Lucille A. Pekich

This past year I´ve looked up to the sky often thinking of you and grandma Bev. Thank you to the both of you for being a listening ear when I desperately needed someone to talk to. Thank you for helping me heal when I felt lost & had no direction. I don´t know what I would´ve done without thinking that the two of you were listening without judgment.

Hey Grandma Lu, it’s been a while since I’ve wrote here. A lot has changed in the family the last several years.
You have great grand babies growing up in this new world we live in, which at times seems to be very scary and more dangerous by the day. Noel, married now, has a gorgeous baby boy also named Noel. Ninny, has two beautiful baby girls, I just don’t remember their names if I’m being quite honest with you. Brianna also has two beautiful baby boys, Timmy and Christopher I think is what she’s named them. As you may already know, Ruth was given her wings so you two are together but she left behind two babies too: a little girl and a little boy - his name is Adrian but I’m unsure what the girl’s name is. And then Trisha has two babies of her own, Jayce and Jedayah - a boy and a girl. Johnathan is now serving in the US Navy as a tech guy and he has a love hate relationship with the Navy but I think overall he loves his job there. So yeah, there’s but a lot of additions to the family but we all hardly speak to one another. I mean it’s hard for us (Michelle’s kids) to talk to everyone as we don’t really know much of the family the way we should but we all keep eachother on social media so we can keep up with eachothers’ lives.
The memories of you helping me to learn how to do my Bible Word Finds that Christmas from many many years ago, still crosses my mind every now and then. I know you’re very well missed by the family and ones that held you so dear. I hope the other side is treating you well and keep looking over us down here.
Love always,
Kirsten

I miss you a ton gram

Gram,
God do I miss you! Rereading through a lot of these messages made rewind to the night I last saw you. It crushed me because you we had just grown such a strong relationship & it seemed like it was brought to an end too fast. I hate that i dont have you around. Not just for my own, but also for my mum . A lot has changed since you been gone. There's been relationship changes, grandchildren going to college, people moving across the country & even you became a great grandma!. I constantly look at the last picture I took with you where it captured huge smiles on each other's faces. It makes me cry because I constantly wish things didn't change the way they did after you left. I just hope that you can keep watch over our family & keep us safe. I see a lot of you in my mum. From pictures, to talking, & even just reminiscing on old times. When I think back, while sitting at home, I can't help but laugh out loud at the funny times we've shared. It makes me want to tell the stories to the new friends I make here at school because it somehow makes me relive them moments in thought.. But the thing that makes me smile the most that took me till recently to realize, is that you got to meet each and every one of your grandchildren; & not only that, but we all had a chance to grow a bond with you that nothing else compared to. I just pray one day my mum and uncle and aunts have the chance to do the same. I love you gram. I think of you every day.

Hey Mum,

Wow, it has been a long time since I have written to you. So much has changed with all of us. We talk about you all of the time. We think about you daily. I miss you more than anything. I wish I could hug you and you could hold me or yell at me just one more time. I hear you calling me by my full name when I am doing something that I know you wouldn't agree with, telling me to come hither....lol. I love you!!!!

Hey mum....
I haven't been on here in a long time...i think about you everyday though....i miss you and i love you....i wish you were here there is so much to tell you....the kids are doing great and your great grand daughter is amazing....she reminds me so much of Nicole when she was a baby....you would love her...i love you!!

Hey Mum,

Been thinking about you a lot lately. I just want to say I love you and miss you more than ever. I see you more and more in me everyday. The kids even say they see you when they look at me or I say something off the wall...lol!!! Just know that there isn't a single day that goes by that you aren't thought of. LOVE YA BUNCHES <3

Happy Thanksgiving mom hope that all is well and you and everyone with you had a good meal i love u and miss u

Happy Halloween Mom I miss you

Thinking of you and still think of calling you and telling you how well things are going in my life now.....i have found a job i can call home and build my life off of wish i can just talk to you..HUGS AND KISSES

Thinking about u and how things change everyday in my life and how i get threw anything life has to dish at me.You are here with me every step of the way sorry you did not get to call me on my birthday i love u and miss u hugs and kisses....

