Anthony Ranson

Mon Ami mate

I wish I had known you better. I always loved you and always will.

Goodbye Tony
Love Liz x x x

My dearest Anthony,
Another birthday of Nichola's you have missed, can hardly believe it.

We went out for lunch instead of dinner, much better idea, this is where our girl wanted to go, based in Cambridge, god how we loved going there on Saturday's.
Make you laugh I was looking at the odds and sods for sale when the manager came over to talk to me, asked if I had been to any of Jamie oliver's restaurants before, it would not surprise you I know that I told him we had, we went to the one in Padstow I informed him and it was absolutely crap, his face was a picture, eventually asked why and I told him, you could of died that night when I informed them of what I thought of their food, stating I served my pigs I had as a child in Cyprus far better slop... But it was very nice indeed today.

My highlight was when Alex asked Nichola what was wrong with the man with the guide dog was he deaf, then Mimi saying shall we go outside for a cigarette Yiayia, she wanted to play and knows I go out for a smoke and that is a sure way to get me out, it worked but it sounded terrible.

That is it, nothing more to say, except the obvious my darling Anthony, oh how I would love you to be home and being my Victor, too quiet here by far.

Always,
Elene xx

Oh Sweetie,
I do not want to say anything really, but because in the past, twice, I had forgotten our wedding anniversary, I did not want you to think I had forgotten that today would of been our 13th!

I was looking at my cards you had given me, and felt so sad when I read the one in particular, 'Seven years today, who would have believed it, but I really mean it', is exactly what you wrote.

I should be grateful that we had nearly 12 years, but I am not, not at all. Neither of us had, had the easiest of lives then by finding each other we had it all but not for long enough....

Always in my heart and soul is where you will be my Mr. Ranson, by husband, my chum.

Elene xx

My dearest Anthony,
Odd really as I have been thinking about writing to you but somehow I was not sure how I feel about it any more!!

Had our Mimi all day today, did not want to go to play school, finally asleep now, she has made me laugh so much today, I could hardly believe it myself, but tonight, I told her to leave your radio alone as you would be cross if she broke it, her reply, 'Yiayia Dandan is not real anymore, he does not talk to me'!! Says it all really, I was so very sad, like my writing, do I really think I will get a reply or a sign, although I dreamt about you last week, and my god it was so very real, you were in bed with me and we were chatting away, I was mortified when I finally woke up and realised it was merely just a dream, it felt so wonderful to see you and feel you.
I instantly took Mia over to the collage telling her of course you were real and went through all the photographs with her, she seemed quite happy then pointing out everyone that was with you in the many photographs.

Poor Judi has just text me to say she is sitting in a lovely hotel room on her own in portugal chatting to Justin, I replied that my heart goes out to her and that is the main reason I cannot bear being away from home, what for, to be even more alone, at least here I am surrounded by you and our memories, yes just memories. Remember one time when you were really not so well at all, you begged me to shout at you, to have a row, so things could be normal, we were not used to being that nice to each other every second of the day, that is how I feel now, what I would not give for a good heated arguement, well dream on Helen...

Love and miss you so very much Sweetie, always,
Elene xx

My darling husband,
Well, here I am, to now begin my second year without you!! All I am left with is your pain, now mine too and our memories, not a lot to show for 12years, but I suppose I should be grateful for them as I do sure have lots of memories.

As you said I will be alright, I have the children, but thank god you left me with some of your wonderful friends also, it would of been impossible for me without them.

I love and think of you everyday, every minute and will do so until we are reunited Sweetie.

Elene xx

Boxing Day my Sweetie,
Your Nichola with all her home made desserts, you should have seen the starters and mains, curry theme, you would have loved it!!

What else can I say, other than I cannot wait for New Years Eve to be over and done with, I am definately stopping in on my own, always hated that time of year, it was only when I was with you I ever ventured out, last year I spent it with Jude, Dave took us out to lunch then we spent the evening having a showdown with the Dipstick, him and the Fruitcake are really history now, cannot say I am sorry, sorry.

So lonely my Anthony, really I am but I hope you are too without me!!

Always,
Elene xx

Well my darling, Christmas Day, it will never be the same, although at this very second I was almost happy you were not here, I forgot the potatoes and they are good for mashing not bloody roasting, oh you would have been so stressed with me, so just doing them all over again, thank god I was not my normal mean self and got a big bag!

Here are the children yesterday for their Christmas Eve presents and traditional buffet.

Love and miss you so very much my Sweetie, you know the rest.

Elene xxx

PS got roaped into going out with Alex's parents last night, hell, Miss American Pie came on, Nichola looked at me with tears in her eyes as I bolted, then minutes later, Ride Sally Ride, she just sobbed, our wonderful holiday in Minorca, we did not want to go to the Kariokee, but did for Nichola, that was it, we went every night, we just loved it and you joined in a couple of times, said to Nichola I could see you in front of me with your Levi jacket, which for the first few years together was almost a must!

Oh my dearest Anthony,
Nearly Christmas Eve, just not the same around this house without you, us getting up at the crack of dawn to go shopping...........

Been out since 6.45am, on auto pilot really, took Nichola to M&S to help her with her shopping, had a real row with the woman serving us, I did ask her where her Christmas spirit was and said she obviously had none, not too impressed, Nichola could hardly believe what she was hearing, and yesterday, well road rage from hell, I nearly got out of the car to punch this woman, Simon was on the other end of the phone to me, all he could hear was the foul language, eventually when I finished, he just said he would never in a million years have believed that was me, she asked for it though Sweetie.

I got home, and I could of died, the radio from your room was blaring, that is the first thing I do still when I get up, go in there and put it on with your table lamp, what was playing, 'Bye Bye Miss American Pie', still feel sick now, how many holidays in Cyprus did we have, none without you getting Kyps to play and sing to this, although you did not have to ask him after the first few years, he did it for you automatically then followed by 'I've Been a Wild Rover' for me!

Think I had best go now, my head is banging, I cannot stand the thought of Christmas without you again, although last year I was just not with it at all, still in complete and utter shock, as Jude says 'oh deary me'.

I love and miss you with all of my heart, my husband, best mate and companion, I always will.

Elene xxx

My dearest Anthony,
This is all I managed to do this year, and only to those whom I have an email address for, so not that many really, you will remember this photo as you were here, except my mate Tony Collins added the red bits to it for me!
Cannot bear the thought of signing cards without your name, odd as Lyn said to me this morning, she could not send me a card without your name on it, what have you done to us all, or to yourself really, nope, not part of your master plan. god do I miss you Mr. R....

Always,
Elene xx

Look my Anthony, a rare nice photo of your Piranha and little Piranha, at Maggie's 70th, I think we were slagging someone off, there is a surprise!

I do laugh some times, just not that often Sweetie.

Just told Derek to give Arwil and Nichola their P45's, taking the mick out of me, I would not tell them where I was going as I could not be asked, bloody busy bodies, only going to see my mum, then Avril proceeded to say to Nichola she thinks I am working for MFI, god how you all laughed at me when I thought Sophies dad was working for M15, and banging on about what dangerous work it must be, you and Nichola looked at me as if I were mad and you said, 'How can it be dangerous working for MFI you idiot, but if I know you, you have got that mixed up too with the secret service', I felt such an idiot but so did that poor girl! Oh well.

Love you and leave you now my Sweetie.

Elene xxx

My dearest Anthony,
Not sure what I want to say today, not a lot in truth. Poor old Michael would of been 63 today also, never thought about it that you were actually a few weeks older than him, just adds to the sadness of absolutely everything, as your David would say, 'unbelievable', well he would except he is no longer here either, god it is so bloody unfair.

Christmas is really getting me down, I am trying, I know you would want me to for the children, but I could honestly thump some of these so called happy people, who never stop to think when they are going on and on that I actually have nothing to celebrate!

Dave was round earlier, I had to text your Lyn and Jude and tell them what Mimi has said, she walked off with the photo of you and her that has always been on my desk, well since January 2010, our first trip to feed the ducks, saying 'I wish, I wish Uncle Dave' Andrew obviously asked her what she was wishing for, Mia looked at him and said 'I wish for my Dandan to come home right now, I miss him Uncle Dave', Andrew's eyes just filled up, I had to walk off, could not handle it. I cannot believe she remembers you so well still and talks about you all the time. Needless to say Lyn and Judy were emotional at having read my message!
Little cow then had a tea party, she dragged your photo over and proceeded to give you a cup, oh my goodness what a mess, but who is the idiot for filling her teapot up I wonder?

She has gone now, think I need a rest to get myself together, bless her, I would be lost if she were not around, I certainly have no time for moping that is for sure.

We all miss you so much Sweetie, we really do, and, we always will.

Elene xx

My dear Anthony,
I took our Mia Elene to Van Hages on Sunday for an extra treat, just like her Yiayia, was supposed to have lunch but stuffed herself with a huge Mr. 99, oh well she enjoyed it.
Not only did she go on the Carousel twice but I went on the train with her too, least I got away with one ride only, last time she wanted a third, was asking too much of me.

I cannot help wondering if you know or knew how much we would all miss you, I could not sleep at all last night, kept looking at your pillow and thinking you will never, ever lay next to me again, pondering the last time you told me to roll over as you wanted to spoon me not long before you left, that too will never happen again, or will it, who knows, I am so tired and have such a horrible headache today.

Love and miss you so very much my Sweetie, your Piranha really does pine for you, hope you are too.

Elene xx

Now why does this photo not surprise you Sweetie, I suppose some things do not change! We went to Hertford together today, he bought a hat for Mimi but in the end kept it for himself, no wonder we all call him Dave.

