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Larry Gross Obituary
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Memories and Condolences
for Larry Gross
Arthur Ray GROSS
May 15, 2022
Arthur Ray GROSS
May 15, 2022
Arthur Ray GROSS
May 15, 2022
Larry's favorite song was "Out There is your World" by Wynn Stewart as sister Ann referenced in her remarks.
The Wake held on 11 April by about 300 of his closest friends was a real tear Jerker for me as I was the Photographer.
As he sang his song the Last Time for his friends I took many pictures but had to shoot on Auto because I could not see through my tears. The event was held at the Sportsman's Hall in Modesto, California.
Larry died six weeks later. RIP Brother.
Arthur Ray GROSS
May 15, 2022
Larry would drive the tractor all day long. As the firstborn he was expected to be a man while very young. I consider the tractor to be an icon of his lost childhood. abt 1947 when he was 10.
Uncle Ray Archives 308_2. ARG Arthur Ray Gross.
February 26, 2011
love you dad!! sure need'n a hug from my daddy today....
barbara diane
ANN PATTERSON
July 9, 2010
I just received word that my older brother, Larry, passed from this physical life to life's spiritual side. Before entering a California Hospice two days ago, he told his family that he was ready to go. Now, he has gone.
I am grateful for my good memories of Larry for we had over 71 years together. Our years growing up together in Oklahoma gave me hundreds of memories of him having fun, working hard, and helping make life good for Mom. He did that so well.
Yes, I will miss him.
Have a great journey, Larry.
Ann
Since writing the above words, I have thought about my brother and life's moments that we shared for almost 72 years. This year, when I turn 72 on August 5, 2010, I will be reminded that every year of our lives, I was the same age that he was for four days. We laughed and teased about that often, especially during our teenage years, a time when age means so much. He couldn't be the oldest those four days and I thought it great to be his 'twin".
Larry always seemed older beyond his years. Being a year older than I, allowed him to have clear memories of days with our youngest brother, Donald Gene, who lived only 8 months. With mother having five children under 6 years to care for during those 8 months, Larry enjoyed being "big brother" to the baby. Neither I, nor Linda and Ray ever had clear memories of our youngest brother. I think I envied him that because my only memory was being too small to see into the the high casket while Mom and others were crying.
By the time I started first grade in a small, rural two-room schoolhouse, Scoby School at Paoli, Oklahoma, Larry had already finished first grade in Santa Paula, California. I might have joined him in the California school, but that was the year when Pearl Harbor was bombed by the military of Japan's Emperor, Hirihito, and World War II began. Daddy joined the Navy and it was up to Mom to pack the family bags and take them on a train back to Oklahoma to be with family during his wartime absence. I am quite sure that she appreciated Larry's help on that long journey in a train crowded with similar families and members of America's military who shared chocolate candy with kids like the four of us.
I guess I was a good reader by the time I was in third grade where Mrs. Azalee Thomas was my teacher and Mr. Aud Thomas was Larry's teacher. He had been our mother's eighth grade teacher a few years earlier. He did something no teacher would ever do now and that was to shame Larry and his friend, Pete, by having me read to the class after he had them read. He thought that if Larry knew that his younger sister could read better than he could, that Larry would try harder. As far as I know, Larry was always a good reader and a good student, even in high school when he would blame the lack of book reports on the problem that "my dog ate my homework." He had another trick too: from day-one, he wrote his own absentee notes since his handwriting was so like Daddy's was, only slightly easier to read.
The years of World War II seemed so long for us. Fortunately we lived a short distance just down the hill from school and just over two miles from our maternal grandparents whom we called "Grandmother and Papa ("poppa")" as those names seemed to be the tradition for that side of the family. Years later, when Larry became a grandfather, he asked that he be called "Papa" by them.
As I recall, Larry always had a girlfriend in school, even in first grade. I can remember our uncles always asking him and teasing him about his girlfriends during those early years. My best friend, Anne Watley, in third grade became his girlfriend. And after a few more years, my best friend in tenth grade, Evelyn Wheaton, became his girlfriend. He married her. I guess he figured that I picked some pretty good friends so he capitalized on the fact. He and Evelyn married in 1955 in Reno, Nevada, after his high school graduation.
