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John David Bynum

John Bynum Obituary

JOHN DAVID BYNUM "Papa" John passed away on Sunday, January 15, 2006, after a battle with cancer. He was born on August 1, 1938, in Oklahoma to Jesse & Nellie Bynum. John is survived by his wife, MaryAnn Bynum; sons, Richard, Miguel, Freddie and Rudolfo; daughters, Belinda, Anna, Cindy, Bonnie, Laurie and Sandy; brothers, Virgil and Thomas; sisters, Lois, Ruth, Louwana, Carol, Rita and Sharon, 18 grandchildren and seven great-grandchildren. A Graveside Service will be held at Squaw Valley Cemetery on Thursday, January 19, 2006, at 1:00 p.m. We Love You Papa

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Published by Fresno Bee from Jan. 19 to Jan. 26, 2006.

Memories and Condolences
for John Bynum

Sponsored by Bonnie 'Bynum' Sivyer.

73 Entries

Bonnie Bynum Sivyer

January 13, 2025

19 years ago today a part of me died. I still miss you Dad. I can't believe how quickly time is passing. It comforts me to know that it won't be long until we're all together again. Until then a piece of my heart will be with you. I love you Dad! The world hasn't been the same without you in it.
Love, your Baby Girl,
Bonnie

Belinda Martin

July 17, 2023

If heaven only had a phone, I would be burning it up. So much has happened since you left, I am a grandma to two, Bentley is 9 Sarah is 8. I never knew you could love someone as much as your own kids. I wish you could of met them. I miss you so much dad, what I would give for just one more day. I know your in the best of care, would you tell Jesus I love him.. I can't wait to see you again, this world is getting really ugly. I do long for the day that we all go home. Untill then I will care you in my heart.

Bonnie Sivyer

February 15, 2023

Bonnie Sivyer

February 15, 2023

Bonnie Sivyer

February 15, 2023

Bonnie Sivyer

February 15, 2023

Just adding some old pics from my phone. I love you so much Dad! I'll miss you until the day we meet again.

Miguel Bynum federico

June 1, 2022

I love u Pops

Miguel Federico

May 16, 2022

Papa "Dad" i miss u so much but im on the property like u did . building from nothing

Bonnie Sivyer

October 12, 2017

Oh Dad. I can't believe how many years have passed without you being here. You are constantly in our thoughts and I make sure your great grandchildren know who you are. I sure wish they could have met you. You would be proud. They're great kids. I love you now and forever. I only find peace in that eternal hope that I'll see you again when God calls me home. Love, your baby girl.

Bonnie Sivyer

September 19, 2015

Just wanted to light a candle in memory of a great man. I love you Dad! My grandsons are here with me right now and Conner just left you a message. He didn't want me to see him write it so I left him alone to do it. I've been sitting here telling them stories about you and about life on the mountain. You are forever in our thoughts and hearts. I love and miss you so much! Your baby girl, Bonnie

September 19, 2015

Dear Papa John, I really wanted to meet you, I'm sad about what happened and I really love you.
Love,
Your grandson Conner.

Belinda Martin

July 30, 2015

I love you dad..I miss you...I long to see you again.

Bonnie Sivyer

July 31, 2013

Today would be your 74th Birthday. Still way too young to have left this world. I love you so much Dad and I miss you all the time. There's so much I wish I had learned from you but I thought you would live forever. When I work on a building project I get so frustrated and end up giving up and wishing I had just paid closer attention when you showed me things. You were so talented, such a hard worker, a great father and a wonderful friend. I miss you all the time! I'm loving being a grandma. Conner is 7 and Sawyer is 3. Conner looks like you and Sawyer looks like me. I wish they had met you. A while back Conner said, 'I don't know much about Papa John but he sure made great pizzas!' Haha! They're so sweet, smart, and funny! Shawn married a lovely girl named Amanda. You would love her. I hope they start a family soon. If you celebrate birthday's in heaven I hope you have a great one. I'm guessing you'd get Angel Food Cake. I love you Dad! More than words can say! Happy Birthday!

June 3, 2013

Hey Dad. I'm missing you today. Shawn is getting married June 8th and it will be sad not having you there to share it with us. He found a good gal and is very happy. They're planning to start a family right away so your legacy will continue through your great grandkids. Meagan's kids are so great Dad! You'd have a ball with them! The oldest one, Conner, looks so much like you did as a kid and the youngest one acts just like you. He loves the outdoors! I miss you so much and am so sad that you never got to meet these wonderful branches of your family tree. I love you Dad and I miss you like crazy!

Belinda Martin

January 30, 2013

I love you dad and miss you with all my heart.......

Sandy Hernandez

January 15, 2013

Pops,
Miss you madly. Think about you daily and I know your here with me everyday in my thoughts, my heart. I love you always
Your daughter
Sandy

Sandra Hernandez

January 15, 2013

Hi Pops. Seven years today you left us. Feels like yesterday. So many things I want to say. Wish I could see your face and hear your voice. I know your looking in on us all from time to time. Sending all my love forever....

Sandy Hernandez

August 28, 2012

Hi Pops. Just wanted to say hello. Ritchie started his Senior year of high school. He is so excited. He misses you!!! Love you and miss you....

Cindy Foster

August 2, 2012

Hey Dad,
Sorry you didn't hear from me yesterday on your birthday. Seems I haven't been on here much lately. I talk to you all the time, just not in a public forum. But anyway, Happy late Birthday. Gosh, you've been gone for way to long. I'm going to be 51 this month. Some days I feel like 70. I didn't do that well taking care of my body and it's letting me know it. The beating I got a few months ago has really taken a toll on me. I'm not bouncing back like a spring chicken. Life isn't what I thought it would be Dad. Hey, I did get babtised last Sun out at Clinton lake. The same place where we took you, Mom and the boys when you were all here that summer. It was wonderful. My whole church was there. Bonnie was with me, she stood on one side of me and Pastor Nate did the service. It was perfict. I've been going to church for about a year. I started out just doing the Christ Centerd 12 steps and the Lord called on me to stay to change my ways. Here I am a year later.
I love you Dad, Tell Mom and Grandma I love them both too.

Sandy Hernandez

August 1, 2012

Lighting this candle for my daughter Kat. Pops and Mumma give her your strength to get thru her ailments.

