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Ruth Hayward Obituary
Ruth Elizabeth Sutherlin Finney Hayward passed away Tuesday, June 11, 2013 at home in Pasadena, California, after a seventeen-month battle with brain cancer. She was 73.
Ruth was born in Indiana and raised in San Mateo, Calif. She was educated at Stanford and at Harvard universities, where she earned a PhD in cultural anthropology.
Her teaching at the University of Hawaii, her career serving the United Nations in Rome, Mexico City, Katmandu, New York, and Eritrea, and her book Breaking the Earthenware Jar: Lessons from South Asia to End Violence Against Women and Girls published by UNICEF were all marked by her unsurpassed spirit of adventure, openness, and generosity.
In what bore a faint resemblance to retirement in Southern California, Ruth dedicated herself to the cause of the Tibetan people. She was the prime mover for the first two shows of Tibetan furniture in American museums: Wooden Wonders at the Pacific Asian Museum in Pasadena and In the Service of the Buddha: Tibetan Furniture from the Hayward Family Collection at LACMA.
Ruth also founded the Panchen Lama-Tashi Lhunpo Project (PLTL), a nonprofit dedicated to supporting Tibetan religion and culture by rebuilding a key monastery in India. This project continues under the stewardship of her husband, Dr. Robert Hayward.
Ruth is grieved, celebrated, and survived by her husband Robert, brother John, sons Sean and Greg, step-daughters Wendy and Erica, first husband Ben, and many more people whose lives she has touched.
The family requests that donations be made in Ruth's name to the PLTL, with the funds dedicated to finishing the prayer hall for the Tashi Lhunpo Monastery in exile.
To plant trees in memory, please visit the Sympathy Store.
Memories and Condolences
for Ruth Hayward
Joji Arellano Santos
June 23, 2025
Ruth remains an inspiration to me and her legacy lives on through the Tashi Lhunpo Foundation formerly the Panchen Lama Tashi Lhunpo Project which she founded.
Priscilla
June 23, 2022
Thinking of you my dear friend. Your spirit shines in my memory and will forever be part of the buildings at Tashi Lhunpo. Love forever!!!
Joji Arellano-Santos
June 23, 2020
Remembering my dearest friend Ruth! We are carrying the torch for you and keeping your legacy alive. The cause of Panchen Lama Tashi Lhunpo Project lives on! I love you Ruth!
Peter
December 17, 2016
I remember a very pretty Stanford co-ed.
Ladakh_Stok_2007_Haywards_etal
Jeanne Cosby
July 28, 2013
Dear Bob, Ruth's family and friends,
I've returned from the grasslands of Kham where I found myself thinking a lot of Ruth: how much meaningfulness Ruth brought into our lives; her caring, daring, humor, and intellect; and her encouragement to be passionate in our lives, too. May your memories bring you enduring comfort, inspiration, and engagement in the new days to come.
Sean, I am so glad you wrote about your mother for us. Thank you.
Ruth, My heartfelt thanks for our time together and the opportunities you created for us to learn more about the work of "our simple monk." Your spirit lives in many, many hearts.
Love,
~ Jeanne
July 10, 2013
Dear Bob, Sean and Everyone Else Whose Life Ruth Touched,
I only recently found out about Ruth's passing from Mary Fischer, and it has taken a few days to sink in, even though Ruth called me immediately after the diagnosis and this moment was not unexpected. I lost touch with Ruth shortly after the first few weeks of her diagnosis despite trying to send e-mails and phone, and assumed she needed to focus 100% on her care as well as all the other things she wanted to finish before leaving this world.
Carl Bielefeldt told me Ruth had flown up and attended a special talk on Buddhism at Stanford a few short months ago, and it seemed the world would go on spinning. But in a certain way it has now most definitely stopped, at least for a moment of reflection on one of the most unusually caring (and humorous) people we have ever been blessed to know.
Ruth was always my main sidekick and partner in crime in coming up with a million new ideas for events at Stanford and just running with them at the last minute. I'm not so sure I would have been as daring as I was without her, and I owe her more than I can say here when she became my rock and such a vocal supporter near the end of my time with Stanford. I will always be grateful for the strength and courage she showed me was possible in so many areas of life.
Ruth was always the spark to so many gatherings. When she and Bob led the tour at the Cantor Arts Museum for the new Tibetan Studies Initiative donors to see all the antique Tibetan furniture they donated, they brought both the furniture and seemingly all of Tibet to life in that one back room.
Ruth was larger than life when she was alive, and her spirit will no doubt continue to permeate all the good that the Khen Rinpoche and the Tashi Lhunpo Monastery (and the rest of us) hope to accomplish.
May she rest in peace, but keep up her persistent nudging to constantly do more, from on high, and may all of her (and our) dreams be realized.
I love you, Ruth.
