Don Wise

We miss you everyday, but especially today...Happy Birthday, Dad!

It has been a year, a whole year since we lost you. The pain of losing you has softened, somewhat, and has changed into a dull ache that I carry in my heart. Some days are better than others, I can remember stories that make me laugh and it´s not quite so painful, other times, I think of things I want to tell you and remember that you cannot pick up the phone...questions that remain unanswered...figuring out things on my own...wanting you to see things that are happening in our family that you would be so very proud of...the grief washes over me all over again. It is true that the sadness comes in waves. I have to be grateful that we had the time that we did, that we shared the laughter and the tears together for the short time that you were on this earth. Sometimes when it becomes too overwhelming and envelopes and smothers me, I like to pretend that you are at home painting or puttering around in your garden or cooking up a feast and that you are just a phone call away. It really does help me make it through those moments when the grief becomes more that I can handle. I have 5 voicemail messages on my phone from you, three of which I have not ever heard, because I have not had the strength to listen to them...hearing your singsong voice saying "this is Dad, call me back. Love you," I fear might send me over the edge into grief´s abyss. But honestly, how lucky am I to have these perfectly preserved moments in time to listen to your voice whenever I am strong enough too. To say that I miss you is not strong enough, or to say that I am passed the grief would not be realistic...I mean, I know in my head that you are with the Creator and that it is selfish of me to want you here with us and I have to remind myself that I can talk to you anytime I want, through my prayers. So today, I will say that I am so very glad that we had the time that we did, even though it didn´t seem nearly long enough. I still see you in my children and grandchildren...those clever, funny bits of you...those little reminders that you are living on. Today, like every day since you passed, I love you and I miss you so very much.