Sandy Hernandez

August 1, 2012

Happy birthday Pops. Think about you and miss you everyday. Today more than others. I love you always tell Mumma miss her too and both the grandmas.

Sandy Hernandez

July 30, 2012

Pops,
Today is your and Moms annversity. Watching you marry my mom was the best day of my life. You are everything I ever wanted in a Dad. Thank you for everything. I love you and miss you everyday. Tell mom and the grandmas hello.

Cindy Foster

June 20, 2010

If white roses grow in heaven, Lord, then pick a bunch for me. Place them in my Daddy's arms & tell him they're from me. Tell him that I love & miss him & when he turns to smile, place a kiss upon his cheek & hold him for awhile. Because remembering him is easy, I do it every day, but there's an ache in my heart that will never go away. Happy Father's Day Dad!

Belinda Martin

June 19, 2010

Happy Fathers day dad. Sure wish you were here to spend it with. I miss you more then words can say, and I think of you every single day.I know your in a better place, but would give my arm to see your face.I love you with my heart and soul,Its hard even now to let you go.I hope you look down at me now and then,and walk with me when life is feeling dim.I charish the memories you left behind I'll carry them with me till my end of time.I love you Dad!

Belinda Bynum/Martin

June 4, 2010

Hi Dad,
Its been a while sence i have been here.But not a day goes by that I dont think of you and miss you.There are so many things i wish i would of said,alot more visits i wish i would of done.But i hope you knew how much i loved you.The family is growing like a weed, Meagan is getting ready to have her second, I was just told I might be a grandma...Michael finally came through on his threats.But guess I will have to wait it out and see.Amanda is finishing school she just turned 18 and mike 21.I cant believe how fast the time went by.Seems like just yesterday they were babies.Bobbi is doing well has her own apartment and has been holding down the same job for a couple of yrs now.She is doing her best staying sober.I just turned 50 im a old women now, but do you no what i hold most dear to my heart? my morals, my respect for my elders, my caring heart.I have you and mom to thank for that.That was the most beautiful thing you could of ever gave me.Thank you!Plus i would like to thank you for my two sisters...me and Cindy seem to have a problem seeing eye to eye alot, We both seem to think we are always right( wonder where we got that)! but we are trying to work through that, this scare with her made me really think about my life with her, i dont want to ever regret my words again.EVER!I was in calif not long ago due to Dougs mom falling ill, sorry i didnt come see you, but i promice next time!Well gotta go and get ready for a meeting, I love you with all my heart and soul.............Your # 1 Belinda

Cindy Foster

June 3, 2010

Hi Dad,
It's me again.
OMGosh, I just spoke with the nurse at my Dr's office. She said the Dr. wrote "ok" on my CT-Scan report!!!!!!
She said she's not a DR so she doesn't understand exactly what all it says but from what she can tell, it's conclusive with someone who has, or has had chronic bronchitis or COPD.
The report also stated that it "wasn't" a mass, rather a "foggy" appearance. She is going to have the Dr. call me tomorrow and go over the full report with me. I will still see my lung Dr. on Monday for the nasal scope.

Dad... I sure miss you, but I wasn't ready to come see you just yet.
I haven't cried until just now, and now I can't seem to stop.
I kept thinking of how fast you were gone after we found out. My grand kids are the same age as the boys were when you got sick. I just wasn't ready for that.
I just kept praying that God would give me the strength to deal with what ever came our way.
Kiss Mom and Grandma for me.
Save me a spot...... I'm not coming for a while.
Love ya later Dad,
Cindy

Bonnie Sivyer

June 3, 2010

I'm lighting this candle for my sister, Cindy.

May 31, 2010

Hi Dad,
Wow, It's been so long since I've come here to write to you. I come here many times to read your letters, but never seem to find the right words to leave myself.
I loose site of having the opportunity to do it "the next time" I log on.
I guess that's how it is with life, thinking we'll always have another day. And then, one day we wake up and we're old, or sick, or our lives are cut short by an accident.
All those opportunities wasted on, "should-of, could-of, would-of's".

Would you of changed a lot of things Dad? Did you have many regrets? Would you have done it all over again?

I may be sick Dad. I have a spot on my lung. It's been there a while, but we've been keeping an eye on it. Last week, the X-Ray showed it "changed".
The Doc sent me in for a CT-scan a few days ago then in a week, June-7, I go in for a scope down my nose. (don't know what that's for). I should know by then.

For some reason, I'm not really scared. What has me more more upset is the fear it's causing my family and loved ones. I remember, like it was yesterday, how I felt when we found out about you. I felt like my world had come to an end. Like someone was ripping my heart out. I didn't think I could go on if I lost you. I see that same fear in my daughters eyes.
My first thought was to not tell anyone until I knew something for sure so I wouldn't worry anyone. I made it two days. lol As soon as I sat down with Mom, I started crying. By the end of the week, my sisters knew.
That night, Bonnie and Belinda came and sat with me until 1:am. That was the first time I felt really safe. When Bonnie called and said they were coming over, my first thought was "I'm ok, I didn't need anyone". But once they were here, I realized how much I really needed them both.

I have no idea what's in store for me, but I have faith that God will give me strength to walk through this. I pray that he does the same for my family.

I miss you Dad. I wish we had been closer while you were alive. But I guess things were as they were supposed to be.
Your death wasn't in vain. It was for me, the turning point in my life. I became the mother my children always needed and learned how to be a better grandmother. I've learned how to value life, and in return, respect death.
I've renewed my faith with God. And I'm getting babtized.
So many changes in my life.

