Donald Charles Ruhl

Donald Charles Ruhl was born on October 30, 1944 in St. Louis, Missouri to Robert and Virginia Ruhl. He graduated from Dominican College of Racine in Racine, WI in 1969 and worked for many years in sales account management and client services.

Preceded in death by his beloved sisters Carol R. Smith and Lucille "Bunny" M. Johnson, Don was survived by his husband Neil Weikel, his stepdaughter Tamara Weikel and her husband Joshua Stewart, brothers Bob Ruhl and John Ruhl, brother-in-law Dick Smith, several nieces and nephews, and a brave and colorful community of delightful men trying to support each other through yet another giant public health crisis affecting the most vulnerable first.

Don loved travel and entertaining, and was raised by his mother to be an excellent cook and homemaker. He was generous and outspoken, a supporter of friends and a defiant defender of human rights. Eventually settling in Los Angeles, he and his husband attended Southern Decadence and Mardi Gras in New Orleans every year, made at least one annual trip to wherever "the kids" lived that year, attended and hosted regular parties legendary in their circle, attended theater and the symphony, and were very active in several local clubs.

Don's death was swift and surprising. Diagnosed with a normally treatable type of blood cancer called Diffuse Large B-Cell Lymphoma, he was unable to undergo aggressive chemo treatment due to an infection and a recent bout with COVID that had weakened him. There was just enough time to give instructions to his family on how to care for his ailing husband and his household, if not on how to prepare the annual fruitcake. Luckily he had long since made his wishes clear; hired caregivers and filed legal papers, and was able to return home under hospice to be with his husband and stepdaughter and pass at home according to his plans.

Unafraid to address difficult topics such as death, love, and bridge strategies, Don was the one to reach out during a crisis, assuage an anxiety, hold his stepdaughter's hand before walking her down the aisle, and saddle up any elephants in the room. Because he and Neil were so open about their end-of-life wishes, when unforeseeable circumstances arose (as they inevitably do), their carers were able to improvise and still be confident in doing the right thing. For this, those left behind will be forever thankful. We beg those of you still on your life journey to be as generous to your loved ones, and have those discussions now. It'll be hard enough grieving you, without having to worry about your papers and passwords.

On April 18, 2026 at 1pm the home of Neil and Don will be open one final time to loved ones and visitors to celebrate their best years together. Anyone who has previously attended one of Don's lovely dinner parties or one of the couples' soirees honoring a birthday or a first spring iris will surely remember the way. Bring a dish to share, but no bottles; there's plenty of leftover wine.

Don we miss you every day.