From his early years, Larry was called on to "be the man of the house" which Daddy probably said to him before the war---as most fathers say to their sons when they leave for war or divorce or other longterm event. Even after the war was over, Larry still seemed to live that role. I can remember that when he was in fifth grade, he drove our big, red Farmall tractor and cultivated the peanut crop. He seemed so tiny on that huge tractor with so much responsibility. Actually, that seemed to be the way he lived his whole life, as if he always had to be "the responsible one". Life is not very easy when that's the role assigned to you, no matter what.
If there was one event in the history of the world that had a major influence on my brother and all of our family, it was World War II. Like most of his WWII brothers who also served in the war, our father came home an alcoholic. Although we learned later in life that alcoholism is a disease, we sometimes felt the pain of it in real life. During those years when alcohol invaded our home, there were occasions that the alcohol caused our father to be mean to our mother.
Those were the times that Larry seemed to feel that it was his responsibility to protect mother and help his siblings from being hurt. As in so many homes where alcoholism exists, there are both sad and happy times. Fortunately, most of those days were happy and unmarred by alcohol but its invasion did cause some heartache. I know Larry, like the rest of us, felt the sadness and anger along with days of happy and love with Daddy's place in our lives. Daddy was always proud of Larry and supported him in every venture of his life until he died suddenly when Larry was a young 28 year old man with 4 children. Larry learned his trade from Daddy and was still finishing concrete projects well into his senior years.
All of his life, Larry felt the burden of our mother's dependence on him as '"the responsible one" as her "little man" and it was always clear to me that her depending on him so much was in fact, a burden. Whenever anything bad happened in her life, she always looked around for Larry or sought to find him. Even when her father died, at the moment she heard the news, it didn't matter that I was four feet away to share that sudden sorrow, but she immediately called out for "Larry" and began to make phone calls to find him to share that loss. Although I always understood her dependence on him as her shoulder to lean on, it wasn't always easy for me in those moments; and, I know that it wasn't easy on him to have that role. Even the years when he lived two hours away, she maintained that dependence and, as he indicated to me one day, he wished she would spread that dependence onto all four of her adult children equally. It has been suggested to me that other sons of WWII fathers often were given a similar role in their own families. Being close is a joy, but can also be a burden. Having never spent much time around my brother as adults, I don't know how that role in our family influenced Larry's role as a husband and father.
During our pre-teen years in rural Oklahoma schools, Larry seemed to always have fun. He and his friend, Bill DeArmen, joined in creating events that could drive a schoolmarm crazy. As seventh graders at Moore School, near Paoli, they started a snowball fight the day of the season's first wonderful snowfall. They started throwing snowballs up and over the board fence that surrounded the girls outdoor toilet. Their girlfriends, my friend Anne and my sister Linda, then threw the snowballs back. Soon there was a real snow-war against the boys and the girls of all ages.
The playground was almost too noisy for 35 students to hear the bells ring before the end of the noon hour. Everyone was in trouble and the schoolmarms, Mrs. Sterling and Mrs. Randolph, decided that students could choose to get a paddling or write "I will not throw snowballs in school" 200 times. All the boys along with Anne, Linda, Anne's sister and I took the paddling. I believe it was 15 boys and 4 girls that Mrs. Sterling paddled that day. There was plenty of laughter all the way home as we re-lived the day. Larry and Bill were especially jovial that afternoon.
Larry and Bill could create havoc quite easily for Mrs. Sterling. One day while she was teaching English class for fifth graders, they kept talking and laughing so she sent them to go down by the boys outdoor toilet to get a switch so she could use it on them after school. They did as she demanded, and they brought back a very long and heavy limb from the willow tree. She didn't laugh. Then they brought back a small thin switch. Again, no laughter by Mrs. Sterling but lots from all students in fifth through eighth grade. She didn't laugh. Then they brought back a switchable switch which she used on them after school. The rest of us were waiting outside and they came out laughing. If truth be known, I bet Mrs. Sterling laughed about the event that evening with her family.
