It's me, Laura.
January 24, a beautiful day is now tear
filled and bittersweet.
Your Birthday was celebrated by me all day. On
my way to work, at work, on my way home, and at home.
Where are you?
I looked and looked, but knew I couldn't share the day with you . . .
left to celebrate only in my heart.
The happy sparkle in your eyes were
that much more special when we celebrated your Birthday, and it always brought a
smile to my face.
I wish I had a little bit of the joy and spirit which
flowed out of you so effortlessly. But, I know that's what makes you such a
special person, and how lucky I am, indeed, to have such a wonderful Dad.
I can only recount the joyous gleam in my mind's eye through memories
and conversations with Barbara.
Miss celebrating your beautiful
Will miss you tomorrow.
Miss you every day.
always . . . Happy Birthday.
It's me, Laura.
I just got back from lunch with my Chicken Soup, and I saw a man on the elevated walkway who looks JUST LIKE YOU.
He dressed like you, had a head of hair like you, and I just stopped in my tracks.
Although, I knew he wasn't you.
Signs are everywhere, so they say.
I just hope he was a sign from you to me.
I love you and miss you.
hello, I am a feamster too. from Kentucky. I wonder if we were somehow related...I saw your dads curly hair.
It's me, Laura.
I see you in my heart and mind's eye every day.
I look at your picture every day.
I hear you every day.
I speak of you every day.
I think of you every day.
I cry every day.
I miss you – every minute of every day.
I will always love you . . . proudly, loudly and every day.
Christmas . . . well, it's simply not the same.
It's me, Laura.
It's Father's Day, and it stinks.
I was thinking about the origins of Father's Day, and what it means.
I guess it means many things to many people, but for me it's obvious.
Father's Day was invented with Dads like you in mind.
The best traits, guidance and compassion wrapped into a wonderful package known as a Dad – and that's what you mean to me.
I miss you and always looked forward to celebrating this day with you. But because you're not with me, I am left to celebrate you in my own way. You see, it's still Father's Day for me.
Love you always,
It's me, Laura.
Time just seems to slip away, but my vivid thoughts include you so many times throughout every day.
Much has happened the last four weeks. Many events felt empty because you were not with us.
I had a mini breakdown over the weekend and sobbed so loudly and out of control that I went into the shower to regain my composure. When I finally got out of the shower I was just about spent.
Searching for a sign, a light touch, anything to let me know you're looking after me: And I believe Thursday you tapped me on the shoulder.
Although today was "happy" for me, it was completely sad and bittersweet. Emphasis on bitter. I truly thought – just for a moment – your voice and words of encouragement were on the other end of the phone when it rang.
You are the best Dad . . . still and always. I hear you often in my head and in my heart. And although I have changed as a person, you have made me better just for being my Dad.
ps. I understand Henry Hill will probably stop by to pay his respects to you!
It's me, Laura.
Westminster Lane is again weeping.
It looks as though you and Jimmy will just have to take the place by storm.
That's just the way it is . . . your job now: Bringing a little levity to the stuffy, serious ones.
I am certain of that, just as I am certain the heavens are now blessed with nightly sell outs of great stories and good humor.
I miss you terribly, I love you, I always will.
I guess I just have to share you more.
Make 'em laugh – you know; loud, side-splitting, good, hearty laughter.
We really need to hear it down here.
It's me, Laura.
My birthday passed and I kept it uneventful because it's just not celebrated for me anymore. I get through the day only with the memory so close to my heart of you calling me, no matter what, on that day. When that phone rings, I think for just a moment it's you on the other end.
Just not the same, on any level, it never will be, and I'm so sad that crying is the only avenue I have.
I deal with my days and life in an almost automatic pilot manner. I think I do fine, but I can tell you that there is such a gaping empty hole in my spirit.
I know life is not fair, it's not easy, and it certainly doesn't pan out the way you envision, but it's beyond difficult to make sense of struggles so overwhelming.
Christmas is fast approaching. Barbara handled the company Christmas Party. She did a real nice job, you would have been content and proud.
Please, somehow, let me know you're looking after us. We really need to know that. We're not doing well.
I love you, I always will.
It's me, Laura.
Well, Barbara is making thorough, hands-on decisions at work. Time will tell if things work out the way they really should. The direction has to change, and she's the perfect person to make a go of it since she's you're staunchest advocate.
Problem: It's really tough for her to be there. So many memories, too many pulling of heart strings. But, she perseveres because the company is yours, John's belief in the company, and her belief that she is doing something worthwhile and just.
Life is crazy, and seems to be getting crazier.
Just wanted to keep you up to date on the goings on with the company. Fingers crossed.
There isn't a day which goes by that I don't miss you.
hey dad -
there are almost no words for me today.
only a real, unrelenting sadness that i just can't shake. every day is like that but it's always simmering. not today.
the people that you worked with tell funny stories about you all the time. they speak fondly of you just about every day. and as nice as that is and as comforting as that should be, it is so, so sad.
as much as i'm trying to keep it together, things stink down here. i have had more than my usual amount of very vivid dreams about you.
the more i think about everything, and my life in general, i am realizing more than ever that you were my protector and my buddy. nobody can ever replace you.
i miss you dad. love you always.
It's me, Laura.
As slow as the time goes, that's almost exactly how fast it goes.
You've missed many things (some that you wouldn't have wanted to see, anyway). The good things are really accentuated with you not being there.
Whenever Barbara or I go to, or host a gathering we have a little something that you would have liked (Entenmann's coffee cake, lemon ice, etc). That way we have you at the event in our small, little way.
I'm really lost without you. I struggle and I don't feel I will ever be genuinely happy again. It's like that double-edged sword. You are such a good dad that not having you leaves such a void. Bittersweet.
I just wanted to let you know that today is not a good day for me. Tthe mind has a way of playing back events so vividly (like a movie scene). But it wasn't a bad movie, it was real.
I always think of you. You will always be with me wherever I go ... every step of the way.
dad - i have no idea why things are unfolding the way they are but i can only hope that you are influencing the situation. i promise you that i will do my absolute best on your behalf. i hope we are successful. i don't want to let you down.