I love you Dad.... I just needed to come and chat with you for awhile.
Always,
Cindy

Amy

April 21, 2010

Hi Uncle Johnny! Been thinking about the family alot lately. The last time I got to see you I remember you showing me all your birds in the cages. As I think of all the family that has passed, I try to believe that you and Grandma are up there flying as free and graceful as the birds. I imagine you all watching over the family that you left behind here on Earth, and you are smiling down on us. Give Grandma a big hug for me and here is one for you--(hugs)
Tell Grandma I finally figured out how to make that gravy finally for my biscuits! Love you and miss you all so much!
Amy

Sandy Hernandez

August 2, 2009

HI Pop. Today is your b-day.I think about you everyday. I know we all tell you we are fine since you have been gone. I am not I miss you so much... Not being able to talk to you everyday like I used to is so hard. I know you are looking down on me... i feel you there telling me kido it will be fine,be the better person and do the right thing. Even though we share no blood, you will forever be my pops,the only father that I have ever known. I am lost without you. I know I will find my way back.... the pain of losing you will never go away.. I just need to learn to live with it. I love you forever. We will be up there to see you and mumma on Tuesday, let mumma know.. Always Sandy

Meagan Vestal

June 23, 2009

Hi Papa. I know it's been awhile since I talked to you last. I wanted to ask you if you can take care of my Grandma for me. I know you will. I'm sure you are both watching over us right now. I miss you so much. I wish that you could know my son. Conner looks so much like you. He is a Bynum through and through. You would be so proud of him Papa. He's an oakie that's for sure. It's so funny when mom puts on bluegrass and he starts dancing away. He's so pale with blonde hair and green eyes. He has your hairline too. He looks like he is your son instead of mine. My husband and I have biscuits and gravy with eggs, bacon and sausage every weekend and Conner loves them. I know you would have been overjoyed to have him as your grandson. Well, I better be getting off to bed. I love you Papa and please tell both my Grandmas up there I love them too.
Meagan Loves You!!!

Bonnie Sivyer

June 21, 2009

Yesterday was Father's Day and it might seem silly but a hawk has been following me for weeks. Is it you Dad? Whatever it is, it brings me comfort.

I miss you Pop. I don't know what to say about Father's Day. I doubt you celebrate such things but I wanted you to know you were remembered with love.

Dennis's mom passed away. Is she with you? He doesn't know where she is. There was no time for him to have assurance of where she was going. It was sudden and unexpected.

I love you!

Bon

Bonnie Sivyer

March 30, 2009

Hi Dad.

A friend of mine visited your grave the other day. She cleared away the weeds and picked some wildflowers for you. She videotaped it and told you that I love and miss you. I hope you heard her.

Your oldest brother has come to join you today. I hope you are all there to greet him. Uncle Virgil was a great man and will be missed. So many of you have crossed over to the other side. I wish I had a clearer vision of where that was or what it is.

What does it mean to be where you are? Where are you Dad? I know you are in heaven but all I know of it is what you showed me in my dream. Was it real? You and Uncle Levi? Am I going crazy?

I'm not crazy Dad. I just miss all of you so much. Life here will never be the same without you. You would have been proud of your great-grandson, Conner today. We are having concrete laid tomorrow and we had to shovel out a bunch of gravel. He had his little shovel and was filling up the wheelbarrow with all his 2 year old might. He's a hard working little boy. You would have spoiled him rotten. I guess I'll just have to do it in your place.

I'll see you again someday. When, I don't know, but I'm sure I will.

Until then know that you are loved and will never be forgotten.

Your loving daughter,

Bonnie

Bonnie Sivyer

August 1, 2008

Today is your birthday. You would have been 70. Still too young to be gone.

I spent some time in mourning today then decided it would be better spent in celebration of your life. You were and will always be so very special to me. It has been hard to let go but time eases things. I never believed it but it's true. I'll always miss you and will always hurt over losing you but I at least have come to realize that I can go on living now and still enjoy what the remainder of my life has to offer.

Shawn is getting married! Her name is Megan and it's kind of strange for him to be with someone with the same name as his sister. Thank goodness our Meagan is married or we'd have two Megan Sivyer's running around! It will be strange enough having another Megan take on the Sivyer name. (notice that at least they spell their names a little different).

We went shopping today for the engagement ring. He found a beautiful one and we already know she's going to say yes since they're already planning for the wedding but he still wants to propose properly. He asked her dad for her hand in marriage last night. Something I'm sure he was very nervous about.

I miss you Dad! I wish I could call and wish you a happy birthday. I can't believe another one has come and gone without you being here.

We are all doing very well and are in good health and spirits. The only thing missing from making life perfect is that you aren't here to share it with us. Perhaps in some way, you are.

I love you Dad! Happy Birthday!

Bonnie

Cindy Foster

August 1, 2008

Happy Birthday Dad!
I sure wish I could call you today. I would say "Hey Dad, Happy Birthday", and you would say. "thanks Kiddo". Just the usual small talk we always had. I sure miss those times we were able to just call you up on the phone. I remember sometimes being afraid to call, because I knew you were going to get on to me for something or another. But you always told me you loved me before we hung up. You sure could be a pain in the butt sometimes Dad. I guess I'm a lot like you because my girls tell me the same thing. lol I sure miss you Dad. Today always seems to be the hardest for me. I always liked to think that you and I had a bond of being "Leo's", both being born in Aug., and my birthday being 20 day after yours. I always thought I was special. Still do.... LOL. But birthdays were a time of joy, and growth. Of laughter and cheer. Now, it just seems like such a void, and the emptiness seems to echo so much louder on your birthday. Maybe because there will never be any more growth, none of your laughter, or your jokes. I miss your laughter so much. I miss your face. I miss sitting next to you on the couch and you reaching around me with your arm and holding me near, making me feel safe. That's the only time in my life that I ever felt that kind of saftey. I miss you Dad. Happy Birthday.
Love ya Great Big,
Cindy

Bonnie Sivyer

March 22, 2008

Hey Daddy,

I thought of you the other day and wanted to talk to you. I had a stroke and was in the hospital.

When the doctor came in to tell us I had a blood clot in my brain Dennis fought hard to be brave. You would have been proud of him Dad. He tried very hard to be strong for me and not let me see him cry.

I wasn't afraid at all. I was totally at peace. That was a gift you left me. I no longer fear death. I only fear the sadness of those I would leave behind.

God was with me Pop. The clot was inoperable but the next day it simply disappeared without a trace. The doctor's can't explain it but I don't need an explanation. I'm just going to keep doing what you told me to do and that's to live one day at a time and thank God for each and every day I have.

It was always my habit to call you when I was in trouble and this time was the first time I was in trouble and I had to face the fact that you weren't there to call. Even so, I felt you with me.

Will I ever stop missing you? I don't think it's possible and I wouldn't want to even if it were. You are my dad and missing you only reminds me that I love you still.

I'm see the doctor on Monday and we'll know more. I'm recovering quickly but still having some trouble. All I know right now is that if God decides to take me I'll be fine and if He still has work for me to do here I'll do it happily and enjoy every moment of it that I can.

