This will be our first Christmas without you. Our family knows how much you always enjoyed this time of year and spending it with all of us. This will the first time I am not spending Christmas Eve overnight at your house. It is also the first time, Carissa won't be spending the night and opening her gifts Christmas morning with you. She asked me a few times how come we can't continue our tradition of spending the night before Christmas at your house. I told her I just couldn't do it. In reality, I felt as though I wanted to hide under a rock until all of this "holiday stuff" passed. Kelly and I spoke a few times about this and both agreed you would want us to not change a thing, you would want us to all be together and enjoy the day. That is exactly what we are doing.
When you were alive, you and I spoke on how life would change one day if you were to leave us. You told me over and over, we would all have to continue to be strong, and be there for each other. We are trying Mom, I can promise you, but this has been a horrible year for our family to say the least. Losing you was the beginning of all of the other horrible things to come. Kelly and I were just saying we feel like every week we are saying "what else can happen." You are truly missed and there is not a day that goes by that I don't find myself thinking about you. Carissa even sees it and doesn't even say anything anymore when she sees me upset. She just hugs me and says " you miss Grandma right Mommy" and I just hold her tight. I have said it before and I will say it again, Kelly and Ed have done so much not only for Pop, but for all of us. You were always the rock that held our family together. I strongly believe my sister has stepped in and taken that role and I can't thank her and Ed enough for all they do for all of us. I don't even have words strong enough to define how lost I am without you, I can tell you its a pain I don't think will ever really go away. I often wonder if you hear me talking to you. Remembering you is easy, I do it everyday. Missing you is the heartache that I feel never will really go away. I love you so much.