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Joan Marie Carlson
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February 26, 2015
Hi Mom.....miss you and love you.
February 12, 2015
Hi Mom,
I know you know how I hate February...wish you were here to be my always were so much fun on any holiday, even the ones that aren't really "holidays". Please help me get through this month....I'm not seeing Corrine and we usually get each other through it together so it's going to be you so much. Sending hearts, love and hugs up to you and dad.....
February 03, 2015
I love you mom.....
January 27, 2015
just a little down today...thought seeing you and writing you a note would cheer me you so much and miss you more.
January 20, 2015
Hi Mom,
I wanted to pick up the phone to call you yesterday, so strange, well not really strange since I do that often but this time I was on the phone and was thinking, when I'm done here I need to call my mother and tell her I'm feeling better. I guess that just goes to show you, all those years that you always asked how I was when I was home sick.
I love you...
December 25, 2014
Merry Christmas Anna... She is always with you no matter where you go... feel your heart beating? She is in every heart beat, she is in every tear drop, she will never be gone.. I love you Girl!!
December 24, 2014
Merry Christmas mom. Seems so weird without you. Normally you and I would have been shopping, having lunch, wrapping presents. I would be at your house early this afternoon and we would chat, cook, and just have fun. Then everyone else would arrive and you would be so proud of every gift you put so much thought and time into, even down to the present you ALWAYS had on each of our plates. Then of course our traditional "poppers" before we ate and our "crowns" we all wore at dinner. I am so very grateful for all those memories mother!! I know many people that have lived a lifetime without memories that I have received in the short time you and dad were here.
love you so much, merry Christmas and please kiss my dad, auntie Marlene, Uncle Gordy, grandma's, grandpa's, and for sure Laura!! So many more as well but I don't want you spending all day kissing people...haha
love you forever, and miss you more.
December 22, 2014
Hi Mom,
Please help me get through this holiday. I am not sure why it seems even harder this year than the last four but it does for some reason. I know I will get through it, and I know it will be because you taught me to try your best at whatever it is you must do...did that make sense? ha See, there you go, you made me laugh and I wasn't even in the laughing mood.
I can't believe it's been almost five years that I have held your hand, smelled your perfume, kissed your face, and talked with you. It seems like a life time ago so many times, and then it seems like yesterday. If I could have just one wish ever it would be to have one more day with you.....(just like the song)
I love you mom!!
November 15, 2014
I wish they had something like this when My Mom went on her journey... I always read what you write in here.. She's never forgotten Anna, your a sweet daughter that she was very proud of. Love to you always..
November 14, 2014
Hey Mom,
It's been a while since I wrote here..Been a little busy, keeps me out of trouble. Went on a couple of trips and they were really nice. It was nice to get away with friends and then with Jim but I am going to always miss my trips with you.
I love you mom and miss you ever so much.
October 20, 2014
Hey Momma,
Not even sure what to say...sad, sad, sad, days coming, and going. I was at your house yesterday, getting the rest of the things out since Greg sold the house. It's so bittersweet. I miss you being there so much but I know Greg and Benjamin do as well and it's best for them to move on. and of course it's not the house we were brought up in so it's not as's just hard to think that the house isn't going to have anything of ours in it anymore, no more memories, no more you, no more brother, nephew, etc. I know this is probably a good thing in the long run, but like I say, it's still hard. There is a part of me that wants to wrap up everything in that house and keep it because it's yours but then I know I can't do that. The memories will ALWAYS be there and those are just objects...I do know this, but for some reason it's still hard.
Mom, please help Greg get through all this, it's really hard for him I think and his legs hurt so bad...I know you can help, you ALWAYS have....
love you momma!!
September 23, 2014
Hey Mom,
Well Greg did it, he sold the house. It was the last thing of yours that I could look at and have such great memories, and that's it, the memories will ALWAYS be there even if he doesn't own the house anymore. I think it was hard for him to be there, without you, and for Benjamin as well. I think it was lonely knowing that your space was empty so I'm glad that he sold it and will be moving on and making more memories in the new house and of course always bringing the old memories with us.
It's going to be hard to move the last of the stuff out of your house, for some reason it seemed if your stuff was still there it was like you were there in some way....
I miss you ever so much mom.
I love you forever and a day.
August 28, 2014
Hi Mom,
It's been such a fast and furious summer...I wish you were here so much to take a trip with me, to talk to, and to just enjoy the flowers...I need to take more time to do those things. Since you have been gone I really don't do all of that much, I guess keeping busy keeps my mind off of things I don't want to think about.
Many weddings coming up, and a couple of trips and oh how I wish you were there with us. I will be seeing auntie Karen and I know how the two of you loved to "party" it up...She misses you too, and it's so nice to always hear her talk so highly of you..Loss is just a terrible thing to deal with and I guess I am a little more lost in the transition than know I have a hard time with change, moving forward, etc....I'm doing my best though mom, I really am...
I love you so much.
July 22, 2014
Hey Mama,
just been thinking of you so much again. I almost picked up the phone to call you last week. It happens a lot but that day it was to the point that I really did pick it up. It is just so strange not to talk to you, to hear your voice, your opinions, and to tell you news about what's going on and hear the excitement in your voice. I treasure those days of talking, of traveling, of just spending time with you. I try to tell so many people that they HAVE to spend as much time with their mother or loved ones as possible because when that time is gone it's so VERY hard.
love you mom!!
June 27, 2014
Anna is a fantastic daughter of yours, she's learned things aren't easy to cope with when a person leaves us. I am proud of her and I know you are also. Rip Joan.. Anna I love you
June 25, 2014
Hi Mom,
so wish you were here lately, well always, but lately it just seems so lonely without you. I seem to want to pick up the phone and call you, to run over to your house and take you to lunch, to come over and go shopping...I miss all those things so much. I have truly realized I need to find a hobby because life seems so boring not doing things with you. I guess it's just girl missing her mother....Love you and miss you always.
June 13, 2014
Hey Momma,
It's been such a whirlwind month and I think it all seems like a dream when I sit down and think about it. I'm glad you are here to talk to....friends are busy, the boys are too far know it...It seems kind of lonely...Jim is such a Godsend though, he tries so hard to understand my moods when I get nostalgic, not sure that he does, but he tries...that's all I can ask for.
I miss you so much...
June 02, 2014
Hey Mom,
It's been a really tough few weeks here but I know I have only made it because of you...I'm sure you pushed me through all the rough moments and my crying...I thank you for that.
I know you will be there to see and welcome Kevin when he enters God's arms so that makes me feel a little better...
thanks Mom.
May 09, 2014
another Mother's day with out you...It would be a time for us to find flowers, go summer shopping, take a trip for our birthday; but instead I think about how I miss you, think about your kindness I miss so much, our long talks, shopping trips, and road trips. Happy Mother's Day to the BEST mom ever, and one that is missed by so very many people.
Love you.
May 02, 2014
So missing you!!
April 08, 2014
I'm loving you and missing you....
March 10, 2014
As I was just sitting here putting on some Jergens hand lotion so many memories come flooding back to me of you. Of you sitting on the end of the sofa with your coffee and cigarette, doing your nails and putting lotion on, of you reading me books, or me just sititng next to you watching you needlepoint, of you just talking to me as we sat so close....I'm so very happy I have those memories, and that a smell so familiar seems so far away at times and then so very close.
I love you mom.
February 24, 2014
Hi Mom,
it's been a tough month but you know that, it was always a tough month for both of us after dad passed. I just wish you were here to talk to, to reminisce with. JIm never knew Dad so it's really hard to talk to him about him. OH well, you're not here and I just pray to get through the days...I know I will and am with your help. I have just lost so many people this year that I would like to start the year all over...I suppose now that I'm this age this is what will be happening, part of life and that's it.
I love you mom, and miss you ever so much more.
January 23, 2014
Hi Mom,
It's been a tough couple of weeks, death seems to surround us lately. Four funerals this week and one more in another week. Jim sang yesterday at his friend Larry's funeral, it was lovely, i'm sure you heard him because I'm sure I felt your arm around me while I was there. I can't stop thinking and thinking of the day you left us lately, I am sure it's because of all the people that are passing around me and all those memories are back up on top of the surface. I remember the last time I sat with you and dad....those memories seem so fresh right now. I know they will again pass, I know you will help...
Again mom, just wanted to tell you I love you, I miss you, and please tell my dad I miss and love him too!!!
December 30, 2013
I can't believe it has been four years since you left this earth to live a pain free life. In so many ways I'm happy, and in so many ways I'm not. I'm so happy that you are not in pain, not suffering, not trying to be strong for us, being with your parents and dad...not happy to not hear your voice each day, to see your smile when you looked at us and your grandkids, the joy you put into our holidays, and the simple fact that you aren't here for me to see, to hug, and to talk to.
I love you mom from here to the moon....miss you ever so much.
December 03, 2013
Hi Mom,
Thanksgiving has come and gone, and now Christmas is upon us again...oh how I seem to hate these holidays without you. I am wondering when I really can enjoy them again. I guess this is why a person has children...I am so grateful for Jim's kids and grandkids, they really make my life more whole, but there is that huge empty space without you and without dad...You always made the holidays special and we just can't seem to get that in our holidays yet...hopefully we can soon mom.
I love you.
November 07, 2013
Hi Mom,
I of course am thinking about you, that is an every day occurance, along with dad too, and of course grandma and so many others...but today I had some left over candy from Halloween, Dots, and I have never liked Dots, butI had this feeling and I took a box. Of course the first thing I think of is you, you LOVED them..I remember having to get them for you all the time, along with Nut did like your candy and ice cream...haha I miss that, I miss shopping for you and coming back and making sure I had some little surprise in there and you were always so happy to see it...
I miss you mom!!!
October 22, 2013
Hi Mom,
Life has been so strange lately, not sure I could explain it, but it's been so different, not sure if it's me being different or everyone around me being different. It's hard, so wish you were here to talk to. I shouldn't be this way I know. I am not quite sure how to get over it but I will, I know I will if I talk to you enough. I miss you so much, so many little things, the smell of your perfume, your voice, your smile, your cards I would always get, and of course your presence....
I love you mom.
October 03, 2013
I should have wrote to you on Tuesday, it was your anniversary with dad...I am sure the two of you are happy being together again. Grandma is right beside you loving you as well I'm sure. I think so much about you, every day, every week, month, etc. But mostly on a birthday or a's Benjamin's birthday on Sunday, he misses you so much mom. Not sure yet what we will do but whatever it is, it's not the same without you.
You ARE my hero, please tell Laura...She will know what I mean.
I love you!!
September 20, 2013
Loving you and missing you MOM!!
September 05, 2013
Hi mom,
Been a really tough month..not exactly sure why but it's been tough, so wish you were here to shop with or have some lunch. There's just so much to say to you and I can't. Friends are busy with their lives and kids and it's just hard. I know I will get through it, I always do but when I feel like this it only reminds so much more that you were such an important person in my life, my friend, my shopping date, my lunch date, and most of all my mother. I love you.
Was at Becky's daughters wedding, everyone talked about you, so many memories of all the fun you and Karen had and all the fun we had as families in ND every weekend. Auntie Bev gave me a tablecloth you had cross stitched for grandma, I will treasure it for sure.
Miss you so much.
August 08, 2013
Hi Momma,
So much is going on and I sure miss you...Love you forever and a day...
July 25, 2013
Hi mom,
Cant type too well with my one arm...I'm sure you are saying "oh geez Anna, not again." haha anyway, just wanted to say I love you!
July 02, 2013
Just stopped to say I love you.....
June 21, 2013
Hi Mom,
Well the kids have come and gone. You would have loved to have them and I wish you would have been here to tell them more about our grandma and all the things around the city. You were always so good at that. I have been missing you so bad lately, not sure when this will go away. I know probably never but I thought it would get easier by now. Breagha is going to a Swedish camp type thing, I'm sure you would love to hear her stories about that. I'm sure you will be with her each day so you can see all the funny things she does. I have been sick and she is out of town, she tells her grandma there to tell me to get better quick. She is her mother's daughter for sure, so sweet. I love you mom and miss you so much.
May 30, 2013
Hi Mom,
The kids from Sweden come tomorrow...I can only imagine all the fun we would be having with them if you were here. You made everyone's stay so fun when they visited us. So please guide me in a way to show them what they should see....I love you and miss you ever so much.
