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Roy Otto Resnikoff M.D.

1943 - 2021

BORN

1943

DIED

2021

About

Rutgers University

Roy Resnikoff Obituary

Roy Otto Resnikoff, M.D.
1943 - 2021
La Jolla, CA
Respected La Jolla Psychiatrist, Dr. Roy Resnikoff, passed away peacefully at his home on March 13, 2021, after a long battle with dementia. His last day was spent with family and caregivers telling his favorite jokes, sharing stories, and listening to his favorite songs. His younger son, Alan, was by his side, holding his hand and stroking his head at the end. Dr. Resnikoff was the third of three sons born to first generation Russian immigrants. Raised in a home of modest means, Dr. Resnikoff was very active as a youth, playing baseball and running cross country for his high school before attending Rutgers University where he graduated near the top of his class.He put himself through medical school by playing piano at New York jazz clubs, sometimes in concert with his brothers, and even after a successful career as a doctor, he continued to play piano at local La Jolla restaurants such as Cody's, simply for the love of the music and the energy of the patrons.He originally moved to San Diego with his first wife, Philomne, after being drafted into the Navy as a Psychiatrist during the Vietnam War. Dr. Resnikoff was a regular presence in downtown La Jolla where he lived and practiced medicine for more than forty years.Having spent his formative medical school years in New York, he loved great food and enjoyed trying new local restaurants interspersed with his regular visits to Harry's Coffee Shop, Spice and Rice, and Alfonso's. He successfully coached many years of youth baseball, and less successfully youth soccer, and served as a volunteer music teacher, leading instruction in the recorder for his sons' classes at Bird Rock Elementary and La Jolla Elementary. He could frequently be seen playing golf at Torrey Pines, riding his bike around La Jolla, or swimming at the Cove well into his 70s. Given his propensity for wearing speedos, he was hard to miss.As important as his presence in the La Jolla community were Dr. Resnikoff's accomplishments in the field of Psychiatry. Dr. Resnikoff served on the faculty of the Gestalt Training Institute in San Diego under the tutelage of his long time mentor, Dr. Erving Polster. However, he was best known for his integration of family therapy and psychopharmacology, helping countless La Jolla families navigate and recover from traumatic experiences. His book, Bridges for Healing: Integrating Family Therapy and Psychopharmacology, was the culmination of his learnings after more than four decades of practicing medicine. Above all else, Dr. Resnikoff respected connectedness and abhorred violence. He was known for his gentle spirit, deep intellect, and boundless energy, perhaps driven by his love of strong coffee and late night espressos.He is survived by his two older brothers, Neal and Don, his two sons, David and Alan, and his five grandchildren, Owen (15), Molly (12), Avery (11), Brooks (9), and Ryder (6). The family would like to express its sincerest gratitude to Viola Stump and Brae Canlen of Jewish Family Services, and the tireless love and attention of his caregivers, whose efforts allowed him to stay in his home to the end, which was his wish. The family held a private service at Spice and Rice and the Cove to celebrate Roy's life. In lieu of condolences please consider making a generous donation to the Lewy Body Dementia Association (LBDA.org) and sign the guest book online.

Please sign the guest book online at legacy.com/obituaries/ lajollalight

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Published by La Jolla Light on May 6, 2021.

Memories and Condolences
for Roy Resnikoff

13 Entries

Philip Greenberg

November 27, 2024

Roy used to see me back when I was 8 or 9. And when my sister Danielle passed in 2002, he helped frontline in my battle against the grief and depression.

I haven´t seen him for over two decades and was sad to check in and hear of his passing.

To David and Alan: your father was a significant contributor to my ability to cope with life. I can safely say he was instrumental in my development as a kid.

I wish your whole family well. And I treasure his memory.

Thank you. May your days be light and joyful.

Phil

Eitan

July 26, 2024

I distantly knew my classmate Roy in Plainfield High School Class of 1961. Roy was a gentle and quiet guy. We ran into each other and spoke briefly at a medical meeting. Today I remembered him again. I remember Roy fondly.

Carolyn Kurtz

February 15, 2023

I learned so much from Roy over the years as someone who was able to be there for many of his professional presentations. And he was such a delightful person that it was always easy to listen, learn, and enjoy.