How can I fear death when it means I will see you again? I can't because I miss you and all the others. Of course you also taught me to value life and I'm doing that. I will always fight to survive even if I'm not afraid to die.

I love you so much! I'll see you when God is ready.

Your baby girl,

Bonnie

Bonnie Sivyer

January 15, 2008

Well Dad, it's been two years today and it's a sad day. I miss you so much and spent the morning hours going through things that remind me of you.

I laughed, I smiled, and I cried, but I'm trying to move on and focus on the happy memories. I'm thankful that there are enough of those to carry me through.

I'll always love you and I'm sure you'll continue to visit me in my dreams when I need you most.

I feel you with me and know that you are happier where you are than you could have ever been in this life.

I love you dad!

Bon

sandra hernandez

December 2, 2007

Pop,
I was looking for Christmas decorations and at the bottom of the bag was pictures of you and mom. I have been dreaming of the two of you every night for the past few months. I miss you so much. I am trying to do as you asked but it is hard. Katy graduates this year and we are so busy with all the prep. She has grown into a beautiful young woman and I don't remember if i told you she is going into the air force... I am so proud of her.Ritchie (Buster) is getting so big (tall) he is playing football. Next is baseball, wish you were here to see that. I had surgery in Sept. all turned out ok. Richard misses you too. Christmas is getting closer and i keep waiting for you to call and say well sweetheart your mom knows what she wants for christmas can you pick it up. But i know deep in my heart there will be no call. I hope you knew and will always know my mom meeting you was the best thing that ever happened to me. I Finally could say this is my dad and not show a picture... you would be standing right by my side.I love you and missing you so much ... i know i will see you again one day.. and we can sit together on the porch in the cabin in the sky. Always
Sandy

Cindy Foster

November 29, 2007

Hi Dad,
I love to get on here and see the family writing to you. We may be a family divided by miles, and sometimes by opinions, but we are still a family and we love each other. Michael has grown into a wonderful man and seems to have done right by his sons. I keep them all in my prayers.
I hope to some day go back so I can visit you and Mom's grave sites. I would at least like to place flowers there. It would be nice to see all the kids and I would love to see Grandma Hank.
I wish you could of been with me yesterday. I picked up my chip for being clean and sober for 18 months. Life has been very good. I am working on step 7 with my sponsor and I have sponsee's that I guide through the steps. I have also started going to church. My struggles are still in my life, but I deal with them without having to use or drink over them.
I have been busy getting Jessica ready for graduation this year. She is doing great. She really misses you. She says you don't come to her as much as you used to. Nikki is staying busy with her litter. Isaac is in school and the twins are little terrors... lol. They will be three pretty soon.
Thanks for looking out for me Dad, I always feel you near. Some say that's not possible, but I don't care what they say, I know your around. It somehow makes it easier.
It was nice talkin to ya,
Love ya great big,
Cindy

Meagan Vestal

November 29, 2007

Well Papa, here it is almost two years later and I still cry when I read what everyone has written to you. I think this guest book is the one thing that gets us all through. It's a lot easier when we are missing you to write to you. It gives me hope and makes me feel better when I'm missing you. Conner is getting so big. He's running around and talking and getting into everything. He would have loved to go play in the mountains like we all did. Gosh, I really miss you papa. Aunt Belinda and her family as well as MeeMaw all moved out here to Kansas. I think it will make the next couple of months a little easier for all of us. Gator lost his grandpa a few years ago also. He's a big help. He knows what I'm going through and he's such a big help. Gosh, you know sometimes I think I would give anything to hear you say Papa loves you just one more time. I know mom, Aunt cindy, and Aunt Belinda are having a hard time right now. But don't worry Papa, we are all here for eachother and someday we will no longer cry we will rejoice that you are at peace and that you are at home.I miss you Papa. Meagan loves you.

michael fresno

November 27, 2007

well papa were do i start,its hard without u and grandma,i'm doing what u asked to do for are boys,i made head coach of the baseball team miguel moved up so it was just fred i wanted rudy to play so bad ,he just not ready maybe next year.i got this place looking good ,we got animal 5goats and 1 sheep no more weedetn,got a dog also.well i can go on and on,i've been takeing the boys camping,we all got dirt bikes so we ride all the time.im going to make them learn a different life than the way i used to be,i owe u and my grandma that.you know intill your last days i use to wonder if you liked me then i relized how much loved,respect and trust you have for me.i relized you were just desapointed in your grandson because i wasn't handling my business,well papa i got to go i love u i got alot to let out i just got to it get together than i will get back to you

sandra hernandez

September 17, 2007

Hi, Pops. Just wanted to tell you, we miss you.

Bonnie Sivyer

July 31, 2007

Hi Dad,

I've been feeling low all day and now it has entered that time of night where the new day approaches and I realized that today is your birthday.

It hit me like a ton of bricks. I want to call and sing happy birthday to you and listen to your voice when you say 'thanks babe'.

I miss you so much. It's like a broken record but it never goes away. I will always miss you but will always remember your laugh, your silly jokes, your singing, your hugs and the way you'd just lift your arm and put it around me so I could snuggle in close on the sofa to talk or watch TV.

Your great grandson is growing up fast. He just turned a year old last month. It breaks my heart that he won't know you.

If you celebrate birthday's in Heaven then I hope you have a good one.

I will always love you,

Bonnie

Meagan

February 15, 2007

Papa,
I can't beleive it's been over a year and I still can't accept that your gone. I've had a real rough time lately. Everyday I watch my son and the things he learns to do and I think, I can't wait to take you up to Papa's so you can meet him and he can show you the birds and take you fishing. It's hard for me to realize that that will never happen. I had Aunt Belinda take a picture of him up to you. I wish that you could meet him and my husband as well. You would approve of him Papa. I truly beleive you would. He's a wonderful man and he reminds me a lot of you. I know I need to let you go and make my peace with your being gone, but I can't. I can't let go. I try everyday and everday my heart breaks when I have to stop daydreaming about you meeting my new family and realize it will never happen. I love you papa and I know that someday, I will see you again and that you are watching your legacy continue from heavan. Meagan loves you Papa.

sandy hernandez

February 14, 2007

Hi Pops. Today is valentines day 2007.I was just remembering all the cards and boxes of candy you would buy for mumma. After all those years she kept the first heart shaped box on the wall. You were always giving her candy and cards sometimes flowers. Writing in this book that Bonnie keeps going is like therpy i feel closer to you being able to write this letter. I miss you so much. Buster said a prayer for you yesterday, he misses you, even though he has other grandpa's you are papa john the best there was. my heart is a little empty today but i know in time i will see you again. i love you always yesterday today and all tomorrows.