May 23, 2013
Hi Mom,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY...not sure what's so happy about it, but all the same I wanted to wish it to you. I am having a bit of a hard time this year as you can see...And now with Kinsey graduating nursing school and me missing you there so much. I know how proud you would have been of her...and now you have TWO girls that are nurses. I'm sure you have guided them...and now I think about it being my 50th birthday and how I just know we would be on a trip some place together, a road trip, a plane trip, something and I would be having that great time that I always had with you...I miss those so much. I now in time this will pass, and I know you will help me through...I guess it just brings back so much and when you think your friends are around they really aren't....I miss them as well. Everyone is so busy. See, the one good thing is Jim, thank God for him and his family and kids, they are so good to me and they keep me busy as well. You would get such a kick out of baby James...we had him last night and he was just too funny. If you would have asked me ten years ago how I would be spending my anniversary it wouldn't have been babysitting...but now it's GREAT. (yes, it was our anniversary too last night)...Well mom, just thinking of you and wanting you to know how much I celebrate you these days, especially on our birthday. You were the MOST amazing woman I knew and will ever know I'm you!! :)
May 07, 2013
Hi Mom,
Am just in slump missing you for some reason. Is it because it's almost our birthdays and I will be 50? I know if you were here and well we would be planning some fun road trip, you always made our birthdays so much fun. Kinsey is now graduating from nursing school, you would be so proud of her. She wanted to use your pin but we can't find it for her...maybe you can give me a clue??? Benjamin will be over this weekend, it's opening fishing of course and you know that Greg has to go with his buddies for that one every year. It's okay, it's fun to have Benjamin around. He's gotten so tall mom you wouldn't believe it. Well I'm sure you see him and help guide him so you do know...haha
Anyway, was just thinking once again of you and missing my mom....I miss the whole thing. LIfe is so different now. I know things change and life goes on, but I'm still having a hard time with that one. I will do it though, for you, because you asked me to. I will NEVER forget our conversation in the car the last time you went to the Dr. and he said there was nothing more they could do for you. You were so strong. I don't know how you couldn't shake your fists and be mad because I sure was. But I also know you, it's not your nature. From the very beginning, that very first test you knew you were sick and you fought so hard. I'm so glad you did, so you could see Breagha, see Benjmain a few more years. and be with us. I do wish you hadn't gone through all that pain though. I appreciate all of that, I know you did a lot of it for us. I told you that when you were tired you needed to stop, that this is your body, and don't do this for us any longer. I'm glad it wasn't too long for you to be in pain. It hurts so much to see a loved one in pain, and I know you were in more than you let us know about.
Well mom, I miss you and love you. We will be celebrating your birthday soon!!! Love you.
April 10, 2013
I'm missing you something awful Mom....
March 28, 2013
Missing you more than ever this Easter, missing your fabulous Easter dinner, your happy ways of making everyone feel so loved and special. I miss your smile as you watched the kids look for all the eggs you hid, and you know they never found all your hiding places....I love you.
March 21, 2013
Hi Mom,
Today I'm thinking about Easter. I remember so many fun times you planned for us at Easter, and even the shopping involved before. You always made us feel so loved, and certainly passed that on to your grandchildren. I don't remember you ever missing sending a card on holidays, or a gift when someone did something special. I am only hoping and praying I can be that thoughtful. I try, but come nowhere close to you. However, thank you, thank you for being my mom. I love you.
March 06, 2013
Hi Mama,
Just wanted to say I love you...miss you....thank you....
February 28, 2013
Hi Mom,
Today is just bringing so many memories for some reason, nothing special going on but knowing the special people in my life that are gone is just hurting today for some reason. I wish you were here to shop with me as I pick out all the stuff for the new construction in the house. I know you would be loving it, we would be loving it. I so miss those days...nothing ever can compare to our once a week or more shopping, lunch together, girl talk, shopping, then maybe dinner and a's all so bittersweet to shop now. I know you are there guiding me but it was much more fun "with" you...You would be so proud of your grand kids...and that Eli, holy cow, I can see your smile in my head the way you would be with him right now, such a splitting image of Brad and dad...Breagha is getting so big, and Benjamin...omg, what a boy. You would be proud. He misses you so much, but then who doesn't? I love you mom.
February 19, 2013
Please give my daddy a HUGE hug, 19 years ago he left us. I'm sure missing him today, as I do every day. The two of you being reunited in the skies is making me smile inside even if I don't show a lot of smiles on the outside. I love you mom, and I love you dad.
February 04, 2013
I love you mom.
January 28, 2013
Hey mom,
I know you are trying to help me, I can feel's just so strange, seems like there's nobody here...just me...alone...I know Jim is with me and helps me, and tries to do things, but it's not the same friends seem to be gone, busy, or just not available, I so wish you were here. The crying seems to come so much more often again. I try to be okay, for you, I know that's how you would want it but it doesn't seem to work lately. I will miss you forever....
January 23, 2013
Hi Mom,
I beginning to hate everything lately, you have to help me get out...I miss you so much and am just lost right now. I'm sure it's because of all the stuff going on at home and I feel like I would be doing all this with you and it makes me miss you. And then of course I hate that we are doing it because of the feelings that come up. I am glad we are doing it and I know you would be happy since you know how I like a nice kitchen, but the feelings are just hard to handle right now. I know they will go away, and just writting to you makes them disappear for a while. I'm sure you are looking down on us and laughing at the mess....haha, I have to laugh so I don't cry..ha Mom, I miss your smile and your voice, and the way you smelled so much but when I really think about it I can see your smile, I can hear your voice and I can smell your perfume...I love you Mom...
January 16, 2013
Hi Mama,
Been thinking about you so much lately. We are getting new cupboards, and a new bathroom finally. I remember when we remodeled our house on Stinson, it was so fun and you did everything so nice. I wish you were here to help me pick out stuff. I know we would have so much fun shopping for all the new stuff. I so wish I had those days with you again, but like I have said, many, many, times; I'm so very grateful that I have those memories. Nobody can take those from me. I love you mom.
December 28, 2012
today is the last day I heard you breathe, the last day I held your warm hands, stroked your hair, that by the way was turning dark brown again..I will forever treasure this day that happened three years ago. I sat in your bed with you, talked to you and hoped that you heard all the things I was saying to you, praying that you weren't going to leave me yet praying you would be out of your pain. It's a sad day that I can smile at as well. I know you left us a three years ago tomorrow but our memories of you live on forever. I can never stop telling you or anyone what a wonderful mother you were to me, how you made our lives full of happiness. Mom, I miss you ever so much and I always will, but I am so glad you are now with our other family members in heaven and are out of the pain that the cancer gave you. Cancer took your body away from us but it can't take our memories or our love!!!
December 26, 2012
Hi Mom,
Well the wedding was beautiful but I think you know that, I could feel you there with us all. Amanda looked beautiful and it was so nice to have met your great, you would be all over that little boy. He looks so much like Brad to me. And he's such a good little boy.
Christmas is over now too. It just was a strange year without you mom. It just seemed like another day, any other day. You seemed to always make it so special and I just can't get it to be like you did. I am so happy for those many memories of wonderful Christmas' and holidays. We were a lucky family to have you and dad as such great parents and for doing so much for us.
Mom, I miss you so much and yes, it's getting better, but not like I thought it would. I am trying. I hope you can see that....I try to help the kids with the loss of their mother and it's so hard because of course I'm not over it yet. I hope I'm helping them....I learned from the best, that was you. You always knew what to say when people were sad. I wish I had those same words in me.
As our new year begins I am hoping for better health for Greg and for Jim...I am praying for healing for the girls and James, and mom, I again want to tell you that you were the best mother a girl could have asked for!!! Please watch over all the kids, I know you do, but they so need your spirit.
I love you.
December 07, 2012
Hi Mom,
As I get ready to go to Vegas for Amanda's wedding I can only think that you aren't with us. I know how much you love weddings and especially your first grandchild to get married. I remember when she was born and you flew out there to help, you loved doing that with your grandchild. I know it's going to be a hard day for Amanda as well as she doesn't have any grandparents left to watch her. I know you all will be watching from overhead but it's just not the same. I am so grateful I had that experience, the shopping for my dress with you and all the details. I remember sleeping at your house the night before and we talked...I love you mom and miss you so much. I am going to miss you on this trip as I do on any trip since you have left us here on earth, but I know you will be with me.....and Mom, can you bring me some of your good luck on the slot machines??? PLEASE?? ha I know all of you, Dad, Grandma's, Gordy, Marlene, Grandpa's, the Peterson grandparents, and all the others we have lost too soon will be watching and we will be thinking of you all and know that you are with us.
November 21, 2012
Hi Mom,
The day before Thanksgiving and all I can think of is how it's just not the same without you there. Nobody seems to "come together" anymore, you were our rock, our glue, our mother...
I love you mom. Happy Thanksgiving...give my dad a kiss and Laura too..and of course all the others.....good thing they don't all have guest books or I would be writing all day.
November 15, 2012
Hi Mom,
Another Thanksgiving coming up and another holiday without you. It's so hard; but it's so nice that we can remember all the fun holidays we had with you. How you made them special with some little thing you did each and every holiday. Whether it be a little "prize" on our plates or a fun thing you planned to was always fun.
I have to thank you for putting my mind and heart to work on my "stuff"...I got through it and I know I couldn't have without you.
And please welcome Amanda's future father in law up there with you. I'm sure he can tell you stories of the two kids and how they are planning their wedding. It's going to be a tough one with out their grandparents and now without Adam's dad. Please look down on them to be safe. I'm sure I really don't have to say that because I know how you are and you always made sure everyone was okay before yourself.
I love you mom and miss you ever so much.
November 02, 2012
Hi Mom,
Well I am pretty sure I have you to thank for me getting through so much of my "mess"...It was hard I said before I would pick something up and then remember just what we were doing, or where we bought something, or something special about it and then of course I think I should get rid of it, I know you helped me realize so much that the item is not the memory, YOU are the memory and our feelings are the memory. It's still hard to grasp but I am getting it. Breagha looked so cute on Halloween. I took her to the Harvest Festival and we had a blast. Oh how I wish you could have came, you would have loved it. I hope you were there watching.
I love you mom ever so much and long for a shopping trip, a lunch date, and conversation with you so much. I miss it all.
October 24, 2012
Hi Mom,
Another tough day but knowing how much I was loved by you and dad does make it easier. It's dads birthday as you know and it's always hard. So many dates in our lives are hard to get through. I put flowers on his grave today and visited for a bit, I hope he sees them. I posted a picture of you and dad on my facebook. I know of course that you two weren't married anymore but I tend to believe in my heart that the two of you are in heaven watching over us as parents do. I know how much love you both had for one another and for that I'm so very grateful. I think it would have been a hard life knowing my parents didn't get along or didn't like each other. So mom, I hope you and dad, and Laura, and of course everyone else we love are celebrating daddy's birthday today; I'm celebrating his life today as well. I love you mom, and I love you Dad!!!
October 18, 2012
Hi Mom,
I have been trying and trying to write and I just have been so busy. I guess that's good in a way and bad in a way.
It's been a bad week though, and next week will be the same so please help me through them.
I just can't seem to stop crying lately. It's Laura's birthday today, and she would have been 50, this should have been a happy time for me, celebrating with her and teasing her that she's older..ha but I just miss her so much I can't stand that. And then next week is Dad's birthday. I will go put flowers on their graves of course but it's just an emotional week. I know if you were here we would go out and have dinner and play some pull tabs and all would be good.
Saturday I'm having a party at the house for Jim's two kids, James and Etta who of course you remember were born on the 20th a year a part, then the baby was born on that very same day so now we have three birthdays on the same day...and you thought our two were bad..haha Anyway through the week I have been thinking what we would be doing if you were here. You loved babies so much and you surely would have loved Jameesie...he is so adorable and sweet. Oh mom, I will go now so not to keep crying but please help me through. Having the party will be good for me I know that. I love you mom!!
September 28, 2012
Hi Mom,
Well I haven't started the work I have to do yet, but I AM going to do it this weekend, I know with you guiding me I can do it....I just have to keep telling myself it's just an object, the object is NOT the memory. I miss you so much every day that it's hard to seperate the two though. I look at a picture, a bottle of perfume, anything and it reminds me of you. I can still smell your Estee Lauder Beautiful every day. Funny how a smell brings back memories.
Thanks mom for so many wonderful memories that will last a life time. You and dad made my life a great thing!!! I love you!
