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December 02, 2016

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Preview Entry
December 02, 2016

Please don't submit copyrighted work; original poems, songs or prayers welcomed. reviews all Guest Book entries to ensure appropriate content. Our staff does not correct grammar or spelling.

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 Memories & Condolences
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April 28, 2016
Hi son, 3 and a half years exactly today...........I never thought I would make it through 3 and a half days let alone 1265 days.....time away from you goes so fast but the time getting closer to you seems to creep by. Losing Randy has intensified things. His heart and soul were so very similar to yours. His birthday will be December 26th, he would've been 61. Forever 60 I guess they will say right? And you forever 32....I go through the motions here on earth son but there are times that I just don't know who or what I am anymore. I don't know who to talk with, I feel like everyone (I'm sure) is sick of hearing how much I miss you, although everyone is great when talking about you. Jimmy gets a big smile and a tear in his eye every time he remembers things you guys did and tells me about it.. I seem to cry a lot easier these days, the older you get and the longer time you have on earth, the more people you seem to lose, I hate it. I really don't understand God and his reasoning, I mean I was a good Mom, someone who lived and dreamed about being a Mom. Why did he choose you and me?? I'm sure He knew what it would do to me! I know I hear the clichés in my head about oh He needed him, or you never know maybe he was saved from something bad, or he's in a better place........BS on that one, better place would be here with me, good place yes, better? Nope..... what if your not there waiting for me when I get there, maybe the place that your in is much higher than where I would go, your a much more caring and beautiful spirit. I used to write these things to you in office/word on my laptop but windows 10 screwed it up and now I've lost my letters to you. They were a little more private. I really don't think anyone is reading these anymore either so I'll just write to you on here until I get my Office back......It's late on Thursday night and oh how I just wish you were here. I took most of your clothes, the ones in the closet and folded them all. Maybe I'll make some pillows with your shirts, for your Dad, Markie and maybe Doodie. I just don't know son, I have so many ideas rolling around in my head and I really don't know what I want to do first, or if I want to do anything. I haven't gone to any of the meetings at UM in some time, and I stopped going to Fran about a year ago, I thought I could do it on my own but maybe not....People are all different right??? some handle things the opposite way that you might. I gotta go for now son, I'm really not making much sense. I love you so very much son, I'm just living (existing) here without you until I get to be with you again. Hugs and kisses sweet boy, Your mom
April 26, 2016
Hi Nick, Well today is George's Birthday, I so wish you were here to celebrate. I got him a fit bit!! haha I think it's a perfect gift, just you know him with electronics, NOT! We just got back from dinner at Domo's, a place I just know you'd love.
I went to Oceanside this weekend. Nancee (Gary's Mom) had a burial at sea for her mother so I went down and was there for her. When it was all over and we were on the way back to shore I put some of your ashes in the ocean too, I know you love it there so now when anyone goes to Oceanside that knows you they can visit with you. It was a very emotional weekend for all conserned. My childhood friend Randy came to join you in Heaven on Friday. Please show him around, I know you will. His mom is there with you and Grandpa, Grandma, Terri.......This world is just getting stranger and harder to accept by the day. Prince died Thursday so all I can figure is God is putting together one heck of a band for heaven. Michael Jackson, David Bowie, Randy, Prince just to name a few and you can be the director for the dancers!! I love you more than words Nick, Visit me soon I miss you, Your Mom
April 15, 2016
The beginning of the end when you grieve and cannot cry and your search your soul Within to find the words to say goodbye the hardest part of losing you is how to set you free your prism within my spirit is still so much a part of me I feel I feel so much you're real and though I cannot see Twas the beginning of the end I feel was the hardest part for me I love you Renae I'm thinking about you all the time and that was a poem I wrote 4 Jordan I feel your pain and I'm sending you prayers and in those prayers I'm sending you strength it's almost been 9 years this month on the 29th will be Jordan Angel day time goes by but it seems as if its stand still for us I love you and my thoughts my prayers are with you God bless you God bless Nicki he is loved by so many love Leslie
April 12, 2016
Hi Nick, I'm starting out with tears in my eyes so I don't know how much I'll write. I miss you so much and it just doesn't get any better. I go through the motions and do what is expected of me but my hearts not in it ya know?? My heart isn't really in anything anymore. Having this last surgery without you here to help was just terrible. Don't get me wrong, Linda did a great job, she's was perfect and took great care of me. It just wasn't you......The deductable that I have I had to put on the Care Credit card that I had orginally gotten for your hearing aids and it bothers me to know end, I can not wait to pay it off. Everytime I see the bill I go into meltdown. I'm still not back to feeling 'normal' from it. I really don't know if I should have had the surgery, I mean it's great because I can see way better but I should have waited until......well never mind. I know I'm older and all that but it's not that. There is such a huge whole inside and I know nothing will ever fill it. I dream of the time that I can sit and talk with you and hug you again. Life is so cruel and living like this and feeling like I do for the rest of my existance just seems so cruel. Well I'm not making alot of sense here, you know what I mean. Love you lots sweetheart, I miss you <3 Your Mom
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