Sandra Hernandez

February 9, 2007

Hi Pops. The kids and I went to visit you and mom on Sunday 02/04/06. I am so lost without you. Everytime I needed to talk I would just drive up the hill and get your take on the things that were bugging me, and now when i get that feeling i just feel lost without your words. Buster is doing good he turns 12yrs old this july and goes for his first hunting class. He still remembers that big hunting trip you two were going to take.He is still planning it but now Richard and I have to take the class and take him. You know how iam with a gun?? I have tried to live up to all the promices I made you. Richard got a promotion thru UPS and we are doing good. Finnally you would be proud of him. He misses to so much. It took a long time for you two to get close. (years). Katie Sue is still playing softball and applying for college. You would be proud. My diabeties is doing ok, i have my good days and bad days. well goota go get back to work. i love you pops!!! i will never forget all the talks walks and dances we had. i know you are at peace with god and mumma by your side sitting in your rocking chairs on the poarch at the cabin in the sky. i love today tomorrow and all yesterdays, sandy

Laurie Rubio

January 29, 2007

Hi Papa John,
I can't believe it's been a year since you've been gone. We went to see you on January 15, 2007. I bought you a small cage with a cockatiel in it and Mom a cow figurine. I come and visit you and Mom often. Everyone misses you very much. Words can not express the pain we feel from our loss of you and mom. We still gather at church every Sunday and pray together as a family. Brandon is taking guitar lessons you would be proud of him. Our next visit he will play you a song. Mike, Steph, Destiny and the boys are doing well. They have a dog and chickens and hens. Pops you would be proud of Mike. We all went to the snow on 12-30-06 and had a blast. After the snow we stopped by and said a prayer with you and mom. Pops I miss my mom so much but I know she missed you more. I see you guys in my dreams and you are so happy in heaven. Continue to give me strenght to get through this and tell Mom I love her forever.

Love Always,
Laurie A. Rubio

Bonnie Sivyer

January 15, 2007

Well Dad, it seems I've survived a full year without you. I've been dreading today for weeks. All of us have been depressed but it took us a while to figure out that it was because this date, the anniversary of your passing, was looming....and now here it is.

You've stopped coming to me in my dreams and I seldom hear your voice anymore. I still remember it clearly, I just don't hear it anymore. I don't know if it's because you've truly moved on or if it's just that I'm coming to terms with your death. Maybe a little of both.
I miss you so much that I still can't keep your pictures around. I have them put away and hope that the day will come when I can have them around to remind me of you. Right now it's just too hard.
I didn't sleep at all last night. I don't even know how many hours it has been since I last slept.

I also wish Cindy and I could do something together today but I don't think it will happen due to the weather here. Even if the weather were better I'm not sure I'm up to facing the reality of what happened on this day a year ago.
I miss you so much Dad! I'm trying to learn to cope and deal with such a huge loss, but it is so hard.
Meagan has been having a hard time too. She wanted so badly for you to meet your great grandson and she wanted someone to take a picture of him to your grave for her.
I can't believe I'm a grandma. I think having Conner join us when he did saved me from completely losing it all.

I hope you are at peace and that you are enjoying this new chapter. Your glorious transformation is complete and I know you are in the presence of God. May he bless you always.

Love,

Bonnie

Cindy (Bynum) Foster

January 15, 2007

Hi Dad,
It's me again.
I've been isolating today. Refleting on so many things.
Every day since I have been in recovery I read from a book called "Just for Today ~ Daily Meditations for Recovering Addicts". I wanted to share todays with you.

It talks about how powerless we are, how living on self-will is frightening, and we can become overwhelmed with our fear of life. In recovery, by turning our will and our lives safely over to the care of the God of our understanding, we learn that a Power Greater than ourselves can relieve our fears.
If and when we feel afraid, we ask ourselves, " Is this fear an indication of a lack of faith in my life?"
Just for Today: I will rely on the care of my Higher Power to relieve my fear of life.
Amen.

My favorite saying today is
"LET GO AND LET GOD"

Love ya Dad!

Cindy Foster

January 15, 2007

It's hard to believe that it's been a year today. I was really worried about today. Afraid that this day would come and I wouldn't be able to handle it.
I have a wonderful person in my life today. She's my sponsor, her names Amy. She gives me great advice. She once said, this pain won't last forever. It had to do with a situtation in her own life, but I never forget that. My heart hurts, I miss you so very much, but I know that she's right. Today will be hard to say the least, but I know that it won't be as hard as it was last year. God got me through then, and I have faith that he will get me through today.
I called Micheal yesterday, we had a good talk. I spoke to the boys, they sound great. He is doing right by them. I am so proud of him, you would be to.
Bonnie told me you came to her, that you were worried about me. I'm ok Dad, I still struggle, but I need to. I don't give up and I don't quit believing.
It's going to be a long day today. I hope Bonnie wants to do something with me. That would be nice. If we weren't having an ice storm I would go to the lake and put some flowers there. Bonnie and I did that for Aunt Dalores, Uncle Levi and Jeff.
Your greatgrandbabies are really growing. The twins will be two next month. Isaac will start school this year. WOW... I'm a grown up! When did that happen? Me, a grandma! Pretty cool. I had the best role model in the world. Are you really together when you leave here? I hope so. I like to think so. Give her a big kiss and hug for me. Tell her I love her.
I love you too Dad. I miss you, but I know you are no longer sick or hurting. That helps when I get selfish and wish you back.
I know your there.
And I can always come here, to sit and chat, this helps.

