding his outlook on life...with additional material...which I must admit...I do find amusing...and even funny at times. As always...he still manages to find the humor in everything.
Dad will be joining his WP classmates later...as they get together weekly...to grab a bite and share the friendships...they made so long ago.
Not much more to add...although your oldest nephew called last night to say he wanted to check up on us...after all we are getting older as he pointed out. I know he was being thoughtful...it's the truthful part of his concern...that is the rub.
Keep close watch over your sisters...their families...your brother... and most especially Dad.
God bless you son...as your rest in His perpetual light.
Sal, you are loved...very missed...and you are in my thoughts each and every day. You are in my prayers...always.
Mom
May 24, 2021
Dear Sal...Although this weekend was very warm...it is now a gloomy and rainy Monday...that is marking this...Fifteen Years and Four Months Remembrance Day.
I will go to the florist later this morning...to pick up the monthly floral arrangements...and on the way back...I’ll go to Church to pray in your behalf...and I’ll also stop by the St. Joseph statue...and leave one of the flowers near the plaque...before I visit you at your resting place.
I didn't get to the florist on Saturday...in advance of this day...because we were driving to Front Royal...to attend your youngest niece’s High School graduation...which was a very different experience...from the previous graduations...I had been to for your other three nieces.
Their high school...which you, your two sisters and your brother also went to...always had a very large senior class...so the graduates usually numbered in the hundreds...and because of that large number...the commencement was held each year at...the Basilica of the National Shrine of the Immaculate Conception in DC. Those ceremonies always lasted several hours... due to the reading of the many names...the several speakers who addressed the students and parents...the student Salutatorian and Valedictorian Addresses...and the handing out of Awards and Diplomas.
I really didn’t know what to expect at your youngest niece’s graduation...since there was only going to be six graduates. It was to my surprise a very different...but lovely exercise. Each student was spoken about...in very personal terms...by the faculty...and given token gifts...indicative of their individual spiritual awareness... and academic talents. There were video presentations... via flashback pictures...of each graduate's life...shown on a large screen...and underscored...by a song chosen by the particular student. There was a Commencement Address, Senior Memories, Scholarship Presentations, Awarding of Diplomas and a Benediction. Finished in 90 minutes...a record for a graduation.
I also met two very nice people at the graduation. The man told me...mentioning you by name...that your sister...had told him about what happened to you...and he wanted me to know...how very sorry he was...for the senseless loss...they caused...that took you from your life...and our family. I thanked him...and said whenever I hear someone else...mention my son by his name... especially since it was so unexpected...that it touches me deeply...because it means...he isn't forgotten and instead...he is remembered...and not just by our family. He said...well, having mentioned his name to you...I have a feeling...that Sal is here with us...right now at this graduation...and I so hoped he was right...and that you were.
The best part I've saved til now...and it was right after the Processional...when your niece stood on the stage... and led the singing of the National Anthem...and since she has a really nice voice...she was also asked at the Praise and Worship segment...to play her guitar...and sing a Christian song titled Trenches. She was also the Valedictorian...and graduated Summa Cum Laude. Granted, there were was only 6 in the class...but she did very well for herself...and made us all very proud of her.
I missed a surprise visit...from your friend Steve L and his family...who came by our house...after a memorial service for his father on Saturday...to drop off some pictures of you...that he had...and wanted to give to me. Had I known about the memorial service...and would have been here...we certainly would have attended. Bo had a matter of fact manner...but beneath it...he was a caring and good-hearted individual. God Rest his soul.
As it turned out...we were at the graduation...so he left the pictures for me with Chris. I will get in touch with him so that I can thank him.
Chris started his job today...and I hope all will go well.
God bless you son...as you keep watching over your sisters...their families...your brother...and Dad. Keep a close watch on V...as I worry about her being in New York...with all the craziness that is going on there.
You are loved Salvatore, very missed...and you are in my thoughts...each and every day.
You are in my prayers...always.
Mom
April 24, 2021
Dear Salvatore...I picked up the flowers yesterday...that I brought with me today...to your resting place...but before driving to FMP...I made a visit...first to Church in your memory...and then to the St. Joseph statue ...on this 15 Years and 3 Months Remembrance Day.
Sal you wouldn’t believe what is still going on...even after all these years... with regard to...nationwide police departments...and their officers...who when called upon...are still resorting to...and using excessive use of force policies...which are...and have...resulted in the wrongful taking...of another's life...even when the situation...may not warrant such actions.
Whether it’s due to the vetting...the protocols...the training...or the mere fact that officers are indemnified...which makes them not personally liable...something is sorely awry...because there are far too many lives being lost unjustifiably...at the hands of those...who are sworn to protect and serve...and it may have something to do...with everything I wrote in the first sentence...of this paragraph.
I had been watching...for several weeks...the trial of Minneapolis Police Officer D. Chauvin...who was charged with varying degrees of murder and manslaughter...due to his use of excessive force policies...which resulted in the wrongful death of George Floyd...who was being arrested ...for passing a counterfeit $20 bill in a grocery store. The altercation between him and the police...was captured on video...and was played over and over on the news...and it was oh so wrong...and pitiful to watch.
I wasn’t going to watch the trial...as I felt the charges of wrongful death... and use of excessive force issues...were too close to those...that took you from our family...but because I broke my promise to you then...I made myself watch now...as a way of learning...what might have brought you too...the justice you so deserved.
As we are all God’s children...All Lives Matter...on both sides of our laws... and everyone has the right to their safety...and should expect...to return home to their family...at the end of their day. Everyone!
Unless a person or situation...is violent...and lives are being threatened or put in jeopardy of being taken...only then should extreme force be considered...and while I understand...that split-second decisions have to be made...in such moments...the sanctity of life...also needs to be taken into account...and respected and protected too.
Recently, as more officer body cams are in use...and citizens are using cell phones to record incidents...there is no longer...on the part of an officer in particular...the ability for him or anyone else...to deny what actually took place...on either side...when a situation goes tragically wrong...and sadly...there have been a number of questionable...police interactions...recently...that have led to killings...and then to civil lawsuits being filed...by victim families who have lost loved ones...either due to mistakes or errors in judgment...on the part of some leo’s.
Unlike our own heartache...in having you unjustifiably stolen from us...so long ago...because of the FCPD policies...protocols...and procedures...to also include the poor training of their officers...and their senseless plan... that put you at risk...and in harm’s way...with no margin for errors...which then cost you and our family...your life...it was then told to us...in the midst of our tragic and heartbreaking loss...that civilized norms...so to speak...win the day...and you don’t fight a case in the paper...instead, you file a lawsuit...naming those at fault...and you go to court...to pursue the transparency...accountability...consequences for actions...as well as preventive changes...and the justice that is owed...to your loved one.
