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Alan Feuer Obituary
Patiently and lovingly, Alan taught and guided generations of young Quadrille Ball dancers not only in the art of the Quadrille dance but also in civility and etiquette thereby helping them to appreciate the timeless values for which he stood and lived by. He opened his heart to many and in return they opened their hearts to him making the Quadrille community his family and home.
Since 2006, Alan also served on the Quadrille Committee. He will be missed tremendously by everybody who has been involved with the Quadrille over the last 35 years. He has touched all of our lives and hearts through his passion, empathy, generosity, dedication, charm and sense of humor. Always dapper and mild mannered, Alan Feuer was old fashioned in the most beautiful sense of the word, the perfect gentleman – inside and out. Alan, we miss you!
For the Quadrille Committee, Irmintraud J. Jost and Thorsten Schmidt
The funeral service will be held on Saturday, March 31, 4 PM at The Church of the Incarnation, 209 Madison Avenue, New York, NY 10016.
If you wish to make a donation towards a Quadrille Scholarship in Alan Feuer's name, please send a check made out to "Germanistic Society of America" noting "Alan Feuer" to Quadrille, P.O. Box 1325, New York, NY 10163 or go to quadrilleball.org.
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Barbara Elling
March 25, 2024
And Nicholas Elling, whose arrival into the world you celebrated with us and whose graduation you celebrated with us was a dancer in 2023 and my escort for the 2024 Ball....both of us remembered you fondly on both of those evenings and missed you. Your legacy lives on....
The Elling Family
Gordon Cooper
March 24, 2024
The 63rd Quadrille Ball was just a month ago on 24th Feb. Many of us attending remembered Alan with fondness. Several approached me in my role as the event's MC to say they still missed his presence. As we will miss him this Tuesday, 12 years since his passing. A good friend and sage counsel whom I remember on many other days each year. RIP Alan.
William Bryk
March 22, 2024
Knowing him enriched my life. I will never forget him.
WILLIAM BRYK
March 22, 2021
I think of Alan whenever I ride a horse, which brings to mind my Irish ancestors. He would have been at home in the world of the Anglo-Irish Ascendancy with his exquisite and kindly manners, and, as important, that world would have been at home with him.
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Olivia Alexander
February 1, 2021
Alan brought warmth and common sense to my life in New York City. If my dear mother had not been a force in my joining St. Barts, I would have missed the blessing of Alan who was inherently sweet.
Karl and Elling
March 23, 2020
Dear Alan, 28 years ago you and some Quadrille friends were planning the annual Hungerian Ball at the Ellings' (both Quadrille Alumni) apartment. Suddenly Nicholas Elling decided to enter the world, so as his Mom was rushed to the hospital by her family, you were left to tend three year old Bettina. You fulfilled your role as babysitter, unaccustomed as you may have been to it, with your usual charm, probably telling Bettina how pretty she was, and it made her happy as it made all the ladies you flattered so convincingly during your entire life. Later you called yourself Bettina's and Nick's Godfather and celebrated important junctures of their lives with them.
And, Alan, we are proud and pleased to tell you that the Quadrille Ball is alive and well, young and vibrant; and that Bettina is now a member of the Ball Committee. I know that would please you.
Gratefully yours
Barbara Elling
President, Germanistic Society of America
March 23, 2020
Barbara Elling
March 23, 2020
Dear Alan,today 28 years ago you and some Quadrille Ball friends were planning the annual Hungarian Ball at the Ellings' (both Quadrille alumni) apartment. Suddenly Nicholas Elling decided to enter the world, so as his Mom was rushed to the hospital by her family, you were left to tend his three year old little sister. You fulfilled your role as babysitter, unaccustomed as you may have been to it, with your usual charm, probably telling Bettina how pretty she was;and it may have made her as happy as it made all the ladies you flattered so convincingly during your entire life.. Later you called yourself Bettina's and Nick's Godfather and celebrated important junctures of their lives with them.
And, dearest Alan we are proud and pleased to report that the Quadrille Ball you nurtured and supported for almost 40 years is very much alive, thriving, young and vibrant. And that Bettina is now a member of the Ball Committee. I know that would please you.
Gratefully yours
Barbara Elling
President, Germanistsic Society of America
March 23,2020
DEMETRIA daniels
March 23, 2020
At every important social event, if Alan was there , you already knew it would be a success. His charm glued people together with a very high spirit
William Bryk
March 22, 2020
Eight years have gone by, and I have never forgotten this kind, good-natured, good-hearted gentleman. I was always happy to see him in the room. God bless him. May his memory endure in the hearts of his many loving friends.