Phyllis

April 12, 2022

Hi David and Alan,
I only learned of your Dad's passing yesterday- almost a year later:/ I am a former waitress at Harry's restaurant where your papa was a frequent guest with his care taker Mayisha. He was a kind, unassuming sweet man and I watched as he often struggled to articulate his meal needs to us the wait staff & Mayisha. My sincerest condolences are wished to you and your family! Your dear papa is missed; he was a cheeky, ebullient ray of light! :)

Ellen Jacobs

June 11, 2021

I’m so sad that he’s gone. Roy was kind of a professional big brother, bringing me into the offices he shared with Debbie on Eads, providing me with the best consult notes when I referred my patients for meds, and warmly welcoming me to the study group at the house. We shared a love of music, biking to and swimming at the Cove. I’m glad he was home till the end.

Lisa Braun Glazer

May 19, 2021

Dear David and Alan,

I have fond memories of bike riding with you and your dad many years ago. As you may remember, he had rigged up a three-wheeler with a generator motor and two kids’ seats on the back which he rode all over the place. I recall many rides chatting about psychotherapy as you two happily piped in about the visuals along the way.

Your dad was a singular human being who will be greatly missed. I am so sorry for your loss and hope you will find comfort in your memories of the warm. vibrant, funny, energetic and entertaining guy that he was.

Warmly,

Lisa Braun Glazer

Susan Ulevitch

May 11, 2021

To David and Alan, We were friends with your father beginning in the mid/late 70s ... as colleagues, neighbors and new parents. Then saw him only sporadically while we lived in Del Mar. Though he did play piano for an anniversary party in 1984! Moving back in 2007 to 'the Village', I saw him often. On his bike, at the gym, at concerts, hearing him play at restaurants and walking around town even when in his decline. He always had a warm greeting, time for a chat and that genuine Roy smile. He was part of my life in La Jolla .... I will miss him. Sending condolences to you and your families on this sad loss.
-- Susan Ulevitch

Nate Treadwell

May 9, 2021

Dear David and Alan,
I’m deeply saddened by reading your father’s obituary in the LJ Light. While we have not connected in decades, I have very fond childhood memories shared with you both, and your kind and gentle father. What I remember most about your dad was his boundless generosity. As a child, I was introduced to fine dining by your father during Wednesday afternoon lunches when he would pick David and me up from minimum day at school and take us to Esperanto for a Curry chicken croissant! I also remember a trip to Universal Studios and a ski trip to Brianhead, UT where he rented a Cadillac as our transportation! His generosity was so genuine. These were all wonderfully memorable times that I wouldn’t have been able to experience otherwise. I also remember him patiently teaching us music on the Flutaphone. A tremendous man who made an impact on so many people in the La Jolla community. God Speed Dr. Resnikoff. And David and Alan, I hope you can find peace and solace, and even a smile, in the many fond memories you have of your father. He was a special man.

Betty Glass Loggia

May 9, 2021

My deepest and most sincere condolences to Roy's family. It was so sad to hear the news of his passing. I went to elementary school with Roy -- Evergreen School, in Plainfield, N.J. -- as well as high school. Roy lived on Arlington Road. Our brothers were friends. He will be missed.
My strongest memory of him is that he was a consummate musician. He had a band in high school, and their theme song was "Sentimental Journey". They played at many parties and school events. Piano was Roy's instrument.
Smart and compassionate are two other words that describe Roy.
We grew apart but maintained some contact through high school reunions.
I can picture Roy telling jokes in his final hours!! Certainly typical of his relaxed manner, his easy smile. RIP.

don resnikoff

May 8, 2021

From Roy’s brother Don:

I am about 2 years older than Roy, and when we were younger we were particularly great buddies. Roy and I overlapped attending Rutgers college – I was in my third year when he entered his first. We had a R&B/jazz band together that played parties and other events. That included a long running gig at a modest Staten Island bar that catered to young people crossing the State line from New Jersey to New York. New York had a lower drinking age.

Our band’s mix of R&B and funky jazz was something like the music in the movies Animal House and Blues Brothers. One year we won the First International College Jazz Competition held at the Grossinger’s Hotel in the New York Catskills. The judges were a prestigious group, including famous jazz pianist George Shearing. I approached George Shearing after the competition and asked if he thought we had potential as a professional group. He asked me what we were doing and what our plans were. I said that I was planning on going to law school and that Roy was planning on medical school. He said “I would stick with that.” Roy and I both followed that advice.