Love you My Anthony, always,
Elene xx

My dearest Anthony,
Had to show you this, Mimi wearing the christmas lights, said she was my fairy for the tree, which I am of course not having, we have all decided we could never have a real tree at Dormers again, that was always your job!!
Back in a moment Sweetie. And by the way, you were right when you said you had never seen a prettier child and not just because she was ours, your words.

Oh My Anthony,
It is with a very heavy heart that I am writing to you, your Mia's first play, been down all day, partly because I had such a good time with Jack, so nice to be a bit normal but am missing him and thinking about today, how you would have loved it, I just feel so much pain for you. Your best friend Paul said you are seeing it all through me, maybe, who knows, but not the same Sweetie, you so wanted to pick her up from her first day at school and attend all these things, I can still here you telling me, you did not want a lot, and that you were not ready to go just yet, so bloody unfair...I tried my best as you can see, she was so happy to have us all there.

I had to write today though, in hope. The little madam told me she was going to be a princess in the play, well she was a stocking, how funny is that, and on the way home Nichola taped her singing Jingle Bells, at the end of each chorus she added 'ha ha ha', you would have been so amused.

We all left and went straight to Ware for the Dickensian evening, must like punishing myself, that made me worse, then Mimi and I left to come home, JB had text me earlier to say he had signed for a recorded delivery letter and left it in the post box, was here gardening, so I pulled up and collected it, we got inside and I looked, it was a recorded delivery letter for you from Hulsta in Germany, you know how I chat away to Mimi and I told her it was for you, she replied, 'Please Yiayia, please let me give it to Dandan', last straw really, especially when in the week we got a card from the Broughtons addressed to Mr and Mrs Tony Ranson, I had not informed them and was so surprised no one else had, I have written to them sending an order of service, poor them!

Best go now and take my misery else where.

Love you now and always will.
Elene xx

Sweetie,
God how I am missing you, could not sleep at all last night, you were constantly on my mind, it is unbearable, this morning I had a text from Judi saying she feels like she does not want to carry on, I know exactly how she feels, why you, why Justin...

My Jack is here, he is in bed now, the only time I have laughed in weeks and almost felt human, showed him your book, loves it.

Night my darling where ever you are, please know how much you are loved and missed, always.

Elene xx

Hello Sweetie,
Photo of our Mia Elene today, roast chicken and by god did she tuck in, you will see you are still there from breakfast time, in fact that is the first thing she does when I am bringing her breakfast over, 'I will go and get Dandan Yiayia mou'.

Your silly wife has bought her moon sand, what a mess, still I got it so I best not harp on about it, she loves it. You would definately be telling me off with all my sighing, I did it earlier and she asked me. 'What is the matter Yiayia mou', love it when she says 'mou', you would so adore that, anyway I replied that I really am missing you, she instantly said, 'Me too' then a big sigh, she is so adorable, you two would be playing for hours, I know you would.

Well that is it, I am home now, dropped Mimi off and popped to Judy's cottage to collect the last of the leaves, I did do that last week but there was still a few more, and as we have always said if you are going to do a job best do it properly, so I did.

Going to have an M&S toad-in-the-hole, which always reminds me of one of the first times our Lyn came round for dinner, and I did just that, it was absolutely disgusting, and I was sober, never attempted it since did we, or should I say I.

I do miss you, more than you could have thought possible, how I would love for us to be having a row right now, you so missed that when you were ill as it was just not normal was it my Victor, so we had a scremaing fit just for a bit of normality.

Elene xx

My dear Anthony,
Here we all are, at the Village Taverna tonight for your birthday, everyone is posing and saying hello to Jude as she was adament I take a photo. I emailed Jude and said I dread to think what your mate Banikos must have thought, not much of a grieving widow if she is out and taking photos!
Alex had a few Keo's for you and Nichola and Andrea shared a bottle of red, so we did alright.

Could not help feeling odd sitting in there for the first time without you, best get used to that I suppose Sweetie, I have no doubt as to where you would have rather been.

Do not feel like saying anything else, goodnight, god bless and I hope your God is with you.

Your Wife,
Elene xxx

My dearest Anthony,
I just received the following text message from your beloved Hermie:

"I had this message for my lad but encompasses Mr. R as well.
Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for a while and leave footprints on our hearts and we are never the same again"

How very apt. Had a wonderful text from your little Sophie too, in fact I have had quite a lot.

Your mates miss you so very much Sweetie, they really do, Miss Davis was dining tonight at the restaurant you both went to when you were in Dubai for Gillie's 50th, sat at the very same seat...

You will always live on in so many hearts, mind you did brake a few yourself when you were here!!!

Elene xx

I'm not sure really what to say today other than I wish you were here, but I wish you were here everyday. So much has happened since you left, and there is so much I desperately want to share with you. You wouldn't think I was bonkers with my wedding obsession, in fact, I think you'd be putting me to shame with your constant measuring. I'm not as accurate as you would have been! Well at least I'm putting my 'sticky-back plastic/blue peter' course to good use. God knows who I'll talk to about my hair...
I really miss you and would give anything to tell you that I love you one last time. I hope you know how much I did (still do) love you.

All my love, now and forever,

Nichola x

Happy Birthday old friend, hope you are behaving yourself up there !

My darling Anthony,
Your 63rd Birthday, what is there to say, absolutely bloody nothing is what there is, literally!

Cannot help feeling wretched today for you and for me, but above all for you, you had so much to live for Sweetie, you really did.

We could have gone out tonight for your birthday, but I was happy to leave it until Thursday, just gives me a bit more time, we will go to the Village Taverna, you loved it there, I am sure a few Keos will be consumed on your behalf, just to keep the side up.

Always, always in my heart and soul.

Elene xx

Dearest Tony,
Do you celebrate birthdays up there?
Pic of your wife, in the days she enjoyed wine gums. Miss you zillions.
Jude xxxx

Wishing you a Happy Birthday from us both x We both miss you so much, wish you were still with us xxx

Here we are my Dandan,
I still remember everything because I love you so much and we still have breakfast together, always.

Yiayia sends all her love too.

Mimi xx

Here I am Dandan, she says the ducks are nearly as greedy as me!!

Yiayia has a photo on her desk of you and me feeding the ducks too, wish you could have come with us.

Love you,
Your Mia Elene xx

Look at me Dandan,
I am nearly three, well next year I will be and Yiayia still washes me in the sink!
Still I will not complain, she was a good Yiayia yesterday and I told her she is my best friend, she took me to feed the ducks, then took me to Toys R Us and got me lots of nice things, I did not have much to play with at your house and she is stuck with me until Sunday afternoon, she is soooo lucky, or not she says!

We do miss you so much, and Yiayia is always sighing, I do too now, she says you would be cross with her, but I do it all the time too now.

Will show you a photo of me feeding the ducks in a minute.

Bye bye my Dandan but I keep telling Yiayia you will be back, so until then, love you.

Mimi xx

My dear Anthony,
Not sure what I have to say today really, not a lot in truth. Am on a different planet today, hate Sunday's even though it was always my favourite day of the week, nothing to do but please ourselves!

Our Mia Elene on Friday from play school, I was so pleased Kate and Simon were here when she asked 'Pea's Yiayia may I have one of MY Dandan's lollies' can hardly believe she still remembers the orange lollies were yours, well that is it now, just one more left then they will all be gone.

Going to Judi's for lunch today, poor cow had a rough week also as it was Justin's birthday, and yours is looming, your 63rd!

My love always my Anthony.

Elene xx

My dearest Anthony,
Your mate Thomas and I at Georgina's wedding, I think you would say your Little Piranha looks like nearly crumpet!

I am smiling about the night you and Tom Tom bonded, what an outragious evening that was, Andrew's 21st, finished up at 8am the following day. That stupid woman, Lady whatever her name was, commented on how alike we were, well Thomas went into one, said she was not fit to lick my boots, and as for you, any person that made his 'Bells' that happy had to be a bloody good bloke, yes you were loved by all that met you, well there was the odd person that did not like you, but that was always of your doing, if you did not care for some one you sure let them know, you did not suffer fools very easily did you Sweetie.

That is it, back to doing, yes, Dave's washing.

xxxx

Yea not bad for an old bird who does not wear make-up!

Oh Sweetie,
Look at what we found, it was originally in with your things in a folder with a certificate, you two paragliding, remember how I was terrified and you laughed at me, oh such happy days, such happy memories...
We miss you so very much, you may have not been blood related to my children but you certainly could not have loved them more than if they were your own, and they you, they adored you in truth, the family and stability you never had, but you lost all too quickly my Sweetie.

Elene xx

My dearest Anthony,
I am not going to say a lot, so down today, I did not sleep a wink last night, in and out of bed like a yoyo. Poor Mia, so full of beans, and I was like a corpse, I did do my best though, took her out, even went on the train twice at Van Hages, make you laugh, when I told her she was full of beans, 'Oh no I am not full at all I want my cup cake you promised me Yiayia'! Well she had that and a Mr. 99 while she was at it, believe it or not, I did not have one.

We are going to the fireworks at The Goat, and I just cannot help thinking how bloody happy you were when we went in 2009, Mia's first ever, you still have the photos you took of her, loads I may add on your mobile! You carried her everywhere that evening, even your Guinness took second place. God I miss you so much, burst in to tears today when I was in Hertford, poor little Badge insisted on carrying my bags from the shop to the car park, he did not know what to do with himself or me!

Still I best get going or I will be late, have to go for the children as I know you would want me to, must be honest if it were not for that I would stay home and mope, why not, I have every reason to.

Elene, always missing you, always will I am afraid.