I felt u today..stronger than I have in a long time. It made me miss you more than you know...all my love mum

Well it is not mothers day and if you were here..i will still be calling and it will make it easier but talking to you daily works for me and i know u can listen to me any day happy mothers day mom miss u much

Well today would've been your birthday...another day older, another day wiser. I find I'm getting wiser as I age and that the more you know, the more you grow. Although I'm glad your home and not suffering anymore, I miss you dearly. There are times I wish I could converse with your kind and meaningful words lifting my spirits, your arms wrapped around me giving me comfort through all my sorrows as moms do. I just know I think of you often and wish I had you now.

this is the light of my life and the flam of my heart

Well mom it has been 2year to date that you have left us to join god...i miss you everyday dream about u every night think of the times we call and talk at night and just to listen to your voice all ways made my day love you much hugs and kisses

hey mum,
you gained another angel.....help her out up there....show her the ropes...i am sure you and her will have plenty to talk about....i miss you with all of my heart and soul...i am doing really good....things are finally starting to settle down....thank you for bringing my brother to me the other day....i really needed that. Love Ya Bunches <3

hey mum,

How are you? I miss you so much. These last couple of weeks have been hard. Dealing with death is harder than ever. I love you.

MOM
Help me with the the hard time i am haveing finding work. it is realy starting to get to me so bad i feel like just packing things up and getting out of this town.the toll it is takeing on me is to much and i can not handel it any more.i put up a frount so people can not see the truth of were i am at this point of my life i am on the bed of a river and the water is starting to rise fast and i can not brake free from the rocks holding me down help me out

today is the day.....in a few short hours you will be gone forever....we sat and had breakfast together this morning....we had cinnamon raison bread from Oakmont Bakery.....we talked for only moments at a time....we gave you a bath and you cried....it broke my heart....each of us took time to talk to you one at a time....we all said what we needed to say to you....you weren't able to talk...you weren't able to function as you once did....we knew it was coming soon....you called for your mom.....you pointed to the sky over and over again....we stayed by your side through every moment.....we never left.....we prayed for you to be at peace....throughout the day your family and loved ones held your hands and rubbed your head while letting you know that it was ok to let go.....we encouraged you to move on.....to find your place with God....it hurt us to see you there in that condition....Michelle read from the bible.....she read verses of peace, forgivness, harmony and truths.....Renee monitored your medicine to keep away the pain......Rena cleaned you up and made sure you were as comfortable as possible....Nicole wouldn't leave your side for anything....she rubbed your feet and legs all day.....I just sat and watched it all unfold....I was amazed when I looked around the room and seen all of the people I loved taking care of my mum....I was in shock....I wasn't present mentally....I functioned like a robot....I was afraid to let you go....I wanted you to get up and change your mind....we had to much to finish, you and I....I didn't want to do this on my own....then the time came.....we knew it would be hard....we all gathered around your bed and held you....we all told you that it was ok....we all told you to go home.....we all prayed with you and for you.....we all sat and watched you take your final breathe....I layed with you in your bed....I made sure you were taken care of....it was unbelievable the pain that I felt....the house was somber....the silence was thick....you were gone....you were gone forever....how do we move on.....how do we function....how do we smile.....how do we not hurt....everyone was sad...I made you promises that I didn't keep.....I blamed myself for your passing....I struggled over you everyday....now its been a year today....so much has changed....everything is different....we push through....we miss you dearly....we love you deeply