Times have changed however...and since we all know that timing is everything...so has that viewpoint changed. Police officers are no longer viewed as being above the law...or difficult to get a jury to go against... when in fact...it may be warranted.
Families who have lost a loved one...as a result of police incidents now... are taking to the streets...in large numbers...to protest...some peacefully ...which is their right...while others...agitators it appears...in ill-intentioned numbers...are using these particular circumstances...as an excuse...to disrupt our way of life...and advance their own agenda..which is to upend the freedoms we currently have...and they do this by rioting...looting... shooting weapons...throwing bottles and incendiary devices at officers... in trying to hurt them...and even want them defunded...and done away with...while they in turn burn down...and destroy businesses...in those very neighborhoods and communities...where those victim families live ...and are the very ones...in most need of the police in their communities ...to assure their safety and protection.
These dissenters do all of this...in the hopes of seeing the changes they envision for our America. I pray that THEY do no succeed.
Sadly...I don’t believe the peaceful protests...did as much to garner the attention of those in a position to address their grievances...as did...the acts of those who merely sought to riot. It’s a most unfortunate time we are living in...when it takes evil acts...to get the attention...and the results ...that elude those people...who are law abiding citizens...seeking the same deserved answers and results.
It was more than a year...before we were even able...to learn the name of the officer...who caused our grief...and that was because...until a lawsuit is filed...there would be no information given to us...from the FCPD. Preliminary courses of action...i.e., such as investigations... Mr. Horan’s decision on whether or not to convene a grand jury...FBI involvement while looking into civil rights violations in your behalf...and on and on...all took time...causing our lawsuit to be delayed...until such time that we were finally able...to file it.
Currently...the mass media coverage of these incidents...are non-stop... and public sentiment in general...has built to the point...that most everyone...is disgusted by what is happening all too often...and as they say...since the squeaky wheel gets the oil...and again because timing is everything...IT IS high time...that something must be done to right the wrongs...on both sides of these problems...and all too frequent incidents.
The once held opinion...that you won’t prevail...when going up against a police department or officer...is no longer the norm. I think that is a good thing...while recognizing too...that there are good...and bad people in all walks of life...and having been on both sides of the aisle...I am also remembering...what an honorable and respected trooper...my brother was...as we heard nothing but accolades about him...from his fellow troopers...as well as the townspeople he served and protected...and who all made the effort to attend his funeral...and wanted our family to know...that he would not be forgotten by them.
I hope those few bad apples...in some police depts...are found out...and let go.
I learned quite a lot by listening to the eye witnesses... and then the experts that were to give their testimony in their chosen fields...and who were called upon by both sides...and then cross-examined...in addition to the ranking police department officers...addressing their police practices...which now will be scrutinized as NOT the best practices...and about both lawyers...who were charged with either prosecuting or defending the accused...and finally the judge...who is the instructor to the jurors...and facilitator...who kept the case moving forward.
It was hard to listen to some of the expert testimony... as I can recall what similar experts...found to be the discrepancies...in the officer’s account of what happened...in our own case.
We are now living in a green and liberal society...and are among those who consider themselves woke...while they want to get rid of our police ...dislike our America...and most of our conservative people...and want it all to be changed into some socialist disaster...while we are being led by a president...who is cognitively impaired...and that’s not even mentioning the craze over the climate.
This is not a time you would recognize Sal...as ever being able to happen here.
I love you Son...and I thank you for keeping watch over our family.
God bless You...as You rest in His Peace.
You are loved...missed beyond words...and not forgotten...as I hold you close in my thoughts...and in my heart...each and every day...and you are in my prayers...always.
Mom
April 5, 2021
Dear Salvatore...We are going to the 12:30 Easter Mass today...and will be joined by...one of your married nieces and her husband...as well as her youngest sister.
I actually was up so late last night...that I saw the televised Easter Mass... from St. Peter’s Basilica...in the very wee hours of the AM. The Pope isn’t looking too well...rather frail to say the least. I don’t know if he is ill... exhausted or just has aged a lot...since the last time I saw him on TV.
We spent today with your sister and her family. Con and Steve always go above and beyond...expending a lot of time and energy...to be wonderful hosts...and today proved it once again. Everything was delicious...most plentiful...and the company was good to be with. Chris came too...and except for the absence of your other sister and her children...it was as pleasant as it could be. Of course...you are always thought about by us...and on family occasions...in particular...you are very missed...and have been ever since...that terrible day...when you were stolen from your life...and ours...because of them.
I have been watching the Floyd trial this past week...and many of the topics that are being addressed...ring too close to home. I find the network trial correspondents...and what they have to say...along with the cross examinations of witnesses...and input from police department superiors...with their own insights...most upsetting...as there are a number of parallels...re excessive use of force issues...and while they cite words like proportionality to an incident...and the options of continuums ...whatever that is supposed to mean...re the de-escalating of situations ...as well problems with Police Department policies...protocols...training.. procedures...etc...all added to my own arsenal...of what causes and has caused...lives to be taken unjustifiably...resulting in wrongful deaths... much too much...for me to digest and reconcile.
I still cannot forgive myself...and you know I never will...for not being able...to keep the promise I made to you...about seeing that veteran officer in court...and being held accountable for what he did.
I guess timing is everything...and because times have changed...it’s my opinion now...as it was then...and remains...that what happened to you...and our family...not only should not have happened...but would have resulted in a much different outcome...in today’s climate.
I only meant to Wish you a Very Blessed Easter...and here I go once more ...back to square one.
Sal...keep watching over your sisters...their families...your brother...and Dad.
God bless you son...as you rest in His eternal peace.
You are loved...so very missed...and you are in my prayers...always.
Mom
March 28, 2021
Dear Sal...Today is Palm Sunday...and although I wanted to attend mass in person...to offer my intentions for you...I decided instead to watch it streamed on line...since I’m still a bit under the weather...but Dad went to mass...and I’m sure he received and offered his communion...in remembering everyone in our family.
When he came home...he sat down to make his yearly braided palm crosses. I took one of the smaller ones...and placed in among the flowers...at your resting place. He also taped one...from him...right above your name plate
Before I went back to the car...I picked up from the ground...several artificial flowers...that were evidently blown out of their vases...and returned them...to where I thought...they may have come from. I guess the wind did a number on them...as it is a very grey, rainy and windy Sunday.
