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Spencer Watson Seupel

1990 - 2012

Spencer Watson Seupel obituary, 1990-2012, High Falls, NY

BORN

1990

DIED

2012

Spencer Seupel Obituary

Spencer Watson Seupel

High Falls - The Details:

My beautiful son, Spencer Watson Seupel, of High Falls, New York, took his own life in his fraternity room at Penn State, State College, PA early in the morning of Friday, February 17, 2012. He was 21 years old. Spencer is survived by his brother, Taylor, his mother Celia, his father Herbert, and his grandmother, Genie Watson. Spencer's funeral will be held at Copeland Funeral Home, Inc., 162 South Putt Corners Road, New Paltz, NY 12561 Thursday, February 23, 2012. Friends and relatives may visit at the funeral home from 2-4pm; a Celebration of Life Service will begin there at 4pm. In lieu of flowers, donations may be made in Spencer's name to www.benspeaks.org, an organization founded by my in-laws to help prevent teen suicide.

The Story:

Spencer loved to be always moving. As a baby, he could be held close only in sleep. As soon as he could stand, he was jumping. As soon as he could walk, he was running.

Once, when we were in New York City's Central Park, we came upon a ring of people listening to the haunting Peruvian flutes. Spencer, who was two, ran into the empty space and began to dance. He turned round and round, he jumped, he rolled on the ground and came up waving his arms. Spencer loved to dance and later even studied dance in New Paltz.

But he gave up dance for baseball, the more manly sport. Later it was lacrosse and football. Spencer, like all boys in our society, began looking for ways to be a man - as if being himself were not enough. I remember the rage and frustration he felt in Little League when he struck out; the unbearable self-hated. My unending gratitude to Frank Coddington, a coach who saw something special in Spencer and helped Spencer develop what he could be good at - his speed. Spencer was always fast.

It seems early on Spencer felt he was not good enough. I don't know why, but I do know it is something many young people feel today. How much teen and youth suicide do we have to endure? In 2007, suicide was the third leading cause of death for young people ages 15 to 24. There is despair among the young of our society that springs from a misapprehension of what it means to be human.

Every human needs to feel special, to feel that he or she belongs as a valued member, to feel appreciated and honored by others. But so many of us don't. In our huge anonymous schools and conformist youth culture, in our adult world of fame and wealth, social climbing and cool, competition and winning seem to be the only means of finding what we need. We have lost our way.

Love and tolerance is the way - the antithesis of teenage culture. As adults, we preach love and tolerance at school, then fail to lead by example. In business, in sports, in entertainment, in personal relationships and in the media … how often do adults place people before profit, a helping hand before blame, caring ahead of winning, others ahead of self?

Spencer's true nature was one of extreme sensitivity. He was easily and deeply wounded; he cried when others were cruel. When Spencer was in sixth grade, he told me he thought he should see a doctor because at times, "water" came out of his eyes. Of course, he was not crying; that was not manly.

But Spencer was very smart, resourceful, ambitious and determined. As he grew, he built a new and tougher personality: a personality of cool, of fun, of hard work and goals. He built stubborn walls to protect that fragile self. He constructed a defensive, brittle confidence. He made friends; he gave parties; he got drunk; he achieved Eagle Scout; he drove fast.

What Spencer really wanted, more than anything else, was closeness. He wanted to be a doctor so he could help others; he was an EMT. How ironic; how typical: His own walls and drive to be the best kept him apart from the closeness he craved. Ever determined, he worked hard on understanding what he was doing wrong, how he could be a better person, a better friend. And I think he was really beginning to get it.

Drinking sabotaged all that: seductive, deadly alcohol. The drug that brings down the walls and helps us feel close - as long as we're drunk. The drug that circles back and rakes out your heart.

The afternoon before Spencer died, he called me between classes. He was thrilled and excited about a lecture he'd just heard about nanotechnology and medicine. "This is the future," he said. "This is what's going to pull our country out of recession." Spencer had just won an internship for the summer. He was planning on applying to a med school that emphasized the special relationship between doctor and patient. He was excited about his future.

That night, Spencer got very, very drunk. Binge drinking at college has been a regular thing since freshman year. Why didn't he get the proper help?

Thursday night was one of those binge nights at the frat. He had a fight with his best friend. He said he was going to kill himself. He locked his door and did it. He did not leave a note. He did not look for help. Alcohol brought down those prefabricated walls, and all that was left was thoughtless pain.

