Donald C. Oakley

Don was the love of my youth. We were married for ten years. We met at the Naval Station at 32nd St. in San Diego and were immediately drawn to each other. We spent many happy years in San Diego, Taiwan, Oak Harbor, and Seattle. Ultimately our great age difference may have done us in, but we never stopped caring about each other, even though we lost touch. I was a proud stepmother for those years and adored those children. I still think of them and all the fun we had, and all they taught me about caring about family. I hope they are all very well. I'm glad that Don had so many loving friends as he got older. Don loved and appreciated people, and I'm glad they loved him in return.

Where to start when remembering a man as complicated and incredible as Don Oakely? He had a difficult childhood, but made up for it with many accomplishments in his adult life. He was a brilliant man, an intellectual, a scholar, a teacher, a mentor, an athlete and a total goofball some of the time! His early career as a Navy chaplain forced him to confront his fear of heights--serving on Aircraft Carriers underway required that he arrive in a basket suspended under a helicopter and be delivered onto the deck of the ship in rolling seas. One year he "Wintered Over"� in Antarctica, and had a glacier named after him. His Navy career gave him the opportunity to earn his PhD in Clinical Psychology, which he practiced in Seattle for several years. While in his 50's, he began participating in Marathons and Triathlons. He continued to work out and walked for miles every day after his body could no long support his running. When he finally retired in his late 60's he decided to keep his mind active by learning a new skill every year. The first skill he tried was Ballroom Dancing, and he discovered that there was so much to learn, he could stick with that indefinitely. He became quite an accomplished dancer, and was always in demand as a partner at the Washington Dance Club. He loved the physicality of dance, the challenges, and especially the contact with so many women of all ages! That is where I met him. Despite our 20-year age difference, we developed a deep love for each other, for dancing and for the friends we made there. He introduced me to hiking in Zion Canyon, Utah, a place of deep inspiration for him. We travelled for dance competitions, and to visit both of our families, among other places. I learned a great deal from him--things most women never learn about how men really think, and what they want. He taught me that humans absolutely MUST make mistakes in our lives--that is how we learn--so we need to practice self-forgiveness. Those insights have helped me in my counseling career and personal life since then. Finally, his complicated and amazing brain "attacked him"�, as he referred to the stroke which caused right-sided weakness and ended the independence of his life as he had known it. He had a stay in an assisted living facility, tried going back to his condo to live, but age was winning, finally, and he needed the care of his family in Tennessee to support him the rest of his life. I am happy to know his death was peaceful. I miss him.

Don was a lover of life, a man with a very generous spirit, bright intellect and a whacky sense of humor. I was one of those “girlfriends” Susan Donovan referred to in her guest book entry. I was a friend who was a woman. But he referred to all of us as “his girls.” Don was a remarkable man. After retiring from service as a U.S. Navy chaplain he worked for many years as a psychologist in private practice. In his seventies he took up ballroom dancing to become a competitive dancer, and also competed in triathlons until a stroke limited his activities. It was hard to say goodbye to him when his family moved him to Tennessee to care for him. I will continue to miss him. His family reports that he kept his sense of humor to the end and died peacefully in his sleep.

This has to be the same Don Oakley who I met in 2002 after he had suffered a stroke, returned back to his condo and was brought to tour Northshore House(NSH), an assisted living community in Kenmore, WA. Don's concerned girlfriends were intent on finding a backup plan to help Don while everyone was at work, even if it was just for a few months. Well after we all toured and had lunch, Don shared that the community was lovely, I was lovely and having help 24/7 was terrific but he was much better off than my older residents...he was different. I couldn't agree more!!! I told Don he was absolutely correct AND asked him to consider that if he agreed to live with us, he then would have to be the STUD of the community--younger, cuter---when was the last time that happened??? Don agreed I had a point there and so he moved into NSH shortly after. What followed was one of the most memorable experiences in my now 9 year career in the senior industry. Don blossomed with the care, attention, recognition and respect that he so deserved. We, the staff and the residents fell hard for the athlete, ballroom dancer, intellectual, lover of life and women! I cried the day he moved back to his condo and then again when he was seriously injured by a car that ended the condo plan. I went to the hospital to see him and the look on his face is one that made me realize that he was so much more than a resident, he was an important ageless friend. When he left to go to TN, I was so pleased that he would be with his family and I always kept an extra label from his file that had his name on it in my desk drawer. That label has traveled with me to three more communities and just last week when I was organizing my drawers, I came across it and had to smile. Then reading the Seattle Times a few days later I came across his obituary. I am so honored to have been a small part of his life. Observing Don overcome his obstacles at NSH was life changing. I am a better person for knowing the one and only Don Oakley.

All the Best to All of You!

Sue Donovan