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February 01, 2015

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February 01, 2015

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December 27, 2014
Dearest Mom and Dad,

Another St. John's Day arrives and I realize this will be the only time today that I will be somewhat content as I write this.

Writing somewhat tempers the loneliness and sadness so I can engulf myself for a few moments with thoughts of both of you. I try my hardest to maintain the brightness of your lives through my own deeds and yet I always fall short in my efforts to do so.

I thank you for the gift of life and I lament my failure to provide a namesake. I've learned that heart and mind do not matter in contemporary times when features and wealth and disposition matter so much more.

I continue to do my best to honor your memories and the way I was raised but my shortcomings seem to mount. Today seems to be a day when I am most able to measure those failings as I ponder if my current state of life is some form of punishment for misdeeds.

I wanted to share my most favorite words from Scripture today--a passage from Sirach.

God sets a father in honor over his children;
a mother's authority he confirms over her sons.
Whoever honors his father atones for sins,
and preserves himself from them.
When he prays, he is heard;
he stores up riches who reveres his mother.
Whoever honors his father is gladdened by children,
and, when he prays, is heard.
Whoever reveres his father will live a long life;
he who obeys his father brings comfort to his mother.

My son, take care of your father when he is old;
grieve him not as long as he lives.
Even if his mind fail, be considerate of him;
revile him not all the days of his life;
kindness to a father will not be forgotten,
firmly planted against the debt of your sins
—a house raised in justice to you.

Having no descendants to look after me, I face a terrifying future. As I brace for those times, please look after me and pray for me and protect me. Grant me the courage to be alone and to the grace to understand why I have not been appreciated and loved by the one woman I had hoped would do so.

And, on this birthday, remember that I'll love you both always,
Jasiu
December 25, 2014
Dearest Mom and Dad,

Another Christmas Day arrives without you and I still struggle. While my memories of our Christmases remain vibrant, those memories are insufficient substitutes for your presence.

Vigil suppers with no one else around the table can be woeful indeed but the tradition is kept and kept carefully.

The loneliness I experience is somewhat tempered by the faith that you are surrounded by the light and peace of the newborn Infant and that you are both caressed by the angels and the saints.

Please pray that my loneliness and solitude do not continue to envelop and weaken me. Please pray that the difficult road I face and the worrisome decisions I need to make do not consume me.

Pray for me that as I strive to be the son you want me to be.

I'll love you both always,
Jasiu
November 11, 2014
Dearest Dad,

Happy Veterans' Day! You were and will always be my hero!

I'll love you and Mom always,
Jasiu
November 11, 2014
Dearest Mom,

I cherish all the memories that I have of you. My heart still aches at your loss and I yearn for the day when I may have the chance to see you and Dad face to face again.

Where did those 30 years go?

May you and Dad enjoy eternal light, happiness, refreshment, and peace.

I'll love you and Dad always,
Jasiu
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