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ELISA URSINI

ELISA URSINI

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September-17-14
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September-17-14
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April-23-13
Ma,

I went home again for lunch. The kitchen has sun but not alot. I had lunch in the livingroom watching tv and of course I kept looking at your "BOD". I know Anna finds that bed comforting because she tends to take naps on it all the time. I guess she feels closer to you. I just wish we could get rid of it. I think it would help. Anyways at lunch we talked about my trip...you already knew about my trip I told you the Sunday...when u were fine, laughing and you were excited about coming home. We also talked about Anna and Joe. Funny how they are so much alike. Joe really doesnt talk much to us about you....I guess he thinks it will upset us. Anna says things about you...but not much to me either. I think they should be like me...I know THATS REALLY FUNNY. I mean they should write in this book...me writing in this book helps me. I like to keep you updated and I like remembering things about you. I have happy and sad times with you. The saddest and worse time was when you DIED. I just dont understand. Not sure if I will ever understand why you DIED. In my eyes on the Sunday YOU WERE BEYOND HAPPY. REALLY HAPPY. So this is a SHOCK...for all of us. Anyways, please come and visit your kids at night in our dreams. Help us UNDERSTAND. I feel like you and Anna ALWAYS REPEATING MYSELF. Ok mother I will talk to you tomorrow...always thinking about you and wondering WHAT YOU AND EVERYONE ARE REALLY DOING. ALSO IS THERE REALLY LIFE AFTER DEATH....I really want to BELIEVE PLEASE HELP ME.......love you lots......love to all...xxoxooxoxo
p.s. daddy....me, you, me, you, me, you....can't wait to play again AND OF COURSE I WILL WIN....LOL....you and nonno are probably cheating with eachother....xoxoxo
April-23-13
Hi Ma,

DING DONG here forgot something. I forgot to mention Frankie's name yesterday. Oh dear. Anna told me this morning. Sorry Frankie...anyways, did you ALL have a nice party? I hope so. Another beautiful day today ma. Ma, looks like my season finally started....I will be on the truck ALL WEEKEND LONG. Keeps me out of trouble and helps me save. I have alot going on this year. Jonathan's wedding and ma for Vinnys 50th birthday she wants to go on a cruise. We are going to Italy, Spain and France. You know me ma I love my SHIPS...yes, I could hear you now, "Franca aren't you scared? In the night when you look out its all black?" MA, I LOVE LOVE IT...yes, I know IM JUST LIKE DAD...Mother dear I need a little help Anna IS LOST...she has ALL THIS FREE TIME she has no idea what to do..so of course she is always cooking and Im gaining weight. Im getting very nervous. NOW IM EATING FOR YOU AND DAD.....OH DIO MIO....Ma, Anna is still rushing around. I guess its hard for her because she was so used to doing that. WE all try and tell her no NEED TO RUSH ANYMORE...its SAD...BEYOND SAD..so ma HELP HER UNDERSTAND TO TAKE IT EASY...she is ALL I HAVE....well you know what I mean. I have others but ANNA IS ANNA...I keep thinking when nonna died and then a few years later auntie gracie died...Im soooooooooooo scared that will happen. So please tell ANNA TO RELAX...TAKE IT EASY....if there is a way you can show us ANYTHING Im telling you THAT WOULD HELP. It would take away the question WHY?????????? WHY????????? Ok ma, continue to watch over US...we need strength to help us get through this...pls give extra STRENGTH TO ANNA...I LOVE YOU LOTS....XOXOXO...
April-22-13
Good Morning Ma,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DADDY....so ma are you making daddy some homemade pasta today? Its his birthday and that was his favorite. Actually daddy had so many favorites. So MISSY I was on the truck yesterday...I WAS FROZEN. Couldnt feel my feet or hands. But overall the day was ok. Today the sun is shining. I guess its shining because you are ALL UP THERE CELEBRATING DADS BIRTHDAY. Truthfully I really wished I believed in that. Maybe if you would give me a hint or something I would believe. Everyone tells me to believe but I guess I find it sooo hard because I can't believe YOU ARE BOTH GONE....So today Anna took the day off and had a mass for daddy then of course she is going to the cemetary. Oh ya, mother dear, how could I forget to tell you....on Friday Joe (YOUR WONDERFUL, HANDSOME SON) used my car and guess what ma? HE WASHED IT AND FILLED UP MY TANK....I know..I know....I could just hear you..."SEE FRANCA ITS SO NICE TO HAVE A BROTHER"...then on Sunday he came over again he had to fix the door locks...NOW EVERYTHING IS BELLE, BELLE...Your "SON" "JOEY"..how he misses YOUR phone calls to him. Ma, Joe has been really good. Always checking up on US....ALWAYS...yes, and he still calls ON THE HOUSE LINE...oh well...I will talk to you later....so YOU, AUNTIE GRACIE, NONNO AND NONNA ENJOY DADS BIRTHDAY....I LOVE YOU ALL....my tears are still flowing....ITS SOOO HARD.....xoxoxoo
April-19-13
I love you,and you must be smiling!!!!Franca notes are so meaningful and words close to the heart. Your kids are Unbelievable!Full of Love!Affection, and most of all respectable!!!!! You are one of a kind you are the Queen of Hearts ...........and so much more! Be sure you guide everyone with your love...................loving you and smiling even though your heart is breaking.
April-19-13
Good Morning Ma,