My dear Dandan,
My first year out for Treackle Treating, I really surprised Yiayia, I do wish you were home too...

Love you my Dandan
Mia Mia Mia Mou xx

My dearest Anthony,
This is our Mia Elene at 6am this morning, not sure I was as jolly as she was, showing off her new dressing gown, bejamas and matching slippers. At 7am she was in the swing, saying, 'Yiayia why is it dark'! Could have strangled her. Talking of which I told her last night to get up to bed, I had, had enough, but she insisted on a bit longer to relax on Dandan's sofa, can you believe it, relax my foot, well she went on and on, then I told her enough was enough, it was 9pm and past her bedtime, I made the error of saying 'You are really taking the biscuit now', reply, 'Oh yes peas Yiayia', I replied 'Please to what', 'A biscuit you said I can have my Yiayia', that certainly was the wrong saying to use with our eating machine as you called her.

She got all her drawing material out last night, asking me to help her draw herself, me and she never fails to say please draw Dandan too, her finishing touch is to draw glasses on both of us, no, she never forgets you.
Loulou on Monday sung 'Mia, Mia, Mia Mou, she snapped back 'No, that is my Dandan's song', she did the same today and got exactly the same reply, Nicko looked so sad, she hates anyone else singing that to her.

That is it, I am so tired, going to have a lay down now, had a nice day, long though with my sisters and my brother.

We all miss you so very much my Sweetie.

Elene xx

Oh Sweetie,
I think your wife has lost the plot, not been a good week and now I am starting a new one and not much better, everyone I have seen today says I look ill.

This is our Mimi with Dave at his Rugby match, a whole half hour we were watching the game, looking so anxiously to see if we could spot him, course we could not, this would not surprise you at all, so typical of me, we were watching the wrong game, I had no idea there was three games on the go, had Mia not started wondering off we would have been none the wiser.

Earlier in the week, I went to M&S, get some food, walked over to get a ticket, came back to put it on the car, oh god no I thought, I have scratched the car badly, he will be furious, out came my tissue, gobbing all over it and rubbing real hard, just on the chance it was dirt or something, would not budge, oh well I thought, just leave it, so go to open the door, I realised it was not your Beamer, it was a VW, as I turned the chap whose car it was, was just looking at me in disbelief, I can hear you saying 'Sweetie you just cannot be trusted out on your own', as usual you were right.

I was up at 5.30am this morning, dreamt about you, we were out with Nonny and Sam, you were poorly but fine that day, you wanted to take me to see them, do something I would enjoy, so typical of you, they were telling me they were leaving the book trade and going to work for the church for £75k a year, it was all so clear, can you see that, never in a million years, and the church!! I was crying as I was so sad, and you reached over, we were in a taxi, stroking me as you knew what I was thinking, I will be left on my own soon without you and now I was to lose them too!!
So I got up and came to work, been scrubbing the office, so tired, spent yesterday in the garden, again you would be saying 'Why the hell are you doing that when you pay others to do it', just like I would clean at home before the cleaners arrived, you would really shout at me.

God do I miss you, please know that my Anthony..
Love you always,
Your,
Elene xx

Our Mia Elene my Anthony was fast asleep on the train back home last night, after an exciting evening in London, Disney on Ice.
Thought I thought this photo very appropriate, as she announced at 9pm she wanted to go to bed and go to sleep, then said 'Will you be alright Yiayia, don't worry Dandan is only sleeping, he will be back, I think I will read him a story tomorrow', in one sentece she can make me so happy and yet so sad............how sweet was that, continuing to say she will read you a story tomorrow!
She said she misses you too, I sincerely believe she really does Sweetie, she did so love you.

Night Night Sweetie, my dear old thing, as our beloved Michael Davies always said.

Always,
Elene xx

Hello my Dandan,
I know today is a very sad day, but I have not forgotten you and neither will I ever do so. Wanted to show you one of my new coats Yiayia bought me, she said a girl cannot have too many, my other is a fancy Barbour, you were right, she is a snob but I am very pleased about that.

On my way to see Disney on Ice.

Love you my Dandan.

Look Sweetie,
Nearly getting as good as you with making things, toilet roll and feathers laying around in the garden, as you can see she was well impressed!

Had her all day today, only just left so that kept me busy and my mind occupied! Tomorrow I have Heritage arriving to Landscape two of our flower beds, when I realised the day I was going to cancel it but decided no, Edward phoned me last week and said he would come next Thursday and I did not realise what date that was, not a bad thing.

I was telling Simon when he came to collect her that she asked me for an ice cream, duly got it out the freezer, 'Oh no, I do not want that one, I want Dandan's yellow Lollies Yiayia', I could not believe she remembered that, I still had two left in the freezer, not the ones that Richard got, what a laugh we had that day, not one item was the correct make and I was so particular, he mentioned that oddly the other day pointing out that Dave had the whole shopping bag as I did not want them and he did not either!!

It does make me so happy that she remembers every little thing about you, amazing at her age as she was so very young.

Will bid you good night as I do every night before I close my eyes Sweetie....

My dearest Anthony,
I can hardly believe that this very time last year I was almost excited, you were coming home, albeit for the very last time.

God how I wish it was last year, to see you again, just one very last time.

I miss you so very much, you were so more than just a husband and father, you were my mate, and that was more prescious than anything else, I could tell you absolutely everything, confided in you about all things, even at work I did nothing without speaking to you first, you were so involved, that is something that can never be replaced, you were there the second I or the children needed you, you were simply the best my Anthony.

Thank god I have Judy now, would be lost without her, and I am not forgetting your other dear firends who are so good to me, David, Lynn and your Richard.

But you are irreplacable my Anthony as no man could ever fill your boots, ever, not for me or the children, so until we meet again, I will remain,

'Your Elene' xx

My darling Anthony,
Your best friend Paul Nethersole sent me this, obviously in your county again, this is apparently where your first Claude Butler came from, obviously you will never be forgotten Sweetie, no once met, never forgotten.

I am so tired and stressed, arrived at Georgina's wedding so late I managed to walk in as it finished, had directions but you could not access the road, so got lost, some kind man drove for 15 minutes to take me to the venue so I could follow him as I was in tears whilst asking for directions, yes, what am I like, lost without you Sweetie is what I am, emotional at having to go on my own and to top it all I was beside myself as I knew I had missed it all and that, would not have been the case if you were here, it is times like this that I just feel I want to give up, I know I cannot but my god it is so hard for me, it really is.

Tired, emotional so going to see if I can relax before heading to my empty bed.........

Your silly wife xxx

And more mess my anthony, wanted to make sand castles, I am hopeless, 'Yes there is no hope for you Sweetie' I can hear you telling me that right now.

Well at least I can dream of what you would be saying...

Love you Sweetie.

Elene xx

My Anthony,
Penance for being naughty, sandwich, crisps and goodness knows what else. You always said I could never tell the kids off or know what the word 'NO' means, you were right.

Do wish you were here to see all this!!

Look Sweetie,
You can just about see, she used one of Mr. D's blue pens, apparently she drew a whole family, serves me right for turning my back on her.
She said she was very sorry but she did it for me and Dandan, well what could I say, scrubbed and scrubbed and no luck, except that cushion is now pure white and the others were obviously filthy, well I am not scrubbing anymore, the girls can do it on Monday.
I sent the photo to Lyn, she replied 'OMG hate it when that happens', exactly what you would have said.

We arae missing you so much, went to the paddock a while ago to pick some pears, a plane went by, Mimi said 'Oh look Yiayia Dandan coming too'!!

Love you more than I can keep on saying Anthony.

Elene xx

My dear Dandan,
Yiayia has been explainning about today, as I have only just got back from holiday and asked if you were back.
I gave her a cuddle for her, then I said I am giving her one for because you are not here still, you are in the sky, asleep in the aeroplane, so she is now telling you this for me.

I do miss you my Dandan.

Love Mimi xx

Oh she was upset because I ate all her sprouts, I thought they were big peas, but they were very nice!!

Sweetie,
You would be laughing at me, such care to ensure it went into your Mercury on time, I forgot your date of birth and the day you left....
I tried, you would reply 'You are very trying Sweetie'

xx

My darling Anthony,
Your first year away from home.
Elene xx

My dear Anthony,
You can only imagine how I have been feeling this week, in a trance most of the time, disbelief, cannot believe it is nearly a year.
I text Lyn yesterday at 11am saying this very time last year you were in bed with your mate, 'I know Sweetie' was her reply.

Got home yesterday, collected the post and just to make my day, I had an invitation from the London Oncology Clinic, to attend a Rememberance Day, how kind of them, I ripped it up, I may be a little short on outings and social events but that took the biscuit, I half thought of going just to give them a piece of my mind, the only procedure we had to pay for ourselves, five bloody grand and they cocked it up, causing you such pain, result, heart attack, not to mention what it did to me, your extra loss of weight, and the idiots write to invite me help remember you, you might of been here a little longer if it were not for them!
Infamy, infamy somebody has got it in for me!

Elene xx

Sweetie,
I just had to show you this photo, Kate sent several again today, but I love this one best, our Miss Piggy, eating Yiayia's favourite, porridge!
I do so hope you can see or at least know what is going on, I really do.
Love you.
Elene xx

Look sweetie,
Dave has done it, or as you would say my GB, and he sure is, well over seven thousand pounds collected! I was as nervous as hell, you would know that though.

That is it Sweetie, nothing else, still not opened any of my cards at all...
Love you so much Mr. Ranson.

Elene xx

My dearest Anthony,
My Birthday card from last year, still sitting in our display cabinet.
I rememeber every second of every minute of that day last year, laughter in the morning over my nursing skills, Dr. Steve's helpful comments, 'Call DynoRod out' we roared, tears when you gave me my card, then tears at 5pm when Richard drove us to Harley Street.....

