Hi, Scott - It's been awhile since I've written to you in here, but I've sent you lots of other messages, huh? I know you know!
Yesterday was Father's Day. Dad & I spent it in Bakersfield, actually Saturday evening & yesterday. I went to Madison's Baptism yesterday morning; it was very special, she's 8 now. Megan and Jordan were there as Sponsors with her Dad and Mom. I sat with Uncle Al & Aunt Nancy. Then later yesterday we went over to Ron & Teresa's for Father's Day. Remember 2 years ago? We were there and we called you to wish you a Happy Father's Day! You got to talk to Ron, Randy, Gina, Mandi and Jordan, Uncle Al, and of course, Dad. The next Sunday, late that night, you died. Of course Dad & I had talked to you since Father's Day, but yesterday we remembered how for the rest of them, it was the last time they had spoken to you! It was a bittersweet memory. The food was good, tho. Teresa makes a MEAN BBQ!!!
You'd be SO proud of that God-Daughter of yours! She's on her way to BC! She plans to stay there for 2 years, enrolled in Gen. Ed, then transfer to a 4 year course in Cal State to become a nurse. Right now, Pediatric Nurse, but that part's subject to change. Not the nurse part, tho. She's paying for it all herself so she'll "appreciate it more". Sounds like she's got her head on straight, huh? And then there's Jordan. She'll be a Senior in high school next year, but she's leaving this coming weekend for a 3-week writing camp in Pennsylvania. Going all by herself. She wants to get into journalism and hopes that the camp will help her make some decisions on what direction she wants to go. Know you're having a good time watching over them, and keeping Grandpa and Grandma Sousa straight with the Who's Who of their Grandchildren! Keep up the good work!
Boy, this 2nd anniversary is coming up fast, and it's tough! I find I still cry alot, mostly when no one is around, but sometimes I have to just get up and leave the room, 'cuz I start to tear-up without even knowing I'm going to. Sorry. The car is a good place tho. No one is there. Know you know that, too. You get some of my messages from there, too, huh? Dad's been good. If I'm gone longer than usual, he doesn't say anything. Guess he knows. He probably sees it in my eyes. Maybe. Somethings are better left unsaid, I guess.
One of my sorority sister's daughter passed away a couple of months ago. I called her & we talked for awhile. Later, several girls told me she had told them my call was the best thing that happened. It made me feel good. I sent her a message in her daughter's Guest Book (like this one), and then decided to sponsor the Book for her for a year so she would have it. Her daughter left 3 children, too. Two teenage daughters, and an 8 year old son. It's not supposed to happen this way. Parents aren't supposed to lose their children, and young children aren't supposed to lose their mommys and their daddys. I guess you have the priviledge of knowing more about God's Master Plan now than I do, and I know I have to have faith that that is what this is all about, but sometimes it is very difficult. But I do have faith, and I know it will be alright. It's not easy, and it will NEVER be better, but it will be OK. I promise, OK? So don't worry.
So, the Sousa boys wanted to be sure we were going to have the 2nd annual Celebration of your life again this year, so it'll be on the 30th of this month. Much like last year. Most everyone from Bakersfield is planning to be here (Ron, Jordan & Madison were here last weekend, cuz Jordan will be in PA), but I think everyone else will be. I haven't heard from Aunt Rose or Kim, but everyone else. Uncle Al & Aunt Nancy will be here a few days early, Dutch and Corinne, Aunt Barb & Uncle Rick, Mike & Sally, maybe a few more. Not sure about everything yet. Probably like last year when most everything was impromptu, but for sure we'll do the balloons again, so be sure you have LOTS of energy, 'cuz there'll be more balloons than last year for you to catch. And, like last year, you may have to let 1 or 2 of the kids know that you are giving theirs that Extra Special Attention! So I'm just giving you a "Head's Up", be ready for us! After that, which will take place at your gravesite, we'll head back to our house for a BBQ and more memories. Which brings me back to the beginning. Remember 2 years ago Father's Day when we called you from Ron's and told you about his new Outdoor Kitchen and how COOL it was? Remember you told Dad that we should get one for our backyard? Remember, you said, "Then when we all come home, we can have big Bar-B-Q's and have all the Sousa's over, and Dutch & Corinne, and all the other relatives. It'd be so much fun, Dad." Well, Guess What? We did! Rather, we Are! It's not finished, but the 1st phase is supposed to be done by the 30th, so on that day, we're going to "christen" that part of it in your memory. It's the refer & the "preparation island." The 2nd phase is the actual B-B-Q Grill and Burner. The entire project is in your Memory, but it's mainly because of Aunt Adele, and partially because of Uncle Gordy and Aunt Genevieve that we're able to do it, so we're doing to dedicate the B-B-Q side with a plaque or something on the countertop in their memories when the whole thing is finished. We thought that would be nice. Sure you approve.
Well, honey, as in your life, whenever I'd "Drop you a quick note" this "quick note" has become a manuscript, but I wanted to remind you about Father's Day 2 years ago, tell you about what's happening because of it, bring you up-do-date with your God-Daughter and next-in-line cousin, and generally, just say "hi".
Brandi and your kids are doing good, and I know you're watching over them. They know it too. They all miss you so much, just like me. I was thinking the other day driving into San Luis about how I used to call you for no reason except just to hear your voice and you'd say, "What's wrong, Mom, are you OK? and I'd say, Yea, I'm fine, I just wanted to say "HI", and now that I've heard your voice and said "HI", I'll let you get back to work, call me when you can, love you, give everyone hugs, bye", and I'd hang up hearing you laughing in the background; you used to call me when you were having a tough day, or were a little blue, and after we'd talk for a couple of minutes you'd say that you'd called me because I "could always put a smile on your face and make you laugh and make you feel like you could conquer the world." I miss those calls Scott. A lot. I miss hearing your voice. Thank God I kept the "Happy Birthday" message you left me on my voice mail at work. I listen to it every once in awhile. See, just like that, one more reason I don't believe in coincidences any more. There's a reason I saved that message from the first part of February and you died in late June. So I'd always have a part of you when I needed to hear your voice. I miss your laugh. That big, strong, fill-the-room infectious, laugh! I miss your poems, your silly jokes, your crazy rhymes! The games you played with the kids.
I miss hearing you say "I Love You, Mom". I miss not being a Mom. But I love being Grammie! Thank you for that! 3 times Grammie!
OK, so this time I AM going to go.
Take care. Remember to say your prayers and to keep watch over those 3 precious keiki of yours and help God and Grandpa and Grandma Sousa keep them and all the Sousa cousins from harms way.
Have fun. Be sure to get Grandma and Grandpa together on the 30th to enjoy the celebration, 'cuz we'll all be at their grave site too, with flowers and balloons.
Please know I love you, now and forever, and above all else, son,
REST IN PEACE.