You have 2 wonderful girls that love and miss you very much. Christopher and Brequelle miss their Poppie. I know you know all this as you can see us but we can't see you but your presence will remain always for you are still living, we are eternal beings in God I miss you jokes, laughter but you are probably still telling jokes to John,Alan, Grandpa and GrandmaPage and of course your Mom and Dad as well as Tommy, Nana and Pop of course and Your with a great group of people.....the Femisters and the Pages.
Love and Miss You,
It's me, Laura.
I just finished watching the Beatification of Pope John Paul II.
I believe you're in good hands.
Have a smile in your heart, there's one in mine today.
hi dad -
it's not getting any "easier" (like i ever would believe that it would!). i think about you just all the time and lately i've had more than the usual share of vivid dreams about you. the kind where you wake up and have to think for a minute before you realize what you dreamed didn't really happen.
easter has come and gone. i went to visit you and gave you a really beautiful purple flowered cross. at the cemetary, for the first time ever, there were flowers there from others. there were two separate bunches. one with a stapled, plastic baggie covered note. no idea who that was from, i'm just glad that anyone else even visited you. i was glad to see other flowers.
we tried to make easter as nice as we could but it's just not even close to the same without you. you made everything fun.
i miss you dad. very, very much. i have given up asking for a sign that you are okay. things really stink down here.
Name a little kid whose Dad let them pick anything she wanted, anything at all ... and she picked Peach Pie! Barbara, that's who - after visiting the Rockefeller Christmas Tree, we couldn't wait to go to Horn & Hardart’s Automat-NYC
Loved the Tire Ride at the World's Fair. I thought it was such a cool looking ride. I remember you were able to look out at the road traffic (I think it was the Grand Central).
It's me, Laura.
Think of you everyday, and just wanted you to know.
I passed by the World's Fair Marina tonight, and started to cry. I remember all of the fun I had with my feather hat, miniature cards, GM Building and tire ride.
Who would have ever guessed so many years later I would be living near the very place that brought so many happy, happy lifelong memories and remains as one of the best times in my life.
Things are very difficult for me. I miss you more than you could ever imagine, and wish with all of my heart I could hear your voice, see that twinkle in your eyes and share a good laugh.
For me, no words will ever adequately express what an important person you are in my life -- and will always be.
Genuine, truly good-hearted people walk this earth once in a great while. And, sometimes I pinch myself because I lived on this earth when a great man -- MY dad -- guided, shaped and unselfishly shared his life, zest and spirit with lil ol' me.
How very lucky I am.
My life has forever been altered, and will forever be missing the uniqueness of you. I have never experienced anyone like you -- and you know Dad, I really don't think I ever will.
Please let me and Barbara know you're okay -- somehow.
We're not doing too good.
I am lost and broken hearted. I love you, dad, and I miss you.
It's me, Laura.
It's January 24, your birthday, a day which was always so special in my heart. It's even more special now.
I loved sharing time with you, trading stories, talking politics, playing cards and, of course, your birthday. Always lots of fun and laughs, oh, so many laughs.
But, laughing comes to crying. And that's what I do. That's what I'm reduced to, that's all I can do.
The life we had left me probably one of the happiest, and a daughter who is so sad that I feel numb. But I can also thank my lucky stars that you are my dad.
Barbara and I are looking for some peace in our lives, and she is struggling to keep your work legacy intact. It's hard, there are many obstacles, but she's hoping your special day will envelope the negative and turn it into positive.
If only people followed your example: Being kind - just so full of goodness. Life really doesn't have to be this hard, this cruel.
There isn't a day that I don't wish to hear your voice, listen and heed your advice, and simply enjoy the greatness of you.
I will never have your wonderful personality, I don't know anyone who does. But I smile at odd times because I'm thinking of you, something you did or said ... so you're always with me - always. And you know what, if that's all I can have right now, then that's what I'll hold tight onto, and I will never let it go - a unique something that nobody can take away from me - ever.
Make sure you hug John for me, and between the two of you let us know that you have things under control.
I love you, and boy do I miss you.
dad, it's almost your birthday and instead of being flooded with great memories - and lots of tears because i miss you so much - things are going very poorly down here. dad, please help. i don't know what can be done but if there is any hope at all...please help us. we're fighting for you at every turn and it's getting worse and worse.
Oh Dad, i can't believe that it's almost October already! when the weather turns cool in the early mornings i always get the feeling that i used to get when we were getting ready to hit the road - packing up the car for our vacation in orlando. some days it's a little too much for me. the memories are so thick, so real and now, so sad. i miss you Dad, i think about you every single day and i don't care who knows it. those who knew you and how we loved you don't need an explanation. anyone who doesn't understand, well....
i hope you know what's going on and can see that me and laura are doing the best we can. so are the kids. they miss you so much!
i love you.
Dad - We've been celebrating a bunch of things for Brequelle! She went to her prom a couple of weeks ago and looked like a beautiful young lady!! I was going to wait for the pictures to be sent to me so I could post one for you but I don't want to wait. She graduated from high school this past Saturday - can you believe it??!! High School! Laura and Joe took everyone out for dinner, then back to the house for cake, coffee and....GIFTS. Brequelle made out quite well and guess what she said after we counted the loot? "I'm gonna get a Chanel bag". The kid is a riot. It reminds me of when everything was Coach and you always teased her about it. Now it's Chanel. In a couple of days Brequelle will be 18 years old. Holy smokes, time is just flying by. And I miss you as much as ever. I look at your picture every day and talk to you too. I wish you would send me a sign so I know you are okay. I worry about you. I miss you & love you.
Dad - please give John a hug for me. I hope you guys are together, laughing and having fun. I miss you so much.
Dad - I can't believe how time is flying by. I hope you know what happened yesterday. I am relieved, Laura is relieved. Very much so. At this point all we know is that you always did the right thing, always looked at the sunny side, always stayed positive in the face of tremendous adversity. You are admired, loved and missed so much.
Today is your birthday. We went to see you today, brought flowers and things for you. Me, Laura, Joe, Christopher and Brequelle. Your fan club, that's us.