God bless you Salvatore...as you continue to watch over our family.
Not much more to say...except I love you...and miss you...and that I keep you in my prayers...always.
Mom
March 24, 2021
Dear Son...I'm sorry that I wasn’t able to visit you...on March 19th...which was the Feast Day of St. Joseph...as well as your name day.
I have been dealing with vertigo...for the last several days...from out of nowhere...and since I am still feeling somewhat lightheaded...I had Dad drive me to the florist earlier...to pick up the flower arrangements...that will mark today’s “15 Years and 2 Months Remembrance Day”...of your loss to our family. I didn’t want to miss another visit to you...so Dad drove me to your resting place too.
I placed the usual floral arrangement near your vase...and I took the other one...that included a Lily too...in honor of St. Joseph...and placed it at the St. Joseph Statue.
Yesterday was the 34th Year Remembrance Day...of Nan’s being called back home by God. I hope that she is with You...Uncle Sal...and Gramps ...and that you all are at peace...and happily reunited.
Last week I received a letter from DJO...informing me that a donation to the Knight Fund...was made in your honor...by your high school friend and classmate...Mike Fisher.
I then called the DJO Director of Advancement...to ask if I could get his address...so that I could thank him personally. She said she would ask his permission...and get back to me. Not only did he give her his address...phone number and email...he said he would very much like to hear from me. I was in the middle of putting together some photos from the Prom...to send to him...along with a letter...since you...he...and both your dates...attended the Senior Prom together. I have to get back to doing that...as soon as I feel a little better.
I remember him as a nice young man...as well as a good friend of yours back then. I think the last time I may have seen him...was at a class of ’87 reunion...that we were invited to...which may have been the 20th reunion...shortly after your tragic loss.
It was very thoughtful and kind of Mike to remember you...and to honor you in this way...and I am both touched and grateful...to him...for not forgetting you...after all this time.
I love you Sal...I miss you beyond words...and I think of you each and every day.
God bless you...as you watch over our family...as well as your friends.
You are in my prayers always.
Mom
March 19, 2021
My Dear Salvatore JOSEPH...Today is...your “Confirmation” name day...as it is the Feast of St. Joseph...and I pray that you...and my brother...the Salvatore...for whom you were named...and whose middle name is also Joseph...as is Gramps too...all have a Very Blessed Patron saint day.
May God Bless each of you...as you rest in His Perpetual Light.
You all are...loved...very missed...in my thoughts each day...and are in my prayers...always.
Bob Gordon
March 3, 2021
Dear Sal, wanted to stop in and leave a short note to let you know people have not forgotten about you. Your Mom keeps your memory alive. What a beautiful woman. Keep watch over her and your entire family,
Mom
February 24, 2021
Dear Son...After two weeks of terrible and very cold weather...today’s 15 Years and 1 Month Remembrance Day...is marked by sunshine and a temperature of 64 degrees.
I left the usual flowers at the statue...and at your resting place...when I visited you today.
This past Sunday...the 21st of Feb...was the 20th Year Remembrance Day of Gramp’s passing...at the age of ninety-two. I could have never imagined that just five years after we lost him...that we would lose you too.
Your two Grandfathers...both lived long and full lives...sadly Nan was just 73 when she passed...and I say just...because both Aunt C and I...have surpassed that age a while ago. We also just wished Grandma M a Very Blessed Birthday...on Feb 7th...as she just turned 101.
I guess what is making me reflect on this...is the fact that both you and my brother...my two Sal’s...despite the gift of longevity...we had on both sides of our family...never got to experience...all that still may have been...in your futures.
You were each stolen from your lives and ours...much too soon...much too young...and in the most tragic of circumstances...and it breaks my heart...that for all that each of you...did accomplish...is so short of a time...that you weren’t given more years...to enjoy the fruits of your labor...and the blessings of a future...filled with all the good things...that life can hold. It is and was...so unfair.
I saw my parents forever changed...by my brother’s loss...when he was only 29. I feel like I am living first hand...the same changes I saw in them...as a result of your loss to our immediate family too...when you were just 37...and only beginning to be...in the prime of your life.
God forgive me...but none of what took each of my Sal’s’...from our family...should have ever happened...
God, bless my son and my brother...as they rest in Your perpetual light.
I ask each of you...to watch over our family.
You are both loved...very missed...and prayed for always.
Mom
February 14, 2021
Dear Salvatore...I was expecting to attend mass in person today..so that I could offer my communion intentions for you...and our family...as this is Sunday...and also Valentine's Day. Afterwards I was intending to visit you at your resting place.
Unfortunately...although I tried...I wasn't able to walk down the icy driveway...to get to the ice encased car...so I came back in...and instead I watched a streaming mass on my computer. Hopefully I will be able to make a visit to you during the week...weather permitting.
God bless you Sal...as I wish you a very blessed St. Valentine's Day...as you keep watch over your sisters...their families...your brother...and dad.
I love you son...I miss you...and you are in my prayers...always.
Mom
January 24, 2021
Dear Salvatore...When I went to the rectory in mid-2020 ...to schedule today's...Jan. 24, 2021 mass...in your memory...for this “15th Year Remembrance Day”...of your loss to our family...I was told the book for the new year...wasn’t open yet...although I was able to schedule the Dec. 17, 2020 mass for your 52nd birthday.
I was told to come back a bit later...when the 2021 book would be open...and when I did return in the early fall... the 2021 book was opened for scheduling...but it had all the masses for Jan 24th of 2021...already scheduled to be offered for other parishioners.
Rather than get my nose out of joint again...I decided to embrace the Fr. F. explanation once more...re the intrinsic...infinite value...that even a single mass affords.
But that got me to thinking...and in turn...my numbers and counting quirk kicked in too. You know me.
So I considered the well over 238 masses...offered in your memory...thus far...just counting the twelve on the 24th of every month for the last 14 years...in addition to your yearly Birthday over that same time...and all the masses I had scheduled...for other special occasions... also for the past 14 years...like...Easter...All Souls Day... Christmas and New Year’s Day...and while I felt we had a safety net of sorts...due to the many years’ worth...of that “intrinsic and infinite value”...I still wanted to have a mass for you today.
Additionally, I had and have...masses offered for my Brother...Nanny... Gramps E...and Grandpa F...on their Birthdays...Remembrance Days... Mother’s and Father’s Day...as well as their Wedding Anniversaries. That is another combined...112+ masses so...