The afternoon of June 1951 held both joy and sadness for Larry because that was the day that Daddy came home from a year's absence and announced that we were moving to California. The sad part for Larry was that he was at that time in life and school where things were going well for him; and now, he would have to move away, all the way to California. That year he had starred on the Junior High basketball team and would be on the varsity high school team the next year. He had met a girlfriend that he really liked. Moving away was the last thing he wanted, but within two weeks, we were unpacking our belongings in Modesto, California.
School was important to all of us but our best friends were usually at church. By the time Larry was a Junior in high school, he had a car, a 1949 Mercury which was black and roomy. Saturday evenings early, our junior choir had practice at church. Afterwards, some of us filled Larry's black Mercury, and we sang rock and roll songs as Larry drove us to the drive-in where we could see two movies for $1.00 per carload.
That year I met a new friend at school who began to go to the same church as we did. It wasn't long before Evelyn Wheaton and her sister, Florence, began to sing in the junior choir. It wasn't long before Evelyn began to sit in the center front seat of that grand ole Mercury. Larry had found the girl of his dreams. Early one Sunday morning in 1955 the two of them arrived at our house to announce that they had gotten married in Reno, Nevada, the night before. Now, I wouldn't say that Mom and Dad were happy about that announcment, but they couldn't help but remember that they had done the same in December 1936. At that moment, I guess they felt exactly what their own parents might have felt those many years earlier. Like them, Larry and Evelyn had four children: Greg, Ken, Kathy & Barbara.
Larry always worked and he worked hard at any job he had. As would be expected, when he was nine, he picked more cotton every day than the rest of us did. He hoed more rows of cotton and corn too. One day Mom and the four of us had been hoeing the weeds and "Johnson grass" from our field of corn. It was really hard work. After we went to the house for the noon meal, Mom decided to stay at home and send us to hoe some rows without her.
On our way back to the cornfield, we had to crawl under the electric wire that was used to keep our cows in the pasture. Now, Larry knew that the shock caused by electric fences was usually intermitten rather than sustained. And, he knew that he liked to intimidate and challenge little sister Linda and little brother Ray. He dared Linda to touch the wire. She wouldn't. He dared her. She didn't. He double-dared her. She seemed to always take his dare, and especially his "double-dare". Problem was that when she touched it, it did not click off-and-on; it held her tight and she screamed. He then had to grab her and pull her hand off of the fence. Her hand was cut by the sharp barb on the fence. And, she cried all the way home, yelling at him for "being so mean." She didn't have to go hoe corn, but the rest of us did. Perhaps she won that day.
That wasn't the only time Larry dared either Linda or Ray to do something that he knew would hurt them. As in "The Christmas Story" movie, the year Ray was in first grade, we were walking across pastures and fields taking the railroad short-cut to see Grandmother and Papa. Larry dared Ray to touch his tongue to the iron railroad track. Ray took the dare and must have cried all the way to their house. His tongue was peeled. Like in the movie, some kids just can't turn down a double-dare! And, some kids liked to double-dare anyone anytime they think it might work!
Like many teenage boys with cars, Larry wasn't always easy for Mom and Dad to keep up with. First he owned a 1947 Chevy coupe with the open rumble seat on the back. It was small compared to the very big, black, 1949 Mercury. It held many teenagers who got into the drive-in theaters at $1.00 per carload. And, it had a really big back seat when only he and his girlfriend went to thost 1950's drive-ins.
Most of the time his whereabouts were unknown to Mom and Daddy unless he was at work. Mom often told the story of littl lost Larry of about age 4 who gave all of the family a scare one Saturday while she and her sisters were at Grandmother's laundry shed doing the washing of clothes for 14 family members. Everyone took time out to look for Larry around the house, yard, big barn, milking barn, tracter shed, and everywhere around the home area of the farm. Finally, after much worry, he was found by the trash barrel, one shoe off and fast asleep that warm Oklahoma summer day.