Maureen spoke with Laura on the phone today and she emailed me to let me know that she remembers what day it is today. Maureen is just so kind to us, Dad. So is Marcel.
Christopher's B I G birthday is coming up very soon. He's going to be 21. Time is flying but at the same time it is moving so slowly.
I miss you every day and will love you always.
Happy Birthday Dad (cha, cha, cha)
dad, laura has summed it up quite eloquently. as she tends to do :)
we are looking for you and are very anxious to hear anything at all. please.
love you, miss you.
WHERE ARE YOU?
Another Christmas and New Year's Eve came and went.
I visited you and John, reduced to sharing my emotions, love and sadness with a plant. Although, I try to get you stuff that I know you would appreciate.
Barbara and I try, but it's difficult to say the least. Such a gaping hole exists in our hearts, and it will never fill in for us. Time will never heal this wound. I mostly go through the motions primarily for Christopher and Brequelle. They are affected, so I try to do my best. Christopher has told me how he misses you and wishes you were here, but he keeps alot of stuff in. Brequelle is equally bothered, but she lets more out. You know, their personalities.
I drive Barbara crazy with my sadness, I try not to bog her down -- but I need to speak with her, to touch base, to let her know what I'm thinking. When I'm down she helps me, and I hope that when she's down I help her. That's what you taught us, that's what we're doing.
You are so missed, you are so needed.
Your pictures brighten my day, and sadden my day at the same time.
I wish I could hug you, talk with you, kid around with you. I miss you more every day.
It's not fair.
Hi Dad - I'm hoping you know what's going on down here. I don't want to write it out but I'm pretty sure you know. Please look for Alan and give him a big hug, mess up his hair a little bit and shake hands. Dad, things stink down here. Laura and I talk about you all the time, I think about you every day. I ran across a great picture of you in the Flintstone mobile at Universal many years ago. I put it on my facebook page and sent it to Christopher and Laura. I am going to try to see if I can publish it here also. You look adorable! Miss you, love you....UB
My name is Patricia Femister, "Stormy" and I are first cousins. I am the daughter of Tom Femister, your uncle, who died in 1965. I remember Stormy driving me from Long Island to New Jersey where I was vacationing with friends. He was only supposed to take me to Grand Central. We got along very well, even tho we barely knew each other. I happened upon this web site by accident. When I saw the name Femister, and especially Stormy, I had to drop in. I had no knowledge of Stormy after we met in 1956. I knew Eddie, his Dad, he came and stayed with my family in Bloomington, Illinois. I would so love to hear from any of you now. Bring me up to date. From you messages, I see that Stormy had the love of a close family.
Hope to hear from someone, and I offer you my deepest sympathy. I have lived in Northern California (Bay Area) for many years. Hope to hear from someone.
Dad - I am on my way over to visit you. Two years since you've been gone. Seems like a lifetime but at the same time, like a few days ago. I really have no words to tell you how much I miss you. UB xxxooo
Hi Dad -
Today is Brequelle's birthday!! Laura had her party on Sunday - she made out pretty good! She is 17 years old now and still Brequelle (only taller).
Maureen and Marcel were at the party and of course, we talk about you but Maureen told me something that has been haunting me since Sunday. It was about Tommy (your brother) and Topper (the movie) and that he said that's really how it is. I've never seen Topper but Maureen told me the premise. And she told me how Tommy "told" her. Is that really true?! I hope.
I am finding it very hard to move forward because that is leaving you behind. And I can't do that. I am doing my best but it is a struggle to not cry all the time.
I miss you like crazy, think of you all the time and love you always.
Brequelle here and it's my birthdayyy :] yay! It's like I want to be happy, but at the same time I can't because you aren't here with me. Well we celebrated my birthday with everyone. Got ALOT of stuff. UB gave me an id bracelet like yours. I love it. I miss you. I love you. Visit me please. <3
I can't believe it is almost 2 years since you were called home. You certainly had a rocky road.
Your last seven months here will be in my memory forever. The comfort you gave me when I went to visit you made realize just what a great guy are. Everyone up at St. Charles loved you. They saw a man playing out his cards with dignity and a sense of humor. Like you always said it's not the hand it's how you play it.
You are missed and loved.
Tell Dad, Mom,Tommy and John that I always think about them and tell Dad that I am still praying for him since 1962 I can almost hear you laugh! Remember you always said God has a sense of humor. Sorry it took me so long to write but I am not too good at expressing myself.
I haven't wrote to you in a while, and I think today is the perfect day to finally update you on some things! Well last night I went to see Britney Spears and let me tell you it was AMAZING! and I know what you're thinking... but grandpa seriously she is making a comeback! It was like the best show ever! I wish you were here so I could show you pictures and stuff; but I guess I can manage just telling you. There were all types of cirus people. Just like words cannot describe how amazing it was. I was like jumping in my seat, well I was standing most of the time but AHHHH! it was just amazing!
Anyway, Easter is coming and St. Patrick's Day recently passed and you are still missed. Before you know it I'm gonna be seventeen, which means before you know it, it'll be two years. I love you more than words I just only wish you could be here. I LOVE YOU!
Hi Dad -
I was watching The Apprentice tonight by myself and it was really pretty sad because it reminded so much of you, calling down asking who I thought would get fired, what team did the best job on their task - all that stuff. Very sad indeed.
We're having kind of a big snowstorm tonight - it's 2:27 in the morning and I have this overwhelming need to talk to you. The snowstorm reminds me very much of when the kids stayed over and it snowed like crazy (ended up being 26 inches) and you called Laura to ask if they could stay over one more night. They were so excited! We had so much fun. Brequelle had me drive to Mike's and spend a fortune on junk food. And really, how much good stuff could we have gotten?!
And American Idol is on again and that too is sad for me. When I would go over to Laura's to watch, you would call the kids and ask what they thought of whoever the singer was or of what Simon said.
Just about everything in this life is intertwined with you.
You don't know that we got a new kitten, her name is Scarlette. We got her in November and she was less than two pounds! She is all black with a tiny white spot on her chest and a white "smiley face" on her belly. She's really cute but very mischevious as can be expected with kittens. I forgot to tell you about her in my previous notes to you.
