thank you so much for the words you wrote about Spencer and his death. My darling Ali died on January 20th this year. I just sent this to our friends and family hoping it will also help them:
There is one thing in particular that Ali's close friends and I have been struggling to reconcile since her death. Specifically, we all sincerely believe that her death was an accident. But, to be blunt, how does someone accidentally hang themselves??? Still - we all know that Ali did NOT want to die. Suicide was, and still is, completely inconsistent with our experience of her. She had plans for and was excited about the future. She had just moved into a beautiful apartment with her childhood best friends. She had just told Coral she was excited about eating some yummy leftovers for lunch the next day. She was happy! How could someone who lit up the room when she walked into it willingly extinguish that light?
The attached article helped me get at least a partial answer to my question... ALCOHOL... "seductive, deadly alcohol. The drug that brings down the walls and helps us feel close – as long as we're drunk. The drug that circles back and rakes out your heart... The drunken impulse in a moment of despair that can never be taken back."
That last sentence says it all for me.... THE DRUNKEN IMPULSE OF A MOMENT OF DESPAIR THAT CAN NEVER BE TAKEN BACK. Of course, the end result is the same - she is gone. I hope this is helpful to those who were close to Ali. It does give me a bit of closure and helps me make at least a little sense out of such a senseless loss.