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Dr. Salvatore J. Culosi

Dr. Salvatore J. Culosi

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May 27, 2018
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May 24, 2018
Dear Son...Today marks Remembrance Month...Number 148...as I keep counting the days...that brought us to this point...and as I've said before...I will continue to count. It's not that I do it deliberately... it's just that I miss you...and I think about you...each and every day...and I am very aware...of how these days keep adding up. Some might think it's an obsession...but I believe only another parent...who has walked this path...can understand and relate to...how it just happens...as we try to live...our new normal lives.

Actually to be fair...as I think about it...loss and grief...affects people on different levels...so for those who have also loved very deeply...someone one who has passed...they likely also know...too well...what it means...to feel their absence...each day...and are perhaps...counting days too.

On a different yet bittersweet note... your Godchild's bridal shower...was celebrated this past Sunday. Your sister went above and beyond...in making it a very special day for her. So much mother love went into every detail...and I know she has exhausted herself...in the process. She baked cookies...and monogrammed them...with Stef's "soon to be" initials. She also decorated the cake to perfection... with the aid of your Exacto knife...as she cut out of fondant..a white bridal gown...which she then placed...on the cake's lavender buttercream surface... along with fondant butterflies...and flowers...which, to say the least... also made for a tedious process...and then she made the time...to wrap the many presents that came to the house. Needless to say...but I will anyway... they were all beautifully wrapped... and it was all done...in an effort to make it a momentous day...for her daughter...and IT WAS!

Stef's two sisters...were more than helpful too...as each rose to the occasion of greeting guests...emceeing and organizing shower games...and assembly-lining all the gifts...of which there were many...and all had to be opened and acknowledged. Her two siblings...have really earned their roles...as Maids of Honor." Her bridesmaids...were also very helpful and attentive...to all the necessary trappings...of the traditional goings on...that showers entail. The gift bows bridal bouquet..turned out quite lovely...and we have the pictures and videos...that captured...most all of the moments...of a wonderful day.

In addition...family from both sides.. came from out of town to join us...for which we were very grateful...and along with good friends...of Stef's and your sister...they were able to spend time...at an afternoon shower brunch...eating, drinking, talking, and laughing...and truly having a good time...and it was all in Stef's honor.

Of course...there was the clean up crew...who showed up at the end...and consisted of your Brother-in-law... Dad...your Uncle/Godfather...and the future Groom...who were told they'd better...get all the gifts to the cars in one piece"...and fortunately they did.

Now begins the lead up to the wedding, and all that I wish...you could have been here for...if not for them.

I will be at noon mass today...and afterwards I will visit the St. Joseph statue...and then I will go to your resting place.

Keep watching over our family...and as I carry you close in my heart...I hope you are able to know...what is going on...with all of us.

God bless you son...as you rest peacefully...in His perpetual light... and promise of eternal life...knowing that you are loved...very missed...and are in my prayers...always.
April 27, 2018
Dear Son...Yesterday was your "idol's" birthday...and she was gracious enough to share it with me...since she wasn't going to be available on mine...which is today...and a milestone one at that.

I got in the car with Dad and Chris... and we took a very winding...and hilly road...that led to a restaurant in Clifton...where we were to meet them. It was a scenic...but heart in my throat...ride. I told Dad we would be going home...a different way because that road was treacherous enough in daylight...and I refused to brave it at night.

When we got to the restaurant...the first one I saw seated...was Chris' girlfriend...and then everyone yelled surprise...as it turned out to be a birthday party for me...and I was very surprised...to see Cyn and her family there too. I had no idea...and then felt badly...that Con not only gave up her day...but she also made all the plans...for the Mom only celebration. She even decorated her house...where we all went afterwards...to have a huge...and very delicious cake.

Since we are three April ladies...I along with Con and Cyn...blew out candles and made our wishes...over tiramisu. You know...I was wishing... that you could have been there too.

You are always in my heart...but if you could have been present with all of us...as you should have been...if not for them...that would have made it all the more perfect.

Your nieces and nephews...are all grown now...and I am so very proud of them...and you would have been too.

Please keep watching over our family.