It was stupid and impulsive and he would not have done this thing if he had not been drunk. Spencer had plans and goals and family that loved him. He knew this. We talked about it -Spencer said he would never do such a thing. But he did. Because of alcohol. The drunken impulse in a moment of despair that can never be taken back.

Kids drink this way because they need to escape their own false personalities. They strive to be the best, to be cool, to be popular and successful. Underneath, it's all about the same old human needs: to feel valued, to feel important and special, to belong, to be loved.

Lectures and platitudes to the young will never change their society. We must all be the agents of change. Our society, as it gets bigger and more global, must evolve just as our species has evolved. Each of us, at work in the office, at home, in the post office, at the grocery store and in the government, must honor and value each person we encounter. How would your day be if, instead of trying to be right, you were trying to help?

In the media, we must pay homage to the ordinary hero: not the superstar, but the man who goes to work and loves his kids, the person of integrity who has the courage of his convictions. The culture of children in huge schools should not be left to run amok with misguided values, churning out young men and women who believe that social status is the measure of their worth. It is more than destructive; it is brutal, a de-evolution of humanity.

Now Spencer, finally, is at rest, and I hold him close within me. Please hold him close, as I do, in your mind and your spirit. Remember the meaning of this tragedy. If a young man or woman says maybe I'll kill myself, tell someone. Don't leave him alone. If a young man or woman drinks too much, say something. It's not a game; it's a symptom. And let us find and encourage within ourselves, within our society, those gifts that make each of us special: not star power, not intellectual prowess, but the ineffable mystery and extraordinary beauty of the simple human heart.

Published by Poughkeepsie Journal on Feb. 21, 2012.
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Not sure what to say?





My thoughts are with your family on this anniversary. I appreciate your heartfelt and true article. I lost .y 49 year old brother to alcoholism in January of 2012. To me it was a slow suicide. So very tragic. I too recognize the problems in our society that create the false ideas of what life should be, and that leave behind those who don't conform. I am troubled for our youth. Again, my thoughts are with your family, as I know that this is a daily loss and not just on the anniversary.

Della Barbee

Other

February 15, 2024

I think of Spencer often and with kindness

Charles Murray

Work

February 14, 2024

I remember him as a talented dancer. I hope his family has some video of him dancing...

Susan Slotnick

February 13, 2024

Beautifully said. My heart hurts for your loss. And for those of so many.

Chris Carroll

January 11, 2023

What an amazing memorial you wrote! My condolences for your loss. My first major loss was a boyfriend who suicided. I knew if he wasn´t on substances, he would be alive today. I was 22. Since then I´ve had many losses, many due to addiction. Your honesty in this obituary was so forthright and necessary to bring attention to our failure as a society to accept substance use disorder as a medical issue, and to understand suicide from a non judgmental view. While my heart aches for you, I am also extremely grateful for this sentiment. Your son sounds like an amazing young man. May you continue to have joy in the midst of your grief. Love to you and your family.

Darlene

Other

November 29, 2022

I just read this beutiful entry. I was Spencers dance teacher. I was very sorry to see spencer go, he was extremely talented. I know somewhere I have a video of the show he was in, I would like to connect with Spencers Mom and see if she remember the year he danced with us or the music he danced to .. I can be reached though susanslotnick.com

Susan Slotnick

Teacher

February 14, 2021

I think of Spencer often. Always smiling, engaging, thoughtful young man. A protector of friends and family, a sensitive thinker, Spencer continues to be with us who knew him and he is missed•

Charles Murray

Teacher

February 13, 2021

I always loved seeing Spenser dance.

Susan Slotnick

Teacher

July 20, 2020

As the days and weeks pass, the sadness may never truly go away, but the beautiful memories of Spencer will eventually overshadow the ache in your heart and you will learn to smile for all the joyous times you spent with him. He was a beautiful little boy, and I can only imagine the sensitive, bright and beautiful man he was to come.

BARBARA Lee FITZSENRY

Friend

July 19, 2020

Thinking of you all and remembering Spencer .. youre all in my prayers.
Dorothy Mayone

Dorothy Mayone

Friend

February 13, 2019

I found your obituary through an article on exceptional obituaries. And it is that. Your words are meaningful and profound and should be required reading for every soul. This obituary should be printed and hung on every door that exists, particularly doors through which youth travel. My heart breaks for you. Thank you for the gift of this obituary, as well as for the gift of Spencer. Laura Hartley

Laura Hartley

July 13, 2018

I remember him dancing... wishing you all the best for the new year

susan slotnick

January 16, 2017

Thank you for sharing your Spencer with us through your beautiful words. Praying you and your family know peace.

