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Jay Gelzer Obituary
When I die
I want my bones to smell like
spring rain
and shine like the moon.
In fact, I want that now.
Jay died on her beloved house boat, departing as she had wished - on her own terms and cradled in the hearts and minds of those who knew and loved her. Heartfelt thanks to Drs. Kristine Rinn, Jed Gorden, and Terry Law and to Seattle's Providence Hospice. Everlasting gratitude to Gretchen de Roche of Compassion and Choice of Washington.
Jay was an inspired and remarkable psychotherapist, an extraordinary mother, a writer, a thinker, a poet, a Pea Patch gardener, an interrupted musician, and an ardent lover of life, beauty, and the creative experience. She was a rare and exotic flower -- beautiful, ferociously bright, passionate, private, sensitive, and deeply spiritual.
Although hardship and loss dogged the last third of her almost seventy years, Jay gave no quarter, steely in her determination to live life with hope, wonder, and mastery.
Sunny morning
even the scraps
beautiful in the bowl.
Jay was predeceased by her beloved son Connor and is survived by her bereft and loving family, mother, Helen Baker Gelzer, sisters Barbara Perry Gelzer, Helen G. Kupka, Katherine G. Murphy, and dear friend, Jean Star Wald Dinaburg.
Here we go, slipping into the last pool of
silence!
To plant trees in memory, please visit the Sympathy Store.
Memories and Condolences
for Jay Gelzer
Jeffrey Ladd
July 28, 2025
In loving gratitude for your endless time and good care.
Susan Brown
January 14, 2020
Jay, your sisters in Mensa of Western Washington miss your wiseness and beauty. Bon Voyage.
Carol F.
February 18, 2013
"It's not what you take when you leave this world...It is what you leave behind you when you go." (Randy Travis)
Mary Jane Golden
January 27, 2013
Dear Family and Friends of Jay,
Please know I am holding you close in thought and prayer as you find your way through the loss of this lovely, gentle woman. The written words and her photo in the obituary perfectly described Jay; indeed, a genuine tribute to her.
Peggy Heinrich
January 26, 2013
I only crossed paths with Jay twice in the last few years. Both times I felt an immediate connection. The second time was only 3 or 4 months ago, at the Haiku Conference at Asilomar. We had time to talk one-on-one for an hour or so and decided to try to reconnect on my next visit to Seattle.
I was so impressed by her spirit, insights and warmth. I am struck by how much her loss has saddened me.
Jay on her houseboat 6/22/12
Karnig Beylikjian
January 24, 2013
Well, it has taken me some time to write here. So many preceding me have said it very well. I knew Jay since 1969 and my last visit with her in June of 2012 was extra ordinary! She was a Renaissance woman cut from the cloth of Joan of Arc! Brilliantly intelligent, compassionate, musically creative, elegant, steadfast in her commitments(her son and patients and friends), private, a spiritual warrior, inspirational, and simply a wonderful soul! I cannot say enough. I was /am so proud of her. Godspeed, dear, dear friend.
Jay on her houseboat in June 2012
Karnig Beylikjian
January 24, 2013
January 23, 2013
Jay, our dearest neighbor, you're forever alive in our hearts, we'll always look at flowers and trees with your eye. Let's please stay neighbors up there too. The yellow boat...currently drifted to Prague.
Aaron Laing
January 22, 2013
Jay, I am blessed to have known you and blessed to have had the opportunity to say goodbye. You and Connor have been a part of my family for the past 14 years. I miss you each dearly, and I am better for having known you and grown up around you. Thank you for leading by example, with your grace, poise, honesty, wit and kindness. And thank you again for allowing me to open my heart and say goodbye.
January 21, 2013
Sweet Jay, Thank you for trusting me to lay my hands on you. I felt your beauty and your sensitivity. You also were healing me with your openness that came to me with such an open heart. One of the last things you told me was to never give up if I could enjoy the sun on my face and to be able to take a breath. I was hoping to have more time with you, but will never forget you. I was lucky to have intimate space with you and feel blessed.
Jay and Connor at High School Graduation
Helen Gelzer Kupka
January 21, 2013
Eric Christianson
January 20, 2013
Jay entered my life when it was filled with pain and darkness and journeyed with me step by step, affirming and insisting upon my goodness. I remember wishing privately that she was my mother, knowing it to be impossible and hoping that she wished I was an adopted son. In my last conversation with her on 12/17, we agreed to continue our talks "up there" or wherever you go and she said that she would like that. Here's my hug to you Jay, that I was too shy to ask for, but I knew to be the most honest ending to our friendship.
Carol Ford
January 20, 2013
Dear Friend -
Year after year YOU were the gift! I will never forget. Here - now - I honor your eternal love, life and light. With my love, Carol
"As torrents in summer, half dried in their channels, suddenly rise, tho' the sky is still cloudless, for rain has been falling far off at their fountains; so hearts that are fainting grow full to overflowing, and they that behold it, marvel, and know not that God at their fountains far off has been raining!" Elgar
January 20, 2013
You inform me, treasured friend and therapist. The knowings you enlightened will serve many for decades, at the very least.
Roberta Nestaas
January 20, 2013
Just yesterday several of us who walk together on Saturdays sadly learned of Jay's passing. It was a comfort then to read the beautiful obituary in today's paper. She tried valiantly to rejoin us a couple of years ago but her unbelievably tragic health problems intervened once again. We found her courage daunting and her spirit fiercely positive and inspiring. We are relieved the struggle is over but miss her.
Robin Dalmas
January 20, 2013
Life hurled so much abuse at Jay -- hip surgery gone wrong, breast cancer, the unbelievably tragic loss of her son just as he was turning his life around and the mother-son bond was blossoming anew. Life was so unfair to Jay, yet she always rose above it with wisdom and self-effacing humor. I'm reminded of a hike we took together. Even though she was still hobbling a bit from hip surgery gone awry, we walked through an old-growth forest of 800-year-old Douglas firs on Vancouver Island. Jay was like one of those beautiful stately trees. She towered above the darkness, dignified, gracious, and undeterred by the endless succession of storms in her life. She was a role model whom I will sorely miss.
Claire Anderson
January 20, 2013
Jay,
I will always remember your strength, courage, and sense of humor in the face of difficult times.
Claire Anderson
Jean Wald Dinaburg
January 20, 2013
Jay died on 12/29. Diagnosed with an untreatable tumor 16 days before, she thought she would have at least several months. Instead, caught up in a horrific avalanche that tore her away, Jay did not have time to say her goodbyes. It was a comfort to her to know that she was so valued.
jay found herself torn away by a monstrous avalanche.
January 20, 2013
Whoever I am is due to you.
Susan Brown
January 20, 2013
Friend and sister, you are an inspiration to us all. We miss your deep insights and thoughtful observations. Bon Voyage.
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