The donations I offered for each mass...were far and above the customary ones...so I knew it would be a monetary loss...to our parish... once I did decide...that I would curtail my scheduling of masses...going forward...for all but the most special occasions. Nevertheless...in light of my former grievance...that’s what I have done.
My decision may be considered a no sum game...for all involved parties ...and a flaw in my character...to react as I did...to the "not reading aloud" ...of the name of the person...for whom the mass is being offered...and that...in addition to some other peeves I have not let go of...causes me to recognize...thankfully...the importance of Confession...especially for a person like me.
Being a die-hard...I still mentioned my disappointment.. about not being able to have a mass...said for you on this day...to your sister Cyn...and she said she would ask...one of her priest friends...to offer a private mass for you...so she did...and one is being said for you today...even though I can’t attend it in person...as the priest friend resides in the Rochester, NY diocese.
She also sent me a St. Francis de Sales Novena to say... and I have been doing that too...for you...and for the rest of our family. I will also offer my communion today for your intentions...as well as our family's.
I picked up the blue tipped white roses arrangement...from the florist yesterday...and I will take it to your resting place...when I visit you after mass. The monthly single rose...I will leave at the St. Joseph statue...as I usually do.
I wish I would have counted the roses...while still at the florist...because I had asked for the arrangement...to be made...like the one from last year...only changing the amount of roses...to 15...and the words and dates on the ribbons...to be current.
I don’t know what made me count the roses...before I placed them on the vase base...but I did...and there were only 14...although the writing on the ribbons...was correct. Maybe tomorrow I’ll go back to the florist ...to get the one rose that was missing...being the stickler I am.
God bless you Sal...on this especially sad day...as you rest in His perpetual light and eternal peace.
Mrs. C sent me an email in remembrance of you and this day...and it touches me deeply to know that there are others...besides our family... who have also...not forgotten what this day is...as they remember you... and us...in their thoughts and prayers.
You are loved, very missed and thought about each and every day...as I carry you close in my heart...and in my cherished memories of you... beginning with the day I had you...until the day...when your life was stolen from you...and from us.
You were my precious...beautiful...and healthy baby boy...all 10 lbs and 23 inches of you...and with those big brown eyes of yours...you were so adorable. Even your Apgar score was perfect. You were walking by the time you were 9 months old...and as you grew...you did well in most of the things you tried. Your grades were good.. you were a quick study...and you excelled academically.
Dad was beaming...at your DJO HS graduation...when you were awarded...the Four Years of Excellence in Mathematics Medal...which none of us knew you were receiving...until we saw your name...in the Awards list...when we opened the DJO Graduation Program for the Class of 1987.
As a boy...you loved soccer and had a great left foot...that always caused your teammates...as well as their parents...whenever it was a close game...to yell...“pass it to Sal"...knowing as they breathed a sigh of relief...that once you had your foot on the ball...it was bound to be the winning goal...since you made so many of them.
You had a beautiful singing voice too...and I am grateful that I have...the CD of you and Chris...each singing two solos...and then singing together...when you both came to join Dad and me...at Karaoke one night...which gave Bobby the opportunity to...unbeknownst to us...to record you boys...and later he surprised us with the CD. To hear your voice...is a treasure to me.
You were blessed with many God given talents Sal. You even drew beautifully...which was amazing to us...since as they say...neither of us could even draw a straight line...with a ruler.
The day you were stolen from us...by them...you were still my precious... beautiful...or should I say handsome...6'2" son...who was healthy...and happy. At 37 yrs of age...you had your whole life ahead of you...filled with your dreams for a bright future.
It breaks my heart...that all these years were taken from you...along with everything that might have been...in that bright future of yours...if not for them.
God bless you son...as you keep close watch over your sisters...their families...your brother...and Dad.
I love you Sal....and I remain...and have always been so proud of you...for being a caring and loving son and brother...and for all that you were able to accomplish...in the short amount of time...that you were here with us.
We were blessed to have you in our lives...but I wish it could have been for so much longer.
I carry you close in my heart...and in my thoughts...each and every day...and I miss you beyond words. You are in my prayers...always.
Mom
January 1, 2021
Dear Sal...Since today is New Year’s Day...I will first wish you a Blessed New Year...as we bid farewell to the last one...and do so gladly...because it was an awful 2020.
We had a very nice time...last night at Stef’s...mostly eating our way through it. There were a lot of delicious foods...with too many choices...even though...there were only eight of us there. It was a real food fest.
Her new home is lovely...and she has a huge kitchen... with an enormous island. She has so many top and bottom cabinets...and drawers...for what seems like miles...with loads of counter space too...and every one was full...with desserts of all types. I told her I have cabinet and drawer envy...she has sooo many...and then I asked her...if I could rent a few...since I still have several storage boxes...that are holding kitchen items... that need a home...and I was only half kidding.
Cyn and Chris called in...their Happy New Year wishes... to all of us...as midnight neared. Chris didn’t want to join us...and so he stayed home. Vic and Zach were in NJ...at a friend's home...and they face-timed us with their New Year wishes.
We toasted in the New Year...but the TV broadcast from Times Square was pitiful...and a second late according to our clocks...which all said 12:00 as theirs said 11:59. Of course our times were correct...so it may have been due...to a 60 second time lapse delay...in transmitting.
Times Square was virtually empty...for the first time in 77 years...except for select VIP guests...and about 40 local front line workers...and their families...who were able to watch the ball drop...from separate viewing areas. It was a very strange sight...from how it use to be in the past.
The family games...began after midnight...with repeated explanations on how to play...citing the all important scoring rules...for how winners...would be determined... and that's when...the challenges...and laughs began. It was good to finally have a chance...to relax and have a bit of fun.
We got home around 2 am...and today we went to noon mass...since this is the Solemnity of Mary, the Holy Mother of God...which is still in our diocese...a Holy Day of obligation.
I also visited your resting place today...and as I walked the path...that was lined with the 55 geese...that I saw and counted on the grass...I was hoping that...they wouldn't begin to come towards me...and they didn't ...so I'm grateful that you answered my request.
I love you son...and I miss you.
God bless you...as you for keep watch...over our family.
Sal...You are in my thoughts...and prayers...always.
Mom
January 1, 2021
Dear Son...I’m writing this today...Dec. 31st...on New Year's Eve...which is the last day...of this very strange year...and I will write again tomorrow...on New Year’s Day...so that I can tell you...how we spent the evening.
