My mother was introduced to me when she was just a girl. She was seventeen when she gave birth to me. I was her miracle. She could not believe that I was hers. I can't believe that she was mine. We chose each other before we had taken our first breathes.
My mother carried me for ten months and delivered an almost 10 pound baby who was too shy to be born and had to be pulled out with forceps. My mom thought I was beautiful when no one else could agree with her until I got a little older, but she thought I was beautiful from the very beginning. She taught me my first words, my first prayer, how to sit and how to stand. She taught me an openess to the world, a kindness to all, and how it felt to be loved, really loved, unconditionally. I have lost one I love, but I have lost, lost the one who loved me more than anyone, and the void that is left is inconsolable.
There was nothing that my mom couldn't do...She was the most talented person I ever knew. It goes without saying that she was a fabulous cook, who I never knew to use a recipe. My mom cooked from her soul and there was nothing that she couldn't figure out how to make and made it from scratch. She was an artist. She could draw and paint. Before she got a tumor on her spine, she played tennis. I think she may still have played tennis in her dreams and I hope more than anything in the world that there is a tennis court in heaven. She could rototill the yard, fix the remote control, make curtains, and answer all the questions on Jeopardy. She wasn't afraid of anything. If it needed to be done, she figured it out. I have no idea who will be able to answer the next question I have about the difference between chicken stock and chicken broth or if it is ok to eat sour cream past the expiration date. My mom knew the answer to every question. And now, I'm not sure how I get through the rest of my life without my mommy. No matter how old...I always called her mommy...she will always be my mommy and I feel the loss of her as if I was a two year old...I just can't help but cry for my mommy.
And then I think...she is right here. She is in my voice, my smile, my scrunched up expression when I concentrate. She is in the love that I have for my children. She will be forever in the heart of a heart that learned to beat to the rhythm of hers.
I am humbly grateful for the mother that I have, to have been raised by the best of souls, to have been loved so well and for so long. There has been no one that I have loved longer and there will not be a day that I do not miss her in this world.