Shirley Lee Davis

What to say about my mother? It is overwhelming to contemplate the task of sharing my feelings and thoughts when I think of her or how it feels to now not have a mom here on earth, the one person who has known me and cared for me my entire life thus far. I feel unmoored.

Having a mom who was so different than me sometimes felt like a challenge, but it also made life interesting. Things that used to annoy me, like when she would sing and hum out loud in stores or yell loudly "Whee!" While riding the waves at the beach, now make me smile when I think of them. At times I am sure she wished I was more like her and shared more of the same interests. Where I was more contemplative, introverted, serious, punctual and cautious, she was more impulsive, extroverted, unselfconscious , often ran late, and I felt more impractical. As I write this, I see that we each learned important lessons from each other due to our dissimilarities and wish I had spent a bit less time chafing at them and more time appreciating her strengths.

My mother had many strengths. She was so creative, intelligent, and talented - she was up to any task she wanted to take on, from making the absolute best cupcakes of any mom ever for me to take to school, to "helping" me with school projects that turned out wildly beyond my capabilities, to home remodeling, to re-upholstering her fancy couch. The list goes on and on. If my dad was interested in a hobby, she would jump right into it, including doing long-distance motorcycle rides on a bike that was too big for her and winning multiple trophies for doing so. She was also a talented singer and musician. Growing up I often felt inadequate, seeing her obvious abilities and self-confidence. Now I just feel grateful she lived such a long life and that she was there to consult and assist me with so many things.

My mom was also a very upbeat and strong person. She found so much happiness and joy in life, even when she was in pain. She was quite overt when showing her love and affection for people, especially her family. My mother had a big personality for sure, which sometimes provided opportunity for levity and inside joking among us all at family get-togethers, especially around the subjects of her love of sweets and competitive game-playing. I know I will miss that laughter and love, and that we all will feel her absence acutely going forward.

I could say much more but will stop there. I will continue to try to acclimate to my new reality of not having my mom to share my life with, but it will take some time. I will love and miss her all my days here on earth.

As I´ve reflected on my time with my grandma in the days since her passing, I realize how lucky I was. Not everyone gets 42 years with their grandparent. Looking back, I can´t think of an important moment in my life that she was not present for. From coming to my elementary school for a Grandparent´s Day celebration, to being at the hospital when my children were born, my grandma was always there for me. She would always listen when I was going through things in life and offered wisdom and advice that I still carry with me. Although she was almost 90, she never seemed her age to me because of her young at heart nature. Even when things were hard, she had an optimistic attitude and a way of seeing the silver linings in life. I so admired this about her and it´s something I try to emulate in my own life. She was a great teacher and taught me so much. I wasn´t always the best student, like when she tried to teach me to knit several years ago, but she was so patient and we had fun with it anyway. Her unique sense of humor will always stick with me. She loved to laugh and we laughed a lot. I will cherish our memories for the rest of my days. May she rest in peace.

Shirley was my Grandma. My Grandma was really unique woman. She lived her life her own way, on her own terms. She had a lot of really great things about her, but I think I'll always remember her for the flawed and imperfect woman she was. Might be to some people that would be an uncharitable way to remember someone, but to me, that was maybe her greatest and most defining characteristic. I think my Grandma recognized some of those same difficulties in me growing up. She made me feel seen, and made me feel like it was okay to not be perfect, and that it was okay to be a work in progress. In that spirit, I'll remember her the way that she was, and in doing so, I hope to honor the greatest gift to me that she gave, which of course was her deep and abiding love for her family. Rest in peace, Grandma.