Dana G.

January 15, 2017

Very poignant. Blessings.

steven

August 11, 2015

Dear Cecilia, thank you for your raw honesty and expression. My son has an LD that often frustrates him and has at times pitted him in the throws of depression. I pray for him and all young people that they find healthy outlets and that they will find friends who nurture their vulnerabilities rather than exacerbate them. I commend you on your openness to share during what have to had been a difficult time.

Jil Ross

July 12, 2015

I am very sorry for your loss. I feel that you just wrote my sons story.

Sonya Stanley

April 27, 2015

Hi Celia,

When I saw you recently, you seemed sad and I certainly understand....Just
know my heart is with you and so are many, many others. Spencer will always be in our hearts....You are such a powerful person and I consider it a honor to know you.....Stay strong....

With Love,
Fonda

Fonda Rothblatt

March 26, 2015

Mrs. Seupel ~

It amazing the many lives you have touched. Just wanted to let you know you and Taylor are in my thoughts!

"Miss" Ellen Michaelis

March 26, 2015

Cecilia, I don't know you but I feel that I do because of your sentiments regarding not only your son but the millions of young people in this world that are trying to fit in. I agree with every word that you have written. I hope that I encourage everyone that I come in contact with. I pray for the peace but I love what Spencer stood for and I hated that he did not know how valuable he was. His poor best friend. I hope he will heal through his pain. I hope you will become a speaker to advocate for the Spencer's of this world. We need people with words like yours to help our young adults seek purpose and to know how valuable they are to our living. They have a song out now that when I hear it I cringe. It is entitled, "I Wish that I could be like the cool kids." It goes on to say that because they seem to fit in." How daunting. We all fit in on our own unique way with our own unique gifts. My prayers to you and your family. Love Toni

Toni Christmas

March 25, 2015

I read this because my mum just died, and I am trying to write her obituary. This was what came up when I googled great obituaries, but I wanted you to know that I read it through again and again because of the honesty and beauty of your story, and my own experience with a highly sensitive child/teen/adult who I wonder if she can survive with such a tender heart in the hard world. Thank you for writing your son's story, for putting it out into the world for us to recognize. What a mother. What a son.

Pauline Nelson

November 18, 2014

What a beautiful writing for your son.
For all of us that read it. I am so sorry for your loss.
Peace be with you.

Cheryl-Ann Young

October 28, 2014

Dear Celia,
We are so blessed and fortunate to have you sharing Spencer's obituary with us. It is beautiful and captures so incredibly well the essence of human relationships, why we exist and what we seek and so much of what we can do better. My daughter will head to college next fall and I will ask her to read Spencer's story... may it some day help her to help someone else.
Nicky

September 2, 2014

Mrs. Seupel,

Each day is a blessing from God. Even though you have suffered heartbreaking losses, your wisdom and honesty are truly both courageous and enlightening.

It is my prayer that your son's troubling story will somehow reach out to others and deter them from taking their own lives. Each life is so precious and sacred. I know, just from reading your powerful words, that Spencer filled your heart with joy and love In his young life.

May God continue to be with you as you cope with the losses you have endured. I pray that the memories of happier and more promising times bring comfort and healing to your spirit.

Thank you for sharing such a heartbreaking story of unconditional love and the feverent hope for successfully reaching out to those who need to find strength and hope in their struggles. You are truly a remarkable woman with a mother's courageous and enduring heart.

Jenny S.

August 1, 2014

Katlin Hubert

July 31, 2014

Celia: There are no words that can express the utmost devastation I felt upon reading not only Spencer's Obit tonight, but HD's. A few years ago I tried to reach out to you and Herb in High Falls and had actually tried to book a weekend thru some site, unfortunately never receiving a response. And then life went on. For some reason this past week I was thinking about all the many important people in my life and, of course, HD came to mind, so tonight I tried again to see if you or HD had a FB account or some other way to connect and found the obits. OMG, my heart goes out to you and Taylor. I am writing this through a vale of tears and so at a loss for words. Their legacies showcased in your brilliant writing touched me profoundly and will forever be ingrained on my heart. I am far away living in Thailand near one of my sons, but if you would ever like to reach out to me, please do so [email protected] or on Facebook under barbara.fitzsenry.9 I so hope you receive this and know you will understand what I am feeling and how sincerely I needed to let you know if I can ever help you and Taylor in any way, I would never hesitate.

March 13, 2014

thank you for your honesty.