God Bless you Sal...I love and miss you...more than I can say.

You are in my prayers...always.
April 24, 2018
Dear Sal...Another 24th...falling on our Tuesday...as Remembrance Month Number 147 is marked.

I went to the florist yesterday...and this morning after attending the 8:30 mass...I decided to stop at the St. Joseph statue...before my visit to your resting place. I usually visit you first...and then on the way home.. I pass by the statue...but something made me change my routine...and I don't think what happened next...was a coincidence.

I parked my car at the curb...and I hesitated in getting out...because there was a woman at the statue...and I didn't want to disturb her. I waited a bit...and when I saw that she was beginning to leave...I got out of the car...and as I did...she came over to me. She said she wanted me to know... that she had just been praying...to St. Joseph...and for you too...as she was asking you...if you could...to intercede in her son's behalf...since he was a classmate of yours...at St. Mike's and DJO...and now he was going through a very rough time.

We wound up having a very lengthy conversation...she about him...and you. He is a very bright and educated young man...well-travelled...and was quite successful in his career. She said his name is HS...and to be quite honest...I don't remember ever hearing it before...but I will never forget it now.

She said at the time of our tragedy... her younger son...who is a criminal lawyer...had discussed with his brother; your classmate...how what happened to you...should have never happened...was blatantly wrong...and poorly handled by the FCPD. She then hugged me...and told me how sorry she was for our loss.

She said she prays for you...and when she saw my car pull up...she felt it was by design...and she wanted me to know...that she had just been praying for you...and asking you too...to watch over her son. I thanked her... and after telling her some of my own views...about what they caused to happen to you...and our family...I said I would also keep her son...in my prayers as well...and I will.

All moms want their children to be healthy...happy...and enjoying their lives...but if and when...anything goes wrong...we feel responsible...and question...whether we did enough...to protect them...and keep them out of harm's way...or if we missed something..that we should have seen... and that unresolved question..."tugs at your heart"...and causes the suffering...so many of us moms know.

I didn't know...this day was going to turn out as it has...but I guess it was meant for me...to meet another heartbroken mom.

God bless you Sal...as you continue to watch over your sisters...their families...your brother...and Dad. Our extended family...friends...and now HS...can also use some...watching over.

I love you son...I miss you...and I think of you...throughout my day.

You are in my prayers...always.
April 01, 2018
Dear Salvatore...I pray you will have a Blessed Easter Day...along with my parents...brother...and other extended family members...and friends...who also have been called back home to God. As each of you rest peacefully in His perpetual light...know that you all are loved...are thought about..and are very missed.

It's Easter season...and yet...the tragedies continue...to fly in the face...of what should not be taking place...both worldwide...and even closer to home...as it appears that the training of leo's...is still lacking...as young lives continue to be unnecessarily taken...at the hands of those...who are sworn to protect and serve.

Once again...another family has been destroyed...and whether or not...the victim was actually the one...that the police were seeking...in the breaking of a car window...these two Sacramento officers used excessive force...and took the life...of a young unarmed man... who was commanded by them to show his hands...and when he did... although he was holding nothing more than a cell phone...he was shot multiple times by them...and killed. The story...these officers are telling ...doesn't appear to be supported by.. what was actually captured on an overhead copter's camera. "All lives matter"...but it seems that there are still those badge wearers...who neglect to remember that.

It's been many years...but it still sickens me every time...I read about or see the coverage of such tragedies ...in the paper or on TV. The upset and protests always follow...and I think...if they were just done in a more productive way...then maybe they'd be more effective. Perhaps I'm naïve...because we didn't take to the streets...or create a scene in our case...and maybe that's why not much was done...re consequences for officer misdeeds...let alone justice...and even though...the officer who caused our hearts to break...also gave an unbelievable account of what took place...none of the other officers present at that time...were wearing body cams...so we didn't have the benefit of a video. Maybe with the plus of a video...these other families have the right idea. Squeak and squeak...and do it loudly...but hopefully in a non-riotous way...and just maybe...the justice being sought by them...can be won. I will remember this young man and his family...in my Easter prayers...and they have my deepest sympathy.

