Gay Patterson Lord

Dear Deirdre, Tim and Charlie,

I was so sad to learn of your mother´s passing and have been thinking of her, you and your families.

Your glorious obituary captured so much of what I adored about Aunt Gay. Her nickname bestowing skills were as endearing as they were prodigious, and I loved the moniker "Adamsky" that she gave me. It´s a compulsion that I share and which I have never been able to explain (both why I do it and the nicknames I pick), but it is lovely to think it may have come from her.

I don´t recall her ever belly dancing in my presence, but I do remember her and Uncle Charlie cutting an elegant rug in the St Tim´s house, perhaps after one of the lethal martinis which he lovingly prepared for her. Moments like those captured the spontaneous joy that they found in each other´s company and that were so affirming of the possibility of building a strong, supportive and loving relationship with a life partner.

That I should be a witness to their domestic felicity was the unscripted, remarkable outcome of the dumb but consequential mistake that got me expelled from Hotchkiss. My confidence was rattled, and I was staring at the prospect of a new start in a second-tier boarding school when out of nowhere, as my dad and I were retrieving my belongings from summer storage in Lakeville, your parents stepped up and offered to host me in your home, despite barely knowing me.

It was the best thing that could have happened to me at that point - an act of profound generosity which I would soon come to see as emblematic of Aunt Gay and Uncle Charlie. They rescued me when I needed rescuing and they believed in me when I badly needed adults to believe in me. And Aunt Gay did that for so many young people over the course of her beautiful life. She had a superpower that allowed her to see in people the good to which they might be blind and to nurture that recognition in them.

She encouraged an interest in ideas and modelled this through the causes she championed and her lifelong pursuit of learning. I see her influence in my decision to initially declare as an art history major in college. And I owe to her my love of public radio, to which she introduced me via shows like All Things Considered and Fresh Air. We would listen to the thoughtful interviews of Cokie Roberts or Terry Gross in the car, and then discuss the issues of the day - the ´84 election, apartheid in South Africa, the MOVE bombing in Philadelphia. As I saw in interactions with St Tim´s students or visiting Spizzwinks, she gave weight to what young people thought, thereby encouraging them to learn more, hone their arguments and stand up for their beliefs.

People lit up when she walked into a room because it felt so good to be around her. She was smart and funny and quick to laugh. She was curious and compassionate; a marvelous human being and a true force for good in the world.

She lives on in our collective memories, but it´s sad to think that she is no longer with us and I am very sorry for your loss.

Love to you all,

Adam

Gay was such a wonderful, kind, empathetic, and thoughtful person. Our son, Ben, needed volunteers to help him achieve goals other children could achieve on their own. In 1976, when we lived in Toledo, Ohio, Gay came to our home weekly to work with our 4 year old son, Ben, who was nonverbal and had autism. Due in part to her volunteer work, Ben has achieved so many goals and is today a happy, productive and kind man. I shall always remember her sitting in a rocking chair with Ben at the end of their session. She was so kind. Gay's wisdom and friendship gave me strength and courage. Our daughter, Deirdre, is named after her daughter. Thank you, Gay, for being there for Ben and our family. May you rest in peace.