September 06, 2012
Okay, need your help BIG time. I am FINALLY going to get all the stuff out of my storage unit, well it's out, but it's in the garage and you know how I hate not to have my car in there, so anyway, I have to get it out. Please help me THROW things, things that I think mean something but I'm sure they don't. Memories aren't objects, they are feelings that you felt during that time. I know I can part with more than I think I can but I know if you help me it will be so much easier. I hope you were Breagha's little guardian angel on her first day of school on Monday, she is growing up so fast.
Love you mom!!!
August 28, 2012
Well, sometimes people think you will just get over being so lonely and alone missing someone that has went on there journey. BUT it's not that easy, our minds say one thing, but the heart takes over and says something else. Just go with your heart, if you hurt it's o.k. to cry and it's o.k. to think of that person that you loved so much.. Trust me Anna, I truly feel it never goes away, the hurt and the pain.. We just have to struggle to pretend to the world it's o.k. BUT REMEMBER WE KNOW BETTER THAN THAT.... GOD BLESS YOU..YOUR LOVED..
August 27, 2012
HI Mom,
I am missing you something horrible lately. Why is that? I know it's what will always happen, but for some reason it's like you just left me yesterday all over again. I am not sure if having the family picnic on Saturday with Jim's family that makes me miss you even more, knowing we can't have that fun, that conversation, etc. at all anymore, but it's an awful feeling. I know I will get over it, that you will help me with it, but in the mean time it's just so hard. I feel like I'm so losing it so much of the time, that I shouldn't still feel this bad, or miss you this much. I have tried and tried not to feel this way. I am not sure how to change it so that I am "normal" again. I know that I have to get on with things and for the most part I am, but mom, it's the strangest thing that I just can't be like all other people and get on with things. This little writing does help though mom. I feel like I'm letting you know what's wrong and then you help....thanks mom, I love you so much. Oh, please help Greg recover well from the surgery on Friday. He was so nervous and I hope I helped him like you would have, but I don't think any of us can take your place in that area, you always had such a healing, soothing voice and knew exactly what to say to ease all our fears. Thanks for that mom!!
August 15, 2012
Well I'm sure I don't have to tell you the greif I am trying to get through this week. First funeral yesterday for Becky. I was so sad, mom, she was just so young and she had so much to live for. Why on earth does God take these people? I know there is a reason, but it just hurts so. Then I have the second funeral tomorrow and third on Friday. It's been a horrible week, I know I can make it, I just need some signs from you that show you are with me. How I wanted to call you on my way home from ND yesterday to tell you about the funeral, to tell you how poor Karen was doing, how Connie and Greg, and of course her husband and girls were. Mom it was so sad. Her daughter is getting married next month too. I know you would be waiting for her with open arms along with her dad and my dad. She was so much a part of our family when we were young. Anyway, I know you can help me through this week....PLEASE. I love you mom.
August 08, 2012
Hi Mom,
Another few weeks have passed since I have wrote...I know you know not a day passes that I don't think of you but sometimes I just don't have the energy to write...I wish I had that energy to write to you every day. I remember when Rob was young and you let him go to San Francisco to visit Dorothy, the letters he wrote to you every day. I remember letters you wrote to me. I have so many of them and I surely can't part with them. I could spend a whole day reading letters and going through your jewelry or would be sad that you weren't here with me doing it, but I woudl have all the memories. I love you mom....Please give my dad a HUGE hug and kiss for me too....and you know the others, them too since I'm pretty sure you're all up there having fun.
July 24, 2012
Hi Mom,
Breagha is now riding her bike without her training wheels, it's so cute. I remember when you and dad bought me my new bike and Rob took me out to teach me, what fun that was. She is visiting now her grandparents for the next couple of weeks. How I wish you were here to spend time with her. I know she would love to be with you and you to be with her. You would be making things, playing games, walking, going the pool...all the things you did with Benjamin it would now be her turn with you. I know she will know you by all of what we say, but I wish she would know you in her memories like we do. I love you so much mom....
July 17, 2012
Hi Mom,
Just sitting here in all our heat and thinking of the good old days when you would take me to the beach every day. We had so much fun being the sun goddesses that we were....haha I love you and miss you ever so much. I wish I could hear your voice and see your smile.
July 05, 2012
Hi Mom,
Kinsey had Breagha's party on Sunday, we were all there, and it was so cute and so fun. I know you would have been laughing with the rest of us with her reactions to her presents. I know she would have loved yours best, she always did. Well this year she liked her grandpa's best, Rob bought her a water slid type thing that she had a BALL on. I missed you so much being there. Greg and Benjamin were there and I could just see in his eyes how much he misses you at family events as well. Please keep watching over him, he's so loney with you. I try my best to keep him in contact with everyone and get him over to my house but it's just not the same as his grandma being with him. I know I didn't have to remind you of that but I did. Please tell Laura how much I miss her, mom, it's really hard without you and now without Laura it's even more hard. I know things happen for a reason and time will tell me what God wants me to know, but it doesn't stop the pain inside of missing you and wanting you to be here with us. I love you mom, always and forever!!
June 28, 2012
Hi Mom,
It's Breagha's fifth birthday today, oh how I wish you were here on earth to enjoy her like you did. I know we would have been shopping for that special dress or outfit and of course the perfect baby doll. I will try and make up for what we are missing but it sure doesn't stop the missing of you mom.
We got home from CA on Monday. The wedding was beautiful but it just was so strange to sit with your brother and sister and not to have you there with us. You were ALWAYS there at a wedding, especially if we could make a trip out of it. I missed you so much thinking of our many trips out there and the fun we had.
I love you mom and am so happy that we made those trips and those memories.
June 20, 2012
Hi Mom,
I am leaving tomorrow for the trip to CA for Betsy's wedding. I know Jim and I will be making some memories but the good times you and I always have on our trips is going to be hard to forget. I am so used to traveling with you to places like this and have always had such a great time. I know you will be there in spirit with all our family but not seeing your smile or smelling your perfume, or listening to you make me laugh is going to be hard. I love you mom.
June 08, 2012
Hi Mom,
Just a note to say how much I love you and am thinking of you. I know you know that.
I so wish you were here with me. I am having all these back issues and when you were here and I had some medical issue you always put my mind at ease by explaining everything in terms I knew. I am sure it's down to having yours and grandma's genes in my bones and back. I hope that they have some answers for me and they can treat it. I remember when you had your back surgery, not a lot of it, but I so remember you laying on floor with that board under you and doing your exercises all the time. Funny how I remember the funniest things, things that you wouldn't think anyone would remember but I do, and for that I am so glad. I love you mom.
May 23, 2012
Hey Mom,
Happy Birthday. I got an email from Ginger today saying how you had such a great birthday present the year I was born. Well I look at it a little differently; I think I AM the one who had a great present by having you as mother, a wonderful dad, and a wonderful family. I could never ask for more, okay, I could, I could ask for just a few more years, days, hours, seconds, with all of you. I know if I got those that wouldn't be enough either though. Anyway, Happy birthday mom. I am going to miss our dinner and shopping date today. Our birthday date was always something I looked so forward to. Both of us chatting, sharing life together, eating, picking out cute clothes, eating some more....I miss those days so much and I miss you.
Happy birthday, I love you more than ever and miss you even more.
May 18, 2012
Hi Mom,
I am so lost, so, so, lost. I miss you so and now with Laura gone it's just a mess in my head. I know it will get better, you will make me see the reasons for things once again, but for now it's just so hard. Please once again help me be the person I know I should and have to be. I love you mom!! And of course, happpy belated mother's day. I know you heard me say it but I never got on the computer to write it.
May 09, 2012
Hi Mom,
Oh how I miss you right now, to tell me it's okay, to tell me anything to make me feel okay. I just found out Laura passed away. I know you would be so upset as well, you always loved her so, and especially when she would send you those Christmas cards with the confetti in the middle. Every year she did it, and every year you opened it only to have it spill out. Mom, what do I do? I loved Laura so much, she was like a sister to me, we have had so many things to share in our lives. Dad's death, Grandma's, yours, her grandma's, her mothers. WE have been through so much and now she is gone. She would answer the phone any time of day just like you, and I would always do the same for her. OMG, I am just so sad, please guide me in these coming days Mom!! I love you.
April 27, 2012
Going out to dinner for Rae's birthday made me so happy. She's a beautiful girl and I love her so much. The downside is that I think about all our birthdays and how we ALWAYS went out to eat and shopping. I miss those days SO much mom. I love you.
April 26, 2012
Hi Mom,
Well I'm sure you already know that Jim had a heart attack, in fact maybe it was you or his dad that finally persueded him into going when he was being so stubborn. Either way, I'm glad you were watching out for him and letting this be a good warning of how short life can be. I would have hated if it had turned out another way. It was so hard not to pick up a phone and call you, to have me hearing you say that everything will turn out okay, that it's alright to be scared. I know you must have been saying it to me from the heavens but it's not the same as hearing it in your voice mom. I miss you every day, some days are still so bad but yet I get through them, I know that's you helping me. I know I have to get through the days yet sometimes the days all blend together and I wonder how I did it. That's you again I'm sure. I know it was you that helped me to quit smoking, THANK YOU!! Now we have to help Jim recover. I can do it with you mom, thank you.
April 20, 2012
Hi Mom,
Back from my trip. The whole time being out there just reminded me of all our good times there. I don't think I have EVER been there without you so it seemed pretty strange. You would have loved the dress I got for the wedding and I wish you had been there to pick it out with me. OR, maybe you WERE there and lead me to that one!! It was the first one I tried on so maybe that was the case. You wanted me to get the dress, be done with that and have some fun instead of worrying about the dress shopping. Thanks Mom!!
Breagha got glasses now, it's so cute to see her in them. She might not have to wear them for long, they are trying to correct something that is wrong with her eye and hope that these glasses do the trick.
Benjamin is coming to spend some time with us so that will be nice. Greg is going on a fishing trip so Benjamin will stay with us. It's going to be mother's day and I know he will be sad along with me. We will make it a good day though. Hope we talk about many happy memories that we had with our mom's and our grandma's.
I love you mom and miss you ever so much.
April 12, 2012
Hi Mom,
As I am getting ready to leave for California I so think of you. So many trips that we took and so much fun every time. I remember going to Tahoe and you playing the nickle machines and I told you that you were wasting your time, well you proved me wrong winning enough money for our trip AND some pretty nice clothes. Those times with you on our trips mean so much to me and I'm SO GLAD that we had so many of them. I know a lot of people don't get those chances. I remember our last trip to California for Bobby's wedding. We had so much fun then too, just sitting by the pool, watching men...haha Flying with you was always fun, our conversations, always so meaningful and inspirational. We had so many good conversations! I know I should be so grateful for all the good, good, times we had and maybe that's why I miss you so much, because you made my life so special and so good. I am very grateful, but at the same time I never wanted those times to stop and that's what makes me feel selfish and so sad. I know I can't feel that way, you wouldn't like that!! Well Mom, I love you and miss you so much and when I'm in California I will be thinking of you the whole time. I know that I can't cry because it's over, I need to smile because it happened. I love you Mom!!!
March 30, 2012
HI Mom,
I was brushing my teeth this morning and you were funny. I was standing in the kitchen looking out the window brushing my teeth...I knew you were there because I don't normally do that...You always brushed your teeth for so long and I remember you standing with your hand on your hip brushing and looking out the front window...I had my hand on MY hip too, it was so strange...But thank you...things like this are so soothing...remembering such little things, and little things that make me so happy now. I miss your perfume, and you voice the most...I love you mom..Oh, and please watch Breagha at church on Sunday, she is singing....I know you will be. Please give my dad and grandma a big hug too....well now that I say that I really shouldn't leave all my other relatives out should I? haha, how about I just say my dad and you know all the people that have passed in our lives that we loved, hug them all for me!! Love you and miss you so much mom.
Maybe if anyone reads this in the future they will think I have lost my mind...but really mom, this eases my mind.
And MOST of all, please keep our new baby Elijah safe while they do his surgery today!! I will be praying for him too.
March 21, 2012
Hi Mom,
Was thinking about you so much lately again..always...
I was just looking at some cooking courses and I remember when you and I used to do those. I had such fun spending that time with you and making the foods on our holidays...I hope people realize that all the little things in life do matter, not certain little things, but the time spent with a loved one, the time talking with a loved one, the time spent just watching TV. All of those little things mean SO much to me, I sure do miss them...