Roy and I laughed a lot when we did things together. We tried to do well when we played our music, but we had a lot of fun. The Grossinger’s event was an example. We were happy to get a vacation with elegant meals and outdoor activities we couldn’t afford to pay for. I think that one reason we won the competition is that the R&B tinged jazz we played conveyed a sense of fun, rather than a dry academic quality.

In recent years, when Roy's abilities were challenged by frontal lobe dementia, the ailment left many of Roy's intellectual abilities intact for a long period, even while others were impaired. Roy remained determined to be upbeat and use the abilities he had in even the most difficult situations. There was the memorable day when my son Paul joined me and Betsy on a visit to Roy at a hospital psych ward in San Diego. We saw that Roy interacted with other patients in an upbeat and supportive way. He talked to them, asked questions, and listened. Roy, Paul and I offered a short musical performance. Roy played piano while I played bass trumpet and Paul played electric bass. Patients gathered around and listened and even danced. We played Herbie Hancock's "Watermelon Man" and other tunes that Roy and I had played when we had our R&B/jazz band during our college years.

Roy wanted to convey the message that the psychiatric care he observed and experienced during his time in locked facilities lacked the level of doctor to patient personal interaction that Roy had championed in his own work as a psychiatrist. He worried that psychiatrists had come to focus on diagnostics and medications and neglected simply talking to patients. Roy told me the story of a fellow patient who threw a fork at another patient at dinner. Roy engaged the patient in conversation after the incident. The conversation taught Roy about what was bothering the fork thrower, and gave Roy a chance to engage that person in a helpful way. That is what he thought psychiatrists should do.

In the last period of Roy's life he was not in a locked facility. He was at home, wonderfully cared for by Mayisha, Kat, and Aishah. Brae Canlen of Jewish Family Services of San Diego provided an excellent social work foundation, and, remarkably, Roy’s ex-wife Philomene chipped in generously. An excellent Hospice service helped a lot. I recall walks with Roy and caregivers Kat or Mayisha where there was lots of talking, and a lot of laughing. I can't imagine better care, for which I and other family members are very grateful.