Right now Chris and Dad are joining forces...to make twelve pizzas. Dad stopped mixing the dough by hand... two years ago...when I finally decided to splurge...and joined the ranks...as a food processor owner...and since the dough hook attachment...is great at mixing all the ingredients for the dough...there was no point any more ...for him to expend the manual energy...that he once did..in this endeavor...so long as the secret ingredient of adding...”love.”.. .to the mix...remained...and it did.
Dad made the pizza sauce yesterday...and Chris is the “dough boy” today. He did the prepping of all the pans ...a few hours ago...and now that the dough has risen... Dad is taking over in the final stage...using for the first time...the convection setting...on the new range.
He also grated 12 pounds of mozzarella by hand...since I don’t know where the attachment for that is...thanks to this reorganizing of the kitchen cabinets...which only will allow for me to store things...where the spaces dictate... rather than allowing me...to group the things...that I use most often...and would like to have...more readily accessible...to meet my needs. It’s like trying to find Waldo...every time he asks me where something is.
Before...everything had a place...and was in reach...but now it is an adventure...to remember where I had to put things....and it leaves me to conclude...that change...is not always for the best.
Right about now...you would be calling me...to find out when the first pizza...would be out of the oven...so that you could come over...straight from work.
I miss the phone calls...and you...and all of us being together...and on and on and on...and all of the other everything’s.
Your Godchild and her husband....wanted her parents... Jen and her boyfriend...and us...to bring in this New Year...at her new townhome. Vic won’t be with us...and can’t take any more time off...because she and Zach... were here for four days...over Christmas...and are now back home...which Vic is still not happy about. I...and all the people...who have already fled New York...know and appreciate why...she feels as she does.
It is not the same NYC I grew up in...and that is thanks to a host of reasons...in addition to the virus...there is an inept Mayo...and a narcissistic Governor...who have ruined a once thriving city.
The crime rate in all areas... is on the rise...thanks to the undermining of the police dept...and the way they are allowed to enforce the laws ...under the direction of both these men.
No one wants a dept...especially our family...where an officer...would get away with blatantly targeting anyone ...especially knowing that he likely...wouldn't be held to account...if things went badly...but we must recognize too...that in order to maintain the public's safety...and civility in our society...we must have those...who are willing to protect and serve...and we should support them in this effort. Lawlessness cannot prevail.
Thorough vetting of those...who would be sworn...to protect and serve...is paramount in my opinion...along with best practices re policies and proper training...and consequences for any improper actions...by law officers ...if justice is to be served...must be equal and fair...to all impacted by any wrongful acts...ie...officers...as well as any victims. We must not and cannot have two sets of standards.
Another issue for NY...are the rules...regulations...and restrictions regarding the operation of many small businesses...because of the virus...have caused many to close...resulting in job loses for a number of New Yorkers...who don’t have the luxury...of being able to support their families...while working from home.
Restaurant owners too... who are complying in every which way...are still being told to shut down...and who knows if they will ever be able to ride it out...and open up again. So...more jobs are lost. People who never had the need for food banks...are now joining those lines. It’s truly awful.
Thugs are roaming the streets...and many residents are living in fear...because the police are either retiring early...or quitting...and the protection...citizens once felt could be relied on...is no longer there.
Some prison inmates...are having their sentences cut short...and are being let out...to continue the mayhem ...that put them there in the first place...and there are no arrests being made.
We have become a society gone mad.
I can only hope...as this year begins...that it may be better...than the one that just ended...and not worse.
Keep watching over our family.
I love and miss you...and you are in my thoughts...and in my prayers...always.
Mom
December 25, 2020
Dear Sal...I will be carrying you very close in my heart today...missing you beyond words...as I wish you a Very Blessed Christmas Day. God Bless you...
We are going to Con's...and will be leaving soon...so I will finish this reflection...when I get back home.
I love you Sal...and so wish you were here with us.
You are in my thoughts...and in my prayers...always.
Mom
December 24, 2020
Dear Salvatore...Today...on this dreary...rainy...and cold Christmas Eve...which is marking this Fourteen Years and Eleven Months Remembrance Day too...as well as the Fifteenth Eve...without you...I just want to cry my heart out...because of all that I hold in it.
In a little while...Dad and I...will go to your resting place to put up...the small decorated Christmas tree...that will remain there for you...until Epiphany Sunday.
Hopefully the tree will be left in place...and not suffer the same fate...that the candles in the Advent Wreath did...by someone who couldn't mind his own business.
After attending the 5 pm mass...that I had scheduled in your memory for today...I will also visit the St. Joseph statue...and leave a floral arrangement there too.
I know I sound like a crazy person...going through some self-imposed monthly rituals...but that’s me...and I wouldn’t be doing this...but because of them...I feel I must.
Instead you would be here...continuing to live your life... and to be present in ours. I miss you Sal...and I do whatever it takes...to just get through another day.
I was listening to Rush Limbaugh...on the way to Con’s yesterday...and a caller was on the phone with the radio station...telling Rush how much he admired him...and agreed with him...and as a conservative man...how he felt much the same way about things...and held those same views and opinions that Rush did. The caller also said...his children had asked him...why did he listen to Rush’s program...and he said he began to think about that. It wasn’t just that they were on the same page re topics...but that Rush’s voice and views...were like that of his Dad’s...and in hearing Rush’s voice...he felt like he was listening to his father...who he missed so much.
He said he was praying for Rush...since the news broke about Rush having terminal lung cancer. With emotion that was apparent in his voice...the man said...he was holding Rush up in daily prayer...for God to heal...as he needs to “hear” Rush’s voice...which means so much to him...and that somehow...he feels connects him to his memories...of his very missed father.
At first I thought the caller...sounded a bit over the edge ..but his sincerity was palatable. Rush too was very touched by this man's words...and he said...he wished there was more...he could say to him...than just "thank you" in expressing his gratitude...to this man...for all the accolades he was receiving from him...and to all those in his audience too...who for so many years...have also loved and supported him...and that his audience will never fully understand...how very much...he appreciates their loyalty...and what it has meant to him...and his family too...especially now...with what he termed...his expiration date...as his life is nearing its end.
He went on to express his enormous gratitude...for all the love that he has been shown...by so many of his listeners. And then he said something that brought me to tears...he said now that he is acutely aware...of his mortality...he has come to understand...what love really is...as he feels it from so many...and his gratitude for it is immense...and he wanted everyone to know that... and added...”when I’m no longer here...I want you all to know...that I still would have wanted...to be here with all of you.”
His words tugged at...and touched my heart...because I never thought of it in that way. Could our loved ones who were called back home to God...want us to know that...they would have still wanted to be here with us.