This is the FOURTH time Im trying to write in your book. They are NEVER showing up. Today is another day to stay in "BOD". Its gloomy again. Ma last night I was thinking about you and Dad alot and thinking about everything Im missing. With DAD I miss playing OUR FAVORITE CARD GAME and watching OUR FAVORITE TV SHOWS while playing cards. I miss having OUR SNACKS...our bread with olive oil and all the fruit we used to eat. I miss daddy getting upset when I would ALWAYS WIN CARDS...He always said to me I PLAY LIKE A MAN...Lol...Ma, you never liked cards but what I miss about you is ALWAYS moving or changing things in the house. Especially in your KITCHEN OR BEDROOM. I miss you asking me when I would come home at lunch to go downstairs and get YOUR PLACEMATS....either your brown, green, yellow AND YOUR FAVORITE ORANGE...you would love changing things. Especially when you received flowers you would always re-arrange them. You always did a great job. I would of NEVER THOUGHT AT THE AGE OF 48 THAT I WOULD HAVE NO PARENTS...I cant beleive me, Anna and Joe DONT HAVE PARENTS...Our lives will never be the same. There is such an EMPTINESS that NOONE CAN REPLACE when you LOSE YOUR PARENTS...We will ALWAYS FEEL THAT "VOID" and believe me its AWFUL...the only thing that keeps me going IS ALL THE WONDERFUL, FANTASTIC MEMORIES I HAVE OF THE BOTH OF YOU. I truly had WONDERFUL PARENTS. You and your dad believed in "DESTINO" but mother dear I truly believe this wasn't your "DESTINO" you were too happy about coming home, seeing your beautiful kitchen and sleeping in your "BOD"..why did God change his mind???????? I really dont know but I sure do keep asking WHY? Tomorrow ma is Saturday and the weather is awful so ONCE AGAIN MISSY I WONT BE ON THE TRUCK...but Sunday is going to be SUNNY not that warm but MISSY IM GOING ON THE TRUCK...I will miss my calls when Im on the truck from you. You would always check up on me to make sure I was ok and especially asking me "DID YOU EAT"? Ma, really does it look like Im starving????? lol....if you only knew everything I miss and everything I think about...I think deep down Im going CRAZY....These gloomy days ALWAYS MAKE ME MISERABLE...All I want to do IS CRY....see when I see the SUN...I always think of you in the kitchen and it makes me sooo happy....Oh how I wish you would come and visit....I seriously need to see you.....ok we will talk later....lets see if this one shows up.....xoxoxooxo LOVE YOU BOTH SOOO MUCH AND MISS YOU BOTH SOOO MUCH.....
April-18-13
Hey Ma,

Im really upset....this is the THIRD TIME WRITING I hope this one shows up. Anyways, I was thinking of my WHOLE FAMILY IN HEAVEN...YOU, DAD, MY BROTHER FRANKIE, NONNI and AUNT GRACIE..I miss everyone. Life without YOU AND DAD WILL NEVER BE THE SAME. The feeling deep inside my heart ACHES...the loneliness of missing you both is so awful....I love and miss you both so much.......