Love you Mom
March 12, 2012
Hi Mom,
I am so missing you right now. Why is it that on certain days it's like I just can't live here without you and on others I'm just so happy we had so many days together? It's a strange thing to me but it happens so often. Well just wanted you to know I love you and am again so gratful for a mother like you. thank you!!
March 01, 2012
Hi Mom,
It's already March. I don't know where the time goes as it seems yesterday you were here with me, and then sometimes it feels like forever since I have heard your voice, touched your soft hands, seen your smile. I know you would be looking forward to seeing your new great grandson..I know you will be watching over him though his operation though and that makes me feel so good. I love you mom!!
February 14, 2012
Hi Mom,
Happy Valentines day to you, and to my dad as well. I miss you so much on holidays, well at least more than I do on other days. You always made every holiday so special for everyone. You could just call, send a simple card, buy a box of candy, buy an animal, any little jesture was so appreciated and now so very missed. I was going through some stuff of yours on Sunday when Kinsey was over and it was so hard, everythign I picked up reminded me of something. I was looking for your nursing pin, Kinsey wanted to use it when she graduates. I think that would be so great but of course I couldn't find it. I think it may be on your cap but I don't know where that is, I will have to look at your house, it has to be there some place and I want Kinsey to have that. You would be so happy to have another great grandbaby, and it's a BOY!! You wouldn't believe him, he looks just like Brad, you would just go crazy for him as you did with all your grandkids and of course your great granddaughter. Mom, happy Valentines day, I miss you oh so much, and of course today is the day dad had his stroke. I will never forget that day, it was awful. I know how sad you were and you helped me get through it so much. Dad, I miss you so much too!! Love you both.
February 03, 2012
Hi Mom,
It's been a while since I wrote. I think about you every day, all day, and I know you know that but I just haven't wrote for a while.
Auntie Bev made a donation to the hospice up by her house in your name so that was nice.
I'm taking Breagha to a play on Sunday. I wish you were here. I know how you loved going to these things. I remember every year going to the eighth floor to see whatever Christmas stuff they had that year. I remember going to see the Nutcracker with you, and even so many movies. I always loved those times with you mom, but then again, you know I loved ANY of our times together. I miss so much shopping with you. It's so hard to go now without you. I have gone a few times with a friend but they have to always go home in a couple of hours. Like I know I said before, you taught me to shop well, we could do the time....haha I remember even when I was quite young that every Saturday we would go downtown to shop and have lunch and then on the way to the bus going home we got to get caramel corn...what a treat, but now when I think back the caramel corn wasn't the treat, the treat was being with you!
Funny how you see so many things so differently when you lose someone.
I miss you more than ever mom, and I miss dad too. Love you both!! And once again, thank you, thank you, for being such good parents to me!!
January 18, 2012
Hi Mom,
Just was at work and as I put some hand lotion on a smile came to my face. I so remember you sitting at the end of our sofa, reading your book or watching TV with me and you putting on Jergens lotion. I bought some and now as I put it on the smell just reminds me of you and that is a great feeling. Funny how a little thing like that can make your day but it sure does make mine. It's because you were there in those moments. I'm so, so, glad we had so many "moments" together mom. I love you.
January 03, 2012
Hi Mom,
I so meant to write more earlier but I have been so sick, I'm sure you know that though. Thanks for helping me get through it!! I missed you so much this year. I know I will miss you every year but with all that has happened lately I just really missed you. Did you see that Greg gave me that Sworvoski crystal he gave you four days before you left us? He told me I could return it and get something I liked better but no way, I love it because I remember you unwrapping it and the look in your eye. Forver I will remember that when I see this on my shelf or wherever I decide to put it. It's been a hard end to the year here with Leslie passing, me sick, then Sue's dad passed of cancer as well. I hate that disease mom, hate, hate, hate...I know you would always say not to hate things but mom, I can't say anything else but that for cancer. I know there is a reason for everything and you always made me see that, it's just sometimes now I find it so hard to see the reasons. I know they are there in time and I have to wait, and I will, but it seems so hard when you're not here to talk to, to tell me all the wise things you said. I try so hard to sit and remember things you said to me when I'm feeling down, things that made me feel better, that made me realize that there are so many other things so much worse and that I'm lucky. I AM lucky, I was lucky to have you, to have you show me, tell me so many things. I am the luckiest girl I know....Love you so much mom.
December 19, 2011
Well Mom, I made it through. It was a tough one but I made it and I'm sure you were there helping me do it. It's so hard to see someone die, especially when so young. But I just kept thinking of all the things you told me when you were sick. I thank God I had that time with you, to talk, to share our lives. I know we shared our lives LONG before you were sick, but even more so when you were. I couldn't have made it I don't think if you hadn't shown me the way. Each day I think of you and instead of giving up like I thought I would, I go on, and I know that's because that's what you would want me to do, that's what you would do, and did when you lost your parents, your brother and my dad..You were the strongest, kindest, person I have ever known. I don't know how I was so blessed to have you!! The kids used the poem we had at your memorial, that made me so very happy. I don't know where that came from, if you wrote it, if you found it, but I remember when I found it and it so sounded like you that I thought you must have left it there for me to find and use. You were so selfless, so giving and that's what that poem is about. How you could be so ill and yet smile throughout it all, worry about us instead of feeling your own pain, and have the best attitude is beyond me. But that was you. And like I have said a million times, I only hope I can be half of that woman you were!! I love you Mom!
December 15, 2011
Hi Mom,
It's been so dreary here and makes me just miss you more. I know you know about our news here. Jim's ex passed away, we had been there for two days and she finally got her wings, she is joining you now I'm sure. Please help our kids to get through this, along with me and Jim...I know you can do it, I am sure I will receive a sign and know it's you. It's a big thing to get through but I know you taught me well. I might not be doing the things you asked of me when you passed concerning not being sad and all, but I just hope I can help them get through it without being so sad. It's a horrible time of the year, and now we will have to deal with all the "firsts" again. It was so hard for me that first year, but when I had your birthday party it was nice, I suggested that already to the kids, that on Leslie's birthday we should have a party and they like that idea. Mom, I love you so much and forever will be missing you. Thanks.
December 08, 2011
Hi Mom,
Not sure about Christmas this year, can you please tell me why? I used to so look forward to Christmas, to shopping with you, for you. All the special things you did during this time for everyone, all the great ideas you always had. This year just doesn't feel so special. I will of course do my part, I will try to have that festive feeling when Benjamin and Breagha are there, of course they make it all worth it, the love and the sharing, but mom, it's just so different without you here. I'm sure you know already that Carol passed away, maybe she is with you, reminising on old times. Also, please help Jim's ex Leslie, I am so sad and full of sorrow for her, for the kids. The kids are going to have a rough time without their mother, I know so much how they feel but they are so much younger than I am. I am trying so hard to make you proud of the things I do here but I'm not so sure I am fulfilling that as well as I should, can you send me some help please? I was going to write yesterday and ask you how grandpa's birthday went, I have no doubt that he was having a great day with you by his side. I love you mom, and miss you so much.
November 23, 2011
Hey Mom,
Once again it's Thanksgiving, a holiday that was always so fun with you. You always put so much into it for all of us. That was you though, ever since I can remember it was all about your kids, never about you. I am so sad that I won't be cooking with you again, but I know it's Thanksgiving and I know you would want me to be thankful and not sad so Mom, I'm thankful that I had you, that I have a good family,and that am healthy. I miss you more than ever but as I always say, am so thankful for all the days we did have, there isn't a day that goes by that something doesn't bring a memory of you to my thoughts. I love you mom.
November 08, 2011
Hi Mom,
Well Ida just left. It would have been so fun for her to come when you were still here. You would have LOVED her. It was so much fun having her here. It brought back SO many happy memories of you and I. We went shopping, we went out to lunch, to dinner, shopping some more, to the river, to the museum, etc. Things that I so enjoyed doing with you. I wish so much now I had a daughter that I could spend time with. She would have been so lucky to have you as a grandma. I know how Kinsey feels and she is so grateful for you as we all are. Thanksgiving is coming and it's going to be a tough one as I'm sure Brad and the girls won't be here as well as Rob...we will for sure be thinking of you though mom. I went to visit Bev in her new home the weekend before last. It was so fun with her and Ginger. I remember how much fun we all would have together. I forget what it was I said, but we were all standing in the kitchen making dinner and they said something and I said something back and we all just looked at each other, we had to laugh, did you do it? I said something that sounded EXACTLY like something you would have said. It was weird. Even I was kind of shocked to hear it come out of my mouth. haha I know at times like that you are with me and I feel so happy. Thanks again mom for being you!!! I love you so much and miss you so much more.
October 24, 2011
Hi Mom,
Today is Dad's birthday, I know you know that, you never forgot a birthday, but will you please say happy birthday to him? I wish he had a page like you do here, it's a nice way to feel like I'm talking to you and to tell you things that I constantly think I can say over picking up the phone. Please tell Dad how much I love him and miss him, and say happy birthday. I can't believe that he would be 76 this year. I know he died much too early and I guess that's the way I always will remember him, at age 58. I love you dad, I love you mom.
October 20, 2011
Hey Mom,
Well today I became a "grandma". James' baby was born two months early. You should see him, you would just love him. I was so lucky to have you and that you loved Jim's kids so much. I know they loved you as well and I know you are helping make our "baby James" strive and get home quickly. I love you mom....The missing you every day is easy, the loss in my heart is what is so hard...
October 13, 2011
Hi Mom,
We have Ida here, Marianne's granddaughter and it's so fun. She's the sweetest girl and her Swedish accent is SO cute. I almost feel like I'm talking to grandma sometimes with certain things that she says. I wish you here to meet her. I know how proud you were of our Swedish heritage and it hurts so much to think that when I went there you couldn't go with us, and then now she is here and you can't meet her. I hope you are looking down and seeing her. We took her to the Swedish Institute yesterday, one of your favorite spots but it was CLOSED!! I'm sure she has seen first hand all the things there but it would have still been nice for her to see it. When things in my life happen like this I was so used to you being here, being a big part of it, visiting and touring with people. I miss you so much and so much more at times like this. You always knew the best places to go, how to make people feel so at home, how to make the best conversation. I Love you Mom!!!
October 06, 2011
Hi Mom,
Here it is Benjamin's 13th birthday. I know if you were here you would be making it such a special day for him. I am going there after work, to dinner, to give him a present and to spend time with my nephew...Mom, I just can't believe that you're not "here" to see him, to make this day so special for him. He loves you so much and misses you every day. WE all do of course, but Benjamin, well you know as well as I do that he was YOUR little boy, your buddy, the the little boy you waited for. I'm sure he's missing his mother at this time too, I hope that I can help with him missing the two ladies in his life. I will try to make it as special as you would, hopefully you taught me well.
September 30, 2011
Hi Mom,
Our little girl is coming home tomorrow after being gone for a few weeks again. I swear, you would laugh, she goes more places than we ever did...or it sure seems like it. Now she will be home until Thanksgiving and then back to Nebraska again. I wish you could have met her grandparents, I think you would like them, they love our girl so much and she loves them. Benjamin isn't liking school so well but he wants a dog so I told him maybe he can "borrow" our dogs for a while and see if he can take care of them well, if so then if his grades are where they should be and he helps his dad around the house he can get a dog. Okay, that was the easy part, the hard part is MAKING Greg stick to this plan...he sometimes spoils Benjamin....hahaha okay, all the time...Mom, it's just so strange without you here. I still have so many things to say to you, so many things to talk about, so many hugs to give and so many I love yous that you should hear....I love you mom.
September 21, 2011
Hi Mom,
For some reason, and I don't know what it is, I have been wanting to call you all week, every day. Are you trying to tell me something? I haven't thought about picking up the phone to call you in a very long time, but this week I keep thinking I should do that. I'm not sure what it is right now mom but the feeling of missing you is overwhelming. Why now? It's just so weird. I know I will ALWAYS miss you and think of you, but it's like you just left me yesterday right now, all the feelings are right here staring me in the face each day. Is there something I should know, something you are trying to convey to me and I'm just not getting it? I was going to start Christmas shopping this week, something I know will hurt a lot. It only hurts though because of the many, many, good memories I have of doing this with you. The days that we spent all day shopping, doing lunch, then more shopping, then staying at the hotel, then dinner, then watching movies, then waking up and doing more shopping. Ah, I so miss those days. I know I have said it before, but nobody can take you place with me shopping....I remember how you always found the perfect gift. I hope you can guide me this year in finding those gifts, I'm not so good at it, and the last year wasn't good as I just didn't want to even shop. I will do it this year though mom, I know you would want me to.
