Betty Friedan

Betty Friedan

Betty Friedan Obituary

Published by Legacy Remembers on Feb. 4, 2006.
WASHINGTON (AP) -- Betty Friedan, whose manifesto "The Feminine Mystique" became a best seller in the 1960s and laid the groundwork for the modern feminist movement, died Saturday, her birthday. She was 85.

Friedan died at her home of congestive heart failure, according to a cousin, Emily Bazelon.

Friedan's assertion in her 1963 best seller that having a husband and babies was not everything and that women should aspire to separate identities as individuals, was highly unusual, if not revolutionary, just after the baby and suburban booms of the Eisenhower era.

The feminine mystique, she said, was a phony bill of goods society sold to women that left them unfulfilled, suffering from "the problem that has no name" and seeking a solution in tranquilizers and psychoanalysis.

"A woman has got to be able to say, and not feel guilty, `Who am I, and what do I want out of life?' She mustn't feel selfish and neurotic if she wants goals of her own, outside of husband and children," Friedan said.

"That book changed women's lives," Kim Gandy, president of the National Organization for Women, which Friedan co-founded, said Saturday. "It opened women's minds to the idea that there actually might be something more. And for the women who secretly harbored such unpopular thoughts, it told them that there were other women out there like them who thought there might be something more to life."

In the racial, political and sexual conflicts of the 1960s and '70s, Friedan's was one of the most commanding voices and recognizable presences in the women's movement.

As the first president of NOW in 1966, she staked out positions that seemed extreme at the time on such issues as abortion, sex-neutral help-wanted ads, equal pay, promotion opportunities and maternity leave.

But at the same time, Friedan insisted that the women's movement had to remain in the American mainstream, that men had to be accepted as allies and that the family should not be rejected.
"Don't get into the bra-burning, anti-man, politics-of-orgasm school," Friedan told a college audience in 1970.

To more radical and lesbian feminists, Friedan was "hopelessly bourgeois," Susan Brownmiller wrote at the time.

Friedan, deeply opposed to "equating feminism with lesbianism," conceded later that she had been "very square" and uncomfortable about homosexuality.

"I wrote a whole book objecting to the definition of women only in sexual relation to men. I would not exchange that for a definition of women only in sexual relation to women," she said.

Nonetheless she was a seconder for a resolution on protecting lesbian rights at the National Women's Conference in Houston in 1977.

"For a great many women, choosing motherhood makes motherhood itself a liberating choice," she told an interviewer two decades later. But she added that this should not be a reason for conflict with "other feminists who are maybe more austere, or choose to seek their partners among other women."

By then in her 70s, Friedan had moved on to the issue of how society views and treats its elderly.

She said that while researching her last book, "The Fountain of Age," published in 1993, she found those who dealt with old people "talk about the aged with the same patronizing, `compassionate' denial of their personhood that was heard when the experts talked about women 20 years ago."

She had not stopped being a feminist, she said, "but women as a special separate interest group are not my concern any more."

Friedan, born Feb. 4, 1921, in Peoria, Ill., was a high achieving Jewish outsider growing up in middle America. Her father, Harry Goldstein, owned a jewelry store; her mother, Miriam, quit a job as a newspaper women's page editor to become a housewife.

As a girl, Friedan watched her mother "cut down my father because she had no place to channel her terrific energies, a typical female disorder that I call impotent rage," she said.

From high school valedictorian in 1938 to summa cum laude graduate of Smith College in 1942, "I was that girl with all A's and I wanted boys worse than anything," she said.

She won a fellowship in psychology to the University of California, Berkeley, but turned down a bigger fellowship there so as not to outdo a boyfriend.

The romance broke up anyway and Friedan moved to Greenwich Village in New York and became a labor reporter.

She lost one job to a returning World War II veteran but found another before marrying Carl Friedan, a summer-stock producer and later an advertising executive, in 1947. The marriage, which produced three children, ended in divorce 22 years later.

Friedan got a maternity leave to have her first child in 1949, but was fired and replaced by a man when she asked for another leave to have the second child five years later.

The family had moved to a big Victorian house in the suburban Rockland County village of Grandview-on-the-Hudson, N.Y., where Friedan cranked out freelance magazine articles while bringing up her brood.

Hoping to get a magazine piece out of a Smith College 15-year reunion, Friedan prepared an in-depth survey of her classmates.

What she found was that these well-educated women of the class of 1942, now largely suburban housewives, were asking, in effect, "Is this all?"

Friedan couldn't get the article published in a magazine, but five years of more research and writing turned it into "The Feminine Mystique."