The other night I was up literally all night (until 7 am) and I couldn't sleep. I was sitting on a rocking chair in the living room, flipping through the stations and looking at your picture. I am having such a hard time. As I've told you before, what is getting me most upset is that I don't think we've gotten a sign that you are okay. In any case, I saw the Game Show Network (remember Brequelle with that?!?) and I stopped and Family Fued was on. I watched for a bit, then kept flipping through the stations. About an hour later I stop again on the Game Show Network and it's Match Game. Ugh - it was a really old one with Gene Rayburn as the host, Brett Summers, Richard Dawson, Betty White - real old show. In any case, it was a curiosity at that point (the old style clothing, the insane microphone that Rayburn used, the weird looking set). So I'm watching as the existing contestant loses something but she still got to play and then they are introducing a new contestant. She starts talking about her husband who is a DJ and she has two kids and her name is Stormy. I thought I was hearing things. I wasn't. All through the rest of the game Rayburn was saying Stormy when he talked to her. I was flipping and wondering if that was your way of saying hi or something. By the way, I watched to the end and it was from 1975. The year of the baby blue Eldorado with the white convertible top and white leather interior. When I hear 1975 I immediately think of you, kinda always have but more so now.
Dad, I miss you more than I can say. I hope that Match Game show was your sign.
Christopher turned 20!!! Yep, he really is 20 years old now.
Yesterday we went to Christopher's birthday dinner, then back to Laura & Joe's for cake, coffee and the presents. Maureen and Marcel put some pictures of you from when you were a very young man in Christopher's card. Oh Dad, you were in the backyard at your house in Westbury and you looked so young! But of course, you were dressed up and yes...wearing a ring or two. So cute. There was one picture of you and your dad holding your dog over the barbeque pit. Absolutely adorable.
Christopher made out pretty good for his birthday. We had a fun time but it was not as great as it could've been if you were there. A little strange but sometimes I say quite funny things that sound like something you would've said and it surprises me.
You are missed by all of us. I can't imagine how Christopher and Brequelle must feel inside - they were so close to you, so trusting and innocent in ways that kids are.
I hope that you know what's happening here. I have talked to Laura alot about being so upset because we're not getting any kind of sign from you that you are okay. I don't want to give up hope. Please send us a sign Dad. Please.
Love you and miss you.
It's me =]. I FINALLY have a snow day so I figured I'd stop by. Well first off, I hope you liked my pink rose and pink heart that I left you for your birthday. I miss and love you so much and I wish you were here so we could celebrate.
Chris is turning twenty! I really can't believe it. I don't want him to grow up. I don't want to grow up. It just doesn't feel right doing so if you aren't here. Somedays I feel like everyone is just frozen in time waiting for you to come back, but then when holidays pass, and birthdays come I realize time isn't stopping, it just keeps going with or without you; and it's scary.
I love you very much Grandpa, and i miss youu,
Dad - well, today is your birthday. I am still in shock.
All day today I was thinking about how much I would look forward to your birthday every year. Try to pick out just the perfect gift and in recent years, clothing was usually the choice. I very fondly remember a few years ago you saying, "you know UB, you always pick out the best shirts for me!" And inevitably, it would be a black shirt with some sort of color stripes.
And the polka dot ties! I remember years and years ago, me and Laura bought you a very expensive (at the time for us it was probably our paycheck) Pierre Cardin navy blue tie with white polka dots AND the pocket square. This was decades ago and we were so excited to give it to you.
And of course I remember making cards for you when I was a little kid.
Now my last memory of your birthday was your "party" in LIJ - the flowers, balloons, cake, presents and most important... YOU.
Laura, Christopher and Brequelle went to the cemetary today and came over afterward. Me and Kevin went too and brought your "presents" - a birthday cake made out of flowers, an angel sitting in God's hands and a rock with a dragonfly on it that says "wish". I wish you were still here. I am crushed and somewhat demoralized without you here.
Next week is Christopher's birthday. He'll be 20 if you can believe that! I will never forget the fun we had with him and Brequelle while they were growing up.
And the Christopherisms: Can be tinued. Darken. "Da da da da, dee dee dee dee" (that's my song! don't sing my song!) I want mm's and orange soda....wait! i want orange soda and bufinger! Our christmas feast of roast beast. No Yarry King mommy...
I could go on all night. Just for a minute there I wasn't crying - i was smiling thinking back.
Dad, I can only hope that you are celebrating your birthday with your Mom and Dad, Tommy, John and so many others.
I love you. Happy Birthday. (cha cha cha)
Another Christmas came. I did my best . . . sort of just went through the motions. We wound up playing Scategories. I didn't want to play at first - you know, people were here, etc., but I just didn't have the heart. A calming smile washed across my head when I thought of your wrong answer, "Daisy Duck": How we all just howled with laughter that day. I kept every entry you played, they're in the box.
I have different pictures of you in most rooms so you are always with me. Before I leave the house to go to work, I specifically look at the picture in my room. I pick up the frame, shake my head in disbelief . . . which quickly falls into emptiness . . . kiss the frame then place it back down in its place. That way I get to see you and touch base with you. Sometimes I say things under my breath, sometimes not, but it's my way of keeping you close to me and letting you know I am always thinking of you.
I cry, and then I cry some more. I cry at home, on the way to work in the car, at work, on the way home in the car, and then again at home. Some days it's intense, some days it's just plain sad. Some days I talk with Barbara, some days I don't because of her individual ability to cope with this struggle.
All in all I feel very empty and cheated. Infamous Stormy stories, great memories and warm feelings simply don't soothe my aching soul. I am very sad. Sad that I wish you were here to see our successes and failures, to share your viewpoint and calming advice along the way.
I miss you more than words can ever capture. I'm just not smart enough to express my inner feelings into words. I just want you to somehow let me know you're looking out for us and everything will be alright.
You are the best dad in the whole wide world. As kids, me and Barbara always felt and knew that, but as I get older it is no longer a kid loving their dad thing - it's a real respect and understanding for the bottomless kindness and love you shared with us.
I guess it's corny, but it becomes crystal clear that we have a remarkable dad, and that is our priceless, enduring Christmas gift -- everyday.