Thursday night...Dad did a showcase at P's...and invited Stef and Alec. They were gracious enough to show up...and they said they had a good time...even though everyone there...had 40 to 50 years on them. I know it made his day...or should I say night...and he was happy to have them indulge him.

Last night we went to Holy Saturday mass...as your Godchild's fiancé...was receiving the Sacraments of Initiation. The service started at eight and ended at midnight...but the mass did count for today...so that was good. Her wedding plans are moving along...but it continues to pain me... that you are not here with us...to be a part of all that is going on...in the lives of your nieces and nephews. I can only imagine...what would have been...and could have been...in your future too...if only...

I love you son...and ask that you keep close watch over your siblings...your nieces and nephews...and Dad. There's also extended family...and a couple of your friends...that could use some watching over too.

Cyn will be at home today with her family...so we will be going to Con's. Of course the family gatherings...are not the same...but we try to get through them as best we can...as I carry you close...always in my heart.. and in my thoughts. God bless you.

I miss you Sal...each and every day... and you are in my prayers...always.
March 24, 2018
Dear Salvatore...Although I didn't have it said in your name...I went to the noon mass today...and offered up my intentions...in your behalf...for the repose of your soul...on one more ...24th of the month...which is now marking this...146th Remembrance Month.

I walked into church a bit early...and was surprised to see it pretty full. There was a service going on...as I counted 14 banners...lining some of the pews. A lady came over to me... and gave me a red covered booklet... that read...The Legion of Mary... Arlington Regia...Spouse of the Holy Spirit...56th Annual Acies.

The last time I remember anything about a Sodality for Mary...was way back when I was in the 8th grade...and both S and I decided to join...but it was short lived. The president of this Children of Mary group...was another student...who was beginning the meeting...and because S and I were talking softly...prior to its start... she told us to "get up and leave"... and recognizing that she was a "pill" ...we did just that...and never went back. I can only hope Mary understood our decision back then...and that it wouldn't be held against us...so maybe the lady giving me the booklet...was an all is forgiven sign of sorts. It's funny...what will spark a memory from the past.

Yesterday another unarmed young man... was shot and killed by a leo...who thought he was holding a weapon...but it was only a cell phone. Each time I hear or read something like this...I relate all too well...and the sympathy I feel...for his family's loss...is really defined now...as empathy. I will remember him...and his family... in my prayers.

Well Spring has arrived...with snow and terribly cold weather...par for the course...for this in like a lion.. and out like a lamb...I hope...month of March.

God bless you son...as you watch over your sisters...their families...your brother...and Dad.

I love you son...I miss you...I think of you throughout my day...and you are in my prayers...always.
March 20, 2018
Blessed be the light that guides us, and the spark within Dr. Culosi that friends, family and patients knew and loved.

Ecclesiastes 7:1
March 19, 2018
Dear Son...Today is the Feast Day of St. Joseph...whose name you took at Confirmation...so I am wishing you...a Very Blessed..."Middle Name" Day...as well.

God bless you...my Salvatore Joseph... for being a loving son...brother... uncle...and Godfather...and know that I hold you in my heart...as I miss you ...so very much...each and every day.

Please keep watch over your sisters... their families...your brother...and Dad.

I love you Sal...and you are in my thoughts...and in my prayers...always.
February 24, 2018
Dear Salvatore...This Twelve Years and One Month Remembrance Day...is marked in this 630th week...of missing you... as I do...each and every day.

I had to visit you yesterday...because I will be going with your sister and her family today...to a food tasting.. in Charlottesville...where your niece (Godchild)...will be getting married this summer.

She was only eleven...when you were stolen from us...and I was reminded recently...that it took quite some time...for her parents...to reassure her...night after night...after what happened to you...that the police wouldn't be coming to their house...to do to her...what they did to her uncle.

Those who caused our grief...by putting into motion...what happened to you...at their hands...are also responsible for destroying...the peace and trust...that your young niece had known...up until that time...and it was shattered...by...and because of those...sworn to protect and serve... and who did neither in our case...but instead...in my opinion...entrapped and executed. Reprehensible and unforgivable!