Elene xx

Hello Sweetie,
I jsut thought I would show you one of the photos that our Kate has emailed me, Mimi on holiday, I am ashamed to say I cannot remember which Greek Island they went too!!

Simon says I have taught her well, all inclusive, she has not stopped eating, see, just like her Yiayia, I have missed her very much I have to be honest, so quiet on a Friday and last Saturday I was not sure what to do with my silly self.

So busy yesterday, finally, thanks to our Dave who hired a van, brought Nathan and Ali with him, we have now totally moved Judi out of the flat in Buntingford. She says she does not know how to thank me and mine, so I said I will have free Sunday lunches for life, which she thought was great if I bother to go, I should make an effort, best Sunday roast ever.

Oh well tomorrow is looming, I will try not to think about it, Judy says I must have a good time in London with Nichola, I will do my best, promise.

If you rememeber I went to London in 2009 with her which happened to be my birthday again, told you I have a memory of an elephant, you insisted I go and you gave Nichola your Barclaycard, that was great, got a load of great presents that year that you instructed her to purchase as there was obviously a bigger selection of shops. You picked us up from the station, dropped Nichola home, we went to the Millstream for a couple of drinks, Gretta phoned me whilst we were in there to wish me a happy birthday, was duly telling me how much you loved me, as you and she had several hearts to heart when you went to Switzerland the second time to help her clear David's flat, oh yes, amazing what I do recall, then we came home and you had already set the table and prepared the meal, fish!!

Best go now and leave it all on a happy note my darling Sweetie.

Always,
Elene xx

My dearest Anthony,
Another photo that John Kent sent me, again February 2010, I do so love receiving unexpected photos of you, 'What am I like' another one of your favourite expressions.

Been a funny old week really, I was helping Justin's Judi clear the flat in Buntinford, going again on Monday, then Andrew has hired a van for Wednesday to move her bits of furniture out, mission complete, but it was so odd as it has not really sunk in that he too has gone, sorting his clothes out, poor Judi could not do it, made me go cold really, then when we got back to the Moon & Stars, there staring at me was a photo of you both, so happy with your Christmas hats on, having a toast, I found it in your box, framed it and gave it to her, I could not stop the tears from silently flowing down my face, we just looked at each other in disbelief!

Kept myself busy today, popped round to give David his book as it is also his birthday today, very apt, then round to Dave's, was going with him to his helicopter lesson but it was cancelled, so I stayed and did his garden for him, he does so much for me bless him.

That is it, going to sit and watch the box now.

Oh I had my hair coloured, under orders from Jude and Nichola, claimming you would be furious with me for not getting it done, I know you would have been, all Nichola could say was praise the lord, we all know how she likes talking about her hair Sweetie.

Love you my darling, I really do.
Elene xx

Sweetie,
I know why my other nick name was your Little Ariston, I go on and on and on, forgive me, you are not here and I am still at it, 'pull yourself together' is what you would be saying, followed by 'do you think you are a pair of curtains then'.

Me and more bloody me, I am sounding like the horrible Fruitcake of yours, 'never sweetie' is what you would say, I am sorry, I am not moaning, not really, bet you would be laughing at me that I am still at it, doubting myself is what I do best, not you, poor you, that is what it is all about, poor you, I just miss you so very much, no one can blame me for that, not really.........what a waste, you had so much to live for, and so did I once upon a time, I really did.
Love you
Elene xx

My dearest Anthony,
I took this photo to send to your Jude, as she has heard Nichola and I go on about him, do you rememeber how you teased her a the Wordsworth Christmas party 2009, she was dribbling over him, then announced that is one person she can look after for me, you had some banter with her that day and evening, you really liked him too, had lots of time for him especially as he was so good to your Little Piranha!

You will always be my heart throb, never fear, I was boring poor Lyn yesterday, remembering, which is so vitally important to me now, how much you told me you loved me just a few weeks before you left and making sure I knew and really believed you, which I did, I do, but most important that I have just recalled, is when I told you how I wished I did not love you so much, but thought I still hated you like I did at times then it would not hurt so much, you said 'No, I knew my Elene was in there somewhere', and you were in our marriage for long term, your biggest love of all, well what I forgot was that you stated you had always known I loved you, it was others that came between us, why were you so wise I wonder, above all so patient with me, over and over you would tell me you loved me, why was I so stupid and insecure, my god, imagine if we did not have had those seven months together, I would be going insane now if you had just left suddenly. The closeness of those seven months was beyond belief, and I suppose now I am beginning to be grateful for that extra time we were granted!

Best get back to my Mimi now, they are off on holiday at 1am today, I will really miss her for two weeks, she was the love of your life too.

Elene xx

Hello my Anthony,
Your dear friend John Kent text me this photo, taken February 2010, I never knew you could down load photos text to you, but you can!

You were so on my mind last night as I was watching the new series of Doc Martin, I was so sad, you loved that series, Auntie Joan died, her beloved nephew Martin, after dropping the coffin, stood up to do a Eulogy, it was at that point that even I giggled but above all I could actually hear you filling the room with your wonderful laughter, as you did so many times when we were watching it, even the repeats made you laugh still, he had no nice things to say about his aunt, except that she was fat, ate all the wrong foods, thus gave herself a heart attack, and let it be a warning to every one else, just what you would have expected of him, just like I would have expected to hear you roaring, they played Jerusalem for her too...

Your book arrived today, I sent a copy via DHL to Uncle Rick, posted one to Hermie, your best friend Paul Nethersole, Gareth and my brother.
I gave Lyn hers first before anyone else, then Richard, and finally the children in the afternoon. David was not in, so will give him his tomorrow, John is away and I will wait to give the rest out when I see Mr. Kent, Matty and Alex, as I said I have only done 18 copies so it really is the select few, too much personal information for anyone who was not close to us, no, there is not one for the Dipstick obviously, the Fruit Cake would never have got one either, not after what she did to you or the Dipstick to both of us!
I was very sad by it all, watching the reaction on their faces, blown away is all I can say, adding that you would have definately said that I had excelled myself, and I have, best book I have ever produced, not to mention the most expensive.

It is a tribute to you, your life and mine with you I suppose my Sweetie.

Until we meet again, you had best be waiting for me.

Always,
Elene xx

My dearest Anthony,
Your best friend Paul Nethersole sent me this today, it is apparently for you, Assegai Alfa Romeo F1 1961, you would have been having you know what over it, I always did say that your cars turned you on more than I ever could, you spent so much time in that garage, seriously it made my day.

Feeling down, one minute I am tired, and now I have the chance to sit and rest I feel so sad and lonely, I cannot tell you how much I miss you, I still cannot accept the truth in reality, so unreal, but yet it will be a year already. My horrible birthday looming, what a day that was, the worst ever possible news, I can remember Doctor Steve came round that night, and when he realised, he just looked at me so sadly, saying how very sorry he was and just hugged me, that is all I would like right now, a hug from you, please!

Mia Elene has gone home with Mummy, Dave popped round too, Alexandra and Christopher this morning, so it has been busy, deadly quiet now though.

Not sure if I have told you already, Mimi announced on Wednesday that she is going to be a dentist, and wants you to come back so she can fix your teeth, then you can take her to the dentist, where that came from is beyond me, but she does keep saying you are coming back home, bless her, I wish, then she will huff and puff and say 'Why Dandan, why oh why'!

Why indeed my Sweetie, on that note I will go away now, good at depressing myself, like I was reading all my text messages from you the other day, 'There is no one in this world I would rather be stuck with my sweetie' is what one said, another, 'I am yours for the rest of my life', made sure that was not that long then didn't you!!

I will be yours too for the rest of my life, that is a promise Mr. Ranson.

Always,
Elene xx

My Anthony,
I was a bit of a mess tonight, just what I did not need. The alcoholic idiot who claims her illigitamate, or however the hell you spell it, child is yours, sent me a load of horrible text messages, you would have been so very mad. I did think why on earth did you just not help yourself to the bloody sunbed you went round to use instead of helping yourself to her too, you were a bugger, but she was helping herself to two of my mates from the book trade so we will never know who the father was, mind ,do I look bothered, no I do not now, not thanks to Lyn.

Bless her she knew I was upset and phoned me, she is so lovely, and made me feel one hundred percent better, telling me it was me you loved, not anyone else, that was probably her problem, I got you, and she never did, must make her feel even more bitter as she was mad, literally mad when it came to you, and I on the other hand was not even interested in you in the first place, must really bug her. I could not understand why you let Lyn go for that idiot woman who called herself a hairdresser, still as you said you were always meant to be soul mates.

Well I am going to bed, relaxed, thanks to your real friend and now mine.

Jude got back safely, I need to find something to do, as I will pine for her and drive myself and others mad, watch out Lyn!!

Love you Sweetie, always.
Elene xx

Oh Sweetie,
How sad I felt to see this today, when Derek was setting up at the Ciana in Islington, Phil Bennet told him he found this magazine and just emailed me the cover to say would I like it and he would bring it to the office for me, how kind of him, specially as you always gave him such a hard time over the storage of my books, see you will never be forgotten, and by God you look so bloody handsome here, you really do, but you were, and you were mine.

I only stayed at the fair until 3pm then left, should have stayed longer in truth as everyone needless to say came looking for me just after I had gone, the stand was a mess, and so was your mate Terry when he read the list of complaints I left for him, tatty and damaged, not impressed, you would have been furious.

Well your mate Jude has gone, I feel as though I have lost my right arm, I will not go on as she will read this and feel even worse than she does already, did not want to go, I did not want her too either, will be lost without her now....