today was a day when we all were with you....we spoke dear words of love and honesty.....we poured our hearts into your soul.....we watched you lay while you prepared for your journey.....we came together to make your time as easy and as peaceful as possible....we had no idea as to what would be when you decided to leave us....we cried and we laughed as you rallied....we prayed with you to find your way.....we all stood as one to help you through.....the ones you held closest to your heart surrounded you day in and day out.....as you prepared to go you worked on rekindeling relationships and wanted to leave a mark in this world to keep those you loved in peace and harmony.....you gave each of us a message in your own way.....you were brave and faced the unknown.....you showed strength and never gave up.....on this day a year ago you were still ours.....you were here to hug and kiss and hear our voices telling you how much you meant to us and how much we loved you.....you listened to our crys to God begging him to watch over you and lead you into his home.....yet you remained strong.....you gave us hope.....you gave us love.....you gave us direction......little did we know that it was coming to an end

one day at a time....one hour at a time...one minute at a time....one second at a time....even when I do this....it still hurts....

i need to breathe.....one breath at a time

It feels as if it was yesterday.....

it's coming and i don't want it to.

mom
we will all be thinking of you and enjoying a night out on the town this weekend as we all did one time or another at one point of or lifes with you. but there is one person missing to make it whole love you and miss you dearly

5 days.....Lord give me strength

5 days.....lord give me strength.

hey mum,

how are you doing? Everything here is moving along. I miss you so much. Thank you for being here for me when I need you. I know your not physically here but I feel you everyday. With you and God everything will work out for the best. I believe in that. I love you.

hey mum,
how are you? thank you for your continuing guidance. I am following your directions. I did it all. I am still finishing up on a few things though. I miss you. I got the gift from you and Phyllis. I sent it to Rena. It was to hard for me to keep it. I didn't think this was going to hurt this much. You never told me that I was going to experience all of this pain. I have turned evrything over to God. It is the only way to get through. Everything is in his hands. I am still praying all day everyday. Waiting for those miracles to pass through my life. Please continue to watch over Rena, Nicole, Jullian, Noel, Dontai and Brianna. Guide them with your love and devotion. I love and miss you.

Alone
When you’re all alone and hurting
When you can’t hold back the tears
And the thought of having no one
Magnifies your deepest fears
When you can’t think for remembering
All the things you long to share
Cause your heart is filled with vibrant
Love and there is no one special there
And inside you know protecting
Is the thing you have to do
Defend your heart at every turn
And keep it safe with you
Don’t give it out to anyone
Though that’s the main objective
But, just whom can you give it to
You become much too selective
And you keep a little distance
From all who catch your eye
So that when the final moment comes
No one will see you cry
And back here in your lonely room
The tears stream down your face
And you’re reeling from the hurt and
Pain the fills this lonely space
But think about your options
While your heart is safe with you
You cry and shiver all night long
And you don’t know what to do
No sense in being despondent
Why dwell upon the bad
There are treasures rare inside you
That you never knew you had

Love Your Son

hey mum,
Thank you for your guidance. Everything is just about as it should be. Nicole and Rena now know. I didn't realize that it would be this hard but it all had to be done. I know that there are few unfinished items but they will come in due time. It took me awhile to understand that this was the time for everything to happen. I did not think that I would hurt the way I was hurting. I didn't realize the pain that would take over my heart and soul. My dreams have made everything so much clearer. I know that you are guiding me to where I need to be. I know that you have not left me to do this all alone. I am thankful for that. Please continue to see me through all of this. Please help me have the strength and courage to finish all of the tasks at hand. I know it will all be ok sooner or later. Please continue to watch over Rena, Nicole, Jullian, Noel, Dontai and Brianna. They need your guidance as well. Keep them strong. Keep them safe and healthy. I love you.

hey mum,
i need you more than ever right now. I am so lost and confused. I am hurting so bad. I need you to help lead me in the right direction. I need you to guide me. Please help watch over Rena, Nicole, Jullian, Noel, Dontai and Brianna. Keep them safe and happy. I see you a lot in my dreams anymore. I know you keep telling me that it will be ok. I am trying to hang on to that it is just hard. I pray to you and the lord every day maybe even 7 or 8 times a day. Just continue to hear and receive my prayers. I love you. I miss you like crazy.