If some women read it as a call to arms, others were outraged, Friedan recalled. Dinner invitations stopped; she was out of the school car pool.

But the first printing of 3,000 eventually grew to 600,000 copies hardcover and more than 2 million in paperback. The book was listed at No. 37 on a 1999 New York University survey of 100 examples of the best journalism of the century.

In 1964, the family moved back to Manhattan in 1964 and Friedan began working to have the federal government enforce the Civil Rights Act as it applied to sex and not only to race, religion and national origin.

Founding NOW was a response to federal inaction. The finale of Friedan's presidency was the national women's strike of August 1970, which brought women out across the country on the 50th anniversary of women's suffrage.

She also was a founder in 1968 of the National Conference for Repeal of Abortion Laws, which became the National Abortion Rights Action League, and of the National Women's Political Caucus in 1971.

During the following decade she taught and lectured, and her 1981 book, "The Second Stage," was seen by many as a public break with the feminist leadership that had succeeded her. She said they had pursued "sexual politics that distorted the sense of priorities of the women's movement during the 1970s," and had opened the way for conservatives and reactionaries to occupy the center on family issues.

In "The Second Stage," Friedan also appeared to accept criticism from some women that "The Feminine Mystique" was too dismissive of domestic life. "Our failure was our blind spot about the family," she wrote.

Friedan taught on both coasts, at New York University and the University of Southern California, lecturing widely and traveling to women's conferences around the globe.

She helped persuade the Democratic Party to give women half the delegate strength at its nominating convention and was herself a delegate when Geraldine Ferraro was nominated for vice president in 1984.

She lived in New York City and Washington, D.C., and had a summer house in Sag Harbor, N.Y.

Survivors include her sons, Daniel Friedan of Princeton, N.J., and Jonathan Friedan of Philadelphia, and daughter Emily Friedan of Buffalo, N.Y.; nine grandchildren; a sister, Amy Adams of New York; and a brother, Harry Goldstein of Palm Springs, Calif.

Carl Friedan died in December, according to Bazelon.

She said the funeral will be Monday at Riverside Memorial Chapel in New York.


Copyright © 2006 The Associated Press

Sign Betty Friedan's Guest Book

Not sure what to say?

May 20, 2008

eboni sandoval posted to the memorial.

February 20, 2006

Terry McGuire posted to the memorial.

February 19, 2006

BETSY GUERRA posted to the memorial.

39 Entries

eboni sandoval

May 20, 2008

In loving memory of a wonderful person. We will love you and miss you always.

Terry McGuire

February 20, 2006

I had the great honor to meet you several times, and hear you speak. You changed my life.

BETSY GUERRA

February 19, 2006

MY CONDOLENCES TO THE FAMILY OF BETTY FRIEDAN. SHE WAS OUR HERO.

Marina DeRoy

February 19, 2006

your memories will live for ever...

God bless...

Larry Martin

February 16, 2006

God Bless you, Betty, and may God kiss you as you arrive in Heaven. You will be missed until the end of time . . .

Sarah S

February 12, 2006

Gone but not forgotten. You touched so many lives. We promise to keep the fight a live.

Jeanne

February 11, 2006

Your legacy lives on every day in the millions of women who live their dreams, whether it be a life of family, career, or both. Thanks to your courage, we now have the choice and strength to live as (mostly) equal members of our society.

AnaLila Jimenez

February 9, 2006

Thank you for allowing us to show our true colors. Love. AnaLila

Nita Robinson

February 8, 2006

Our prayers are with the family. She was able to put into words, what women everywhere have felt in our hearts but were unable or afraid to articulate. We owe a lot to Betty Friedan.

Allan Johnson

February 7, 2006

You bright light will shine on all women forever. Rest In Peace.

norma mondonedo

February 7, 2006

I was very much surprised that when two other leaders of human and civil rights where remembered during the Superbowl that Betty Friedman was not mentioned as well. You leave behind a legacy that has made my professional life a lot easier than the women of your time. Thank you for everything. May your family find comfort at this time, knowing that a pioneer's principles and beliefs have made a tremendous difference for me, my friends, my daughter. We all thank you.

Bernice Doyle

February 7, 2006

My condolences to the family of Betty Friedan. May her light shine forever on all people all over the world. She will not be forgotten.

Frank Saptel

February 7, 2006

Thank you for setting the stage for all us. You fought the impossible war. Your part is done. We must now continue the fight and stop those who want to take away what you and others helped win for all.