p.s. ma the sun is shinning today....you are all over the kitchen. I came home at lunch to talk to you....ciao for now....hopefully this one shows up....I will talk again tomorrow morning...watch over all of us.....xoxoxo
April-17-13
Thinking of you with love and affection, miss you and everyone so much..................I hope and pray you are all together looking after us all. All of you are our special ANGELS and I love you so...............................
April-16-13
Always with me from the day I wake to when I close my eyes. OH how I miss you...............the void in my heart feels horrible, thank God I have your kids to say Goodnight and I love you it is an extension of you my beautiful and loving sister. .....................Hugs love and kisses to you all.
April-15-13
Hey Ma,

Today I went home for lunch. I go home everyday and its the samething. I walk in and look at your chair expecting to see you sitting there and saying, "HI FRANCA"....then I go into the livingroom and look at your bed....once again expecting to see you napping or watching tv and once again saying, HI FRANCA....I JUST LAID DOWN RIGHT NOW"...and I would answer you saying..."Ya, sure ma....u should be walking...moving your legs"...then I hear you say, "Franca, if it was that easy? You dont know the pain Im in...I have these conversations every lunch time. Ma, Im like you...I always talk to myself.lol. I always have conversations...I ask you a question then the best part I answer....JUST THE WAY YOU WOULD ANSWER ME...maybe Im going crazy in my old age....lol...Oh dear ma...did you see yesterday I went to the "ZOO". Did you see even at the "ZOO" I was talking about you. Actually we were all talking about you. I talk to my friends alot about you...its easier....I can cry and yell with them. I cant do it will Anna or aunt Lib because I have to LOOK TOUGH and be STRONG FOR THE TWO OF THEM....ma, I THANK AUNT LIB soooo much for keeping this book alive for ONE FULL YEAR...this is where I escape...talking to you helps me....aunt Lib thanks sooo much.....xoxoxo....I almost forgot to tell you...your kitchen looked sooo nice this afternoon full of sun. Ma, you should see your plants...AMAZING....Ok mother I just had to write again....Im thinking of you always and missing you beyond words can say....Ma, TI AMO SEMPRE.......xoxoxoxoxoxo pls come and visit...pls....
April-15-13
Good Morning Ma,

Ma, I have no idea whats going on but I wrote you another note Friday morning and of course it NEVER SHOWED UP. Not sure why? Anyways, another weekend has come and gone. Saturday ma was another awful day, rainy and gloomy. I could just of heard you...you would of said, "today Im staying in my BOD"...(BED) To tell you the truth ma, Saturday was one of those days. So mother dear another weekend not on the truck...you MISSY must be VERY HAPPY...Oh ya ma I almost forgot to tell you....Saturday night I went out for dinner with Vinny, Lina,and Tibor. Ma, once I got my order can you believe on my plate they put the HEAD OF A WHITE DAISY....the presentation was beautiful but when I saw that THE TEARS CAME DOWN. They were happy tears because to me that meant u were there enjoying the meal with me. I was sooo happy to see that daisy. I actually took it with me and its on my dashboard in my car. Its still VERY HARD dealing with your death. Its awful ma. Yesterday Joe came over and he put those special locks on the doors. I feel better now when Im home alone. Ma, Anna last week really didnt have a good week...while we would be eating she would just burst into tears thinking of you....of course ma I try and be the tough one and say eveything is going to be ok....But deep down ma if you really only UNDERSTOOD what your DEATH has done to EVERYONE....Anna who's life revolved around you....NOW....she has ALL THIS EXTRA TIME and SHE IS LOST....everyone tries to help her but you know Anna...then there is Joe...he is funny...very hard to understand him. Doesnt talk much at all but YOU JUST KNOW HE IS MISSING YOU BEYOND WORDS. Although Joe used to tell you to stop saying he was good looking....or you loved his hair...or he was soooo handsome HE MISSES YOUR PHONECALLS...AND HE MISSES YOU SOOO MUCH. Like me, your were the only one that really understood me and joe. Ok ma today is a nicer day...the sun is shining. I love you and miss you sooo much.....xoxoxoxoo

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