Love you so much mom and miss you more.
September 15, 2011
Well mom, Breagha is on her way to be in yet another wedding..that little girl is just so busy with parties, you would be so happy to see her in all her pretty dresses and her hair all done. I know you can "see" her, but I can just see you smiling at her and telling her how pretty she is. I remember when you babysat her and you just loved every minute of it. It breaks my heart that she won't know her GG...I was thinking today about all the fun I had with you as a child. Now that it's getting colder it reminded me of the time at the beach every morning...I loved that we would go to the beach at 9am, soak up the sun, buy a frozen candy bar, and then head home when it started to get busy...I LOVED all that time. Then I remember when I was about 14 and being too "cool" to go to the beach with a "mom"...I am sure it hurt you, and I'm sorry...I think now so much how I wish I had just one day at the beach with you, just one day at Rosedale, just one lunch, one dinner, one TV show, one movie, just anything...But...then I have to realize ALL that I DID have and it was great, the best a girl could ask for. I was so loved by you and dad and I knew it. I'm sorry, so sorry that maybe I didn't always show it. I loved you both so much and forever miss both of you....
September 12, 2011
Hi Mom,
It was so nice to spend time with Rob and Greg last week. I Know you were there in spirit watching us chat and have a good time on the patio. I so wish you had been there in "person". I miss your smile and the way we all just seemed to be "closer" when you were there. I watched those sad movies this weekend and I know you were watching them with me...why do I watch those just to cry, just to think of you? I will never forget you or anything about you, not your voice, your kindness, your spirit, your courage, not a thing, but I guess sometimes I miss so much watching movies with you that it's a "good" cry to watch them...I love you mom!! You will FOREVER be my hero!!
August 30, 2011
Hey Mom,
Donnie and Sonja left now, it was so good to see them but of course I just kept seeing you sitting on our patio or out to dinner with us. My heart was full with love for your family but so empty without your presence. I miss you mom. You would have loved being with Breagha at dinner, she's so good, she just lights up our lives. I know she lit up yours for the first couple of years and I remember how happy you were that she was born so you could buy some new dollies. I was at my class reunion and so many people asked about you and when I said you passed they were so sad. You surely made a lasting impression on so many mom, but of course I knew that, I just hope that you know that!! I love you mom and miss you ever so much.
August 09, 2011
Your brother and family will be here shortly and I'm sure it will be a bitter sweet time, I love to have them, and then when they leave it's like a part of you leaving again, it's so hard but again so good. I love you mom and so wish you were here to smile at me.....
July 29, 2011
Hello Mom,
I'm having such a hard day and always know that when I can write to you it makes me feel a bit better. I remember calling you at any hour of the day just to talk and you never minded. I think you probably should have killed some days but you didn't , you just listened and got me through whatever crisis I thought I was having that day. I love you Mom and I miss you so very much. As I have said so many times and I will NEVER stop saying it, Thank you for being my mother.
July 18, 2011
Hi Mom,
Once again, I'm sure you must have been with me driving in the storm Thank you, I love you.
July 13, 2011
Hi Mom,
Oh how I have missed you this many things make me think of you each and every day and so many things just make me want to pick up a phone and hear your voice, to come over and see your smile and knowing that those two things that I so miss can't be done again hurts so much. I know I will always remember the voice, the smile and your special way of always making me feel so loved, but not seeing and hearing you is so hard. I Love you so much and miss you so much more. Knowing I had you in my life for as long as I did though makes me smile all in itself.....I had a good life thanks to you mom.
July 05, 2011
Thank you SO much for getting me through the storm, I know you had to have been there with me as I was so hysterical. I prayed and I'm sure it was you that made us get to our destination safe through the storm....Thank you mom!! I LOVE you.
June 30, 2011
Hi Grandma,
Did you see Breagha's recital?! Wasn't she cute?! I'm sure you know your gonna be a great-grandma again:) Makes me sooo thankful you were here to meet Breagha and spend time with her. I really miss you Grandma. I know you'll be right there to get me when it's my time. Love you lots, XOXO
June 29, 2011
Hi Mom,
I need you to guide me to help me get through these times....I am sure you see me struggling to do the right thing, to say the right thing, and be that person but I am sure you also see me not doing it very well. Sometimes I feel like I'm lost, that I'm not "me" anymore and that nobody seems to know me either so I must not be me any more. I know whenever I talked to you that you could always make me see what I was doing and tell me what to do to correct it, I'm asking now mom. I know when that sign comes you have sent me a message, a message to help me through. I love you with all my heart and soul.
June 22, 2011
Hi Mom,
Okay, these dreary days are really getting to me and of course the days like this just make me miss you more. On rainy days it was so fun to go with you shopping, or out to eat, or just to curl up and watch a TV show and not worry about the other things we needed to get done...I miss you mom, I love you more, and I await the day that I will see you again...
June 10, 2011
Hi Mom,
Talked to Dorothy, Ginger, and Brad last night...I always think to call you after or before talking to them and go to call and realize, no, you won't be there to answer the phone. I miss your voice so much mom. Just wanted to tell you that. I love you.
June 06, 2011
Hi Mom,
Spent Saturday with Kelly, Jen, and Jen's boyfriend. It was so nice to have time with "your" family and talk about all kinds of things about our mom and dad. We all miss you and Gordy so much. We had so many fun stories to remember and so many things we wish you were still here to "see". I hope you were with to see Breagha's she put it, "I was the best monkey ever wasn't I?" haha She did so good. I love you mom.
June 01, 2011
Hi mom,
The sun is FINALLY shining and it's beautiful out today. This kind of a day so reminds me of you, we would be out to lunch, buying geraniums for your yard, or you would be weeding, or planting veggies in your garden. Oh how I miss those days of you smiling so much. I know your last days you still smiled, you tried so hard to be strong for us, and you still were the one who felt sorry for us!! Mom, I wish you would have never had to endure any pain, any sickness, and most of all any sadness. I wish I could take all those days you fought back, but in one way, the days you fought made me realize what I had so much more than I already knew. It made me realize the kind of woman I wish to be some day. I love you mom.
May 27, 2011
Hi Mom,
I know I would NEVER have to tell you this, but Jayne's dad passed away and I know you will be seeing him, make sure you give him some kisses for me!! I can't make it to the funeral, work won't let me off, but please welcome him with some hugs for me. I know you would even if I hadn't asked you to. Thanks mom, I love you and continure to miss you and think of you EVERY day. I know one day I will be with you again, but in the meantime, I will have you in my thoughts and dreams every day and night.
May 23, 2011
HAPPY BIRTHDAY GRANDMA!!! Do they celebrate birthdays in heaven? If they do I'm sure your lookin like 25 years old every year:)
I forgot to tell you the opera was wonderful! I'm not sure I would have liked it so much if it wasn't wuthering heights though. It was so hard to understand the singing. I think I'd rather go to the ballet or to a play.
Breagha's dance recital is coming up! I know you'll be watching her do her monkey dance with us:) Keep your eye on her for me grandma. We love you. XOXO
May 19, 2011
Hi Mom,
I am not going to have access to a computer on our birthday so I thought I would write today.
It seems so unreal that I'm spending another birthday without you. It feels like forever since I heard you say "How are you Anna Marie?" I never thought that five simple words would be so missed, or even more the three words I wish I could "say" to you to your smiling face, "I Love You." I know you are watching me and know how much I love you, but to see you would be so much better. Anyway, wanted to say it's going to be hard on Monday without you, this will only be the third time in my whole life not to be with you on "our day". Thank you for making my life so wonderful, and thank you for being you, and most of all thank for showing me love my whole life!! I miss you mom, Happy Birthday. I love you.
May 11, 2011
Hi Mom,
Today is our little girls 30th birthday!! Can you believe that? I remember you and I patiently waiting in the waiting room at Unity late into the night for our girl to arrive...And I remember how happy we were to have a GIRL!!! I wish you were here to see her and see what a wonderful woman she is and what a fantastic mother she has become. I know she would wish you were here too to share in this day with her. We made such a good little "shopper" out of her!! I love you!!
May 05, 2011
Hi MOm,
Let's see if you can see what I write today. I have tried to write four times now since Easter. I miss you so much. Easter was just not the same as when you were here to put out all your bunnies, your wonderful "egg tree", and to see your smiling face. I tried my best to keep up some kind of family tradition but it seems holidays don't matter as much now as when you were here. They do to me. I love you so much mom. Hope you could see Breagha finding her basket and having so much fun with her mommy and grandpa. Please give my grandma a HUGE kiss since she has been gone two years as of yesterday!! I miss her so. And also, give my dad a hug and kiss too. Well while you're at it please kiss my other grandparents and my aunts and uncles too. Love you mom!!!
April 29, 2011
Hi Mom,
Okay, for some reason my postings are showing up. I have wrote twice before this, once the day before Easter and once yesterday....what is going on here? I miss you so much mom, I'm trying to do things to make our family still be a "family." Anyway, I love you so much and miss you even more, please smile for us so the sun shines down here and please give my dad a big hug and a kiss, I miss him so much too. I love you mom.
April 28, 2011
HI Mom,
Wow, I wrote you a LONG page at Easter. Some how it didn't show up. I was so sad on Easter, so disappointed. I planned things, nobody wanted to do them, then thought I could do them another day but it just didn't seem the same. You always loved Easter so much, hiding the eggs for the kids, putting out all your bunnies, and lets not forget your egg tree with the pretty wooden, colored eggs. Mom, I miss you so much and am truly trying to do what I can for all of us to remain a family, but it's hard. You need to give me some clues, some signs please. I miss you so much. And please....could we have a little sunshine down here? All you would have to do is smile I'm sure...And another thing, please kiss my dad for me, I miss him so much too.
April 22, 2011
Hi Mom,
Just really needed to write to you today as my tears flow to no end. I know how much you LOVED Easter, hiding eggs, making a wonderful meal or sometimes going out to brunch, putting all your bunnies out around the house, you had so many cute ones, and lets not forget your wonderful Easter tree with it's pretty colored wooden eggs. Well I have so tried to have the family together for holidays but mom, it's hard, it seems nobody cares about them anymore, seems they just think it's another day and in essence some are, but you always made them special, made us feel special and that's just not here anymore. I planned, or tried to plan an Easter dinner and nobody will be there, so mom, It's Jim and I and you!! I will be spending it with you. I love you!! I miss you so much but your memories are so full in my heart and soul that I can never forget the love you gave me. Happy Easter mom, and please give my dad a kiss for me too.
April 21, 2011
I'm so excited for tonight-mom and me are going to the opera at the ordway. It's wuthering heights! This will be my first time going to the opera. I wasn't very interested before but wuthering heights is one of my favorite books so I hope I like it. I can't wait to tell you all about it!
I love you and miss you!
April 14, 2011
Hi mom,
I'm so missing you this week, it's been one of the horrible ones...Greg had surgery last Friday, it was worse than they thought, I picked up Benjamin and he stayed with Jim and I. Mom, he misses you so much too, and has become SO polite, you would be proud. So he spent the night and we went shopping and to lunch and all the things we "three" use to do. He was such a trooper looking at DSW with all those shoes and forever watching me trying to make up my mind. Anyway, Greg is doing good and Jim is recovering as well. I was just feeling so overwhelmed with everyone that I love having to be cared for so much and running here and there I thought I would fall apart, but Mom, you made me get through it, thank you....I could hear your voice telling me thank you. I love you mom....
April 06, 2011
Hi mom,
I have to write today, wanted to yesterday because I was missing you so much. I went to MI and all the way there thought of our road trips, the fun we had and all the talking we did. When I got home the first thing I thought of was to call you and tell you about the trip and of course I couldn't. I know you could see all that was going on and I know you were there because when I asked you to please make it stop raining it did!! Okay, I asked Dad and Grandma too so maybe it was all of you, but all the same it stopped. I wish I could have one more hour with you to talk, to hear your voice, to see your eyes, your smile!! I would take one minute mom, I miss you so much!! I love you so much and miss you more than ever.