May 17, 2013
alan zachary feuer,whom i was priveleged to know for more than 40 years was a gentleman of the old school who did so much to make a great deal of difference in this world did everything for everybody.they say that if you are lucky enough to have one true friend in life you are very lucky indeed . that was the kind of person alan was.i am sure that he is up there at the gates of heaven helping st peter at the door and welcoming everyone with his usual gracious and courtly manner. in my opinion, there has never been anyone who had a heart of gold as did alan.God Bless You now and forever and until we meet again may He hold you in the palm of His Hand. Your devoted servant and eternal friend,Roger M.L. Schmitt
Noelle Newell
July 16, 2012
I met Alan at the English Speaking Union 94'. I attended many balls afterwards as Alan was always encouraging youn people to participate. It occurred to me today that he might have died. I've been out of the loop since, I have been recovering from the personal loss of my Dad. Alan knew my Dad and I just didn't have the strength to tell Alan. Alan had some very wise things to say sometimes. We will miss him. If it wasn't for Alan I may never had the courage to learn to waltz...
Diane A. Davis
May 12, 2012
I knew Alan as a very dear friend, Quadrille ball and waltzing partner for more than 30 years. Alan was the most elegant, debonair gentleman I've ever met. With a grand smile, Alan was always willing to help others, always teaching us gentility and civility by his example. May you rest in peace Alan, knowing how much we loved you. Your presenece among us is truly missed.
Kristen Slusser
May 9, 2012
A kind soul, help giver and true friend will be missed greatly. Our condolences to all. The Slusser family
Elisse Goldstein-Clark
May 8, 2012
I have many fond memories of Alan, from balls at the Plaza, as well as other events, and I think of him often. He was charming, bright, fun, funny, and very definitely a gentleman. He is missed... B"H, may he rest in peace.
Maya Beynishes
May 7, 2012
I am very fortunate to have met this man! Being a part of Quadrille under Alan's supervision and inspiration has forever changed the way I view/live/and feel in New York. I loved Alan's sense of humor, his poise and always being his own character. Thank you Alan!
DEMETRIA DANIELS
April 26, 2012
So sorry for the lost of Alan, he was the most debonaire person I have met at every important formal event in NY
As writer of Gotham Gossip, I have seen
him as a gracious, smiling, and important New Yorker who came to the dance no matter what.
Demetria Daniels
Stuart Sharpe
April 25, 2012
Alan and I were fraternity brothers at Ohio University. Even then, he was one-of-a-kind, with a dry wit and an engaging style. And the best dancer among us!
The New York Times article and the online tributes are testament to a life fully lived and a legacy to be envied.
Well done, Alan. Rest in peace, my friend.
April 24, 2012
I will say simply that I enjoyed knowing Alan (whom I last saw "smoking" his pipe a year or so ago on a Lexington Avenue bus)and admired his upbeat spirit in the face of personal adversity. Like other former members of St. Bartholomew's Community Club, I shall miss him and pray for him. May God bless his soul.
William Bryk
April 22, 2012
Alan was a gentleman. I can pay him no higher tribute. I shall miss him.
C. Alexander Brown
April 22, 2012
Alan has gone, but his light has not gone out. I hope his many friends will create a legacy for him in the form of a foundation and also perhaps, some scholarships.
George Strum
April 22, 2012
Alan reminded me so much of David Niven and I admired his suave and classy manner at all the balls I attended and he was present. May he rest in peace.
April 2, 2012
It was so sad to hear that Alan has left the scene, a scene which he had done so much to create. It was a world of form, tradition, and manners. Philipp has known Alan since the 1970's, when there were seemingly endless balls, dinners, and events, on which he always bestowed grace and charm. Philipp remembers the dinner tables bedecked with silver and crystal, the dancing. What a parties!
And then there was the Quadrille. Alan had an unerring instinct for the right arrangement, the elegant touch, the proper tone, introducing generations of young people to this special world. Alan will be truly missed.
Susanne and Philipp von Türk
Allen MacCannell
April 2, 2012
Alan Feuer was the Oscar Wilde of our time and I was honored when he seemed to take on the role of "Lord Henry" to my "Dorian Gray" (in a good way - he advised me to settle down and get married from the start) after we met at a pre-Hamptons party at St. Bartholomew's Community Club when I worked at the UN.
Apparently I'm not the only one who considered him one of their best friends in the entire world. He counted as one of the 5 people I would call on their birthday (the other 4 are relatives). He laughed off his cancer when we spoke last fall.
It goes without saying that he was the biggest thing I missed about New York City when I took the decision to move overseas long term. He would have made sure I was happily married to an heiress if I hadn't gone after the Doktor Zhivago life on the steppes here in the Ukraine.