Because I moved from Oklahoma to Idaho after college and marriage, I did not spend much time with Larry and his family. He and his family spent many summers camping at an ancient lake, Pyramid Lake, where their families loved the sun and the water. Linda, my younger sister, and her family lived in Reno so they were the 'homebase' for those summer events. Larry and Evelyn divorced. A few years later he met Sharon, then divorced. And a few years later he met an old school chum who became his wife of decades. Marty was with him during his final painfilled months when cancer killed him.
Perhaps the most tragic of his family experiences was when schizophenia began its destruction of his oldest daughter during her twenties. At 16, she could have been a stand-in for actress Brooke Shields, but the disease caused the beautiful girl and personality to disappear into a damaged body and mind. Limited medical and social services for mentally ill patients were all but dissolved in California then, during actor Ronald Reagan's term as President; therefore, Kathy was often lost somewhere on the streets of California towns and she bore two children.
The first was a boy,who was raised by her monther-in-law in Northeastern Washington. The second was a lovely girl, Lori, who was raised by Larry and Marty. Sadly, her path went the same as her mother's so Larry's sister-in-law is parenting the precious little girl, while Larry and Marty have raised the equally precious little boy, Kenny.
Leaving little Kenny was the hardest thing that Larry had to endure during his last days. During his last visit with Kenny, he tried to explain about his dying. He told little Kenny, "When I go, you won't see me, but I am going to be an invisible angel on your shoulder watching out for you all the time.
At a "Tribute for Larry" arranged by our brother, Ray, that was held about 6 weeks before Larry's Spirit Journey, almost 300 friends arrived to share their moments, memories and tears with Larry. He amazed all of them by doing something that most everyone did not know he could or would ever do: He gathered his personal strength and went onstage to sing a solo of "goodbye" that expressed his message to them. I never heard my brother sing, but he touched the hearts of his friends with his solo that day. He sang, "Out There is Your World" which was recorded in the 1960's by country music star, Wynn Stewart.
The chorous of his song may indicate how he felt about his own tears that day as he saw the tears in the eyes of many who visited with him: "Hurry please leave me before I sit down and cry; The sooner the better, don't say goodbye; Out there in your world someday, you'll find It's lonesome in your world ... you're still welcome in mine."
I remember a saying about a well-know person who must have been like Larry. It was said, "He was a man with a million friends." I have often said that about Larry.
Bob Wheaton
June 18, 2010
Larry was married to Evelyn my sister when our father our only surviving parent passed away. They took my brother and I in and i never felt anything but a part of the family. This was in the late 50's to Mid 60's. I will always be grateful to him for this. I have fond memories of those years from boxing in the back yard to noisey times around the dinner table.Country music a staple we ate and lived with always. I will never forget the time he rotor tilled the back yard with a large gas tiller only to accidently hit reverse which drove him backward through the side fence. Larry jumped back up grabed the tiller like the horns on a bull and pushed the tiller and himself back through the fence like nothing had happened. I was laughing so hard i couldn't breath and it was a running joke for us both for a long time. I will cherish our last meeting as he left the hospital in Santa Clara we talked and said things that i needed to say like thank you for being there for me and my brother. It wasn't until later as a youhg man that i realized that this man the only father figure i had at the time was only 7 years older then me. A young man himself who "cowboyed up" to help raise two boys who remain eternally grateful.
Our deepest condolences to Marty and his children who call me Uncle.
June 15, 2010
although i had not seen larry in years he was always in my thoughts.larry took my brother and i in back in the early 60's after are parents had died. at that time he was married to my sis evelyn.he cared for us as if we were his own. i knew that larry always expected me to do my best at everything i did.i guess that is the reason i always respected him and in my own way loved him for his kindness and caring. he will be missed.
my wife marie and i would like to send our condolences to larry's family.
you are in our prayers
mike and marie wheaton
June 11, 2010
I Love You Dad !!