Cindy Foster

January 11, 2007

Hi Dad,
It's been awhile since I've visited you here. I think of you every day. The pain has eased some with time. I am finally able to go through some of my old pictures of us without breaking down in tears. I can remember the good times we had when they were taken and be grateful we had them together. I wasted so much time being angry, but I can't change that. You tried to tell me that before you died but I wouldn't listen. Wonder where I got that from? I'm so glad you found your peace before you died. Somehow, in your death, as bizzare as it seems, you have helped me find that peace also. I have learned to trust in God again, to have faith. I guess knowing that you are in heaven, somehow watching over us, was enough. I had not prayed since Jessica was 4 years old. I was angry because I thought He made her sick, that He was punishing me for something I had done wrong. I couldn't even pray when you got sick. I didn't believe. I knew you were going to die and there wasn't a damn thing anyone could do about it.
Then you got babtised, and you started to believe and not fear death. You knew you were going to be with Jesus. I knew He forgave you, He just wouldn't forgive me for losing my faith so I just hated more. Then you died! I hated everyone then. I hurt so much I thought I would die myself. But God never gave up. He kept on loving me and waiting for me.
I don't hate anymore today Dad. I wish I could sometime go back to tell you that but then maybe I wouldn't know the value of the lesson. Through terrible heartache comes wisdom I suppose. I love you Dad, and I miss you so very much.
your daughter,

amanda aller

September 2, 2006

hi papa, well the first few days of 8th grade were great, but others were not. I've desided to get homeschooled untill i can possibly head back out to Kansas. Boy I sure do miss you! one day i found all of the letters you and my mom wrote back and forth to eachother. i wish me and my dad did that. i know that i have made some bad choices latly but i promise you that i will ask god for his forgivness and will make the right choices.

i love you Papa! but the only thing that i can cope with is that i will soon walk the path of your little wooden caben. i love you papa, tell grandma i love her too.

Bonnie Sivyer

August 25, 2006

Hi Dad,

I can't believe Mom has gone to join you. I have to believe things are better where you are than they were here.

I don't know what to do, Dad. You asked me to promise you things that I really don't know how to keep.

I wish you were here to guide us and tell us how to handle all of this. We want to honor both of your wishes but we don't even know what they were.

Please forgive me if I'm unable to carry them out. I don't know what to do.

I love and miss you so much! You'd be so proud of Shawn. He's doing great in his Navy program and it looks like he has a shot at getting into Annapolis.

Meagan had surgery yesterday and is recovering. You'd be proud of her too. She's had to fight some big battles and is a wonderful mother. Your great grandson is growing like a weed and I'm sorry you weren't here to meet him.

I wish you could be here for Meagan's wedding next month.

My birthday is coming up and it will be the first one I've had since you've been gone. It won't be the same without you. I miss you so much! I can't look at pictures of either of you yet. It still hurts too bad. Life is short and every year passes quicker than the last. I'm rambling, but that's how I've always talked with you so you should be used to it.

I love you!

Your daughter,

Bon

Cindy "Bynum" Foster

August 20, 2006

Hi Dad,

I'm sorry I didn't write for your birthday. I still struggle with sorrow. I am doing much better. I have turned my will and life over to the care of God. I try to pray for guidence and strength every day. To thank him for strength and wisdom he has given me to get this far. I have come a long way but have very far to go. It's a journey I look forward to now. Mom is with you now. She came to be with you 3 days after your birthday. (I would hate to think your as demanding there as you were here. lol)I wrote to her last night. You have each other again. No more suffering for either of you. Your birthday was very hard for me. It was one of the "many" things we had in commen. My birthday is tomorrow. I still haven't found the memory stick, but now I will get two, one for you and Mom, I will celebrate for our birthday's. still. I know you are both in a better place. I miss you both but I have my memories and I will never loose those.

By the way, I have two birthdays next week. I will also be celebreating 90 days clean and sober. When I found out you were going to die, things changed, life changed, I changed. I had already lost so much, or so I thought.

I thought if I could take care of you good enough, I could make you better. I set my self up for failure. I thought if I could take care of you and Mom and the boys properly, you would forgive me for dissappointing you all those years. Again, I set myself up for failure. You were my Dad, I may have dissapointed you at times but your love was always unconditional.

I just got sick, I just somehow thought I let you down, that I didn't do enough. I know now, that I did all I could with what I had at that time. I wish things could of been different. But I did the best I could with the tools I had at that time. And you know........ I wouldn't have missed that time spent with you for anything in the world. In all it's saddness and struggles, we were together. I was able to do things for you that I never thought I would do. Like cut your lip when I was trimnming your mustach, or blow your nose, rub down your back and chest. Give you a sponge bath while taking instructions from Rudy. It was honor Dad. Thank you. I love you and I'm going to be ok.

Bonnie Sivyer

August 1, 2006

Today is your birthday. Cindy went to Weston to buy a memory stick and light a candle. I couldn't go because I was too emotional.

Where did the years go Dad? It seems like yesterday you were reading stories to me and saving me treats from your lunch box.

Your grandson, Shawn, was baptized yesterday. The preacher spoke of how all those in heaven were celebrating. I cried because I knew he'd be with you again someday and knew that you were rejoicing along with Grandma about Shawn's salvation.

You have a beautiful new great grandson. His name is Conner Lee Vestal. I love him so much and he is what has helped get me through losing you. He would have loved helping out up at Papa's but will never have the chance. We'll be sure to tell him about you through pictures and stories.

Your wife is very sick but we haven't heard from any of the family except Michael Julio. He is staying up at the house taking care of the boys. I really hope it turns out that she is okay and that she doesn't plan on joining you any time soon even though I know she misses you. I'll keep calling Michael for updates.

I don't know if you celebrate birthdays in heaven but if you do, I hope yours was a good one. I miss you very much and will love you always.

Until we meet again,

Your baby,

Bon

Cindy Foster

June 25, 2006

Happy Fathers Day Dad.

May you fly with the angels and sing with the doves.

I miss your physical body, but I feel your emotional and spiritual presence near me all the time. So vivid I can even sometimes smell your cooking early in the morning. Some might think that's strange. I don't care. It's what gets me through the tough times.

I am doing much better now. I know you were worried about me when I was with you. I'm sorry I worried you so. I just wanted to make you better and I couldn't and I didn't know how to accept that. I am learning. As I always will. As we all will.

Save a place for your family. We won't be there for a long time, but till then, I will take care of your greatgrandbabies and grandchildren. And I will do my best to watch out for your daughters. Although, they watch over me nowdays, Thank God.