Missing you and now Judy like mad.

Always,
Elene xx

Hello again my Anthony,
Going mad today and if you are able to see my letters, you would be saying that I am mad and have always driven you mad, but just had to tell you this.

To put it politely and using Mia Elene's words, I popped, I told her to get away as it was smelly, her reply was 'Well I like it Yiayia' just like your friend Melody's little girl, different situation but you loved that story, you never failed to take the opportunity of saying 'well I like it'.

Had a lovely vegetable stew tonight that John Boy made me, it was so tasty, think you did not give him enough credit in that department.

Goodnight Sweetie and God bless you where ever you are.

Elene xx

Had a lovely time with our Lyn, she was telling me about her visit to Kate, which I now remember you did tell me all about it, small world...

Me again Sweetie,
Look at you both, how we loved a bit of free publicity, especially me over Wordsworth.
As an avid reader of the Mercury, I was very pleased they decided to print the story, over £7,000 raised so far, but I do have to confess I am not looking forward to my Andrea jumping out of an aeroplane, John Boy and I are going to watch next Saturday 24th. You would be so proud of my G.B.

See never, ever will be forgotten, not by any of us or anyone that knew you, special you were.

You would call me special, but not in that context, nothing wrong with you, you are perfectly normal.

My love always,
Elene xx

Oh my Sweetie,
Text from our Matthew, saying 'Good morning Auntie Helen, Bella Davies was born this morning at 4.36am, weighing 7lb 12oz, mother and baby doing well'.
Cannot say more to you through the tears, wanted you to be the first to know after me my darling.

Elene xxx

Anthony Sweetie,
Our Mia Elene is fearless, she is in the middle of the flower beds, most kids would run a mile, dark and gloomy, not her, not your Bam Bam, you would be so amused, I can just see you laughing.

Just come back from having dinner at Choppy's, where Dave took us for lunch to get to know Lucy better last year, you were having a good day and so enjoyed it.
All the children were present, John Boy missed a free meal as he is away, so they could wish your Jude farewell, her lovely sister Sally came also, my way of thanking her for all the meals I was invited to, certainly will miss the ole girl, really will...

We went to Kate's yesterday, it was such an odd feeling, it was as if it were only yesterday when you took me to meet her, strange, comforting feeling, she did not remember meeting Judy before, I will not say too much as god forbid the information gets into the wrong hands as you knew all too well.

My heart still aches for you, it always will, there will never be another for your Little Piranha, you knew that also.

Always
Elene xx

Hello my Anthony,
I must admit, I am now beginning to think I am nearing the end of my entries, in a way it helps me, in another it no longer does, after all how long can one write to a person with no response!!

Here is our Mia Elene, she won her race needless to say and I won 19 bottles of wine, infact, I cleared the stall out before the fete even opened, why I do not know as I no longer drink but the kids and Sheelagh were very pleased, could not help thinking how happy you would have been as half of them were red wine, oh well just adds to the irony of the whole bloody miserable situation, as you said, it was never part of your master plan so why should I complain!! Yes in a glum mood, have been for days Sweetie, even more so today as I had a tooth pulled out, made me so sad you were not there to take me, I cried and poor Simon the dentist was beside himself as he has always said I was his braviest patient, I just could not explain it was not my tooth that bothered me so in between my tears I just told him to pull it out and that I was fine, could not help thinking of what you would have said, no doubt reminding me of how stupid I was to have my wisdom teeth out for no good reason other than I could not be asked to floss them, if they were still there at least I would not have such a huge gaping hole in my silly mouth as that makes three missing ones in one place, still not as if anyone will be looking in my gob is it.

Best go now, I will write with what Kate has to say, then I have a feeling I will call it a day, no point, but is there any point to anything any more....

God I do miss you my Sweetie.

Elene xx

You and your mate Andrew will be in the Mercury tomorrow, fat lot of good that will do you, and oh our Lyn is coming to see me Friday, traitor been to Turkey again.

My dearest Anthony,
I have not got a lot to say really, been fighting depression if I am real honest, so up and down at the moment, too many dates are looming I fear!!

I took this photo a couple of weeks ago when Mimi fell asleep on me before I took her to bed, she looks so cute, and by god you did love her so, really did.
I am going to her sports day tomorrow, how you would have enjoyed that, but you are missing it, as you are missing so many things, we miss you just as much Sweetie, really do.

Been out with Judy today, she will go back to Dubai now on the 13th, guess Mr. morris and Holloway will be stuck with me, god give them strength is what you would be saying, your little Piranha is a handful at times, or just difficult to please.

Oh nearly forgot, Judy and I are going to see your mate Kate, that will be interesting, poor girl did not know, it was awful having to tell her. I found her details in your 1997 Diary as Judy and I went through everything, I am anxious to see what she has to say, remember when you took me, instantly she said I was the one for you, the dark haired girl she could always see, not the dopey hairdresser, she hated her, mind she never liked poor Jane either, least Jane was nice to you!

Love and miss you so very much my Anthony.

Allways
Elene xx

My dearest Anthony,
Well I am back, we had quite a nice time I suppose, thoroughly enjoyed all the time I had with Judy, I do so love her company, had several laughs, enjoyed meeting Larry Lamb's look alike, he too works in Dubai.
Think our Jude was a bit dissapointed with our hostess, but it was alright, weather was foul, I drove there and back you know, even Judy said you would have been proud of me, getting back my confidence a little with driving, after all for eleven years I drove absolutely no where, yes we all know why!
Food was alright I suppose, if you like golf club meals and Schooner Inns, and we are not being snobs either.

I did miss my Mimi on Friday, I was over the moon to hear she had a blue fit when she realised she was not coming to Yiayia's house after play school, do you remember how you used to tease me over her and saying that I am not really competative when it comes to ensuring I am favoured.

As you can see from the camp I made her, you too are not forgotten, see she has the photo of you both in there, and I promise you I did not put it in there, she herself took in what she wanted, now I always have to make a camp for her, last week was a bit of a disaster, I used your brown tape, it got stuck to the window seal and I could not get the bloody thing off.

Judy has just phoned, back safe from here and chilling out, which is what I am going to do now also, Simon thankfully arrived not long after I got home and helped me with tidying up outside and a couple of other chores, so I will go sit down too, so happy to be back home where I can feel you all around me, better than a poke in the eye I suppose Sweetie, I could not stop thinking about you all the time I was away, I never do but more so as I do not feel close to you other than when I am at home, knowing how much you loved Dormers, how happy you were here is so comforting for me.

Until we meet again Mr. Ranson, my dearest husband you will always be.

Elene xx

My dear Anthony,
It was Cherry's funeral yesterday, not sure what to say about it in truth, not really, I just wish she had had a church service for one, his eulogy was a sham, me and more me, not about her at all but there again when was it ever, least said about it the better, I left straight after the crematorium for home.

Just got in, had dinner with Judy and her sister Sally, such a lovely girl and will now sort myself out for our little trip. Would say where but I cannot remember, Wales some where.

Megan text me a little while ago, my mate Steve has had a stroke, not good news at all, waiting to hear from her as to what the doctors are saying, one thing after another.

Will write on Sunday Sweetie as I have nothing else to say.

Except, I love you and miss you more than ever, more than I ever thought I could miss any single person, but I do you.

Elene xxx

My Anthony,
I have named this photo Dracula, my goodness has she worn me out today, but I could never be too tired for our Mia Elene.
She really is such a clever, sensitive child, when walking up to feed the horses and ducks she told me she was very happy, then asked me if I was happy, I replied I was when I was with her, then in the next breath she said, 'Yiayia happy and sad without Dandan', how could I reply to that.
Sad is not the word in truth, as time goes on I feel worse as the realisation sinks in that I will never see you again Sweetie, there are times when I am home alone and I just want to scream, I hold it in but feel like I am going to choke, suddenly feeling sick to my stomach with a pain in my heart that I cannot describe.

I am dreading Judy's pending departure! Talking of which we are going away for a few days and hope to meet up with your best friend Paul Nethersole.

Forgot to say Mark the Tree is going to do some work here, he is such a nice man, you always did like him, by the way I am now making every effort to recover the money from 'my fat friend' as you called her! John keeps reminding me that your last words to him were to keep an eye on me and make sure I get that money back, so I am.

I was working in the garden, had to come in as it is simply pouring, some summer, you would have been well hacked off Sweetie.

Just had tea at the Tea Rooms with Kate and Nichola, as they were compalining I have not been with them, only John Boy.

Well best sort my miserable self out and try and snap out of this horrible mood, but, no one really knows what it is like, I never knew just how much time we really spent together or that I did nothing on my own, makes it all that much more harder.....

Allways,
Elene xx

By the way Jude and I watched the DVD of the service, there was one person present who showed no emotion at all, in fact the Dipstick looked as though he was relishing the so called Eulogy, which was crap, talk about I love me and more me, honest to god, I could hardly stand to watch Simon, Andrew and Nichola, you were right, they are more yours!!

Sweetie,
Your mate John Boy, what a dilema today, we were both very down, so John came over threatening to also bring with him two lengths of rope!! To add to our misery the Tea Rooms we realised were closed on a Monday, I remembered the ones at Westmill, off we went, they close on a Monday and Tuesday, but as you can see we did succeed in finding one eventually.
We are actually on our second helping, had apple pie, ice cream and cream knowing we were going to have the three tier sponge cake, what I did not know was that John Boy ordered cream and ice cream with that also, we laughed like a couple of idiots, I should be careful with my cholestral and he with his heart, but as John said what idiot ever said you cannot have your cake and eat it, we surely do.
I do thank god we have each other, to cry and laugh.
I text this photo to the children, Nichola just text back saying you two obviously want a double funeral, please consider us, Dave said we were greedy pigs and was not amused any more than Simon was, poor souls have an idiot for a mother, worst was John actually had two, four finger Kitkats half an hour before we went on our hunt for cakes.