There was another terrible tragedy... last week in FL...when several high school personnel...and fourteen students...were shot and killed...and others wounded...by an expelled former student...who appears to have mental problems. The saddest part is...this shooting could have been thwarted... because the local police...and even the FBI...had been told about this young man...and his threats to be a school shooter. They even went to his home a number of times...but no in depth follow ups were done...and the warnings went unheeded...and the results were...the loss of these 17 lives. Both sad...and sickening.

It was also learned...that an armed school resource officer...was outside of the school for several minutes... while the shooter was inside...killing people...and the officer...did not enter the school...to help. Shameful!

It's another..."protect and serve"... non sequitur...with major fails once again...(like the ones...we learned about...in our depositions of FCPD officers)...and it's at the expense of the families...who lost their loved ones...and are now among the heartbroken...and forever changed. My heart goes out to them...as I pray for their children...and their families.

We are living in a changed...and different time...from the one in which you were raised...and it's not for the better.

God bless you Sal...as you keep close watch over our family.

I love you son...and you are in my thoughts...each day...and in prayers always.
January 26, 2018
Thinking of you and your family. Know that you have not been forgotten by those that love you. Keep a special watch over your Mom. I know as a parent who has lost a child the stress that is brought on us. People say we have to go on with our lives. We have, we wake every morning and continue with our lives. They have no idea what it is like to lose a child and I would not wish it on my worse enemy. Protect your family
January 24, 2018
Dear Son...To mark this Twelfth Year Remembrance Day...I attended this morning's 8:30 mass...which I had previously scheduled...to be offered in your memory...and again...par for the course...the pastor's policy of refraining...from announcing the name of the person...that the mass is being said for...is still the rule...and..."I still view this Rule...as sad... alienating...and offensive."

On the way back from visiting your resting place...I heard a news report...that broadcast as follows: Fairfax Police Chief releases the video of the fatal killing of Bijan Ghaisar, even as the FBI remains silent on its investigation into the shooting by Park Police officers.

Of course...I wanted to know what it was about...so when I got home...I went to my computer...and I found a post by TJ... dated today...recounting what took place...and very sad to say...it is another tragedy...that could have been avoided.

My heart goes out to this young man's family...and I can only hope...that the FBI doesn't give them...the same type of response they gave to us...in citing a bar that is too high...to prove intent. I will never understand...how pointing a loaded weapon...at someone...does not show...one's intent to use it. I side with the rules of gun safety...which counters the FBI's reasoning...but at least this time...there is a video.

God rest this young man's soul...and as his loved ones...are now a forever changed family...who will be living their new normal...may God give them...the graces needed...to cope with their loss.

It's a dozen years later Sal...and I can still picture...the faces of the two men...who banged on our door...the night of Jan. 24, 2006...and hear the words spoken by them...to me...because it is all indelibly ingrained in my mind. There are many other images and dialogues...I also recall...that took place in the five years following that night...as we sought the justice owed to you...and it is all very vivid...and likely will remain that way.

I don't dwell on these memories...they just surface...as prompts from daily life activities...cause them to. The emotions are many...and on the special days...or any day...for that matter... one never knows...how it will go...so that is why...it is always...one day at a time.

I dare say...all parents who have lost children...no matter the age...or circumstance...all share in and understand...what it means to be truly broken-hearted...as a result of our common bond...which is the grief we know...at having to bury a child. We all are forever changed...as we live with a parent's worst nightmare.

Once again...Mrs.C sent me an email..in remembrance of this day...along with her prayers for you...which are very much appreciated.

I neglected to mention...that another dear friend...who always remembers your birthday...had sent me a lovely note...last month...and on the outside of the card...there was a quote...that was attributed to..St. John Chrysostom ...Bishop of Constantinople...who was called "golden mouth"...because of his eloquent speaking.

It read:
They whom we love and lose...are no longer where they were before. They are now wherever we are.

I find St. John's words insightful... and I choose to believe them...as I carry you close in my heart.

God bless you...as you keep watch over your siblings...and your nieces...and nephews.

You are very loved...by each of us...and missed beyond words.

You are in my thoughts...and in my prayers...always.

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