Tanya Hart-Garman

August 4, 2013

Dear Ms. Seupel,
I just finished reading your essay published in the NY Times dated 4/10/12. My deepest and heartfelt condolences to you and family on the loss of a cherished son, grandson and brother. I read the beautiful web site that you created in his memory. I am so sorry for your loss; I am at a loss for words. Those whose lives were touched by Spencer were truly blessed to have known him.

Marilyn

May 11, 2013

Dear Ms. Seupel, A post on Onward State published on 4/12/13 brought me to this page. I am incredibly moved by your posting, and wanted to thank you for sharing Spencer's story. I am so , so sorry you lost your son. You are a remarkably strong mother and woman for writing this and sharing Spencer's story with friends, classmates and the online community. I am thinking and praying for your family, as I know that while time may ease the pain, it will never erase it. I hope peace and love are with you and your family today.

Nicole

April 12, 2013

Dear Celia,

Thank you for calling attention to suicide in the USA. My father took his own life over 8 years ago, when I was a freshman in college. My method of dealing has been to just thrust this event from my mind. Recently, I have come to accept that I will never be healthy if I don't turn around and deal with some of this stuff.

My father was a joyful person, and full of love. How his delight in life turned into such a deep depression frightens me very much, especially since these 8 years have brought me no answers.

I do agree that American culture is becoming diluted with sensationalism that amounts to very little of spiritual value. I am reluctant to impose on people who don't see anything wrong with a shallow way of being, but I think I am prepared to work with people who feel similarly. And I hope to work towards being able to open up to others such that I may help them the way you have helped me.

I want to thank you for being so brave and volunteering your experience, and opening up a very personal chapter in your life to help others continue the dialogue around this sensitive phenomenon that afflicts people when they least expect it.

Because of your piece on Spencer, and the website you set up in his memory, I feel just a little bit less defensive in terms of protecting my father's dignity and the memory he left behind.

Thank you.

Melissa

January 24, 2013

Dear Ms. Seupel,

Your piece on your son and mother in the Times somehow appeared in my "recommended" reading today, more than nine months after you published it. This is more than a bit strange, because a beautiful friend of mine who was also a amazing work colleague took his own life a little over a month ago, quite suddenly and unexpectedly. He was 24. Finding your piece must have been some sort of serendipity, because I haven't been able to process his death yet. Perhaps in part because it was so unexpected. It just doesn't like he could be possibly gone. I haven't even managed to cry.

After reading your beautiful piece, which led me to your poignant, heartbreaking site in memory of him, I'm crying now. Thank you.

Robbie

January 24, 2013

I saw your article about losing your son and finding your mother to be a moving tribute to both of them. This led me to search for Spencer's obituary, which I have just read. You described him so well as well as reminding us that our role as adults is to lead and understand our young people, with the goal of supporting and helping them. Thank you for your words. I hope they help you process some of the pain of your very sad loss. Spencer's death is a loss to all of us.

Judy Sadler

December 9, 2012

I came across your blog and found this online obituary on Spencer. The obituary is beautiful, and Spencer sounds like an amazing person. This touched me deeply. I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing the spirit of Spencer's love and compassion, and yours as well, through your profound words.

Alexandra

December 7, 2012

Mrs. Seupel,
I am the Jenny who just sent you a message on October 23. Looking it over now, I realize that my brain was moving much faster than my fingers.
Your son's suicide is indeed a heartbreaking and cautionary tale for all of us who are blessed to have children. It is a reminder that we must love our children unconditionally and help them to see and value their inner beauty, their uniqueness.
Your heart is broken, your life will never be the same. Yet, despite this profound grief, your words are powerful and poignant.
I pray that your words will reach out and help those who so desperately need it.
God bless you and your family.

Jenny

October 25, 2012

Mrs. Seupel,
I found Spencer's incredibly poignant and heartbreaking obituary online this evening. Mere words cannot adequately express the profound suffering you and your loved ones must feel about the death of your precious child.
I have children myself, and I fervently hope and pray that they will be able to appreciate and accept what makes them each so wonderfully special.
It is indeed a tragedy when we (as adults) fail to look at others mot with the eyes, but with the heart.
Your incredible honesty about who Spencer was and those devastating last all-too-sudden moments of his life are both startling and shocking.
I can only hope and pray that these final, beautiful words,written as a loving tribute to Spencer, and the comfort and lasting support of family and
friend, will bring you and those left behind.

God be with you and your family: now and in those very difficult days to come.

