Donald Bruce Gehlbach

Donald Bruce Gehlbach of Wolfeboro, NH and Sarasota, FL passed away on January 9, 2026 after bravely battling several chronic conditions. Donald was born on October 7, 1950 in New York City to Herbert and Dorothea (Gronke) Gehlbach, who both immigrated from Germany in 1938, just escaping the holocaust. Donald is predeceased by his parents, brother Richard, and first husband, Harry Norris, with whom he had a 39-year union. Donald is survived by his husband, John D. O’Connell, dog Max, and niece Jennifer Grezelak-Ledou of Virginia Beach, VA.

Donald grew up on the upper West side of Manhattan, and attended elementary school in Bay Ridge, Brooklyn, and commuted as a child by himself on the subway. He graduated from Dover High School in Dover, NJ, and started his studies at a local college. He tragically lost his mother in a car accident when he was 18.

Donald ended up in Boston for a few years, as he worked as a butler to several well-heeled ladies at the Copley Plaza Hotel. One of his duties was to fill the flower vase with gin in the back seat area of one of the lady’s Rolls Royce. In Boston he met, and fell in love with, a Jesuit seminarian studying at Harvard Divinity School named Harry Norris. They were together for 39 years until Harry’s death in 2013, just 6 months after Harry’s retirement. During their years together, they settled in New Haven, CT.

Donald also had a 38-year career with the State of Connecticut. He started with counting receipts for Off Track Betting, and ended up as the chief financial officer for a 300 bed juvenile detention facility, and managing a budget of $300 million. He was adored and respected by his staff and co-workers. He never lost sight of the goal of helping his kids to turn their lives around, and would always find a way to fund programs to improve their lives. After retirement in 2013, he was a founding member and treasurer of the Harold C. Smith Foundation for the promotion of Christianity, which managed a $90 million endowment.

Donald was an elegant and graceful man, who loved to entertain. For 10 years, he would spend a month in Paris enjoying the cultured life, and speaking and reading in French, for which he was self-taught. His adventures include sailing on the QE2, taking the Orient Express train to Venice, wintering vacations in Curacao and St. Croix, and attending many theater performances of musicals, plays and operas, which yielded a stack of over 100 playbills. Donald’s apartment in New Haven was home to many warm and occasionally raucous celebrations, and provided refuge to their gay community. He leaves many close friends, including Neal, Jeff, Beryl, Burchell, Bitsy Sue, Connie, Annemarie and Yvon, and departed friends Ken, Hector, Tommy, Shelly, Blaine, and many more.

After Donald retired in 2013, he spent his time between New Haven, and Ogunquit, ME. It was in Ogunquit where Donald met his next husband, John, whom he married in 2016, and celebrated the marriage in 4 locations. Donald particularly enjoyed the year spent in Budapest, Hungary, while his spouse was working for the United Nations. They settled in Wolfeboro, NH, and lead a peaceful life with their Scottish terrier, Max. Supremely kind, decent, and elegant, Donald Gehlbach touched many lives and will be sorely missed.

A Celebration of Life will be held in remembrance of Donald on June 6, 2026 from 3 to 5 at the Elm City Club in New Haven, CT. Details to follow separately.