BRUCE HERBERT CONLEY

1950 - 2010

Bruce H. Conley, 60, of Kaneville, Ill., passed away Saturday, Sept. 11, 2010, at his home, surrounded by his loving family.
Born April 13, 1950, in Elburn, to Charles and Winifred (McMurray) Conley. Bruce would "hunt tigers," play cowboys and Indians and spend hours swinging in his grandparent's backyard, where sometimes he could be heard singing, "O, My Papa." Hay fever and allergies limited his outdoors activities and may have helped him learn to express himself through music and writing. He worked hard to overcome his stammering. Bruce attended Elburn Grade and Kaneland High schools, where he excelled in music and graduated in 1968. He attended North Central College, Naperville, where he majored in music.
During his senior year in high school, Bruce began training as an aid at Delnor Hospital in St. Charles, where Kristine McConnaughay, a junior at St. Charles High School, quickly caught his eye and heart. After his freshman year at North Central, Bruce transferred to Southern Illinois University, Carbondale, where he began studies in Mortuary Science. Subsequently, he studied psychology at Wisconsin State University, Whitewater, Wis., and mass communication at Northern Illinois University, DeKalb, before entering the U.S. Army Reserve in 1971. He returned home and was employed as an on-air announcer at WKKD-FM in Aurora.
On Oct. 7, 1972, Bruce and Kris were united in marriage at Bethlehem Lutheran Church in St. Charles. They settled into their home in Elburn and Bruce returned to his mortuary science studies at Worsham College, Chicago, graduating in 1973, and joined his parents as the third generation in the family business. On Oct. 11, 1976, Bruce and Kris were blessed with the birth of their son, Benjamin Hale. On Feb. 1, 1982, the birth of their daughter, Sarah Louise, made their family complete. In 1983, when the opportunity arose to obtain the Reeves house, Bruce moved his family across the backyard to their new home on Main Street.
Throughout his career, Bruce was passionate about helping grieving children; in 1975 he penned "Butterflies, Grandpa & Me," a coloring book illustrated by his sister, Karen, to help explain death, grief and the funeral and used by funeral homes, churches and hospice programs, along with his later books, "Handling the Holidays" and "Plain Paper Poems." Bruce also wrote a number of pamphlets, several of which were translated and used in bereavement groups in South Africa. His publications, produced by Conley Publications, are used by those who are dedicated to helping grieving families.
Bruce was instrumental in the founding of Compassionate Friends, Survivors of Suicide, the Widowed Persons Service, Fox Valley Hospice and later, DeKalb County Hospice, among other programs.
In 1983, he founded Elburn's first counseling center, which grew to become Conley Outreach Community Services, incorporated as a nonprofit in 1995. Bruce was always keenly aware that death brought with it many changes in the lives of families he served and saw grief care as something that needed to go hand in hand with community services.
In fall 1985, Bruce took on the challenge of saving the old Elburn Elementary School as a community center. With the help of others, he founded the Elburn and Countryside Community Center, a nonprofit. Without tax or municipal support, it became a business incubator while saving the gym and playground for the children of the community.
In 1995, he led the first conclave between the National Hospice Organization and the National Funeral Directors Association and in 1998 he chaired the Association for Death Education and Counseling national conference in Chicago. His passion for bringing programs and services to the rural community substantially expanded the program. In 2001, Bruce joined visions with Dr. Michael Mangis and Dr. Donald Preussler of Wheaton College to create the Center for Rural Psychology, which became Heartland Counseling.
In 2005, Bruce and Kris moved from Elburn to make their home at the Conley Outreach Farm in Kaneville. Bruce loved the quiet beauty of the farm, peaceful babble of the creek and the glory of countless sunrises and sunsets.
Bruce took his work and his care to schools, churches and homes, wherever he was needed. When tragedy struck in local schools he responded, with guidance for teachers, students and parents alike, helping them to create meaningful and healing goodbyes.
Bruce was a member of the Illinois Funeral Directors Association, the National Funeral Directors Association, ADEC, Blackberry Lodge 630, AF & AM, Elburn and the Community Congregational Church, Elburn.
Bruce and Kris' love story was nurtured by, and grew with, faith and loving family ties, enriched and strengthened by an unshakable belief in God's plan for their lives. Bruce wrote countless songs and stories that left special memories in the hearts of his family. There were songs of faith, for travel and adventure. His most recent song, "My Offering, The Vision," was penned in the last days of his life. Life values were a part of bedtime stories and evening prayers and life lessons were taught by example. When their parents faced serious health concerns, Bruce and Kris made room for them as well. Young people always found the door open both in times of fun and times of difficulty.
Bruce loved children and spent many years developing programs to help and to teach. He was a much-loved uncle and a devoted grandpa who was never afraid to get down to the "kids'" level, join in the fun, jump in the pool, and be as boisterous and hilarious as they were. He had special greetings for each one and always a "Ding-how" when they left. He wrote songs for each one and a Christmas story, "Bethlehem Kids," which his grandchildren and other children who held a special place in his heart. Perhaps the greatest gift was the lap that always had room for one more, the arms that embraced each child, the unconditional love and prayers that blessed each child.
Bruce leaves his devoted, loving wife, Kris; his son, Ben (C.J.) Conley of Sugar Grove; his daughter, Sarah Conley of Seattle, Wash.; four beloved grandchildren, who were the delight and sunshine of his life, Andy, Em, Matt and Mikey Conley; his sister, Karen (Les) Howard; his niece, Sheila (Phillip) Albano and children, Nick and Katherine, and his nephew, Bill Howard, all of Elburn; and his sister-in-law, Karen (Bill) Wootton of Geneva and son, Daniel Wootton, all of Geneva; and his aunts and uncle, Ruth McCloud and Ralph (Ferne) Conley, all of Batavia. In addition, he leaves an extended family of cousins and their families, a devoted family of staff, who have shared so much of themselves with him; and a countless host of friends whose lives have touched his through the years. Lastly, he leaves to those he loved these words: "the job of the visionary is to place the vision so that others can grab hold and then make it their own."
He was preceded in death by one child in infancy; his parents, Charles and Winifred Conley; one brother, Wayne, in infancy; his paternal and maternal grandparents; his father- and mother-in-law, Lloyd and Gladys McConnaughay; and one uncle, George McCloud.
A service to celebrate Bruce's life will be held at 10 a.m. Friday, Sept. 17, at Orchard Community Church, 101 S. Barnes Road, Aurora; Pastor Kathy Lawes, a longtime family friend, will officiate. Interment will follow at Blackberry Cemetery, Elburn. Visitation will be held from 2-8 p.m. Thursday, Sept. 16, at Orchard Community Church.
A memorial has been established in his name to benefit Conley Outreach. Checks can be made to Conley Outreach or the Bruce Conley Memorial Fund and mailed in care of P.O. Box 66, Elburn, IL 60119.
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