The death of a partner or spouse is devastating, whether you’ve been together five months or five decades.
Q: “I only had the love of my life for a mere 5 months … I never got to say I love you or goodbye, this pain is so bad I can’t function and I want to get through this but how do I and when will I be able to stop grieving?”
Relationships are made up of both time and intensity. Some people may try to minimize your grief based on the relatively short length of the relationship. But when someone uses the phrase, “love of my life,” we know that means there was/is a great deal of emotional intensity attached to the relationship. Also, we believe that all grief or loss is experienced at 100 percent—and that your heart is totally broken.
Are you grieving the loss of a partner or spouse? Find comfort in our grief support group.
Compounding the pain of his death for you is the absence of one last “I love you” and “Goodbye,” even though if you’d had a chance to see him and say those things, you’d still be devastated.
The question isn’t when do you stop grieving, it’s when do you start taking the actions of grief recovery that will help you become emotionally complete, which in turn will allow you to function in life.
The actions that can help you are detailed in “The Grief Recovery Handbook” (available in most libraries and bookstores). Get a copy, start reading it, and start taking the actions. Don’t wait.
Sadly, we can’t bring him back, but we can help you get your heart back, and allow the fond memories you have to go forward with you. As you do this, the grieving will subside, but you will still have the capacity for sadness and joy about him, and about the other relationships you have with people in your life. The option we want to diminish is the pain.
We hope this helps.
From our hearts to yours,
Russell Friedman And John W. James
© 2018 John W. James and The Grief Recovery Institute®. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint this and other articles please contact The Grief Recovery Institute at [email protected] or by phone, 800-334-7606.
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