I don't necessarily believe that those who have passed on communicate with us via on online forum, and for this reason I am speaking to those who know and love her in this post. I am immensely grateful that Mark and Mugz have offered an unlimited forum for Michelle, for that I owe a gratitude. Over the years I have checked up with this forum, hoping that others would share their memories and experiences with Michelle. Anybody who she touched knows what an incredibly passionate and original woman she was, who led such an incredible yet desperately short life.
The most unfortunate thing for me about her untimely death has been a creeping realization over the years that I have become so much like her. My love of literature and travel, latent pessimism, and dark sense of humor to name a few, are just some of what we share. Unfortunate in the way that I know we had so many more years to share these similarities with each other, and now these are just endless possibilities in a vacuum of my mind. Despite our earnest efforts, we often don't pick and choose the qualities that we soak up from our parents, but the qualities that I've absorbed from her I've never wrestled with.
This past weekend, I graduated college and the only thing that I was thinking about was Michelle. I vicariously felt how proud she was of me in a way that I have never experienced before. An odd sort of contentment washed over me, like when you know your at the right place at the right time. I discovered this past weekend that I want that feeling moving forward- the feeling that wherever I go and whatever I do, that somehow I know that she will approve.
How do I know that Michelle would approve? I know because Michelle wore her heart on her sleeve. I knew what she was thinking even though at times she tried so hard to cover it up. Sometimes in the courses of her relationships this type of honesty met her demise, but in hindsight at least we know where she stood.
Educated, beautiful, savvy, prudent, tragic, and honest. Yesterday, today, and tomorrow, I am proud to say that I am her son.