Hey Mum,
How is it going? Things are great here. I got out of the house. The move was wonderful. It is a fresh start. No more drama. You would love my new home. It is warm and cozy, not like the shell of a house we were in before. It feels so good to be free again. The kids are doing great. Everyone is thriving to their full potential. Nicole is at college and Noel is playing football. Dontai is tackling AP classes and Brianna and Jullian are ahead of their game in school. I have your tombstone just about complete. They are adding the final picture this week. I will be happy once it is in place. Should be there by the time the holidays come around. I swear I am just about the only one who goes yo your grave faithfully. I go and pull all of the weeds and dead flowers. I place different items on the grave everyweek. I don't think anyone else has been there in a while. I can't wait to decorate it for the holidays. I know you will like that. I love and miss you deeply. I will write again real soon. I love you!!!!

Im in the corner crying,not able to breath, because I was looking at my own mother who was getting ready to leave. I was standing there looking into her eyez, I can see her getting ready to cry. But she just left and I felt lonely, as cold as death. Now do you see why my eyes are blue and sad, and why my heart feels empty and mad...because I have nobody to guide me through my growing years, and having to feel alone while facing my fears. I hope someday somebody will make my eyes once again glow.... and forfill my soul.... When one meets a faithful woman, the moment is an awakening. She has committed her heart to goodness, and the world has an unfailing friend. She develops her gifts with joy; she empowers those around her. She will dance in response to song; she will grieve in response to pain. She is decisive with wisdom and insight; with compassion she makes her choice. She knows she is wounded and needs healing; she cannot do all things. Life, for her, has purpose and pattern, yet she bows before its mystery.

Hey Mum,

Whats going on? Things here are crazy as usual. Things have changed so much since you left. Ricky moved back home. I haven't seen to much of him since he has come back. Michelle came in for a little while. The kids are getting big. I was only able to spend a little bit of time with Trish. From what I hear Gram was in the hospital. Michelle said she was doing good when she saw her. I haven't heard anything since so I guess she is ok. I have pretty much kept to myself since you left. There is a big piece of me missing and I just can't fill it. I was so mad at you last week for not being here. I miss you so much and it is so hard to keep moving forward knowing that you aren't here anymore. One day at a time is what I keep telling myself. One day at a time. I love you!!!!

Hey mom it is me wow I do not know what to say now days.....things are not any easier for me. I wish I can move on and try to get some were with my self......Everyone now days seem to have excepted the fact that you are not here it is not that easy for me I still have not let go of ya, I still feel I can make up for walking out of the hospital room that night we last spoke and seen one another. I wonder what the warm sun shinning on your beautiful face in all white happy and pain free will look like on you. The sand I walk upon can be changed by a wave of water, The love I have for you will stay solid like a rock, My heart on the other hand is broken in two one half me the other half you. Broken things can be fixed but the pain will still remain in tack to get threw it is hard to face it is harder. Were do I go what do I do, I no longer have you to turn to, my yellow brick road has never been completed so I know there will not ever be an end of (((no place like home)))for me. All I have is what is like a slide show in my head but it keeps playing nonstop the pain has never been so harsh and real to me the only thing I can do is keep my love for you in this chest and never let it go so that said and dun I hope to see you soon and I love you very much

Hi lu, How is it going? what have you mom and dad been up to? I went and see you mom and dad today. Its so hard. steve and boo r doing good boo not so sure about the new house she cry's alot. she miss you alot steve said and he miss you, He been doing good. Talk to you soon

Hey Mum,

Hows it going? Its cool here. Theres a lot going on here. The work on the house has started. I'm still not sure if I want to keep the house yet. I am transferring everything over and then I will decide. Michelle is due to come in this month. It will be nice to see her. I haven't really talked to anyone lately. Steve is hanging in there the best he can. I'm worried about him. He moved out of the house and has been keeping himself busy at the new house. I'm working on your headstone. Its going to be beautiful. You will love it. I just wanted to say hi. I love and miss you very much!!!!