March 29, 2011
Hi Mom,
The sun is shining and it's a good day, the thought of you not being here doesn't make it as good, but it brings a smile to my face just to write to you. I miss you more than ever. I know that will be there forever and I have to get used to it but it's still so hard. You have helped me so much to not totally crumble though. I am SO happy we had so much cherished time together, long talks, shopping, lunches, and just being still together. I am so grateful for that relationship and will never forget a moment of it. thanks again for being such a wonderful mother mom.
March 17, 2011
As I sit here today and realize it's St. Patricks day more memories come flooding back to me. The green milk when we were kids, how dad almost killed you because he couldn't even drink it being it was green. The green eggs for breakfast, the dye was in everything that day and you took such joy in making baked goods, and something Irish for dinner for all of us too. Even though we weren't Irish you wanted to make us feel a little special that day....of course you never thought so, but you made us feel special everyday with everything you did for us....You were a great mother mom!!! I love you.
March 16, 2011
Hi Mom,
I have been thinking of spring coming and how you always loved flowers to be planted and how you would get ready for Easter with your Easter tree...I might have to put that one up in the house this year. Anyway, with all the warmth coming and this sun I am so reminded of so many things about you, your smile, your soothing voice, your kindess, your soft, soft, hands, the way you would just sit and read and I could sit by and read too and it was such a comfort even though we weren't even talking. The shopping trips to find the perfect things for the kids. You are my sunshine, my only sunshine mom!! I love you.
March 04, 2011
Mom, Please be with me this weekend....I've been so terribly lonely for you lately....I need to feel your presence, smell your scent, that scent that I always loved so much, BEAUTIFUL, and that's what you always will be to me mom. I love you, and I know I will see your smile shining down on me.
March 01, 2011
Thank you for the sunshine today mom!!
February 23, 2011
It's a tough, tough, day. Going to Kate's funeral, I know you would be there too if you could. Please be with me while I go through yet another VERY difficult time, knowing you are beside me is the best feeling mom. I know between your smile and kindness, and Kate's smile and sweetest, heaven is going to be a better place. I miss you mom!!
February 22, 2011
Hi Mom,
I miss you!!!
February 16, 2011
Hi Mom,
I am missing you so this week and last...Not sure why so much, but I am...Maybe because I'm missing dad so much too. You know how I am on the 14th of Feb and the whole week leading to the 19th. I wish you were here. You always had the best things to say to me while I was sad. I know many times we were sad together...I'm so lucky to have had two such great parents that loved each other no matter what. I miss you mom, and please tell Dad I miss him so much too. It's been almost seventeen years, I can't believe that. I'm glad I had so many years with you as so many people have living parents and don't have any good years....better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all...I know that's not exactly what I'm talking about here, but I love that saying and it sort of fits....I love you mom.
February 07, 2011
Oh, I forgot to tell you, well you probably already know...I watched Terms of Endearment a few days ago, of course I cried, and cried, and not just because of the movie, but I remember I took you to see that movie on Mothers Day back in 1983. That was a very great day in my life mom....I love you. Days are getting easier, but they are never going to be less lonely without you here!!!
February 07, 2011
Hi mom,
It seems like yesterday I was sitting on your sofa watching TV and talking with you. You, as always, happy and smiling, talking about what we should do for Easter. I miss those times so much, the simple, close, times that happened so often. We could just sit and watch TV without saying a word and I felt like I was in heaven just being there with you. You were always so comforting. I don't know how you did it all the time, how you could always be so cheerful despite anything in your life that wasn't right. I so admire that in you and hope someday I will have those qualities too. I love you mom and miss you.
January 31, 2011
Okay mom,
you were kind enough to send warmth when I asked, now can you make it stop snowing already? We are done for this year I think...PLEASE.
January 28, 2011
Hi Mom,
thank you for sending some warm weather are STILL giving me everything...I love you.
January 21, 2011
I know I have always asked a lot of you, and of course you have always given it to me being the spoiled girl I was. But can you please, please, please, just send some of your WARM heart down this way....It's cold here....I love you Mom!!
January 20, 2011
Thanks for getting Breagha home safe and well. It's a blessing to know you are watching over all of us. I love you so much.
January 19, 2011
I hope you were holding my hand yesterday, in fact, I'm sure you were or I wouldn't have been able to do it. thank you, thank you, thank you....I will never forget the many things you have done for me in your life and now in your after life....I love you so and miss you more.
January 12, 2011
Hi Mom,
just thinking of you and how you always made everyone feel so good when they were feeling down, or sick, or just any way. Kinsey told me Breagha is sick and she's in Nebraska with the other grandparents; can you watch over her and make sure she is okay? I know Kinsey would appreciate it. I'm sure it's hard for her to be away from her baby when she's sick and visa versa too. Anyway, please watch over our Breagha mom!! Love you so much.
January 11, 2011
Hi Mom,
thanks for watching over me so much this winter as I drive, I sure appreciate it as you know I have become you in my driving....haha I love you so much.
January 05, 2011
Sorry if I sounded pitiful in the last entry. I just feel that way at times, it's not the way I feel all the time and I hope you can see that. I don't want you to think I'm sad all the time because I know you would never want that. I so remember our conversation on November 17th on the way home from the Dr. I won't let you down mom, I really won't....I love you.
January 05, 2011
Hi mom,
Another week, more memories, more tears, more saddness. I thought this was suppose to get easier...I am sure you told me this. I miss you so much. We didn't win at pull tabs last week, maybe that was your way of telling me to save my money for a trip? I will have to plan that now, a trip in your honor, maybe on our birthday mom. I love you.
December 29, 2010
Dear Anna,
Your mom is so proud of you and her whole family It hasn't been easy for any of you, and when I read what you read in her guest book, it brings tears into my heart, as I know you miss her so much.

The passing of a Mother is the hardest anyone can endure.. I still hurt every single moment and just little things that I remember, makes the tears come down, it's just so painful.

Cherish every single memory as this is what life is all about.

I love you like my own daughter Anna, don't ever forget that


December 29, 2010
Oh grandma,
How I miss you. It's only been one year...what will I do all the rest of the years? I'm so glad you were here long enough to know Breagha. You were the best grandma a little girl could ask for. I love you. Please watch over Breagha while she's in Nebraska. xoxo
December 29, 2010
Today seems like an eternity since I have heard your voice, seen your smile and yet it seems like last night that I was taking you to the Dr., to go shopping, and on one of our trips. I will forever and ever remember you for everything you were and did. I miss you so!! I love you more than I could ever imagine and I just hope to God that I told you enough when you were here with me. I know you always made me feel loved and made sure I knew you loved me. You were the most unselfish, giving, thoughtful person I have ever met and like I have said a million times I only hope that I could be HALF that woman!! I love you mom and miss you!!! I can't believe a year has come and gone. How I miss every phone call to you, every visit, every shopping trip, every lunch date, every pull tab date, and just sitting watching TV or reading with you. I miss our long conversations, our movie dates. I might have to watch Gone with the Wind for you this weekend mom!! I miss never being able to go to Tahoe, to California, or on our many trips on our birthdays. I just can't even think you are not here physically with me anymore!! Sometimes I think I will wake up and this is all a dream and you will call me and say, "good morning Anna Marie" and I will see your smile and hear your caring voice over that phone. I think of the day that we will be reunited and laugh and talk. Mom, me and a couple friends are going to go play some pull tabs in your honor tonight, please bring me your luck!! I love you mom, thank you, thank you, thank you, for being you and loving me so much. I love you.
December 29, 2010
Remembering you today Joan and your beautiful is the day God took you into his hands and took your pain away. You left a lifetime of impressions beautiful lady.
December 28, 2010
I am so remembering this EXACT time last year when I received a call to come to your house as you had taken a turn. I ran out of work, headed to your house and laid in bed with you for hours, stroking your hands, talking to you, combing your hair, smiling and remembering what a wonderful life you gave me!! I laid in bed with you, slept next to you hoping you knew I was there, hoping you could hear all the things I was saying and knowing how wonderful I felt being so close to you. I was, and am, so blessed to have you as my mother. I can NEVER say that enough. I know lots of people have wonderful parents, mothers, fathers, and how in the world could I have been so blessed to have two of the best? This past year was so hard, losing uncle Burnette, then Grandma, and then you. You were so strong all the way through and you fought a tough battle. I'm so happy you are in a pain free world now with happiness all the time, that's what keeps me going, knowing that you are smiling all the time. I hope you're getting fatter too mom!! ha I love you, miss you, and treasure all the wonderful years, months, days, hours, and minutes we had together.
December 27, 2010
We so missed you on Christmas Eve, and Christmas, it just wasn't the same. I know you were watching with your smiles being sent to us though. You got a kick out of Breagha I'm sure, she's so funny and it hurts so much to think you weren't here physically to see her having so much fun, you loved her so. Thank you for making all of us the people we are today mom, if you hadn't done that we wouldn't have been able to enjoy the days so far I'm sure. I love you so much!! Merry Christmas to my smiling mother!!
December 25, 2010
Merry Christmas Grandma!!!!!!!!!!
December 24, 2010
Merry Christmas Eve!!! We miss you and are thinking of you! It's not the same without you:( Nothing is:( We love you soo much and I hope you have time tomorrow night to watch us eat food that you shoulda cooked and open gifts. Although you'll probably be looking down thinking thank God I don't have to cook for all those people anymore:) I love you. xoxo
December 20, 2010
Hi Mom,
I missed you so extremely much this weekend. I am so trying to make you proud by not being so sad, but so far I haven't been very successful, I will of course keep trying, for you!! I love you so much and am sure not looking forward to next week!! I hope you saw Breagha at her dance recital on Saturday, she was so happy, funny, and cute. I wish you were there sitting next to me so I could "see" that smile on your face as you would have watched her. I LOVE YOU!!
December 14, 2010
Please look out over me extra today.
thank you, I love you!!!
December 06, 2010
Thank you, Thank you again....It was a lot of snow and it took a long time to get through it but I wasn't even scared, you were with me in the car weren't you? I have so turned into you with that driving in the snow....hahaha I'm so glad you took the ride with me, I appreciate it mom. Love you much.
December 03, 2010
Please mom don't the let the snow scare me...and please don't let the snow storm make me crash....Love you much.
November 30, 2010
Hi Mom,
Thanksgiving has come and gone and it just was no way the same without you. I so am thankful for the many good times we had in previous years though, that's something I will ALWAYS be so gratful for, you made every holiday so special. Well in actuality you made EVERY DAY special mom. Every day!! I miss you so much. We are carrying on your tradition of giving instead of receiving at Christmas again this year. We found a family and sent them a check yesterday, it warms our heart to give like this, to know that a family is going to have a Christmas like you always made for us, knowing that a part of you is shining through us, thank you so much for showing me the value of giving, another thing I'm gratful for mom. I love you with all my heart and soul.
November 19, 2010
Hi Mom,
Just trying to figure out Thanksgiving. It's really sad to think I have to "figure" it out. It was always such a nice time at your house, being there cooking with you, smelling the food throughout the day, having everyone eating together like we did when we were kids. This year is going to be a tough one, I know we can do it, and we will, just for you. It will be a year of trying to carry on your traditions and also having to add some or our new ones. I will have you on my mind all day, please make sure my dinner turns out okay...haha I love you mom.
November 16, 2010
Hi Mom,
Thinking about you so much lately. It's almost Thanksgiving and it's going to be the strangest, not cooking with you, not coming to your house, not eating on the "rooster" dishes...well I guess we could do that...but holy cow, how strange, after 46 years of being at your house and cooking with you that this won't be happening. I know of course this year is the year of "firsts", first birthday without you, first mother's day without you, first Thanksgiving day without you, first Christmas without you. I know it's a tough year for all of us, but like I keep telling myself, thanks for all the good you did while you were here. Our lives would never be the same if it weren't for the great childhood we were brought up in. I thank you for each and every memory you have made for me along the way. I know we have to start carrying on your traditions and memories, but it's so hard without you....I miss you so mom. I love you.
November 11, 2010
Hi mom,
I am going to a wake today, nothing fun...Oh how I wish people didn't have to die but I know we all have a plan and it has to happen. My friend Peggy's son passed away on Monday, he was also a friend of mine. I know, and am so glad that you are there already, please welcome him, I know you would do no less. I am so glad to know that my friend can be with you, he's in good hands!! I know Peggy would be very happy to know that her son is with you. I miss you so much mom, I don't think I can ever stop saying that, I know in time it will get easier but I know there will never be a time that I won't miss you and wish for one more minute, one more second with you, one more smile, and just one more, "Anna Marie, everything is going to be okay." I love you mom.