I Love you Dad,

Your Daughter,

Puddin

Belinda Martin

June 24, 2006

Hi Dad,

Well we went through our first Fathers Day without you,at least here on earth.I did get to go visit you,i took you some nice yellow flowers,a ballon,and a flag,from all of us girls.I noticed your neighbor was a vet,and he had nothing,i thought of giving him your flag,you already had one,but i guess i was selfish,and just put it on yours anyway,i have thought about it alot sence,and i know you would of been proud if i had given him that flag,so i promice the next trip i make i will take that neighbor a flag,and maybe a flower or to.I sure do miss you,i still listen to my voice mail so i can here your voice.I kept one of your messages,and i am glad i did.I love you Dad,i really miss you.You would be proud of Cindy and Bonnie,they have stood strong,having bad days of course,but doing well,Cindy has come along way,she has made some positive changes in her life,and feeling real good about it,You would be proud.Bonnie has done alot of changes in her life too,she is back to the old person she used to be,and believe me thats a good thing,she will be a grandma soon,i know she will make a good one,as for me well we know about me,i just kind of linger through the days,but im still sober and grateful for that.Thats about all the news here.I hope you knew before you left how much we love you,and still do,I will hold on to knowing that we will be together again some day, untill then enjoy your cabin on the hill, and keep the coffee brewing for me..........love you always

Belinda

Bonnie Sivyer

June 21, 2006

I thought of you on Father's day. I stayed in bed all day cause I couldn't face the first father's day of my life without my father. It was pathetic and I know you would have wanted me to get out of bed and quit moping but I just couldn't.

Shawn flew to California a few weeks ago to visit your grave. He was dressed in his Navy Whites and we got a picture of him saluting you and one with his hand on your headstone. He wanted you to know he kept his promise and joined the service and that he misses you. Your legacy is living on.

Speaking of legacies, your great grandson will be born soon. Possibly even this weekend. I wish he would have had the chance to know you. Meagan cries about it a lot because she realizes what a treasure her baby will miss by not knowing his Papa John. We'll make sure he knows about you through the sharing of our memories.

I see pictures of you around the house and sometimes I'm overcome with disbelief that you are gone. Your voice is still so clear in my mind that it's as if we just talked yesterday.

I see you in my dreams and hear your voice often. I wonder if you are talking to me or if it is just my imagination playing tricks on me out of grief.

It's probably just that I love you and miss you so very much that I'm replaying every loving memory.

You have a strange daughter, Dad. I'm overly sensitive but your death has taught me to grow up and take one day at a time. I wish I could have remained your baby forever but time moves on and life is only granted to us for a time. You made the best of yours and that's what I'll try to do with mine.

Part of me went into the grave with you but the rest of me has resolved to live on.

May God bless and be with you and may the angels sing the most beautiful bluegrass you ever heard.

Love forever,

Your loving daughter,

Bonnie

Belinda Bynum-Martin

April 7, 2006

HI DAD,

WELL I HAD ANOTHER BIRTHDAY,AND THE DAY BEFORE..IT HIT ME,THIS WILL BE THE FIRST ONE THAT I DONT GET A CALL FROM YOU.I REALLY MISS TALKING TO YOU,AND LISTENING TO YOUR STORIES.I MISS YOU MORE THEN YOU WILL EVER KNOW,HOW I REGRET THAT I DIDNT SPEND MORE TIME WITH YOU, I GUESS WE TAKE FOR GRANTED WE HAVE ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD,BUT THE TRUTH IS WE ONLY HAVE TODAY.I HAVENT BEEN BACK TO THE MOUNTAIN IM STILL NOT READY, BUT IM WORKING ON GETTING THERE SO I CAN RELEASE THREE DOVES, ONE FOR ME CINDY AND BONNIE, FOR SOME REASON I HAVE THE NEED TO DO THAT.I HOPE YOU HAVE ALL THE BLESSINGS THAT WERE PROMICED,AND I HOPE YOU HAVE FOUND PEACE.I LOVE YOU DAD AND I MISS YOU VERY MUCH.....................WITH LOVE FOREVER, BELINDA

Bonnie Sivyer

March 31, 2006

Hi Dad,

I guess it's harder to let you go than I thought it would be. I've kept your things stored in my office since your funeral and just started going through them today to file them and put them away and in order.

I came across some old poems you had written and found one entitled "Dear Daughter". As I read through I just fell apart all over again.

I know you don't want us crying but it's so hard when you were taken from us so soon. If only you know how much I miss you and long to feel your comforting hugs.

I feel so sorry for people who don't believe in God. That is my only hope that gets me through these times...the thought of being with you again someday.

Are you with the babies? I never thought of them being alone without a Daddy before but today I was thinking that they'd been without you a long time and it is good for them to have you to hold and cherish them. I'm sure Grandma has already been playing with them and Aunt Rita's twins and all the other babies since she got there.

These are the things that bring me comfort.

Shawn is coming to California this summer to visit your mountain and your resting place. He misses you and is so honored to be your grandson.

Nobody can ever say you were not loved. We all shed tears of loss all the time and will continue to until the day we meet again.

You are my hero and I love you.

Bon

Bonnie Sivyer

March 2, 2006

Dad,

I can't believe you've been gone over a month. I miss you so much and think of you every day. I wonder if the tears will ever stop flowing.

I keep wanting to call you to keep you up with all the news just like I always have but then I remember you aren't there and it breaks my heart.

It isn't fair, Dad. I know you wouldn't want my crying but it is so hard to comprehend that you are never coming back...that I'll never get to lay my head on your shoulder again, or feel you hold my hand, or wake me up by tickling my nose with a feather. I'll never wake up to the smell of you cooking bacon and biscuits and gravy or just walk through the country talking about silly things.

How can that all be gone forever? I don't understand.

I've prayed...I've tried to grasp it, but I can't. I want you back. I want to talk to you again. I'm so mad and sad at the same time. Nobdody taught me how to lose you.

Meagan is engaged to a nice man. You would have liked him. The baby is strong and healthy and a BOY!

Shawn got a nice frame for your burial flag and he has your military photo in it as well. That and the gun you left him are his prized possessions.

I took out your guitar today and noticed that your fingers wore the varnish off the areas of your favorite cords. I held it close to me and happened to smell the guitar strap. It smelled just like you still. I just held it to my face for a long time soaking in what is left of you and trying to ingrain your scent into my memory forever.

I love you so much Daddy. I hope you are happy where you are now. You are so brave and I am so afraid. If only I had an ounce of your courage.