You are cherished.
I love you.
I just read UB's entree and I'm now crying in the library at school; I look like a freak. Anywho, UB told ya! I GOT MY PERMITTTTT!! I was flipping out. I can't wait to drive. I only wish you were here. First thing this weekend I'm going to ask mommy to take me out with the jeep. I'm gonna be an excellent driver. I see it now- the next Danica Patrick =] just kidding.
Christmas is coming yet again. No more Christmas Eve. at your house. Everyone will probably come to my house and everyone is going to be upset. I understand, I have my days when I'm crying every other second because something so tiny reminds me of you.
My friend Michael pointed out this guy that looks EXACTLY like you, except his hair wasn't quite as curly. He is always at the bar near Paul's Market and when I see him I like freak out. I can't really handle seeing someone that looks like you. I want to just run up and hug him because it's like you're here, but then I'd be hugging a total stranger and that's a little weird. So I'll hold back. haha! What an odd little granddaughter you have. But you know you love me ;]
Well I got to get back to catching up on homework. I love you so so so so much Grandpa. I miss you. <3
Brequelle called this afternoon with BIG news...she got her driver's permit!
The very first thing I thought to ask her was, "Did you call Poppy yet?!" Of course I stopped myself when reality hit - again - and asked, "Did you call Mommy yet?", "Did you call Dad yet?"
She was so, so happy. She was squealing and I could picture her jumping up and down. SO CUTE.
Dad, you're not here for this and I'm heartbroken.
I will miss you every day for the rest of my life. I think about you all the time. I love you.
I can't stop thinking about you. I see your face every day. I hear your voice. I hear your laugh. There are so many things that we all did together. I have so many great memories but they are only memories. I can't hug a memory or give a memory a kiss or tell things to a memory.
Dad, every day I hope to get a sign from you that you are okay. I'm losing hope and to think that this is "it" is too much for me.
I love you, Dad. I miss you very much and I am struggling without you.
Love, hugs & kisses,
Without you here is getting worse and worse. I really wish this whole thing was one big long nightmare. School is really busy, junior year. My art classes are giving me ALOT of homework! It's hard to juggle everything.
I just wanted to let you know i LOVE YOUUU more than words can explain, and I miss you so much!
Brequelle =] <3
I hope everyday you are with me, guiding me through one of the roughest times in my life with Key Associates and the new world we live in. I am applying everything you taught me and then some to make this all work. Everyday I hope you hear me when I am looking for your guidance, I sometimes feel you are right here with me. Well I know you have met my dad and you are probably talking about movies and songs from the past. I sit hear wishing you and dad were having those conversations right here in front of me like you use to. I have been trying to understand why all of this has happen and for the life of me, I don't understand. I don't blame God or Jesus for not answering my prayers. I think we all have a responsibility to ourselves to take care of our health. But we all live as we see fit and take life for granted. We are all guilty of this. I now hold everyday with my mother, my family, and my friends near and dear to me and try to make everyday better than the last. I miss you and my dad and wanted you to know that. And thank you for I sometimes think your my motivation. This is not good bye this is until we meet again.
Hi Dad -
Another big day that I struggled to get through was my birthday. It is so upsetting that you are not here for the second birthday. I am miserable and especially so in the days leading up to my birthday. I just feel so lost.
Everyone really was so nice to me but I felt like running away. My friends at work gave me a party, presents, cake, etc. Mom left me a voice mail message saying Happy Birthday. Joanie sent me a beautiful card and a really gorgeous cross necklace - it's so nice that Joanie always remembers me!
Kevin had a dinner party for me at the new place - Laura, Joe, Chris, Brequelle, Maureen & Marcel - and gave me something I wanted for a long time (eggplant colored pot set from Farberware) and other nice gifts too!
Laura gave me an unbelievable star ruby/diamond necklace; Joe gave me very pretty white gold star earrings; the kids gave me a red star tealight holder & an angel cat sculpture and Maureen & Marc gave me a Lenox ruby slippers pillbox!!
You would've had a ball that night, everyone was in a good mood - lots of laughing, teasing and ... food!
We talked about you many times. It seems like whatever we're talking about there was something that you had said that all of us, especially the kids, remember - like "Sapphire" or "Ruby" - and we just crack up!!!
Marc, Joe, Christopher & Laura were talking politics, you would've loved it. The thing that was missing was YOU.
I miss you Dad. Love you...
Hey, it's me again =]. Well let me tell you, this year was really fast and crazy. A whole bunch of stuff happened- most of wish didn't. I'm sixteen and you,my favorite, my buddy, my main squeeze, aren't here to celebrate it with me. No poker, no yahtzee, no scatergories. Everything, and I mean EVERYTHING is different.
I catch myself looking at all the pictures of you. I also worry whether or not you'll be happy with what I do. The last thing I want to do is disappoint you. Summer is beginning and I am super excited. I think I'll be working at Debbie's Rita's Italian Ice. Yeah, I know what you're thinking... my sister bought a Rita's Italian Ice place =].
I went to see you today and on the 13th. After you I swung by Uncle John's. From now on I'll be coming alot. Or at least try to. Uncle John needs some T.L.C , there is like a ginormus hole. I'll be fixing it.
Well I gotta go. I love you. Just filling you in on what happening even though you already know. I LOVE YOU!
Brequelle. =] <3
Well I'm finally sixteen!I missed you so much.I was really hard for me. I need you back you're the only one who actually understands me. Aunt MAureen gave me a photo album of pictures of you. I started to cry my eyes out. I love you grandpa. Its gonna be a year without you soon. Boy oh boy did that go fast. Gotta get back to English ,believe it or not but I wrote this whole thing on my iPod. Haha! I love you!
Hi Dad -
I wanted to let you know that yesterday we went to Brequelle's birthday party. We missed you!
The immediate group was there: Joe's mom, Ugo, Frances, Maureen, Marcel, mom and of course Laura, Joe, Christopher, Brequelle, Kevin and me.
We had a barbeque but had to stay inside because it was about 96 degress outside. Yuck.
Brequelle made out pretty good - got lots of cash & gifts. You would've loved watching her open the "loot".