Because we were raised in a faith...that believes in the promise of eternal life...where we would be in God's presence...happy and at rest in His peace...how could wanting not to be there...be a thought.
We try to find comfort in words to console...we who are left to mourn and grieve the loss...of our loved ones. We say being on the other side...is our true home...since we are also spiritual beings...and that we will only be truly happy once in that better place etc...provided we are made worthy of it...so it was surprising to me...to hear what Rush said...albeit his intelligence...I hope his words...were only indicative of a finite brain.
He expressed a very human thought...that once he is gone...he wanted us to know...that he would have still wanted to be “here” with all of us. I could hear the emotion in the words he spoke...and they brought me to tears...and made me sad.
I hope that you...are not unhappy where you are...and that you are at rest and at peace...because I don’t think I could bear knowing...that you might be...as heartbroken and sad...as I am...over your not being here with us.
I love you son...and I have always wanted you...and your siblings...to just be happy.
Again too many words...as I pray...that you are happy... and for me...to somehow know that you are.
God bless you son...as you remain watchful...over your sisters...their families...your brother...and Dad.
I love you Sal...as I carry you close in my thoughts...and in my broken heart. You are in my prayers...always.
Mom
December 17, 2020
Dear Salvatore...Today is your..."would have been" 52nd Birthday...and it marks the 15th one...that you could and should have been here for...to celebrate with us...if not for them.
I went to the noon mass today...being offered in your memory on this occasion...and then I visited you at your resting place. I still want to scream...every time I walk down that path...and see your name...engraved on that bronze plaque...that is on that slab of marble. It’s a heartache...that should have never ever happened.
The fact is...you had your whole life ahead of you...but because of them...and their reckless disregard for your safety...in that unjustified over excessive use of force op...your future...was stolen from You...our family...your friends...and your patients...while those involved...the “them” I refer to...have gone on with living their lives... and enjoying their families...over these many years... while our family’s lives...have been forever changed...by that knock on our door...to the present...as we continue to grieve and mourn your loss. Our reality doesn’t go away...nor does it get any easier to bear. You are loved my precious boy...and so very missed.
This time of year...is never easy...as most people get the holiday blues...for a host of reasons...but 2020 has contributed in a major way...to the sadness experienced on a worldwide scale...due to this pandemic...which has been felt by far too many...this year...as they are now left to deal with the pain...caused by the sudden loss of loved ones. God send them the graces they will need in order to cope.
I too know unexpected and devastating losses...so I both sympathize...and have empathy for...these newly and now too...”forever changed" families. They are in my prayers.
I was annoyed last week when I visited you...because someone had removed the 4 Advent candles...from the wreath...that I had intended to pray before...and light one at a time...each week leading up to Christmas. I managed to light the first one...said the appropriate prayers...and then blew out the flame...before I left your resting place. I thought I would do that...with each of the remaining candles...for the next three weeks...but thanks to some self-appointed monitor...that isn’t going to happen.
I guess I should have taken the individual candles with me...each time I left...and then return them again...to the wreath...on my next Sunday’s visit...say the prayers as I lit the next candle...and then blow out the flame... remove that one...and repeat that ritual...for the next two remaining Sunday’s of Advent. Ridiculous...because there was no cause for anyone's concern...as none of the candles...were intended to remain lighted.
I never will understand why...some people feel it's their right...to disturb anything left at a cemetery...which I consider to be sacred ground.
So I removed the wreath today...and left the birthday flowers in its place. So much for my intentions.
I hope you will have a very Blessed day...in the company of your Grandparents...your Uncle...your Friends...and the rest of our extended family...who have also been called back home to God.
I love you Son...and I miss you...and your holiday phone calls...so very much.
God bless you Sal...as you continue to watch over...your sisters and their families...your brother...and Dad.
You are in my thoughts each and every day...and you are in my prayers...always.
Mom
November 24, 2020
Dear Salvatore...I visited your resting place this morning before running Thanksgiving errands...and on my way back home...which was around 5 pm...I stopped at our church...to offer my prayers for you. I also made a visit in memory of this day...to the St. Joseph statue...where I also prayed for you...and left another arranged flower... in your memory...to mark this Fourteen Years and 10 Months Remembrance Day...which has fallen...on one more...of “our” Tuesday’s.
Thanksgiving is two days from now...but for many...it won’t be the family gathering...they were looking forward to...and enjoying...like they once did. I know that feeling well...but for other reasons...unrelated to the current one. I miss you so very much.
Due to the rise in Covid-19 cases...all across our country ...the CDC officials...in the hopes of containing the virus from spreading...are saying the number of people attending family dinners...should be limited to ten...and ideally...they should also be from the same household. Of course the social practices of wearing masks...plus washing hands often...and distancing...should also be a given. I don’t know what’s magic about the number ten... but to go even further... those who would have to travel by plane...or bus......to be with family at this Thanksgiving...are also being discouraged from doing so...citing that close contact at crowded airports or bus terminals...could become super-spreader sites...where the virus can be contracted. We are living in very strange...and trying times...to say the least.
We once were six in our immediate family...and then as your sisters married and had children...we became nine ...and before that tragic night...that stole you from us... who knows what might have been...in your future. Now both of your nieces have married...so we have become seventeen in our immediate family.
I could never accept 10 as a cutoff point...to determine which of my children...or grandchildren...I should have to exclude...from our family gathering at Thanksgiving... nor from any other family get-together occasion...so I can’t imagine how anyone else is expected...to adhere to a strict count of ten.
Families will have to weigh...what they are willing to do.. and then make their own choices. It all just adds to the ...one more way...that our country has been impacted... by what what was foisted on our United States.
The toll this pandemic...has taken in lives...business and job losses...school shutdowns...church closings...and/or attendance limitations...and more...are all contributing.. to these different times. So very sad...and avoidable from the outset...if only...
Life is about family...and maybe by now you too...would have been married...and given us some additional grandchildren...but because of them...we are a forever changed family...living an unwanted new normal...and it breaks my heart every day...knowing what could...and should have been...for you...and for us too...but isn't... because of them...and what they caused. I have to stop myself from going there...so...
We are still in the throes of the long time coming...re-do of the kitchen. Only three of the four appliances we ordered...have been delivered...thanks to a backlog that ...is also due to this pandemic. We are on a list for the gas range...and may not even get it by Christmas. So tomorrow I will be going to Con’s...to use her stove...in order to make...at least...the stuffed artichokes...and roasted peppers. Needless to say...I don’t want to disappoint your nieces and nephews. Actually it’s just the girls...because Cyn is spending the holiday at her own home.