Your Richard has just been round, put an extra UV light on the pond, we chuckled again over the shopping he did for us, so good was he at buying everything we did not want, how we laughed that day, he literally got nothing right bless him, given strict orders as to what to get as I could not get it from the Co-Op, he duly went there stating they must have it because I said so, missing out the bit about going to Tescos.

Really looking forward to tomorrow, Jude is having a sleep over, I am dreading her return to Dubai, I so love being with her and we too laugh a lot, marvellous, absolutely bloody marvellous, her mother's favourite word, who really likes me by the way, well she would, least I listen to the poor woman, Jude just ignored her the other day and got stuck in to watching Rosemary and Tyme on the TV.

I am just rambling on, so I had best go now, oh I have not told you, I have gone from Trollope to Dollope now, my new name by your mate David Morris!

Love you Sweetie, allways,

Elene xx

My dearest Anthony,
Our Mimi, like her Yiayia loves the Tea Rooms, carrot cake seems to be her favourite, John Boy has competition now, although we popped up there on Friday, jammed two cakes each down our throats with a cup of tea all in half hour and came back to carry on with the gardening, problem is we could not, too full and too sick so we called it a day, where are the Family Size G&T's these days, that is what sent me to sleep and wiped out my afternoons, oh well you would be happy with me though.

Not much to say, drove to Judy's, watched her cook, then we popped to Judi's at the Moon and Stars, poor cow no help today, run off her feet, said if Justin was here she would kill him.

I have not made contact with him at The Crown, not going to either, will of course go to the funeral then that chapter is finally closed, I will not do anything that I know you would not want me to Sweetie.

Our Bonny is reading the proof copy of your book, stayed up until 4am the first night, thinks it is brilliant and you would be thrilled, cannot wait for my memoirs, told her she would be waiting a long time and told her that Derek had told you that no one would believe they were true, you did not argue with him!

Not got a lot to say, been very down in truth, but I will not harp on.

Until next time then my Anthony.

Love you ...
Elene xx

And now Sweetie,
Your Dave/GB/GW/Andrea but to mention a few of his names you had for him!
His Happy Birthday today, Hello Kitty cake for Mimi.
Certainly not the same without you here, but it never will be, but at least we have your beloved Jude and John Boy as part of our family, it does so help.

Andrew was real down, Ian told me, so I pushed the boat out and did a tea party, Alexandra, Christopher, Dom, Ian also came so I think it really helped, he had to leave at 6.30 to play football so we just had to continue his birthday without him, so typical of us lot.

I am so sorry you are missing out on all of this, no, it was never part of your master plan was it sweetie.

We all, each and every single one of us miss you like hell...

Our Love always,
Your Adams Family

So Sorry my Anthony,
I should have posted this to you on Saturday 6th August, your beloved mate Al with a mountain of Quentin Crisp doughnuts for a cake, as you can see our Mia Elene is delighted, more so than Trev was at having to cough up half the bill!!!

Love you always,
Elene xx

My dearest Anthony,
Our Cherry passed away this morning, exactly what time, who knows, no one was with her, he did get up, but was tired and returned to their bedroom, left her in the spare room, nice one!

You, along with everyone else will not be surprised to hear The Crown was open, 'Business as Usual' god forgive him because I bloody never will do.

Jude past the pub at 4pm, all outside drinking, nice, they normally close at 3pm but obviously extended hours now available. Needless to say she has called IT a few choice names.

Just spoke to Judi who was actually there and ringing me back in an hour, saying I have not heard the half of it yet.

I would dearly love to believe there is a heaven and you are there minding Cherry, but god help me, I am not sure I believe in anything anymore.

Least I can never have any regrets, I never left your side, much to your annoyance at times, but I do know you liked me being close, as I am sure she too would have liked her so called husband at her side, or maybe not, who knows, I surely would not have done if I were married to him.......

That is all for tonight my Anthony, my Sweetie.

Elene xx

My Anthony,
I have had loads of text photos from your best friend Paul Nethersole, but he emailed me this one, yes you can guess where he is, said I could say 'Wish I was there' but I would be lying, but then oddly enough, I do. I recognised it instantly, your Dad's sweet shop, actually I think they have tarted it up since we last saw it, as it did look sorry for itself, oddly enough the window is plastered with Auto Trader posters!
Paul had a drink and thought of you today as I know he does often, even me, his MGL, mad greek lady, I deserve that one, and I know you agreed.

Oh well, there we are then, dinner was nice last night, when the bill arrived they took it to where Trevour was sitting, thought he was going to choke, so I sat and watched, he was actually plain down right bloody rude to the poor waitress, I did get up and say let us go halves, he agreed in an instantly, tight fisted sod, you could see it all over his face how put out he was, how mean can a person get that is minted I wonder, felt like saying actually you get on and pay as I recall I paid last year for Alex's birthday for you all and we only had a glass of water!! Never mind, bet he plans on taking it with him..

Cherry is hanging on for dear life bless her, you will not believe it, but IT has planned a holiday for himself already, with a sea view, how could he when all his wife wanted was to see the sea one last time, best bit is, actually planned the funeral too, for maximum impact he is doing the eulogy, by god I wish you were here, I know you would put him in his place, still I am avoiding him and blanking him now so that would really please you sweetie, you weere so right, but in his dreams will I ever be his mate let alone what you said, want to throw up at the thought, so you were not barking after all as the whole of Buntingford said the very same as you, poor me.

Your Dipstick I gather is being a bigger prat than we ever thought possible, latest is he is so upset that your friends have not supported him and busy telling all that care to listen that he wants some of your personal effects and that he has gainned nothing from your passing, naturally I am told instantly, the best one is he was moaning about me to Jackanory, if he ever paid any attention to what you told him he would have realised he was wasting his breath, oh well, made me and JB laugh anyway, dope!

Least my message today will give others some thought.

Miss you so much Sweetie.
Elene xx

Look my Dandan, I am feeding the donkey with bread, wish you were with us, it was so much fun.
Love you,
Mia Mia Mia mou...

Hello my Anthony,
We took a walk to Chapmore End today to feed the ducks, but we saw two donkeys and fed them all the bread instead, whole slice in the mouth of the one on the left, so nothing for the poor ducks!!
Still Mia really enjoyed it, had tea and cake at the Tea Rooms, they stupidly asked if she wanted a childs portion of the carrot cake she selected, 'No thank you' I replied, she ate the lot. We stole their sugar lumps and fed them to the donkeys on the way home. There was a bit of a smell on route home, so I asked Mia Elene if she did a perp and needed a poo, 'No Yiayia I did a pop and I do not need the big toilet', she is amazing for her age thanks to her Mummy.
Mind I got caught out yesterday by Kate when Mia insisted on having a wee in the garden, it was soon obvious where she got that from, well what was I to do, would not get out the swing and begged me not to leave her, I am making sure I behave myself today.

We are all going out later for Alex's birthday, making me sad thinking about it, as ill as you were last year we went along just for a drink, all you had was water!! john Boy coming too, Jude is away, again!!

Going now as do not always want to write sad things to you Sweetie, you know how I feel, you best had anyway...

Love you so very much Anthony, allways,
Elene xx

You are never more than a moment away from my thoughts Sweetie, but you are heavily on my mind today, 'for why', I will tell you.

Has been raining since I got up at 6am, I did all my work but decided I would not go in at all today to the office, just want to rest and I knew no one was coming round.
I have been out, but I have been in front of the TV from 12pm, just watching the silly repeats on the Gold Channel, could not help thinking when you would beg me on a Saturday or Sunday to put one of my 101 DVD's on and I would not, refused to open them, saying I was saving them for when we brought our cottage, we could sit and watch them then on wet rainny days and when we were old, god how sad that is making me, who would have thought you would be cheated of old age and I of my husband, my companion, my mate, we were even planning our Thora Hurd chair as we were both getting cranky....

Such plans, such sadness my Anthony.

Elene xx

My Sweetie,
Can you believe it, August already, so frightening, really is.
As you can see, Mia is never happier than when eating, helping me prepare her breakfast, fruit followed by scrambled eggs and ham!

I have not got a lot to say, I was going to write yesterday but I did not have time, had to dash up to the Moon and Stars and collect Judi to go and say our farewells to Cherry, all I can say is I thank god you did not suffer quite as much towards the end, I think Richard is right, you must have had a stroke as it was all so quick and watching poor Cherry linger is heartbreaking, you would have hated that my darling Anthony. It was his birthday too yesterday, but I did not even acknowledge the fact, just arriving at The Crown, open for business as usual, him behind the bar was enough to make me want to thump him. When I said that he should be upstairs with his wife he asked 'Why', you would have hit him I am sure, then Judi earlier asked him if he wanted her to run the bar so he can sit with her as Cherry said she would like that, he replied that he would later when he closed, I will never set foot in that place again.

On the unhappy note I will go now, what else is there to say....

Love and miss you so very much my Anthony.

Elene xx

Morning Sweetie,
Yes she is indeed a clever girl, not just potty trained but now uses the Big Toilet! Except she had her boots on today and filled them, shame as she has been so good, but we were in the paddock and I suppose she was having too much fun down there, picked the first Victoria plum also, god did that make me sad, how you adored those plums claiming ours were the best!

