 SIMPSON RAEANIN COLLEEN Jan. 22, 1979 to August 23, 2004 Dear Raeanin, The phone call came two days ago from a police officer in San Diego. He asked me if I was Raeanin's mother. I quickly responded "Yes", I've been so worried about her. I know she's been involved with drugs." I said it with a huge sense of relief, hoping you'd been caught on some offense, so that we could do something, anything about getting you into a detoxification program, and move forward. We had discussed in length, any ideas we could think of, including kidnaping you. The officer continued, "I'm sorry, this is the worse kind of phone call we have to make to parents." I immediately knew what was coming and cried out and sobbed, "No! No! He continued, "Your daughter Raeanin, was found deceased..." I broke and asked him between sobs to call your father who lives so near you in San Diego. Our house became a place of wailing and intense grief as your youngest two siblings, 19 and 10 years old, and then your brother who was closest to you in age, now in his third year at university, were given the news. The circle of grief escalated as the rest of the family was contacted and close friends. I felt incapacitated by the grief, as if captured by a horrible storm of emotion, a whirlwind I could not escape from. We grieve so terribly for your beautiful young life, ruined and destroyed by the so called "drug culture." It is a damnable thing. It is beneath anything closely connected to the meaning of culture. It is the gutter, the fecal matter of our society. It altered your emotional health, it demeaned you so quickly, and the emotional pain you felt at what your life centered on became unbearable. You took your life and left us all behind in such terrible grief and sorrow. Oh, how we all loved you! From the moment you were born you were a child of light and sparkle and joy. You danced through life. You were the little girl who put happy rainbows in bright colors on all your kindergarten and first grade papers. You were precocious and delightful. And you were so kind to others, never mean spirited. You enjoyed successes along the way. You had the promise of the future ahead. Where are you now, my precious child? And the fools of society want to legalize drugs? Damn them all! It's not about whether the drugs are legal or not, what a punitive and convenient red herring to divert our attention from the real matters. It's about the addiction, the disorientation, the subhuman behavior, the destruction of relationships, the abuse to women and children, the cost to maintain, the degrading behavior, and perhaps most of all, the complete lack of productivity and contribution to the human family to which we belong. And it's about losing you. In one of the most beautiful cities in America, where ocean and sunshine could lift your soul, where your Dad, who you were close to, lived near by. We thought we had a good support system in place for you, Raeanin. Drugs are a lie. They are the most fake, prostitute way of having fun and dealing with problems we face as part and parcel of our adult lives. I am here today to go with your father to have your body released to us. You were alone in death for close to a week after you took your life. Your body was too decomposed to view. I begged the coroner to cover you and just let me touch a hand, something to say goodbye. It wasn't possible. I asked for a lock of hair and they will grant me that. Oh, how I just want to just hold you and hug you! Your body will be cremated and taken home to where most of your happy, carefree childhood years were spent. And we will gather, your family and friends to celebrate the person we so love and together, to mourn our loss. Will we get over it in a few days? A week? A month? No, we will never be the same. Raeanin, I feel you all around me, that delightful, elfish, spirit, that beautiful, compelling personality. May your heart and mind now be at peace. I love you forever, Mom Please sign the guest book at obituaries.uniontrib.com
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Published in The San Diego Union Tribune on Sept. 2, 2004
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