Don Resnikoff

Neal Resnikoff

May 7, 2021

A few thoughts about Roy from brother Neal-- May 2021
I am so sorry we have lost Roy prematurely to an ailment that needs a lot of research and effort to prevent or develop a cure for others. I think we need to pay attention to trying to support ongoing scientific work on this, as well as to so many other ailments needing much attention.
I am so sorry for the many people and families who benefitted from Roy’s compassionate and effective psychiatric help, and the others who he could have benefitted had he been able to continue longer. According to his office mate, Debbie, patients are still calling the office for Roy, asking for his assistance.
And I extend deepest condolences to Roy’s sons and others who were close to him, including brother Don, and the wonderful caretakers Mayisha, Kat, and Brae Conlon. Philomene did outstanding supportive work during Roy’s period of decline.
But, aside from feeling so sorry for losing Roy, I think this is a good time for remembrances about Roy, and for learning from his very positive contributions to life and the society. And so I want to share a few thoughts.
Roy, 8 years younger than me, always seemed to be an ebullient and energetic go getter, in general and in school, and in high school baseball. He was in all of the advanced classes in high school. People in high school called him Smiley. He cheered people up. He was always a very active person, as opposed to someone who is rather passive and consuming culture.
It is only recently, after reading some of Roy’s autobiographical assessments in his psychiatry papers, that I realized that Roy felt intimidated at home as a child by his parents. And that he went into psychiatry as a way of trying to be helpful to others who were suffering from problems in their families.
After listening to Roy’s stories about providing therapy to his patients, it was obvious he was very helpful to many others.
Roy’s great knack, it seems to me, was analyzing the interpersonal relations in a family and trying to figure out practically what rearrangements might be helpful, and how to achieve them. And from stories he told us when we visited and presentations of case studies he wrote, Roy was often very successful at doing that.
Roy wrote a book and articles sharing what he tried to do and how he did it. I hope many people learned from him. I know many people often attended his seminars. I found his stories and case studies fascinating.
I was very impressed by remarks by Roy’s mentor and colleague, Dr. Erving Polster. He said that Roy’s work breaks boundaries and makes an important contribution of encouraging practitioners to break out of narrow bounds that may have limited their effectiveness. “By merging positions, Dr. Resnikoff opened the range of therapeutic optionsthe breadth he offers is both impressive and sorely needed.”
Dr. Polster points out that family therapy, Roy’s specialty, which involves bringing various members of a family together and working with them collectively as well as individually, is generally not done, or done well. Dr. Polster says Roy “helps make family therapy accessible” to others in the field.
This illustrates how Roy had a wholesome and practical relationship to people who came to him for assistance.
In his own family, I know that Roy watched very carefully to see how his sons, David and Alan, were doing in growing up. That is, he was much more than someone who worked with his patients and shared his knowledge with others through his teaching, articles, and book.
Roy also had a wide range of interests, from playing tennis and golf to rooting for the Padres baseball team and attending games to classical music.
Roy always had classical music on at home on his good sound system. And he played the piano and kept learning and practicing new pieces, such as by Brahms. Roy even made a good quality cd playing some of his favorite classical pieces. He liked sharing with others, and played the piano at various restaurants. He was a generous patron of the LaJolla Music Society.
Roy loved good food, and he always enjoyed the meals he got in exchange for his playing at restaurants. And he shared that love of food by taking Betty and me to many a very good restaurant in the area.
Roy invited Betty and me out to his house many times. He always set up a very busy and enjoyable calendar of activities.
Roy conducted a never-stop daily routine of activities for himself, starting the day with bagels, lox and cream cheese, and then often following that with tennis or golf, a work out, swimming out to the mile buoys in the Cove, and bicycling.
So, the busy schedule he set up for Betty and me was a reflection of his way of doing things. The calendar for us always included a swim out to the buoys in LaJolla Cove for me, and some walking or wading for Betty, preparation of good food at home or out to the many fine restaurants he took us to, and going to concerts presented by the LaJolla Music Society.
On Roy’s relations with others, I know that he was always concerned about the well being of his sons David and Alan as they were growing up. Roy had a number of friends and people who were close to him. And people came out on various occasions to show their support and love of Roy.
I think it is noteworthy that Roy, while in a nursing home, paid attention to problems other patients were having and tried to do what he could to help them.
For Betty and me, Roy was very supportive and always went out of his way to give us a good time.
Roy generously played music along with brother Don at our wedding reception in Yonkers, New York, and Roy played the piano at our 50th wedding anniversary in Chicago.
In addition to the wide range of Roy’s activities that I have mentioned, Roy was interested in what was going on in the wider world in terms of U.S. politics and various social issues, as well as movies and plays. He read the New York Times every day. And he would engage Betty and me in discussion about politics and our assessment of problems and situations in the society and how to address them. And discussion about the content of movies and plays we went to. Roy would not always agree with what we had to say. But we had many friendly discussions and, as he said in a hand written note to Neal and Betty inside a gift copy of his book Bridges for Healing, “I’ve appreciated your thoughtful comments and intelligence. You have forced me to question and to considerpositions on almost everything.”
In summing up Roy’s life, I think it is important to see that he made very positive contributions to many others in his life. I think that is the kind of spirit we should remember and seek to emulate in our lives.

Marcia Robinson

May 6, 2021

If you lived in the Queen City of Plainfield, New Jersey in the memorable 50’s, the name of Roy Resnikoff brought “music to your ears”! Not only because Ry was a gifted pianist, but he was much more than that. Smart, personable, funny, kind and more were easy to use when you were defining Roy! If the popular TV show “Everyone Loves Raymond” was a program in the 50’s, that show might have been called “Everyone Loves Roy”! This classmate will be soooooooo missed by all at our 60th reunion just a few weeks from now.

Marcia misses Roy already!

JOANN SCANLON

May 6, 2021

I knew and remember him fondly. In our senior year, Plainfield High school, 1960/61 I was in a talent show at Plainfield high school, singing Honeybun from South Pacific. Roy was my accompanist with his fabulous piano skills. I would run on stage, throw him a sailor's hat to match my own and off we would go. I certainly did not know him well but knew I could count on him. Joann Lopresti Scanlon

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