Lonnie Dillard

1945 - 2021

DILLARD, Lonnie Being a person who often jockeyed to have the last word, I am reluctant to stop now. I realize, of course, that obituaries are written most often by friends or family of the departed---or, should one achieve fame, fortune or notoriety---by the media as well. Most obituaries then, either out of respect for the memory of the deceased, or fear of litigation, fall far short of candor. That will not be the case here. I suspect very few of you reading this notice knew me personally. You may merely be scanning today's obituary column out of boredom or morbid curiosity, like I used to do, for names or photos of people you know, have known, or known of. And perhaps mumbling a prayer, silently congratulating yourself, that you are not the one---not yet anyway---who has recently passed away. Whatever the reason for your attention, I hope to make your time worthwhile. Instead of cataloging careers and adventures I have had, honors I received, missteps I made or women I loved (I was blessed to have more than my share of each of these) or bemoaning how much my sparkling wit or wisdom will be missed, I thought it better to share a few of the big lessons I learned during my 75 eventful years on Planet Earth. 1. A mother's unwavering love can turn a very ordinary little boy into an extra-ordinary man, if only in his own mind. 2. Making and keeping friends, like tending a garden, requires attention and effort. Yet doing so yields greater returns than anything else you will ever do. 3. As Buddhists say: Be kind; everyone you meet is traveling a difficult journey. There is no substitute for a good deed; but simply helping a stranger laugh or smile can lighten a load, too. 4. If your word is no good, chances are very good, you are not either. 5. Having money is always better than NOT having money. But beyond basic needs and a few luxuries, money is not a requirement for happiness. Enough really is enough; greed can hollow out the heart, even topple civilizations. 6. Time spent learning---anything---is never time wasted. 7. Waste is a sin. Do not "save things for nice." Not the new guest room towels, the good crystal that will surely chip with everyday use, nor that ridiculously expensive jacket you bought on a lark in Florence. "Nice" may never happen; life is lived now. 8. Travel is dangerous! If you are not careful, you could find yourself questioning whether your culture, country, or religion really does have a monopoly on all the right answers. 9. Happiness is not the result of what does or does not happen to you in your life as much as your attitude about what does or does not happen. It's a decision you make. Every day. They say that it is always better to have ten items on a list than only nine. I say trying to do everything "they" say can snuff out whatever genius you have in you, as well as make you miserable in the process. There is no one more you than you. You do have something unique to offer your piece of the world. Damn convention or the critics. Take a chance! Unfortunately, I did not know all these lessons all my life; some I paid very dearly to learn. Or re-learn. But I do know that if I could live my life over, I would want these as a starter kit. Forrest Church, renowned Unitarian minister, wrote as he was dying that all the big problems in his life could have been handled better or avoided entirely if he had observed only three rules: 1) Be who YOU are 2) Love what YOU have, and 3) Do what YOU can. My greatest regret is that I must now suddenly leave behind the light of my life, my loving beautiful wife and co-adventurer for almost 40 years, Sandi Sain. I call her a "good sport," which is the highest compliment I can pay a person. How incredibly lucky I was to have her in my life. As my life. There are those who cause joy wherever they go. And others, whenever they go. Be the first kind. Lonnie Dillard was born May 7, 1945, and grew up in west Texas. He died at home in Austin on December 18, after learning of a diagnosis of stage four pancreatic cancer on November 11. Lonnie is survived by his loving wife of 35 years, Sandi Sain, and friends too numerous and far-flung to mention. A virtual celebration of Lonnie's life will be scheduled in early Spring 2021. Memorial donations may be made to: Hospice Austin, Austin Presbyterian Theological Seminary, the Trail Foundation of Austin, Pancreatic Cancer Action Network (pancan.org/donate), Planned Parenthood, or the charity of your choice