During the holiday season, it is especially hard having lost Josh. I have been going through a lot of pictures and letters lately that he had written me through our marriage, as well as the ones that I had written him. He saved every letter I ever wrote to him, as I did his. I still have the phone answering machine that we had in Italy and I play his messages once in a while, just so I don't forget his voice. I miss him like I would miss my heart if it was taken from me. In the past year, I have tryed to make the best life for Dylan and myself, although failing miserably at most endevor I try, I just have to keep putzing along and try to live like he would have wanted us to live.. But that in itself is hard. My house is a wreck most of the time. I don't know if it is because I feel like he would get really angry and maybe come back to let me know about it, or if I am just rebelling against his incessant cleaning. I don't know. I just know that I wish he was here. I need my husband and Dylan needs his father.. He is now 14 and is in that "rebellious" stage, where everything he does is right and he dares anyone to say anything about it.. It isn't an easy road by any means. I always told Josh that I didn't get married to be alone. (one of our many arguements) But now, I guess it is my fate. Maybe I shouldn't have complained about it that much. He was living his life the way he thought was best. My job was to wait. And I am still waiting.
Thank you for all of your comments and remembrances of Josh. It is heartwarming to know so many care.
Merry Christmas to you all and God Bless.
Widow of 1LT Josh Hyland