Hey Mum,

How are ya? Its ok here. I went to the cemetary and cleaned you up a little bit. We planted some flowers and plants and placed some white marble chips down for you. Then we placed a barrier made out of wood so that when the grass is cut they don't destroy your site. I placed a stone on top of you so that we know exactly where you are. I have to go get you another light. I don't think the one light is working the right way. Mothers Day was extremely hard for me but I made it through. I wish you were here so you could guide me in the right direction. I just wanted to say hi. I love you and I miss you more than ever!!!!

Hey Mum,

Happy Mothers Day!!!! I love and miss you so much!!!

Christy

Dear, mom

Hey beautiful woman. it is just me your son dropping a line to wish you a happy mothers day and let you I am still here. I hope you are enjoying the time you have with every one there that you have not seen in years.
I miss you so much and wish I can hold you but it is not that easy just as life is not that easy. I have lost my job and have been looking for 2weeks for something in this town and still have not found a thing. I hope things change soon for me the worst part is I can not draw unemployment do to the fact I was self employed. that is funny how can some one self employed loss there job…I know you will be asking that question. It is the economy no one wants to spend money. So I am at a stand still not knowing what I am going to do when my bills come and I can not pay them. Not having family or friends to lean on makes it harder but I will try my best to pull threw it. I know if I was on the phone with you I will ask you , how you are doing?, what’s new?, how’s the dog?, etc but if I ask that here it will still remain blank and not answered. mark is off to work and wanted me to say hello for him. Every now and then we talk about you but it is a hard subject for me to talk about with him so I just keep my feelings to my self. We are trying to stay strong for each other and work threw the hard times we have ahead and get threw them but it is hard to keep your head up when you keep getting put down. Renee told me lil john is going to be home soon I am glad to know this, he has had it hard his who life and I hope things turn out for him as they did me when I got home. I was told that Michelle and the kids are going to be in town to see you and the family for a bit sorry I can not be there for that but I hope it works out for everyone well as for the rest of me it is as plain as a brown paper bag nothing to it. Just wish I had a way to make things Wright so I can move on and sleep at night but I made a choice and it will stick with me for the rest of my life .till next time love your baby

Lu, I just wanted to say Happy Mother Day.

Hey Mum,

How are you doing? I don't know why I ask that, I know your ok. Things have been kind of hard around here lately. Eveyone is just doing their thing I guess. My birthday was real hard. I went to New Jersey for the weekend so I didn't have to face the pain head on. I took Nicole, Noel and Mrm with me. I wish you were here. I really need you right now. I thought things would get easier but they aren't. I talked to Steve and Debbie the other day. As you know Steve's Birthday is coming up in a couple of days and so is your anniversary. I know he is going to have a hard time this week but Debbie said she'll make sure he is ok. He told me that he has been taking his medicine. I don't know if its true or not but I hope so. He started to clean out the house. I'm going to go over there before he locks it up for good. Mother's day is coming up this weekend. I'll be up there to plant some flowers and make sure your nice and clean. As you know I come up every Sunday. Renee left a cute little angel up there for you. I have been working on the house. Its coming along slowly but surely. I have mixed emotions about the house anymore. In a way I want to get out of there because it is so painful to be where you actually passed but in another way I don't want ty let it go. I don't know what I am going to do with it yet. I have tried to pick up the phone to call you a couple of times. Then I just hang up and say to myself well that was stupid. I went to daddys to help Renee move in a couple of weeks ago and when I was leaving I called him mummy. Its the little things that get to me. Ruthann went back home to Eric. I just couldn't handle it. There is to much going on for me to take on additional responsibilities like that. So I sent her back home. Michelle seems to be doing ok. Trish is having some problems but it will all work out for the best. Nicole has been really sick. She was in the hospital the other day. It was hard being over there. I just cried and couldn't stop because I could still see you there waiting for your xray. Noel, Dontai and Brianna are doing good. I took Dontai and Brianna to Washington DC a few weekends ago. They had fun. Well I am at work right now so I better get back. I love and miss you terribly. I will see you this Sunday.

