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Jeannine (Campagne) Nikula

Jeannine (Campagne) Nikula

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September-24-17
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September-24-17
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September-09-17
Hi Gorgeous

Tonight I had another breakdown
Almost 5 years later and I can't get you off my mind.
So tired of existing but not living
But getting things I need done
Helping the ones I love most first
Getting my ducks in a row as you'd say.
Hopefully it will get easier soon.
Few more people I need to help
Then I can finally be free.

Love you. Miss you. Adore you

Love you forever
Your Bubaloo xoxo143
July-31-17
Hi my love

Having hard day

All I can think about is how disappointed my grandfather would be in me. How I let you down and myself down. I'm so sorry.

Brad
July-03-17
Beautiful Amazing Jeannine

I was at a celebration of life a couple days ago of a friend and coworker and his name was Brad as well. Two years younger than me. And I sat in the back and listened to everyone talk about how awesome of a guy Brad was, to me at times it felt like I was at my own celebration of life. Like I was invisible and just listened deeply to everything that was said. Hit me hard.

I have come to this decision. That right now I am only existing going thru life day by day without emotions or feelings
I am not living. I am merely here on earth in existence
I have not lived for years now
Each day stays the same nothing changes nothing happens except work and stress
As soon as I get a little up life knocks me down even further than I was. And life has done this thru out my whole life. But I only now see what the truth is. If I'm here today but gone tomorrow who would of cared. Why would it of mattered that I was brought into this life to struggle thru most of it without making a difference in anyone's life. Once your gone your problems are over. No more heartbreak or stress or worries, just eternal happiness with God and others who are now living in heavenly bliss.
So I ask. What is the point ? Why be here going thru the stages of life if my soul is not living.

So my beautiful Jeannine

I am asking you for your guidance to show me what I need to do to start enjoying life
Embracing life. Living for the moment
Being able to forget my past. And forgive myself for everything I have done wrong and forgive myself for the people I hurt. Including you my love.

You have always gave your everything and have helped me thru these last 5 painful years of heartbreak.

Please show me what's next in my future
Please show me life will improve
Please show me I can be happy and alive again and find true happiness.

Thank you for all the previous miracles you have given me. And I know I'm being selfish but I need a few more big miracle in my life right now.

Love you forever
Brad
June-13-17
My sweet angel

Thank you for giving me the miracle I had asked for.
Your always there when I need you most.
I'll try my best to do what I promised you.

Love you forever and ever
Brad xoxoxo143
May-14-17
Happy Mother's Day Sweetheart

Everyone knows how amazing you are and that you are the one of the worlds best mom's and we were all so lucky to have you in our lives making them fuller and happier and filled with lots of love.

Wishing you my love and your mom and Heather a wonder Mother's Day and hope your all having a great time and know that all 3 of you were the best moms we could ever ask for.

Love you lots xoxo
Brad
April-14-17
Hi sweety

Even today when I talked about you I got so excited and energized. Almost 5 years later.
You were my breath of fresh air
I lived life and excelled when we were together

So why when I go to bed do I wish I don't wake up
Why I do I only exist each day
What do I have to do to feel alive again like when we were together.
Why do I always feel so sad and alone

I try to stay up and positive but something always knocks me back down.
I could have so much if I could just stop torturing my self. I need to forgive myself but I can't for some reason. I keep it all and deep inside myself.
Getting so tired of holding the world of guilt on my shoulders. I can't remember the last time my mind wasn't constantly thinking and I enjoyed that time at that moment. It's so draining not being able to stop thinking constantly. It's exhausting.
All day. Everyday. I'm exhausted. From when I wake up till I go to bed.

The last time I felt alive and my brain wasn't thinking constantly was when me and dad had that vacation together and that was many years ago.

Please help me before I go insane or collapse from exhaustion. I'm always waiting for you to help me thru my hard times. Which you have and I thank you.

Praying for great night sleep when my mind can rest and stop thinking. Even for 5 min would be a miracle. If I could wake up and have even a little energy would be the greatest gift. Everyday I feel like I'm a 100 years old. Just wishing to feel alive again

Love you forever
Brad xoxo
February-14-17
Happy Valentines Day Sweetheart

Just wanted to wish you a great valentines day and say I miss and love you so much.

There isn't a day I don't think about you and miss you

All my love forever
Your bubaloo xoxo
January-17-17
Happy Birthday Sweetheart

I sure miss you a lot. So hard to be here without you.
Really hard on days like today your birthday or worst day of my life. When I need to look and find pictures of you to put in paper. I just remember all the great times we had and those times are gone. And how I had my dream girl and now your gone. Can't wait to be with you again. Soon hopefully. Only God knows.

Miss you so much
Happy Birthday my love
Love you forever
Brad. Your Bubaloo
Xxoo 143
December-25-16
Merry Christmas my love

Four years now and I miss you more than ever sweetheart.
Holidays are still so hard for me because your not here with me. I hope you are having a awesome day up in heaven with your mom and family and heather. Wishing all of you a eternity of happiness.

Love you forever and ever
Your Bubaloo
Love Brad xoxoxo
August-29-16
My beautiful angel Jeannine

I bring you flowers, it puts a smile upon my face.
Because someone as amazing as you I could never replace.
You gave me a life I could never imagine it could be so incredible.
Because I thought our love was so strong and was invincible.

So each time I come here to talk to you and give you flowers.
I tell you how much I miss you and cry for hours.
Because you have a place so deep in my heart reserved for only you.
Because with you I was on top of the world my dreams come true.

Brad and Jeannine together forever is what we always said.
And one day we will be together again when my time is read.
When I am called away and my time on earth here is done.
Then I can be with the love of my life again and finally have some fun.

To hold you again in my arms is the thing I want more than life.
And we can be married in heaven and for eternity you can be my wife.
To say our vows in front of God your mom and Heather.
I honestly and truly can not think of anything better.

So I will wait here until God calls out for me to leave.
And when I go, everyone will know we are together and will not grieve.
Can't wait to be with you and hear you say. I've been waiting for you Bubaloo
With my angel Jeannine for eternity what a dream and wish come true.

I love and miss you sweetheart.
Love Bubaloo xoxoxo 143

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