BERNICE ZELLIS

David and family; this is written to David about Bernice but meant for all of you as you remember a great lady!

I didn't see Bernice very often after she began to lose her memory but even then she was still such an incredible and elegant woman.

Your Mom, Bernice, along with your Dad, raised two remarkable children, you and your sister Sharon, who both grew up to be not only just independent and successful thriving people, but benevolent, noble and magnanimous. These are, in. my opinion, qualities that cannot to be taught but only learned by example.

Your Mom was always kind to me and to anyone around her and emanated warmth and acceptance. This is something I observed about you David, as well and appears to be a lost virtue in general (kindness.) Bernice was beautiful not just on the outside with her physical appearance, but on the inside.

Someone may (or may not) be thinking that I didn't know her well enough to be able to surmise her inner introspection but I did. I spoke to her at family occasions a multitude of times over the past 25+ years. She would always greet me affectionately and look right into my eyes and meet my gaze. When I looked into her eyes her inner beauty was evident by leaps and bounds. Whenever I saw her she greeted me warmly and like family (which by extension I was thanks to my sister!) I always knew you, David, were the perfect husband/person for my older sister Sheryl from the moment I was introduced to you.

As my sisters husband and life partner, my sister Sheryl has always been blessed to have met Bernice's son David, fall in love and marry him and receive Bernice and family via extension! They complement one another (Sheryl and David) and work well together as a team.

Bernice as David's mother is in part the conduit by which you, David, and Sheryl became the David & Sheryl Accredited Parenting Medical Legal Dictionary Advocacy & Training Team that did and could bear all and withstand all (and still are.)

David became the David he is and Sharon, David's sister, became the Sharon she is, because of the incredible human being and person their mom, Bernice was and worked at being as a partner with their dad.

David learned from Bernice that we never ever quit. Not on each other or ourselves.
He learned from Bernice that Hashem and his family are everything.
He learned from Bernice that when the going gets tough we stick together, work and pray hard and love one another even more and communicate, do whatever it takes and we never let em see us sweat!

David never told me that Bernice and his father taught him these things.
I just know.

I know because my dad taught me those things and I live them and I taught my children the same things, by modeling his behavior and by extension.

And David chose to marry my sister Sheryl and they taught their children these attributes and qualities that were passed down from Bernice, et al as well.

Sheryl and David having been given these gifts from Bernice and their families as young people and being blessed to be who they were and have the support they had they both did what successful marriages and couples are supposed to do and every parent only dreams of for their child.

They took the tools Bernice, et al gave them, came together as a team and thrived, expanded, learned and grew together. Bernice became a Proud grandmother to Siona, Arielle, Danielle and Chaim and her grandchildren and children spent time with her as she grew ill and never allowed her to lose the dignity she had once had. She was never shown disrespect regardless of how she changed as her life condition evolved because David and Sheryl were raised and raised a family that always saw people first as Arielle would

My father taught me, that when the going gets tough we band together, love one another more and never, ever quit. We protect our own. Your Mom, Bernice, made you this way and when I met Siona at NYU a year ago August, because my father made me this way, I would have thrown myself in front of a train for her and still would for you and all your children. I love you and appreciate you and your family. my heart goes out to you all right now in sympathy as you grieve. I wish I could thank your Mom for giving to the world someone like you who is and has always been so perfect and wonderful for my sister Sheryl.

As you took her qualities and lessons along with those from your father, etc and you're own magical recipe of course, you and Sheryl created your children who carry tHat message with them on steroids!

They are examples of what commonsense and unconditional but loving & consistent parenting with tenacity and a purpose can produce. But not just those things, your daughters are exemplary examples of courage, tolerance, resilience, patience and bravery, not mention fortitude.

Hats off not just to your mother but also your father, family, Sheryl and of course you! Today is a day to take a moment to pause and reflect on a you mom Bernice, who taught you to be funny and warm, hold your children and show them it's okay to feel your feelings. She taught you it's okay to be human. I know she demonstrated this and was an amazing mother. I just know from observing you over the years and because no matter what, you and Sheryl have always welcomed me into your family, trusted me with your children and knew I would never hurt you or them, and believed in me.

Maybe you did this because my father trusted and believed in me or maybe it was because you trusted YOUR gut and instinct. Whatever the reasons I love you and thank you and this letter is me telling you what your Mom has given to me whether directly or indirectly over the years by you being a person that's been a part of my life. So thank you.

She taught you to be that person and it's why you've always been so successful. She will be missed by many but I'm sure mostly by you, your sister and father. Please reflect on all those great qualities.

Until I lost my father 4 years ago I could not empathize or know what the feeling of true loss was. The emptiness that losing a loving parent leaves is unbearable. I'm so sorry for your loss. These words do not help you but as the years pass you will read and appreciate they're here. Just possibly not now.

Please be kind to yourself. Please give yourself time to reflect and heal and grieve.

Please don't delete this message even if you don't have time to read it now. You may want it later and later could be three years from now.

Be patient with yourself. I didn't believe it at the time when my father passed away, but you will feel better and it will get easier. The pain may never go away but it gets easier to bear and the memories and love last forever.

May Hashem bless you and your family and may the weight of your great loss bring with you the knowledge that if your mom was suffering, she suffers no longer.