Christy

Mummy,
Hey lady how are you? We are all hanging in there. I miss you so much. Yesterday was kind of hard but we made it through. I kept myself busy all day by cleaning. I made brussel sprouts for you. I am worried about your son. You know his birthday was on Saturday and he has the voicemail with you signing to him from last year. I know its hard for him. Its hard for all of us. Rena's mom has been around since you left and that is really hard for me because you are gone. I just try to deal with it the best I can though. I am happy that she is there but it hurts because she has the one thing I can't have anymore. I would give just about anything to see your face and hear your voice and give you a hug just one more time. Life has been very busy recently. That is good because it keeps me from having to dwell on the fact that your gone forever. I am worried about Dontai and Ruth Ann. Please help watch over them through everything. Help guide them in the right direction. I haven't talked to Michelle in a couple of weeks. She talked to Mrm and told Mrm that she will be coming in around the end of June. That will be good to see her and the kids. Renee is hanging in there the best she can. She needs to concentrate on herself right now. I guess Ricky is ok. I spoke to him on his birthday however he didn't have much to say. Nicole decided to stay home for college. She starts in July. I am glad she is that way I can help her even more than if she went to FSU. Noel and Brianna are doing good. I hear Neane has lung disease now on top of everything else she has to deal with. I worry about her too. I am afraid to talk to her because I love her like my blood sisters and I don't think I can handle it if anything happens to her either. Life is so short and I am trying to just enjoy every day as if it is my last because I don't want to miss anything and I don't want my children to regret anything. Probably won't happen that way but I am hopeful. Well I will write to you again soon. I love you.

Mum,
i have been thinking of u alot the past couple weeks and miss you so much.This is the first easter that we had without you.I had spent the day with dad till i had to come to work .I still wait for that void to be filled with your presents.I cry for you most nights and other nights i am ok.I have so much going on that my head just turns not knowing what way i should go from here.i have given up on a friend of mine and i feel so bad for that person,and i know if you where here and i told you every thing you would tell me how i should handel it but rite now i have to do me and cant help anyone till i do me.I did get back on my meds they help some.anyway i love you and miss you very very much and i wish i could just give you another hug and tell you that i love you one more time.

HI lu. just wanted to say happy easter. and miss u been thinking about you,

Hello, Mum. It has been a while since I have written to you. (although we talk daily) I know you know all of us are going through our trials and tribulations and it brings comfort to know you are constantly with us.Even still, I have a real hard time knowing you are not physically here with us anymore. I still cry both sorrow for my selfishness and joy for your everlasting painless life. The kids are really looking forward to and, as you know, coming home this summer. I am too. I can really use and need hugs and comfort from my dad and my sisters/brother. I hope we can see everyone. Please Mum, watch over all the family, communicate with God to heal all, bring love and passion, forgiveness and understanding, and fill our hearts with the Holy Spirit. And most of all Mum, keep us together. I love and miss you. Until next time....