Just went out again...and I’m now down to one item... after going to two more stores...neither of which...had artichokes worth buying. Well...at least I can still make the antipasto...even though we no longer have pasta... as a first dish...the way we once did.
I hope this Thanksgiving will still hold things...for which the masses can be thankful...because not only are too many “families” across our country...being challenged with so many restrictions and guidelines...but our country is also in an awful state of flux...and there is divisiveness...on so many fronts. God help us.
I love you son...and I carry you close in my heart...each and every day.
I pray you have a Very Blessed Thanksgiving...and for each of the children God sent me...and for my all of my Grandchildren too...I am grateful to God and I thank Him.
God bless you Sal...as you keep watch over your sisters ...their families...your brother...and Dad.
You are in my thoughts...and in my prayers...always.
Mom
November 2, 2020
Dear Son...Today is All Souls Day...and it 's a time when.. we particularly remember our loved ones...who have been called back home to God.
The prayers appointed for this day...remind us that we are joined with the Communion of Saints...that great group of Christians who have finished their earthly life...and with whom we share the hope of resurrection.
We were told in church...that the Pope extended the availability of...certain “plenary indulgences" for the souls in Purgatory...from Nov 1st through the 8th...to now include...the entire month of November. The plenary indulgences...which remit all the temporal punishment due to sin...must also be accompanied by full detachment from sin. Not quite sure what that means exactly...but I'll find out.
In addition to praying for departed loved ones...and visiting their resting place...a Catholic who wishes to obtain a plenary indulgence...for these souls...must also fulfill the ordinary conditions of an indulgence...which are sacramental confession...and can occur up to about twenty days before...or after the indulgenced act...along with the reception of the Eucharist...and prayer for the Pope's intentions.
I still haven’t come to terms with “time” in relation to God...because I always thought there wasn’t a time constraint with Him...but I’m sure it won’t be the last time...I will be mistaken.
Yesterday... All Saints Day...was also Gramps birthday... and I pray...it was a blessed day for him. Tomorrow is election day...and I hope that's a blessed day too.
I also hope to be able to meet the requirements...to obtain this Plenary indulgence for each of you...my very loved...and very missed...Brother...Mom...Dad...and you...my dear Son.
I pray that you all...are watching over the rest of us... keeping us safe...and out of harm’s way.
God bless each of you...as you rest in His perpetual light
.
Each of you...are in my prayers...always
Mom
October 24, 2020
Dear Sal...On this "14 Years and 9 Months" Remembrance Day...I will make a visit to Church in your behalf...and then take a ride to the florist...since I didn’t get to go there yesterday...and on the way back...I will pay a visit to your resting place...and to the St. Joseph statue.
The last couple of months have been trying...as we have been dealing without a functioning kitchen...since Dad's birthday in late Aug. So now that everything has been selected...phase one...thankfully we are in the last throes...of finally having the kitchen redone...and it’s been quite the chore.
We are almost at the finish line...and I will be more than ready...to start putting things back where they belong...as soon as I’m given the green light. I have a lot of storage boxes to go through...after packing them with everything...that came out of the kitchen cabinets and drawers...so that the demo could begin.
Now I have to detach myself from wanting to hold on to items...that I really should be able to discard...if I am ever going to scale down. There are Sippy cups...plastic plates with airplanes and boats...and “little hands” curved plastic utensils...school projects...and little gifts that teachers had students make...through the years...to give to parents like us...on Mother’s and Father’s day...and all were stored away...along with the pedestal cups...that Nan thought would be perfect...for you and your sisters to drink hot chocolate from...after coming in from playing in the snow.
So many years ago...and so many accumulated things...for so many reasons...hold memories for me...some things more than others...and from my perspective...it’s not easy to just get rid of them. Therefore it's a painful task for me to deal with....under the circumstances...that have caused me to live...what has become my "new normal."
Your father on the other hand...is the exact opposite of me...and is ready to have me discard all of it...without even looking through anything...or opening up an envelope or card...to see what it contains.. or what may have been written in it...and it offends me...that he can be both so detached and cavalier...in what he expects of me. His approach...to what memories he would discard...without so much as a second look or thought...is not mine.
I probably shouldn’t expect him to understand...where I am coming from...and in so doing...I would spare myself the negative opinions...I have of such an attitude as his. The differences between moms like me...and dads like him...has to be light years.
Next week phase two...counters...flooring...appliances...and then the painting. I’ll have to hope nothing gets dripped on...but that seems to be the order...in which things get done. It’s been a distraction...but I still have to get through...the months that are ahead.
I love you Sal...and I dread that it’s Fall...because although it’s the very season...that you loved and enjoyed the most...for a host of reasons... including its lead up to the holidays...your birthday...and the family gatherings...for me...it’s the one that breaks my heart all the more... every time it comes around again...since you’re not here to enjoy it once more..."because of them"...and I get to relive what these months all led up to...also "because of them"...which is your loss to our family.. and the pain of not having you...in our lives.
I miss you...miss you...miss you...as I carry you close in my thoughts... and in my heart...each and every day.
God bless you son...as you keep watching over your siblings...their families...your brother...and...Dad.
You are in my prayers...always.
Mom
September 24, 2020
Dear Son...The season you liked most...Fall...is once again here...as I mark this "14 Years and 8 Months Remembrance Day." It is also the time of year...that I find the most difficult to get through...as it leads to... and is a vivid reminder...of all the things you enjoyed most.
Not being a big fan of summer...you always looked forward to...the cooler weather...sports...Halloween...Thanksgiving...your Birthday...both Christmas and New Year...and the family gatherings...that were a part of most of these occasions. How I wish...we didn't have to live this "new normal."
Yesterday I picked up the flowers...that I will bring to your resting place... and the St. Joseph statue today...which has become my monthly ritual... owing to the unforgivable tactics...you were exposed to...at the hands of the FCPD.
Over the past few months...there has been...one news story after another...about questionable shootings by police officers...where lives have been lost...and the people in those communities...are taking to the streets...initially peacefully to seek justice...and to protest against police depts...for what they view as brutality...and being mistreated by them. Everything from excessive force...to wanton endangerment has been cited.
We have been on both sides of these issues...with what happened to you...and our family...and too...because of the profession your uncle chose. So my opinion vacillates...although it appears there is still...a need for better police practices...re policies...protocols...procedures... vetting...training...and the use of excessive force issues...when officers are interacting with citizens...as all lives matter.