November 05, 2010
Hi Mom,
Another week slowly went by, another week of missing you. You would have had so much fun with the kids for Halloween, you would just be laughig at Breagha. She is so funny. Benjamin missed you too, he was so use to coming up and sitting with you, showing you his costume and having fun. I am so glad you are in sunny skys all day and with no pain, but I just wish you could have been here like that. I don't understand why YOU had to get cancer, why YOU were chosen, you have been nothing but GOOD your whole life. I know I shouldn't wonder why, I should just know that God has a plan, and I know He has one for me too. I love you mom and miss you so much.
October 27, 2010
All the wind the last two days has once again stirred up a good memory, thank you for all of those by the way, but I remember you and Benjamin walking to school or to the store and Benjamin would always say he will hold your hands so you won't blow away...haha I'm holding your hands now mom, I love you.
October 21, 2010
Halloween is getting closer and it's going to be so strange without you, without you taking pictures of the kids and having fun. I remember the time you dressed up as a scarecrow and went to work on stilts. I laughed so hard, everyone was so stunned and happy. That's what I miss so much, those funny little things that you did to make me laugh all the time. I wish you could make me laugh again. I konw in time I will, but right now mom, it's just so hard. I love you so, and miss you more.
October 15, 2010
Another week has passed, it seems like eternity to me, but then it also seems like yesterday that you and I were driving in the car to your last Dr. appt. the appt. I never wanted to go to, never wanted or thought I would hear the words, "there's no more we can do". I don't konw how you stayed so strong and supported me, telling me not to worry. But that was you mom, always caring for everyone before yourself. If I can only be HALF the woman you were I would be very lucky. I love you mom and miss you so much.
October 13, 2010
I picked out Halloween cards today for my dad and grandma Lucy...It was so hard not to buy you one too. I started crying at the store. Every time Breagha plays with a toy you bought her or when I use the perfume you got me, or when I see something that reminds me of you...I miss you so much grandma. You helped make my life so wonderful...I love you and patiently await the day that we can all be together again.
October 07, 2010
It was Benjamin's birthday yesterday, twelve years old!! I know he missed you so, you always made his birthday special for him. Always made a cake, bought just the right present and gave him so many kisses and hugs. He might be a little old for the hugs and kisses now, but I bet he would gladly take them if you could give them to him just one more time.
October 06, 2010
It's almost time for Halloween! I'm sposed to be coming over with Breagha in her costume so she can can get her Halloween presents from you! I just took out all our decorations and Breagha was so excited to play with the singing frogs in the cauldron that you gave her for her 2nd Halloween. I was surprised the batteries still work. We miss you and we will be thinking of you on Halloween. You watch us trick or treating! XOXO
October 06, 2010
Hi Mom,
A beautiful day is here today, thank you. Thank you for making every day of my life while I was a child and an adult beautiful, it could be nothing but beautiful with you as my mother. I love you.
September 30, 2010
Hi Mom,
I was working last night and the lady at the pull tabs had candy, I went to get some and reached in and it was Dot's!! I so remember you always wanting Dot's, you must have handed them to me!! Thank you mom. I know memories are good, they mean you had a person that you loved and that loved you, but I sure miss making new memories and I sure miss you!! You are forever in my heart and always on my mind. I love you mom.
September 23, 2010
The days are so long..when, oh when, do they get shorter, or more enjoyable? It's raining today and depressing, can you make the sun shine please? Missing you more than ever!!!
September 16, 2010
I love you, I miss you.
September 13, 2010
Hi Mom,
Just me AGAIN. I just feel so much comfort when writing to you. How I wish I could hear your voice and see your smile again Mom. It's been a tough week, but just writing to you always makes me feel better. I know you know that I'm always thinking of you but writing helps me. I love you mom.
September 09, 2010
Hi Mom,
I was just reading a book you gave me and of course remember all our conversations on which ones were good, how gruesome some were since we picked all those true life crime books, haha, but we sure enjoyed reading them and talking about them all. I found many at your house and will for sure keep a lot of them. The others I will donate I'm sure, not sure if anyone would really want them, sometimes I think only you and I shared that liking of those types of books. Another thing I so miss about you mom, we enjoyed so many things together, not one of my friends really connected to me like you did. I have a wonderful bunch of friends, but you know what I mean. Well another couple of weeks has passed and I think about you every minute. Love you so much!!
August 27, 2010
Hi Mom,
Boy it seems fall is almost here and that means winter is almost here, which means it's almost been a year since you have been gone. It seems so long but again it seems so short. I feel somedays like I just talked to you yesterday as we were driving in the car, or sitting on your sofa. But holy cow Mom, some days I feel like I haven't seen you or talked you in YEARS. Every minute I miss you so.
August 24, 2010
I just read the most amazing thing and right away I thought of you. A woman was dying and asked her minister to make sure she was buried with a fork in her right hand, the minister was puzzled, the woman said she remembered as a child and growing up when the dishes were cleared from a meal they would say "keep your fork" , that meant something better was coming. I wish I would have saw this before, but it's not too late, I hope you have a fork in your hand mom, you so deserve it. Love you ever so much.
August 20, 2010
I wish you were here to see how happy Kinsey is, it's so great to see. Jerry is a WONDERFUL man and so perfect for your granddaughter, I know you would just love him. I wish you were here to see her physically at her wedding. I know you will be there all the way for her in spirit, that makes all of us feel good. I told her to post a picture here of Jerry, her and Breagha so you could see it every day. You are missed so much from all of us!! Our lives will never be the same, but our lives were so blessed by you mom. Love you TONS.
August 18, 2010
I'm finally engaged!! And your not here to see my ring! I never imagined you wouldnt be here for my wedding. Maybe we could put your urn on a table and you could watch from there...people might think it's weird but who cares:) I really do miss you grandma. It was my grandma Lucy's birthday today and she is here from Arizona so we took her to the olive garden today. It was her first time meeting Jerry. He said she was really nice and all I could think was I wish he had been able to meet you too. You have always been so special to much more than just a grandma...I love you!! I know you will be there waiting for me when it's my time. xoxo
August 18, 2010
Hi Mom,
I think, or maybe I know you were so with me yesterday. I could smell your perfume all day. Thanks, I think I had a smile on my face all day knowing you were around me. I love you!!
August 13, 2010
I so wish you were here today, (physically) every day actually, of course; but today I'm missing you more than ever. I miss your smile, your voice, the smell of your perfume, and everything else too. I so miss being able to pick up that phone and hear your voice and if I was having a bad day just the sound of your voice made it better. I don't know how you did these things, but I sure am grateful for all if. I love you mom.
August 10, 2010
Hi Mom,
YOu must have been watching over me this weekend when I fell down the stairs. I didn't break anything for once. haha Thank you mom. You're still taking care of me and I appreciate it.
August 05, 2010
I miss you grandma...
August 05, 2010
Hi Mom,
I was talking yesterday and the day before to various people about the fair. Ah, yes, the fair. Of course that brings me to think of all the good times we had at the fair when I was young and then again when I got "older" and could realize that being with your mom at the fair was COOL. haha I remember you always letting me try to win every game; I didn't do so well at most but once in a while I got that prize!! Then you would ALWAYS buy me something fun to bring home and remember our time with. Of course we would walk for miles, talk, look at everything, AND eat everything. Days and things like that you just can't forget, you can't take those memories away. I am thinking that Benjamin and I should go this year and do all the things we use to do. I miss you mom!! When I go tot he fair I will have a corn dog just for you. Oh yeah, I suppose I better go in the grandstand and get you some salt water taffy too!! That was ALWAYS your favorite. I love you so and miss you so much more, every day!!
August 02, 2010
Hi Mom,
It's Monday once again which means another week without your presence. I miss you so much!! I will NEVER forget you for all you were!!
July 26, 2010
Hi Mom,
Another week has gone by, it seems so long since you left us but again it seems so short.
I was watching a movie yesterday and the woman on it shared her birthday with her daughter, she said God did that so that neither of them would ever have a bad birthday, she was right, I NEVER had a bad birthday, EVER. I hope you never did either. Okay, maybe the one when I was born wasn't so hot, but I hope the others were as good as you always made mine. I love you so much, not a minute goes by that I don't think about you and the love, joy, and happiness you brought to EVERYONE here. I guess that's why it's so hard to be without you. Maybe you should have been a mean lady, then I wouldn't be so lonely and sad.....LOVE YOU ALL THE DAYS OF MY LIFE!!!!
July 20, 2010
Hi Mom,
I am so lonely for you. I pray every day that I will meet you in my dreams and it hasn't happened yet....the invitation is there so please come. I love you so much and miss you even more. Not a month, week, day, hour, minute, or second goes by that I don't think about you. When we were up at Bev's for her birthday it brought back so many memeories. They gave me a book that grandma put together when dad died. Mom, it just reaffirmed what a classy, lovely, caring woman you were. I read the letter you wrote her. I am so glad once again to have had you and dad as MY parents, I could never ask for anyone better!! I will see you in my dreams.....
July 07, 2010
I'm going to miss you this weekend. It was always so much fun going with you on our little road trips to relatives. I had some of the most fun at those times, long talks, laughs, etc. I love you mom and we will all be missing you over the weekend, hope you will be there with all of us.
July 06, 2010
Of course just thinking of you like I always do. Love you ever so much.
June 25, 2010
Hi Mom,
Another two weeks without your voice, your smile, your wisdom, and most of all your presence. I miss you more than ever mom. We will be celebrating Breagha's third birthday and I know you will be there in spirit; you loved her so much. I remember when she was born you were the first one up there. Then we had to pick out the "perfect" baby for her, the "perfect" outfit for her and you always did it. She loved you so much!! I hope you saw her as your hearse pulled away waving and saying "bye great grandma, bye great grandma, I love you." It was so sweet, yet so hard. She will never get to experience your loving soul. I only hope and pray that maybe, just maybe she will some how remember something about all the time you spent with her. She had some cake on your birthday, we celebrated for you!! I love you so much and miss you ever so much more.
June 20, 2010
Hi Grandma,
We sure do miss you.I'm sure you know since I tell you every night at bedtime. Did you watch Breagha's recital? She sure was cute huh? I can't believe she is gonna be 3 this week! It seems like only yesterday I was pregnant and with you everyday, and now there are no more days. I try to be thankful for all the time I did get with you, but I wish you could be here so Breagha could know you the way I do. Who will play chinese checkers with Breagha and who will tell her what a davenport is? Thank you for being such a good grandma! Here is a pic of Breagha eating your birthday cake last month.She said she would eat your piece for you:) xoxo
June 08, 2010
On dreary days like this I miss you even more. I loved when I was little and you would read to me on rainy days, or when I got older we could take retreat in shopping and going to lunch or dinner. Now the day is filled with "just rain", no smiles from my mother or fun to be had with her. I will forever remember and treasure those times with you though. Thanks so much for the memories you made for me, they are all so wonderful. I love you so mom.
June 03, 2010
HI Mom,
Again, another day of missing you so much. I took Greg and Benjamin to a baseball game on Sunday so that was fun to be with them, I think they enjoyed it a lot too. Tonight I am having Rob, Greg, and Benjamin over for dinner so it's another little family togetherness. Kinsey, Jerry and Breagha can't come, Breagha has dress rehearsal for her dance recital...oh how I wish you would be going to see that with me!! I know you will be watching from wherever you are, and I'm sure you will tell Dad to watch too since he was never fortunate enough to see his great granddaughter. Mom, the emptiness in my soul and heart is so heavy without you here. I hope you know, and I hope I told you enough that you were the most wonderful mother a girl could have. I am again so GRATEFUL that I got to spend so much time with you and that we were so close to one another. I love you tons and miss you even more....
May 26, 2010
Really missing you last night and today, love you so much mom. I will try not to cry, it's difficult at times, but I shouldn't cry for not having you here, I should cry for all the years you made everyone so happy.
May 25, 2010
Hi Mom,
I wanted so much to write on this book on our birthday, YOUR birthday, but for some reason I could not get it to come up on my home computer, go figure..ha I wanted to thank you for making the clouds into sunshine on Saturday for our party, I was so worried and I know you turned those clouds into the sun for me, for us. I also wanted to say that I missed you SO much on our birthday! I missed our dinner, our presents to each other, some of which weren't always material things, I missed picking out just the right present that you would enjoy, I missed us talking, I missed the whole thing of you not being there on my birthday. You always made it MY day; it always should have been your day, you gave birth to me, you made the day special!! I love you mom, thanks once again for being MY mom and making my life so good!!
