August 3,1938 - March 18, 2020
Daniel B. Wile, nationally and internationally known founder and developer of Collaborative Couple Therapy, died in his Oakland home on Wednesday, March 18, after a long struggle with heart failure. With a PhD from the University of California, Berkeley in 1966, Dan went on to a distinguished career as a teacher, author, and therapist.
Dan Wile's impact on the field of couples therapy in America stems in large part from three books: Couples therapy: A nontraditional approach (1981), After the fight: using your disagreements to build a stronger relationship (1993), and After the honeymoon: how conflict can improve your relationship (revised 2008). Dan rarely missed a morning's writing session, revising each paragraph until it shone with clear and vivid prose. At the time of his death, he had completed an advanced draft of what he saw as his most significant written legacy, "Solving the moment: a collaborative couple therapy manual." In accordance with his wishes, Dorothy Kaufmann, his wife and colleague, will be preparing a final version of his book in the coming months.
Dan participated in the training of graduate students in the Clinical Psychology Program at UCBerkeley as they learned to do couples therapy and he co-taught the primary couples therapy course for three years. He gave training workshops in the U.S. and internationally over several decades, a seminal influence on many generations of clinicians. With his wife, he also gave workshops for couples all over the country.
Dan was a mensch, radiating a quality of goodness that could be felt by everyone in his presence. He wore his kindness and calm temperament lightly, with wry humor.
Surviving Dan is his wife Dorothy Kaufmann, whom he met in 2007, her son Steven, his sister and brother-in-law, Eleanor and Stephen Bulova, their children, Peter Bulova and Susan O'Donnell, and his former wife, Joanne Wile.
A memorial service celebrating Dan Wile's life will be held in the late fall or early spring, when it is safe to gather together.