Pamela A. Hogg

Wife, Mother, Grandmother, Substance Abuse Counselor, and Runner

I Saw Her Standing There:
A tall great looking athletic blonde with a superb figure, who made the mistake of walking near our table, where several Army Second Lieutenants were singing in full voice with the sing-along band. The place was called the Student Prince, a sing-a-long night club, if you stretched it, that was located in Asbury Park, NJ, which was a happening place at the Jersey shore in June of 1967 - a time when Viet Nam was quickly heating up. The girl and her two buddies sat down nearby. They quickly drew the attention of the males in the area. I was impressed that this girl knew all the words to the songs, which made two of us. I screwed up my courage and babbled something to her which made her laugh. Turned out her name was Pam and she was headed to Michigan to start her first job after graduating from Mount Union College in Ohio as an elementary school teacher. She was 21 years old. I had just graduated from Officer Candidate School as an Army Second Lieutenant and had just turned 24. She laughed at my inane comments and she was hot - what a combination. We dated all that summer - singing, partying, and hanging out. She was a hotshot waitress at a fancy restaurant, the Marine Grill. I was going to an Army school at Ft. Monmouth, NJ. It was a great summer to be young and have a last fling before starting "real" jobs and we enjoyed ourselves immensely. So much so in fact that Pam never made it to Michigan and we were married September the 1st 1967.
It Was A Great 40 Years
You learn a lot about someone in 40 years of marriage and Pam never ceased to surprise me. It was not unusual to walk in the door at night and Pam would announce, "This is so and so and she has a problem and she will be staying at our house for a month." I would say "Sounds good to me" and walk off shaking my head. If Pam came across a "stray" or someone who needed "adopting" for awhile there was a good probability they would be staying with us because that was Pam. She was an innately kind, caring person who had a strong desire to help others and did so at the drop of a hat if a friend was hurting she would tell me about it and be sad for her friend and do her best to do something to ease their burden or make it better.
Pam's idea of a good time was to go to a Fourth of July celebration in a smalltown where the parade consisted of a troop of brownie scouts walking behind a cart being pulled by a goat in which sat the seven year old school spelling champion with her front teeth missing. Naturally, this was followed by the fire truck and hopefully a Marine Band playing a John Sousa march -- the "hokier", the better for Pam. She would smile and clap and tear up. It was fun to see someone enjoy the really wholesome simple things in life. I remember in 1974, while we were stationed at Ft. Bragg, we went to the "Hollerin" contest at Spivey's Corner, when it was just getting started. You would have thought Pam was at a World Series game. She laughed and thought that was the biggest "hoot' she had been to in a long time.
She loved the military, was extremely patriotic, and came by it honestly. Her dad, Charles McCloskey, was a Marine in WWII and her mom, Alice, was a Navy nurse. She was very proud of them. She was an Army wife for 20 years and raised our two girls, Cindy and Meredith, almost single handedly. We were stationed in Germany twice for a total of five years. I was only home about half the time and Pam did virtually all the parenting. This was a good thing because Pam's strong core values and moral code were pure goodness and strength of character, and were passed onto our girls, who she was extremely proud of and loved with all her heart. We bounced around in the Army at two to three year intervals all over the U.S. from 1967 to 1987. Pam could pack you up and unpack you and keep the house organized and me and kids in line all at once - it wasn't easy and she was a master at it. Pam's favorite place to live was Louisville, KY, where we lived from September 1980 to June 1983. That's when running was at its peak and Louisville was a hotbed. Pam ran ten K races almost every week during the spring and summer months and in the first week of May we would have the Kentucky Derby Mini Marathon, a 13.1 mile race with thousands of runners. Pam was so proud of herself when she crossed the finish line at the Mini Marathon- She would have that big pretty smile on her face with her arms waving in the air. She hated to leave Louisville, her girl friends, running, tennis and bridge (she was quick to point out that she had "Master's Points" and I did not), and especially our friends Tom and Thelma Seals.
We retired from the Army in September 1986 and moved to Raleigh. In addition to waitressing, she had spent time extensively learning about addictions and addictive behavior. So, in Raleigh she decided to become a substance abuse counselor. She applied herself with remarkable diligence and became one of the first certified substance abuse counselors in the state of North Carolina. She worked in the Alcoholic Treatment Center, which provided some interesting stories, as well as the Dept. of Social Services. She also worked at the D.W.I. school and if you wanted to get your drivers license back, not only did you have to pass her course, she had to give you the "okay", which, if you knew Pam, was definitely not an automatic.
When her twin nephews, Michael and Matthew McCloskey, were born she was ecstatic. She was a grandmother to them more than an aunt and played a large role in their early upbringing. She lovingly took care of them on a weekly basis and spent hours helping them to learn how to read and playing with them. They have turned out to be wonderful teenagers.
Then we moved into the North Ridge area of Raleigh where she decided it was time to travel and take up golf. She was a friendly competitor and got a kick out of breaking 100 and periodically winning a golf tournament with her buddies. She found it quite enjoyable that she was in the "money" way more than her erstwhile golfing husband.
Mostly she loved our friends - she often said, " we sure have a nice group of friends", her book club, eating out with Ruth and Joe Donnelly, traveling with our life long friends, Paul and Barbara Bremer, me making her laugh, and most of all her daughters and grandkids. Her enjoyment at holding them, baby sitting, interacting with them, and watching me be silly with them was something to behold and she would do anything for them. She loved them with all her heart and would worry and cry for them if anything seemed amiss.
She also loved me dearly although I cannot say I deserved to have the love of a woman of her stature. During my life I often asked God to tell me what I was supposed to do with my life and to be a better person. I never seemed to get an answer. Now I believe I was supposed to take care of Pam during her last days. These days taught me more about love and caring than I ever knew. It is by far the most worthwhile thing I have ever done and I would be overjoyed to do it again and again if I could have her back.
A week before she died, we were lying beside each other in our bed and I said "We have had a great life together". Pam turned to me with difficulty, looked me sweetly in the eyes and said "We CERTAINLY have." Thank you for my wonderful life Pam. I will love you forever.... Spike.
Pam is survived by her husband, Alex (Spike) Hogg of Raleigh; her wonderful daughters, Cindy L. Wolthuis and her husband, Brad of Lexington, SC, Meredith H. Edwards and her husband, Banks of Darien, CT; her adored grandchildren, Bethany Alice Wolthuis, E