Hi lu,It's your step daughter dana, hope all is well for you.I hope that you,mom and dad are sitting around a table having a cold one and a smoke. I been thinking about you alot.I miss not able to pick up the phone to talk to you about what is going on. will nean has been sick and she just got diagnosis with lung disease.And gram been in the hospital for a long time. They said its her heart and they can not get her blood to thin.So i was hoping that you would read this.Because i don't have noone else to talk to about this.So i thought that if i wrote to you.That you would come to me in my dream and talk to me about what i should do. I MISS YOU AND CAN YOU TELL MOM AND DAD THAT I SAID HI AND THAT I LOVE THEM AND MISS THEM TO..

hi gramal lu. i miss u so much. it has been very hard for all of us since u left. i hope u r have more fiun then u use 2 now that u have both of ur legs and arnt in agnonie no more. i hopoe to see u tonight in my good dreams instead of the bad tonignt.

ur loving grand daughter,
ruth

hey gram i just wanted to say hi and tell you that next year i am leaving presley ridge and going back to fox chapel i miss you and i cant wait until you come visit me again i miss you see you when you come around i love you and i will talk to you in my dreams!!!

lulubell,it's been hard for me without you so much has been going on theres been so many times i just wanted to pick up the phone and call u but instead at night i talk to u ,mom@dad i know u guys are watching over us but boy do i wish u where here instead .well lulubell u got me @christy together after all these years u are something u do know u didn't have to go for that to happen {well ok }but none the less we are all family and need to stick together .thanks lulubell for being there for me i miss u.

Hi Mummy,
How are you? Things are just as crazy here as always. So many things going on that I am stressed all of the time. I am trying to help everyone with everything. Michelle needs guidance, Renee is moving, Ricky is doing whatever and the kids have thier own issues. Ruth is living with me now. I am worried about her, she needs a lot of love and guidance. Noel has been feeling sick lately. Brianna has to much protien in her urine and has to go for additional testing on her kidneys. Thats a little scary since that is what you died from. Then not mention the problems I have with my kidneys. I hope it all works out though. Nicole might be going to school in Florida. She has to make a decision soon. Dontai doesn't want to do his school work anymore so I have been riding him a lot lately. Mrm is doing good and is at clinicals now. Rena is hanging in there. She has started to talk to her mom. She is suppose to go see her next weekend. Other than that everything is peachy. Well I love you and just wanted to say hi. I will write soon.

Love,
Christy

Hey Mum,

I tried to write yesterday but it was to hard. I miss you so much. I was in the hospital last week for these real bad headaches that I have been having. The doctors think they are just from tension. All of the tests they did came back good. Thats good. My head still hurts though. I went up to your grave yesterday and Steve and his parents were there. Steve looks like he is hanging in there. Its so hard without you here. My sisters and brother are going through so much and I don't know what to do for them. All I can do is listen and offer as much support as I can. I know they wish you were here to help them feel better. I didn't participate in any St. Patty's Day events because it was to hard to accept that this is the first one without you being here. I picked up the phone to call you yesterday to say Happy Birthday and then realized that you wouldn't be answering. I know your watching over us to make sure that we are all ok. I know I am not by myself when it comes to my sisters and brother. Daddy has been doing good for the most part too. He is worried about all of us and I don't think he really knows what to say or do but he is trying. Well I love you and I miss you!!!

Mom

It is St.Patricks day and wanted to wish you a HAPPY BIRTHDAY...Hope it is going well for you up there.

Mummy,
please watch over christy for she has something going on and i am very worried about her i had asked her to get a MRI cuz she keeps getting realy bad pain in her head and i dont think that it is due to stress gram rush was telling us about this blood clot thing that was just found and i am worried with the pain she is having that its a blood clot or a small leak in her brain and i dont know what i would do if i lost her to rena has pleaded to her to get one done she said that she will talk to the doc for me today and i hope she did so please please watch her at night and when she is away from me
love you much

