How to Plan a Party-Style Funeral

“When I die, I don’t want my friends to have a funeral and be sad. I want them to throw a great party and play all my favorite songs and talk about all the fun we had.”

Have you ever heard anyone say something like that? Or maybe you’ve said it yourself? It’s a popular sentiment these days. As our society becomes less religious, fewer people want a traditional church funeral. And for some people, the very best send-off is one that they would have loved to attend themselves: a big party.

Whether you’re pre-planning your own funeral or making funeral arrangements for a loved one, you can plan a funeral that’s a lot more like a party. Here are a few tips to consider while you plan:

Pick the right location.

There are all kinds of places where you can throw a party. You can tailor your choice to be just right for the deceased. One option is to have a memorial service at a restaurant or bar. Someone who loves hosting parties might want to bring this funeral to their home. An unconventional venue like a bowling alley or an historic mansion might suit some people best.

But don’t discount the possibility of having a party-style funeral at a funeral home. Many modern funeral directors are updating their buildings to include vibrant and comfortable spaces perfectly suited for this kind of funeral. One big benefit of opting for a funeral home is that it’s one of the most feasible places to have a funeral with the body present. If that’s important to you, you should shop around for a local funeral home that has the right kind of facilities for the party you’re envisioning.

Provide food and drinks.

If this is going to be a party, then you’ll need to feed your guests. You can use a caterer; the funeral home might be able to recommend one they often work with. Or friends and family can do the cooking. You might even have a potluck if that was the deceased’s style.

Alcoholic drinks will be the right choice at some parties and not at others. You can base this decision on the deceased’s personal style. For some, a toast with a fine bourbon is practically a requirement. But Diet Cokes all around might be the best way to honor a life for others. Keep your guests’ needs in mind too. Be sure to provide a variety of choices, and always include nonalcoholic options.

Music is a must.

One thing funerals and parties have in common is music, so your party-style funeral should absolutely include it. It could be in the background or front and center with live performances, or a mixture of both. But the most important thing is that you keep it focused on the deceased’s favorite tunes. Music provides a deep emotional experience that can be crucial to a funeral. Listening to songs that remind you of your loved one will help you grieve and remember, even as you happily celebrate their life.

Don’t forget the speeches.

You may be throwing a party, but don’t forget who you’re honoring. It’s important to preserve some of the elements of a funeral service, and speeches are key. Friends and family will want to share their favorite memories of a life well lived. Just like at any other funeral, you can designate a few people to talk or you can open the floor to anyone who wants to step up and share a story.

Keep the atmosphere light.

This can be a tall order. But if you’re gathered to remember someone who expressly wanted to be remembered with a party, then you do your best to respect that wish. If you’re planning speeches ahead of time, ask any speakers to focus on happy stories. If it’s workable for you to wait a bit and not hold this gathering immediately after the death, the guests’ grief might not be as raw. Now, as hard as you may try to keep things bright, the party is likely to be tinged with sadness anyway. But you can use music and other atmospheric touches to help guests celebrate a life in a happy way.

Consider offering party favors.

You might want to send your guests home with something that will always remind them of the deceased. If you’re honoring a music lover, you could offer a playlist of their favorite songs as a party favor, either on a burned CD or a thumb drive. Another easy party favor to put together would be a selection of a few favorite snacks. If everyone associated the deceased with peanut M&Ms or a specific kind of mints, send guests home with a few to munch on as they remember.

For a more elaborate but deeply meaningful party favor, you could use a photo-printing service to create small photo books featuring a few memorable pictures of your loved one. If the deceased was creative, send guests home with a beautifully printed copy of a poem they wrote or a drawing they made. If they were wise, create a small booklet with their best life advice. A tangible thing to leave the service with, tailored to fit the person you’re honoring, will help friends and family remember and grieve.

Be prepared for your own emotions.

While you’re in the heart of this fun party remembering a wonderful person, you might not have time to feel much sadness. You might even be actively working to keep a smile on your face to honor your loved one’s wishes. But when the party is over and the guests go home, your grief may come rushing back. It’s not a disservice to your loved one to feel those feelings. Happy memories and devastating sadness are completely intertwined after a death. The party is a great way to remember a beloved person, but you honor them with your grief, too.

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