Robert Gray

1954 - 2024

Robert Brent Gray

1954 - 2024

- R. Brent Gray, 1954-2024.

Robert Brent Gray, 70, known to most as Brent, and affectionately to some as Gruntus Bogrumpus, or Mr. Grunt, died September 27, 2024, at Intermountain Medical Center in Murray, Utah, of medical complications related to surgery. Brent was born July 8, 1954, and was adopted shortly after birth by loving parents Cash Woodern Gray (1913-1985), and Mildred Evaline Dehm Gray ("Midge") (1915-1995), joining also-adopted older brother Terry Gray.

Brent was raised in Murray, and attended Murray City schools (Liberty Elementary, Riverview Junior High, and Murray High School class of 1972). He began his college education at the University of Utah, completed his bachelor's degree at Westminster College, and later was admitted to the Masters of Social Work program at the University of Utah, but due to health issues was unable to complete that degree. After early working stints in restaurant service and on the "summer track gang" at the Kennecott Copper open pit mine (where his father and uncles worked), Brent made a career in social services, including years with the Granite Mental Health Inpatient unit treating severely mentally ill patients, and later with the Utah Department of Corrections as a corrections officer and therapist working with sex offender inmates. He helped many patients in his career.

Brent's graduate education and professional career were cut short by serious long-lasting health issues, which rendered him physically disabled and ultimately contributed to his death. Brent also struggled for years with alcohol addiction. He faced this challenge by joining Alcoholics Anonymous and becoming a "friend of Bill" - proudly achieving 32 years of sobriety! Consistent with his social services background, he also became deeply involved in the addiction recovery community, voluntarily "sponsoring" and otherwise counseling numerous other recovering addicts, and serving for many years on the Board of the Alano Club in Murray. His AA friends became like a second family with very important roles in his life. He helped many fellow addicts to lead responsible, productive lives, and in turn helped their families and friends.

Brent's compassionate caring for others was also evident at home, as he helped to care for his maternal grandmother Nora Elizabeth Caldwell Dehm (1890-1981), who had moved from Missouri to spend her final years with Brent's parents, and then again when he became the primary caretaker for his mother Midge for 10 years after his father passed away, caring for her through major illnesses. Brent and Midge were extremely close, and just as he was her caretaker, so she was a vital ally in his early years of overcoming alcoholism.

Brent's dedication to serving others, especially after his body began failing and he was enduring crippling pain, was possible because of his indomitable spirit and positive attitude. He persisted past many obstacles, with little complaint, always finding ways to be optimistic and share that optimism with others, despite his own struggles. If he could not be physically present for someone needing support, he would help through frequent phone calls. His trademark demeanor no matter what he was enduring was to be calm and reasonable, and demonstrate how to take things in stride. With those he counseled, he listened patiently and offered sound advice.

Generally, Brent was an independent thinker, seeking out and avidly consuming multiple information sources to enrich his knowledge and understanding, and he was a lifelong supporter of the principles of inclusion and democratic ideals. He was deeply concerned about what he viewed as anti-democratic, anti-immigrant, anti-science, exclusionary, and racist activities at the local, state, and national levels in recent times. He surely would regret having narrowly missed the opportunity to counter those trends by voting in the most recent elections.

Brent loved dogs, and had special furry friends through most of his life - including Keesh, Mitzi, and most recently Papi. He also loved to garden, and his flowers and tomatoes were his pride and joy. And Brent's post-retirement hobby and great passion was to study and collect and trade gemstones and other minerals. He attained vast knowledge, built a substantial collection, joined the Wasatch Gem Society, and participated in trade shows until he no longer could.

Brent was preceded in death by his parents, grandparents, and brother Terry, and also numerous uncles, aunts, and cousins of both the Gray and Dehm families, many of whom resided near his parents' childhood homes in Milan, Missouri. He is survived by: several cousins, including the two maternal cousins he was closest with, Linda Salisbury of Kansas City, Missouri, and Vicki Stanford of Tucson, Arizona; many friends from his Murray childhood, especially those who remained close in his final years - Leon Antczak, Robert "Butch" Flores, Wendy Parsons-Baker, Darwin and Lise Bundy, and Craig Ashworth; his many AA friends, including those he sponsored, especially Christian, Adam, and Paul; and, his beloved canine companion Papi. A very special thanks to Leon for providing a home for Brent (and his growing mineral collection) in his final years, and helping in many other ways, including now caring for Papi.

Per Brent's wishes, his cremains will be interred with his parents at the Murray City Cemetery, at a later time. In keeping with his close connection to Alcoholics Anonymous, a celebration of life is scheduled for Sunday, November 17, 2024, 2:30-4:30 pm, at the Alano Club, 5056 South 300 West, in Murray. In lieu of flowers, donations to the AA cause in his memory would be welcomed, see e.g. https://utah-alanon.org/donations

A later additional celebration of life will be planned, likely in July 2025 to coincide with Brent's 71st birthday. Email robert.flores@law.utah.edu, or leonantczak@gmail.com for more information.

We all will miss you, dear Brent. Rest easy Mr. Grunt.