May 20, 2010
Hi Mom,
Missing you so much as I look for flowers to plant and to hang, wish you here to help with it. Maybe you can direct me in the way of the good ones???? Thanks again for providing me with a great life, I could never ask for more....
May 14, 2010
I am trying to make plans for my birthday, OUR birthday; and it's so hard. I have NEVER had a birthday without you and I can't imagine what it will be like. I know you will be there with me in spirit, but Mom, it's going to be one of the toughest!! I know every "first" holiday is hard, but when you and I have spent every birthday together, okay, we missed one when I got married, but that's the only one in 46 years, I just don't know how I will do it. Our birthday lunch, our talks, our pulltabs, our shopping...I just am so not looking forward to not having you there to enjoy the day with me. I will do my best to enjoy it because I know that's what you would want but Mom, it's going to be very tough. I love you more than any words could ever say and I miss you so much...
May 10, 2010
Hi Mom,
I so missed you yesterday!! It wasn't the same without you....I love you so much.
May 04, 2010
Hi Mom,
Oh it's been a tough couple of weeks with being sick and stuff going on. I know you were with me, helping through it all like you always have done. I so missed your soothing voice though, it ALWAYS made me feel better when I was sick or feeling sad. I can still hear it, but it's not the same. Mom, I miss you so much, but know you are pain free now and that's the ONLY thing I am grateful you don't have anymore, pain. You should have NEVER been caused any pain, you only made pain go away. You made everyone who crossed your path smile with your smile, laugh with your laugh, and feel good with your words. I know God must have needed you for some reason to take you away from us, but it doesn't make missing you any easier. I love you from here to the moon and back.
April 28, 2010
Hi Mom,
I miss you so. I got a great idea from Judi, Wendy's mom, although it might be tough for me. She said for Mother's day to plant a big flower in our yard, and to have Benjamin do one too. She said to do your favorite, that would be great, but you know as well as I do how much I hate geraniums and you loved them.....haha Can I pick a different flower without offending you??? ha I know I could, you were always so easy to please, so nonjudgemental!! I will plant some tulips in the fall for sure for you. I wish we had planted some at the house like you did right before your daddy died so every time I saw them I could remember that we did that...I will plant something in your honor though on Mother's Day, not sure what, but something....maybe some radishes...haha I love you so mom and miss you even more...
April 14, 2010
Hi Mom,
Just having a horrific morning and thought I could talk to you. I always called you and told you the good things and of course the bad things. You always had a way of calming me down and making me feel that the bad things weren't so bad. So today in writing and talking to you through this I hope you can make me see once again that a bad morning isn't so bad. I love you mom!!
April 10, 2010
Anna, Rob, Brad, and Greg,
Even though I was at the celebration of life for your Mom, I still wanted to sign this guest book. I know it's a little late, but this is the first time I've been on the web. What can I say about Joan? She was awesome! She was so kind, and I loved her sense of humor, and I loved thinking about her when she opened the christmas card I would send her stuffed with confetti (when I did send them!).I'm pretty sure she was thinking "that damn Laura", but in a good way! I was lucky to have known her, but even luckier that she had a daughter who is everything that Joan was, which is why I'm so lucky to have Anna as my best friend! I feel your pain. She is at peace now. Anna remember this "If you want pie, don't go to Anna's". I know it will make you smile. I love you guys.
April 09, 2010
Hi Mom,
It's Friday, another end of a week without your smiling face or soothing voice on the phone. I miss you so, love you more, and will forever remember all the good memories and how lucky I was to EVER have you as my mother.
April 02, 2010
Easter will be here on Sunday and it's going to be very strange not being in the kitchen cooking with you, not reading the morning paper with you, not watching some silly movie with you, not seeing the kids finding all the eggs you hid. Okay, they never find them ALL, but now the kids aren't even here. I'm going to have a hard day, but knowing for so many years you made so many of them good will make me smile with so many good memories you have made for all of us. I love you mom. Happy Easter to you and Dad. Please know that you are both in all our hearts.
March 31, 2010
Hi Mom,
Just wanted to tell you that the boys, Greg and Benjamin, are having fun for Easter break and that Rob is here too. We are all going to have brunch on Sunday, it will not be the same without our mother. You were the pillar in our family, the traditions that we have were because of you; I only hope that we can carry them on as you did. I love you so much mom,and am so missing you each and every minute, hour, day and week.
March 25, 2010
Loving you every day. Please tell Dad he is also very missed and loved.
March 19, 2010
Hi Mom,
So missing you today as I am trying to make plans with Kinsey for Easter. It's going to be our first holiday without you and of course Easter was always one of your favorites when you would hide all the chocolate eggs and make us a wonderful dinner, give all the kids such great Easter baskets or presents. I remember when I was a kid and you would always buy me a beautiful dress and I always felt like a princess, thank you mom. I know the kids are going to miss YOU hiding those eggs but I will try to to as good as you did. Some years we were still finding those at Christmas time, you did it well!!!
March 15, 2010
It's Monday once again, another week without you. Missing you so much, and wanting you to just hear me say I love you.
March 10, 2010
Hi Mom,
I miss you so, and I know you know that I do, I found that out last night while I was crying, crying, missing you so very much, missing my "old life" with you. I know that's a memory now, a very good memory, but it's still so fresh, so hard to move on, but I will mom, I will. I remember you telling me in November, "don't cry and be sad when I'm gone, you are the best daughter a mother could have, you are always there for me and you are always doing too many things." Mom, I wish I could do something for you now, to clean your house, to get you a glass of water, or to just sit and watch TV with you. I know last night when the song "smile" came on you were there with me, that was one I tried so hard to get to play at your memorial. When I was so sad last night and that song suddenly came on I had to smile, I KNEW you were there once again with me to make me smile. Thanks again mom, I love you so much.
March 03, 2010
Hi Mom,
I went to Rosedale on Sunday, sorry, cried a lot on the way there, couldn't help but think how many hours we spent there shopping, talking, eating, etc. I loved those days and am so happy I had so many to share with you. I'm also so sad that I won't be sharing any more of them with you. It was pretty hard to go through the stores and not "see" you beside me. I know you were beside me, not physically, but I know you were there, especially when I went to buy those expensive, REALLY expensive shoes and I just said "NO". haha I know a lot of the times you would say, buy them, they are cute, but Sunday you were my voice of reason. Another BIG thanks to you, my mother, my best friend, and FOREVER my hero. I love you Mom.
February 24, 2010
Hi Mom,
Just thinking about you when I had such a rotten day yesterday and then I get in the car this morning and the song is playing, "momma told me there would be days like this." I just cried, knowing you were telling me it's okay and the day was over and today is a new one. I love you so much, thanks again for making my life wonderful for so many years.
February 19, 2010
Hi Mom,
Well today I am sad, thought it was all just me dreaming and thinking of you, but then I saw what day it was, funny, this happens every year. Today is the day that Dad died, sixteen years ago. Please give him a HUGE hug for me, kiss him, tell him I love him and miss him. And mom, remember how much I love you, miss you, and how very grateful I was to have you as a mother and friend!!!
February 15, 2010
Hi Mom,
Can you help Benjamin clean his room? haha I am picking him up every weekend, trying to ease his pain of being without you, actually we probably ease each others pain. But he won't clean that room, haha I told him I won't get him next week unless it's clean and he has helped his dad. I know you could always get him to do it, can you give us a little help, a little push? We bought Valentines on Saturday and he was happy to be out as was I. Love you mom.
February 12, 2010
Valentines day is here on Sunday, it's going to be really hard to think of not getting a wonderful card from you, and hard for me not to buy one and bring to you. I will still buy you one, I will put it with the letters please read it. I love you so much, please know that I'm trying really hard to be okay. Benjamin and I will do something fun tomorrow in honor of you. Love you, and miss you more than ever.
February 09, 2010
Joan, Joanne, or as our mother use to call her JOEY. Her and my brother Gordie had the best smiles I've ever seen. She was a good sister ,wife , mother, and friend. We all could not help but like her. She had a good sense of humor and was a generous person. Coming back home to Minnesota will never be the same anymore. I will miss her. I was proud of her and how strong she was. I wish I could be more like her.I will remember her often.
February 09, 2010
Another day, another tear. I miss you so, I know you know this, but writing just seems to help a little, like maybe I'm talking to you. I can't "hear" your soothing voice, but I can "hear" you say my name, to tell me things are okay, and that you love me. I will be having Benjamin spend the weekend again on Saturday, so be watching please. Love you mom.
February 02, 2010
Another day of missing you so much!! So many things I want to say each day, I hope you can hear me say them to you. I love you!!
January 15, 2010
Hi Mom,
Just thinking about you today, as usual. I talked to a friend and he said he had a PB & J sandwich, I know how you liked to eat those with Benjamin!! I just am so sad, happy you are in a better place, but sad you are not with me, thinking of all the things that will never be anymore. Never to hear your voice say "HI ANNA", "Love you sweetie", never to have lunch with you, never to watch a movie with you, never to go shopping and watch people with you, never to play pull tabs and win with you. I love you so much. Benjamin is staying with me next weekend, we are having a party, hope you will join us.
Love you mom.
January 09, 2010
It was an honor to know my Great Aunt Joan; she was always a class act. My deepest sympathies to those who were close to her.
January 08, 2010
Just wanted to say that I appreciate what you did yesterday; I'm sure it was you!! I'm glad you are giving me these "signs". I love you and miss you. I want to pick up the phone and call, I'm sure you have seen me do it. I promise I will do what I can for Benjamin. Do you see him in your house. He misses you so, he thinks your house is now his house; I'm sure to be close to you. He had a wonderful grandma, and I'm so glad you got to share those years with him. Well better go, just wanted to say thanks again, you are STILL doing things for me. Love you tons.
January 05, 2010
Anna,Greg, Rob & Brad,

Since Kindergarten, I remember your Mother like she was mine. Did she ever have a day where she didn't smile? It was her signature mark! The beautiful, smile followed by the little giggle. I will never forget the unselfish, humble position that Joan emmulated. I will always remember the chair to the left of the up-stairs, where she would sit and read, knit and of course smile.

This beautiful woman is cancer free and will grace heaven. Anna- I love you to pieces and hope you know your Mother was more than you can imagine to me.

Her passing came while we were out of town, and made it not possible to attend what I WOULD not have missed. I hope you know that I love you all and my prayers are with you.

Love Wendy Villella (Chester)

Dean, Dino, Nicollette and Talia Villella
January 04, 2010
Anna, Greg, Rob and Brad
I am so sorry to have received the news of your mother's passing. What a fighter she was!! She is one of the most courageous people I think I have ever known. Anna I will always remember her at every jewelry, home interior, pampered chef party that you had!! What a fun time we all had, and that is how I will remember her. God bless all of you and please find comfort in knowing your friends grieve with you and care deeply about you.
your friend in Christ,
January 02, 2010

Joan Carlson, was introduced to me thru her Daughter Anna.
Anna hung around with my kids while growing up.. Anna was like one of my daughters, so when I heard the news that Joan is now passing thru her journey of life, I just knew the gates for this gentle caring person that knew nothing but love for everyone around her are playing soft harps of joy. Her life remotely resolved around her kids and grand kids, great grand child, along with family and friends. She always put her self last.

Now she is smiling because she knows she left without a doubt many wonderful memory's.
This Mom deserves the best... Every tear you shed is a tear of her long lasting love that you will miss.

Joan, I take my hat off to you, for the beautiful family you left behind.
Your well loved and respected by all.

Judi Reynolds
January 02, 2010
Mom, I know you are in heaven, enjoying sunny skies and the family that has already left us all way too soon; just as we enjoy our family here. I miss you terribly, but please know you were the BEST mother, a true friend,my best friend, and my hero. I will forever hold close to me the many memories I have of our lives together. Love you mom.
January 02, 2010
Dear Anna and Family, Sorry for the loss of your mother, my thoughts and prayers are with you. Julie Modahl
January 01, 2010
My Dads baby Sister has join him in heaven.Thou its little comfort right now,Heaven recieved another Angel to watch over us now.God gave her the most beautiful wings to reward her ever loving ways.Holding tight to our memories of the wonderful person she was.We will love and miss you ALWAYS.

May you feel HER presents with you and find comfort for your broken heart.
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