Jenny

October 24, 2012

I read your New York Times article again tonight, the second time I have stumbled upon it. It is an overwhelmingly heartbreaking, poignant description of dementia and loss. My heart aches for you and your family. I emailed the article for my 23-year-old daughter, in the hope that perhaps, someday, it may be of value to her,or someone she knows. The young so need to know that it gets better, that you can live through this.

Susan Henry

October 21, 2012

I was very touched by Spencer's story, and I am grateful to you for sharing it, and for reaching for something good in the midst of something so horrible.

Ana Austin

August 8, 2012

My son committed suicide several weeks ago, and somehow as I was searching the internet for help with this tragedy, Spencer's obituary came up. I want to extend my sincerest condolences to you and your family, my heart breaks for you. If you are able to contact me, please do so.

July 10, 2012

I've read & reread your obituary. If it achieves a fraction of its potential,then the tragedy will not have been in vain.
Meyer Cohen

May 31, 2012

My deepest condolences to you and your family. In 1968 I lost a friend the same way. In an alcohol daze he got furious and felt helpless and committed suicide.
Words are not enough. My heart goes out to you. Life is so unfair.
Thank you for sharing this tragic situation.

Lotta Asp Andersson

May 17, 2012

I find myself rereading your entry. Tonight, I reread becuase my son was trying to explain how frustrated he gets with others when they don't understand him. I appreciate your sincerity and generosity to share your heart with all of us.

Theresa Borger

May 14, 2012

I am so sorry for your unimaginable loss. Thank you for sharing and reminding us how valuable and priceless our children are.

Lisa Waddell

April 18, 2012

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my son at 19 to suicide and I believe he got caught up with what alcohol did to him as well. Spencer sounds like he was a wonderful young man as I am sure he was. God Bless you and your family. If there is anything I can do please don't hesitate to connect with me. Please feel free to e-mail me at [email protected].

Cheryl Morin

April 18, 2012

I did not know your son but I feel your pain and understand what you are going through. On Feb 29 of this year my son was in a car accident and then shot himself. He graduated from Lock Haven University, he was bullied as a teen, and he was self medicating with alcohol. I too feel as though part of me died with Chris and my heart is broken. my deepest sympathy to you and your family. I hope you will find peace and strength.

Dawn Kann

April 18, 2012

Celia,
I am so sorry for your loss. Spencer was a lucky boy to have a mother like you. Your insightful and wise words, both in the New York Times article and the tribute to Spencer are so valuable to everyone, escpecially those of us navigating the same path with our sons. I will send this article to the Junior High in my town for the "drug education teacher". The risks of binge drinking should be talked about more frankly and frequently. Thank you for your writing. Have you thought about writng a blog? My heart is heavy, heavy, heavy for your family.

Martha Lovett

April 17, 2012

i remember his dancing so well and how sad i was to see him stop--- i would like to know what years he was with me so i could find some video of his dancing for you..

susan slotnick

April 16, 2012

thank you so much for the words you wrote about Spencer and his death. My darling Ali died on January 20th this year. I just sent this to our friends and family hoping it will also help them:

There is one thing in particular that Ali's close friends and I have been struggling to reconcile since her death.  Specifically, we all sincerely believe that her death was an accident.  But, to be blunt, how does someone accidentally hang themselves???   Still - we all know that Ali did NOT want to die.  Suicide was, and still is, completely inconsistent  with our experience of her.  She had plans for and was excited about the future.  She had just moved into a beautiful apartment with her childhood best friends.  She had just told Coral she was excited about eating some yummy leftovers for lunch the next day.  She was happy!  How could someone who lit up the room when she walked into it willingly extinguish that light?  

The attached article helped me get at least a partial answer to my question... ALCOHOL... "seductive, deadly alcohol. The drug that brings down the walls and helps us feel close – as long as we're drunk. The drug that circles back and rakes out your heart... The drunken impulse in a moment of despair that can never be taken back."  

That last sentence says it all for me.... THE DRUNKEN IMPULSE OF A MOMENT OF DESPAIR THAT CAN NEVER BE TAKEN BACK.  Of course, the end result is the same - she is gone.  I hope this is helpful to those who were close to Ali.  It does give me a bit of closure and helps me make at least a  little sense out of such a senseless loss.

barbara wakefield

April 15, 2012

My heart goes out to you and your family. I lost my son Scott to suicide in September 2011, who was a freshman at RPI. Reading about your son Spencer brought back so many memories. I am so sorry.

Sandra Fisher

April 15, 2012

God bless all of you. I teach freshman seminar at PSU, and I will be sure to share this article with them. Thank you!

