Mom is just up thinking about you...what your doing...if you miss me...when will we be together again...are you happy...how will I find you? Are you sending all of these amazing, beautiful dreams we are all having of you? I know you want me to be happy Keller...its just so hard to live and be happy knowing I cant talk to you,hold you,see you,smell you,help you with things you need help with,cook your favorite meals,watch you sleeping, watch you in your whaler on the lake so happy, pulling all of your friends around on skis,tubes, etc.,seeing your excitement when you paddle, washing your clothes, ironing your clothes, having you here at the house laughing with your friends, watching your kindness, your concern for others, your love of life!
How am I going to get through this? Dad and I go crazy sometimes when we realize your gone...forever...I don't know if I can do this much longer honey.
You are such an amazing person, gentleman and son...we cant imagine living many years longer with out you...Oh Keller...why did you leave? How did it happen? Does anyone know...please have that person talk to me...please!
I know it had to have been an accident...you loved your life and looked forward to continuing it for a long time. I know something happened that was not planned at all...were you trying to get back at someone you loved,that hurt you that much...was it that bad? I cant understand how this could happen after all of the things we talked about just hours before...why didn't you talk to me rather than try something so risky?
I feel if we understood this, if someone could explain more...maybe I could change and become a little more in control of my life. Right now I am just existing daily,making it through another day...day after day...hurting every minute for you...I love you more than life my dear beautiful son...Mommy misses you beyond belief...please help me...some kind of way...please do something to make me accept this horrific tragedy,that makes intirely no sense at all?
...good night my angel...how I wish I could kiss your ear and tickle you and make you smile that big beautiful smile...xoxoxo