Love Barbara Diane
Ray Gross
June 8, 2010
Note:This is an approximation of the Eulogy I gave at The Memorial Service for my Big Brother, Larry Dwayne Gross.
On Behalf of our family I thank all of you for coming to celebrate the life of our friend and my Big Brother, Larry Dwayne Gross. First I would like to correct what Pastor Adrian Condit said. Sometimes the truth just ain't the truth. Yes, Larry was born in California but he was all Okie and damn proud of it. At his Tribute on April 11 hosted by Wendell Faulk and Sam Climer I took a picture of Larry and a Friend PROUDLY showing their Oklahoma belt buckles. He has been known to sing Merle Haggard's "Okie from Muskogee" at some inebriated moments.
Will Rogers, another great Okie once said "I never met a man I didn't like" Tex Ritter was called "the man with a million friends" and Larry called himself a "People Person." These are all good descriptions of Larry. Co-workers, customers and casual acquaintances soon became his friends. Customers of his California Saddlery, Cowboy Up, the Ranch, The Rendevous Club and other places became friends. Once I talked to a truck driver at The Ranch who said he came for the food but came back because he met Larry. Why was he so well liked? (Larry, not the truck driver)
As a bartender he heard lots of stuff but I never heard him pass it on or gossip. Kind of like a good priest hears Confession but dies with the secret. He followed the rule "If you can't say something nice, Don't".
Larry was the firstborn to a firstborn mother and the first grandchild of the Steward family. He was the first grandson to Grandad and Grandmoma Gross. All this first stuff meant he was burdened with heavy and unrealistic expectations and sure enough he exceeded them. As his nephew Jeff Phinney would say he "Manned up". In Marty Gross' living room she has a picture of 8 year old Larry sitting on a Farmall tractor. This was no photo op. He actually did a man's day's work on that tractor as an 8 year old. In later years I bought him a model Farmall Tractor like the one he drove. To me it was a symbol of his lost childhood as he manned up. We were all hard working Okies and Larry never slacked off or complained.
How many of you at this service finished cement with Larry? (about 10 hands raise) My dad was Wilburn George "Jack" Gross a renowned Finisher in these parts and he took me out at 15 and a young Larry Gross to finish with him. Since we were his sons expectations were high. Larry finished his last slab this time last year at the age of 72. Amazing!
No whining was another expectation. When Larry was about 8 we moved to a new farm and Larry came home from school crying and roughed up a bit. Dad gave him a whipping for losing the fight and ordered him to kick that kid's butt or come home for a second whipping. This went on for a week or so with Larry taking 2 Lickins daily. Then he came home one day running across the field excitedly yelling "I got him, I got him". A few weeks later Larry and Dad were visiting the Whatleys when the DeArmin family drove up and Dad got to meet the big 12 year old Larry had fought daily. He never complained. He just stepped up. (Dad later was ashamed for his behavior in this matter)
Another reason Larry was so well liked and widely respected was that he was so accepting and non-judgemental, much as Jesus is described. He just took everything in stride and kept on Truckin. Our father was not religious but he quoted "Judge not that ye be not judged" (John 8:7) and " But for the grace of God there go I"
He wasn't just a hard worker, he was also thinking ahead. When he was in the 5th or 6th grade at Randolph (a 2 room country school grades 1-8) he and another good okie boy screwed up and were sentenced to a whipping. The teacher sent them to a nearby willow tree to bring her the appropriate switches. They returned with tiny willow whips. The teacher said that tomorrow they would get good switches and conclude the matter. The next day they got good switches and took their lickin. On the way home they were laughing and having a gay old time. The teacher never knew they had worn 2 pairs of jeans for their switchin. Larry Gross was no ones dummy.