Maureen made a photo album for her with pictures of you in it. She cried her eyes out. Then I asked her if I could see it and then Christopher looked at it and we were all crying so hard. I cried the rest of the day.
You know, there's a picture of you as a teenager standing in front of a new car in front of your house in Westbury and boy, does it remind me of Christopher. The way you were standing reminded me of Christopher - something about the shyness almost that jumped out at me. I told Kevin and he knew what I meant immediately.
Dad, I've been having such a hard time dealing with missing you so much. Last night I just couldn't stop crying. I feel like a jerk sometimes but it is overwhelming.
I gotta go back to work. Just wanted to let you know about Brequelle's birthday and how much we all wished you were there.
love you. miss you.
Hi Dad -
Well, we just about moved everything into the new place. Wow, so much stuff!! Joe and Christopher helped Kevin move the heavy stuff. Me and Laura unpacked boxes. There are still boxes to be unpacked!! There are still things to be moved but the bulk of it is done. Ugh.
I think you would like the place - it kind of reminds me of the apartment in Levittown. Boy, that was such a great place to live. I often pass it when I'm driving north on the Wantagh Parkway and every single time I do there's such a pang of sadness. You know, kind of a longing to go back in time.
Just the other day I was remembering when me and Laura were little, we would wait outside for you to come home. We would look up and down Newbridge Road and would jump up & down when we saw your car. I'm sure you remember how we would run as fast as we could to give you a hug. I wish I could do that again.
Dad, we have a kitten named Kubby. Obviously you never met him but I think you'd get a kick out of him. We got him in February and he just turned six months old. Gray with a white belly & crest, white "boots" on his back legs and a little white on his front paws. His tail is kind of tabby - gray with very dark gray stripes. Oh, if you were wondering why we named him Kubby...K(evin) UB...Kub. Turned into Kubby. Corny, huh?? :)
Brequelle's birthday is in three days - remember her countdowns?!? Funny kid!
Dad, next Friday you will have been gone ONE YEAR. This has been the roughest year of my life and in a weird way, the quickest year. I would give anything to have you back. As I've said before, life has changed. Things are so different. The fun is gone. The spark is gone. You are gone. There's a void that doesn't seem like it can be filled.
I hope you can see what's going on. If you would send me any kind of a sign, please, I need it.
Miss you, love you.
Hi Dad -
There's so much going on and hopefully you know all of it.
As I try to fall asleep at night, I see you in my mind's eye and for a split second I think you're still here. Then reality hits, and hits hard, and I know you're not coming back.
I can't tell you how many times I've heard you walking down the stairs, keys jingling as you call out, "Little Barb, I'm going to Mike's...you need anything?" It's heartwrenching. It's just almost too much for me.
Kevin and I are moving in a couple of weeks and although it's the right thing to do, it just finalizes everything. That our plan to be together will never materialize and that I have to move on. But moving on does NOT mean forgetting you Dad. NEVER. I will never forget you or the wonderful things you've done for so many people for so many years.
Joe thinks you hid the keys. Did you?!!? If you did - good for you!
I sorely miss you and wish you could hear me. I love you.
Dad, I think about you every day. So much is going on and I wish you were here to help me think clearly. I'm telling you, not an hour goes by that I don't think about you. I MISS YOU VERY MUCH. I love you and wish things would've been the way we planned. You'd have been home with us, Christopher & Brequelle, Laura & Joe and everyone. We've been spending a fair amount of time with Maureen & Marcel lately. They are wonderful people and Kevin noticed how much you and Maureen look alike. I really took notice and he's right - you can see that you two are brother & sister.
Well Dad. I just wanted to tell you that I'm thinking of you always. Please send me a sign so I know you're okay.
Tomorrow is easter, and I'm actually going to go to church. Isn't that amazing?! I'm going to go with my friend Michele. Anthony's grandfather died, the wake is on Easter, and Chris and me are going to go.I feel as if when you died, i've been trying to do everything good. I don't want to be a disappointment to you. I was looking through pictures and I saw one of you, me, Chris, Daddy, Mommy, and Grandma with E.T. I never saw that picture in my WHOLE entire life. Me and you have no pictures together, I wish our family was more of a picture/ scrap-booking family because we would have had many pictures. I love you Grandpa <3
I'm going to keep this one short and sweet but I promise I'll write soon. I love you ♥
My tears begin today...
Words cannot express my sorrow and disbelief. I have missed you for so long, and now I will have to miss you forever.
It was an honor and a gift to have had you in my life and your memory will be with me always.
My love and adoration is endless.
Rest in peace my sweet friend,
Dad - it's the day after Christmas and I'm so sad.
If there's a way for you to know what's happening here, you'll know that me and Kevin went to Laura & Joe's on Christmas day. Christopher & Brequelle came over here after they left Fred's and on the way to Laura's on Christmas me, Kevin, Chris and Brequelle stopped by the cemetary to visit you. Brequelle and Christopher were crying their eyes out. I hope you like the christmas bear, handkerchiefs and christmas tree cake. Chris and Brequelle gave you flowers.
Anyhow Daddy ... This is awful. Me and Laura cried so much after opening gifts. Because we really are alone now. It's just us. i feel sad, angry & lost without you.
Of course I'm crying now just writing this. I miss you so much and wish
- more than anything - that you could've been with us opening presents, making jokes, teasing Brequelle ("look - this is Coach"), maybe we'd play cards too.
I gotta sign off now. I love you. Please give me some kind of sign if you can.
Thanksgiving was horrible. Plain and simple. We had no Thanksgiving dinner, and we were all not together, and you weren't there. I was at daddys in the morning, Chris went with Marguerite to the parade, then came to daddys. After daddys Chris and I stopped by to see grandma. Boy do I hate going back to your house, seeing your car, knowing that you belong here. Anywho, I miss you. Christmas is twenty seven days away. Christmas is going to be hard.
I don't want to not do something on Christmas. Chris and I think the same, everyone else is like " Brequelle it's just too hard." and believe me Grandpa, I know it is, but I also know Christmas was your favorite holiday and you wouldn't want us all depressed. This is going to be hard. I can't even imagine what's going on on New Years Eve.