Kate

April 14, 2012

Thank you. A dear friend, who lost her teenage son to suicide, shared this via FB. I teach and work with teens and am posting this to every one of them. Thanks to your bravery and desire to make a difference, Spencer IS helping others and his story, shared by you, is likely saving lives. Much love - Jessica, PA.

April 13, 2012

My daughter and her roommate were in the same honors organic chemistry class last semester with your son. They had nothing but nice things to say about Spencer.

We are all sadden by your loss and are all poorer for his passing.

Thank you for your strength and God bless you with His comfort and peace.

April 13, 2012

I just read "Blackberry". Spencer has given this stranger a great gift. Julia in Maine

April 13, 2012

Spencer sounds like a beautiful person. Unfortunately I have known 3 people this year who decided life was not worth living. The comparison is none to losing a son. But I wish there was something that could be done to help those who suffer with depression of all kinds. My heart, thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family.

Kolleen

April 13, 2012

I did not know your son, Spencer. I heard about his story through a Facebook post made by the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. After reading this, however, I feel as though I know him and feel the need to say that this is the most beautiful memorial I have ever read. I lost my boyfriend to suicide when we were 19... nearly 11 years ago. He was an alcoholic who also battled drug addiction. He always assured me he would never do such a thing. And I always feel like I could have done something more to help him. Just as I will never forget my loss, I will never forget your son, and the many other young people who have chosen to leave us too soon. My heart truly breaks for you, but I hope you can find some solace in knowing how many people his life and story have touched and that he will live forever in your hearts.

Jennifer

April 13, 2012

Bless you.

April 13, 2012

My son, too, has taken his life. He was an alcoholic and could no longer make rational decisions. Constantly I miss him and grieve his loss.
Judy Moore, State College, PA

April 13, 2012

As a mother and an aunt I have witnessed for myself the terrible cost of alcohol and drug abuse among our young people, especially our college students. My heart goes out to you and to Spencer. Your words will certainly help others awaken to the tragedy that is unfolding in our society, the senseless deaths of these beautiful young people. May you find peace and always feel the love and presence of your son.

Mary Bruce Serene

April 13, 2012

I too lost my son to suicide. Though he was older than yours, contributing causes were much the same: low self esteem, a (too) tender heart,
depression & alcohol. Arlene

April 13, 2012

I do not know you but was so touched by your heart-wrenching tribute to your son. I mourn with you.
Miriam C (MD)

Miriam C

April 12, 2012

I don't know you. This incredible tribute and sad commentary on our society is making it's way around Facebook. What you say is 100% true. I have three sons myself, the oldest of whom is 13. I worry about his inner self every day. I'm so incredibly sorry for your loss. As a mother I can only begin to imagine your pain. That you had the strength and fortitude to write something so incredibly powerful and true at such a time is an inspiration. Wishing you, and everyone who loved this incredible boy, peace--where ever you may find it, but particularly in the memories of this wonderful child.

Wendy Padilla

April 12, 2012

Tender thoughts to Spencer's memory and to you, his loved ones.

I'm a stranger to you, from Canada, but after reading Celia's open-hearted words in the New York Times, I appreciate this opportunity to reach out across the ether.

Let me be one to thank you for sharing your family pain, to lift the silence from the tragedy of suicide.

May Spencer continue to touch lives...
with peace,
Shani

Shani Komulainen

April 11, 2012

As a mother, grandmother, and former teacher, I feel your love and sincerity of the appeal in your articles. I empathize with your loss, and greatly appreciate your sharing it, rather than being silent.

Peace, Diane Low, CA

Diane Low

April 11, 2012

I am so sorry for your loss but I thank you for your honesty. We will share your son's story over and over and hope that it saves lives.

MICKELD

April 11, 2012

there's not a day that goes by that you are not thought of my dear friend.