It's been a month today...doesn't seem any easier. I am so worried about everyone. We are all still having a hard time sleeping at night. I sit here and wish that I could just have one more conversation with you or hear you yell at me one more time. I just wish that sometimes when my phone rings it would be you on the other line telling me that your back from your trip and you need me to pick you up. The kids seem to be doing ok. They are all going through their own emotions and need time just like everyone else. I am worried about Michelle, Renee & Ricky. We are in the process of buying your headstone. I was mad when I came to the cemetary and your flowers were removed and there was nothing there to show who you are. There are so many things around me that happen that remind us of something that you would say or do. Sometimes it freaks me out. I have a hard time going through Lawrenceville anymore. I have even changed my route to and from work because of it. We do have some peace knowing that you aren't hurting but sometimes its not enough to get us through. I believe that you are in heaven and you are happy and reuniting with everyone , in my own selfish ways I wish you were still here. We light your candles everyday. Sometimes they burn for just a little while and sometimes I let them burn for hours on end. I try to watch American Idol for you everytime it is on. I know that you liked that show. It was hard when the one kid was singing Seal's song though. Your birthday is coming soon. I don't know how we will handle that. I guess just one day at a time is all we can do. I love you!!! I miss you so much!!! I will write again soon.

Dear, Mom
Sorry I did not get to drop a line to wish you a Happy Valentine’s Day I had a lot going on.
The loss of you is just to pain full for me to keep going on like this so this will be my last entry.

I find my self in restless nights of sweat and nightmares of not coming back home to say good bye after turning my back at the hospital. I find my self working long days to punish my self for not doing more for you in life but now in death. I wish I had one day to try to make up for all the time lost between us but fate played its roll in life. All I have is the memories of what we have had and have went threw with each other. Times are hard not having you to give me advice on how to approach a situation at hand. What pain I have in my world no longer is my motivation I cried so long in life that my tears have dried up. The trips I took across seas and threw out the U.S I wish you were there with me enjoying every minuet. But to see you so beautiful and pain free at the funeral home let me know you are now in god’s hands and you will be ok. I do not ask that you watch over me but watch over the girls and grand kids. I will be fine just as I have been all these years on my own. Till this day I wish I had more to offer you in life as your only son. It now haunts me to know I did not give you a grand child. I am working on a project I will name after you I will keep my word and bond to you to fill all the, I am sorry, I will, I promos, I can, and I LOVE YOU spaces empty between the two of us. Your love will always shine threw me and be a part of my heart till the day god calls me home.

Love your son Richard David Rush Jr.

MUMMY,
TODAY I HAVE BEEN THINKING OF YOU ALLDAY. I CANT SEEM TO FOCUS ON ANYTHING. I HAVE SO MUCH WEIGHT ON MY CHEST STILL AND I CANT RELEASE IT. I HAVE BEEN STAYING WITH CHRISTY AND THE KIDS ,JUST SO THAT I WOULD HAVE A PIECE OF MIND MOST OF THE TIME ,BUT I KNOW THAT I WILL HAVE TO LEAVE THERE SOON AND GO BACK TO MY COLD LONLY HOUSE, SO THAT CHRISTY CAN GET BACK TO HER LIFE WIT HER KIDS .I AM JUST LONY I GUESS AND I DONT WANT TO BE A BOTHER TO ANYONE. I NEED TO FIGURE THINGS OUT FOR MYSELF. I MISS YOU SO MUCH JUST TO HAVE ONE PERSON THAT YOU CAN OPEN UP TO MEANS SO MUCH AND THAT EVEN TOOK A LONG TIME FOR ME TO DO THAT WITH YOU, SO HOW LONG WILL IT TAKE FOR ME TO TRUST SOMEONE AGAIN ?TO TALK TO THEM ON HOW I FEEL ?

Dear Aunt Lu,

I am still in shock that you are gone. I wish that you and i could have spent some time together before you left this world. I wish i could have told you how i was doing in school and how my life is going. I wish that i could have heard how things were going for you. i wish a lot of things were different but i can change what happens life. i have to learn from it and make things better. i am glad of the memories i have of us together for none of them are bad. I have one picture of us together and it was taken at our family reunion. I just found it when i was looking thru my old pics. i really miss you. i just regret not seeing you before i left Pittsburgh. And now i will always have that one regret in my life. I'm sorry. All i know is that i love you and will keep you in my heart forever.

Your niece steph