I miss you and will try real hard to get through this.

God be with you always.

Your baby girl,

Bonnie

Cindy Foster

February 9, 2006

Dad,

When I heard this, I thought of you and how at peace you were with dying. I imagine this is how you felt. I hope so.

I love you Dad

Cindy Foster

February 7, 2006

Dad,

I have come here many times and can never write. This isn't right. I miss you so much, there's so many things I want to share with you. My heart hurts still everyday. I am trying to heal, I know you would want me to. I talk to you at night and tell you about your great grandchildren. It makes me feel better. I'm so glad I got to spend some time with you before you got really sick. I'm sorry I cried so much. I wanted to be strong for when you were weak, but I couldn't. I knew you were dying and all I could do was watch. I want you back. I want you well again, I want your arm to be larger than your tattoo. I want your hair back and I want to look into your eyes and hear your laughter. I want to wish you happy birthday, Happy Fathers day, and all those things that kids do. I feel like a little girl, almost lost, looking for her Daddy.

Did I ever tell you how very proud I was to have you as my Dad? I am. Thank you for all the wonderful memories. I will never forget! I will listen for your laughter in the sky. Give Grandma a big hug for me. Till we gather again, I will remember!

I love you great big,

Your middle daughter,

Cynthia Deanne Bynum (Foster)

HELEN DANIELS

January 26, 2006

Johnny,

I attended your service a few days back and it was real nice There was alot of family and friends there. Bonnie saw a hawk circling and thought it was very appropiate. The mountains were so beautiful, you would've loved it.

I am so glad that we were able to make amends to one another before you left. it made our girls very happy.

Johhny, I promise you that I will always see after our girls, grandkids and great ones that will follow.Your kids will miss you but I think they are more at peace when they know that you now are.

I feel that you are with your loved ones that went before you,and when you meet the two babies we lost years ago,you will hold them for me, ok?

You had a good wife John, and a lot of people that will miss you,but hopefully the healing can now begin, knowing you are not suffering anymore. Rest now, you've earned it. Helen

Edee Matthews

January 24, 2006

My deepest sympathy goes out to each of you in your loss. I am glad I had the opportunity to know John through bluegrass music.

Tom Bynum

January 23, 2006

Papa-John

I hope you will always bring me a few gallons of gas, when I run out.

At least enough to get to the next Station.

Gonna miss you

Love Tom & Ruth

Bonnie Sivyer

January 22, 2006

Dad,

I miss you and don't know what to do with myself. I caught myself calling to check on you several times today out of habit. I ended up calling Aunt Ruth who told me that I can let all that go because Jesus is now with you and you are having a great time in heaven with all your loved ones that were there to greet you.

I'm so glad we had the chance to say goodbye. Your last words to me will always bring me comfort when I am missing you,

"Don't be sad, Rejoice, Rejoice, Rejoice! for a wonderful transformation is taking place!"

You then asked God's blessing upon me which I believe was powerful and received by Him for He is giving me the strength to get through this. I can't say I'm rejoicing, but the tears have ebbed some and I can feel the stirrings of a spiritual healing.

I'm thankful for that one last kiss and hope you were able to feel it. I believe you took my tears to heaven that I sent with you because I have felt a peace within me since then. Thank You!

That transformation took place exactly when and how you said it would and I have assurance that you are now safe in the arms of our Heavenly Father.

You will always live on through me and the stories I will tell of you. I believe you will be with us when this first grandchild of mine is born and I can only hope to be as good a grandparent as you were. You set the standard high.

Your bravery through your battle with cancer was an inspiration and the fact that you never gave up on God, even when you must have wondered if he had given up on you, will be a testimony of faith for generations to come.

May God hold you forever in the palm of His hand until we can be together again.

I will always miss you and I can't promise that I will no longer cry, but will hold tight to the memories and try to be as brave as you have taught me to be.

I love you always!

Your baby girl,

Bonnie

BELINDA MARTIN

January 22, 2006

ALL THOUGH I WILL MISS YOU ,I KNOW YOU ARE NOT HURTING ANYMORE.AND WITH THAT I FIND COMFORT.I LOVE YOU DAD,I ALWAYS HAVE AND I ALWAYS WILL.THANK YOU FOR HELP MAKING ME INTO THE WOMEN I AM....NOT A BAD THING I PROMICE.I WILL HOLD DEAR TO MY HEART THE THINGS YOU HAVE SHARED WITH ME,AND THE MEMORIES YOU HAVE GIVEN ME.UNTILL WE ARE TOGETHER AGAIN YOU NUMBER ONE DAUGHTER

BELINDA

sharon barnard

January 22, 2006

John, I've always believed that death is not an end to forever, it is just the start of a new adventure. I hope you enjoy yours, but you will be missed by us. I love you..

Rita Derry

January 22, 2006

Johnny, my big brother, I love you so much. We will miss you for now but someday we will have a beautiful family reunion in Heaven. I imagine you being there right now, free of pain and helping momma make biscuits.

Love, your little sis,

Rita

Amy & Dan Jacobs and family

January 21, 2006

Uncle Johnny you will be missed. I know you are reunited with Grandma Nellie and looking down on all of us. You will always be in our thoughts and prayers. Love to the family. Wish we could have been there with you all. Amy, Dan, Morgan, Madison, Adam and Allison

LEE MURDOCK

January 21, 2006

May the resent sad times be washed away by your many memories of the good times you had with him.

Meagan Sivyer

January 21, 2006

Papa, I'm sorry I didn't make it to your funeral. I'm having a hard time here. I'm not doing very well being pregnant. It scares me and I'm not sure what to do. I'm so afraid of losing my baby. I don't think it would have been a good idea for me to have went. It would have been very stressful and not good for my baby. Know that I wanted to be there and it hurt not getting to say goodbye like the rest of the family did. I want to thank you for being my moms dad and giving me a chance to be here and have a child of my own. I want you to know that my baby will always know of his Papa John and how wonderful of a man he was. No one will ever replace you papa and and I will love you and remember you for the rest of my life. I'm sorry that I couldn't be there and that I couldn't say goodbye. I love you so much and I hate that my baby isn't going to get to know you. I know that you will watch him grow from where you are and always get to see what a wonderful gift you have given me by allowing my mother and then me to be a part of this world. I love you Papa. Forever and ever.

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