Samantha Simmons

April 11, 2012

Dear Celia,
Thank you for your moving article in the New York Times Science section this Tuesday. I teach the Crisis Intervention course at Cabrini College. I have printed out your powerful obituary and will distribute it to my students tomorrow. May Spenser's life be for a blessing and may his death summon us to act and not stand idly by.
Thank you, Deborah D, Shain, LCSW, BCD

Deborah Shain

April 11, 2012

Celia,
I am so sorry for your loss. There are no words to express your grief. I lost my 30 year old son to suicide 6 years ago. I know just what you are going through. My son was an alcoholic and suffered from depression. I'm still grieving. In "complicated" grief as they say.It's something that you never get over. May God bless you with strength and courage during this horrible time. Love to your family as well. Lynda

Lynda Koplove

April 11, 2012

I lost my son-in-law last month. Thanks for you story. I hope writing helps ease your pain and sheds enough light so others may have a deeper understanding of self worth....Lesley Dowden, Vegas

Lesley Dowden

April 11, 2012

To Spencer's mom. My brother at 24 took his own life. He was also in college at the time and also very drunk. I had spoken to him on his birthday a week before and he was upbeat and seemed fine. He had a disagreement with a friend, went home and in front of his roomate took a gun and shot himself in the head. No second chances there. I still miss him and that was in 1980.My heart goes out to you.

Marsha Harvey

April 11, 2012

I did not know your Spencer, but I feel you pain acutely... thank you for so thoroughly sharing his story, maybe it will be heard and read by the correct people to effect a change!

sha wol

April 11, 2012

So sorry for your loss. May your beautiful tribute serve to save others the pain you are feeling.

Beth

April 11, 2012

Celia, thank you for taking the time to share this in the midst of your pain. I echo your ideas and your hopes which you have expressed so well. Your son could easily be one of my own sons, moving through the strange land of young adulthood, and I wish I could give you a hug. You will be in my thoughts.

Elaine Worcester

April 11, 2012

SILENCE
Touch your soul
GRIEF
Wash your heart with tears
PRAY
Release the burden
BE STILL
know that HE IS GOD

May your family find comfort in Jesus.

Bunmi Oyeyele

April 11, 2012

Celia, I am so very sorry for your tragic loss.

Claudia Nichols

April 11, 2012

Your heart breaking story will save someone's life, somewhere. A good friend's son took his own life by hanging himself. It was a long time ago and she has not forgotten. But, she can now smile, laugh and enjoy life. I'm sorry for your loss.

Mikki Couch

April 11, 2012

Remember him as all mothers see their children: happy dancing as a two year old, without a care in the world. As the mother of a two year old who loves to dance, it makes me cry to think that one day such happiness could turn into sadness so deep that suicide seemed like the only option. Without our children, life is bleak and full of pain.

Emily Barlow

April 11, 2012

Thank you for having the courage to share your loss and pain so that hopefully others will learn and help prevent other lives from ending too soon.
Aloha,
A mother

April 10, 2012

Dear Celia,
Thank you for sharing this. You have heart-breaking story; this could be my own son. In truth, this could be any number of boys I know. EMT, Eagle, med school, internships, college. Such promise. Such a loss. Thank you for the strength to write.

Marissa Robinson

April 10, 2012

My heart is with you; my mother, who was born in Poughkeepsie in 1927, took her own life in a drunken binge in 1975. I was 17. I miss her still. Thank you for sharing Spencer's experience, and your profound insight. It will most certainly bring a higher quality to many people's lives.

Martha Isleib

April 10, 2012

I read this day your account of your son's death. I was touched and send my condolences. Bert Z.

Bert Zackim

April 10, 2012

Dear Celia, my heart goes out to you and your family. I thank you for your courage and honesty and the deep love that shines through your words.
Love, Metta Soligard (England)

April 10, 2012

I am so so sorry for your loss; what an inspiring, and gut wrenching message you give us. Thank-you for reminding me of the challenge that the greater good is to help others and not to always be right. May you find peace at some point.

David Loewen

April 10, 2012

Dear Celia,

What eloquent, heart-breaking words. I hear you, and I will always think of Spencer and you when I see another person in need. Here are some words from the Hidden Words of Baha'u'llah that I hope will bring some comfort:

O SON OF MAN!
Thou art My dominion and My dominion perisheth not; wherefore fearest thou thy perishing? Thou art My light and My light shall never be extinguished; why dost thou dread extinction? Thou art My glory and My glory fadeth not; thou art My robe and My robe shall never be outworn. Abide then in thy love for Me, that thou mayest find Me in the realm of glory.

Much love,
Zoe Losada

Zoe Losada

April 10, 2012

I came to this website because of the story in the NYTimes. I am grateful to this courageous and loving mother for her mindful words to all of us, the people Spencer leaves behind. We are faced with tremendous challenges in the years ahead; privacy is becoming a thing of the past which puts human intimacy at risk. Our laws are becoming ever more draconian and the water is rising. The state of the world is pretty depressing. How will today's children handle that? How will they learn to hear cries for help when so much of their lives take place on a virtual plane? I don't know but I do know that when a woman can voice a call to recognize and value human frailty in the face of such horrendous loss, there is hope for all of us. Thank you Celia. And to your mother.