Grandpa, please be here. Well, I know you will, but try extra hard to let us know you are. Tell the big guy to allow you to give us a sign. I love you more than words can explain. I miss you. Everything about you. I want you here.
Hi Dad -
I've been thinking about you just about constantly. Last night was a bad night - I kept thinking that it's just about a year since me and Laura took you to the hospital - I just couldn't stop myself from crying. It seems so fresh in my mind, like it was yesterday.
We had a mini Thanksgiving. Just me, mommy & Kevin. Actually, Kevin busted his rear making a great Thanksgiving dinner. He tried to make it as nice as possible but it was so sad for everyone. Christopher and Brequelle dropped by to see Mommy for a while and when I went up there to talk to them - they looked lost. I felt upset just looking at their faces. They miss you so much.
All Thanksgiving day I felt like I was waiting for you ask us if we needed anything at the store - you know, last minute stuff - like you always did. And you'd come back with what we needed plus all kinds of stuff we didn't need plus Dunkin Donuts crullers and boxes of donuts for "later". So funny!
That's what we're missing - all the fun. The fun is gone.
Dad, I'm really trying to remember all the good times & all the fun you brought to us. But it is so hard. And now that the holidays are coming up, I just don't know what we're gonna do to get through it.
love & hugs,
Yo Poppy-Doo. I love you. Lets get down to business, Mommy's birthday is tomorrow. Please please please be here, or really be with her. She's going to have a rough time. She's spending it with Aunt Maureen and Uncle Marcel and her friend Tina out east doing the whole wine tasting thing. I don't think I'm going to go.
Anyway, I miss you. I still am in disbelief. It just doesn't feel real. Grandpa, I just want to let you know that you fought hard, don't think you could of done better, because you did the best. I never gave up on you. No one wanted this to happen. I guess God really does take angels. First Uncle John and now you...OH and I bet you know Kevin and UB are getting married. Everything is happening so fast. June was five months ago.
Thanksgiving is coming up. I have no idea what we are all doing. I don't even think we are doing anything. It'll feel soo empty. You know I can still hear you saying "Pope, pope, pope daddy" I always smile because of you. I also always look back at pictures and watch the home videos. I saw Grandmas 50th Birthday Party. Seeing you pick up Christopher from Mommy's arms was great to see, even though the important one wasn't born yet, I'm just kidding, but seeing that made me realize how important he and I were to you. He was like your son. I was just another annoying daughter.
Well I love you Grandpa and miss you more than words can explain. I'll write to you probably Thanksgiving and tell you what went down. I love you
I find myself crying . . . and then smiling as I nod my head in a reassuring manner – because, simply put, I am the proudest that you are my dad.
How lucky for me.
Everyone who had the uncanny good fortune of living your colorful life with you know that you touched us all in different ways. The unique gifts you left each and every one of us ultimately will bring us all to the remarkable reality that God chose you – a very special man – to grace our individual paths.
How lucky we all are.
While I struggle living with that piece of my soul which will forever be empty, ironically, it’s the same piece that will forever be filled with absolute wonderful thoughts of my great dad.
Hi Dad -
Hopefully you know everything that's going on - I have to keep telling myself that even though you're not here with us, you're still with us. I only wish there was some way to connect with you...remember the cardboard in my shoes?! You were positive it was John telling us that he was okay and it was his way of getting us to laugh?! Dad, I'm looking for the cardboard or anything at all.
I am having such a hard time without you. So is Brequelle, Laura, Chris, Joe and everyone. Kevin probably has the worst of it because he has to deal with me! And you know how that can be.
Laura and I talk about you all the time and I don't think we'll ever be able to adjust. You were our bright light, the voice of reason, our fierce defender, our shoulder to lean on when the going got tough and most importantly, our Dad.
Joanie was here for a visit and just went back to Orlando on Sunday. How I wish you could've been there to see her, hang out, play cards, tell jokes, laugh, tease, mess up her hair. It's so sad.
Back in June, Joanie sent me a card and she wrote things in that card that I think about very often...that we were so lucky to have you as our father and that you taught us to stick together, no matter what, which served us well. How true! I can only say that if you didn't teach us to stick together through thick and thin and to never let anyone tear us apart, we wouldn't have survived this past year. You did good Dad. You always did good. I miss you very much.
Love, kisses & hugs,
I'm in denial that you're gone. I miss you more than anything. I knew that once this happened I'd cry and hurt, but I didn't realize it would a everyday thing. You always just pop in my head at random times, I like that, keep visiting.
As UB wrote, we tried the telethon thing, yeah it was boring without you. Even though you didn't really enjoy it because it is depressing, you made it better. You really did just make everything better, and I mean everything. I love you grandpa =/.
PLEASE continue to watch over us. We really need you. Everyone is just so emotional now. Mom will just start crying outof nowhere because she's thinking of you, and then I start to.[which isn't a surprise to you] I just really want you back. I know everyone is saying they miss you, and I don't doubt that they do, but I seriously need you back here. I miss you more than it's possible to miss someone. Im not going to say I miss you the most, because everyone misses you a whole bunch but I know I really really do miss you.
Grandpa this whole thing doesn't seem real, and it obviosuly is if I'm writing you a letter. I just want to hug you. I want to say I love you and you say I love you more. I want you to get me dunkin donuts and carvel. I want to play poker with you. I want to be your only and favorite granddaughter. I want you to be my one and only favorite grandpa. I want you here
. I love you. I'll be writing soon. I just don't want you thinking I don't care or I forgot you. Grandpa, that will never ever happen don't even worry.
I love you so much!
Love you always,
Dad, we attempted to have the "telethon" party on Sunday. We tried. Kevin and I went over to Laura and Joe's, brought the usual array of junk. Brequelle and Christopher and Christopher's girlfriend, Marguerite, were there. You never met Marguerite! Very nice girl. Very smart (like Christopher) and cute. It was just not the same, Dad. Jerry looked very good! But it just isn't the same. We were kinda making fun like we always do but I missed you so much.
I keep feeling like you're away on a trip or something and you'll be back soon. I feel like I'm just holding on to tell you stuff until you get back. When reality hits, which is probably hourly, I feel like I may not be able to hold on.