Wendy Abraham
Deborah DeFilippo
July 8, 2013
Ruth was the embodiment of compassion. She devoted her life to relieving suffering across the globe and her work continues to make a very positive impact on so many people's lives. I miss Ruth's kindness, wit, curiosity and passion for life, to name a few. Ruth's legacy will live on for generations. I feel blessed and thankful that Ruth came into my life and inspired me.
I look forward to commemorating Ruth's latest efforts with the completion of the Tashi Lhunpo Monastery, which will preserve so many of the intellectual and cultural jewels of the Tibetan people.
May Ruth's memory be a blessing for all.
With Love, Deborah
Phila McDaniel
July 7, 2013
Ruth has been an inspiration to me from the first moment we met in the remote grasslands of Amdo and Kham in the high plateau of Eastern Tibet. Her selfless life in helping others has changed mine and given such insights into Buddhist spiritual worlds. Our last trip together was such a delight as I watched Ruth and Bob together so devoted to the pleasure of each other. Their eagerness to explore was wonderful to witness as they climbed every waterfall and descended every gorge and interacted with all the tribal people we met in the hidden corners and terraces of Guizhou and Guangxi. Plans were made to circumambulate the most sacred mountain of Tibet, Mt. Kailash and to return to Nepal, a place of many memories for each of us. At that moment, none of us dreamed that those plans would not be realized. The news came just shortly after our return that Ruth and Bob would not become the nomads they thought they would become. But even then, Ruth determinedly went right on - making an incredibly beautiful documentary film about the life of Khen Rimpoche and continuing to raise funds for the PTTL foundation and the Tibetan way of preparing for a conscious death. This film will probably win an international award and should be shown to audiences here when it is available. My goal now is to continue to have singing bowl concerts and lectures to benefit Ruth's efforts and to help Tibetans in and outside of Tibet to have a peaceful existence without political strife. I will be in remote Tibet all during August and will complete my last research expedition to publish "Where Wind Horses Fly" and plan a traveling exhibition of the arts of the nomads of Amdo and Kham. In October I will return to Nepal and will be thinking of Ruth's efforts with the UNA for the ten years she spent there. I hope that there will be a memorial event where Ruth's friends can tell their own stories about Ruth's contributions to so many as well as the lessons she demonstrated by her own acceptance of life and the death experience. We know that the meditations she practiced helped her to go through the eight cycles of dissolution and to be guided into the highest spiritual realms. Ruth must have so much positive karma gained by the act of giving that her transitions will be eased into rebirth. Photos will be added this week.
Ann Brutus
July 7, 2013
Just found out about Ruth's passing; was away and sorry to hear.. Ruth was an amazing woman, the inspiration to keep going. We will miss her beyond words. Saying prayers for her family and loved ones.
Ruth at the Cantor Museum, Stanford University
Chris Wesselman
July 5, 2013
Ruth & her husband Bob Hayward were there day 1 of my 1st event photo shoot in 2007. Due largely to the success & inspiration of that day, I've gone on to take over 60,000 photos at hundreds of events, all pro bono.
Ruth, your life & work are wonderful inspirations to all of us who wish to live a life in service to others. We will always remember you!
Flowers at Bodh Gaya
Priscilla Newton
July 2, 2013
Ruth contributed to my life in ways that can not be counted. Because she gave every part of herself so freely, and her spirit so wide and encompassing, I know that I will continue to see vestiges of her huge presence in my life for many years to come. Thank you, Ruth.
Joji Arellano-Santos
July 2, 2013
Ruth was a beautiful spirit who touched the lives of those fortunate enough to have crossed her path. What an amazing woman! She is and will be dearly missed!!!!
July 2, 2013
Ruth touched us all in ways we will remember forever. We are so thankful for having known her for nearly 30 years. Our deepest condolences with love..Robbie & Gail La Roque
Yangki & Jerry Ackerman
July 1, 2013
Ruth was a wonderful and enlightened spirit. Wherever she went she brought joy and hope. She will be sorely missed and remembered with love.
July 1, 2013
She was beautiful human being and aways with lots love and good heart. We miss her deeply.
Love and pray,
Yangki$ Jerry Ackerman
Sean Finney
July 1, 2013
I sadly but gladly sign this guest book.
Julia Knox
June 30, 2013
A beautiful obituary for an extraordinary person. Much love to the Hayward family.
Erica Hahn
June 30, 2013
I am sorry to see that she has now passed on, but as her soul was truly Buddhist, I am sure there will be peace for her.
Pam Davidson
June 30, 2013
Dear Robert,
Neil and I send our sincere condolences on Ruth's passing. We met Ruth and yourself on various occasions involving the Nepalese and Tibetan communities. Her soul has continued on its everlasting journey although, I am sure she would have preferred to stay with us a little longer. Ruth was an acquaintance rather than a close friend, which was certainly our loss.
Pam & Neil Davidson
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