Larry was loyal to his family and The Brooklyn Dodgers. In the early 1950's we lived on North avenue north of Modesto on 2 acres. He loved Pee Wee Reese, Gil Hodges, Preacher Rowe, Jackie Robinson, Roy Campanella, Duke Snider and all those Brooklyn guys. He would pitch to me as the game was broadcast on a radio (circa 1953) and I believe he pretended to be Preacher Rowe. About October of 2009 he came out of surgery at Midnite and was met by me and Ken Gross, Larry's son. I was wearing a NY Yankees cap and even though Larry was still zonked out he manned up, snapped to and cursed "Damn Yankees". In the 90's I gave Larry a throwback cap from those old Brooklyn Dodgers. In 2008 Lea Hynes (my daughter) took a picture, (one of my favorites) of me with my big brother wearing that cap.
Now I will take a photo of you all for him.
Arthur Ray Gross, 5 june 2010
NOTE: A country music band played for him. His ashes and a photo I took of him at Sammy Climer's Place in 2008 was displayed on the altar. He was born 9 august 1937.
June 4, 2010
larry there are no words to say how much you will be missed Marty my heart grieves with you larry was one of a kind with all our love Mary, Virgil, Carmie ,Mike & lisa
rick
June 4, 2010
larry i should have told you this when you were alive i know D.L. norman cowboy and many others will truly miss you we loved you and will miss you you and Bud green are legends we had so much fun working for you was an adventure i have so much to say you will truly be missed by us Ricky &sherri Ingram
Jerry Poyner
June 4, 2010
From the Oklahoma Side of the Gross Family, we were not close to each other in our daily lives, but we were never very far way from our family roots. I had the pleasure of visiting Larry and family during his Tribute in April. I left very happy at the success of our brief family reunion.
I have a lot of work to do here in Oklahoma, to make sure my family remembers the California family. Best wishes to all of you and thanks for letting me be a small part of the family again.
janice jenkins
June 3, 2010
Marty -
I brings sadness to my heart to hear of Larry's passing. It's been many years since I've seen either of you, but hold many fond memories in my heart. I will never forget the laughter and good times I shared with Larry at places like Wheeler's West, The Ranch, The Cowboy Up, and many others. He always wore a smile and loved those close to him dearly. We have lost a friend, but Heaven has truly gained an angel. He will be missed by all who knew him, but will be joining friends who have gone on before. God bless you in your time of sorrow.
Janice Jenkins
Nancy McArthur
June 3, 2010
Uncle Larry was a man of view words, but when he chose to speak it was wise council. He loved his family and a good laugh. As a teenager I told him after I turned 21 I would share a drink with him at his bar. I don't think he actually believed I would. On my first visit after turning 21 I had mom(Ann) take me to the bar before going to Gran's house. I will never forget the look on his face of disbelief and pride. He introduced me to everyone in the bar. I told him I wanted to see him where he was comfortable and his element. I loved my Uncle Larry and would be there to share memories but have to attend my daughter's wedding. Marty, you have been a real blessing to my uncle and this family. Thank you for who you are and have always been. All my love to my family.
June 3, 2010
larry was a man who never saw a stanger and treated everyone with kindness i worked 4 larry at cowboy up and the storys he would tell always brought tears to my eyes from laffing i will miss you my friend brian powell
Tammy & Bill Ford
June 3, 2010
We have had the pleasure of talking to Larry at many occasions of mutual friends, the latest being at a party for our other recently departed friend Toni Trammell. Larry always had really funny stories to tell! Very sweet man, we will miss him.
Pat Wynn
June 3, 2010
My fondest memory of Larry was when I visited his California Saddlery Shop in Sacramento. He was truly in his element as he warmly greeted new and faithful customers and always added a personal touch or story to the products he was selling. The day I was there, I purchased a silver Crumrine belt buckle and matching tie clasp. He gave me a nice discount and told me that buckle would last a lifetime. I don't "cowboy up" very much anymore, but when I do, I proudly slip on my Stewart boots and wear that Crumrine belt buckle, fondly remembering the quiet, country gentleman who sold it to me. My sincere sympathy to Larry's family and friends.
June 2, 2010
As a child I grew up in the neighborhood where Larrys mom lived. We referred to her as "Granny Gross". I can still remember Larry as a very nice man, who,was always nice to me. May his family find confort in their memories of him. Judy Vallotton Skeen
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