I was telling Kate as sad as I was last night, Mimi had me in stitches, put her Karioke machine on, hasd the micraphone down her throat singing away and dancing, wish you could have seen her, you loved her dancing in your room to the radio, then asked me to sing, which I did, her reply was 'No, sing nicely Yiayia'! Well you did say that she may have loved my singing when she was a baby but the time would come when she would know better, obviously sooner rather than later.
Cannot help thinking of the competition in the Albion to raise money for charity, £1 to sing and £5 to stop, the fiver's were rolling in every time I opened my mouth, it was brilliant, raised over a thousand pounds in under an hour, Broughton could not believe it, nor could my Pippy, I had never seen him laugh so much, for the life of me I cannot remember if you were there though, oh well, you certainly heard all about it.

Jude has invited me for dinner tonight, then I have Paula and Charlie coming at 12pm tomorrow for coffee, that is my weekend, certainly more than we ever did, we loved going out Saturday's but Sunday we mostly stayed in as we did every night of the week, we never liked going out of a week day, in fact we never liked going out any evening! My life has surely changed Sweetie........

Best go now as I do not want to start minging.

I do love you my Anthony.

Elene xx

Your dopey wife here again Sweetie,
Just made our John Boy laugh, another one of my silly classics.

Where your memorial is, hope you know that anyway, gets covered in leaves, I pick them up every morning and evening, does my back in, so Simon suggested I use the Blower, far easier, so I just asked John to leave it in Mimi's wendy house, stating I can keep your lawn looking lovely by giving you a blow jobby every morning, you surely would have enjoyed that, well you would have once upon a time Sweetie.

Night Nite from me, who is fast losing the plot today.

Love you Anthony.

Elene xx

My dearest Anthony,
I am so very down today, keep huffing and puffing, god that would so annoy you if you could only hear me! Cannot be asked for a photo today either I am afraid, sorry Sweetie.

I know exactly what is bothering me too, oddly enough Lynn, whom I had dinner with last night along with Jude at the Moon and Stars, and Justin's Judi said exactly the same thing, it will be one year in two months time, just cannot believe it, any more than I can really believe this is true and you are really gone, such a frightening thought. Do not know myself what I think half the time, so good am I at burying my head in the sand and bottling up my problems until I feel like I am going to explode, story of my life, which you took the brunt of, finally sorting me out but only now to be in a bigger mess than ever, oh dear, what to do with me Mr. R.

Going to see Cherry too in a bit, that is not helping me, the fat git might just get it from me, no bloody wonder you went for him, they are leaving the poor cow, upstairs, on her own to basically die, unbearable to watch in truth.

The girls and I did manage a laugh last night though, I had gammon so I told them about the incident with Lucy when she asked me whether my gammon I cook was smoked or unsmoked, having had too much to drink I did a total number that she was asking me far too personal a question, proceeding to give her a mouthful and leaving, what was I like you would say to me. Meant to tell them about the time you jammed Lucy, Alan, the girls and I in the car a few years back after a family bash, I had to go into the boot, and from there I owned up to stealing our cousin Kay's Cindy doll clothes, I would tuck them in my knickers and take them home because I was jealous she had everything and I had nothing, and Lucy piped up and said 'Girl you never had a Cindy doll so why did you steal the clothes for it', you were all hysterical when I replied that it was not the point, why should she have it all and that I was happy to have the outfits drapped on dolls I made for myself out of pipe cleaners!! Oh well least I have changed since then.

Delaying the obvious now so I will go, hope I do not end up creating world war three!

Miss you with all of my heart my Anthony and I will allways remain your Elene too, just like you allways were my Anthony Sweetie.

xxxx

Hello my Sweetie,
I took Mimi to feed the ducks on Wednesday, thought that was real brave of me, we were going to do it one day when you were ill but you took a turn for the worse, so the last time I went was in January 2009, our first trip together and I took that lovely photo of you both which sits on my desk. Also paid a visit to the tea rooms but she made herself too at home, boots off, behind the counter then locked herself in their kitchen, quick exit time, got her sandwich packed up and came home. She heard an aeroplane on Friday night, rushed to the conservatory to say hello Dandan, she was most confused as there was two planes, so she said 'Oh Yiayia, two Dandan's then just to really put the cat amongst the pigeons there was three more, she looked totally bewildered bless her!

Had all the kids round for lunch today with Judy and John Boy, it was very nice and all enjoyed themselves, I was very tearful doing the vegetables, specially the potatoes, your job, I was not allowed as I wasted them all, see I never did do it on purpose just to get out of peeling potatoes.
It was a real pleasant day and all the kids commented on how nice it was to be together, Nichola pointed out you would not have been happy at all with the loading of the dishwasher, the plates were not scrubbed clean and you would have been complaining, another job you insisted on doing, along with the carving, dishing up, clearing up, my god you were so good and spoiled me my Anthony.

Just watering your Willow tree now and I am calling it a day, quite tired, still got nothing much on now for this week so maybe I can un-stress a little, well I could try.

My love always Anthony,
Elene xx

Here she is Sweetie, the staircase leading to the conservatory where the meal will be, the only modern part of the building, cream carpet though and flowers on the staircase!

My dearest Anthony,
Well, here we are my Sweetie, the wedding venue, Botneys Mansion, Chertsey, just what Nichola wanted, we get the whole place for 24 hours, perfect, picked mine and Jude's room already!
It is wonderful, there are 12 bedrooms which are simply delightful, the whole thing is perfect, dinning, sitting, drawing rooms, all so tastefully, decorated with period furnishings to match, and no I am not disclosing the price, Nichola is hell bent on making Trevour pay for his 40 odd guests though, does not see why I should, for a man of means he sure is tight but poor little Alex feels so embaressed as his dad just presumes I should pay for it all, which is how I want it, do not want hand outs from anyone thank you.

We got stuck in traffic, I was nearly an hour and a half late for Robert Collie, that would have pleased you as he was not your favourite out of all my cronies, no idea why or how, but dropped him off at the station with a tin of spam, the more I think about it the more I wonder why, think I was keen to get him off to the station and knew he may still be hungry but at 9.30pm I had had enough, no not much fun when one is getting pissed and you are sober and as you know first hand he can be a bit of a pain although he is always good with me.

Madness here, all the trees are going in whilst next door are away, been such a busy two weeks I felt shattered, then tomorrow off to Northwood, last time I went there was for Mr. D's 40th, my goodness, so that will be odd, that is where Alexandra is having Christopher's birthday party. Jude kindly invited all the kids round for lunch on Sunday, I was ordered, so I thought I may as well ask John Boy too, roll on Monday for a rest.

I am so missing you my darling Anthony, really am, especially as Robert kept banging on about how my eyes are dead and I have lost my spirit, I just snarled at him in the end, what do people expect, he was only worried I may bed one of your mates, think he was concerned he will be missing out yet again! Put him straight as I did you when you told me to be careful of men callers although you want me to be happy but you were worried that I was still very naive, do not think so Anthony, no more men for me, two was enough!

That is it for now, I love Gareth's entry, yes I can well imagine he really does so miss you.

No one can miss you more than I though, that is a fact, you best be waiting for me, you did after all tell me I was your biggest love of all and you are not a man to lie so maybe I will stop worrying, you know how I love to worry!!

Always,
Elene xxx

Hi Tony, miss seeing you mate. Thought I would let you know I have a new car in the garage. Remember you educated me about the classic Porsche 911, not to get one with springy bumpers, but get a model T,E or S from the late 60's/early 70's. I have a hybrid, an original model T with original panels fitted witha fuel injected E engine. Just thought you would like to know your advice is held in great esteem and that I miss dearly. All the best Pal. Gareth

Look my Anthony,
This is how our Mia arrived today, I just laughed and told her she looked silly, was a bit upset with me, Kate said I hurt her feelings, well she calls me a camel!

Just heard a plane, 'Yiayia Dandan back, quick', it is so strange she thinks you are in the sky, either in your car or in a plane, but I am thrilled she is not forgetting you and needs no reminders from me, I know you would be so happy.

I called her a monster the other day, she corrected me by telling me she was not a monster she is a moron, I tried not to laugh. You did tell me not to keep calling her that.

I forgot to tell you I got another postcard from your best friend Paul Nethersole for my collection, he is such a sweetie, so kind not to forget me either!

Best go now as our Mimi is, yes, demanding more food, even Nichola said does she do anything other than eat when she is at Dormers, every photo you have is of her eating, I could not help thinking that is what you would say to me.

I do love you and miss you so much my Anthony, I honestly do not think anyone realises just how much, you have left such a huge void in my life, our lives...

Elene xx

See my Anthony, look at your poor car!
I think the world has it in for me, still just had a nice time with Leslie Ann and Judy and John popped in also, had three cups of tea and it is now 6.45 and he has just gone to do his weeding, more weeds down there than vegetables, still who really cares do not think either of us do quite honestly.

Elene xx

My dearest Anthony,
I took this photo of Mimi on Friday, how you always told me off that every time you looked at Mia she was eating, no change there then!

Do not feel great today, maybe just tired, I drove, wait for it, 478 miles yesterday, Nichola and Charlotte could not believe it, Devon, Sumerset then Hatfield Heath, got home at midnight. We were so dissapointed we did not stay the night, no point really. We were booked into the first hotel, even checked in, decided after seeing the venue and the organiser it was not for us, so we sneaked to the rooms, grabbed our bags and did a runner, all I could think of was I wish I could ring and tell you, you would have been so amused, but there again you would have been with us, NO WAY would you have allowed me to drive all that way, was never allowed to drive anywhere except to John Lewis and back, still serves me right, I forgot my exotic wash bag, I was gutted, yes the one I make all the fuss over, Tescos freezer bag, but it had taken me forever to collect my travel kit, serves me right.
Stopped to fill up with petrol when some idiot towing a huge caravan in a big van drove right into your BMW, what a mess, I could have hit him, we were paying and got back to the car and there he was, not even apologetic, the girls were near to tears, so lucky for him I said nothing as it would have upset them further, obviously because it was your car and they know how prescious I am over your things, someone has it in for me I am sure.

