PATHWAY FROM HEAVEN
Karen, these last few day's my thoughts seem to easily drift away,
I function, I live, and though I laugh, at times I feel I barely exist;
Then this morning, while still deep in the night, I gazed toward heaven,
And Baby, I saw such an amazing sight.. A light, shinning out of the mist.
It brought back the night you were buried and a raging rainstorm covered Gulfport and Biloxi,
As though there was uncontrollable weeping because you went away...
So I Goggled the weather,
Praying your gravesite was dry, a sign you were ok, and behold!! A light...
In a single dry pathway, straight from heaven to Southern Memorial Park where you lay.
A gentle touch of peace, but not contentment, began to grow, and just as suddenly, it was gone..
screaming without sound tore through my brain and body, I couldn't accept what I knew to be true;
We can never again confide our deepest thoughts, and I can never again ease your hurt,
And earthly pain. I will never again hear you laugh, or call me "mama"... Oh Karen my baby, I MISS YOU...
But in God's mercy, (though sometimes my faith slightly waivers), My belief is still strong enough...
To where I turn begging to Him and in return He seems to give me a touch of salvation;
Yet, I want more! I want peace, contentment. Not when I die... but here.. now... And because I know
Wanting is just wishes, it leaves my heart, my brain, my belief, filled with trepidation...
I try to overcome any questions of my faith.. and without doubt 99 9/10 % of my faith remains strong,
While the 1/10 % of doubts leaves me in agony. Wondering why I can't just totally accept everything!
Is it because so much was written by man? Or because slowly, so slowly, little things emerge as truth,
I totally believe in God, in a Higher Power. I believe without Him life would be worth nothing.
I believe there is and was Mary, Joseph, and Jesus but I sometimes wonder ... was all perfection?
In Their every thought, word, and deed? If They were human did they not have one sin, one human fallacy?
Like we humans have? I yearn for an unanswerable truth while I'm here,on earth, meanwhile my belief's...
Still keep me strong enough to turn to God, to "Them" for blessings of peace..regardless of the intricacies.
And if They erred, as humans often do, As long as They obeyed God, that does not make Them unholy...
To me... If it were true I would probably feel They also felt and understood on an earthly level what I feel ..
Yet, I would know God blessed Them beyond compare with sanctity and gift's that only He and They can bestow...
And I do believe Jesus took you to be by his side in Heaven because he love's you so. To me that is real.
And so this Christmas I pray for you to be in peace... To know we love you more than words can say,
That we too find peace, stay faithful, and accept whatever comes our way...
Karen, just know every bit of my times of struggling to accept you are forever gone has been worth, every agony to have had you, "our" Karen, My baby, for each day, every moment since you were born....
God did bless each of us... Merry Christmas Baby, I love you... mama~