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Julia Baranik Obituary
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Memories and Condolences
for Julia Baranik
3 Entries
Nick Baranik
July 20, 2011
This is intended for the Grandchildren of Julia Baranik. It is hoped that that they can achieve greater insight into their grandmother as well as a better understanding of their mother or father; aunts and uncles.
She was, for the most part, a very fortunate woman. She had family. She was the youngest of five children, sisters Stella, Mary and Sophia and her brother Steve. She had the grief of losing Mary some time ago.
Mom was matriarch over four children, nine grandchildren and one great grandson. In her last days, she made a point of expressing her appreciation for her grandchildren.
In being diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, she was given an opportunity to see family and friends, visits that would not have happened if death had come to her in a more sudden way. The price for that time was the pain and suffering caused by that disease. I am sure, for her, it was worth it.
This was truly a learning experience for me – I learned valuable lessons about living and dying and how you have to be prepared to do both.
I would like to share one of the biggest lessons for me. At the age of eighty she was diagnosed this incurable cancer. On that day, I saw in her face a look that said ‘I’m not ready to die – I have things to do’.
My Mom was a ‘someday’ person. She was a person who truly believed that things will get done someday. Regrettably for her and us, that someday never came for far too many things.
But it is not necessarily bad to have things to do. A few days before my Mom died, there was a discussion about appointments that were no longer required and had to be cancelled. It was all good until the subject of cancelling Mom’s driver’s test was mentioned- that sparked something in Mom - her back was up –and it was clear to me, cancer or no cancer, she had every intention of taking that test.
I will confess to you that I did not know my Mom as well as I would have liked. That is not to say, I have never known her well, but our time together was too limited in my adult life.
I have to go back my youth living on Baseline Road in Cooksville, now known as Eglinton Avenue in Mississauga as a time when I did know my mom best.
I remember Mom as a master of psychological manipulation. She occasionally held the opinion that her two darling sons in their preteen youth were out of control. She would make the announcement that she was leaving and being somewhat of an actress, grabbed a suitcase and walked out the door. Her two angelic boys would be at the window watching the car leave the driveway with noses pressed to the glass, tears in their eyes promising anything and everything if only she would come back.
She always came back – I should have known it was all a bluff – like, who can pack a bag that fast?
Was that skill in psychological manipulation passed on? – You will have to ask her grandchildren.
It doesn’t end there –again as a preteen youth – She gave the warning to be home before the street lights came on or the doors would be locked. And true to her word, when I arrived home late – the doors were locked. It was such a coincidence that when this happened I would always find the basement window unlocked. To this day, I blame that unlocked window for undermining her best efforts to make me conscious of the importance of being on time.
My Mom was great in a crisis and changed gears when there was a need to provide assistance to others. If I remember right, when the need came she did not dwell on what led up to the injury or event....but went into action. I remember in my early teens, we were having a disagreement, and since I had just finished reading Tom Sawyer, I was prepared to venture out on my own – at least for one night. So I had set up camp in the nearby woods and made my farewell speech as I faded off into the wilderness. I soon learned that during emotional times, your coordination is not at its best. I tripped and fell and unfortunately for me, the knife I had in my pocket, stuck me in the abdomen. There was no question as to my next course of action at that moment, I was going back to Mom. In the backdoor I came, grasping my stomach as blood seeped between my fingers – She went into action – field dressed the wound and off we went to the hospital. There was no grilling about what happened, there was no lecture on safe handling of a knife. I needed help and she went into action.
Is it any wonder that all of her children went into careers providing service to others?
Another skill my mother gave me was negotiation skills – not bargaining skills but hostage type negotiation skills. When things got to the point of discipline my usual plan of action was to bee line it to the washroom. It was usually a close race for me to get in and get that door closed and locked. Now I could only pull this on my Mom, because she would negotiate – I didn’t dare test my dad’s patience in such a manner. Unlike today, door handles at that time came in two types- those with locks and keys and those without locks – none of these privacy door handles where the lock can be easily opened and fortunately for me the key for that bathroom door had long since gone missing. So in the safety of my porcelain furnished sanctuary negotiations would begin. My Mom’s demands made from outside the door were met with my response “Are you still mad?” Timing of my surrender was very important, because until we had a second bathroom in the house – I did risk letting my standoff go too long which would bring forward new reasons for her to be angry. Later in my life, when I was taking training in crisis negotiation, I often thought, you guys are good, but, my Mom was better.
When I was a teenager, my Mom used one line on me. “Don’t let the police bring you home, because if they do, I don’t know you”. I must say this was clearly a clever warning. Well did that stop me partnering up with Dave of the Lewis Clan and engaging in mild mischief? No it didn’t. What it did do was motivate me to run - fast. I was the guy always saying “we’re going to get caught, we’re going to get caught”. Well, the police never did bring me home. It is kind of ironic that in light of her warning my brother and I both came home as the police. Sadly for me, it is when I became a police officer and moved away, that my Mom and I grew apart.
Lastly, my Mom had great faith. She always believed she was and would be in good hands. The book ‘Tuesdays with Morrie’ is the exchange between the author Mitch and his former professor Morrie, who was dying from Lou Gehrig’s disease. Mitch asked Morrie if he remembered the story of Job from the Bible where God makes a good man suffer as a test of his faith. Morrie’s opinion of this parable was that God "overdid it."
If this cancer was a test of my Mom’s faith, she passed with flying colours. I too believe that this test was over the top.
Thank you for this opportunity to share with you
I love you Mom
Nick
July 17, 2011
Our hearts goes out to all of you - You all know what a great Mom and Grandma and Great Grandma Julia was - we also want you to know she was the very best neigfhbour and friend any of us could ever want. We will miss her terribly and feel very fortunate to have had her next door for so many wonderful years...Our thoughts are with you...love Diana, Graham, Alana, Andrew and Alexis
Ed Kalamanski
July 16, 2011
Dear Sophia, Diana, Nick, Harry and Families,
We are deeply sorry to hear that your mother, Aunt Julia has passed away. She was a great and caring lady! Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your families. She will remain in our hearts forever. May God bless.
Love, Ed, Nancy & family
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