Malissa Haslam

February 6, 2006

Feminine Mystique literally changed my life. I will always be grateful to her for leading the charge in pioneering women's liberation. It's the end of an era with her passing.

Helene Schmidt

February 6, 2006

THANK YOU for proving that being born FEMALE was NOT a curse and that we had RIGHTS and SELF-RESPECT and a HERSTORY that was just as valid as HISTORY!

Thank you for showing us the way.

Someone had to be first to blaze the trail for us and she was YOU!

Thank you and may G*d bless you!

Millions of women are grateful for your hard work and dedication to helping women win OUR Civil Rights and stating that we ARE PEOPLE too!

It's up to us now!

THANK YOU!

Joanne Flores

February 6, 2006

My condolence goes out to her family she will be missed and extremly difficult to fill her shoes.Bettys one of a kind.In my eyes she will always remain a hero because she stood up for what she believed in.

Brenda Batts

February 6, 2006

I am grateful for all you did to make women recognize and recognized. May you rest in peace knowing that you fought the good fight. Thank you.

Irene Vinyard Bennett

February 6, 2006

My condolences to the Friedan family. Thank you for sharing Betty with the world. The Feminine Mystique changed my life and my friends' lives and gave me a mantra to rear my daughter by and to share with others: "Each person is to be a responsible, contributing member of society." Thank you, Betty, for a life well-lived.

Catherine White

February 6, 2006

You helped us believe in ourselves. God bless you!

Linda Johnson

February 6, 2006

If it were not for Betty's influence, I may not even exist today! With her reasonings I prepared myself to step out of an abusive relationship and say, "My parents did not raise me to be a punching bag. I am a person!" Thank you so much, so many times.

[email protected]

C. Adrienne Baughman

February 5, 2006

Rest in peace, Betty. There are others to take up your important work. ~Aie

Debra Satchel

February 5, 2006

What a blessing she was to America.

NOREEN ALVAREZ

February 5, 2006

IAM SO SORRY

Lori Cortright

February 5, 2006

Thank you, Ms. Friedan, for all you did in behalf of women, and the elderly and disabled. My mother, who was your age, did not believe she was in a position that allowed her to live the life you introduced her to, however, she made sure her daughters did. Thank you. You will be missed.

Michael & Melissa

February 5, 2006

A great loss. Our deepest sympathy goes out to the family and friends.

Shirley Andeson

February 5, 2006

My mother a survivior of Aushwitz admired everything you stood for and wrote about. She met you at Hadassah conventions in Canada. She went to heaven on Dec. 6, 2005 she would love to see you, hope you two meet up again.

To all God Bless

Elisa Hinken

February 5, 2006

It's a bit strange that we lost two leaders of human and civil rights in the same week. It is my hope that our world has many to fill the shoes of two great people - Betty Friedan and Coretta Scott King.



Thank you Ms. Friedan for the ability to use "MS." as part of our salutation for women. You leave behind a legacy that gave hope in my own life, and hope in the lives of our daughters and granddaughters. We are forever indebted to you. May your family find comfort at this time, knowing that a trailblazer's ideals have changed the world forever.

Vanessa Sirianni

February 5, 2006

To the Friedan Family,

My condolence goes out to your family. If it was not for Betty, i would not have the job or the rights i have today. Thank you Betty, Your legancy will live on

Jeannine

February 4, 2006

Betty became my heroine when I first read Feminine Mystique as a college junior and my admiration continued through her Fountain of Age. Her insight into societal mores has given us courage to change and be more. What an amazing woman she was.

Allison

February 4, 2006

My eternal gratitude goes out to you... your life has had such an impact on so many people. Your legacy will live on.

Lori Reed

February 4, 2006

To Betty's family and friends,



I'am glad Betty was an actvist and made positive changes in this world.



Lori

Lois Williams

February 4, 2006

Betty was a catalyst for change and very instrumental in helping women stand up and be counted. Because of Betty, many of us continue to draw on our own strength instead of burying our heads in the sand with defeatist attitudes. Thank you, Betty.

jen

February 4, 2006

you will be missed, betty.

Corinne Smreczak

February 4, 2006

Dear Family of Betty Friedan:

A great woman she was and eternal rest granted upon her oh lord and may perpetual light shine upon her.

Jenny

February 4, 2006

We are still burning our bras - thanks for the femanist movemant to set women apart

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Sign Betty Friedan's Guest Book

Not sure what to say?

May 20, 2008

eboni sandoval posted to the memorial.

February 20, 2006

Terry McGuire posted to the memorial.

February 19, 2006

BETSY GUERRA posted to the memorial.