David Lawrence Draize

It is with heavy hearts-and a cacophony of intermittent, upset horsey noises-that family and friends of David Lawrence Draize, 38, announce his passing at home in Huntsville, AL, on November 2nd, 2024. Dave, who famously pressed his lips together while exhaling, producing a sound identical to a disgruntled horse whenever annoyed, has left us all with an unfillable void and the permanent urge to roll our eyes skyward, as if he might roll his right back.

Local legend has it that the Draize family was the first in Wisconsin to plant their crops in orderly rows rather than just scattering seed all over "willy-nilly Wisconsin style," as was tradition. And since you can't exactly prove they didn't, and this isn't a peer-reviewed journal or anything, you should probably just believe us, you know, out of respect. This innovation eventually earned the Draize family the honor of having a road that goes from one place with nothing to another place with nothing named after them-a road that even today, travelers refer to as "adequately maintained."

After graduating high school in the normal amount of time, that road, combined with several others, would take Dave out of New Berlin and to college at UW-La Crosse, where he acquired a generationally appropriate amount of student debt and earned a Bachelor of Science and a Master's degree in "plant stuff" (Biochemistry and Plant Biology).

After college, fueled by wanderlust and a relentless urge to play Thin Lizzy's The Boys Are Back in Town as many times as possible, in as many places as possible, until people around him demanded he "knock it the eff off," Dave embarked on his own explorations. Like a Rockets-era James Hardin, he traveled extensively and called not only Des Moines, Iowa, and Huntsville, Alabama, home but also visited South Korea, where he developed a deep love for kimchi and discovered there's a whole other Korea just above the one he was occupying.

In addition to being the best son, brother, friend, honorary uncle, and moonwalker most will be lucky to ever know, Dave was also a fashion icon, known for turning grass-green zip-up hoodies, punny T-shirts, and those hats from Peaky Blinders into millennial essentials.

Dave enjoyed being right, Belle and Sebastian, naps, sea potatoes (which is what scientists call manatees), soup, cabbage, weird plants, normal plants, the part of Wall-E where the dinosaurs start freaking out in the kitchen, cheering for the Brewers, being obtuse for sport, dank memes, and performing choreographed dances to the hit song Call Your Girlfriend by Robyn with friends. His very favorite pastimes, however, happened outdoors: hiking and camping to remote locations where he had to filter his own water, carry everything on his back like the trash lady from The Labyrinth, and where he could find himself-or get lost and be taken by feral mountain people.

Wildly empathetic, insanely witty, and, for most, an intellectual superior, Dave delivered the kind of friendship that should come standard but that, sadly, most won't experience even once. No one deserved David; they just lucked out. They met him in college or the womb or through their cool friends. In a cold world, time with Dave was like a seat by the fire, complete with funny stories and near-emergencies that became funny stories later. Even if it was inconvenient, or he didn't want to, or it was cold, or it was hard-Dave made you feel like you mattered, even if you didn't. Because that matters.

As such, Dave will be remembered often and fondly, on Draize Days and by surprise, likely right up until we are taken by the nonsensical dreamscape waiting in our own last naps. And until then, should you encounter one of us lost in a Dave memory, at least now you might understand why we all sound like horses with terribly broken hearts.

Dave is preceded in death by his father, Lawrence Draize; paternal grandparents, Lawrence and Eleanor Draize; beloved cat-son Guster; dog-nephew Pickles-and, of course, all the other dead people on the planet.

David is survived by his mother, Terri Draize (Pat Stoetzel); sister, Amber (Aaron) Zetwick; twin sister/best roommate ever, Andrea Draize; cat-daughter, Lily girl; maternal grandparents, Roy and Betty DeBaker; pet nieces and nephews, Big C, Kon, Big Fudge, Bark, Medium Fudge, Little Brown and many, many other lucky family and friends.

For those wishing to honor Dave's memory, consider visiting every national park, dating someone who looks like they'll ruin your credit, buying a Honda and driving it until Jesus snatches the wheel, calling an old friend, making up an elaborate fake life story to tell strangers at hotel bars, finding out "what that plant do," or simply eating your favorite Icelandic gummy candies until you get "gummy tummy." Again. And-if the spirit moves you-throwing Monster Mash on the nearest jukebox a solid 10, 15 times. Yes, in a row-it's a graveyard smash.

A celebration of Dave's life will be held at a later date and time.