Minna

April 10, 2012

Celia, my heart is with you. I'm also a CU j-school alum. To write with such honesty and clarity in the midst of heartbreaking chaos is a gift to readers, to yourself as you begin to heal, and, most of all, to Spencer.

Katy

April 10, 2012

This is the saddest story. Today's New York Times has an essay written by Celia Watson Seupel about her beloved son and the effect his loss has had on her own mother struggling with moderate dementia. Pray for this family who is enduring unimaginable grief that is unrelenting and seemingly boundless...

Mary Thomas

April 10, 2012

My heart breaks for you and your family. I know his memory is a blessing. May you find comfort and strength and courage to go on.

Stephanie Kahn

April 9, 2012

Celia, my heart breaks for you. I can't imagine what you're going through. You show such enormous understanding, compassion, and love for Spencer and for all young people who are under such pressure--”I really do believe that your words already have inspired others to step outside themselves, be aware, and do whatever they can to protect the vulnerable lives of the people they love and know.

maura christopher

April 9, 2012

I am so sorry about the loss of your son. I pray for everyone in this horrible tragedy. I can only imagine how his friend must feel. It's sad all around. I will do my part to spread the word.. binge drinking is unhealthy for more than one reason. Maybe other young people will learn from this sad sad sad story. Just know that Spencer's life will not be in vain. A lot of people will learn from this and if god willing, it will save someone else's life.

Tina G.

April 9, 2012

My husband is going through the same exact thing I don't feel like a mother not being able to provide.im here at home takmg care of the house and my babies. He's gone all day till 6pm.we struggle Im scared of life Ive been called weird while just being myself way to many times. I believe it. Miss the only person "my husband" that understands me everyday. He sees what a good hearted helping giving person I am. I cry all the time at ugly. The good hearted always get the bashing when we try our hardest to make it all right in our best wr think as know how.

Ashley Sargent

April 9, 2012

I just saw a post online made by Celia Watson Seupel which touched me. I am exactly 3 days older than Spencer would have been now, which brings it that much closer. I am so sorry for your loss and hope you find enough strength to keep going! RIP Spencer Watson Seupel.

Thom Valks

April 9, 2012

Words can have many effects but I hope these have the deepest affect: your colleagues at Stern NYU embrace you with our love and sympathy.

Irv Schenkler

April 9, 2012

lost my baby sister last aug 5, only 23 yrs, so beautiful and drug&alcohol free,absolutely devastated me,as her big brother I feel your loss and pain! I pray for your family! keep heart strong that he is an angel with my sister

Troy Knight

March 29, 2012

I lost my mom in January.it is the worst pain in the world losing a loved one. I lost a baby 3 years ago and I feel my world is empty and shattered. Sorry for your loss rip Spencer.

Chrystal webster

March 27, 2012

Seupel family:
You have my deepest sympathy. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Liz

March 21, 2012

My prayers go out to you. I know exactly how you feel. My son took his own life at the age of 37 on June 27th of last year. Part of me has died along with him,so I feel for you. I hope you have a strong faith to get you through the pain. From the bottom of my heart I am so sorry.

Diane Piccone

March 20, 2012

to be able to compose this letter shows what a genuinely caring person you are.Spencer must have loved you very much. My heart hurts for you--know you are in my prayers. Roseann Secchia

roseann secchia

March 20, 2012

I never lost a child ,but may god be with you and you're family

pam morgan

March 17, 2012

Peace Be with you and yours today and forever more.

Charlie Murray

March 17, 2012

Your are a very brave family. So so so sorry for your loss. My family went through the same thing last summer. While on vacation, my 15 year old daughter took her life. It was a complete shock, it still is. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

Janine White

March 16, 2012

Thank you for sharing your story. As a mother I am so sorry for your loss. I too can relate to the bullying and it's a shame that these things aren't being taught in some homes and because of that some of our children are committing suicide. I pray that your son is at peace and that God gives you the peace and strength to carry on. God bless.

Laura Carr

March 15, 2012

Thank you for sharing this story-I did not know Spencer-But I also lost a son to sucide-my heart breaks for you and your Family-But most of all --Spencer-May he find the peace where he has gone to-that he never could here on earth
May you all find peace within your hearts- and know-some times there are no answers- as to why---or If only I had ???there is just a hole where we have lost a loved one
Bless you all
Sincerly
Maggie

March 13, 2012

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