My poor head is banging so I think I will go now, back to square one with the venue, although Judy is out looking at this very moment bless her, she is really trying so hard to help our Nichola, and oh Lynn phoned me too today, hope we will have a get together after Jude's bosses go back on the 25th, that is it, nothing more to say, except I feel totally lost without you, you knew that I would though did you not Mr. R........

Your Elene xxx

My Anthony,
I have to tell you this, Mia's latest tonight, 'Naughty Yiayia you lost Dandan, why'! I could have sobbed, feeling delicate today anyway. Where did she get that from I wonder.

I forgot to tell you your Richard came to see me yesterday, he is so lovely and caring, really is.

I went to see Cherry today, it is heart breaking but I must put her first, after 45 minutes I thought I should leave, she could not even hold her head up, why is God so unfair, I see her and you are running through my head at the same time! I then said I could take her for a ride but she probably does not want to go, typical of our Cherry, 'Oh yes I do', so off we went, I took her to the Moon and Stars then home again, you poor poor souls is all that is going through my mind.

Best go now, Mia crying and saying, 'Poor Mia' how odd. Just had a posh bath in the sink at home in this photo.

Elene xx

Oh Anthony,
Not sure how to start my message today or what to say, not really, getting tired of all this lark that life goes on!

Look what my Arwil found Sweetie, such a lovely photo of you, so happy here, sitting at my desk, my 50th birthday, makes me so sad looking at you.

Had such a busy week that I feel exhausted, only been to work once but I am going in today. Had a chap here polishing the scratches out of the glass tables in the conservatory Wednesday and Thursday, you would have been so pleased as you were so stressed over the continued appearance of one scratch after another, I only ever made one, it was never the cleaners of course, still who cares really, the mess was terrible though.

Off to Devon Sunday, back Monday with Nichola and the mad Charlotte who will at least make me laugh, yes looking at wedding venues, there would have been no need at all if you were here!

You would be so pleased with me, I have ordered 20, 10ft trees to go in the paddock, just in front of the ones the neighbour you hated so much hacked down, think he will have a heart attack when he sees them, no way can he reach these to trim them, that will show them to try and out smart us, was even trying to threaten me with the height of the Barn and that we have no planning, did not mention the conservatory but I think we are within the boundaries so to hell with it.

That is it, not in the mood today, not really so I hope I can write on my return with some news.

I am so missing you,
Elene xx

My Sweetie,
I just have to say, if one more person tells me that my steak in France was probably horse I will shoot them, I am convinced it was not steak either but it surely was not Pony & Chips, that is what you called it, anyway there was a lack of chips was there not!! More like DONKEY!

I told Dave today I think JB maybe following you very quickly if he persists in keeping company with me, three whole slices of cake last Thursday, two yesterday and one today, he is supposed to be watching his colestral to avoid another heart attack, but it all seems like a game to him and I, well you know what I was like with cake, you poor little thing, I would have a box of six eclairs and you would beg for one, which I did eventually part with, just the one mind, eat the rest myself and complain I felt sick, what was I like.

Judy due any moment, so best go now.

You have been on my mind every second of today...

Elene xx

My Anthony,

Here we go, went and collected your Claude today, just on the right hand side, John Boy and John Kent obviously came, JK arrangged it all in fairness, JB coughing up the cash.

I am not sure in all honesty I like it more than your other one, this one may end up in the barn instead, maybe more valuable but just not certain. Immediately we got home I got the boys to remove the mud guards, hate them, the bell will come off too, and tape has been put on too far up the handle bars, JB will sort it, feel a bit deflated by it all now, nothing left to do, even the book is due in three weeks time, not sure what to be doing with my stupid self.

I worked so hard yesterday as I have re-landscaped your memorial garden, went every where today to get a bit of trellis to match what I had, got one from Van Hages but the bloody thing literally fell apart as the chap was helping me get it in the car, refund time, what a meal they made of that.

I did have something else to say but for the life of me cannot recall what that was now, fast losing the plot I think.

See John Boys shorts, well they did have tassles on the front too this morning, until the silly bugger got them caught in the strimmer, that so made me laugh, just as well he is not hung well, not that I know first hand, that is what he told me.

I went to see Cherry yesterday, not helped my depression, poor little love looks a hundred times worse than you did, totally heart breaking, Colin's sister phoned me to say time is running out, I just had to be brave and go to see her, you will be seeing her soon I fear!!

Love you with all of my heart.
Elene xx

Anthony you would definately have been Victor, this was my dinner! After carefully explaining what I wanted I got steak and crisps, no potatoes and not a vegetable to be seen, can you believe it, the two days at the hotel cost us £1700 which would have been great if we had actually enjoyed their crap food!

Going away now but you can be guaranteed I will never set foot in France again.

Elene xx

My Anthony, I am back.
Well not sure what to say to be perfectly honest Sweetie, except I think I hate the French, and more than delighted that Nichola has changed her mind, it would have been a nightmare.

Poor thing just did not fall in love with the Chateu, certainly looks the business on line but I think a bit of clever photography made it looked perfect and it was far from it, Nichola wanted a shabby sheek look, I think just shabby sums it up, and no, it was not posh enough for me.

To top it all the French are far from nice, down right rude infact, the service was just plain horrible, not what you expect for a £200 per night stay, excluding breakfast, I tell them I do not bloody want a continental breakfast for 17 Euros, oh no I have to have it and then if I want eggs I can order them after, what the hell was that all about, and can you imagine getting everything out there, no I do not think so and as for Rynair I wish someone would blow their whole fleet up, basically all you are allowed to do is breath, thought Jude was going to knock them out at one stage, she had it in for them and the airport idiots and I the hotel and wherever else we went.

So a nice country manor here in the UK will do just nicely, somethings the British can do better than anyone else.

We did have a few laughs, mainly at the expense of Lurch, the head waiter at the so called posh hotel we were staying at, then we got stuck with some boring bloke from the US, best I do not bore you telling you all about him either.

So pleased to be home I must say, although I am not in the mood for whittling on today, I suppose I was so sad to come home to an empty house...

Sweetie I miss you more than you will ever know.

Elene xx

My Anthony,
Your wife is very miserable and depressed today, keep bursting into tears, I need to get a grip as we are off tomorrow to view the venue, just so hard, I want to be happy for Nichola, as you would want me to be, but I cannot stop thinking about you and why you are not here to help us and share the joy!

Here is a photo of madam with her shoes for the wedding, yes finally got a pair of Jimmy Two Shoes, bless, looks so happy.

Got a text from my mate Stuart yesterday, that set me off, he did not know about you, his Lordship Chris Sterling told him, he was stunned, said he knew how close and devoted we were to one another, in between our moaning, but said you really were a Top Bloke, don't we know that, all of us. Was telling John about the first time you met him, you took me to Shrewsbury, big buying meeting then off to that posh Hotel, bottle after bottle of Bollinger, I was so hot and sweaty, went to the ladies, gave myself a washdown then sprayed all over what I thought was deoderant, well they were posh toilets, even sprayed my knickers with them, did so sting, then no one would sit next to me, Kay went to investigate only to discover I had used airfreshner, how you all laughed, how did you drive home that night I wonder!

Well, I will not stay on and moan, I will write to you on Sunday now and tell all then.

I love and miss you so very much Sweetie.

Elene xx

Hello Sweetie,
I did write yesterday too, but it is not here yet, sorry. As you can see you still join our Mia Elene for breakfast, she was practically spooking me out yesterday, every time a plane flew over, it was Dandan coming home, at one stage she dragged me out round the garden looking for you, now that was too sad, cars were going up and down the road, took no notice, but when two silver cars and a red one went by, it was 'Quick Yiayia, Dandan home', very odd, you were definaely with your grandaughter yesterday.

We went to The Goat today, meant to take a photo and I bloody forgot, what am I like! Judy, John and David came, it was really nice. The idea was to take the Spider as it has not been anywhere yet, but was not in running order so we took the Italia, well Simon did with John.

Not sure I have much to say really, our French trip is on Thursday, quite nervous really, not been away as yet, was not good at going away without you but I will not be on my own will I, sure it will be fun looking at the Chateu and all the things Nichola has lined up.

Got my Mimi tomorrow so hoping we will do some real jobs for a change, washing the patio down, she will like that.

I hope you could see us all today, the kids came of course then we all went for lunch, it was very pleasant.

We do miss you so very much, particularly me Sweetie, always.

Elene xx

My dearest Anthony,

Got another postcard from your best friend Paul Nethersole, he says for my collection.

Mia insisted in bathing last night in the outside sink, was far too cold so I put her in the kitchen one, oh my god the mess, eventually got her out and said 'Yiayia paddles, Mia like paddles', there was that much water on the kitchen floor, more distressing I gave her the hair brush to comb her hair, she started combing my moustache, you would have died laughing Sweetie, if you were not dead already of course. She tucked into your orange lollies too, Kate said she was so lucky, just as well I told her you died before you had a chance to eat them all, she said she knew I was going to say that.

Mia here now so will write more tomorrow.

I love and miss you with all of my heart my Anthony.

Elene xx

PS - Every time she hears a plane now it is, 'Oh Yiayia Dandan coming back'! How we wish.