Servicepeople and military vets had no greater friend than Alan Feuer. Once, at a ball, a very rich woman insulted some West Point cadets by saying they didn't deserve to sit a table at a high society ball after doing an honor guard "show". Although the cadets were not in earshot, Alan quickly learned (from me having words with her) that she had said that and he had some very public words with her himself. She may even have stopped getting invitations to the balls. He had that kind of power and presence (like a bouncer at a nightclub, he wouldn't hesitate to personally eject a guy twice his size from a ball who boisterously flouted decorum).
He was a man's man and a lady's man.
Alan's death is a huge personal loss to me and, probably, most who knew him. Manhattan itself has just experienced the end of an era.
Heide,Anya,Audrey Herz
April 1, 2012
Alan, thank you for taking the time to leave us with so many fun and fond memories. You will always have a place in our hearts.
Gordon Cooper
April 1, 2012
I've known Alan Feuer for half of my life! Thanks to a chance meeting 32 years ago during a social at St Bartholomew's Community Club on Park Avenue.
The outpouring of love and respect for Alan; in letters, e-mail, hundreds of posts on FaceBook and on the N.Y. Times Obituary page, all detail his many fine qualities. There is one quality Alan had that I'd like to highlight. That was his ability to read his fellow human beings. This talent sprang from a generosity of spirit and tolerance that was often hidden by Alan's affectation of High Society ways.
This talent to read and befriend, took me, a brash young shipbroker at a St Bartholomew's social, and guided me into one of this magical city's other worlds. The world of Society Balls and cultural elegance.
Alan may not have enjoyed the agonies and joys of having children, but like the legendary guide Lord Baden-Powell, Alan has set many of this city's youth on a better road. A talent many a parent would relish.
So thank you Alan for 32 years of friendship and fun. Thanks also for the privilege of letting me share some of the final dark hours of your last promenade, but I'm sure you are in the spotlights now!
You'll be missed, but not forgotten.
Cheers Alan!
Lorna Rinear
March 30, 2012
Alan was unique. In many ways, he was a bigger-than-life character. A marvelous addition to any party or ball, he had a dry wit - delivering his comments on people and the world with an extensive vocabulary and a stylish panache. He was classy in the true old-time meaning. But in my family, he is particularly and fondly remembered for teaching my son Rob how to tie his shoelaces!
I will miss you, Alan.
Robert Parker
March 29, 2012
Alan was a classic gentleman with his charm, wit, and panache. His presence at so many of society's premier events attest not just to his love of a good party. He taught so many that chivalry is not dead and it lives on through so many who knew him. He will be deeply missed but his legacy of class and joie de vivre will endure as an inspiration.
Jennifer Rolfe
March 29, 2012
Alan I will always be expecting to see you around the corner whenever I attend a ball in Manhattan; you will always be missed and forever held in the hearts of the many who love you.
Michael Ahern
March 29, 2012
Alan Z. Feuer was the role model extraordinaire to the true gentlemen and ladies of New York, and especially to me. I've met a lot of people who've influenced my life in a lot of ways, but no one did so much for me and in such a short time as Alan did. And all he had to do was be Alan. Thank you, Alan. You will be missed, remembered, and honored.
March 29, 2012
To the Elling family Alan was like a beloved family member. To the Germanistic Society of America his wisdom and diplomatic skills were invaluable.-Barbara Elling, President, Germanistic Society
Dana Markiewicz
March 29, 2012
New York has lost an Icon with the passing of Mr. Alan Feuer...the character, legacy and style he brought to all he touched will live on for generations to come. You will be greatly missed sir!
Natalia Kostus
March 29, 2012
Alan, I revered your charm and style every time I had the pleasure of you company. You will be in my heart and sorely missed.
Tiana Matthews
March 29, 2012
Alan was such a dear man. I remember the first day I attended rehearsal for Quadrille. He made a speech to all of the dancers, and then afterwards came up to me and remarked on my smile. He made me feel so comfortable and welcome. Alan, your sweet heart will forever be etched in the memories of all you touched. I wish you nothing but happiness and peace as you enter the next stage of your life.
Jo Guthrie Jr.
March 28, 2012
Alan brought dignity and style everywhere he went, and brought it out in the people around him. He is sorely missed.
Kristin Tsuchimoto
March 28, 2012
Alan, the ever consummate gentleman, you have served as such an inspiration for all those that have had the fortune of knowing you. I hope to live half the life you have lived with such charm, grace, and joie de vivre. Thank you for your friendship.
Ian Bone
March 28, 2012
I learned so much from Alan Z. Feuer about how to be a gentleman - lessons the likes of which can never be replicated. I only hope I can evoke a fraction of his charm, wit, and joy for life as a testament to his memory.
Willa Cobb
March 28, 2012
Alan, the amount you will be missed is unfathomable, as was your great generosity of spirit. Thank you for sharing so much with so many, and with me.
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