I really miss you Dad. This is just terrible. Know that I think of you all the time. You know that. I'll talk to you again soon.
Stormy, You are one tough Irish ironworker! You came full circle. My heart broke seeing you suffer but you pulled a "Momma". No complaining, a smile & still your sense of humor. When I first went to visit you at the hospital, I was talking to Momma, like I always do. Ma,what should I say to Stormy? And then I heard "Tell him everything is gonna be all right". So I did- A message from heaven. I know you are with Momma, Pop, John & Tommy. And everything is all right....
I feel as though I will be writing in this alot. It helps me get my feelings out and I know you will read it.
Well this has to be one of the hardest months for me, and the quickest. It went by so fast. I think that I'm going to visit you and everything will be okay; but deep down inside I know that won't happen. I truly miss you and love you soooo much, you have no idea. I recieved my birthday card from Grandma and it was signed by you
and Grandma. Well we all know you didn't sign it because you never did, with the exception of Christmas cards, but it still said "Poppy"
. I will make sure I keep that card forever. I will never see Poppy written on anything ever again.
Grandpa, you have to do me one favor...look out for everyone. Make sure everyone is okay. I know everyone needs it. Promise me that you'll watch over Grandma, UB, Mom and Chris. They really need you to be their guardian angel.
I love you Poppy ?
more than words can explain.
Telly Belly [Brequelle]
For those of you who knew my Dad, you know that many years ago he lost his son-in-law to cancer. That son-in-law was my husband, John.
These last several days so many things have been playing over and over again in my mind. The terrific support my father was to me and my husband, the thoughtful advice he gave me, the kindness he showed my husband, the endless patience he had for me.
I remember when my husband was undergoing surgery to confirm (or not confirm) that he had a very rare form of cancer, my father and I were roaming the halls of Mt. Sinai Medical Center – separately. I was lost in the maze of corridors and my Dad was looking for me. I finally saw him and he was carrying my husband’s belongings in one of those “patient belongings” bags. His normally ruddy face was pale. He looked as though he’d been crying. He said that the surgeon came out already and told him that my husband had cancer. I sat on the floor in the middle of the corridor and cried my eyes out. My Dad tried to console me. He couldn’t. He tried like hell, but he couldn’t. I looked into his eyes – those very kind, normally sparkling eyes now red and puffy from crying – searching for something, anything that I could hold onto. I couldn’t believe what was happening.
On the ride home to Long Island, I was screaming, crying, ranting & raving. I kept asking, “why?” “why is God doing this to John?” “Dad, tell me why this is happening?” He said a few things that I’ll never forget. He said, “Barb, stop asking why. We don’t know the answer to that question and you’ll drive yourself crazy if you keep asking why. I did that when my own father passed away and I almost wound up in the nuthouse” (he really said that!) Then he said, “You have to play the hand you’re dealt. Play your hand. Be the person you are, treat John just the same, don’t give up on him. I won’t give up either. I’m gonna play the hand we’re dealt. He’s gonna be okay. Trust me.”
Well, my husband wasn’t okay. He fought like hell and died within five years. My Dad later said that he was never the same after my husband died. And I could see it in his face – he aged ten years in two months. He was crushed. He lost his best buddy. Those two loved each other.
I have many of the same feelings now. Why? Why did this happen to my father? He fought like hell. Right to the bitter end he was talking about coming home and his big concern was telling people what happened to him. We reassured him that all the important people already know and they love him just the same – he will never have to explain to them. He never did have to explain. I’ve lost my best buddy but then everyone who knew my Dad pretty well thought he was their best buddy too.
My mother, father, niece, nephew and I used to play poker almost every weekend for the last several years. For those of you who played cards with my Dad, you’ll know that he had a way with words when he played cards. (knock, knock – “pot right?”, “and a Jake…and a nickel…and a pair of ladies…and a four, no help”).
We’re gonna play the hand we were dealt, Dad.
I cant even begin to tell you how upset I am that you are no longer here. I want to let you know that I love you and you were, and will remain, my favorite grandpa. Nothing will be the same without you. Even the silly simple things.
Dunkin Donuts will never be plain Dunkin Donuts. Cadillacs won't just be Cadillacs, they will always be your car. Playing cards without you is like swimming in a pool with no water, it's impossible. I doubt that I'll think Coach is the same. I'll always remember you making fun of my for my materialistic ways by holding up your glasses' case and saying,"Brequelle, this is Coach."
I'll always remember answering the phone and you say,"Laura?." and I say," No, it's Brequelle." and you would reply," You know something Brequelle, you sound just like your Mama." I always waited for friday to come because I would walk up the little hill on my block and see you waiting in your car so you can drive Chris and I over for cards, food, fun, and movies. You made everything better. If I got in trouble, you'd be the first one to get me out of it.
I would never be able to be made at you for more than 5 minutes. Grandpa, you just made me happy. Your beestings, your wacky pinky, and curly hair will never be forgotten. The most important thing to me was when I walked in your room, whatever hospital you were in at the time, and you lit up for me. You really took all of your strength to smile for me and to insure that you were okay.
I thank you for always being proud of me. Even when I screwed up big time, you always were proud of me and wanted everyone to know that I was your granddaughter. You always had a picture of me, you'd pull it out of your infamous glasses' case and say," Look at my angel." You really knew how to make me happy. You hated to see me cry, even though we went through a crying scene every weekend, you hated it. You would always say," Your eyes must be crystal clear from crying all the time."
Evem Florida will never be the same. Florida was pretty much your property.I mean being the what, 7th one to have a timeshare in Orange Lake has to mean something. I can't imagine going there and not being able to call you and tell yo how great Disney is. It even hurts more knowing that you really wanted to go to Disney once you got out of the hospital, but now we all can't go as a family. I love you and miss you Poppy. Nothing will be the same without you.
Love Always Your Favorite Granddaughter, Brequelle.
Rest your mind, body & soul, your legacy lives on. You have touched the hearts of so many people. Your love, life & laughter will remain with each and everyone of us till the end of time.
May your hearts soon be filled with wonderful memories of joyful times together as you celebrate a life well-lived.