John Henry Murray

John Henry Murray died in Fayetteville NY on Mar 20, aged 88 years. John spent the bulk of his life in Toledo and relocated to NY last year to be closer to his daughter Kim. He was quick to grumble that NY is one of the most highly taxed states but equally quick to enjoy the natural beauty of the Finger Lakes.

John was born at the tail end of the Great Depression, which left him painfully, reluctantly, grudgingly willing to loan his kids money at 3% over prime. He took frugality to a whole new level, and his kids were expected to disregard expiration dates on everything, especially milk.

He was a competitive bodybuilder into his 70s. He was well-known at 21st Century Health Spa as an approachable and knowledgeable mentor. John was very fond of the heavy ass-to-grass squat and would tell his pupils "It's okay if you have to stop to throw up. Just come right back and hit it again." John won multiple titles over the years, including Mr. Toledo in 1984, and the NPC Southern States Over 60 in 1999.

He also did modeling at the Toledo Museum of Art and the Collingwood Arts Center. He would generally only consent to model for folks in the MFA program, deeming less educated artists unworthy of drawing his pulchritude. He was always ready to tell the story of the time he stood at the front of the class and the professor projected Michelangelo's David over him. They matched exactly, except for his hands, which were slightly larger than David's. He managed to work that into the unlikeliest of conversations.

John was drafted in 1962 and cherished a smouldering hatred for JFK for the rest of his life. After he escaped the Army with a sharpshooter's badge and an honorable discharge, he worked in the produce department at IGA and Kroger's. Although he tried, he could forget neither his service number nor his disdain for stupid unwinnable wars.

Trudy came into John's life in the early 70's and his love for her was monumental. They were inseparable until the day he died. In addition to being her besotted husband, he was also her primary caregiver these last several years as she moved through the stages of dementia. His gentle and thoughtful care for her was an inspiration. As it became necessary, he learned to keep house, do laundry, and tenderly brush her hair and wash her face. He kept her glasses scrupulously clean. His devotion was extraordinary. He promised her that they would stay together, at home, until one of them died. He kept that promise.

He was a certified Master Gardener. His yard was a riot of diversity and color. He often said he practiced zone denial, and the dozens of banana plants that overwintered in his Toledo garden offered mute testimony to his success. He was generous with cuttings and starts. Because of this, pieces of his garden are scattered across the US.

He loved Formula 1 racing, college basketball & football, and fast cars. He was a gun enthusiast for a while, but his sight began to fail and he deemed it prudent to put down the firearms. John was a phenomenal photographer and a visual artist with an eclectic style, so it seemed especially cruel that he lost his visual acuity to time. His children and grandchildren have extensive documentation of their evolving lives, as well as a plethora of photos of aesthetically pleasing ivy, oblique angles on architecture, and the odd rusty gate.

John relished music of all kinds, especially classical and jazz. The first time he ever heard the Rolling Stones' 'Satisfaction', he was driving and was so overcome and elated he had to pull over to listen. He was fond of beer, the hoppier the better. Ancient history and archeology were obsessions of his, which enabled him to take a very long view of transient troubles.

Fashion mattered to him, and he was gleeful about the designer clothes he found in thrift stores for pennies on the dollar. His penchant for weird and wonderful t-shirts delighted his fans and sometimes embarrassed his children. He wore scarves before scarves were cool. He indulged in a silk cravat a time or two. We all try to forget the summer he affected a beret. Once upon a time he was crowned King of Teen Town in East Toledo.

John was a wonderful father, always ready with a listening ear and a wryly sardonic comment, though never an open wallet. He was a funny guy. He'd be the first to tell you how funny he was, and if you ever forgot, he was right there to remind you. Repeatedly. He loved making people laugh, particularly himself. His enormous smile could light up the darkest room, and his booming laugh was infectious and memorable.

He was a practicing Stoic for decades, and his highest ambition was to be a virtuous man. He succeeded beyond all reasonable expectations. John found transcendent joy in life, with something to revel in even during dark times. His death leaves an unfillable gap in the warp and woof of our lives.

John is survived by his true love Trudy, their children Marc, Melody (Robert), and Kim (Joel); grandchildren Anita, Ed, Zachary, Robert, Holly, and Owen; great-grandchildren Olivia, Quinn, Aaron, Kennedy, Julian, Quinn (yes, we have two), and Sofie; nephews Matt, Mike, Eric, Ken, and Paul; nieces Lori, Laureen, Tonia, Dawn and Jill; and dear friends Sean Tucker and Lisa Wietecki. He is also survived by his beloved 2019 VW Golf-R, which his daughter is honored to speed in. He was predeceased by his son Johnny, his stepson John (yes, we had two) and his brothers Dave and Dug.

Services were private.