But other demonstrators are violent...mobs of rioters are using the tragic loss of lives...as an excuse to burn down businesses...loot shops and stores...and terrorize innocent bystanders. They are throwing things at the police...injuring them...burning their vehicles...and even shooting them. It’s organized anarchy...aimed at undermining our way of life... getting rid of the police...and pitting people against one another...under the guise they too...although blatantly ill-intentioned...are also looking for justice.
We all know there are good and bad...in every walk of life...and there should be transparency...accountability...and consequences...for misdeeds when proven....especially for those who have been sworn...to protect and serve...but these destructive mob demonstrations...are not the way to seek change and justice...and the violence needs to be stopped. It is truly a crazy world we are witnessing...and one you could never have imagined...or would recognize.
Along with all the mayhem...we are also dealing with the pandemic...and many of life’s activities have been either called off or curtailed. Only recently...after these past six months...are things beginning...to return to some kind of normalcy. The pendulum desperately needs to swing back to the way things used to be...which unfortunately was taken for granted then...when we were living in a calmer...and more peaceful time...as compared to how it is now.
Many are choosing sides...and there is little to no common ground to bridge. Elections are about forty days away...and that too...looks like it has the potential for becoming a fiasco...in this current climate...and depending on who is elected. I hope and pray it will be a positive outcome...and not turn into one more excuse...for another disaster to take place...by any of those who may not like the result.
The daylight is getting shorter...and before long...it will be getting dark around 5 pm...which is not something I like. I remember Aunt M always saying...”I get up and it’s dark...and I get home and it’s dark...so I don’t like this time of year.” I suppose her thoughts were the yin to your yang. It’s strange how one stored memory...sparks another one.
Your sister saw a photo posted yesterday...on your friend Steve’s FB page...in celebration of his 25th wedding anniversary...and she texted it to me...asking if it was you...in the background...singing on a stage. The photo was a little hard to view...but I told her I thought it was
Dad and I were at Steve’s wedding...but what I remember most about that reception...is you catching the thrown garter...and putting in on Jen’s leg...in the most gentlemanly way I had ever seen. I took a picture at the very moment...it was happening...as you turned your face to look away...while your two hands were expanding the garter...to place on her leg. It is one of my very favorite photos of you...my handsome son.
Sal...as always...I ask you to keep watching over...your sisters...their families...your brother...and Dad.
I love you my precious boy...and I miss you beyond words.
You are in my thoughts...each and every day...and you are in my prayers ...always.
Mom
August 24, 2020
Dear Salvatore...On this 14 Years and 7 Months Remembrance Day...I watched this morning's 8:30 am mass...as it was being streamed on FB...from St. John the Baptist Church...where Fr. Fasano is pastor...and I offered my attendance at the mass...and my intentions...in your behalf. The priest who said the mass...announced that it was being offered...for the repose of the soul of...and read the man’s name aloud...and you know what a bone of contention that is for me...since that is a no no...at St. M’s...but nevertheless...I did make a visit there too...to pray for you.
Afterwards I drove to the florist...to pick up the flowers...and then visited your resting place. On the way home...I stopped again...to leave the second flower...at the St. Joseph statue in your memory.
It is now 175 months...since you were stolen from your life...and our family...and I have had you in my thoughts and prayers...while missing you...each and every one of the days...that have added up to these many months...and that is what I live with..."missing you and what might have been"...and I know...that is how it will continue to be for me...for the rest of what is my life...because of what they caused to happen to you.
We had a birthday dinner for Dad on Saturday...although his actual birthday is today. Con had all of us...at her home...which was very gracious of her...since she and Steve...were leaving early Sunday AM... to take Jen back to UVA...to start her second year...after her being home since freshman Spring break...until now...because of this pandemic. I believe she will...if all goes well...come back at Thanksgiving...and then won’t return to school again...until after the New Year. The big surprise was Vic and Zach...who came in from NY...and getting to see Cyn and her family...who hadn’t been here since last Thanksgiving.
This virus has truly disrupted life as usual...and it has become quite a challenge to deal with...health-wise in particular...for the older and compromised population...and in general...for normal life activities...for everyone else. Hopefully with God's blessings...this too shall pass.
God bless you Son...as you keep watching over your sisters...their families...your brother...and Dad.
I love and miss you Sal...more than I can express...as I carry you close... in my heart...and in my treasured memories. You are in my prayers... always.
Mom
July 24, 2020
Dear Son...Although I had stopped requesting masses...about a year or so ago...when I got disgusted...by the reason given to me...when I was looking for an answer...to why a mass for an intended person...goes unannounced...and was told it was due to some canonical rule...that supposedly disallows that from being done...and because that answer didn’t sit right with me...I just stopped the monthly masses.
I was still determined to have some masses said...but not on the 24th of each month...like I had been doing...for the past 13 yrs...which also always included a very healthy donation...to cover the requests...but rather...to only schedule a mass for your Birthday...and on the Yearly Remembrance Date...of your devastating loss to our family.
Since I had been told...even one mass has infinite worth in God's eyes...I decided to get very practical...and in the process...saved all those mass donations...and directed them to other charities. I know I do sound irritated...but the canonical reason/excuse...did rub me the wrong way...especially when I see and hear priests from other parishes... announce the name of the person...for whom the mass is being offered...and I was also told...that there is NO canonical rule that forbids that announcement...from being made aloud. It goes to show...that in every walk of life...there are some personalities...who like to make their own call...whenever it may suit them.
Anyway...I did have an extra mass scheduled for at least today...which I attended...on this Fourteen Years and Six Months Remembrance Day.
Of course the Church rules were followed...masks were worn...pews were marked off...and distances were kept from one another...all in accordance with this new normal...re the times we are living in.
I also resumed my practice of going to the florist...after a four months hiatus...to get the two floral arrangements...so that I can take one to your resting place...and the other to leave at the St. Joseph statue in your memory. I love you Sal...and I miss you so very much.
Last night we were at a birthday dinner...for your niece J...who just turned 20. It seems like yesterday...that she was a newborn...coming from the hospital...when her parents pulled into our driveway...to let us see her...before they drove home...and that's when I took the photo of you...looking down at her...in the infant car seat...with a look of total amazement on your face...and yes...she was tiny. It was the same year you graduated from SCO.
You wouldn't believe how our family has grown...as your nieces and nephews...are all young adults...for the most part...although we still have a couple of teenagers.
We are living in a sick world...in more ways than one...and it's one you wouldn't recognize nor believe could be possible...so please keep close watch over your sisters...their families...your brother...and Dad.
God bless you Sal...as you rest peacefully in His perpetual light.
You are in my prayers...always.
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