I thought I knew about grief, experiencing profound loss, but I didn't.
I wish I could tell you in beautiful language how much Wil means to me and the depth of sadness I feel over his death. I know acknowledging this will be a lifelong process. He truly is a very special person, and I was given the precious gift of being his mother.
I wish I could do him justice and explain in great detail who he really was. I wish I could show you with these words the Wil I know. The things about him that made him one of a kind. Things like how his laugh came directly from his toes. It was infectious! Wil had a quick wit and dry sense of humor that made me laugh. I miss being able to chat with him.
I would tell you that I remember his wisdom, and how I carry him with me every day and in everything I do. Talking with Wil was therapeutic, always encouraging happiness, and never blaming anyone else for anything.
I could explain how unique he was. How he always traveled to the beat of his own inner drummer. Wil lived his life the way he wanted.
I would let you know how very happy he was to have opened a Tae Kwon Do Studio, and how grateful he was to have his dreams come true.
I would tell you how I keep him with me through memories and how he was such a good person, it inspired me to be better, and how he was always so very kind, loyal and sincere. Wil never failed to be grateful for even the tiniest thoughtfulness given to him.
I would say how very much I miss him. I would write about how much having Wil as my son, and friend has meant to me. I would tell you that I remember him as helpful, because of his insight. He was so intelligent, and good with people.
I am not a writer, and I certainly don't have any adequate words for these indescribable feelings. Wil's sudden and senseless death has left me feeling ambushed, alone, angry, full of unanswerable questions, extremely sad, and frightened, This wasn't supposed to happen, and it will never be something I can accept.
How could he only be an uncle to Mia for just over 4 years, and Sydney for just over 2 short years when he loved them so deeply? Wil was so generous with everyone, but especially enjoyed spoiling the girls. Bringing them little gifts when he visited and giving them his time. He was a perfect uncle. Wil didn't let them get away with being naughty, but lovingly directed them down the right road, with his gentle manner.
I wish everyday that I could have protected him from this. I know Wil would not want me to be sad, but I also know he would understand that I am because he knows how much I love and adore him. I am grateful that Wil and I had a strong relationship. He GOT me, understood and accepted me like no one else.
If I could have, I would have gone in his place.
I am extremely proud of him.